Jamaica – Neo-Tropical

Lightning Strikes

The fastest man on the planet in one Usain Bolt. This Jamaican worked his way up to become an icon of the running world and his country of Jamaica. Let’s take a closer look at the ‘Lightning Bolt’ (seriously, the dude’s name is perfect for the sport he excels at), while enjoying some fine Jamaican rum!:

Born in Trelawny, Jamaica on August 21, 1986, Bolt turned pro in 2004 after a successful youth and junior career. At his first Olympic Games in 2004, he was eliminated in the first round, while suffering through a leg injury. Four years later, the world would be formally introduced to the sprinter who runs at a whopping 23.7 mph.

Bolt Versus

Bolt holds the World Record in the 100m, 200m, and 4x100m relay, his three signature events. Combined, Bolt has taken home six Olympic gold medals as well as numerous other awards and accolades. His honours include IAAF World Athlete of the Year, Laureus World Sportsman of the Year, Track & Field Athlete of the Year, and BBC Sports Personality of the Year.

Despite his triple gold medal performance at the 2008 Beijing Olympics and leap into the world’s eye, Bolt had not been very successful in the 100m discipline up to that historic victory. It has been noted that Bolt’s finishing time could have been even better, given the runner slowed up at the end and began celebrating.

It’s hard to believe, but Bolt first aspired to be a professional cricketer. Can you imagine this energetic speed demon sitting idly and going through the long matches that make up the wicket sport? Instead, he takes care of business in under 10 seconds (20 for 200m races). Anyway, it was his cricket coach who steered him towards sprint running after noticing the athlete’s intense speed. Bolt is also an avid football fan (of the European variety, of course) and has dreamed of suiting up for Manchester United when he retires from sprinting.

Jamaican Zombies

Talk about an athlete you can love and respect: the man ate Chicken McNuggets throughout his time at the 2008 Beijing Olympics. Apparently, Bolt was afraid to eat anything else while in China and estimates he consumed 1,000 McNuggets over his 10-day stay in the country. Somehow this didn’t lead to a McDonald’s sponsorship deal… perhaps it’s because his favoruite fast food restaurant has been noted as being KFC.

The Sip Advisor doesn’t like tying his shoe laces and apparently this is a trait shared with Bolt. The difference is, I’m an booze enthusiast who needs to be able to remove his shoes in the worst of stupors, while Bolt is a finely-tuned athlete who participates in a sport where equipment could make all the difference. Bolt even ran his record shattering 100m gold medal race with laces undone.

Bolt has his own mobile game app, Bolt!, which sees the track star running from pirates while trying to collect gold coins and avoid obstacles. Bolt is also a playable character in the wildly popular Temple Run video game series, which follows a very similar premise, just minus the pirates.

Conan on Bolt

The runner’s famous victory pose, dubbed ‘To Di World’, is more commonly known the world over as ‘Bolting.’ I’m still waiting for my ‘Sipping’ stance to take the universe by storm, but Mrs. Sip tells me I shouldn’t hold my breath. Then again, it’s not like I can really kill any MORE brain cells!

Bolt enjoys annual earnings of over $20 million, coming from prize money, appearances, endorsements, and even the Jamaican government. He has promotional deals with Puma, Visa, Nissan, Virgin Media, Gatorade, and many others, which account for all but approximately $300,000 of his net worth.

Bolt Sperm

The Jamaicans are a musical bunch (our next post will focus on reggae and the Rastafarian movement) and Bolt even has his own line of headphones. Soul Electronics signed a deal with the runner to be their global ambassador. He also has his own restaurant and sports bar in Jamaica, called Tracks & Records, as well as a clothing line.

An autobiography chronicling Bolt’s life was released in 2010. Titled ‘My Story: 9.58: Being the World’s Fastest Man,’ Bolt said of the book at a press conference before it hit store shelves: “It’s my life, and I’m a cool and exciting guy.” Sounds about right for a guy who in his free time enjoys dancing and DJ’ing and has been described as laid back… everything you might expect from a Jamaican appearing in a Red Stripe beer commercial!

Jamaica: Neo-Tropical

Neo-Tropical Cocktail

  • 2 oz Appleton Rum
  • 0.5 oz Coconut Rum
  • 0.25 oz Jagermeister
  • 0.25 oz Raspberry Liqueur
  • Splash of Pineapple Juice
  • Garnish with Raspberries

I can’t believe how many similarities the Sip Advisor shares with this world-class athlete. From the untied shoes to supporting Manchester United to our mutual love of chicken nuggets… look out, Mrs. Sip, I think I’m falling in love with the man!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
This cocktail’s liquor mix was interesting with Jagermeister being invited to play with the rums. Once again, Pineapple Juice isn’t a favourite mixer of mine, but it was decent here. I’ve always loved Raspberries as a garnish and this rendition was no different.

