Mixer Mania #25 – Tonic Treatment

Tonic water is a polarizing mixer, but I have come to appreciate it in some drinks, specifically the Gin & Tonic. With that in mind, let’s take a look at some of the best fictional tonics to ever be imagined:

Simpson & Son’s Revitalizing Tonic – The Simpsons

Created by Grampa Simpson, this potion will turn a loser into a lothario with one quick swig. After successfully using it, Homer decides that he and his dad should go into business together and sell the aphrodisiac to other men desperate for a quick pick-me-up.

The Simpsons has also featured other fantastical solutions, such as Brain & Nerve Tonic, which caused baseball star Ken Griffey Jr. to become addicted and overdose on the substance, causing gigantism. Lastly, there’s Dimoxinil, a hair regrowth remedy, which Homer used to improve his looks and life, only for Bart to knock over the bottle and spill the remaining cure.

Simpson & Son_s Revitalizing Tonic

Vitameatavegamin – I Love Lucy

Containing vitamins, meat, vegetables, and minerals, this health product was meant to provide users with their daily doses of each element in a single serving. The invention also contained alcohol, causing Lucy to start feeling the effects as the takes for the commercial she was filming began to pile up, with typically hilarious results.

Dr. Terminus – Pete’s Dragon

Snake oil salesman Dr. Terminus plays a key role in the original Pete’s Dragon movie. While the potions he’s selling are fakes and he’s been chased out of every town he’s tried to sell his wares, the “doctor” actually believes in his creations. As he sings: “Bites and burns and blue abrasions, got a pill for all occasions!”

Dr. Flimflam’s Miracle Cream – Futurama

Purchased by Dr. Zoidberg for an exorbitant price, the cream does provide Leela and Fry with superpowers, a listed side effect for humans. They form the New Justice Team with robot Bender and provide heroics to the city of New New York… at least until the cream runs out.

Mixer Mania #25: Desperation

Desperation.JPG

  • 1 oz Vodka
  • 1 oz Triple Sec
  • 1 oz Midori
  • Top with Tonic Water
  • Garnish with a Lime Wheel

There is also a long list of fictional erectile-dysfunction remedies, usual coming from sketch comedy shows, such as Saturday Night Live and Mad TV, parodying the industry.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
There are some interesting Tonic Water cocktails out there and I look forward to experimenting more with the mixer in the future. As for this drink, it was pretty good with the bitter tonic followed closely by the sweet flavours of orange and melon, resulting in a balanced beverage.

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August 2 – Red Headed Princess

Ginger Snaps

Last week, we looked at the best male gingers. While I can’t say that redheads do much for me, I know they get the blood boiling for many men out there and I even I have to admit that some of them are on fire. This will basically be a list of the hottest gingers (save for the top pick, who makes the list because she’s an iconic personality), so if that’s your thing, you can thank me later!

#5: Mystique – X-Men

Particularly played by the vivacious Rebecca Romjin (although, I suppose Jennifer Lawrence holds her own, as well), Mystique is beautiful, despite her blue skin. In the X-Men world, there’s also Jean Grey if you’re into reds, but she’s too straight-laced. If you’re going to go ginger, you want one that has an edge and you’ll find that with Mystique. Not to mention, if you ever grew tired of the redhead look, the shape shifter could always turn into something new to spice up your love life!

Mystique Research

#4: Ariel – The Little Mermaid

The Little Mermaid still gets some guys all hot and bothered to this day… perhaps it’s that scene in the movie when she first washes ashore sans clothing. That, or it’s the fact that she can’t speak that may help some fellas along! I don’t know how things would really work (I’m not an anatomical expert, after all) given her half-fish lower end, but if there’s a will, there’s a way!

#3: Mary Jane Watson – Spiderman

MJ is the ultimate tease. Always calling Peter Parker “tiger” and shizzle like that. She does actually get together with the web slinger (and I don’t mean for that to sound as dirty as it does), although their relationship has its tragedies. Somehow, the new millennium movies failed to make MJ nearly as sexy as she is in the 90’s cartoon. It could have been the casting of Kirsten Dunst, but I think the writing played a large role in diminishing that charatcer’s sex appeal.

Mary Jane Spiderman

#2: Rogue – X-Men

Of course, I’m thinking of the cartoon version of the character (no knock to Miss Sookie Stackhouse), whom I’ve been a fan of for a very long time. The southern belle attitude, skin tight uniform, and passionate flair all total one sexy mutant. You’d certainly have to find a way to get over the whole not being able to touch her bare skin and her only being able to touch you with gloved hands, but relationship do require sacrifices!

