Today is Earth Day, so I thought we could brainstorm some ways to make this world a better place. You can follow my awesome example of mass recycling. The more you drink, the more you’re able to recycle and the wheel (or that silly little triangle logo they use: reduce, reuse, recycle) goes round and round. Remember, Earth: It’s the only one we got!
I am a staunch supporter of the cities that have assembled their homeless force (I would have called them workforce, but that seems a little oxymoronic) to wheel their carts around, plucking stray bottles and cans from garbage receptacles. This must continue, but we should groom them and give them rad uniforms and shopping buggies, so that people respect them and don’t just fear the deranged man chasing them down for their freshly purchased pop.
Countries should continue to phase out their monetary denominations, thus saving on raw materials like copper, alloy, nickel and paper for bills. Yes, plastic resource use would go up with the increase of debit and credit cards, but there’s tons of that stuff around, so who cares.
Acid rain should be encouraged as a device to cleanse the world of harmful deposits. Cleanliness is godliness and god is empty, just like me and The Smashing Pumpkins.
Not to mention, if Indiana Jones has taught us anything, it works pretty well on Nazis too!
Perhaps there is some way to harness the power of farts and turn them into energy. I remember hearing once that cow dung was being looked into for this, as on its own it is quite harmful to the atmosphere. I personally know a few blokes that would make a killing if this technology was ever developed and people could earn a living from their gas.
One thing that must change is that it’s more expensive to buy many recycled products compared to their brand-spanking-new counterparts. If I can get something new, for half the price as the recycled option, I think we all know which one the Sip Advisor is going to choose. Heck, it leaves me with more money for liquor.
Here’s a toast in honour of Earth, a gal who takes so much crap from us humans and only sends floods, earthquakes, tsunamis, hurricanes, and tornados our way as an even up. You’re a sweet lady and we love you!
Sip Advisor’s Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5): This drink smells just like a creamsicle… and guess what? It tastes a lot like one too! The Apricot Brandy and Cointreau make it a sweeter drink, but it’s nicely balanced by the gin. Drinkers beware, with the amount of alcohol in it this cocktail goes down a bit too easy. Some recipes may differ, but I fully trust the accuracy of Wikipedia.
Throughout this 365 drink-per-day challenge, I’ve tried to avoid recipes that are simply [insert alcohol] and [insert mixer]. It pisses me off when liquor companies run ads promoting recipes for their drinks and they’re so basic. I get it; you don’t have time to list a never ending set of ingredients, but at least give me something a little more substantial. That all said, you simply can’t have Gin Week without making a good ol’ fashioned Gin & Tonic!
Now here are some facts about gin that will surely have you salivating for a cocktail:
The libation was actually created in Holland, not England, where it is often associated thanks to all of the London Dry Gin companies (Beefeater, Gordon’s, Plymouth, etc.). In fact, gin’s name comes from the Dutch word for juniper, jenever. Juniper is a key ingredient in gin production and gives it that pine needle taste.
Gin is meant to be mixed with other ingredients, which help the spirit come to life. I remember shooting gin when I was a lot younger and while it would get you drunk, it was not the tastiest of liquors.
The alcohol was once public enemy #1, as in its earlier years it was often a poisonous blend of ingredients made by cheap distillers. Many poor Londoners died from drinking gin and the death rate was higher than the birth rate in the slums of the city. And we all thought Jack the Ripper was evil.
Keeping gin consistently badass, it was a very popular liquor during Prohibition because it could be manufactured anywhere, like in a bathtub, and didn’t have to be stored or aged in barrels. I bet Ernie and his rubber ducky wouldn’t mind having a soak in a Gin-filled tub… at least I wouldn’t mind. I happen to think I would have done well during the Prohibition Era, whether as a gin joint operator, bootlegger, distiller, etc. Just give me one of those wicked tommy guns and let’s rock!
The Philippines is the world’s largest consumer of gin. The gin & tonic drink is popular in tropical regions because gin was traditionally used to mask the taste of quinine, which happens to be the cure for malaria and is now also the key ingredient in tonic water (get it? hence the name tonic water). Unfortunately, the amount of quinine in tonic water today is so minimal, you would have to drink about 67 G&Ts per day to get enough of the tonic in order to actually prevent malaria.