Croatia – Belle of the Ball

Mad Scientist

While most have heard of Thomas Edison, the same can’t be said for his rival Nikola Tesla. Tesla was born in what is now Croatia in 1856 and the genius inventor created and theorized significantly over his life, but fell into obscurity after dying. Only in recent years, have his achievements gained more recognition with many coming to the conclusion that his alternate current (AC) electricity was in fact better and safer than Edison’s direct current (DC) electricity. So, let’s tune up some AC/DC and learn about the unsung hero:

Tesla once worked for Edison, designing and improving electrical equipment. As he relocated from France to the United States, he was aboard a ship that faced a mutiny and was nearly tossed overboard. Some of his money, luggage, and even his ticket aboard the vessel were stolen. When he arrived in New York City, he had four cents to his name. He must have hid those pennies real well!

Tesla Electrifying

The beginning of the two men’s rivalry may have occurred when Tesla began redesigning Edison’s motors and generators with the promise of a $50,000 reward. When improvements were made, Edison said he was merely joking, although he did offer a weekly pay raise to Tesla, who quit the job immediately.

The War of Currents between Edison and George Westinghouse (who employed Tesla as a consultant and used his alternate current patents and inventions) drove both men to the brink of bankruptcy. The AC current won the war, despite Edison’s smear campaign against Tesla and Westinghouse, using AC to electrocute animals in an attempt to show it as more dangerous and even inadvertently creating the electric chair method of capital punishment. Suck it, Edison!

Legends persist that Tesla and Edison were to be co-winners of the 1915 Nobel Prize in Physics, but one or both of them refused the honour thanks to their bitter hatred of each other. Some even say that Edison, who had grown wealthy thanks to his inventions, balked at the reward just to make sure Tesla didn’t receive any prize money.

Tesla's Bitch

Because of his Eastern European ethnicity and some of his concepts and inventions, Tesla gained a reputation as a mad scientist and a number of conspiracy theories center on the inventor, such as UFO and occult related notions. Some of Tesla’s papers are still classified by the U.S. government and when asked for through Freedom of Information requests, are heavily censored.

A hero of super villains everywhere, Tesla claimed to have invented a death ray, dubbed ‘Teleforce.’ Known as a “directed-energy weapon” or even a “peace ray,” Tesla insisted he had built and tested the device. When he grew suspicious of spies and other officials trying to steal the plans from him, he revealed that the entire blueprint was in his mind and had never been drawn out on paper.

Despite all the rumours, Tesla had over 700 patents to his name and can be credited with work in robotics, radar, wireless communication, lighting, and so much more. Tesla was also a showman and often invited the press to his birthday party, where he would unveil new creations and discuss his various theories. Among his greatest inventions was the Tesla Coil, which allowed the transmission of electrical energy without wires.

Tesla Coils

As it is with most brilliant people, Tesla had some quirks. He claimed to only need two hours sleep each night (although he napped, as well) and had some issues with obsessive compulsive disorder, including the cleaning of cutlery and a fascination with the number three, going so far as to wash his hands three times in a row and walk around a building thrice before entering.

Sounding like Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory, Tesla denounced marriage and sex, stating “I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.” At least he didn’t use Sheldon’s term of coitus when he believed that getting down with his bad self would take away from his scientific achievements. Hey, the guy did create remote control, radio, and even lasers, so perhaps he was onto something.

One thing I can certainly fault Tesla for (I mean, aside from his anti-sex agenda) was his affection for pigeons. I’ve written numerous times about my disdain for the winged rats, but Tesla would go so far as to rescue injured pigeons and bring them home. He even fell in love with one, writing “I loved that pigeon as a man loves a woman, and she loved me. As long as I had her, there was a purpose to my life.” Now, that, my little sippers, is a prime example of eccentricity!

Tesla Kitten

Tesla passed away in 1943, with little to no fortune, unlike his contemporaries, Edison and Westinghouse. After dying, Tesla was cremated with his ashes being placed in a golden sphere urn, as the sphere was his favourite shape (despite reportedly hating round jewelry like pearls and even going so far as to not speak to women who wore them). The urn is on display at the Nikola Tesla museum in Belgrade, Serbia.

Posthumous honours for the scientist include the unit of measure for magnetic field strength being known as a “tesla” and an electric car company, Tesla Motors, being named in memory of the inventor. Best of all, he now has a Sip Advisor article dedicated to his work!

