April 10 – Milestone

Posted on April 10, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

A Toast to Us!

This is a big one; we’ve hit the 100^th drink in Sip Advisor history. To celebrate this momentous occasion, I hereby introduce to you the first ever Sip Advisor awards!

Everyone is decked out in his and her best attire, the bubbly is flowing (literally!) and the paparazzo is snapping a ton of pictures… I think they just caught one of my infamous crotch shots. I smell another tabloid settlement! Let’s get on with the award ceremony:

Best Site Searches

It’s so funny seeing the various avenues people take to find this epic site. Some of the most bizarre crossovers seem to bring visitors here and I’m not sure whether I should be flattered or fearful. Nope, I know the answer to that… definitely fearful!

Nominees: babs bunny buster bunny bugs bunny toon sex; how do i get a blow job at new york new york las vegas; sexy frauline lederhosen photo; can get blood clots from getting a purple nurple; babysitteres gone bad; all dogs go to heaven porn

Winner: how do I get a blow job at new york new york las vegas – I knew the Vegas Blowjob shot would get us in trouble! I only hope this lad found his answer… I’m personally still searching!

Best Garnish

In my opinion, garnishing a drink is what completes any recipe. It is only a good drink until you give it some companionship in the form of a wedge, chunk, slice, rim or other non-denominational comrade. As you will see by the nominees below, this award is rim dominated (how kinky!).

Nominees: Crushed Froot Loops, Raspberry Jam, Crème Egg/Sprinkles

Winner: Crème Egg/Sprinkles (used on Crème Egg) – this rim is so fun to lick off the glass afterwards… probably better than the drink itself!

Behind-the-Scenes Biggest Mistake

I’m not perfect (although the ladies beg to differ) and some things don’t go according to plan while I’m at the office trying to come up with wicked cocktails for you, my little sippers. Sure, the end product looks fantastic, but along the way, there has been a couple misses, en route to cocktail glory.

Nominees: Pineapple Juice gone bad, Key Lime Pie recipe missing Galliano, Flatliner foul-ups (I had to make and drink three!)

Winner: Key Lime Pie – Galliano isn’t an ingredient in any of the traditional recipes, but I chose to add it for a special flavour… then I forgot to add it entirely when I first made the drink!

Most Difficult Drink

Not every drink we’ve made for Sip Nation has been easy-peasy. Some have, in fact, been quite difficult and taken a couple attempts to master. Others have been a pain in the butt because of how messy the results were.

Nominees: Groundhog’s Shadow, Pretty Vegas, Flatliner

Winner: Groundhog’s Shadow – it took numerous versions to get one that looked even remotely like a groundhog and we suffered numerous defeats (layers that did not layer, groundhogs that did not stay in the ground or were too hard to see) before we found one that looked somewhat like what we were going for and tasted decent.

Best Photo

This award might as well be presented to Mrs. Sip, who has taken a majority of the pictures that have been nominated. Cheap plug: all you little sippers should check out our Gallery page to see all the good work done by our art department.

Nominees: Cosmopolitan, Breakfast of Champions, Crème Egg

Winner: Cosmopolitan – I’m still not sure how this photo came together, but it’s pretty wicked and my personal favourite!

Top Shot

One of my favourite features of the 365-day drink challenge has been Super Saturday Shot Day. It’s been fun switching things up every weekend and putting together a usually delicious shooter to throw back.

Nominees: On the Cusp, Tootsie Roll, Windshield Wiper Fluid

Winner: On the Cusp – like I could pick anything else when this was the shot I, THE Sip Advisor, created for Mrs. Sip’s birthday! (and after all, I don’t want to end up sleeping on the couch!)

Best Drink

This is the big one of the night. Another category that was very hard to narrow down, but using a complex algorithm (just spelling that word seems like it needs its own complex algorithm), I’ve whittled down the choices. In actuality, I went on the basis that these were drinks I quickly made doubles of because I enjoyed them so much.

Nominees: Limestone Breeze, PAMA-Jama, Blue Razz Buzz

Winner: Pama-Jama – all good candidates, but this is a drink I now crave often! Disagree? Let me know!