Gin used to be the main ingredient in many popular cocktails, such as the martini, but thanks to Smirnoff Vodka’s very successful ad campaign “Vodka leaves you breathless”, vodka has often been substituted for gin. Further cocktails have also seen gin removed in favour of other spirits.
Finally, there is some controversy over the garnishing of gin-based drinks, particularly today’s recipe. While most mixologists insist that a lime be used to accentuate a G&T, in some places, such as the United Kingdom, lemon wedges are sometimes substituted. Some experts have attacked this substitution, calling it an “uncultured alternative”. Poor little lemons… what did they ever do to earn so much ire? (except give people canker sores).
So, even with a very basic recipe, I found a way to spice it up a little with some muddled lime. I always forget how much I dislike Tonic Water until I make a G&T and then it all comes back to me. Once again, I have sacrificed myself for the good of all Sip Nation!
Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
This is a solid drink, but I’ve never been a huge fan of tonic water. What helped make the concoction a little more palatable was muddling the lime wedges and leaving them in the drink to counteract against the beyond bitter tonic.
Mary Jane isn’t my relaxant of choice – hell, she’s not even my favoruite Spider-Man girlfriend – but I don’t frown upon those who love their weed. And since it’s 4/20, a holy day for reefer connoisseurs, I thought we should take a look at the most prolific stoners as boozers and smokers unite to enjoy this shot:
Cheech & Chong – Numerous movies and albums
These two famous overachieving potheads took their stand-up comedy routine and turned it into numerous movies and albums, working together off and on for over 30 years. They are responsible for a number of famous catchphrases, most notably “Dave’s not here, man.” Not only do these two play fictional stoners, but one of them also plays the role in real life. Tommy Chong was sent to prison in October 2003 for selling bongs and other paraphernalia over the internet. This incarceration occurred while he was a cast member of That 70’s Show, playing, you guessed it: a hippie burnout named Leo Chingwake.
Dale Denton & Saul Silver – Pineapple Express
First off, let me say that the pants James Franco wears for the duration of this film are, quite possibly, the greatest wardrobe choice in the history of film. If someone were to ever bequeath these to me, I would honour them with their own special holiday. Dale (Seth Rogen) and Saul (Franco) get stuck in a hilarious set of circumstances thanks to their enjoyment of Pineapple Express, an extremely potent brand of marijuana. Their dealer, Red, (Danny McBride) also joins in on the fun and the three have to triumph over a oppressive drug kingpin.
Jeff Spicoli – Fast Times at Ridgemont High
It’s so hard to believe that this character was played by Sean Penn, given all the serious roles Penn has since gone on to play. Spicoli, a laid back, pot smoking, surfer dude, became so popular that he’s featured on the cover of the movie, despite being a tertiary character. One of the subplots of the movie is teacher Mr. Hand trying to get the best he can out of Spicoli. When Mr. Hand thinks he’s achieved results, he releases Spicoli but eventually comes to the conclusion that everyone at the school is “on dope”. Spicoli meanwhile goes on to save a drowning Brooke Shields, but wastes the reward money hiring Van Halen to perform at his birthday party… sounds about right.
The Gang – That 70’s Show
One of the most enjoyable running gags on That 70’s Show was ‘The Circle’, where any number of the group’s members – Eric, Hyde, Kelso, Fez, Donna, Jackie and any number of their friends – would wax philosophically after enjoying some marijuana, as the camera rotated around the table. Some of the shows funniest lines came out of these scenes. One memorable segment included the kids’ parents sitting in the circle, high from “special” brownies and mimicking their children’s actions.
Harold & Kumar – Go to White Castle, Escape from Guantanamo Bay and A Very 3D Christmas
While not the biggest stoners per se, these two gentlemen enjoy their weed. Their zany adventures to White Castle, from Guantanamo Bay and attempting to save Christmas were often fuelled by the drug in some way. A highlight of all the movies is the performance of Neil Patrick Harris (playing himself), which practically revived his career. In the films, NPH is an even bigger drug user than Rolly and Kumar, who can definitely hold their own.
