August 30 – Mimosa

Posted on August 30, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Balanced Breakfast

While some cocktails should only be busted out in the evening, other drinks are perfect for morning enjoyment. Keep this post in mind as we begin a beautiful long weekend that provides a number of opportunities for a wonderful morning drink and a great start to the day!

Mimosa

Today’s drink du jour is a favourite of Mrs. Sip and is perfect for getting your buzz on early in the day. I can’t count how many bottles of champagne Mrs. Sip and I went through on our honeymoon cruise after ordering the free OJ that comes with breakfast and then kicking back on our balcony in complimentary robes and watching the sea life that passed by our ship, including turtles, flying fish, and even dolphins.

Caesar

The Caesar has also been deemed a hangover cure, so it has that going for it. This is the perfect ‘hair of the dog’ cocktail, getting booze back into your system while also replenishing the fluids you lost the night before via the Clamato juice. A proper Caesar should also be stuffed with various garnishes, which do wonders when looking for a light morning meal. I suppose Bloody Mary’s work, as well.

Tequila Shot

You have to be careful with this entry, as it doesn’t take too many tequila shots before you’ll be back in bed… but maybe that’s your intention! I’m trying to recollect the earliest I’ve had a tequila shot, but perhaps not surprisingly, failed. That means I probably had more than one and likely was nearing the dozen mark before long.

Margarita

This drink is among my favourite of all-time and it’s even better to start your day with. When Mrs. Sip and I were in Mexico earlier this year at an all-inclusive, I made a regular appointment for margaritas as we enjoyed our first meal. Scotch at night, margaritas in the morning… a harmonious coupling.

Irish Coffee

I’m not a caffeine fiend, but I know these folks do exist (sadly!). If you’re going to drink the crap, you might as well ‘Irish’ it up a little and throw a nice liqueur into the mix for that bonus pick-me-up. If you’re like me and are adverse to java, you can go with a hot chocolate beverage (or even tea I guess) and dessert it up for breaky!

Morning Glory Fizz

This doesn’t even sound like a cocktail… more of a morning delight with your favourite bedmate! This fizzy recipe is bound to wake your senses and boost you straight into your activities for the day. Do you think it’s a faux pas to enjoy this drink at other times? I think glory should be shared at all times… I don’t think he’s talking about cocktails anymore.

Beer

It doesn’t matter what type, as long as it’s cold and ready to rock. I’m still surprised when I get a look of awe as I crack open a breakfast beer camping or anywhere else. Providing I don’t have any driving ahead, why would I wait to start the alcohol ball rolling!?

Drink #242: Mimosa

Splash of Triple Sec or Grand Marnier
Splash of Orange Juice
Top with Champagne
Garnish with an Orange Wedge

So, do tell… what is your favourite morning cocktail? If you’re one of those “I don’t drink until [insert time here]” folks, you need not apply!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4.5 Sips out of 5):
It’s a freakin’ mimosa! You can’t really screw things up with it. The drink is very refreshing and tasty and can be drunk at all hours of the day. They go down easy and aren’t punishing at all. Have a great morning!

August 29 – Mexican Mojito

Posted on August 29, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Mocktail Mania

While I simply deplore the concept of the mocktail – I mean, seriously? You’re offering me a drink with no booze? – I feel it can be a fine training tool for young’uns who shouldn’t be indulging in sweet lady liquor. I have to give credit to the inventors of some mocktail names, which are as catchy as the spirits would normally be strong. Here are some of my favourites:

Nojito

One of my favourite families of drinks is the Mojito, highlighted by today’s offering of the Mexican variety. When I have my own little sippers, I’ll want to gradually introduce them to the wonders of mixology and this will be a fine starting point, especially for delicious summer bevvys. Mocktail Ingredients: Mint Leaves, Lime Juice, Simple Syrup, Club Soda

Safe Sex on the Beach

Sometimes called No Sex on the Beach (although I prefer ‘Safe Sex’ because at least someone is getting lucky!), I think the safest sex on the beach is to make whoopee anywhere other than the beach. Remember, they don’t call it sandpaper for nothing… that stuff can be rough! Mocktail Ingredients: Cranberry Juice, Pineapple Juice, Peach Nectar, Maraschino Cherry

Maternitini

I have given brief thought to a time in the very distant future when Mrs. Sip becomes pregnant and whether or not I’ll give up booze in solidarity with her. And I’m quick to shrug those ideas off and say eff that! I just thank the gods above that I don’t have to carry a child and lose out on my drinking ways. Mocktail Ingredients: Raspberries, Grapefruit Juice, Orange Juice, Cranberry Juice

