Hawaii – Chi Chi

Each week, the Sip Advisor will alphabetically travel the United States, discovering the best each state has to offer in a variety of subjects. The last state to enter the union, Hawaii is a tropic paradise, making it hard to get any work done. I must press on, though, and give the Aloha State its due:

Motto: “The life of the land is perpetuated in righteousness” – So that’s all it takes for something to be beautiful.

Food: You can’t return from a trip to Hawaii without at least a couple packs of macadamia nuts to hand out to family, friends and coworkers. Hawaii was home to the first commercial macadamia nut farm, with the state’s Mauna Loa Macadamia Nut Corporation being the largest processor of macadamia seeds in the world.

Drink: While a number of cocktails have originated in Hawaii, we’ll look at the popular beverage POG. An acronym for Passionfruit-Orange-Guava, the juice was created by Haleakala Dairy product consultant Mary Soon, on the island of Maui. Most notably, the juice led to the POG milk caps fad of the 1990’s, also originating in Hawaii.

Macadamia Nut

Site to See: Dubbed the Paradise of the Pacific, there is much to view around the Hawaiian Islands. A definite sight to behold are the state’s active volcanoes, with two of them comprising Hawaii Volcanoes National Park, on the Big Island. The Kilauea Volcano – the world’s most active volcano – and Mauna Loa, offer visitors views of lava flows, along with unique plants and animals.

Street: On the island of Maui, the Road to Hana (aka Hana Highway) is a 64-mile long stretch that contains a number of picturesque sites, including Wailua Falls and the Seven Sacred Pools. Those renting a car for the journey may not have insurance coverage for part of the route, due to unpaved narrow roads with many blind turns along the way.

TV Show: Magnum P.I. ran for eight seasons and 162 episodes, following the adventures of private detective Thomas Magnum, as he investigated cases around the Hawaiian islands. Magnum is joined by fellow war vets T.C. and Rick, as well as thorn-in-the-side housemate Higgins, making for one of the most popular shows of the 1980’s. The theme song alone is legendary!

Movie: Forgetting Sarah Marshall sees musician Peter Bretter head to Hawaii to get over the breakup with his actress girlfriend Sarah Marshall, only to find that Sarah and her new boyfriend, who she cheated on Peter with, are at the exact same resort. Starring Jason Segel, Kristen Bell, Mila Kunis and Russell Brand, this hilarious rom-com will have you wanting to leave for the islands as soon as possible.

Magnum PI

Book/Author: The series of Charlie Chan books, authored by Earl Derr Biggers, takes the fictional Chinese-American detective through six adventures in Hawaii and beyond. The character was based on real-life Hawaiian detective Chang Apana, a member of the Honolulu Police Department.

Fictional Character: The Hawaii Five-0 Task Force, led by Steve McGarrett, along with his partner Danny Williams, and associates Chin Ho Kelly and Kono Kalakaua, are one of Honolulu’s greatest tools in fighting crime. Lines like “Book’em, Danno!” became a famous pop culture catchphrase and much like Magnum P.I., Hawaii Five-0’s theme song is iconic.

Fictional City: Kokaua, from Lilo & Stitch, is based on Hanapepe, on the island of Kauai. The town has embraced this association, with a mural announcing: “Home of Lilo & Stitch”.

Actor/Actress: Aquaman himself, Jason Momoa, was born in Honolulu. Also known for his role as Khal Drogo on Game of Thrones, the actor’s first role was on the TV show Baywatch: Hawaii. Furthermore, despite her Australian citizenship, Nicole Kidman was also born in Honolulu, as her parents were on student visas, at the time.

Jason Momoa

Song: Elvis Presley loved Hawaii, performing numerous times in the state, as well as filming a trio of movies on the islands. The 1961 musical Blue Hawaii, featured a title track performed by Elvis, covering the Bing Crosby/Shirley Ross original. The movie’s soundtrack topped the Billboard album charts for 20 weeks.