Croatia: Belle of the Ball

Belle of the Ball Cocktail

  • 0.75 oz Irish Crème
  • 0.5 oz Rakija
  • 0.25 oz Campari
  • 0.25 oz Jagermeister
  • Dash of Angostura Bitters
  • Garnish with Orange Slice

I’ve become interested in Tesla in recent years and it seems I’m not alone, as others become recognizant of the fact that his contributions to the world went largely uncelebrated compared to some of his partners and adversaries. This drink is made in his honour!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (2.5 Sips out of 5):
This cocktail is pretty good… until that damn Campari bitter aftertaste kicks in and dominates the whole experience. The Rakija is pretty strong too, but not in a necessarily bad way. The cocktail measurements don’t provide a big drink, so it’s not like you’re dedicating a lot of time to it. Give it a shot if you’re curious, but it might be one recipe to avoid.

November 23 – Oatmeal Cookie

Whiskey Laughs

Whiskey is such a good friend to all of Sip Nation that it doesn’t even mind us sharing a few laughs at its expense. Thank you for all the good times sir whiskey, the great!

Pure Kentucky Whiskey

I wholeheartedly agree that whiskey is a cure for all ailments. Look no further than my Whiskey Sick Day article from last April. It is no coincidence that just days after downing this cocktail (the things I do for all you little sippers) I was feeling better and over my illness. I’ve never really ended up on the bathroom floor for any reason, but I’ve seen friends end up there and it’s pretty hilarious!

Funeral Whiskey

I’m that guy that brings whiskey nearly everywhere I go: wedding, funeral, sporting event, bris, dentist appointment… you name it! Whiskey will get you through whatever situation is in front of you. That’s right, whatever your girlfriend, wife, parents, siblings, family are set to put you through, just keep your old pal whiskey close by and all will go well… trust me!

Fireball-Chocolates

For the record, I would love to get Fireball Whiskey as a Valentine’s Day gift. I hope Mrs. Sip is paying attention to this article. She usually gets me liquor as presents, but I just want her to know that those gifts are greatly appreciated. Sex is cool too, if you’re taking notes (wink)!

favorite-nusery-ryhme-freebird

Freebird is a pretty wicked song… perhaps one of the best southern anthems of all time! Although I know this can be an issue for some people, I’m okay with these posed photos with kids looking like they’re boozing or smoking or whatever. For the most part, I find them pretty innocent and funny. Every kid needs a photo of them when they were little ones holding a beer bottle or having a pack of smokes nearby. It’s a rite of passage!

soup-of-the-day

If I ever saw this sign outside a bar, I would drop everything I was doing and promptly enter said establishment! I’m not even a fan of soup and have never really understood the concept of people getting soup at restaurants when it’s pretty friggin’ easy to make a bowl of hot liquid on your own. A mystery I may never be able to solve!

Drink #327: Oatmeal Cookie

Oatmeal Cookie Shooter

  • 0.5 oz Butterscotch Schnapps
  • 0.5 oz Irish Crème
  • Splash of Jagermeister Spice
  • Splash of Goldschlager
  • Splash of Fireball Whiskey
  • Garnish with Oatmeal Cookie

If you know of any good whiskey memes out there in internet land, please send them along, care of The Sip Advisor, PO Box 71169, and I’ll be happy to enjoy a quick chuckle over the joke. Much love, little sippers!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
I’m not sure how much this shot tastes like an oatmeal cookie. There’s definitely a noticeable cinnamon flavour thanks to most of the spirits used, but I don’t think it exactly hits on the intended taste. That could be my fault, as I altered some of the recipe. It still tasted good and it was my first chance to use Jagermeister Spice, which I also tried on its own and it looks like we’ll become fast friends!

September 28 – Das Boot

Festival Follies

Today marks the beginning of Oktoberfest, causing drinkers everywhere to rejoice in an orgy of beer bashing and mischievous good times. While Germany is home to this fiesta, the festival is celebrated the world over… well, maybe not in those loser countries where the people don’t drink… did I mention how loser that is? I would love to celebrate a true Oktoberfest sometime in my life. Here are some other festivals that top my list of must-dos:

La Tomatina – Spain

Throwing tomatoes at a bunch of strangers… count me in! I wonder how many people end up with seed-related injuries as a result of La Tomatina. Similarly, Spain also has the Grape Throwing Festival, while Italy is home to the Battle of the Oranges. What is with Europeans and wanting to throw food at each other… starving folks around the world must be pissed about this!

la-tomatina

Holi Festival – India

While I really don’t want to ever go to India, the country’s Holi Festival looks really neat. On the plus side, many areas around the world have ripped off the event and I might not need to ever go to India. Basically anywhere you can find people throwing coloured dust at each other will get the job done. The Color Me Rad event takes place around the world, but includes a 5km run (which you have to pay for!), so eff that!

