December 5 – Grinch

Posted on December 5, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Special Education

Every Christmas time, much like with movies, there’s certain TV specials you just have to watch. It doesn’t matter how many times you’ve seen that knucklehead Charlie Brown ruin everybody’s Christmas or the picnic basket-stealing Yogi Bear become a thorn in Ranger Smith’s side because he refuses to hibernate, you just have to watch it again… because it’s tradition damnit! Now quit your moaning and let’s get to the viewing!

Merry Christmas, Mr. Bean

There is such a genius to Rowan Atkinson’s facial expressions and physical humour that you don’t even need Mr. Bean to speak a single line of dialogue to enjoy numerous laughs. This special sees the titular character enjoy all the aspects of Christmas, including shopping, picking out a tree, opening cards, celebrating Christmas Eve, opening presents, and preparing a Christmas feast. It’s quite the adventure from start to finish, much like everyone’s holiday season.

A Garfield Christmas

That sardonic little kitty is ready to wreak havoc on the Christmas holiday… or sleep right through it! Garfield, Odie, and Jon are off to the country for a “good ol’ fashioned Christmas, down on the farm” with Jon’s family. While Odie looks for the perfect present to give Garfield, Jon’s family goes through the normal Christmas routine and Garfield even gets a dose of the Christmas spirit, finding long lost letters from Jon’s late Grandpa to his Grandma, whom Garfield is quite fond of.

A Charlie Brown Christmas

The Peanuts gang are out to celebrate Christmas and the only person in the entire world that can ruin their fun is Charlie Brown… he ruins everything, after all! This is an interesting special, in that it looks at Christmas as an over-commercialized and secular holiday, while examining the true meaning of Christmas. A difficult subject for a children’s cartoon. Still, the special is a classic with memorable music and images.

How the Grinch Stole Christmas

Before Jim Carrey and CGI, the Grinch was simply an animated Christmas hater, who reached his breaking point and ventured into Whoville to ruin the Whovillians Christmas celebration. His efforts, however, don’t result in the despair he expected and he realizes that Christmas is about more than presents, decorations, and food. The Seussian language is pretty special stuff and the show is wonderfully narrated by Boris Karloff and features a number of memorable songs.

A Muppet Family Christmas

The best thing about The Muppets is that they provide entertainment children young and old alike. Here, the whole gang arrives at Fozzy’s mom’s place for the holiday and are later joined by the Sesame Street folk, making for one packed house. My favourite scene in this crossover is when Cookie Monster demolishes a freshly-baked tray of cookies, causing Animal to chime in: “That my kind of fella!”

Mickey’s Christmas Carol

I love it when the oft-used Scrooge McDuck gets his fair share of screen time! In the Disney rendition of A Christmas Carol, McDuck gets to play the big cheese, Ebenezer Scrooge – a perfect fit if there ever was one. The rest of the Disney gang fills in all the important roles of the tale. Not surprisingly, this special was released in 1983 (all the best things were!) and has gone on to become a treasured classic (much like the Sip Advisor!).

Yogi’s First Christmas

Yogi and Boo Boo usually sleep through the Christmas season thanks to their annual hibernation, but this year will be different, as the Hanna-Barbara gang (Snagglepuss, Huckleberry Hound, Augie Doggie, and Doggie Daddy) arrive at Jellystone Lodge to celebrate Christmas and in their merriment, awaken the bears. It’s a good thing, too, as Yogi saves the day from Herman the Hermit and Snively the brat child, earning the reward of a picnic basket he can enjoy in the spring.

Bugs Bunny’s Looney Christmas Tales/Bah, Humduck

It’s no surprise for you little sippers to learn that the Sip Advisor loves his Looney Tunes. Cartoon violence is among my favourite activities and I can’t wait for the day that I have my own animated special and I’m the one getting bopped with mallets and crushed with anvils. These two specials insert the Looney Tunes gang into the Christmas holiday, with Yosemite Sam and Daffy Duck as two different versions of Ebenezer Scrooge, Wile E. Coyote chasing the Roadrunner in frigid temperatures, and the Tasmanian Devil as Santa Claus.

Drink #239: Grinch

2 oz Midori
Splash of Lemon Juice
Dash of Simple Syrup
Garnish with a Maraschino Cherry

Some honourable mentions include Christmas Eve on Sesame Street, A Chipmunk Christmas, Opus’ A Wish for Wings that Work, and the Rankin/Bass Specials (including Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, Santa Claus Is Comin’ to Town, and Frosty the Snowman). Have any suggestions for must-see Christmas specials? Help make my holiday season a little more merry!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
Instead of using the Lemon Juice and Simple Syrup, I simply topped the martini with Lemonade and killed two birds with one stone. It was a pretty tasty drink thanks to that little maneuvering. I like to think that the Maraschino Cherry I used for the garnish is like the Grinch’s heart which grew three sizes that fateful Christmas day!