Band/Musician: One of music’s most popular artists today, Bruno Mars, was born in Honolulu. His list of hits includes Uptown Funk, Locked Out of Heaven, Grenade and 24K Magic have kept the young and old dancing for a decade now. Also have to give a shout out to Israel Kamakawiwo’ole (better known as Iz), for his beautiful rendition of Somewhere Over the Rainbow.

People: Born in Honolulu (bet you’re getting tired of that line), Barack Obama served as the 44th President of the United States, from 2009 to 2017. During his first year in office, Obama was named the recipient of the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize. He may be best remember for introducing the country to what was dubbed Obamacare and a nationwide legalization of same-sex marriage.

Animal: Tyke the Elephant, an animal performer with the Honolulu-based Circus International, became a symbol for animal rights, when she was brought down with 86 police bullets after escaping from a performance in Honolulu, following trampling her trainer to death and injuring her groomer. Over 60 years earlier, a similar incident occurred at the Kapiolani Zoo (now Honolulu Zoo), when Daisy the Elephant killed her trainer, forcing police to shoot the animal.

Bruno Mars

Invention: Although I was awful at it, Hawaii should be thanked for introducing the world to surfing and inventing surfboards. Perhaps I will attempt to ride the waves again someday… perhaps not!

Crime: The Honolulu Strangler was Hawaii’s first known serial killer. Between 1985 and 1986, five women were found bound, raped and strangled, aged 17 to 36. While the crime has never been solved, one serious suspect, Howard Gay, was identified, after leading police to the last victim’s body, saying a psychic told him a body would be found there. Even after failing a polygraph test, Gay was released due to lack of evidence.

Law: Hawaii works hard to preserve its natural beauty. That why some laws have been introduced to keep the state as picturesque as possible, including a ban on billboards across the state. Three other states also share this outlawing: Alaska, Maine and Vermont.

Sports Team: There are no professional sports teams in Hawaii, but the annual NFL Pro Bowl was played there every year between 1980-2016, except for 2010 and 2015. The game has since been moved to Orlando, Florida. That leaves the University of Hawaii Rainbow Warriors as the biggest game in the state, along with surfing competitions, such as the Triple Crown of Surfing and The Eddie.

Surfing

Athlete: Duke Kahanamoku was a competition swimmer and surfer, known for great athletic feats, the least of which include five Olympic medals. After dying at the age of 77, Duke’s ashes were scattered into the ocean off Waikiki Beach, where a statue to the man now resides. The Hawaiian legend has a chain of restaurants named after him, with locations in Hawaii, California and Florida.

Famous Home: ‘Iolani Palace, in Honolulu, is the only royal palace in the U.S. It was home to generations of Hawaiian monarchs and is now a National Historic Landmark, restored as a museum in 1978. On the original Hawaii Five-0, it was implied that the department’s office was located within the palace.

Urban Legend: Morgan’s Corner, in Honolulu, is said to be a site of much paranormal activity. Nearby, in 1948, two escaped convicts robbed the home of 68-year-old Therese Wilder. Wilder was gagged with a broken jaw, resulting in her suffocating. The two men were later caught and sentenced to death, although their executions were stayed at the last moment and their sentences reduced. Wilder is said to haunt the area, screaming for her life. A young girl is also said to appear in Morgan’s Corner, holding her own head, having died by hanging herself from a tree in the area.

Museum: Two permanently closed museums caught my eye for this category. First, Teddy Bear World, in Oahu, featured over 800 animatronic teddy bears, while the Paper Airplane Museum, in Maui, exhibited more than 2,000 paper airplanes of varying sizes.

Paper Airplanes

Firsts: Hawaii was the first state to legalize abortions by choice, in 1970, stating: “the State shall not deny or interfere with a female’s right to choose or obtain an abortion of a nonviable fetus or an abortion that is necessary to protect the life or health of the female”. 50 years later, some of the country still struggles with this concept.

Company: If you’ve ever been to Hawaii, you can’t go far without coming across one of the many ABC Stores. Headquartered in Honolulu, the chain offers groceries and souvenirs, with a majority of their stores scattered across the state. The first store opened in Waikiki, in 1964, originally known as Mister K, after founder Sidney Kosasa.

