April 3 – Leaving Las Vegas

Posted on April 3, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Strip Cinema

The title of today’s post may be misleading… we’ll actually be discussing some of the many great movies filmed in Las Vegas. So, if you readers want a taste of what Mrs. Sip and I enjoyed last weekend, why not try one of these movies (or today’s cocktail!). Note: While some films can feature a quick jaunt to Vegas, I’ve chosen to concentrate on the ones that are largely based in Sin City.

The Hangover (2009)

The surprise hit (although anyone could have told you this movie was going to be gold, just by the premise) highlighted everything a trip to Vegas has to offer: wild nights out, poor marital choices, getting knocked the eff out by Mike Tyson… you know, all the usual stuff. I’m willing to bet that people go to Vegas now and try to recreate the experience of Alan, Stu, Phil and Doug (poor guy never gets to be part of the fun, though). While I’m all for tripping the light fantastic on the strip, I hope anybody who tries to recreate the debauchery gets eaten by the MGM lions.

Ocean’s 11 (Original (1960) and Remake (2001))

I’m quite fond of both versions of this movie. The first features the Rat Pack (Frankie, Dean-O, Sammy, and the rest of the crew), while the remake sees George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Matt Damon and too many others to list light up the screen for a fun romp of a heist movie. The ending in each movie is different, which makes watching both totally worth it, and because of the gap between film releases (none of this 10 years later reboot crap), technology had changed so much that the movies have vastly different schemes.

Leaving Las Vegas (1995)

Nicholas Cage won an Oscar for his portrayal of Ben, a longtime alcoholic looking to end his life in one last epic binge. Along the way, he meets prostitute Sera and they form a relationship of sorts, as Ben drinks himself to death and Sera tries to make her life better. You gotta admire Ben’s drive and passion for the bottle. He shows all us boozehounds how to go out honourably.

Vegas Vacation (1997)

Clark Griswold and family are back at it, this time tackling Sin City. One of the highlights of the movie is underage Rusty, who ends up becoming a high roller thanks to a hilarious fake I.D. His lucky streak, as Nick Papagiorgio, saves the family from ruin, as only Chevy Chase can cause. Cousin Eddie is also back in this romp and I wish the casino he takes Clark to actually existed. Rock, Paper, Scissors… Pick-A-Number… I might actually have a chance at these games!

Showgirls (1995)

Let’s be honest… this cinematic gem is pretty awful, but you knew fans would flock to any movie that featured a Saved by the Bell actress in the buff. I personally would have preferred it to star Tiffany Amber Thiessen, but whatevs. Sometimes you just have to make peace with the breasts you are given.

Drink #93: Leaving Las Vegas

1 oz Vodka
1 oz Rum
1 oz Gin
1 oz Triple Sec
2 tbsp Sugar
Splash of Lemonade
Splash of Lemon-Lime Soda
Garnish with Lemon Wedge and Strawberry Slice

I used our coloured ice-cubes for a bit of extra something (since it is supposed to be a Vegas themed drink after all). This drink looks awfully familiar to a Long Island Iced Tea, just minus the cola and with lemonade and lemon-lime soda in its place. I personally love this family of drinks because they are so highly booze-fueled. The Beverly Hills Iced Tea will also be featured on this site in the future!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I love using the pink and white ice cubes. I think they add another layer to a clear cocktail like this. This is basically similar to a Long Island Iced Tea with a few altered ingredients. I love LIIT’s, so this one went down just as easy as all the others!

March 7 – Loopy Lemonade

Posted on March 7, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Cereal Killer

Today is Cereal Day… which I guess really means that literally anything can have its own day of recognition. Therefore I am in discussions to make September 22nd, your Sip Advisor’s birthday, National Sip Appreciation Day. We’ll have carnival rides and balloons and all that other good shit. Will there be drinks, you ask? Oh, you better believe there will be drinks! We’re all going to get hooched and Cookie Monster crazy! Anyway, that’s months away. Today we look at my favourite cereals from past, present and future.

Cookie Crisp

Speaking of Cookie Monster, it has been well-documented that I too am a monster of cookies. So what better way to get one of my manly daily doses of cookies than as part of a not-so-balanced breakfast. This cereal was tits and although it could only be found across the border in the United States (no surprise there), Mama Sip grabbed it on a few shopping trips so us Canadian kids could enjoy the experience, too.