November 21 – Brain-Duster

Posted on November 21, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Whiskey Truth

I normally don’t do the quote thing, but I found that whiskey and its close relatives have inspired many to wax philosophical about the liquor. Here are some of the great quotes I was able to find:

“Whiskey, like a beautiful woman, demands appreciation. You gaze first, then it’s time to drink.” ― Haruki Murakami

Yeah, beautiful woman may demand appreciation, but you have to make them work for it a little too! Perhaps throw in a little appreciative tease, making them think you’ve fallen hook, line and sinker. Then pull a complete 180, get off that hook and make them dangle some bait to bring you to the surface again!

“Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough.” ― Mark Twain

I’ve never agreed with the statement that too much of a good thing can be bad. I think we should be able to have as much good stuff going in our lives as constantly as possible. Why does our good mojo need to be broken up by some bad vibes? I think that’s bullshit. Whiskey, on the other hand, is always good, so let’s enjoy it for that.

“Love makes the world go round? Not at all. Whiskey makes it go round twice as fast.” ― Compton Mackenzie

I’m sure we’ve all been there (except for those straight edge types) when we find our world spinning a little (or a lot) thanks to a little liquid encouragement! Whenever I’m feeling like an internal merry-go-round, I just ride it out and enjoy all the sensations of utter inebriation. If you can’t handle the waves, you probably shouldn’t have hopped on the boat.

“There is no bad whiskey. There are only some whiskeys that aren’t as good as others.” ― Raymond Chandler

In my memory (as depleted as it may be) I can’t say that I’ve ever tasted a bad whiskey, so I can’t really challenge Mr. Chandler on his assertion. Sadly, Mrs. Sip is not a whiskey fan and this is one thing we can’t share together. It has led to some serious questions about our relationship longevity that I continue to quash with drinking more whiskey.

“Sometimes life is sad. You can cry in your booze, if you want. I think that’s called a Whiskey Sour.” ― Jarod Kintz

I do enjoy Whiskey Sours, but I’ve never thought of creating one from human tears. This could open up a whole new field and craze in the mixology world! Remember, you heard it here first!

“I have never in my life seen a Kentuckian who didn’t have a gun, a pack of cards, and a jug of whiskey.” ― Andrew Jackson

Those Kentuckians sound like pretty great people… well, minus the gun part. I’m totally down with the whole jug of whiskey and pack of cards mentality, though. I think I should organize a little game of strip poker with some southern belles and see if this whole quote actually holds up!

Drink #325: Brain-Duster

1 oz Absinthe
0.5 oz Sweet Vermouth
0.5 oz Whiskey
Dash of Simple Syrup
Garnish with an Orange Wheel

Got a whiskey quote you really like that I haven’t touched upon above? Or do you have an alternative interpretation to what I’ve deciphered here today? Let’s get philosophical together!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (2 Sips out of 5):
Good lord this drink is strong. Mrs. Sip snagged a sip of the cocktail while I was prepping dinner (that’s right, the Sip Advisor does it all!) and nearly knocked herself loopy with one fell swoop… or sip. The Absinthe is just so potent and needs to be mixed with just the right ingredients or else it’s hard to make it palatable.

November 15 – The Soprano

Posted on November 15, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Turn Down Service

For some actors, taking a TV role when you’re considered a movie star is a step down. That just provides an opportunity for another talent to step in, knock the performance out of the park and end up doing better in the long run than the one who originally turned his nose up at the project. Here are some examples of folks who passed up on TV glory (for whatever reason):

Ray Liotta as Tony Soprano (The Sopranos)

Ray Liotta, star of movies like Goodfellas, turned down the landmark role because he wanted to focus on movies. In the time he could have been playing the mobster, Liotta made numerous films, but nothing particularly memorable. Of course James Gandolfini took the role and ran with it… straight to three Emmy’s, which launched his own chance to enter the movie world before his untimely death earlier this year.

Tom Selleck as Mitch Buchannon (Baywatch)

Tom Selleck turned down the head lifeguard role, as he didn’t want to be a sex symbol… to which I’ve always said, “too late, Mr. Magnum!” Selleck’s role refusal did give David Hasselhoff and his German minions another chance to rejoice and without it, Hasselhoff’s infamous downward spiral might have gone unnoticed. Seriously, though, who hasn’t tried to eat a floor cheeseburger in a drunken stupor!?

Michael Richards as Adrian Monk (Monk)

Fresh off his stint as crazy neighbor Cosmo Kramer on Seinfeld, Michael Richards was offered the role of obsessive compulsive disorder suffering detective Adrian Monk, but he wasn’t interested in the role. ABC let the show slip away to the USA Network, which cast Tony Shalhoub , who played the intricately troubled ex-cop perfectly. Richards instead went on a racial slur-laced rant at a comedy club and would probably pay for work now.

Craig T. Nelson as Jay Pritchett (Modern Family)

Craig T. Nelson hasn’t evaded the question of why he turned down a role on the wildly popular Modern Family. He is quoted as saying the money just wasn’t good enough. The former Coach star did go on to snag up the next patriarchal role to come his way on Parenthood, leaving the living legend, Al Bundy himself, Ed O’Neill to step in a lead the 21st century family… as well as cuddle up to Sofia Vergara!