Events: The Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor, on the island of Oahu, on December 7, 1941, brought the U.S. into World War II. 2,403 Americans lost their lives in the unexpected offensive, which was later deemed a war crime. The site is now a popular tourist attraction, featuring the USS Arizona Memorial.

Miscellaneous: While not created in Hawaii, a number of items have been named after the state. This includes Hawaiian Punch, Hawaiian Pizza, Toast Hawaii, and Hawaiian Tropic Sunscreen. For the record, the Sip Advisor loved Hawaiian Pizza and doesn’t understand the backlash against it.

Chi Chi

Chi Chi

  • 2 oz Vodka
  • Top with Pineapple Juice
  • Splash of Coconut Cream
  • Garnish with Maraschino Cherries
  • Sprinkle Coconut Shavings

The Chi Chi first came to my attention thanks to a South Park episode where Butters, as a young keiki (child), goes to the island for his hapanoa ceremony. The drink the native Hawaiians (aka time share owners) love is the Chi Chi, the supplies of which, are being jeopardized by a war between these natives and haoles (aka mainland visitors). The Chi Chi is also the official beverage of Puerto Rico and after having one martini style, not frozen, I can see why!

Mixer Mania #17 – Island Hopping

Mrs. Sip spent a lot of her youth in Hawaii and she has been able to share some of those experiences with me, since we’ve been together. With Hawaiian Punch being today’s feature mixer, let’s take a look at some of the things the islands have brought to our lives:

Traditions

One of the most fascinating parts of a vacation to Hawaii is taking in all the unique culture. From being greeted with leis to luau feasts to hula dancing and everything in between, the island experience is something that must be seen to be appreciated.

Hawaiian-Time-Hours.jpg

Drinks

Despite its name, Hawaiian Punch was actually developed in California in 1934. Originally an ice cream topping, it became a beverage when water was added. POG, however, can claim Hawaiian ties, as it was developed in 1971 for Haleakala Dairy on Maui. The islands are also famous for Kona coffee, which must be grown in that district. Hawaii is the only American state which grows coffee plants.

Food

Hawaiian food can be looked at, in this humble writer’s opinion, as the good, the bad, and the ugly. First, there’s the delicious Macadamia Nuts, which are a souvenir every traveller brings back with them. Next up, we have the polarizing pineapple, which I like on my pizza, but don’t like in my cocktails. Then, we enter dangerous territory, with items like poi and spam, which are certainly acquired tasted. We can’t forget one of Mrs. Sip’s favourites: McDonald’s Haupia Pie!

People

The most famous Hawaiian is probably former president Barack Obama, while the islands are also the birthplace of musicians such as Bruno Mars, Jack Johnson, Don Ho, and even Bette Midler. Let’s not forget Aquaman himself, Jason Momoa, also calls Hawaii – and its waters – home.

Hawaiian Dad

Media

Some of my favourite TV shows and movies were filmed amongst the beautiful setting that is Hawaii. These projects include Magnum P.I., Hawaii 5-0 (I’m more a fan of the original), and one of Ma and Pa Sip’s favourites, Lost, on the TV side. As for films, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, 50 First Dates, The Descendants, and Lilo & Stitch have used the island backdrop to their advantage.

Other

Hawaii can be credited with being the birthplace of many other notable things. Some of these include ABC Stores, which can be found all across the islands; the Shaka (aka Hang Loose); the POG game; and likely also played a role in the popularity of surfing, although that can be spread across much of the Polynesian islands.

Mixer Mania #17: Hawaiian Wipeout

Hawaiian Wipeout.JPG

  • 1 oz Vodka
  • 1 oz Goldschlager
  • Top with Hawaiian Punch
  • Garnish with Strawberry Slices

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
Of course, this recipe is meant for the original Hawaiian Punch, but I’m going with the Berry Blue Blast version. The drink called for Everclear as a liquor, but Vodka is a quick and sufficient substitute. The taste is dominated by the cinnamon flavour in the Goldschlager, with some berry coming out, but being largely hidden.