Norville “Shaggy” Rogers – Scooby-Doo
Although the show never quite comes out and says it, let’s look at the evidence: 1) Shaggy’s constantly searching for munchies 2) his attention span is minimal at best 3) his nerves are always shot and he appears strung out 4) he has conversations and hangs out with a dog… conclusion: Shaggy is your typical pothead. Still, Shaggy is one of the most beloved characters in the history of media, especially when paired with his pal Scooby. The two have teamed together for countless adventures, highlighted by my personal favourite, Scooby-Doo Meets the Boo Brothers.
Thurgood Jenkins et al – Half Baked
While Dave Chappelle himself was disappointed with how the movie turned out – he wrote the script and starred, but said the movie was dumbed down from being adult-oriented to more of a kids movie – there are still a number of funny moments in this film. Some favourites are when Thurgood describes the different types of pot users, particularly the Scavenger Smoker (Snoop Dogg), who comes into the scene at the first sniff of marijuana and proceeds to smoke the guy’s entire joint before moving on. The scene where Scarface quits his job at the fast food restaurant is also a highlight.
Jay & Silent Bob – Almost every movie by Kevin Smith
It’s hard not to notice that stoners in films often come in pairs or trios (whereas alcoholics are always portrayed as miserable loners, hmmm…). Jay and Silent Bob seem to always pop up in Kevin Smith’s View Askewniverse, and why not? Silent Bob is played by Smith. The duo’s notorious appearances in movies they weren’t the star in led to their own title adventure where they’re on a mission to shut down a movie based on their personas. The pair offer a great lesson too: if you have one loud mouth who never shuts up, then his buddy better be silent to help restore the balance.
As we down this shooter, I wish all my pothead brethren a very happy 4/20… enjoy your day!
Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5): This shot was sweet, but not overly so. It goes down nice and easy, but isn’t very exciting. Despite all the ingredients it’s relatively effortless to make. It’s not like you have to do layering or anything. Give it a shot (literally!) and see what you think.
Like Bilbo Baggins running out of his hut and through the shire, I yell, “I’m going on an adventure!”
The difference is, while Bilbo traversed much of Middle Earth and had to contend with orcs, dwarves, elves and other wacky creatures (not to mention singing), all I had to do was walk out dejectedly from a handful of American Walmart stores (although the front door greeters can often resemble Gollem) and set off to the next possible home of the magical elixir I was questing.
These are certainly not the greeters I’m accustomed to…
As much as I like drinks featuring the blue raspberry flavour, my absolute favourite taste is watermelon. I’m a fiend for the fruit, almost eating the rind to get every last morsel of watermelon goodness.
When I first heard of the existence of Watermelon Pucker, I knew that I would one day have to own the nectar, and have since always made a point of checking liquor and other grocery stores hoping to stumble upon my sought after treasure.
Repeatedly, it was not meant to be. The closest I could find in my home province of B.C. was Bols Melon Liqueur. Recently, I’ve also tracked down Midori, but neither of these is really meant to highlight the essence of watermelon.
Imagine my surprise when Mrs. Sip and I stopped into a store at the Flamingo Hotel in Las Vegas last month and I found the beautiful concoction. As I always do, I headed straight for the liquor display (knocking down fellow customers in my wake) and started checking out the bottles available. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I caught the word “Pucker” on one of the mickeys.
It was only an offering of the cherry-flavoured Pucker, but I felt as if Las Vegas’ lady luck was smiling upon me that day. Behind the cherry bottle were two other Pucker varieties. I threw them off the display, causing the poor store attendant to summon security. And there it was… the last of the three options was my Watermelon Pucker.
Sweet baby Jesus, my long wait and hard effort had paid off. I never lost sight of the light at the end of the tunnel and for that, I was rewarded.
As we paid, I kept the bottle tightly pressed to my chest, stroking its smoothness and muttering “my precious.” It finally dawned on me that we were in an erotica store, complete with books on beginner BDSM and other naughty mementos.