Hot Not Toddy

While I rarely drink warm beverages (even if they are booze-fueled), this is a classic wintertime cocktail that can even be enjoyed sans alcohol (or so I’m led to believe!). I really only down the occasional hot chocolate at Christmas time and it’s usually topped with some sort of liqueur for added flavour and fun! Mocktail Ingredients: Tea, Honey, Cinnamon, Cloves, Nutmeg

Virgin Mary

A number of mocktails simply throw the word virgin in to get their point across, but this is a rare instance where it actually works quite well. Subbing in for the Bloody Mary, the Virgin Mary doesn’t look very good on paper, at least from my perspective. Any drink with Tomato Juice and no liquor seems not worth the effort. Mocktail Ingredients: Tomato Juice, Worcestershire Sauce, Hot Sauce, Lemon Juice

Unfuzzy Navel

This solves the age old mystery of what exactly makes a Fuzzy Navel fuzzy… it’s the liquor, of course! I suppose an unfuzzy navel is much sexier than a fuzzy one because that probably means it belongs to a dude. Nevertheless, I’ll take mine fuzzy with alcohol, please! Mocktail Ingredients: Peach Nectar, Orange Juice, Lemon Juice, Grenadine

Not So Dark and Stormy

I feel a better name for this mocktail would be something like ‘Calm Before the Storm’, just to completely flip it around. I wonder if the Gosling’s Rum folks have hissy fits over this drink in the same manner they do over the Dark and Stormy alcoholic beverage recipe, which they have a copyright over. Mocktail Ingredients: Ginger Beer, Molasses, Lime Juice, Lime Wedge

Salty Dog Without the Tail

This is certainly one of the cleverer mocktail names I came across in my research. It actually makes more sense than the actual spirit-based refreshment. This would be a great drink to pull out around kids who would have a grand ol’ time with the name alone. Grapefruit Juice may be an acquired taste, but I’d make sure my kids got used to it! Mocktail Ingredients: Grapefruit Juice, Salt

Drink #241: Mexican Mojito

Muddle Mint Leaves and Lime Wedges
1.5 oz Tequila (I used 1800 Añejo)
Top with Lemon-Lime Soda
Garnish with a Mint Sprig

I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention some other classic mocktails, such as the Shirley Temple and Arnold Palmer (if you add alcohol, it becomes a John Daly!) with this list. My favourite as a wee little sipper was the Roy Rogers. The Sip Family would sometimes stay at the Embassy Suites hotel chain, which had a wonderful happy hour including drinks and appies. Kids were treated to this recipe (cola, grenadine and a Maraschino cherry) and got to feel like they were part of the party! Now let’s never speak of mocktails again!!!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
While not my favourite among the Mojito family of drinks, I thoroughly enjoyed this rendition. Using Añejo Tequila was a nice touch, of course, and it is yet another spirit that works well with all the usual Mojito ingredients.

August 28 – Big Dipper

Posted on August 28, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Chippy Dippy Challenge

You little sippers should know quite well by now that I fancy myself to be a potato chip sommelier of sorts. With the Lays chip company presenting a new flavour competition, “Do Us a Flavour,” I assembled some of my rival chip connoisseurs (like gathering the heads of the five mafia families) to critique these new offerings suggested by the public. I tried submitting a flavour as well, but kept getting bounced out of the site, theorizing that the company and the world was not yet ready to handle Honey Garlic Ranch… sounds pretty awesome, doesn’t it! Here are our notes on the chosen flavours:

Creamy Garlic Caesar

I’ve had BLT chips before, so the idea of lettuce flavour on chips isn’t too foreign. This chip seemed to be the winning choice among the four tastes and I’m happy to report the contributing customer comes from my hometown. I love the Caesar dressing flavour and the chip reminded us all of Sour Crème and Onion, but enhanced. Cousin Sip suggested they could be crushed and used as croutons on salad, but you’d want to apply just before eating so as not to let them get too soggy.

Maple Moose

Basically this flavour could be summed up as a true slice of Canadiana, but it really translates to meat and maple syrup. Ma Sip liked its smoky taste, but others found that same zest to be a little overwhelming. I can’t say that I’ve ever had moose meat, so I’m not sure how close they came to mimicking that essence. I guess that makes me less of a Canadian… oh well!