Calgary Stampede

There’s that Canadian content again! I would love to attend this cowboy and cowgirl dream sometime and it wouldn’t be too hard, given my proximity to Calgary and having a few friends based there. From what I’ve heard, the partying is crazy and there are free pancake breakfasts each morning to help you sober up and get ready for another day of tight jeans, plaid shirts, ten gallon hats and leather boots. Yeehaw!

Calgary Stampede

That’s my type of gunslinger!

Dia de los Muertos – Mexico

Otherwise known as Day of the Dead, this Mexican event puts Halloween celebrations to shame. If you’ve never seen a graveyard in Mexico that is a sight everyone needs to behold at some point in their life. Mexicans honour their deceased family and friends with decorative grave sites, which they maintain with great regularity. All the candles and embellishments are quite impressive.

Carnival/Mardi Gras – Brazil/New Orleans

So long as you don’t get robbed, beaten, sexually assaulted, or murdered, then this would be a fun time. Regardless of where you celebrate it, you’re sure to see a horde of beautiful women, from Brazil’s butt shakin’ beauties to all the tourists who take their game to New Orleans and drunkenly expose their naughty bits in exchange for beads and other trinkets.

Mardi Gras Kitty

Pingxi Lantern Festival/Obon Festival – Taiwan/Japan

These two festivals involve lighting lanterns and releasing them with the Pingxi Lantern Festival finishing with lanterns being released into the sky, while the Obon Festival ends with lanterns being let loose to float away in the water. The whole concept was used in Disney’s Tangled and was one of the most beautiful scenes I’ve ever witnessed in 3-D.

Songkran Water Festival – Thailand

I’m a huge fan of getting wet (take that as you may!) and any event that supports the worship of water is fine in my books. The Thai celebrate by soaking each other with all available items from buckets to squirt guns to hoses. My weapon of choice would be water ballons because then you also get that wonderful splat sound when you hit your target!

Songkran Water Festival

San Fermin Festiva – Spain

Known worldwide thanks to its main event of the Running of the Bulls, I don’t really need to attend for much else. Just let those suckers loose, get out of my way so I can have a little run before finding safety and it’s on to the next thrill. Who doesn’t want to risk getting gored into oblivion by a 2,000-pound beast? Surprisingly, only 15 people have died since 1910, as a result of the running.

Pride Festival – Worldwide

Mrs. Sip and I have yet to attend a Pride Festival, despite living in a part of the world that has a thriving LGBT community. The issue is that we’re always away over the August long weekend (usually in remote areas) and not around to partake in celebrations. We will have to rectify this if we ever have a free long weekend in the future.

Pride Festival

Monkey Buffet Festival – Thailand

Feeding monkeys and partying… that’s an easy sell for the Sip Advisor! Even after I was attacked by monkeys in Indonesia, I still love the little bastards. One can only hope that after feeding them, they will hang around long enough to share a drink with the ol’ Sip Advisor and then we can become true bros complete with swapping e-mail addresses and friendship bracelets.

Oktoberfest – Germany

The Sip Advisor has a decent amount of family living throughout Germany, so this is another festival that could be enjoyed legitimately with little trouble. Every time Mrs. Sip or I are in the country, it’s a boozefest, so why not combine the greatest beer festival known to man in our travels and visitations. At least we honour this tradition at home when we can’t make it to Munich, in person.

Drink #271: Das Boot (A Sip Advisor Original Recipe)

Das Boot Shooter

  • 0.75 oz Jagermeister
  • 0.75 oz Sand Berry Liqueur
  • Garnish with an Orange Slice

I’ve already experienced St. Patrick’s Day in Dublin, so I left that off the list and it’s a good thing too. If I want to hit all of these events, it looks like I’m going to have a pretty busy calendar!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
I had originally wanted to use a Strawberry Liqueur Mrs. Sip and I picked up in Germany for this shot, but when I popped open the bottle, the liquid had solidified. I was able to get some out, but not knowing the status of it, I decided to err on the side of caution and toss the stuff in favour of Sand Berry Liqueur, also found in Germany. My boot shot glass really came in handy for this recipe!

August 18 – Sunday Snuggie

Putrid Products

I love commercials for “As Seen on TV” products. The acting is hokey and the products range from ridiculous to utterly useless. Here are some of the craziest items, past and present, which will require shipping and handling:

Snuggies

I think what bugs me the most about Snuggies is that the commercial makes everyone look like a giant blanket-wrapped dork. While I’m not opposed to blankets, I would never be caught wearing one at tailgating parties, the theatre, sporting events, or anywhere inhabited by people or penguins. What’s next, the pillow hat? You can wear it when you want to take that quick cat nap on the train, at a park, or during those endless office meetings! Hmmm…maybe I’m on to something!?