Today, I share with you the sweet potion I rescued from an eternity without me. Just don’t let it go to your head!
Sip Adivsor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5): A sweet and sour drink, I enjoyed it despite the fact that it was not a very boozy drink (the Watermelon Pucker is only 15%). The drink tasted similar to a watermelon Jolly Rancher candy, so can’t complain!
I’ve never been a big car nut. Hell, the instant someone starts talking to me about engines, makes and models, or brake pads in need of replacement… well, that’s when the ol’ mind drifts more than a suped-up Tokyo racer. That said, there are a number of vehicles I wouldn’t mind taking a spin in. Drivers, start your engines!
Mystery Machine – Scooby-Doo
Granted, today it looks more like a van where either smokeouts or rapes would occur, but the Mystery Machine is a pretty fine vehicle. I could join the entire gang as we traipse across the world and solve mysteries, getting paid with food and lodging. I would certainly rival Freddy for best ascot and perhaps Shaggy and Scooby could teach me how to stuff an entire 40-layer sandwich into my mouth in one gulp.
Pope-mobile
My only wish for riding in the Pope-mobile is that someone would make an assassination attempt on my life and then I could laugh at them through the bulletproof glass. Why someone would have a beef with The Sip Advisor will forever be an unsolved mystery. Perhaps they are a time traveler from the Prohibition Era and they realize I am the reason the whole concept never worked out. Bring it on, you anti-alcoholite.
Batmobile – Batman
I don’t know what would be more exciting: riding in the Batmobile with Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson, or getting access to the super-secret Batcave. If those bastards blindfold me before taking me there (and it’s not for anything kinky), I will be super pissed. The second we spot that bat signal, we roll and I only pray that the villain for our selected adventure is one of the hotties, like Catwoman, Poison Ivy or Harley Quinn!
General Lee – Dukes of Hazzard
Really the only thing anyone wants to do in the General Lee is slide through the open window into a seat and go off some crazy dirt road jump. Aside from that, who would ever want to live in Hazzard County with the nefarious Boss Hogg and his lackey Rosco P. Coltrane? Unless you’re looking to settle down with Daisy Duke and get her out of those cutoffs, then it’s just not worth the hassle.
DeLorean – Back to the Future
Doc Brown, Marty McFly, and I would have made an amazing trio, revving up to 88 miles per hour and seeing where the DeLorean takes us for our next adventure. It would be a foregone conclusion that I would somehow find a way to make myself never born. I feel that would make me invisible and that way I could go around and spy on Mrs. Sip undetected. I could then perform hilarious antics like hide her contact solution and eat her freshly-baked cookies.
K.I.T.T. – Knight Rider
I’ve been on too many late night, lonely drives to count and it would have been nice on these journeys to have someone – or more aptly something – to converse with. A talking car is just the beginning of what K.I.T.T. (Knight Industries Three Thousand) has to offer drivers. All those fun buttons to push would keep me entertained four hours, like a never-ending sheet of bubble wrap. Plus you get to hang out with David Hasselhoff… not too shabby!
Ecto-1 – Ghostbusters
Imagine hauling ass, in the Ecto-1, to the site of a ghostly disturbance with your proton packs charged at the ready and the thrill of being a member of the Ghostbusters team. Yeah, The Sip Advisor, Egon, Ray, Peter and Winston… has a nice ring to it, don’t you think!? I wonder if Slimer is as cool behind the scenes as he seems in front of the camera. I ain’t fraid of no ghost!
A-Team Van – The A-Team
Riding shotgun with B.A. Barracus and the gang, in the A-Team van, would be pretty sweet. I don’t think I’d bring much to the A-Team, but perhaps I could be their manager or something – setting up an A-Team website and organizing their bookings – letting Hannibal concentrate on strategy for taking down the bad guys.
Ferrari – Magnum P.I.
I’m an associate of Robin Masters, much like my boy Thomas Magnum. As an acquaintance, I have been given access to all of Mr. Masters’ toys, including the Ferrari. Together, Magnum and I would work the Hawaiian Islands, helping those who have found themselves in trouble and landing countless babes with our wild moustaches and overgrown chest hair.