Reese Puffs

What could be better than a cookie-based cereal? Oh, I don’t know… how about a breakfast constructed from Reese Peanut Butter Cups!? Mmmm, Reese Witherspoon’s peanut butter cups… why does my mind always go there. Back to the cereal… great, now I’m drooling. Screw it, let’s move on to the next entry.

Trix

Trix are for kids… and me. Another cereal that was hard to find in Canada, but at hotels that offered continental breakfasts in the US, you could often find a mini box of this fruit-flavoured treat. Froot Loops were, of course, easier to find in these here parts, which while also being a solid cereal choice, just wasn’t exactly up to par with its rabbit-mascotted counterpart. Plus, I hate birds so much that Toucan Sam always pissed me off.

Golden Grahams/Cinnamon Toast Crunch

On their own: reliable, hardworking, heart on their sleeves, character cereals (okay, so I described them like you would a fourth line hockey player, what of it?). Together, a magical union of honey and cinnamon sugar, graham crackers and toast. I have often experimented with other crossbreeds, but this is by far one of the best. Give it a try sometime and let me know how awesome it was!

Raisin Bran

I know what you’re thinking… Sip Advisor and Raisin Bran don’t seem to be a good fit. I assure you, my little sippers, that the pairing shocks me, as well. I have to say though, I love getting my two scoops of raisins on and I can’t really complain about the internal scrub brush that is fibre either.

Now let’s wash down this cereal with today’s cereal flavoured vodka cocktail!

Drink #66: Loopy Lemonade

1.5 oz Three Olives Loopy Vodka
Muddle Blackberries and Mint Leaves
Top with Lemonade
Garnish with Blackberry and Froot Loops

You know, they just don’t make cereals like they used to. Back in the day, cereal was a major marketing item for kid’s shows and such. Everything from Star Wars (C-3PO’s) to Gremlins had its own brand of breakfast product. I guess all the crap about childhood obesity nowadays has limited these campaigns. Maybe if fatty got up off the couch and played outside a little, we could see the return of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cereal, among many other childhood memories (like the one below).

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I liked the combination of muddled Blackberries and Mint. The Loopy Vodka is a great tasting libation that has many citrus notes and reminds me of Triple Secs and Curacaos.

March 1 – Berrynade

Posted on March 1, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Making Words Up

Well, you learn something new every day. Do you know what a portmanteau is? Sounds kind of like a dirty bedroom move, but it’s actually when two words are combined to make one. Kind of like the celebrity trend with couple’s names: Brangelina, Bennifer, TomKat. While those are utterly stupid, here are some portmanteaus (really roles off the tongue nicely… adding to its filthy sex maneuver mystique) that, like me, are pretty awesome:

Yellular – Ever notice how people’s voices go up about a million decibels when they’re on their cell phone? Right, because everyone on the bus wants to hear about your STD test results. If you got the clap, we’ll give you a round of applause!

Bromance – There’s absolutely nothing wrong with having a fond appreciation of your fellow man and sometimes there’s nothing better in the world than hanging with your buds, downing drinks, shooting the shit, and being stupid. Sex may top this, but if you’re in a “true” bromance, you’re getting that as well.

The Flight of the Conchords guys know all about bromance…

Nonversation – Ever talked to someone about absolutely nothing, but it still wastes 20 minutes of your day? Welcome to my workplace world, home of excruciating exchanges with people you don’t care to know anything about.

Social Notworking – Why work when you can spend hours a day liking Facebook statuses, posting photos of what you had for lunch on Instagram and hashtagging on Twitter?…Or making your next blog post…

Turducken – I’ve never actually had the pleasure of enjoying this delicacy. Perhaps someone can whip up a turkey-duck-chicken sandwich for me and e-mail it on over.

Chillax – The problem with me is that I chillax too much, to the point of really doing nothing at all. It’s my gift and my curse, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Imagineering – Walt Disney coined the concept of combining imagination and engineering and in our own little ways, we can all live up to this title.

Kidult – Ask Mrs. Sip and she will exasperatedly confirm that I am a kidult. I won’t let age get in the way of enjoying anything from cartoons to playground equipment and everything in between. Just try and stop me.

Frenemy – I’m frenemies with too many people to list. Among them: Mrs. Sip, my publisher, and the network (all which may actually be the same person). But especially my kitty. When he won’t sit with me, we are SO friends off…

Edutainment/Infotainment – What I like to consider this blog (another portmanteau, in fact) to be.