Drink #100: Milestone (A Sip Advisor Original Recipe)

0.5 oz PAMA Pomegranate Liqueur
0.5 oz Cointreau
Dash of Lemon Juice
Top with Champagne
Garnish with Berries on a Spear

So, there you have it, the first Sip Advisor awards. I’d like to thank the viewers who have visited the site from 72 countries around the world. We will do this again at drink #200, so join us for all the fun and mayhem the next 100 drinks will surely hold!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
This original recipe was pretty good. I enjoyed using PAMA Pomegranate Liqueur again even with the addition of champagne (not one of my favourite alcohols), the overall product was worthy of a milestone post.

March 9 – Breakfast of Champions

Posted on March 9, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Slogan-O’s

Cereal and advertising slogans go hand-in-hand. All of us remember them from our childhood, when breakfast mascots seemed to rule the world. Today, many of these jingles and mascots have gone the way of the dodo, so let’s give them one more chance in the sun. Thanks for the memories!

“The cereal shot from guns” – Quaker Puffed Rice

The officially-licensed breakfast of the NRA. Why not have a bowl, thus justifying the need for firearms in every home.

“Brings out the tiger in you, in you!” – Frosted Flakes

So does hockey, naked women, Texas hold’em poker (because I always lose the allowance Mrs. Sip provides me), go-kart racing, and afternoon naps! Tony the Tiger, I am not, however.

“Stays crunchy, even in milk!” – Cap’n Crunch

This is the cereal equivalent to McDonald’s food not decomposing months after being served…

“Can’t get enough of that Sugar Crisp.” – Sugar Crisp

Yeah, actually I can. I never liked Sugar Crisp. It just tasted funny to me. Sugar Bear was pretty cool, though. He seemed like a total junkie, always needing his fix!

“A is for Apple. J is for Jacks.” – Apple Jacks

Thanks for teaching me how to spell Monsieur Apple Jacks (sounds like it could be a French name, although I guess it would be Apple Jacques)… especially when cereals like Quisp have a catchphrase like “Quisp for Quazy energy.” At least one company isn’t dropping the education ball.

“Snap! Crackle! Pop!” – Rice Krispies

It’s like the cereal is talking to me, man. Seriously, Rice Krispies must be responsible for a number of mental patient and drug-induced freakouts.

“Follow my nose. It always knows.” – Froot Loops

Unfortunately, Toucan Sam isn’t the same tracking bird he once was. A combination of old age and a terrible cocaine addiction have left the poor guy without the ability to sniff out Froot Loops. His nephews (Puey, Susey and Louis – what a rip-off of Huey, Dewey and Louie) have taken over in his absence, but as with most other things, this new generation of cereal hunters just don’t have the drive, passion or respect to live up to Sam’s legacy.

“I’m coo-coo for Cocoa Puffs!” – Cocoa Puffs

Sonny Cuckoo is a fiend for Cocoa Puffs. He is the high-strung opposite of Sugar Bear’s laidback stoner ways. The kind of bird that commits violent crimes to procure the money he needs for his habit.

“They’re Magically Delicious!” & “They’re Always After Me Lucky Charms!” – Lucky Charms

Pissing-off Irish and leprechaun-looking people for years, the fine folks at Lucky Charms are now being forced to pay reparations to the Emerald Isle; its angry, drunken citizens; and the United Union of Leprechauns. These are people you really don’t want to mess with.

“Silly Rabbit, Trix are for kids!” – Trix

You know the Trix Rabbit actually got to eat the cereal once. There was a write-in vote cast (one that I paid more attention to than any government election I’ve ever had to suffer through) that saw kids get to choose whether or not the “Silly Rabbit” would finally get his hands on the fruity breakfast. He won the vote, restoring my faith that all kids aren’t dicks and got to eat one bowl of Trix before going back to being a perennial loser.

“Gotta have my pops!” – Corn Pops

To a generation of obese kids today(most likely thanks to foods just like Corn Pops), this slogan just means they want another Diet Coke (worse for you than normal Coke, of course). I can’t help but notice Corn Pop’s grammar sucks, too… what do you expect when all kids can do nowadays is text short-form words and barely have the attention span to get through an episode of some Japanimation garbage on their tablet.