My only requirement with all of these vehicles is that their respective theme songs be pumping on a continuous loop whenever we go for an outing. What track would be blasted in the Pope-mobile? Well, Hell’s Bells by AC/DC, of course!
Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
A very tasty drink indeed! Perfect for dessert, the Milk-based cocktail is delicious and the Kit Kat Stir Stick was the much-needed final touch to take the cocktail up a few notches.
Today I’m going to talk about the more, how do you say, “sensual” side of the Sip Adivsor (akin to what Zumanity is to a regular Cirque du Soleil show). Despite what critics may say, I am a normal, red-blooded, male and as such, I am prone to being turned on by women wearing sexy outfits. Here are some of the get-ups that get this Sip Advisor up!
Business Woman
Now this may have something to do with Mrs. Sip’s chosen profession, but I love me a powerful woman. One who can take charge and exemplify that air of swagger. Perhaps the best thing business wear offers is the idea of corruption… turning a hardworking, dedicated-to-her-profession lady into your possession. Sounds pretty good, huh!?
Why waste time with the stock market when you have other, more delicate matters, to attend to!?
Super Heroine
There are some sexy female super heroes (and villains) out there. Whether it’s Batgirl or Catwoman, Rogue or Mystique, DC or Marvel, it really doesn’t matter. Put them into a costume and tell them their greatest superpower is they can take care of all of your needs. Then let the fun commence!
Schoolgirl
This seems to work for almost all fellas out there and on any given Halloween, you’re bound to see a ton of girls out there dressed up like they’re en route to attending class. It’s gotta have something to do with the short plaid skirts and tight white tops. This is why I refuse to send my kids to private school in the future!
Christmas
Christmas is one of my favourite times of the year. Giving and getting presents is awesome. Spending quality time with loved ones is special. Seeing ladies in sexy Christmas-themed lingerie might as well be the icing on the eggnog. And don’t you dare forget the jingle bells!
Which one do you unwrap first!?
Sex Kitten
It’s simple, but effective: tights, ears, tail, whiskers… not much to the whole look aside from that. Other animal costumes work too. During Easter, you can go bunny style (cotton tail on the tush!… something that we saw the bikini version of around the pool in Vegas recently!) and show rabbits how it’s really done. Well, I guess not all animals work. I don’t even know how you’d pull off a giraffe.
Naked
Of course, if all else fails, I’ve never been opposed to a little skin… or a lot!
Well ladies? How about you? What looks do you like your guy to pull off? Let me know… all’s fair after all!
Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
This was my first opportunity to use our recently purchased Kinky Liqueur and while I see potential in the libation, I still can’t give top marks to any Bubbly cocktail. We shall march on!
I’ve never been to jail… but I’m willing to bet that it would be fun. If TV and movies have taught me anything (they haven’t), it’s that I’d be able to keep quite active by joining football, basketball, and baseball teams to compete against the guards. When you factor in running from scary inmates – a form of dodge ball – and all the weight lifting I could do, I’m pretty sure that I would be in the best shape of my life! There’s also the lifelong (til death penalty do us part) friendships I would make. So based on my vast television watching experience and the one time I had a run in with “the fuzz”, which almost resulted in a speeding ticket, here are my tips for surviving the slammer:
1) Getting acquainted with your bunk mate
You’re new to the place and really have no right to claim top bunk. If the dude you’re stuck with has already claimed that spot, guess what… you’re bottoms, boieeeee! Better get comfortable, brotha, you might be there a while.
2) Picking a gang
While you could try to fly solo in the clink, it’s probably best that you align yourself with similar-minded people. If the Mighty Ducks movies have taught us anything, it’s prudent of you to go into a flying-V formation, while shouting “quack, quack, quack”. Not only will that show other gangs that you are a united front, but also that your clique has some serious mental instability and is not to be messed with.
