June 14 – Who’s Ya Daddy?

Father Knows Best

Much like we did for Mother’s Day last month, for Father’s Day, we’ll take a peek at some of the worst hombres out there, so we can truly appreciate the male role models in our life. Here are the Top 5 worst dads:

#5: George Bluth, Sr. – Arrested Development

The patriarch of the Bluth family is a prime culprit for why his children have turned out to be so rotten. Sure, mother Lucille isn’t that much better and is perhaps even worse, but George has played a significant role in ruining his kid’s lives. I mean, the series basically kicks off with his arrest for shady business practices and he spends most of the series behind bars or on the run. George’s son Gob could even make the list, although for a long time, Gob didn’t even know he was a father. The problem, is that when he learned of his son’s existence, he still didn’t do much to have a relationship with him and instead carried on in his normal selfish fashion.

George Bluth

#4: Peter Griffin – Family Guy

Forget his complete stupidity and lack of compassion, Peter Griffin is a horrible father in every way possible. The way he treats his daughter Meg, in particular, is criminal (although admittedly, occasionally funny). Peter’s own dad – or at least who he thought was his biological father – was mean-spirited and neglectful to him and it seems Francis Griffin’s childrearing techniques have been passed down a generation. While he seems to mostly get along with his sons Chris and Stewie, they have also been at odds over various issues, as well. Somehow they still find a way to love the dope and thus we have the Family Guy.

#3: Darth Vader – Star Wars

So, first this guy slices off his son’s hand and then drops the bombshell on him that he’s his father! That’s some top-notch caretaking there. It should also be noted that all Darth Vader wants to do is swing Luke Skywalker over to the dark side. That’s like fathers in this day in age bringing their children along for drive-by shootings and bank robberies. Sure, he finally redeems himself a little before his death, but your general silence towards your children pushes them into an unwittingly incestuous moment. I never knew the Star Wars empire resembled that of the backwoods, but apparently it’s not that far off… just look at the Ewoks!

Darth Vader Father

#2: Tywin Lannister – Game of Thrones

There is some good competition for worst father on this show and an entire list could be compiled based on the father figures presented. Tywin Lannister tops them all, though, thanks to his range of bad deeds and prominence in the series. He is quick to pit his children against each other and disregards their feelings if they don’t jive with his aspirations of improving the family name and place in the realm. His abuse of his imp son Tyrion is particularly disturbing as he seems constantly ashamed of Tyrion because of his appearance (as if he can control how he was born) and how it might reflect on him and the family’s standing.

#1: Vince McMahon – World Wrestling Entertainment

While he could very well be the best father in the world off-camera, on screen, Vince McMahon (or Mr. McMahon as he prefers to be known) has been awful towards both his children, as well as his wife, feuding with each of them at one point or another. It’s no wonder that both of his kin have turned on him and even worked together to try and drive him out of business. Shane and Stephanie certainly have their own faults, but the lengths Vince has gone to in order to antagonize his enemies, at the expense of his children, has been psychopathic. He even had daughter Stephanie put up as a blood sacrifice to The Undertaker and fought Shane in a Street Fight.

Super Saturday Shot Day: Who’s Ya Daddy?

Who's Ya Daddy? Shot

  • Rim glass with Caramel Syrup
  • 0.75 oz Cognac
  • 0.75 oz Kahlua

I just want to wish Pa Sip a very happy Father’s Day and thank him for not using any of the men listed above as inspiration! To all the other prod papas out there, enjoy your day and make sure the next generation doesn’t drop the ball!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
This shot was everything you would expect from mixing Cognac and Kahlua together. It was smooth and a little sweet. I used a simple Caramel Syrup rim because dad’s aren’t flashy and this classy shooter deserved an equally refined presentation.

February 2 – Groundhog’s Shadow

My Nightmare

Nightmare

In the 1993 movie Groundhog Day, Bill Murray is forced to repeat the same day over and over again until he gets it right. Here’s a version of that same premise starring everybody’s favourite superhero, The Sip Advisor.

I’m awoken abruptly, voices coming through the thin walls of our resort hotel (I know, a resort hotel isn’t the best setting for a nightmare, but just wait, all will be explained). The clock reads 7:30am and I can never understand why people feel the need to have loud conversations that early in the morning. Seriously, when my wife and I wake up that early on the very rare occasion that we have to, it’s like we communicate in sign language. I motion that I’d like a little morning action, she shoots me down swiftly with a wave of her hand and I’m off to the bathroom to get ready for the day!

Next part of the nightmare: We get to the 24-hour buffet and every food item is out and the staff has no plans to replace them. There are rumours of a revolt, guests storming the kitchens to take whatever they can find. One basket of tortilla chips is brought out and the server is ambushed. I try to get my hands on at least one chip, but my efforts are fruitless. I walk away with multiple chips cuts and the salt stings my wounds. I suffer a black eye as well, as Mrs. Sip Advisor takes the opportunity to get a shot in, probably for all the attempts at morning fun over the years. She doesn’t understand that I would have shared the chip I was fighting for with her.

A news brief comes on the TV informing us that all kittens in the world have been eliminated, thanks to a new worldwide law passed by the pro-dog lobby (actually made up of famous dogs, including Lassie, the ghost of Old Yeller and Eddie from Frasier). I shed a tear, but the worst is yet to come. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking: there could be something worse than no more kitties!?!?

Kitty

So, no sleeping in, no food, and no kitties, but I’m still not panicking yet. I head over to the bar and, you guessed it, they are all out of liquor!!! There’s not a drop in the house. My pupils dilate, blood pressure rises and I go into fight or flight mode. I’m throwing bartenders into the nearby pool, smashing bottles over my  head and squirting lemon and lime juice into guest’s eyes. It’s complete chaos as I go on my rampage.

Finally, I am subdued, thanks to a clubbing blow to the back of the head. When I wake up, it’s 7:30am again and the neighbours are yelling… or are they just having a normal conversation. It’s so hard to tell when you can’t understand what they’re saying.

I am released from the Groundhog Day cycle when I learn to embrace a world with no liquor, early wake-ups, a lack of buffet food and a kitten-less existence. That’s the real nightmare!

Drink #33: Groundhog’s Shadow Shot (a Sip Advisor original creation)

Groundhog's Shadow Shooter

  • Pour a dollop of chocolate syrup at the bottom of the glass
  • Stick gummy bear (acting as gummy groundhog) in syrup
  • 1.5 oz Galliano to fill glass

I tried finding a Groundhog Day-themed drink that already existed, but when none satisfied me, I made my own. Sounds like a euphemism for most people’s sex lives. The chocolate syrup is the earth, the groundhog’s home and the Galliano is the sun greeting the little critter, encouraging him to rise to the surface. The gummy bear is the tiny fella sticking his nose above ground to meet the brand new day.

Did he see his shadow, causing him to retreat to his underground dwelling and making humans believe they will have to suffer through six more weeks of winter? Or did he stay above the surface, signaling an early spring to come. With this shot, we’ll never really find out, so that means eternal winter… kind of like Game of Thrones! Awesome, drinking with Tyrion Lannister!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (2.5 Sips out of 5):
Where to begin with breaking down this drink? I tried a couple different mixes and ways to get that damn gummy bear to look decent and kept on getting tripped up by various issues. The Galliano make-up of the shooter might have completely saved it.