Grilled Cheese and Ketchup

This flavour intrigued me as despite my hatred for cheese, I don’t mind grilled cheese sandwiches, providing a white cheese like mozzarella is used. However, this recipe favours a little too much on the cheese side, with Cousin Sip suggesting that the ketchup ingredient be enhanced a little more or even the addition of some dill powder would take this entry to a whole ‘notha level.

Perogy Platter

Something was missing from the Perogy Platter variety. Perhaps some more onion or bacon flavouring would make the taste a little bolder. It was still an enjoyable chip, though, similar to a fully-loaded baked potato type. It also proved that deep fried, crunchy perogies are the way to go and not noodle-esque boiled potato cartridges. Long live the fryer!

Drink #240: Big Dipper

1 oz Brandy
1 oz Dark Rum (I used Captain Morgan)
Dash of Cointreau
Splash of Lime Juice
Top with Lemon-Lime Soda
Garnish with Lime Wedge

This will not be the last Chippy Dippy Challenge, as I plan on hosting this event annually… or every couple weeks (I love potato chips that much!). What do you think of the above flavours? Have any suggestions of brands/styles/flavours to try? I’m just a click away!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
This was the first time I mixed Apricot Brandy with Rum, usually pairing it with Gin and both work very well. I subbed out the originally suggested Club Soda and Sugar and replaced it with Lemon-Lime Soda to even up all the requirements. I tried to make the Lime Wedge garnish look like a chip being dipped into the cocktail.

August 27 – The Gladiator

Posted on August 27, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

No Muss, No Fuss

In some ways, a fussy drinker is justified… but there are other times where you just need to let go and make the best of a boozy situation. Instead of being a fussy #*$!, here are some suggestions for when you’re feeling the fuss but still want to get your drink on.

Must Have Ice

If no ice is available, I will suffer through my drink, but it at all possible, you better believe there will be cubes in my cocktail. I’ve learned well from my parents that having a stock of ice is perhaps the most crucial element to any soiree. Surprisingly, some locations don’t really cater to the ice lovers out there. If you’re in a setting that doesn’t allow the free flow of ice, my recommendation is to stick to beer or wine.

Top Shelf Only

Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate drinking a top shelf spirit when the opportunity arises, but I’m not going to go all Frasier Crane when other alcohols are used to make my cocktail. There are people out there that only want the finest and that is their prerogative… unless they make a scene about that. Those folks should be shown the door, whether friend, colleague, lover, or kin. There are some good cheaper brands that can really make a drink. My favourite mid-shelf drinks are Sailor Jerry Spiced Rum, Disaronno (for Amaretto), and Absolut.

Fresh Ingredients Are a Must

In the interest of simplicity, sometimes it would be easier to use a pre-mixed concoction. However, Mrs. Sip won’t allow this and I do get her point. Bottled mixes are often much sweeter and more sugary than the natural ingredients would be. We’ve made it a rule around the Sip Advisor headquarters that only fresh juices and fruit are used for this site. I hope you’ve noticed our dedication to excellence!

I’m On a Diet

This may be the fussy drinker that pisses me off the most. We all have friends that only drink vodka sodas or other flavourless swill because they are watching their calorie intake. The worst is that person who insists her cocktail be made with diet pop – which is far worse for you than any normal beverage – and gives you attitude when you inform them you don’t carry that crap because of how awful it is. Solution: None, you suck.

It Needs Fizz

Another core concept I generally agree with, but there are a multitude of drinks that neither require nor warrant carbonation to be enjoyable. Most of the classic cocktails would be ruined if fizz was added. That being said, generally if we can work some tang into any beverage, you can bet your ass we will. A positive of using sodas in your mix is that the drink will have an effervescence and energy to it as the bubbles hit your tongue.

Too Soft, Too Hard

Scratch that, this is the fussiest drinker that grinds my gears the most. The type of “friend” who complains about the drink you’ve given them being too weak. Um, alright… and by the way, you’re welcome. Then when you make the next cocktail, you up the liquor quotient and suddenly it’s too strong. Well, you know what, I reserve the right to pick and choose who I serve and you… are… out of here!

Drink #239: The Gladiator

0.75 oz Amaretto (I used Disaronno)
0.75 oz Peach Schnapps
Drop shot into glass of Lemon-Lime Soda
Garnish with a Lime Wedge

What cocktail requirements do you insist on? Perhaps we’ll have to agree to disagree!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I’m not sure how a drink that use two lighter spirits winds up with such a commanding name like The Gladiator, but that’s just how things go sometimes. I found this recipe in an online discussion of cocktails for fussy drinkers, so I decided to give it a try. I liked how the Peach Schnapps and Amaretto would slowly roll out of the shot glass as I slammed the Lemon-Lime Soda and the whole concoction was quite tasty!