Zoomies

These binoculars-on-the-go are both practical and the height of modern fashion… said no one ever (throw on a bright blue Snuggie while you’re at it and then you’ll look real bad ass… or like The Tick, whateves). The thing the makers don’t really point out is that Zoomies only let you focus on one particular spot in the distance. The commercial acts as if your entire vision will be enhanced.

Tush Turner

This swivel seat allows you to spin in a chair, thus eliminating even the most simple of torso movements. I’ve seen this product hilariously described as a Lazy Susan for your ass. You know eventually there will be a Guinness World Record for fastest Tush Turner or most Tush Turns in an hour.

Cami Secret

These commercials are classic for the awesome portrayals of they dying art of sexual harassment. I deplore this product, however, because it covers up women’s breasts. Don’t listen ladies, be loud, be proud, and flaunt your assets!

Kush Support

Speaking of sexual harassment, this allows women to maintain their cleavage while sleeping on their side. Brilliant, I say! I have often turned to Mrs. Sip while she is deep in dreamland and thought, ‘Man, I wish she had more cleavage right now.’ For those keeping score, that was a joke!

Booty Pop

While most women are trying to eliminate the junk in their trunk, the Booty Pop will provide all the vroom-vroom anyone could ever want. These butt-enhancers fill a back pocket in a similar vein to stuffing a bra, except it’s your backside. I say put a couple Pizza Pops in there and you have a quick lunch, too!

Better Marriage Blanket

So, the gimmick behind this little gem is that it absorbs the odor of farts so your wife (or maybe it’s the other way around) will never know you’ve been cooking under a Dutch oven all these years. I think the name is totally classic. If flatulence is a major concern for your relationship, then you’re in for a rough ride once kids come along!

Fanny Bank

In complete contrast to the Better Marriage Blanket, this piggy bank rewards you with a ripping fart upon making a deposit. I wonder if the fart gets louder with the more cash you shove into the butt crack opening… scratch that, I don’t ever want to know. Who makes this crap!?

The Backup

I know I’ve always wanted to have a gun rack located not directly beside my bed, not directly behind my bed but actually IN my bed. Luckily now I have been afforded that opportunity with The Backup, a gun rack that slides between your bed’s box spring and mattress. Now I just need a gun for my rack. The fact that a product like this even made it to air, tells us something quite disturbing about society. Even scarier, it’s probably a best seller.

UroClub

This ingenious device allows dudes to hold their real putter whenever they want on a golf course. It comes complete with retractable curtains, so you can relieve yourself in privacy, while your buddies merciless chirp you. There are other portable urinal products, begging the question, when will someone step up and seize the women’s potty-on-the-go market!?

SlobStopper

This giant bib for eating and drinking while driving surely has to be some kind of joke. How many stories are there of people spilling scalding hot coffee on themselves? However, this product won’t stop you from receiving third degree burns. Here’s a suggestion, maybe just don’t eat and drink while on the road.

Pajama Jeans

These pajamas are designed to make it appears as if you’re wearing jeans. Can you imagine actually wearing these out to a lounge or nightclub and impressing ANYONE!? These PJs give a whole new meaning to casual Friday at the office. Now all they need to do is design pajamas that look like dress pants and the corporate world will fall to the slackers!

Drink #230: Sunday Snuggie

Sunday Snuggie Cocktail

  • 2 oz Jagermeister
  • 2 oz Bourbon
  • Top with Sweet & Sour Mix
  • Dash of Grenadine
  • Splash of Cranberry Juice
  • Garnish with a Lime Wheel and a Maraschino Cherry

I’d love to order some of these items, just to see how well they actually work. I bet some of them would just be too ludicrous to own, but at least they might make great gag gifts.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
The drink was pretty potent thanks to the Jagermeister and Bourbon. I used Black Cherry Bourbon to add an interesting twist to the cocktail and the results were as awesome as expected. This was quite the recipe to put together, but totally worth it.

July 6 – Bert and Ernie

All Grown Up

No matter my age, I will always love cartoons. Of course, there is a large selection of animated comedies for an adult audience (The Simpsons, South Park, Family Guy, Archer, among them), but there is also a special cross section of shows meant for children that have subtle adult themes and so can be enjoyed by young and old alike. Here are some of the best:

Fillmore

This is a very clever show that spoofs the 1980’s crime shows and movies like Miami Vice and the Lethal Weapon franchise. Instead of episodes involving drug trafficking, the case may be about tartar sauce smuggling, while stolen cars are replaced by scooter theft. Unfortunately, Fillmore’s crime solving only lasted a couple seasons and now the creator does work for The Walking Dead. Yeah, kids show to zombie apocalypse drama… that seems like a totally obvious creative jump!