#1: Lucy Ricardo – I Love Lucy

Lucy would likely drive any potential partner to an early grave given the misadventures she always seemed to become embroiled in. That said, Lucille Ball was a comedic genius and some of her bits from the venerable I Love Lucy show are still remembered today. Ball was also a shrewd business woman and established an empire and legacy that has kept her name out there long after she passed. Lucy was truly a national treasure and a legendary redhead.

Super Saturday Shot Day: Red Headed Princess

Red Headed Princess Shot

  • 0.5 oz Jagermeister
  • 0.5 oz Peach Schnapps
  • 0.5 oz Cranberry Juice
  • Garnish with a Watermelon Chunk

Some honourable mentions have to be handed out to Ygritte from Game of Thrones, Jessica Rabbit from Who Framed Roger Rabbit?, Poison Ivy and Batgirl from Batman, and Black Widow from The Avengers. It’s funny how many of these hot reds come from the comic world, where I suppose they’re just more respected… that, or geeks are willing to drop their standards a little!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4.5 Sips out of 5):
Mrs. Sip and I both didn’t feel comfortable using the popular shooter Red Headed Slut, so we went with the Princess option… stay classy, right!? I found it interesting how the Peach Schnapps settled into a thin layer at the bottom of the shooter. It was a really good shot that mixed sweet and sour and went down incredibly smooth!

May 17 – Carry Me Home

Won’t You Be My Neighbour?

Neighbours… sometimes you love them and sometimes you hate them. One thing is for sure: you rarely get to choose them. Over the next two weeks, we’ll be looking at some of the best and worst neighbour pairs, so be prepared for the good, the bad, and the ugly. Here are the Top 5 best neighbours to have:

#5: Ricardo Family & Mertz Family – I Love Lucy

Sure, Lucy and Ethel get into a lot of trouble together, which can wreak havoc on the collective group’s relationship, but this quartet has managed to remain friends through the thick and thin of some of the greatest sitcom misunderstandings. Ironically, off-screen, Vivian Vance and William Frawley, who played the Mertz’s did not like each other, with Vance even turning down a proposed spinoff and own series for the two. Instead, Vance chose to share a house with Lucille Ball in another series, The Lucy Show, becoming the first divorced character in American TV history. I guess Vance wanted to be even closer to her longtime neighbour.

Lucy and Ethel

#4: Monica Geller/Rachel Green & Joey Tribbiani/Chandler Bing – Friends

Chandler moved in to the apartment building in Greenwich Village, Manhattan thanks to Monica telling him about the available flat across the hall from her. By the end of the series, the two were married and starting a family together. Rachel and Joey (their eventual respective roommates) almost became a couple, as well, but it wasn’t meant to be. I didn’t watch a ton of Friends, but the best episodes I ever saw were when the two sets of roommates competed for apartments. The boys won, but swapped properties back in exchange for the girls kissing.

#3: Leonard Hofstadter & Penny – Big Bang Theory

The only thing better than a decent neighbour is one you can have sex with. When the gorgeous Penny moves in across the hall from geeky Leonard, his world is turned upside down. She is certainly out of his league, but this tale of nice guys never win has a happy ending, with Leonard and Penny finally becoming a couple. I still wonder why the two haven’t moved in together, to at the very least, save rent money, but perhaps Penny still needs to have a sanctuary where she can get away from Sheldon. Interestingly, I hadn’t noticed that Penny’s last name has never been divulged on the show until putting together this article. Soon enough, it may be Hofstadter.

Friends with Geeks

#2: Matthews Family & Mr. Feeny – Boy Meets World

Mr. Feeny is a wealth of knowledge (likely thanks to his experiences as the voice of a car) and while his tutelage isn’t always openly accepted by young Eric and Cory Matthews, he is there for all the members of the Matthews family when needed. It would be rough going through your entire education with your neighbour as either a teacher, principal, or dean, but that’s exactly the hand Cory, in particular, has been dealt. If it weren’t for Mr. Feeny being so awesome, it may have been tough sledding for the young Matthews men, although it’s not like they didn’t ever stir the pot and put Feeny through some hell.

#1: Tim Taylor & Wilson Wilson – Home Improvement

When you get into as many sticky situations as Tim Taylor, it’s a blessing to have a neighbour like Wilson Wilson around to help you sort through your dilemmas with offbeat allegories and thought-provoking messages. And Wilson wasn’t only help to Tim. He practically had a hand in raising each of the three Taylor children, as well as keeping Tim and Jill’s marriage running as smoothly as possible… given Tim’s penchant for putting his foot in his mouth or a tool through an appendage. You may never see Wilson’s full face or get a sense of his lifestyle, but one thing is for sure: the dude spends a lot of time in his backyard!