August 26 – Wedding Cake

Posted on August 26, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

I Thee Wed

Yesterday, Mrs. Sip and I celebrated our first wedding anniversary. With that in mind, I’m reflecting back to our special day last year. Weddings are a funny thing to plan. You put so much energy and effort into one day (a day you’re too busy to enjoy every detail of) and before you know it, the day has passed. I wouldn’t consider myself a wedding coordinator expert and I know every person has their own desires and budget, but for my money, these are the must-haves for your nuptials:

Live Band

While a DJ will get the music job done, I will never regret shelling out a little extra to have a live band at our wedding. Mrs. Sip and I are classic rock fans, so we picked a local band, The BobCats, which specializes in covers of The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, CCR, Van Morrison, and others. We’d seen the guys perform multiple times before and were thrilled when they were available to work our wedding and rock the joint to the early hours of the morning.

These guys were my second choice to play our wedding!

Photographer

This one is pretty obvious and I think very few couples get married nowadays without a professional photographer documenting their special day. Our photos are amazing and will provide instant memories of our wedding as we review them over time. Magnolia Photographic was the perfect choice for our wedding and I’m particularly fond of the stunning shots of Mrs. Sip, who looked drop dead gorgeous that day (and all other days!).

Videographer

When Mrs. Sip and I first started the wedding planning process video was not a priority. Hell, it wasn’t even on the list. Then you start talking to people who fully recommend getting a videographer and you start looking at videos and it suddenly becomes a must-have. We buckled and hired a great little company (RF Weddings) that provided us with an amazing video of highlights from the day. The way they blended song and images together was truly masterful and guests loved watching the same day edit during our reception.

Candy Bar

This was another idea that wasn’t initially on our original list of ideas, but I threw it on the “to do” list last minute after attending a friend’s wedding in Toronto which featured one. Choosing all the candy to put into the bar was a lot of fun, but tracking down containers to display the treats was a little more daunting (we wanted drink-themed glasses like martini and goblet styles). Still, we got it done (thanks to an extra shopping trip by Ma Sip) and the creativity of the friend I put in charge of setting up the station.

This was our actual wedding candy bar… looks pretty sweet, am I right!?

Entertainment during Photos

Mrs. Sip and I didn’t want to kill the buzz of guests between ceremony and reception, when most couples now disappear to do off-site photos with their wedding party. We had a strings band (Musical Occasions) play between the two events, while beverages and snacks were available and we also had a group come out that does magnetic photos of your invitees, which they can take home. On the subject, you also don’t want to force your guests to kill too much time between the ceremony and reception… keep that in mind.

Buffet

Not to take a shot at plate service for dinner, but I prefer buffets, which allow guests to grab exactly what they want, enjoy a variety of options, and eat until they’re about to explode. With all the craziness going down at our wedding, I only managed to load up my plate once and never even got to the dessert edition, although it looked spectacular. The folks at the Shaughnessy Golf & Country Club sure know how to put a spread together.

Limos

It’s your special day and you might as well be travelling in style. Unless you have a cool and unique car for transport, a limo is the best way to achieve this. Ace of Spades Limos worked diligently to get everyone where they needed be when they needed to be there. We used four different limos during the day (one for the bride and bridesmaids, one for the groom and groomsmen, one for the wedding party for photos, and one at the end of the night for the happy couple) and there wasn’t a single issue to deal with.

Hotel

In my books, it just doesn’t seem as special if you go through the whole wedding process, only to return to your normal home that night. Indulge in a little pampering and take off to a nearby hotel. We checked into the Pan Pacific along Vancouver’s waterfront. It was a mch needed respite as it allowed Mrs. Sip and I to get away after the wedding, digest the events of the day together, and enjoy some quality one-on-one time. Couples can also achieve this much needed getaway by immediately leaving for their honeymoon, which is a good way of forgetting all about any post-wedding issues!

Drink #238: Wedding Cake

0.75 oz Gin (I used Tanqueray)
0.75 oz Amaretto
Splash of Pineapple Juice
Splash of Orange Juice
Splash of Milk
Garnish with Wedding Bands (if you got them!)

What are the wedding must-haves that you insist on? Have any issues with my list? Too bad, it’s written in internet stone!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
I already made the Wedding Cake Shot, so now it was time to try the martini edition. There are other versions of this drink, but I wanted to see how all these ingredients would work together. The Gin doesn’t overwhelm the taste buds, which surprised me and nothing is out of place at all with this cocktail. Getting the wedding bands to sit just right for the photo was a pain, but it was one of those ideas I just had to see through.