Mixer Mania #2 – Orange Crush

As the Sip Advisor recently watched Rambo (aka First Blood Part II) the other day, I began thinking of other fictional Vietnam War veterans. Taking advantage of today’s feature mixer being orange juice and the involvement of Agent Orange in that war, here are some of the greatest fictional Vietnam vets:

John Rambo

Speaking of the former special forces soldier, Rambo was captured by North Vietnamese forces and held and tortured in a POW camp for months before escaping. The horrors of the war scarred Rambo and his return home didn’t go any better, given all the anti-war sentiment across the U.S. The second Rambo movie sees the character return to Vietnam to rescue some American prisoners of war and when things don’t go as planned, Rambo goes on a rampage until the mission is accomplished.

rambo-fly-in-room

Thomas Magnum

Flanked by his buddies and fellow veterans Rick and T.C. (both marines), Magnum fought in Vietnam as a Navy SEAL. After the war, Magnum gets hooked up with a pretty sweet gig, watching the Hawaiian home of wealthy friend/author Robin Masters. While situated there, Magnum takes a up a career as a private investigator, which placed him in a number of hairy situations (I intentionally use the word ‘hairy’ for all the shots we got of a shirtless Magnum, as he patrolled the beaches and waters of Hawaii).

Principal Skinner

Back when he was a punk teen, known as Armin Tamzarian, the future principal of Springfield Elementary was shipped off to Vietnam to fight as a Green Beret. There, he met Sgt. Seymour Skinner, who turned the angry orphan around. When the real Skinner was apparently killed in action, Tamzarian returned to Springfield to deliver the news to Skinner’s mother… only he couldn’t break her heart and ended up spending the rest of his life taking his mentor’s identity.

principal-skinner-no-future

The A-Team

Consisting of Col. John “Hannibal” Smith, Lt. Templeton “Face” Peck, Capt. H.M. “Howling Mad” Murdock, and muscle Sgt. B.A. “Bad Attitude” Baracus, this special forces team is court-martialed for a crime they are falsely accused of committing and are forced to escape military prison. On the run, they become mercenaries, travelling the world, helping those they meet along the way. The show was turned into a feature film in 2010 and a rebooted TV series is in development.

Forrest Gump

A fair portion of Forrest Gump’s story plays out in the jungles of Vietnam, where Gump meets fellow recruit Benjamin Buford “Bubba” Blue and Lt. Dan Taylor, both of whom have a profound impact on his life. Gump and Lt. Dan eventually team up and enter the shrimping game, in honour of Bubba, who never made it home from the war. Their success eventually leads to both men being financially set for life, thanks to Lt. Dan investing in Apple, a small, but rising company at the time.

Mixer Mania #2: Blood and Sand

blood-and-sand

  • 0.75 oz Blended Scotch
  • 0.75 oz Sweet Vermouth
  • 0.75 oz Cherry Liqueur
  • Top with Orange Juice
  • Garnish with a Maraschino Cherry

Honourable mentions go to Travis Bickle (Taxi Driver), Angus MacGyver (MacGyver), Martin Riggs (Lethal Weapon), Tommy Vercetti (Grand Theft Auto: Vice City) and even Saved by the Bell’s Mr. Belding.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4.25 Sips out of 5):
I thought I had created this classic cocktail some time ago, but a quick search revealed it was still on my liquor bucket list. I only wish I had made it earlier, as it’s a pretty good drink. I liked how there was some strength to the alcohol content, but not an overwhelming amount.

January 10 – Bad Apple

In the Shadows

A number of TV shows have utilized characters that are never seen by the audience. Some even become integral parts of storylines, despite never being visible. Here are the Top 5 most intriguing characters that are largely left to your own imagination:

#5: Dr. Claw – Inspector Gadget

While having a voice that is instantly recognizable, when it comes to making an appearance, we get to see more of Dr. Claw’s kitty, than we do of the M.A.D. leader, himself. For decades, I’ve pondered what Dr. Claw might have actually looked like. I was remarking to Mrs. Sip the other day about how much I wanted to see Dr. Claw finally win a round with the hapless detective… then, perhaps, we’d finally get the big reveal and find out that Dr. Claw is actually Chief Quimby, who’s sick and tired of being blown up by Inspector Gadget every time he delivers a new self-destruct mission.