3) Making a shiv/shank
No matter how protected you might be thanks to the crew that has adopted you, having a readymade weapon in case of any brouhaha would be quite beneficial. My suggestion is to try and fashion some sort of makeshift gun. Your fellow prisoners will never know what hit them!
4) Earning a reputation
You don’t have to be the tough guy in your cell block, but if you bring something unique to the table, you might be able to slip under the radar for your extended stay. Morgan Freeman (The Shawshank Redemption) was known as the guy who could procure things… Clint Eastwood (Escape from Alcatraz) had only one passion: to escape from prison… Burt Reynolds (The Longest Yard) liked playing football… and Sean Penn (Dead Man Walking) had a thing for lethal injections.
5) Getting drunk
You will miss things you once knew and loved in the outside world. But just because you’re locked up doesn’t mean you can’t have some of those things, even if it is at a lower-graded experience. I have a wonderful recipe for toilet wine. If you’d like the details, please send your credit information to me. See, this is how I got into trouble in the first place.
6) Finding God
I heard that this often happens in jails, which could be good if, like me, you haven’t managed (or gotten around to) finding him, her, or it “on the outside”. And who knows, you may even manage to turn your whole spiritual discovery into a profit, just like George Bluth did with his infomercial promoting his video series “Caged Wisdom”.
If all else fails, the consumption of toilet wine often leads to self-discovery of prayer to the porcelain god as you return your elixir to where it once came from…
Now let’s enjoy something much better than toilet wine!
Garnish with an Orange Slice and a Maraschino Cherry
Really, if I was sent to prison, I’d probably just do a ton of napping. I’d probably be known as the ‘cat guy’… that is until someone tried to chase my tail and got scratched for doing so!
Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
It had been a couple years since my last Alabama Slammer and I was quickly reminded of how enjoyable this drink is. I’ve seen other versions of this recipe, but this is the one I was able to pull off with the ingredients I had. Sloe Gin would have been a nice touch, but it just can’t be found in Canada.
Recently, your faithful Sip Advisor contracted a flu which knocked me for a loop and caused me to miss my very first days of work due to illness. During my three-day sabbatical, I worked diligently to document my ordeal and I hope to share those notes with you, my little sippers, today. Don’t worry, all the gross stuff has been removed unless you find under-garnished hamburgers as disgusting as I do!
The first day I wasn’t feeling well I still dragged my butt to work and even played soccer, part of a rotating sports league I’m a member of. For some reason, I’ve always played well when ill. While this wasn’t the seven goals I sniped a few weeks back in ice hockey while playing with a cold, it was a half decent performance. Afterwards is when I really started feeling grungy, though.
The next morning I woke up and decided to pull the plug on my iron-man streak. I grabbed a spot in front of the TV and searched for some suitable entertainment… quickly learning that there’s not much out there.
When I myself was just a little sipper and was home from school sick, The Price is Right was a favourite viewing pleasure of mine. Bob Barker and his crusade to get your pets spayed and neutered was something all viewers could get behind… plus Plinko was pretty awesome!
The first thing I noticed when watching the show last week is that it now employs a male prize model. The strapping young man is hard not to notice among the horde of attractive women. I wonder if Bob Barker’s sexual harassment allegations would have been any different with less of Barker’s Beauties around. Rod Roddy, on the other hand, would have certainly found himself in hot water with all the males running about.
The funniest thing is seeing male contestants win a prize and go to hug all the ladies, only to double clutch when approaching the guy and go for the ol’ handshake-hug-reacharound.
My TV viewing pleasures didn’t stop there as I tuned into the Maury Show for some paternity results. Not the best idea to try and catch a nap while moms are screaming about babies having the same eyebrows as prospective daddies and these fine gents are denying they’re fathers with more passion than they’ve ever put into, well… anything!
One case in particular caught my attention as a guy, who was denying his daughter, kept bringing up that he had bought his girlfriend a $900 engagement ring. It was mentioned like 10 times, no exaggeration. Did he follow up the proposal by treating her a two-can-dine for $9.99 meal at Mickie D’s!?