August 25 – Wedding Anniversary

Posted on August 25, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Whatcha Get Me?

Today, Mrs. Sip and I celebrate one year of marriage! While doing research for our celebration, I came across the list of traditional and modern anniversary gifts. Some make sense – you know, your typical array of varying jewelry and fine materials – while others take a little more time to wrap your head around. Here are some of those items that brought a smile to my face:

Traditional (U.S.)

Paper (1st) – Could this be the divorce agreement!?

Cotton (2nd) – So, a collection of ear swabs, cotton balls and panty liners should suffice, right!?

Traditional (U.K.)

Fruit and Flowers (4th) – Here’s an apple and a posy. Let’s see which one goes bad first…

Sugar (6th) – Looks like anniversary #6 will be highlighted by rimmed daiquiris!

Salt (8th) – So, if I grab Mrs. Sip some McDonald’s fries, have I satisfied the tradition?

Wine (85th) – Oh, sure, make things easier on the older folks, who might actually have the money to spend on these items!

Modern

Clock (1st) – I think Mrs. Sip would take this as an insult, given that she’s always late and I’ve been trying for over a decade to correct that behaviour!

Appliances (4th) – Okay, you’ve survived the first few years of marriage… now it’s time to get that girl to start doing some dishes… cooking you meals… washing your clothes… all that other chauvinistic stuff. What says love more than a crock pot or a toaster oven? Ironically, I do all that for our little household. Mrs. Sip works long hours and I’m generally around more, so I take care of details like cleaning up our place and preparing dinner.

Wood Objects (6th) – Oh, this one is too easy… next!

Pen and Pencil Sets (7th) – You’d figure that this gift idea would be a little higher up on the list. I wonder if pen and pencil sets have lost all meaning since everyone just uses computers nowadays. Mrs. Sip, if you’re reading this, just get me a new laptop!

Lace (8th) – Finally things start to get a little interesting. Lace… on Mrs. Sip… yes, please!

Leather Goods (9th) – Almost as good as the lace, but is this because by this point the marriage needs a little something to spice it up?

Musical Instruments (24th) – But what if neither person is good at playing any instrument whatsoever? I guess there’s always Guitar Hero and Rock Band options!

Engraved Marble (90th) – If Mrs. Sip and I actually make it to our 90th anniversary, you can damn well bet that I’ll be getting that shizzle engraved! I guess by that point we would be buying each others…tombstones? (nothing so “forever” like matching headstones, right?

Drink #237: Wedding Anniversary)

1 oz Vodka (I used Beluga)
1 oz Galliano
0.5 oz Campari
Top with Orange Juice
Garnish with a Raspberry

Happy anniversary, baby! It’s the paper anniversary, but our printer is busted and I’m all into recycling, so I made you this post instead. You can print it at work at a later date!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (2.5 Sips out of 5):
This cocktail tastes pretty good… right up until the Campari-kick comes in at the end and ruins the entire taste you were previously enjoying. My recommendation is to sub out the Campari for any other Bitters you might have.

August 24 – Warm Fuzzies

Posted on August 24, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Warmth Spreading

There are those certain times in your day which bring the greatest of pleasurable feelings, as a sea of warmth spreads over your body and a sensation of true bliss brings a smile to your face. I call this time sex… na, just kidding. You don’t have to be in the throes of passion to feel all warm and fuzzy. Here are my favourite things that bring about the heat for me:

Waking Up with Time before Your Alarm

I prefer to wake up naturally and hate using an alarm clock. Of course, if you want to avoid consistent unemployment, an alarm clock really comes in handy. It has to be one of the greatest feelings in the world when you wake up, check the time and your alarm isn’t set to go off for a while… the longer the better. Even if all you have left is 10 minutes and you may not be able to get back to dream world, it’s nice to know your blankets and bed will keep you comfortable for just a little longer.

The Smell of Barbecue

I don’t really care what type of meat is on the barbie, so long as it’s filling the atmosphere with its sweet meaty smells. The only time this sucks is when you’re extremely hungry and the scent of cooking food is driving you to a non-desirable mental state. It makes you want to hunt down the barbecue, trespass on property, steal said meat, and break another couple criminal codes, as you also pilfer the place’s liquor collection and side dishes.