Super Saturday Shot Day: Carry Me Home

Carry Me Home Shot

  • 0.5 Butterscotch Schnapps
  • 0.5 oz Crème de Cacao
  • Dash of Kahlua
  • Splash of Milk
  • Garnish with Cocoa Powder

Like a good neighbour, State Farm is there… or at least these other pairings are. Next week, we delve into the worst neighbours of all-time. Oh, the stories I could tell from my own experiences… I’m still going through counseling thanks to some of them!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
This shot was pretty good with flavours of Butterscotch Schnapps and Crème de Cacao competing for your attention and the Kahlua coming in with the aftertaste. Make sure to share one of these with your favourite neighbour!

August 3 – Roasted Mellow

Friends Forever

Today is Friendship Day and it gives up the perfect opportunity to huddle around the campfire with this awesome and creative shot and our best buds. With that in mind, we’re looking at BFF’s in media. Duos and groups that stand by each other through thick and thin, sharing triumphs and defeats together. Here are some of the best:

Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble – The Flintstones

Always up to something, Fred and Barney are total bros. When either of them is in need of help, whether it be dealing with thugs, their wives, or even dressing in drag together to win a pastry competition, the other is quick to step up and lend a helping hand. The two even work together at the Slate Rock and Gravel Company.

Fred and Barney

Troy Barnes and Abed Nadir – Community

While seemingly having opposite personalities at first – Troy a popular jock and Abed a media-obsessed geek – the two Greendale Community College students quickly formed a tight bond, hosting a campus morning show together and inventing their own handshake. Eventually, Troy and Abed moved in together so they could continue their fun together at all hours.

The Boys – Entourage

Vince, E, Drama, and Turtle are virtually inseparable as they traverse the Hollywood scene together. When actor Vince hit it big in the movie industry, he took his best friends (and brother Johnny Drama) along with him for the ride. Drama is also an actor, while Eric becomes a talent manager, and Turtle dabbles in a few side businesses, trying to find success on his own.

Bart Simpson and Milhouse Van Houten / Homer Simpson and Barney Gumble – The Simpsons

The Simpson men each have a friend who’ve they’ve known practically their entire life. The apple obviously didn’t fall too far from the tree, as while Bart is the impetus for Milhouse getting into sticky situations, Homer is the one who introduced Barney to beer, pushing him into years of alcoholism and failed opportunities.

Homer and Barney

Danny Tanner and Joey Gladstone – Full House

When Danny suffered the death of his wife and had to figure out how to raise three young girls on his own, his buddy Joey was quick to step in (and move in) to the Tanner family home. Joey becomes a second father to DJ, Stephanie, and Michelle and an integral member of their family unit. The jokester and impressionist knew just how to keep the mood light around the house.

Harry Dunn and Lloyd Christmas – Dumb & Dumber

Upon further inspection, Harry and Lloyd have only each other. No one else could possibly tolerate these two idiots for long enough to form a bond. While not the brightest guys in the world (in fact, far from it), they are decent human beings who are only held back by their complete lack of intelligence.

Kevin Arnold and Paul Pfeiffer – The Wonder Years

These two grew up together, through all the awkward adolescent years (especially for Paul… I’m mean, have a look at him) and despite the odd falling out, the boys were always there for each other. Paul was there all along as Kevin fell in and out of love with neighbor Winnie Cooper. I wonder who would have done Paul’s adult voiceovers, if it was ever needed…

wonder years

Lucy Ricardo and Ethel Mertz – I Love Lucy

Poor Ethel was put into so many awkward situations and got into so much trouble because of Lucy… but she probably wouldn’t have had it any other way! Lucy definitely made life interesting for the housewives through her various schemes. Actresses Lucille Ball and Vivian Vance were friends offstage, as well, which likely helped with their chemistry.

Beavis and Butt-head – Beavis and Butt-head

Beavis and Butthead were partners in crime (sometimes literally) as they wasted great chunks of their life together, watching music videos, idolizing all the wrong people, and chasing after women outside of their league. In flashbacks throughout the show’s run, you get a sense that the two only had each other and that’s all they ever needed.

beavis-and-butthead

Bert and Ernie – Sesame Street

They may simply be roommates (or are they?), but Bert and Ernie come as a package deal. The only thing that could possibly come between the chums is Ernie’s rubber ducky, but that’s only for tub time. Bert sometimes grows frustrated with Ernie’s antics, but in the end, the two learn a lesson together, which is also imparted on youngster’s watching at home.