Dr. Claw

#4: Robin Masters – Magnum P.I.

How kind is author Robin Masters to let both Thomas Magnum and Jonathan Higgins stay at his sprawling mansion (Robin’s Nest), despite the fact that he never resides there himself?  Due to all the trouble that results from Magnum and Higgins living at the estate. Masters “sort of” appeared in a few episodes as a narrator, voiced by Orson Welles. At one point, it was even speculated upon that Higgins was in fact Masters. However, although Masters confessed as much to Magnum during the series finale, he retracted his statement later.

#3: Maris – Frasier

A fair amount of humour in early seasons of the series was derived from comments about Maris’ appearance and behaviour, always adding to the character’s mystique. Despite all her quirks, she is said to be wealthy and that might be reason enough for Niles to stay with her… at least for a little while. For a character that was never seen, Maris factored into a number of storylines, one including her committing murder in self-defense and having to flee the country to avoid prosecution.

Maris Crane

#2: Mrs. Wolowitz – Big Bang Theory

We may never get to see her, but we certainly hear from her often enough. Mrs. Wolowitz’s shrill voice can often be heard yelling at Howard and treating him like a child. This often causes Howard, frustrated with his treatment, to shout in return, and ultimately end up sounding like a child. Although, for a time, Mrs. Sip and I thought that Bernadette (Howard’s wife, played by actress Melissa Rauch), also voiced Mrs. Wolowitz, the noise was actually supplied by Carol Ann Susi, who sadly passed away in November 2014.

#1: Mrs. Columbo – Columbo

Although mentioned in numerous episodes, often to advance Lt. Columbo’s relationship with the villain, we never get to meet the true Mrs. Columbo. Sure, there was a spinoff TV series titled Mrs. Columbo, but it starred a young actress that was better suited to playing Columbo’s daughter than wife. Some have speculated that in actuality, there is no Mrs. Columbo at all and she is only used by the lieutenant as an investigation technique. That would have made for quite a series twist ending.

Super Saturday Shot Day: Bad Apple

Bad Apple Shot

  • 0.75 oz Whiskey
  • 0.75 oz Sour Apple Mix

Honourable mentions go to Vera (Cheers), The Mother (How I Met Your Mother), Sheridan and Violet (Keeping Up Appearances), Bill (Kill Bill Vol. 1), and Charlie (Charlie’s Angels). Hell, the Sip Advisor could have also made this list. Will all you little sippers ever get to see the man behind the liquor magic? Only time will tell!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
I figured this would be a good shot for the article, as Dr. Claw and even some of the others on this list at, in fact, bad apples. I used my split shot glass and the results looked really neat. The taste was pretty good, with the Sour Apple Mix hitting first, before the stronger Whiskey overtook the whole experience.

August 16 – Columbo

Private Dicks

I like a good mystery and these gumshoes have offered some of the greatest examples of sleuthing known to the world. They each employ their own tactics, but the end result is always the same: the bad guy is punished for their crime and the good guy feels some sort of redemption. Here are the Top 5 detectives:

#5: Rescue Rangers

Sometimes, some crimes go slipping through the cracks (did anyone out there sing that opening!?)… and that’s when you need the Rescue Rangers: Chip, Dale, Gadget, and Monterey Jack (plus his little buddy Zipper). This classic Disney Afternoon animation block cartoon sees the legendary Chip and Dale and company solve crimes, such as missing pets and all the other stuff the real police don’t feel like investigating. The gang also regularly battle such villains as Fat Cat and Professor Norton Nimnul. Interestingly, Chip and Dale weren’t even originally planned to be part of the show, but were used to add some established Disney characters to the series.