Kitties Purring

Cats sometimes seem so nonchalant, as if they don’t have a care in the world. So, when one snuggles up to you for a little rest and begins purring their little head off, then you know you have an unbreakable connection. My little buddy, Furious B, even rewards our family with hunted rodents and birds. That’s just his way of saying: “Thanks for the lap, the nap, the blanket, and the kibble!”

Giving Presents

I love giving gifts to my closest friends and family. I put a lot of time and effort into figuring out the right present and then tracking that item down. Sometimes it can be frustrating, especially since I don’t like shopping and all too often I can’t find what I’m looking for easily, but the reaction you get when that present is finally delivered and opened makes the whole process totally worth it!

Making Drinks

I’m really in my element when I’m mixing drinks for friends and family. I love when I can bring some small amount of enjoyment to them with a delicious cocktail. Receiving rave reviews isn’t rare and even if they’re just being nice, I’ll take it! I like being the one that plays bartender and makes the drinks everyone is talking about. It’s nice to be the center of drinking attention and also gets this introvert out of the all-out party assault when he needs a little breather.

Shared Nostalgia

I love that time in the evening of a drink-a-thon when everyone starts thinking about the awesome things from their childhood or teenage years. Mrs. Sip and I will discuss at length the lessons we learned from Saved by the Bell or how Cousin Sip had such a crush of Kit Cloudkicker from Tail Spin (sorry to out you there, but you probably weren’t alone!). I can remember (fuzzy memories still count) countless hours spent reminiscing about favourite candies, toys, shows, movies, etc. and it really doesn’t get much better to share that with the ones you love!

Drink #236: Warm Fuzzies (A Sip Advisor Original Recipe)

0.5 oz Sand Berry Liqueur (I used Gutshof Sanddorn Likor)
1 oz Cloudberry Liqueur
Garnish with an Orange Wedge

What are your favourite warm fuzzy moments? If you simply agree with my list and how awesome I am, that will continue the warm fuzzy vibe we got going on here… don’t screw it up!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
This delicious shot earned its name thanks to the warm fuzzy feeling it gave my entire body as it worked its way down my throat and into my stomach, providing the same feeling soon after to my head .I created this recipe on a whim when Mrs. Sip suggested we do a shot before going for a walk… she’s such a clever lady! Unfortunately, the liqours were purchased in Germany and Estonia so I realize this shot may be a bit more difficult to re-create if you are on the wrong side of the pond.

August 23 – Mosquito Bite

Posted on August 23, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Summertime Blues

Today, I’m going to go against typecast and play the role of Debbie Downer. Summer is an awesome time, but like most things in life, it isn’t perfect. Here are the things that sadly suck about the summer season:

Mosquito Bites

I came up with this list after awaking to some awful itches that are driving me insane as I type this article. The worst thing about mosquitos is that you know they’re around, buzzing by your ear and hunting you down. Sadly, they are good at what they do and if you’re not careful, you’ll wind up bitten to pieces. Poor Mrs. Sip is a mozzie magnet which is usually how I walk away unscathed.

Dehydration

I believe I was the victim of dehydration a couple weeks back, which is a little odd because I work diligently to keep myself and others hydrated with not only booze, but water, as well. I guess I just wasn’t on my game that day and a little too much time poolside was giving me flu-like feelings. A half-dozen glasses of cold water and I was feeling myself again… the club can’t handle me, yo!

Intolerable Night Heat

Nothing is more frustrating than trying to sleep during the heights of summer heat. I myself, like to be covered by a blanket when snoozing, but in the summer, I constantly have to throw my legs on top of our comforter or completely toss the covering off. Many sleepless nights are spent trying to acclimatize to the heat and get comfortable. Mrs. Sip encroaching on my side of the bed with her furnace-like temperature doesn’t help matters.

Sun Burns

Speaking of Mrs. Sip, she’s currently nursing a pretty nasty burn thanks to a little too much time in the sun. There is an upside to all this though, because guess who works some pretty decent magic with a bottle of Aloe Vera… that’s right, the Sip Advisor! You have to be diligent with healing a sun burn, so as not to enter the peeling stage, which is beyond gross.

Forest Fires

While a sun burn is like a forest fire for a person’s body, these incidents are capable of leaving a scorched earth that takes years to recover. That’s not even factoring the loss of homes, wildlife, and in the most tragic cases, human life. We’ve had a pretty dry summer in these here parts, but I haven’t heard too much about forest fire issues. Perhaps the cigarette butt-tossing folk have finally learned their lesson.