Fillmore!

Recess

I watched a lot of Recess during my college years, as it had a nice timeslot around the time I was back home from classes and prepping for the odd nap. The series provided a great reminder of years gone by and the fun enjoyed during elementary school, running around with your buddies and getting up to trouble during recess and lunch breaks. I still get up to trouble on my work lunches, but without any recess, the number of sticky situations I’m involved in has drastically dropped.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

I vowed to never watch any TMNT revival show. I mean, how could it ever compare to the legendary original while I was growing up? As Mrs. Sip and I lazily got ready for a day in Las Vegas (aka as Mrs. Sip refused to get out of bed until her hangover subsided), we stumbled upon a Saturday morning cartoon block and ended up half watching an episode of the newest relaunch series. It actually had a few laughs and earned a second episode opportunity (that or we were being really, um…slothful), which was also enjoyable.

TMNT2012

SpongeBob SquarePants

I’ve only seen a few episodes of this surreal series, but I can see why both kids and adults could appreciate SpongeBob SquarePants together, at significantly different levels. I don’t even think you have to be stoned (if you’re an adult, of course) to enjoy many of the themes and jokes each episode contains.

Looney Tunes

I have always been a fan of Looney Tunes, since I was a little sipper all the way up to being a Sip Advisor. With all the delicious and gratuitous cartoon violence, it’s hard to fathom that these shows have a target audience of young children. The same can be said for Tiny Toon Adventures, Animaniacs, and any other series that involves the Looney Tunes franchise characters.

Looney-tunes-logo

The Muppet Show

Puppets are pretty great and The Muppet Show has provided some of my favourite fabricated-Americans. While Kermit the Frog and the gang lure in the younger audience with slapstick comedy and heartfelt songs, there is also some real zingers flying about, especially when the likes of Statler and Waldorf get their screen time.

Sesame Street

Similar to The Muppet Show, I think the adult appeal with Sesame Street, is all about the characters. Characters we’ve all grown up watching and enjoying. I mean, you have the Cookie Monster and Oscar the Grouch getting laughs with their love of cookies and trash, respectively, and you also have a Big Bird and a Snuffleupagus, whatever the hell that is. Plus Bert and Ernie’s questionable relationship is groundbreaking. Speaking of the duo…

Drink #187: Bert and Ernie (A Sip Advisor Original Recipe)

Bert and Ernie Drink Recipe

  • 0.5 oz Jagermeister
  • 0.5 oz Creme de Banane
  • 0.5 oz Orange Soda
  • Pair with a Rubber Ducky

There have been many search attempts for a Bert and Ernie shot, which have led people to this site. Since that drink doesn’t seem to exist in the liquor world, I decided to create one, so these wonderful people won’t go home unhappy any longer!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
For months I searched for a rubber ducky for this shot and on the day I finally found and bought one, I found one at Ma and Pa Sip’s place. The Creme de Banane is the first thing you smell and taste and probably the most predominant flavour, until the Jager almost seemingly hidden under the surface, hits you and gives the shot that little something extra.

May 9 – Kryptonite

Kryptonite Crunch

The definition of kryptonite (aside from being a very potent strain of marijuana) is something or someone that makes you weak, powerless, and can even kill you. The concept, of course, comes from the Superman franchise, as the Man of Steel is practically invincible, unless he comes into contact with kryptonite from his home planet of Krypton. Wow, I really nerded out there… and I don’t even like Superman in any way, shape, or form. Here is a shortlist of my kryptonites:

Non-Alcoholic Beer/Mocktails

This would probably kill me. I just don’t get the concept, especially in the case of beer. While some mocktails might still be palatable because of the drink’s ingredients, beer is an acquired taste, so why would you waste your time with the non-alcoholic variety? None of the really good tasting beer flavours are made in the 0.5% form, only plain, ordinary and non-delicious beer types.

mocktail

Safety Drills

I’m pretty sure these will inevitably kill me. While I understand the logic behind these instructional processes, all they do for me is to encourage me to misbehave and to engage in risky actions. I’m a curious person (also naughty by nature) and when I’m told what will happen in the case of an emergency, I want to test these theories and hypotheses. It doesn’t matter whether it’s aboard an airplane or cruise ship, the term “this is not a drill” will likely be heard.