Chip & Dale

#4: Ace Ventura

Of the Pet Detective variety, Ace is an unconventional investigator and devout animal lover. When hired to solve the case of missing Miami Dolphins mascot and real-life dolphin, Snowflake, he becomes embroiled in a complex mystery involving a disgruntled ex-player and Dolphins superstar quarterback Dan Marino. Can he crack the case before the Dolphins’ next big game and bring Snowflake home safely? This role launched the career of Jim Carrey and the surprise hit even produced a sequel, When Nature Calls, which sadly didn’t live up to the first film.

#3: Magnum P.I.

Thomas Magnum is a fine private detective. He’s willing to work on everything from cases involving cheating spouses to more serious stuff like drug rings and assassination plots. The former Vietnam veteran gets a ton of help from his buddies TC, Rick and even Higgins, all while living the good life in Robin Masters’ Hawaiian home. Played by the dreamy Tom Selleck, the iconic role had to be good, as he even gave up playing Indiana Jones thanks to the series’ shooting schedule. There has been talk of a movie or TV series remake, but I just don’t know if it could ever measure up to the original.

Magnum Man

#2: Sherlock Holmes

Along with his companion (and I don’t mean to make it sound like they are lovers… although I’m sure some have explored this premise), Dr. Watson, Sherlock Holmes is certainly London’s finest sleuth and is perhaps the world’s greatest. The creation of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Holmes has appeared in countless forms of media. Some of my favourites include the recent movies with Robert Downey, Jr., the current BBC TV series starring Benedict Cumberbatch, and the animated Sherlock Holmes in the 22nd Century. With Holmes, you must always remember that the game is afoot!

#1: Lt. Columbo

I grew up on the disheveled detective and it’s probably because of him that I haven’t become a criminal mastermind… well, that and to be a mastermind, you need to have a fully-functioning brain. Peter Falk is a god damn legend in my books and all Mrs. Sip can do is roll her eyes when I stumble upon a Columbo mini-movie and have a brief celebration. Although she’s often mentioned, we never see Mrs. Columbo throughout the entirety of the series and we also never learn Lt. Columbo’s first name. Many have speculated that it’s Frank, as it appears when his LAPD ID badge is shown close up. Oh, one more thing, Columbo loves chili as much as he loves solving murders!

Super Saturday Shot Day: Columbo

Columbo Shot

  • 0.75 oz Campari
  • 0.25 oz Orange Juice
  • Splash of Lime Juice
  • Splash of Lemon Juice
  • Dash of Simple Syrup
  • Garnish with a Cigar

The Sip Advisor would make a horrible detective. Sure, I like solitude and spying on folks can be fun, but you can only get so drunk while on a stakeout and I would find the job cramping my current lifestyle. Plus, there’s the whole critical thinking aspect and all you little sippers know that isn’t in my wheelhouse!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
I’m not sure if this shot (or cocktail I’ve shrunken down to shooter form) was actually meant in homage of the greatest detective of all-time, but I’m using it in that way anyway… there is an Italian connection between the character and Campari, so maybe there’s a match there. And how about that garnish!? Columbo was often seen smoking a stogie, so why not include it with the shooter. It all goes down okay and that bitter Campari aftertaste doesn’t kill like it usually does.

August 7 – Undercover Squirrel

Dicks

I often try to match the subject matter of a post to the name of the featured cocktail… but with a drink called the Undercover Squirrel, what is a liquor deviant supposed to do? Therefore, I decided to write about a topic very close to my heart: the greatest detectives. I love me a good mystery and these sleuths are some of the best!

Columbo

I grew up watching Columbo and his inverted mystery adventures where you know who the killer is all along and the fun comes in how the good Lieutenant trips them up with his idiosyncrasies and constant hounding. The disheveled, but always polite homicide detective was known for his catchphrase “Just one more thing,” which usually signaled he had a prime suspect in mind and all he had to do was reel them in.