Dana Delaney as Carrie Bradshaw (Sex and the City)

Ms. Delaney passed on the iconic role because she didn’t want to be in a show about sex… then why audition for a show called SEX and the City!? And really, what show doesn’t have some element of sex in it. Hell, even Sesame Street has toyed with the idea of Bert and Ernie being romantically involved! Sarah Jessica Parker took the part and became a cosmopolitan swigging female hero. Honestly, I don’t even know who Delaney is…

Thomas Jane as Don Draper (Mad Men)

I’ve already professed my hatred for Mad Men and apparently Thomas Jane, The Punisher, agrees with me! He didn’t think an intellectual show on a channel (AMC) known for movie reruns would work. You win some, you lose some. Jon Hamm stepped in and gets to drink tons of whiskey, while being lauded for an incredibly awful show. Some guys have all the luck.

Michael Keaton as Jack Shepard (Lost)

I’ve never watched Lost, but Ma and Pa Sip were die-hard fans. Apparently the character of Jack was supposed to not live past the pilot episode. When writers changed their plans, the former Batman backed out, thus avoiding the most confusing plot in television history and likely countless headaches from trying to get an understanding of what was going on!

Drink #319: The Soprano

1.5 oz Bourbon
1.5 oz Amaretto (I used Disaronno)
0.5 oz Southern Comfort
Splash of Lemon Juice
Dash of Simple Syrup
Garnish with an Orange Wheel

Well, that wraps up our look at those that have turned down TV roles. I myself have turned down a couple characters in my childhood acting days: Bud Bundy on Married with Children; Zack Morris on Saved by the Bell, and Alf on, well Alf. Think of the money I’ve missed out on…

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
Early this year, I made The Godfather cocktail. This is the Americanized version of said drink, with the use of Bourbon and Southern Comfort. I liked the recipe, but those who aren’t fans of strong, liquor-heavy beverages might want to avoid it. It wasn’t overly heavy, but it was pretty potent.

November 12 – Zelda’s Lullaby

Posted on November 12, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Game Shark

A friend recently wrote to me and pointed out a glaring omission from the Sip Advisor library. While I’ve examined movies, spent a fair bit of time on TV, and even dabbled in the dark arts of travel, I have never done any work in the realm of video games. That is to be corrected in a two-part series on my favourite games and series of all-time. This one is for the nerd in all of us!

Legend of Zelda

The trials and tribulations of our hero Link, as he wages war on Ganondorf in an attempt to save Princess Zelda and keep the Tri-Force out of the hands of evil have been one of the greatest video game epics in history. While there have been many iterations of the franchise, my favourite are A Link to the Past (SNES) and Ocarina of Time (N64), perhaps the greatest video game experience I’ve ever had. Sadly, I started to play Twilight Princess (Wii) a couple years ago, but have found myself too busy to go back to the game.

Blades of Steel

This game is so awesome I can’t even begin to describe what Blades of Steel meant to me as a kid. As a young, aspiring hockey star, this was my first chance to ever take to the ice digitally and guide my team to championship glory. The game had it all: goals, saves, fighting, penalty shots, a shootout if overtime was necessary… you get the picture. When I downloaded a Nintendo emulator onto my computer a number of years back, the first title I searched out was Blades of Steel. This time, though, I got to sub beer in place of chocolate milk!

Peggle

This game takes the Japanese gambling parlour tradition of Pachinko and turns it into something both kids and adults can access and enjoy. One thing the gambling powers can’t provide (although Peggle doesn’t allow you to win money!) is characters who each have their own special power when you use them and access their specific skill. Even after beating the normal game, there were tons of challenges to work through and the fun just kept on going.

Super Mario Kart

The original Mario Kart was awesome, but I also thoroughly enjoyed the Wii entry as well, which required you to actually play with a steering wheel. Once you got the motions down, it was an awesome ride which made you feel more involved in the races. My favourite racer was the Koopa Trooper because I like to have a balance of speed and accurate turning. In the Wii game, I usually used my Mii character and I was awesome behind the wheel!

7 Wonders of the Ancient World

I’m a certified casual games match-three genius. Seriously, if you could go pro playing these games, I’d be the Wayne Gretzky of the genre. 7 Wonders was one of the first releases I picked up and I’m so glad I did. I find games like these keep your brain sharp, which counteracts all the damage I’ve done to the poor thing with drinking! There were two sequels to the original game, each offering a new gameplay style to switch things up.

Rock Band/Guitar Hero

When Mrs. Sip and I first heard about the Guitar Hero and later Rock Band franchises, it spurred us to go out and buy a Playstation 2 (after not owning a video game system for years) and get these musical games. We spent many nights with Mrs. Sip either rocking the guitar or microphone and me slamming away at the drums, usually downing copious amounts of alcohol, just like all of my drumming idols!

Mario Party

While I haven’t played every entry in this series (come on, there’s like 10 of them!) I’ve always enjoyed sitting around with a good group and battling it out in all the mini games to see who will obtain virtual board game glory. My win-loss record might not be great in the Mario Party world, but I always have fun regardless and you never really know who will come out ahead in the end thanks to the games “bonus stars” awarded once all the turns have expired.