Cory Matthews and Shawn Hunter – Boy Meets World

Before Topanga entered Cory’s life and took over the “best friend” role, Shawn was his preeminent pal, as the two tried to survive growing up together. From grade school all the way through college, there was rarely a time when the two were apart, with Shawn even living with Cory and his family for long stretches of time.

Drink #215: Roasted Mellow

Aug 3

  • 0.5 oz Marshmallow Vodka (I used Smirnoff Fluffed)
  • 0.5 oz Scotch
  • 0.5 oz Chocolate Liqueur
  • Pour shot in Giant Marshmallow

How are you spending Friendship Day? Make sure to share some time with the folks that make you who you are and you couldn’t live without!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
You know, this shot didn’t taste that bad. Did it taste like a roasted marshmallow? Perhaps a little, thanks obviously to the Marshmallow Vodka and even to the Scotch and its smoky aftertaste. The addition of Chocolate Liqueur should change the recipe to being call The S’more or something of that ilk. Massive credit to my wasteland of a brain for coming up with putting the shot directly into a Giant Marshmallow!

February 20 – Golden Shower

Creative Control

When I first mentioned this drink to ‘The Network’ they wanted me to change the name of it. Well, friends, I absolutely despise censorship. I flat-out refused and then a full scale war between good and evil was initiated. We lost a lot of great men out there on the battlefield, but in the end, we came out triumphant. My blog, my say.

censorship

When we returned home from the war, we were lost souls. It was a hard adjustment to make back to civilian life and I felt we weren’t being appreciated for our efforts. Let me give you a little glimpse into my psyche… let’s call it the mind of a maniac.

Censorship is bad mmmkay. There’s no other way to put it. It takes away our freedom of speech and curbs creativity. Worse yet, it makes movies shown on TV completely unwatchable with all the bleeped out language and such. I mean, do we want this place to turn into communist China? (Which, despite its massive population, I note, is one of the few countries I have not received a single hit for this website).

Here are some mind-boggling examples of censorship that actually happened:

  • When Lucille Ball became pregnant, they incorporated this into her show I Love Lucy, but no characters were allowed to say the word “pregnant,” only “expecting.”
  • Married couples on TV were not allowed to be shown sharing a bed, instead sleeping in separate twin beds.
  • Jeannie on I Dream of Jeannie was not allowed to show her belly button and fabric was specifically added to her wardrobe to cut out her midriff.
  • On Happy Days, Fonzie was only to wear his patented leather jacket in scenes where he was riding his motorcycle (as safety equipment, of course), because otherwise it would make him look like a hoodlum, censors decreed. Therefore, Fonzie always appeared on or near his motorcycle, often leaning on or polishing it.

FCC

Ever since my Mortal Kombat game on Super Nintendo lacked blood, while my friend’s on Sega included all the wonderful gore a young child could want, I’ve opposed censors and their inherent need to ruin things for audiences. I vowed, from that moment forward to wage a campaign of intolerance against the intolerants.

A battle that – with the help of the vast and lawless internet and in association with channels like Comedy Central and HBO – I’m happy to say we’re fucking winning! (Yay for titties and foul language!)

It is every person’s right to see full-frontal nudity and scenes of explicit violence, while hearing language that would make a sailor blush. If you don’t like it, don’t watch it, listen to it or buy it… but don’t you dare tell me I can’t enjoy it.

TV Censorship

“Oh, what about the children!? Who will protect them?” someone cries in despair. Well folks, it’s called parenting. If you have young ones at home, then every once in a while drag yourself away from watching fine upstanding and moralistic shows such as The Bachelor, Real Housewives, or UFC (of if you are a reader, 50 Shades of Whatever or that other book where kids kill each other) and impart on them some values… if you can remember what those are. Just saying.

And it is my right to make and appreciate a drink called the Golden Shower.

Drink #51: Golden Shower

Golden Shower Cocktail

  • 0.5 oz Tequila
  • 0.5 oz Southern Comfort
  • 0.5 oz Galliano
  • Splash of Apple Juice
  • Top with Lemonade
  • Garnish with a lemon wedge

Nothing tops waking up and enjoying the splendor of a nice Golden Shower… the drink, I mean. Pervert!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
While the drink’s name might throw some people off, it was a wonderful concoction. The best part about mixology is trying different ingredients together that you normally never would. Just look at the listing of alcohols and mixers above, many of which you normally wouldn’t combine. They all work well together here.