Streamers and Confetti

One of my biggest weaknesses. When streamers and confetti are shot through the air, I’m like a cat chasing a string. I’m completely mesmerized and fixated on the falling debris. I want to catch it all with my paws… er, hands… and put them in my mouth. Seriously, if I had my very own confetti gun, I’d be the happiest and laziest person in the known world. Either that, or like Eddie Murphy, I just want to party all the time!

Fresh-Baked Cookies

There’s just something about the scent of fresh-baked cookies that make me powerless. I don’t even need milk to become a ravenous zombie. I’m not picky, either. They can be chocolate chip, peanut butter, even oatmeal raisins… they all drive me crazy. Until I can get a couple dozen into my stomach I will not be able to think about anything else… not that there’s anything important going on upstairs, anyway.

cookie kitty

Forced Reading

Another thing that would surely kill me. In my opinion, all reading is forced, but what I’m really talking about is when you have no other choice but to do some hardcore reviewing: contracts, textbooks, etc. When you’re the type of person who doesn’t read by choice, it’s even harder when the task arises and you’re rushed to do so. This is why I’m letting Mrs. Sip head up the education of any of our future little sippers.

Hyphenated Surnames

I’m pretty sure hyphenated surnames will eventually lead to the downfall of mankind (kryptonite of the masses). Before our wedding, Mrs. Sip and I had to discuss whether she was going to take my name or not. That’s when I discovered how much I don’t like hyphenated names, never giving it much thought before. Just imagine how long people’s last names will grow to be if two folks with hyphenated last names end up marrying and hyphenate their already hyphenated monikers. You’ll have a four-name long last name and it could snowball from there with later generations jumping to eight and 16 last names.

Drink #129: Kryptonite

Kryptonite Drink

  • Rim glass with Lime Powder
  • 0.5 oz Rum
  • 0.5 oz Tequila
  • 0.5 oz Goldschlager
  • 0.5 oz Jagermeister
  • Top with Lemon-Lime Kool-Aid

What is your kryptonite? What takes a member of Sip Nation and drives them to acts of stupidity, which they can’t even control. I’m very curious about this subject, partly because I don’t want to be the only person who has no willpower and partly because if I know everyone’s weakness, I can rule the world!

Sip Advisor’s Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
It was a bit of a flashback for me to be using Kool-Aid. One of the very first drinks I ever invented when I was younger and not boozing it up was mixing Kool-Aid and Cola, which I dubbed Kontaminated Kool-Aid. See, I always had mad mixology skills! I like today’s drink quite a bit. It’s probably my favourite Goldschlager cocktail to date and you get varying tastes of it and the Jagermeister. The green Kool-Aid is an interesting touch compared to other mixers with similar effects.

April 27 – London Fog

Ice Ice Baby

Perfect for Halloween and all other non-denominational holidays, a recent fad in the mixology world has been to use dry ice or liquid nitrogen in cocktails, giving the presentation a special effect as a smoky fog rolls off of the drink.

Molecular Mixology

But there are dangers to the process, as well. An 18-year-old girl in the United Kingdom, celebrating her birthday, had her stomach removed after drinking a liquid nitrogen-Jagermeister recipe. That would be awful. You finally become legal and you’re out on the town for a wild night, but you can’t even get past your first drink… talk about a lightweight!

Also, you’d figure this chick’s stomach lining would be stronger given the diet of bangers and mash she certainly grew up eating. Jagermeister strikes again! So many years after the World Wars and Germany still wants revenge against the British.

Back to the issue at hand, these substances can cause cold burns to the mouth, throat and stomach, if ingested. Once it hits the stomach, it can warm rapidly, releasing air and other gases that can cause the stomach to burst… now that would be one epic fart.

Epic cat fart

This poor girl had to have a total gastrectomy (their words, not mine), which will certainly become all the rage for women, when it’s revealed that this process forcibly causes people to eat less, never feel hungry, and without a stomach, they won’t get big bellies.

If you are ever to order one of these “frozen” cocktails, you are advised to make sure the dry ice or liquid nitrogen has completely dissipated before taking a sip. That’s the issue here. This young girl was so fired up to get some booze into her system (aren’t we all!) that she couldn’t wait. Remember this little ditty I wrote to stay safe: If there’s steam, you’ll scream… if it’s clean, time to get smashed (I just didn’t feel like making it all rhyme… it’s more memorable that way!).

I have now tried a nitrogen cocktail, with Mrs. Sip at Hyde Lounge in Las Vegas. While they made the drink right in front of you with a travelling mixing bowl, it wasn’t served until the nitrogen had completely evaporated. The result was a frozen, blended recipe that tasted great as it slowly melted into a drinkable consistency.