Grand Theft Auto

I’m a law-abiding citizen… but that doesn’t mean it’s not fun to be a criminal in the fictional world of video games. I played all the GTA games up to San Andreas, with my favourite being the Vice City installment. There was just something so great about stealing cars and performing other underhanded tasks in the Miami beach setting to the greatest (and sometimes lamest) music of the 80’s!

Drink #316: Zelda’s Lullaby

1.5 oz Chambord
0.75 oz Vodka
Splash of Lemon Juice
Dash of Simple Syrup
Dash of Egg Whites
Garnish with a Lemon Twist

Sip Advisor 3:16 (drink #316) says I just got you drunk! Thanks for letting me borrow your famous line Stone Cold! Look out for part two of my favourite games tomorrow, including wrestling titles.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4.5 Sips out of 5):
Credit for this recipe goes to The Drunken Moogle, which is a great site for video game-themed drinks and other pop culture offerings. I was itching to make this cocktail for Mrs. Sip and the long wait made her enjoyment of the martini all that more amazing. Chambord is one of her favourite liquor ingredients, but that does not make a guaranteed success. Where the drink really works is that all the other ingredients come to play as well… like the flying-V in the Mighty Ducks movies!

November 10 – Movember Rain

Posted on November 10, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

‘Stache Central

In honour of all the dudes out there that are growing mustaches that make their partners less attracted to them, all in the name of raising awareness for men’s health, particularly prostate and testicular cancer, here’s a look at some of the greatest whiskers in the media world!

Magnum PI – Tom Selleck is so associated with his trademark facial hair that the network wouldn’t allow him to get rid of it for his role on Blue Bloods. Can you believe Selleck turned down the role of Mitch Buchannon (later went to David Hasselhoff) on Baywatch because he didn’t want to be a sex symbol… uh, hey Tom, too late, buddy!

Hulk Hogan – Hogan’s Fu-Manchu plays a vital role in his image as a do-gooder and leader of Hulkamaniacs everywhere. So much so, that when he finally became a bad guy and leader of the reprehensible New World Order, a dirty black beard was added to show he had fully embraced the dark side.

Ned Flanders – Everyone’s favoruite religious zealot has had many storylines center around his nose neighbour. Usually when Ned is forced to shave the facial hair, good things come his way. Surprisingly, when he refused to rid his upper lip of fur, the omnibenevolent one was labeled and rebel and troublemaker.

Yosemite Sam – Sam has such a wicked moustache that it actually encompasses his entire face, including around his eyes. Sam is a mentor of mine, as just like him, I am prone to obscenity-laced tirades when I’ve been outsmarted by a no-good varmint.

Captain Hook – Whether the cartoon character or the live action depiction by Dustin Hoffman, Captain Hook’s trademark cookie-duster is comical and to be feared all at the same time. If you were in his position, wouldn’t you also grow a mustache and do anything else to distract from the hooked hand!?

Snidely Whiplash/Boris Badenov/Dick Dastardly – It seems that back in the day, you couldn’t be an animated villain without sporting some sort of soup strainer. These are some of the most despicable dudes to ever exist and they evilness was only accentuated by their lower brow.

Ron Swanson – The man’s man of the Parks and Rec crew just wouldn’t carry the same respect if he was sans mustache. He is such an aficionado that he’s gone on to teach others how to grow a great mustache and NBC even has t-shirts with Swanson’s likeness available in their shop.

Mario, Luigi, Wario & Wailuigi – These four guys have a yearly competition to see who has the best lady tickler. My vote goes to Wario and his lightning bolt-esque flavour saver!

Machete – What would an anarchist assassin be without a badass ‘stache!? For Machete, the facial fur is all part of the look meant to strike fear in the hearts of those he is paid to dispose of.

Cleveland Brown – In flashbacks, it’s revealed that Cleveland has had a rockin’ ‘stache since his teenage years and when his son shaves it off in an act of revenge, we learn why. Apparently Brown’s voice is created thanks to the hairs and without the mustache, it sounds squeaky and pathetic.

Inspector Clouseau – Clouseau’s mustache was based off of fellow fictional investigator Hercule Poirot, but I’ll take the funny man over the more serious detective any day… providing it’s the Peter Sellers version and not the Steve Martin one.

Borat – I just can’t imagine Borat without his goofy lip foliage. The Kazakhstan journalist has been an inspiration to me and millions around the world, showing us all what lengths we should go to in order to get a story done.

Ron Burgundy – What would a 1970’s newsman be without an epic crumb catcher? In fact, some posters for the upcoming Anchorman sequel prominently focus on the icon’s mustache and that’s all you really need to know before going into the theatre!

J. Jonah Jameson – The Spiderman hater sports a push broom similar to one Adolf Hitler… could there be a connection there? I’m sure Spiderman and all his employees would think so.