Later on during my sickness, I had a massive craving for salt and grease. In my mind, I knew that a quick jaunt to McDonalds was the only way to appease these desires. Without Mrs. Sip around to take care of me and explain to me that McDonalds is not recovery food – she was off gallivanting around town, selling my secret recipes to unscrupulous barkeeps… or so my delirious mind told me – I had to venture out into the rain, umbrella-less and forage for food. While at the restaurant, and figuring I didn’t want to make the brief trip again, should the urge arise a second time, I ordered four hamburgers.
Sadly, I was only able to stomach one (and that was a challenge… damn, I hate it when Mrs. Sip is right!) before throwing the other three in the fridge for a later date with destiny. Those other meals were massive disappointments, with two of the three sandwiches only containing one pickle… and tiny slices at that. This has been a longstanding issue between myself and Ronald McDonalds’ peeps. I’ve complained before, something I’m rarely charged enough to do, but the results of my pleas have not been satisfactory.
Lastly, I largely stayed away from alcoholic bevvies during my recovery, save for my work on this site. However, I felt best – and this could be a disturbing sign – after I had a couple of drinks nearly a week after I was first sick. Alcohol: it cures what ails you!
My final observation of the week is that being sick absolutely sucks. You think it won’t be so bad being away from work and lazing around, but it’s horribly lonely, boring and tedious. At least I had sweet lady liquor and this little gem to keep me company!
Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
An impromptu drink to “celebrate” my recent illness, this was quite tasty, although totally messy… not that there’s anything wrong with that! The whip cream runneth over the glass, but it is forgiven because of how well it mixed with the hot chocolate based concoction on the inside of the glass. I never mind getting a little sticky for the sake of discovery!
There is only one man I trust to steer any ship I’m aboard… that’s my man, Captain Aaron! These are some other options I’d consider, even if most of them are nowhere near remotely real:
Captain Morgan
How could any Sip Advisor list in which an alcohol icon was a possible candidate, not lead off with said subject? Naturally, it can’t be any other way. While I’m more of a Sailor Jerry’s fan in the spiced rum category, Captain Morgan isn’t too shabby an alternative and I love the company’s ad campaigns.
Sweet Jesus, the Cap`n sure gets a lot of sweet tail!
Captain Jack Sparrow
Yo ho, yo ho, a pirates life for me! Captain Jack Sparrow is a pretty resourceful guy. He can pretty much get himself out of any sticky situation, is pretty good at hunting long, lost treasure and is not too shabby with the ladies. More importantly, he’s a fan of the bottle and knows where to find hidden stashes of rum on deserted islands.
Captain Crunch
While Cap’n Crunch was far from my favourite cereal growing up, it was on the list of acceptable breakfast options I provided to Mama Sip as a youngster. Like any high profile athlete, my agent and I devised a list of demands that had to be met and cereal selection was chief among them.
Captain Kirk
Captain’s log, stardate 1077.69: I’ve never really been a science fiction nut, but I do have to give some respect to all the Trekkies out there, who show us what being passionate about something really should entail. Captain Kirk never has to buy a drink for himself as long as a geek is close by.
Captain America
While I’m more of a Tony Stark/Iron Man fan, Captain America is a strong leader, who I would be happy to follow into battle. Can you imagine a Canadian version of Captain America, who is light on crime and tries to help bad guys reform rather than punish them? Silly Captain Canada…
Captain Hook
I personally wouldn’t mind seeing Captain Hook get his hands on… oops! sorry, sensitive subject, I know, let me rephrase… get his hand and hook on Peter Pan. Maybe Hook can throw the little brat to the crocodile that’s always hounding him and use the time while the lizard is chowing down on some Pan to get some distance between himself and his pursuer.
Captain McCallister
You might be wondering who this captain even is. Well, I have one word for you: Yarrrrr! Okay, I know all pirates are known to say this, so I’ll just give you the answer. It’s the resident Sea Captain from The Simpsons. Often seen with a corncob pipe and tapping his glass eye, Captain McCallister is not only delightfully incompetent, but gets bonus points for being created by comedian, writer, and late show host Conan O’Brien.