Drink #235: Mosquito Bite (A Sip Advisor Original Recipe)

1 oz Vodka (I used Smirnoff)
1 oz Fireball Whiskey
Top with Milk
Garnish with Cinnamon Powder and Stir

Upon making this list, one quickly realizes that these minor inconveniences of summer are totally worth it for such an amazing period of the year. I hope everyone out there enjoys what is left of their summertime fun!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (2.5 Sips out of 5):
This cocktail was a bit of a miss. It just didn’t come together as expected, but it wasn’t horrible either. I was disappointed not to find a drink called Mosquito Bite, but a couple simply called Mosquito… I refused to have any of that and changed the name to the way I liked it (renegade style!). The bites of Cinnamon are like the stings of a mosquito and the white Milky flesh provides a perfect canvas for the little buggers to do their damage, dotting the work with Cinnamon Powder.

August 22 – Shark’s Tooth

Posted on August 22, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Bite Me

There are some serious teethers out there… sets of mouths that I hope I never have to come across. While most entries on this list are animal-related, sadly, some humans (living and undead) have also made a name for themselves, thanks to their chompers. Here are some entities I don’t want to be bit by:

Killer Shark

It’s not like the idea behind the Jaws movies (and numerous other films about the creature’s thirst for human blood) came from nowhere. Sharks are vicious animals and have been known to attack humans with bites so bad that they lose limbs, or worse, lives. In its defense, a shark has even been known to aid in a murder investigation, when a Tiger Shark vomited up a human forearm in Sydney, Australia.

Venomous Snake

I’ve made it quite clear that I have a fear of snakes. Knowing just how deadly they can be doesn’t really help. Some of the most deadly snakes in the world include the King Cobra, Puff Adder, and Taipan… all of which I hope to never encounter. Shockingly, a Honey Badger (perhaps the coolest animal in the world behind cats) is resistant to some of the most deadly venoms in the world and can eat a snake in short order!

Bullet Ant

This little fella has been ranked as having the most painful bite in the world, with people comparing it to being shot (likely people who have never actually been shot, but I digress). The Bullet Ant is found in South America and is actually used by the Satere-Mawe tribe as a rite of passage for boys, who have to wear a glove of the ants for ten minutes, suffering numerous bites and painful symptoms that can last for days.

Vampire

Turning to our fictional biters, in much of vampire mythology, biting is a source of fear, dominance, sexuality, and necessity. Just watch an episode of True Blood (not that lame-ass Twilight garbage) and you’re bound to see numerous scenes of fangdom. Some real life vampires actually exist, usually of the crazy serial killer variety. This list includes Countess Elizabeth Báthory and Fritz Haarmann, who was beheaded for his crimes.

Gila Monster

What do you get when you combine sharp teeth, thorough chewing and toxic venom… the Gila Monster, of course. Luckily for us humans, the Gila Monster’s laziness means we probably won’t have to deal with the animal, but they should not be approached or provoked. The killer lizard has even been used as a school mascot, as Eastern Arizona College has Gila Hank, complete with cowboy hat and gun!

Mosquito

Along with my constant attention and devotion, Mrs. Sip is live bait for Mosquitos, who will bite her throughout and evening, while other people in the same setting escape unscathed. She is my own personal Citronella Candle! Not only can the Mosquito leave you with a tremendous itch and splotchy skin, but they also spread the deadly malaria virus, which has killed unfathomable numbers throughout history.

Brazilian Wandering Spider

This spider has the highest human kill rate among arachnids and its venom can cause a long-lasting erection (is that really so bad!?). Look out Viagra, your days may be numbered as the most prolific boner pill… you know, once they figure out the whole toxic venom side effect. So much for the Black Widow Spider being so bad. Perhaps Mrs. Sip won’t be so eager to travel to Brazil anymore after reading this!

Mike Tyson

The bite heard ‘round the world’ occurred June 28, 1997, when the ‘Baddest Man on the Planet’ proved his reputation and sunk his pearly whites into the ear of opponent Evander Holyfield. It was the final straw in Tyson’s rollercoaster boxing career, which saw the heavyweight fighter rise to championship glory at the age of 20 and fall hard from grace, following a rape conviction, substance abuse problems, financial woes, and failed comebacks.

Drink #234: Shark’s Tooth

1.5 oz Dark Rum (I used Captain Morgan)
Splash of Lime Juice
Splash of Lemon Juice
Dash of Grenadine
Dash of Soda Water
Garnish with Lemon Wedge

When you really think about it, is there such a thing as a “good bite”? I guess if you’re into a little pain with your pleasure you might want to go down this road, but otherwise, I’ll take my loving sans teeth!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
There is also a Shark Bite cocktail, which is quite clever in that it includes a couple drops of grenadine to simulate the look of blood within the rest of the mix. As for this recipe, you think the drink will be too sweet, but the soda really takes the edge off… for some reason I tasted chocolate despite the ingredients having nothing to do with the stuff.