Columbo murderer

Sherlock Holmes

With Sherlock Holmes, the game is always afoot and the adventures for this crime solver are seemingly endless thanks to all the different incarnations of the character. Currently, there is a movie franchise and two TV series (starring Robert Downey, Jr., Benedict Cumberbatch, and Jonny Lee Miller, respectively) focused on Holmes. The legendary detective has provided inspiration to many of the other entries on this list.

Jessica Fletcher

I don’t think anyone has been surrounded by so much death and homicide than the Murder, She Wrote author, Jessie Fletcher. It seems everywhere she goes, from her sleepy hometown of Cabot Cove to travels around the world results in someone losing their life. I think a great finale to the show would have been revealing that Fletcher was in fact a Dexter-esque serial killer or perhaps she was Death itself!

Thomas Magnum

Private investigator Thomas Magnum may be the luckiest man alive. He gets to live in an expansive Hawaiian estate, free of cost; drive hot cars around the island, also free of cost; and meet a bevy of beautiful, tropical women… that might cost a little bit. All he has to do in his spare time is solve the odd theft, kidnapping, or murder and he gets to live in paradise. Plus, he has one of the best theme songs known to man!

Magnum PI Moustache

Inspector Jacques Clouseau

The bumbling imbecile and lead of the Pink Panther movies may have his heart in the right place as he tries valiantly to be a good officer of the law, but his ineptness always shines through. How much of a screw-up is Clouseau? He has even driven his superior into a state of madness, as the former Chief Inspector designed a doomsday device with the core intention to kill Clouseau.

Scooby Doo and the Gang

Travelling the country in the legendary Mystery Machine, Fred, Daphne, Velma, Shaggy, and Scooby are often thrust into a mystery and have to solve it while being chased and spooked by any number of scary monsters, usually in rumoured-to-be-haunted settings. The crew always prevail in the end, unmasking some villainous individual who was looking to capitalize on some local urban legend. It should be noted that Scooby and company narrowly edged out the Rescue Rangers for the animated sleuth team entry.

scooby-doo

Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk is an ex-homicide detective, who was forced to leave the police after the murder of his wife, which triggered an extreme obsessive compulsive disorder and various phobias. He now works closely with the San Francisco Police Department as a consultant and usually outshines his fellow cops by solving every murder that the team is investigating.

Ace Ventura

The pet detective, Ace Ventura doesn’t play by the rules… in fact, he probably doesn’t even know what they are. Ventura is more than just a pet detective; he’s a lover of animals and is able to form a special bond with many of the creatures he is trying to rescue. This character launched the career of Jim Carrey and the first movie was a childhood favourite of mine. Never forget, friends: laces out…

Drink #219: Undercover Squirrel

Aug 7

  • Muddle Mint Leaves
  • 1.25 oz Pear Vodka (I used Absolut)
  • 0.5 oz Galliano
  • Splash of Lime Juice
  • Dash of Simple Syrup
  • Top with Cranberry Juice
  • Sprinkle of Cinnamon
  • Garnish with Mint Leaf

Damn, there were a lot of private detective type shows in the 80’s. Along with Magnum P.I., which I included above, I was forced to leave out such classics as Jim Rockford, A.J. and Rick Simon, and Remington Steele (with partner Laura Holt). A great movie to look out for if you can find it is Murder by Death, which spoofs many classic detectives including Sam Spade, Nick and Nora Charles, Hercule Poirot, Miss Marple, and Charlie Chan.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4.5 Sips out of 5):
What a fantastic drink with a number or rarely used ingredients. I have to say that Mint may be my favourite item to use in cocktails, as it always provides a unique and wonderful taste. The Cinnamon worked really well with the Galliano to add a beautiful note of vanilla and spice.

April 18 – Golden Cadillac

Carmageddon

I’ve never been a big car nut. Hell, the instant someone starts talking to me about engines, makes and models, or brake pads in need of replacement… well, that’s when the ol’ mind drifts more than a suped-up Tokyo racer. That said, there are a number of vehicles I wouldn’t mind taking a spin in. Drivers, start your engines!