Evil Abed/Evil Cartman/Evil Spock – For some reason, a character can be turned “evil” simply by adding facial hair to their usual look. I’ve experimented with this theory every Movember, by becoming a complete and total dick throughout the month!

Drink #314: Movember Rain

Muddle Berries and Mint Leaves
1 oz Vodka
0.5 oz Chambord
Top with half Grapefruit Juice and half Pineapple Juice
Splash of Lemon Juice
Dash of Simple Syrup
Garnish with Mint Leaves and a Berry

Who possesses your favourite upper lip caterpillar? Unfortunately, this is one area where you won’t all be shouting my name. I just can’t seem to grow great facial hair. Good, yes… but great… not for the Sip Advisor.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
There’s a lot going on in this cocktail and I think that detracts from the overall enjoyment on the drink. When you get a focused sip of the Chambord, for example, it’s very good. On other sips, however, you get a mix of different juices and so on and it’s hard to pinpoint a taste. I’m not a fan of weird, combined, unidentifiable flavours, so it’s too bad that happens in this recipe. I tried to make the mint leaves look like a moustache… mission accomplished!

September 30 – The Wink

Posted on September 30, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Near Misses

Here is part two of my investigative series looking at roles actors and actresses passed on that cost them millions of box office dollars, increased fame, and iconic characters and franchises. Let’s get right on with it!:

Johnny Depp – Ferris Bueller (Ferris Bueller’s Day Off)

Depp’s career could have been launched years before he finally broke through, or perhaps it could have fizzled out much like Matthew Broderick’s has. We’ll never really know, as Depp passed on the role of Ferris Bueller and all of his ditching class hijinks. Had he taken the role, perhaps Depp would have never developed into the eclectic actor he is today and we would have missed out on characters like Edward Scissorhands and Capt. Jack Sparrow.

Michelle Pfeiffer – Clarice Starling (Silence of the Lambs)

An Oscar could have been Pfeiffer’s prize if she had accepted the offer to play Clarice Starling in the wildly successful (both critically and financially) Silence of the Lambs. It’s not like Pfeiffer saw a drop in her career at that point, later playing Catwoman in Batman Returns, but she missed a rare chance to snatch up an elusive Oscar statue. It seems Pfeiffer made a career of turning down roles, including the female leads Pretty Woman, Basic Instinct, Thelma & Louise, and Evita, among others.

Jeremy Irons – Hannibal Lecter (Silence of the Lambs)

Sticking with Silence of the Lambs, Irons turned down the role of Hannibal Lecter because he found the script to be too violent. So, let me get this straight, it’s okay to voice an evil lion (Scar) who causes his own brother’s death and nearly his nephew’s, as well (in a kids movie, no less), but wearing the face of another human is not okay!? Irons missed out on a movie that swept the Oscars and is best remembered for being an animated kitty.

Hugh Jackman – James Bond (Casino Royale)

On top of playing everyone’s favourite adamantium-infused mutant, Jackman was also offered the role of iconic spy James Bond. He passed on the part, saying he wasn’t ready to hold down two so very notable characters at the same time… then went on to play freakin’ Jean Valjean! Okay, the Les Miserables protagonist isn’t on the same level as the other two, but I have to get something for sitting through that drudgery. On a positive note, Daniel Craig has been perfect as Bond, thus far.

Jackman as Bond could have worked!

Russell Crowe – Wolverine (X-Men)

Speaking of Wolfy, Crowe was originally pegged to play the age-unknown Logan/Wolverine. Rumour has it (or at least the rumour I made up) that Crowe was unable to grow the sideburns necessary for the character and therefore abandoned the project, not wanting to lose any legitimacy if he had used make-up or special effects instead. Crowe and Jackman would later play bitter enemies in Les Mis, with Crowe using his turned down role as inspiration for his hatred towards Jackman’s character.

Dave Chappelle – Bubba (Forrest Gump)

While he has since gone on to have a highly acclaimed TV show (as well as his highly-publicized meltdown and leaving said show), Chappelle was originally offered the role of Bubba in Forrest Gump. Had he taken the part, Chappelle would now have numerous restaurants around the United States in his honour. Perhaps he passed on the character because the slim comedian just couldn’t put back enough shrimp to justify Bubba’s obsession with the seafood.

Jake Gyllenhaal – Jake Sully (Avatar)

Gyllenhaal did finally get to play a cripple (spoiler alert) in Source Code, but he missed out on the Avatar money train and getting to be a computer animated blue guy fighting a mechanized army to save FernGully, the last rainforest. Sam Worthington snatched up the role, which he will reprise for 2016’s Avatar 2 (which has the working subtitle ‘Blue Man Group Rides Again’). It should be noted that Matt Damon also rejected the offer for Avatar.

Drink #273: The Wink

1 oz Gin (I used Tanqueray)
0.5 oz Triple Sec
0.25 oz Absinthe
Splash of Simple Syrup
Dash of Peychaud Bitters
Garnish with Lemon Twist

With all the hype recently about who turned down the male lead in 50 Shades of Grey and who eventually accepted the role, it will be interesting to see if there are any regrets in the future. Menopausal women love this garbage, so I smell a big money franchise.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (2 Sips out of 5):
This drink is pretty strong and bitter, with the Triple Sec and Simple Syrup only able to do so much to sweeten the mix. After some ice dilution, the cocktail tasted slightly better. It was nice to finally use the Peychaud Bitters Mrs. Sip picked up for me in New Orleans, but I hope to find better recipes to use it in, in the future.