August 21 – Village Idiot

Posted on August 21, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Dumb and Dumber

Yesterday we had a look at some of the stupid things I’ve done over my many awesome years. Did you really think that was it, though? There are so many other wild tales of great idiocy in my archives. Here are a few more select stories!

One More for the Road

Well before I became the seasoned drinker you see before you today, I was still learning the ropes of the liquor game and picking up experience points where I could. At a party very early in my drinkdom, shortly after high school graduation, I was having a great time catching up with folks I hadn’t seen since our days of set school schedules and also meeting some newbies to the Sip Advisor’s world.

Before I knew it, I was 10 beers deep. With the party still in full swing, I was sad to discover that my stock had been completely depleted. I was now regretting giving out the couple brews I had gifted to others for past offerings bestowed upon me. For shame, Sip Advisor… but it gets worse. In my bag of goodies was one Mike’s Hard Lemonade – the popular drink of my graduation summer. Why I brought it with me, I don’t know. Perhaps the devil slipped it in my bag for its own amusement.

Without much thought, I cracked the can open, took a big swig, and immediately felt it not sitting very well. Being young and dumb as I was, I finished the beverage and decided to make my way home. What was usually only a ten minute walk home took me nearly double, as I was forced to stop frequently to get sick on some poor stranger’s lawn. I eventually made it home to get sick once more in my room, before passing out. Lesson learned, my little sippers: beer before liquor, never been sicker… liquor before beer, you’re in the clear!

Wax-on, Wax-off

For years following Mrs. Sip and I becoming an item, I had complained about not liking my chest hair and wanting to have it removed. Mrs. Sip must have finally hit her breaking point because one night, she showed up at my place with a waxing kit and said the time had finally come to put up or shut up. So, there we stood, in the bathroom, Mrs. Sip warming and dripping hot wax over my body, as Broski Sip snickered and filmed the incident for prosperity purposes (or at least that’s what they told me!).

Finally, it was time. RIP! Mrs. Sip pulled away the first patch and left in its place was a bald patch of skin. I was surprised that the whole process didn’t really hurt that much. So, we continued and in no time we were finished and I had a nice smooth chest. End of story, right!? Not so fast. Within minutes my chest was covered in all these tiny red little bumps that never really went away until the hair started growing back. A man just can’t catch a break!

Cruise Ship Quarantine

Back in early May, I wrote an article about how to enjoy an open bar. Let’s just say I wrote that post a little too well. You see, my aunt was getting married aboard a cruise ship and the wedding package featured a one-hour open bar with little appies and such. With only an hour to drink like kings, a game plan was needed and I captained that ship straight into the rocky cliffs.

Video and photo evidence from the event shows me with two drinks in hand for nearly every appearance. We also lined up at least 10 rounds of shots to go with the double fisting of doubled drinks. I can throw down pretty good in the game we call alcohol, but my biggest mistake that day was building all that booze on top of nothing. I hadn’t eaten that morning (not a huge surprise, as I’m not really a breakfast guy) and still hadn’t touched anything edible by the time the wedding ceremony was over around 2pm.

I guess it could have been worse!

Largely on my advice (and coercion) three of us ended up getting quarantined, while a couple others were incapacitated for much of the trip. Worst of all, we were banished to our rooms because those of us who got sick did so in front of ship staff and we were forced to miss much of the post-wedding celebration. Let’s just sum up by saying that it was far from my finest moment, but I can still provide a lesson of sort to all you little sippers to keep yourself on track and only lose your cookies in the privacy of your stateroom!

Drink #233: Village Idiot

1 oz Gin (I used Bombay Sapphire)
1 oz Vodka
Top with Lemonade
Dash of Lime Juice
Garnish with Lemon and Lime Slices

Again, I implore you to share your stories of stupidity. I’m starting to feel a little lonely here, sharing all my goof ups and not hearing any of yours. Let’s make this a give-take idiot relationship!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (5 Sips out of 5):
If you make one of these, you’ll be far from a village idiot, you’ll be a genius. It’s so refreshing and tasty, crisp and clean. The recipe is pretty simple, so I spiced it up a bit with top shelf liquors Grey Goose Cherry Noir Vodka and Bombay Sapphire Gin. Everything worked well together and left me thirsting for more!