Captain Stubing
While Mrs. Sip and I were on our honeymoon cruise, we were able to watch a few episodes of The Love Boat and quickly fell in love with how laugh-track cheesy the show is. Captain Stubing played a large role in our fondness for the sitcom as he tried to control his band of misfit employees.
Drink #104: Captain Aaron (A Sip Advisor Original Recipe)
Garnish with a Captain’s Hat (If you happen to have one just lying around!)
In the interest of full disclosure, while this is an original recipe, it has been borrowed from the man, the myth, the legend, Captain Aaron himself. Happy birthday, buddy!
Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4.5 Sips out of 5):
The Cap’n and I love using Ginger Ale as a mixer and I really enjoyed his touch of adding Lemonade to the blend. The Spiced Rum works well with both ingredients, so the whole group comes together quite nicely.
With summer rapidly approaching, we’re nearing fair season so it’s time to sit down and plan out what you want to eat when that glorious period arrives. It’s also time to think about how you’ll work off those calories before or after the event!
Cotton Candy
The melt-in-your-mouth treat is fun for the first few bites and then you realize how sticky your fingers are getting and someone (cough, cough, Mrs. Sip) reminds you that cotton candy is pure sugar, while also asking for constant bites of your treat. Which one is it, unhealthy or delicious? Why can’t it be both?
Is that Morgan Freeman?
Mini Donuts
You can smell these suckers from miles away and the scent often drags you by the nose to a little booth where you shell out $5 for a bag of 12 mini donuts. And you’ll do it again the next time that cinnamon-sugar deep fried goodness invades your nostrils. It’s always sad how quickly these snacks disappear, but that’s why you happily go home broke.
Caramel Apples
I remember when I was a young’un that our last stop of the day at the fair was to grab a caramel apple for the road. Today they put all kinds of crazy stuff on apples, but back in the day you were happy to have a mound of caramel and if you were really lucky – I’m talking best day ever lucky – you’d find a caramel apple with Smarties on it.
Funnel Cake
This treat absolutely rules with all the options you can stuff in it or heap on top. It’s like a donut-pie combo and I’m a huge supporter of anything deep fried. I’ve even gone so far as to try to put a deep fryer on my wedding registry. When this was vetoed by Mrs. Sip, I launched a petition campaign to get the fryer on the ballot. Speaking of fried delectables…
Deep Fried Anything
From pickles to Mars bars, hot dogs to onions, anything can be wrapped in dough, shoved into a fryer, and found at a fair… and they all taste fantastic! I implore you to find me something that doesn’t taste like it was meant for a deity after it’s been glorified in batter.
Popcorn/Caramel Corn
I’m not a fan of the stuff, but Mrs. Sip is and if I don’t include it, I fear for my safety. Why don’t I like popcorn and other kernel-based snacks? Because I always seem to get those damn kernels stuck in my teeth, along my gums or worst of all, in my throat. For me, the risk-reward just doesn’t pay off. Mrs. Sip, on the other hand, could eat the stuff for dinner after loading it with butter and mixing the occasional Junior Caramel into each handful.
Corn on the Cob
Probably (and sadly) the healthiest item on this list. This is the one exception I will make in the kernel wars, as I don’t really care how much of the yellow stuff I get caught in my teeth or how much butter ends up smeared across my mouth… it’s all worth it in the end when I go for a smooch with Mrs. Sip and she realizes how messy I am…
Of course, you could always drink your carnival treat… yeah, let’s do that!
This shot was a great excuse to buy an entire, delicious caramel apple just to decorate it with… as if we need much of an excuse around here to go over the top! For those of you who don’t buy an entire candy apple each time you make this shot, a nice garnishing detail can be to rim the glass with caramel.
Well, I wish you all a wonderful trip to the fair, where I hope the food is awesome, the rides don’t make you yak, and that the demolition derby is still presented in your neck of the woods!
Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
The pleasure of this shot was two-fold, as the shooter itself was quite tasty and then Mrs. Sip and I chased the liquid with the absolutely scrumptious Caramel Apple. We even fought over the last piece, before she distracted me with another shot!
Sip Advisor 