September 19 – Daiquiri

Posted on September 19, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Rum-stravaganza

There are a lot of rum memes out there and I’ve narrowed it down to the best of the lot. Once again, I do it for all you little sippers… free of charge!

As I’ve written before, I often get an odd look when I’m pouring myself a drink in the early hours of the day. I personally see nothing wrong with a nip in the morning. Call it the breakfast of champions, if you will. At least now I know I’m not alone and I properly belong as an audio-animatronic on Pirates of the Caribbean!

I’ve always felt akin to felines and now I know we share the same feelings on rum and the fear of discovering it’s all gone. Luckily, I always keep a thorough stock of the spirit, usually in a variety of styles and flavours. Relax little kitty, you’re always welcome to come party with the Sip Advisor!

I hate running… but if I saw a group of people running with the thoughts that we were all chasing down some sweet liquor, I’d be right at the head of the group and doing everything I could, Wacky Races style, to finish first. Like this meme, though, the minute I learned everyone was just going for a jog, I’d quietly disappear!

Now this is my kind of exercise. Bringing your glass routinely to your lips is a form of bicep curls and if you’re constantly getting up and down to make a new beverage, that could be looked at as doing squats. Finally, drinking while also not dying can be thought of as breathing exercises, and now you’re getting a full body workout!

We can learn a lot from our elders, particularly this wise meme lady. I need to do a better job of having contingency liquor. Right now, I have everything in one basic spot and that’s not planning ahead properly. Most importantly, everyone should have one bottle stashed in their bedroom in case they don’t feel like getting out of bed!

Drink #262: Daiquiri

1.5 oz Light Rum (I used Bacardi)
Splash of Lime Juice
Dash of Simple Syrup
Garnish with a Lime Wheel

Today we drink the daiquiri, one of the world’s most noble cocktails. Join me, won’t you!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
Last month, I included the Wildberry Daiquiri as part of Frozen Cocktail Week, but it’s such a classic cocktail, it had to be done for Rum Week, as well. This version isn’t too bad, but there’s not a whole lot going on and the Light Rum taste isn’t masked as well as most might hope for. I like my drinks to play on the strong side, so that’s okay with me, but other’s might want to hesitate.

August 7 – Undercover Squirrel

Posted on August 7, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Dicks

I often try to match the subject matter of a post to the name of the featured cocktail… but with a drink called the Undercover Squirrel, what is a liquor deviant supposed to do? Therefore, I decided to write about a topic very close to my heart: the greatest detectives. I love me a good mystery and these sleuths are some of the best!

Columbo

I grew up watching Columbo and his inverted mystery adventures where you know who the killer is all along and the fun comes in how the good Lieutenant trips them up with his idiosyncrasies and constant hounding. The disheveled, but always polite homicide detective was known for his catchphrase “Just one more thing,” which usually signaled he had a prime suspect in mind and all he had to do was reel them in.

Sherlock Holmes

With Sherlock Holmes, the game is always afoot and the adventures for this crime solver are seemingly endless thanks to all the different incarnations of the character. Currently, there is a movie franchise and two TV series (starring Robert Downey, Jr., Benedict Cumberbatch, and Jonny Lee Miller, respectively) focused on Holmes. The legendary detective has provided inspiration to many of the other entries on this list.

Jessica Fletcher

I don’t think anyone has been surrounded by so much death and homicide than the Murder, She Wrote author, Jessie Fletcher. It seems everywhere she goes, from her sleepy hometown of Cabot Cove to travels around the world results in someone losing their life. I think a great finale to the show would have been revealing that Fletcher was in fact a Dexter-esque serial killer or perhaps she was Death itself!

Thomas Magnum

Private investigator Thomas Magnum may be the luckiest man alive. He gets to live in an expansive Hawaiian estate, free of cost; drive hot cars around the island, also free of cost; and meet a bevy of beautiful, tropical women… that might cost a little bit. All he has to do in his spare time is solve the odd theft, kidnapping, or murder and he gets to live in paradise. Plus, he has one of the best theme songs known to man!

Inspector Jacques Clouseau

The bumbling imbecile and lead of the Pink Panther movies may have his heart in the right place as he tries valiantly to be a good officer of the law, but his ineptness always shines through. How much of a screw-up is Clouseau? He has even driven his superior into a state of madness, as the former Chief Inspector designed a doomsday device with the core intention to kill Clouseau.

Scooby Doo and the Gang

Travelling the country in the legendary Mystery Machine, Fred, Daphne, Velma, Shaggy, and Scooby are often thrust into a mystery and have to solve it while being chased and spooked by any number of scary monsters, usually in rumoured-to-be-haunted settings. The crew always prevail in the end, unmasking some villainous individual who was looking to capitalize on some local urban legend. It should be noted that Scooby and company narrowly edged out the Rescue Rangers for the animated sleuth team entry.

Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk is an ex-homicide detective, who was forced to leave the police after the murder of his wife, which triggered an extreme obsessive compulsive disorder and various phobias. He now works closely with the San Francisco Police Department as a consultant and usually outshines his fellow cops by solving every murder that the team is investigating.

Ace Ventura

The pet detective, Ace Ventura doesn’t play by the rules… in fact, he probably doesn’t even know what they are. Ventura is more than just a pet detective; he’s a lover of animals and is able to form a special bond with many of the creatures he is trying to rescue. This character launched the career of Jim Carrey and the first movie was a childhood favourite of mine. Never forget, friends: laces out…

Drink #219: Undercover Squirrel

Muddle Mint Leaves
1.25 oz Pear Vodka (I used Absolut)
0.5 oz Galliano
Splash of Lime Juice
Dash of Simple Syrup
Top with Cranberry Juice
Sprinkle of Cinnamon
Garnish with Mint Leaf

Damn, there were a lot of private detective type shows in the 80’s. Along with Magnum P.I., which I included above, I was forced to leave out such classics as Jim Rockford, A.J. and Rick Simon, and Remington Steele (with partner Laura Holt). A great movie to look out for if you can find it is Murder by Death, which spoofs many classic detectives including Sam Spade, Nick and Nora Charles, Hercule Poirot, Miss Marple, and Charlie Chan.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4.5 Sips out of 5):
What a fantastic drink with a number or rarely used ingredients. I have to say that Mint may be my favourite item to use in cocktails, as it always provides a unique and wonderful taste. The Cinnamon worked really well with the Galliano to add a beautiful note of vanilla and spice.

August 6 – The Three Ladies

Posted on August 6, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

All the Right Moves

I wish I had the skills these dudes have at making women swoon for them. Don’t get me wrong, I’m no slouch, but it’s not like I can ever claim to have bedded three girls in the same movie or dated a menagerie of playmates all at the same time. I have, however, been named ‘Sexiest Man Alive’ by People Magazine, so I got that going for me! Here are the world’s finest Ladies Men:

Leon Phelps, The Ladies’ Man

The Saturday Night Live sketch character was always known to be surrounded by beautiful ladies, a roaring fire, and his snifter filled with Courvoisier Cognac (today’s featured alcohol). In this setting, the Ladies’ Man often waxed philosophical about how to treat a lady and efficiently get them into bed with you. While some question his techniques, the man speaks from experience.

James Bond

When not saving the world from a megalomaniac baddie, Double-0-7 can usually be found between the sheets with any number of beautiful women. His trysts never last long though, as his interest turns on him, is killed by a henchman or villain, or simply disappears with the beginning of a new mission and adventure. All that lovin’ and he doesn’t have to deal with any emotional mess… lucky bastard!

Austin Powers

The ‘International Man of Mystery’, Austin Powers, uses his mojo to shag just as many women as his inspiration, James Bond. While chasing down the diabolical Dr. Evil, Powers’ escapades present him with ample opportunity to work his magic on the fairer sex. His laundry list of bedmates includes Vanessa Kensington, Felicity Shagwell, and Foxxy Cleopatra. Best of all, he’s been able to land ladies across decades thanks to being frozen and his time travel exploits.

George Clooney

Cloontang was named People Magazine’s ‘Sexiest Man Alive’ in both 1997 and 2006, as well as TV Guide’s ‘Sexiest Star of All-Time,’ and the perennial bachelor has dated an endless list of the world’s most attractive women. From former wrestling personality Stacy Keibler to the future Mrs. John Travolta (Kelly Preston), Clooney has wooed them all.

Not sure if this falls under the ‘Sexiest Man Alive’ category!

Barney Stinson

Barney Stinson knows all the tricks in the book (he even wrote a couple guides) to make women fall for him instantly. Neil Patrick Harris gained the role thanks to playing a greatly exaggerated version of himself in the Harold and Kumar series of movies. Ironically, the Stinson womanizing character is a total contrast to NPH’s real life, where he is a monogamous gay man.

Val Venis

Wrestling’s most notable ladies’ man burst onto the scene in 1998 and quickly made a reputation for himself, wooing a number of fellow wrestler’s wives, girlfriends, valets, and even a rival’s sister. The porn star character would then make films with these girls, sending his opponents into a rage long before they met in the ring. An attempted castration of Venis was even attempted after he stole the wife of Mr. Yamaguchi. Yes, this actually happened on live TV!

Yes, there was actually a castration scene in professional wrestling…

Sterling Archer

Despite being a total dick, Archer has a way with the ladies. Perhaps it’s because he’s completely, 100% awesome! How can you not fall in love with a guy who drinks as much as he does and still functions at a secret agent level of ability? Sure he’s a little rough around the edges, but women are always looking for a fixer-upper and in Archer, you have the best of all worlds.