Mathlete – One day we will look up to the great minds of our world, as we do to sports icons like Lance Armstrong, Tiger Woods and O.J. Simpson… okay, maybe those three are bad examples. I wonder if the intellectual world is rife with scandal as well, like mathematicians using protractors and compasses to do the dirty or something.

Mocktail – Won’t find any of those around here…

Sexercise – Is there a better way to drop a few pounds!?

Sexting – The thorough stretching that goes into a good round of sexercise.

Sexcapade – What happens when your sexting and sexercise get you in trouble… but I like trouble!

Emoticon – My favourite emoticon is the one as shown here: :-0 <==8
Translation: Time for some archery, bitches!

Hangry – I get a little cranky when I’m hungry… speaking of which, I’m feeling a little peckish right now. Let’s wrap things up and get to today’s drink.

Drink #60: Berrynade (A Sip Advisor Original Recipe)

1 oz Gin (I used Bombay Sapphire)
0.5 oz Raspberry Vodka
Top with Lemonade
Garnish with raspberries and a strawberry wedge

Much like a portmanteau, I took berries and lemonade and made Berrynade. Now it’s time to have some fricken (fried chicken) before procrasterbating (not going to break this one down for you!).

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
I liked this little recipe I put together on the fly. Bombay Sapphire is such a nice Gin to build on top of. The Raspberry Vodka and Lemonade just helped with some nice flavours and all the fruit garnishes were fun to eat along with the cocktail.

February 26 – Life’s A Peach

Posted on February 26, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Rough Starts

Sure it’s February and the weather may not be at its best in your neck of the woods. Maybe you’ve caught a winter flu or cold bug (like Mrs. Sip passed along to your friendly neighbourhood liquor slinger). But hey, things could be worse. You could be one of these people, having a not-so-peachy start to 2013:

Lance Armstrong

Lancelot finally revealed what made him so “Livestrong” en route to winning seven Tour de France titles. With his image tarnished, all the good he ever did for cancer research and being an inspiration to cancer victims and their families has been tossed out the window along with his legacy in cycling. At least he hooked up with Cheryl Crow… that you can never take away from the man.

Oscar Pistorius

The ‘Blade Runner’ went from hero to zero in South Africa (and around the world) when he killed his girlfriend, model Reeva Steenkamp. Pistorius shot Steenkamp four times, claiming he mistook her for a robber. Guess when you hear someone burgling your precious toiletries it’s better to shoot four times through the locked bathroom door first and let the jury ponder questions of self-defence later. The only person involved in the case with perhaps an even less peachy time of it than Pistorius is the chief investigating officer, Hilton Botha, who managed to botch most of the initial investigation. But hey, it’s really hard to get your investigation details right when your mind is probably on your own upcoming charge of attempted murder, right Mr. Botha?

National Rifle Association

Speaking of gun violence, with all the recent incidents in the United States, the NRA is really under fire. How the NRA continues to push their pro-weapon message, in spite of all the school shootings, mall massacres, and other tragedies is beyond this simple Canadian boy. It’s sad that it seems there needs to be even more unnecessary killings in order to finally get the message across. Then again, if the past is any indication, the NRA isn’t listening to any messages that don’t call for principals, babysitteres, and girl scouts to start carrying guns. Whoa, a completely serious Sip Advisor. I must apologize for that, readers. It won’t happen again.

Subway

The hoagie haven has been busted for serving 11-inch sandwiches instead of the advertised 12-inches. How many more 12-inch sandwiches could have been made with the inch that was missing from every sandwich Subway has sold over the years? That’s an extra bite or two of glorious sandwich goodness and I for one am outraged!!! Apparently, I’m not alone, as there are several pending lawsuits against the chain. It’s hard to believe people would actually file suit over this. Can they claim extreme mental anguish because of the missing inch? Does an extra inch really make the difference (Mrs. Sip says it does). I personally think all the litigants should get paid out in coupons for one-inch subs. There, problem solved!

Victims of Russian Meteorite

Videos of this event have been astonishing viewers for weeks now. The crappiest part, aside from the more than 1,000 injuries, was the sonic boom that shattered so many windows in the area. Daytime temperatures in this part of Russia were only as high as -12-degrees Celsius, so you can assume that a lot of Russkies were freezing their asses off waiting for their insolation from the harsh climate to be restored. At least they have vodka and while it’s been proven to not actually heat a body, it’ll get ya drunk and make it easy for you to fall asleep, regardless of temperature. (Warning: passing out in extreme temperatures may cause frost bite, death, or your buddy to draw fallic symbols on your face).