I will discuss Molecular Mixology more in future blog posts. For the time being, like our stomachless friend from the UK, I simply can’t wait to get my drink on…

Drink #117: London Fog

London Fog Shot

  • 0.75 oz Absinthe (I used Mata Hari)
  • 0.75 oz Gin
  • Garnish with a Lemon Wedge

While some dry ice would have been really cool for this shot, I don’t feel like dabbling in the dark arts. I wonder if they ever investigated whether Voldemort was involved in some of these liquid nitrogen incidents? I’m on to you, thou who shall not be named…

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
Holy hell this shot tastes like poison. I’m sure that was always the intention, as some shots are merely meant as punishment, but still, I had hoped something would come along and save this blend. Shots are harder to rate than cocktails because of this reputation. You can’t merely score the drink on taste and presentation. People do shots to get drunk… this will certainly get the job done!

March 30 – Vegas Blowjob

Entertain Me

Well, today we celebrate The Sip Legacy’s (that would be Mrs. Sip and I as a conglomerate) 11-year dating anniversary and it is purely coincidence that this shot was chosen for this momentous occasion. You think she’ll get the hint, fellas? *wink, wink*

This is the second year in a row that we’ve celebrated with a trip to Las Vegas. We love Sin City and we’re not even gamblers. I actually can’t remember the last time I put any money on the line during a stay here. Sure, it’s happened and I had one moderately successful night with video poker, but our main intention when coming to the city is to eat, drink, and be merry. To fulfill the merry portion of that mantra, we love going to shows along the strip. Here are some of our favourites:

Penn & Teller – Rio

These guys do it all, combining magic, comedy, drama, the whole shebang. When we attended this show, Mrs. Sip was wearing a low cut halter top and when the guys were looking for a volunteer for their knife act, I knew they’d pick her (despite her laughable efforts to look anywhere but at the guys). Sure enough they did and because of her participation we were able to get a front-of-the-line chance to meet with Penn and Teller after the show. Teller even spoke, which blew my mind, thanking Mrs. Sip and saying she did a great job!

Penn & Teller

Cirque du Soleil: Ka – MGM Grand

We are huge fans of the Cirque du Soleil shows in Vegas, as well as the ones that tour around the world. This martial arts-themed extravaganza, with its giant, rotating and moving stage, was completely mesmerizing particularly the climax of the show, where performers were running on giant spinning wheels and pulling off different tricks.

Cirque du Soleil: Love – Mirage

Keeping with the Cirque theme, what do you get when you take the amazing circus acts the troupe is known for and set the entire spectacle to the remarkable Beatles music catalogue? You have a surefire hit, that’s what. The soundtrack to this show is amazing, as are most Cirque soundtracks, but the reworking, mash-ups and brilliant original work of the group is particularly memorable.

Cirque Love

Cirque du Soleil: O – Belagio

Let’s discuss one more Cirque show while we’re at it. I’m a born swimmer and I love seeing high dives and crazy feats performed in water. The Cirque folk put a lot of work into their stage design and it pays off for this performance, as the stage can turn into a pool in no time, allowing for the performers to go from dancers to divers seamlessly.

Carrot Top – Luxor

I love Carrot Top’s energy and his frantic style. At the show we attended, he even passed out shots of Crown Royal to some lucky audience members, which made me respect the guy even more. Unfortunately he couldn’t hear a drunk Sip Advisor yelling, “I’m from Canada… I love Crown!” He even made a good impression on Mrs. Sip, who was hesitant at first to make this our show for the trip.

Carrot Top

There are other shows I would recommend, including Lion King (Mandalay Bay), and Jersey Boys (Planet Hollywood, although we saw it on tour in Vancouver). If they still were being performed on the strip, I’d also endorse Cirque du Soleil: Viva Elvis (Aria) and comedian Frank Caliendo (Monte Carlo).

After numerous trips to the city together, there’s still so much more we would like to see: Cirque du Soleil: Zumanity at New York, New York, Louie Anderson at The Excalibur, The Blue Man Group at Monte Carlo, and the list continues to grow with each visit.

Drink #89: Vegas Blowjob

Vegas Blowjob Shooter

  • 0.3 oz Banana Liqueur
  • 0.3 oz Spiced Rum
  • 0.3 oz Jagermeister
  • 0.3 oz Orange Juice
  • 0.3 oz Pineapple Juice
  • Garnish with a Condom

Here at Sip Adivsor Headquarters, we endorse safe sex. Just make sure you don’t accidentally ingest the rubber!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
Where to begin with this shot! We added the condom garnish for a little humour, but I think it really completed the drink’s appearance. Plus, it was banana-flavoured, so it actually added a little essence to the shooter.