Hugh Hefner

The media magnate responsible for Playboy magazine has led a storied life full of beautiful women, often finding himself being shared by multiple females at the same time… and they’re usually girls that could be his great granddaughter! He’s currently married to a young lass 60 years his junior. Every guy dreams of hanging out at the Playboy Mansion grotto, surrounded by a bevy of lovely ladies and we have ol’ Hef to thank for that.

Drink #218: The Three Ladies

1 oz Courvoisier Cognac
0.5 oz Triple Sec
Splash of Lemon Juice
Splash of Club Soda
Dash of Simple Syrup
Dash of Angostura Bitters
Garnish with Lime Wedges and Mint Leaves

We’ve all learned a lot from these individuals and it’s time to put our knowledge to the test. Oh, Mrs. Sip, where are you? It’s time to play! Now where could she be hiding? Until next time…

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
There’s not much to this cocktail, but it still manages to be refreshing and flavourful, while remaining light. The Cognac comes through nicely for a fine finish.

August 1 – New York Cocktail

Posted on August 1, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

New York Minute

Today we continue our hurried travels around New York City. There’s much more to do, so let’s get right down to it: Live from New York, it’s Sip Advisor Live!

Go to the Statue of Liberty

The iconic symbol of freedom and hope with the start of a new life, this statute is what many immigrants were greeted with when arriving from overseas to New York at Ellis Island to be processed into the country. It has remained a national treasure, gracing everything from sports jerseys to American coins. The French should be commended for such a nice gift.

Eat at Famous Restaurants

New York is home to a number of world-renowned eateries, in varying ranges of price and style. There’s Katz’s Deli, ‘21’ Club, Café Noir, Lanza’s, Lenny’s Pizza, and Sardi’s (famous for the caricatures of countless celebrities, which adorn the walls of this joint), all of which have appeared in numerous movies and TV shows.

Do a TV Tour of the City

So many popular shows were filmed in New York: Seinfeld, Sex in the City, Friends, How I Met Your Mother. Many of the locations highlighted in these series are incorporated into tours, allowing fans to reminisce about their favourite moments and characters. The Sex and the City tour even includes Cosmopolitan cocktails!

Attend Madison Square Garden

While we enjoyed a baseball game at Yankee Stadium yesterday, today we scout out New York’s other sports options. Whether it’s hockey with the Rangers, basketball with the Knicks or professional wrestling (MSG has long been considered WWE’s ‘home turf’), there’s much to choose from. Notable concerts have also taken place at the site, including six sold out dates for Led Zeppelin on their 1977 tour!

See a Concert/Comedy Show

With so many famous venues (Carnegie Hall, Apollo Theatre, Radio City Music Hall, etc.) you’re bound to stumble upon a great show and perhaps even see some entertainers before they hit the big time. In the comedy realm, I’ve heard the Upright Citizens Brigade is a popular attraction. The troupe has launched the careers of Amy Poehler and Horatio Sanz, among others.

Have Some Fun at Coney Island

If Coney Island is anything similar to the Santa Monica Pier, then I know Mrs. Sip and I will have a good time. Carnivals along the water provide ample opportunity for fun, amazing eats, and booze. You might even get to participate in the annual Fourth of July hot dog eating competition, although I wouldn’t recommend it.

Visit Times Square

Home to one of the biggest New Year’s Eve bashes every year, Times Square is a sight to behold even when it’s not packed with millions of people waiting for the big ball to drop. Personally, I wouldn’t be comfortable amongst a crowd of that size, so I’ll go on a normal day when it’s still infested with travelers gawking at all the cool signs, restaurants, stores, and other entertainment.

Hmmm… starting to regret going to Times Square!

Ride the Subway System

You’ve not truly visited New York until you’ve hopped aboard its underground trains. Hopefully you don’t have to deal with a Taking of Pelham 123 hostage situation or post-apocalyptic warfare, as depicted in The Warriors. Fingers crossed you only have to encounter some homeless people, a thug or two, and the occasional wafting smell of urine.

Take a Stroll through Central Park

The option of a horse drawn carriage through the park also exists, but a leisurely stroll around the massive grounds would suffice. Dedicating some time to visiting the Central Park Zoo would also be a priority. It’s crazy how much activity is going on in this park. Perhaps you’d even get to experience the “real” Harlem shake and get mugged!

Drink #213: New York Cocktail

2 oz Canadian Whiskey (I used Crown Royal)
Splash of Lime Juice
Dash of Simple Syrup
1 tsp of Grenadine
Garnish with Apple Slice

Sadly, New York is not in our immediate plans, despite my constant insistence on doing an east coast holiday. Feel free to start a letter writing campaign on my behalf to get Mrs. Sip to change her mind!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (2.5 Sips out of 5):
I find it slightly odd that the New York Cocktail specifically requires a ‘Canadian’ Whiskey, but I guess the American hub isn’t too far away from the Canadian border. I don’t understand why recipes always overvalue Lemon and Lime Juice measurements. It makes these juices stand out too strong and the cocktail becomes too tart. Once the drink diluted a little, it was decent, but not worthy of repeat servings.

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