Mystery Machine – Scooby-Doo

Granted, today it looks more like a van where either smokeouts or rapes would occur, but the Mystery Machine is a pretty fine vehicle. I could join the entire gang as we traipse across the world and solve mysteries, getting paid with food and lodging. I would certainly rival Freddy for best ascot and perhaps Shaggy and Scooby could teach me how to stuff an entire 40-layer sandwich into my mouth in one gulp.

Mystery-Machine

Pope-mobile

My only wish for riding in the Pope-mobile is that someone would make an assassination attempt on my life and then I could laugh at them through the bulletproof glass. Why someone would have a beef with The Sip Advisor will forever be an unsolved mystery. Perhaps they are a time traveler from the Prohibition Era and they realize I am the reason the whole concept never worked out. Bring it on, you anti-alcoholite.

Batmobile – Batman

I don’t know what would be more exciting: riding in the Batmobile with Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson, or getting access to the super-secret Batcave. If those bastards blindfold me before taking me there (and it’s not for anything kinky), I will be super pissed. The second we spot that bat signal, we roll and I only pray that the villain for our selected adventure is one of the hotties, like Catwoman, Poison Ivy or Harley Quinn!

General Lee – Dukes of Hazzard

Really the only thing anyone wants to do in the General Lee is slide through the open window into a seat and go off some crazy dirt road jump. Aside from that, who would ever want to live in Hazzard County with the nefarious Boss Hogg and his lackey Rosco P. Coltrane? Unless you’re looking to settle down with Daisy Duke and get her out of those cutoffs, then it’s just not worth the hassle.

batmobile

DeLorean – Back to the Future

Doc Brown, Marty McFly, and I would have made an amazing trio, revving up to 88 miles per hour and seeing where the DeLorean takes us for our next adventure. It would be a foregone conclusion that I would somehow find a way to make myself never born. I feel that would make me invisible and that way I could go around and spy on Mrs. Sip undetected. I could then perform hilarious antics like hide her contact solution and eat her freshly-baked cookies.

K.I.T.T. – Knight Rider

I’ve been on too many late night, lonely drives to count and it would have been nice on these journeys to have someone – or more aptly something – to converse with. A talking car is just the beginning of what K.I.T.T. (Knight Industries Three Thousand) has to offer drivers. All those fun buttons to push would keep me entertained four hours, like a never-ending sheet of bubble wrap. Plus you get to hang out with David Hasselhoff… not too shabby!

Ecto-1 – Ghostbusters

Imagine hauling ass, in the Ecto-1, to the site of a ghostly disturbance with your proton packs charged at the ready and the thrill of being a member of the Ghostbusters team. Yeah, The Sip Advisor, Egon, Ray, Peter and Winston… has a nice ring to it, don’t you think!? I wonder if Slimer is as cool behind the scenes as he seems in front of the camera. I ain’t fraid of no ghost!

Ecto1

A-Team Van – The A-Team

Riding shotgun with B.A. Barracus and the gang, in the A-Team van, would be pretty sweet. I don’t think I’d bring much to the A-Team, but perhaps I could be their manager or something – setting up an A-Team website and organizing their bookings – letting Hannibal concentrate on strategy for taking down the bad guys.

Ferrari – Magnum P.I.

I’m an associate of Robin Masters, much like my boy Thomas Magnum. As an acquaintance, I have been given access to all of Mr. Masters’ toys, including the Ferrari. Together, Magnum and I would work the Hawaiian Islands, helping those who have found themselves in trouble and landing countless babes with our wild moustaches and overgrown chest hair.

Drink #108: Golden Cadillac

Golden Cadillac Cocktail

  • 2 oz Galliano
  • 1 oz Crème de Cacao
  • Top with Milk
  • Garnish with a Kit Kat Stick

My only requirement with all of these vehicles is that their respective theme songs be pumping on a continuous loop whenever we go for an outing. What track would be blasted in the Pope-mobile? Well, Hell’s Bells by AC/DC, of course!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
A very tasty drink indeed! Perfect for dessert, the Milk-based cocktail is delicious and the Kit Kat Stir Stick was the much-needed final touch to take the cocktail up a few notches.