Woman with Deadly Vagina

An unidentified Brazilian (the place, not the wax job) has been caught trying to kill her husband by putting a poisonous substance on her hoo-ha and demanding her husband pleasure her orally. Given she had recently asked for a divorce, that should have been his first clue to get the fuck outta Dodge. Lucky for our lethario, he has some bloodhound in him and smelled something fishy… and then he smelled something poisonous (*rimshot*).

To top it all off, the woman is being sued by her estranged husband… that’s right, sued… not criminally prosecuted, although sources say that is still a possibility. And we all thought Brazilian fart porn would be the country’s worst export in the sex department. Now we could see a rash of poison vagina murder copycat plots…

Pope Benedict XVI

Shouldn’t the pope be saying that prayer and faith will heal him and help him continue to lead the church? His stepping down due to age and illness (the first pope to resign since Gregory XII in 1415) shows that his election was totally the wrong choice (although he was given 7-1 odds to take the job… do people gamble on the papacy nowadays?). Personally I think the Catholic Church should just select someone young and sexy in its next conclave. Is Justin Bieber available?

2012 Doomsdayers

The fact that we’re all (well, most of us are) still here in 2013 is enough to drive an apocalypse theorist nuts (if they’re not already there). It won’t be long before another theory emerges and these crackpots get back to building their bomb shelters and stocking supplies for the “end of days.” I happen to think that I’d thrive in a post-apocalyptic world. Liquor would be in high demand and if you search my home, that seems to be all I’ve hoarded for emergency purposes!

Drink #57: Life’s A Peach

1 oz Vodka (I used Pinnacle Strawberry-Kiwi)
1 oz Peach Schnapps
Top with Lemonade
Garnish with a real Peach Wedge and a Fuzzy Peach candy

Yes, 2013 has been rough so far for the folks listed above. And to think, we’re only two months deep into the calendar. People still have another 10 months to completely mess up their year and everyone else’s. Never fear, though, my little sippers, I’ll always be here to make things better!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
I wasn’t entirely impressed with this cocktail. The Strawberry-Kiwi Vodka disappointed and didn’t blend well with the Peach Schnapps. With the drink done, I went to eat the Peach Wedge and realized, I don’t care much for peaches!

February 20 – Golden Shower

Posted on February 20, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Creative Control

When I first mentioned this drink to ‘The Network’ they wanted me to change the name of it. Well, friends, I absolutely despise censorship. I flat-out refused and then a full scale war between good and evil was initiated. We lost a lot of great men out there on the battlefield, but in the end, we came out triumphant. My blog, my say.

When we returned home from the war, we were lost souls. It was a hard adjustment to make back to civilian life and I felt we weren’t being appreciated for our efforts. Let me give you a little glimpse into my psyche… let’s call it the mind of a maniac.

Censorship is bad mmmkay. There’s no other way to put it. It takes away our freedom of speech and curbs creativity. Worse yet, it makes movies shown on TV completely unwatchable with all the bleeped out language and such. I mean, do we want this place to turn into communist China? (Which, despite its massive population, I note, is one of the few countries I have not received a single hit for this website).

Here are some mind-boggling examples of censorship that actually happened:

When Lucille Ball became pregnant, they incorporated this into her show I Love Lucy, but no characters were allowed to say the word “pregnant,” only “expecting.”
Married couples on TV were not allowed to be shown sharing a bed, instead sleeping in separate twin beds.
Jeannie on I Dream of Jeannie was not allowed to show her belly button and fabric was specifically added to her wardrobe to cut out her midriff.
On Happy Days, Fonzie was only to wear his patented leather jacket in scenes where he was riding his motorcycle (as safety equipment, of course), because otherwise it would make him look like a hoodlum, censors decreed. Therefore, Fonzie always appeared on or near his motorcycle, often leaning on or polishing it.

Ever since my Mortal Kombat game on Super Nintendo lacked blood, while my friend’s on Sega included all the wonderful gore a young child could want, I’ve opposed censors and their inherent need to ruin things for audiences. I vowed, from that moment forward to wage a campaign of intolerance against the intolerants.

A battle that – with the help of the vast and lawless internet and in association with channels like Comedy Central and HBO – I’m happy to say we’re fucking winning! (Yay for titties and foul language!)