“The Breakfast of Champions” – Wheaties

This slogan will remain false until my picture is plastered on the box, as I am a reigning four-time liquor champion of the world. Our sport just isn’t given the respect it deserves.

“I vant to eat your cereal!” – Count Chocula

How in the world is Count Chocula still more of a badass than those losers from Twilight?

“It tastes like a chocolate milkshake, only crunchy!” – Cocoa Krispies

What’s wrong with a crunchy chocolate shake, I ask? Are you saying that I don’t make good milkshakes just because they’re a little crunchy? Well, my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, so suck it! And how come Snap, Crackle and Pop weren’t African-American for these Cocoa Krispies ads?

“They’re A-B-C-Delicious.” – Alpha-Bits

It was Alpha-Bits that first stoked the fires for me to become a writer. A very young Sip Advisor used to take his bowl of cereal and write prize-winning blogs for Mama and Papa Sip. I was paid in chocolate chip cookies… that and stock options.

“We eat what we like.” – Apple Jacks

Oh man, this could get dirty. You know what, I’m going to take the high road and let sleeping dogs lie. The Sip Advisor is growing up!

“How do they cram in all that graham?” – Golden Grahams

It’s simple arithmetic: you calculate the square root of the graham, divided by the hypotenuse of the golden and then you know how much you can cram. Don’t need a Nobel Prize in Mathematics to figure that out.

Drink #68: Breakfast of Champions

Rim glass with crushed Froot Loops
1 oz Three Olives Loopy Vodka
0.5 oz Milk
Garnish with Froot Loops

I finally got to try the Loopy (Froot Loops-flavoured) Vodka, thanks to Cousin Sip bringing it around to The Sip Advisor employee retreat. Next year’s team building event will be for everyone to stay home and spend the weekend in their pajamas. I’m the best boss in the world!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
My only regret with this shot is that the Froot Loops, when crushed, lose their wonderful colour and kind of become a normal brownish cereal colour. Still, the whole appearance looks great and the shooter is delicious.

February 23 – Berry Delight

Posted on February 23, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Rim Jobs

One of my favourite ways to complete the aesthetics of a cocktail is to give it a good rimming. Apparently the network isn’t too happy with me terming it that way… don’t really understand why. And, actually, I shouldn’t say it’s how I complete the drink, as it’s usually the starting point… let’s call it a thorough round of foreplay. Oh, now I see the issue!

I like to use anything that will stick to a glass, no holds barred style. With today’s cocktail, I used strawberry pop rocks. In the past, I’ve used anything from salt (perfect for margaritas) to coconut shavings to cinnamon sugar. And over the rest of this blog’s run, I will continue to experiment with other substances: cocaine, cereal, gravel, etc.

For those who are inexperienced rimmers (we can’t all be experts at the rimming arts), there are a few techniques that will help you put together the best looking cocktail. Here are some tips:

First, coat the rim of your glass with something sticky that will hold whatever you want to stick to it. You can use lemon or lime juice or different syrups (simple syrup in particular is handy).

Most rimming sets have you dunk your glass upside down into whatever liquid you’ve chosen to use and then into whatever rim you want to achieve.

Some people will only rim the outside of a glass, so as not to disturb the drink inside. You can accomplish this by dipping you glass at a 45-degree angle into the liquid, spinning so only the outside of the glass is coated. Then do the same with the rim ingredient. For this, you might want to use small plates, rather than a rimming set.

Note: Those are not the Sip Advisor’s hands… mine are sexier!

Make sure that your rimming material isn’t so heavy that it will not hold. I’ve had issues with rock salt and crushed candy cane bits before. The lighter the item, the more likely it will adhere to the rim coating.

Once the rim is complete, you can use a moist paper towel to clean up the edges and remove anything that has fallen into the glass, if you want a clean cut look. Be careful adding any garnish to the glass, so as not to disturb your work of art.

If serving to friends, you could choose to only rim half the glass in case guests don’t want to taste the rim contents with each sip. Otherwise, they can man (or woman) up, take the first sip with the rim and drink every subsequent sip in the same spot… wussies.

Now let’s feel the snap, crackle and pop of today’s rimming. Satisfaction ALWAYS guaranteed.

Drink #54: Berry Delight (A Sip Advisor Original Recipe)

Rim glass with Strawberry Pop Rocks
1 oz Raspberry Vodka
0.5 oz Cranberry Ginger Ale

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
This was a relatively plain shot, so I took it upon myself to add the Pop Rock rim, which was fun to eat even after the liquor was already down the hatch.

February 2 – Groundhog’s Shadow

Posted on February 2, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

My Nightmare

In the 1993 movie Groundhog Day, Bill Murray is forced to repeat the same day over and over again until he gets it right. Here’s a version of that same premise starring everybody’s favourite superhero, The Sip Advisor.

I’m awoken abruptly, voices coming through the thin walls of our resort hotel (I know, a resort hotel isn’t the best setting for a nightmare, but just wait, all will be explained). The clock reads 7:30am and I can never understand why people feel the need to have loud conversations that early in the morning. Seriously, when my wife and I wake up that early on the very rare occasion that we have to, it’s like we communicate in sign language. I motion that I’d like a little morning action, she shoots me down swiftly with a wave of her hand and I’m off to the bathroom to get ready for the day!

Next part of the nightmare: We get to the 24-hour buffet and every food item is out and the staff has no plans to replace them. There are rumours of a revolt, guests storming the kitchens to take whatever they can find. One basket of tortilla chips is brought out and the server is ambushed. I try to get my hands on at least one chip, but my efforts are fruitless. I walk away with multiple chips cuts and the salt stings my wounds. I suffer a black eye as well, as Mrs. Sip Advisor takes the opportunity to get a shot in, probably for all the attempts at morning fun over the years. She doesn’t understand that I would have shared the chip I was fighting for with her.

A news brief comes on the TV informing us that all kittens in the world have been eliminated, thanks to a new worldwide law passed by the pro-dog lobby (actually made up of famous dogs, including Lassie, the ghost of Old Yeller and Eddie from Frasier). I shed a tear, but the worst is yet to come. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking: there could be something worse than no more kitties!?!?

So, no sleeping in, no food, and no kitties, but I’m still not panicking yet. I head over to the bar and, you guessed it, they are all out of liquor!!! There’s not a drop in the house. My pupils dilate, blood pressure rises and I go into fight or flight mode. I’m throwing bartenders into the nearby pool, smashing bottles over my head and squirting lemon and lime juice into guest’s eyes. It’s complete chaos as I go on my rampage.

Finally, I am subdued, thanks to a clubbing blow to the back of the head. When I wake up, it’s 7:30am again and the neighbours are yelling… or are they just having a normal conversation. It’s so hard to tell when you can’t understand what they’re saying.

I am released from the Groundhog Day cycle when I learn to embrace a world with no liquor, early wake-ups, a lack of buffet food and a kitten-less existence. That’s the real nightmare!

Drink #33: Groundhog’s Shadow Shot (a Sip Advisor original creation)

Pour a dollop of chocolate syrup at the bottom of the glass
Stick gummy bear (acting as gummy groundhog) in syrup
1.5 oz Galliano to fill glass

I tried finding a Groundhog Day-themed drink that already existed, but when none satisfied me, I made my own. Sounds like a euphemism for most people’s sex lives. The chocolate syrup is the earth, the groundhog’s home and the Galliano is the sun greeting the little critter, encouraging him to rise to the surface. The gummy bear is the tiny fella sticking his nose above ground to meet the brand new day.

Did he see his shadow, causing him to retreat to his underground dwelling and making humans believe they will have to suffer through six more weeks of winter? Or did he stay above the surface, signaling an early spring to come. With this shot, we’ll never really find out, so that means eternal winter… kind of like Game of Thrones! Awesome, drinking with Tyrion Lannister!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (2.5 Sips out of 5):
Where to begin with breaking down this drink? I tried a couple different mixes and ways to get that damn gummy bear to look decent and kept on getting tripped up by various issues. The Galliano make-up of the shooter might have completely saved it.

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