It is every person’s right to see full-frontal nudity and scenes of explicit violence, while hearing language that would make a sailor blush. If you don’t like it, don’t watch it, listen to it or buy it… but don’t you dare tell me I can’t enjoy it.

“Oh, what about the children!? Who will protect them?” someone cries in despair. Well folks, it’s called parenting. If you have young ones at home, then every once in a while drag yourself away from watching fine upstanding and moralistic shows such as The Bachelor, Real Housewives, or UFC (of if you are a reader, 50 Shades of Whatever or that other book where kids kill each other) and impart on them some values… if you can remember what those are. Just saying.

And it is my right to make and appreciate a drink called the Golden Shower.

Drink #51: Golden Shower

0.5 oz Tequila
0.5 oz Southern Comfort
0.5 oz Galliano
Splash of Apple Juice
Top with Lemonade
Garnish with a lemon wedge

Nothing tops waking up and enjoying the splendor of a nice Golden Shower… the drink, I mean. Pervert!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
While the drink’s name might throw some people off, it was a wonderful concoction. The best part about mixology is trying different ingredients together that you normally never would. Just look at the listing of alcohols and mixers above, many of which you normally wouldn’t combine. They all work well together here.

February 11 – Berried Treasure

Posted on February 11, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Odd Couples

In today’s recipe, Crème de Cacao is combined with lemonade, which may seem like a strange pairing to some. It actually comes together deliciously like peanut butter and chocolate, wine and cheese, and Doritos and porn. The same can’t be said for these mismatched duos:

Flavor Flav & Brigitte Nielsen

What do you get when you throw two recovering addicts together, with the tease of their own reality show spinoff? True love, yo!!! And so we were treated to Strange Love, which chronicled the couple’s relationship, ending when Nielsen decided to return to her fiancé… wait, what!?! She was engaged during the entire charade.

Roger Ebert & Oprah Winfrey

Granted they only went on a couple of dates, before either one had become a household name, but their relationship just seems weird. Ebert did urge Oprah to take her local talk show into syndication, helping her become the high-power, influential brand she’s become since her early days with the movie critic. So now you know you have Ebert to thank for Oprah’s Book Club, among other things that at one time or another, have likely ruined every dude’s life.

Lance Armstrong & Ashley Olsen

One of them used performance enhancing drugs and the other likely should in order to beef up her gaunt, skeleton look. Fifteen-year age gap be damned. At least she’s not dating one of her former parental figures on Full House. Now that would be creepy.

Tom Green & Drew Barrymore

First, you have sweet, innocent Drew Barrymore (Playboy pictorial and history of addictions notwithstanding), member of the Barrymore Hollywood dynasty. Then, you have Canadian Tom Green, who somehow became a cult hit in the late 90’s/early 2000’s with his brand of off-the-wall prank humour. Somehow the crazy kids got together and it was even at a time in Barrymore’s life when she was sober.

Dennis Rodman & Madonna

Perhaps these two weren’t as mismatched as first thought. They’re both bizarre individuals with far-out personalities and they each like wearing coned bras and dresses while dyeing their hair a million different colours. They also have a knack for starring in movies, despite the fact they’re more famous for other professions (he of basketball and she of enormous sexual appetite).

Jesse James & Sandra Bullock

Why these two were ever together is an unexplainable mystery. The fact HE cheated on HER takes the absurdity level of the relationship to a whole ‘nutha level. When you look at the gremlin he cheated on her with, you’re left absolutely flummoxed (remember, I’m trying to bring this word back to the streets). What a scumbag! Plus, he’s not even related to legendary outlaw, Jesse James, as he’s always claimed.

Bert & Ernie

They’re just roommates… quit bugging them about the whole gay thing. Hell, Ernie’s closer to his rubber ducky than he is to Evil Bert.

Drink #42: Berried Treasure

1.5 oz Raspberry Vodka
0.75 oz Crème de Cacao
0.5 oz Chambord
Top with Lemonade
Garnish with lemon wedge

Some say that Mr. and Mrs. Sip are an odd couple. What with her beauty, success and joie de vive. To those people I say, you’re right… but I wouldn’t have it any other way!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
One disappointment with the drink was that the Lemonade mixer wasn’t fizzy, as I had expected it to be. The flavour was still okay, but a little zip would have helped score the cocktail higher.

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