August 22 – Salty Chihuahua

Dog Gonnit

The Sip Advisor is a cat man and if I’m being completely honest, I’m not very comfortable around dogs. It is National Dog Day in the U.S., this Wednesday, though and that got me thinking about what I’d do in the future if my little sippers wanted a puppy. So, here are the Top 5 canine breeds the Sip Advisor would make an exception for… in the name of love!

#5: St. Bernard

I know what you’re thinking. The only reason the Sip Advisor wants a St. Bernard is so that he doesn’t have to retrieve liquor on his own accord. What you don’t realize is that these dogs also come in handy if I get buried under an avalanche of empty bottles and cans! The St. Bernard – famously portrayed in the Beethoven series of movies – is incredibly adept at rescuing folks trapped by snow. Legends also claim that a St. Bernard saved the Manchester United football club from bankruptcy in the early 1900’s, when J.H. Davis purchased the team after unsuccessfully trying to acquire captain Harry Stafford’s dog.

St. Bernard Drunk

#4: Collie

These regal, beautiful looking pups always put a smile on my face. I’m specifically thinking of the Shetland Sheepdog (or Sheltie), but other members of the breed are totally welcome in the Sip Advisor’s good books. Border Collies are also famous for their search and rescue work, so I’m beginning to see a bit of a trend here. I mean, how can you not like this type of dog? Hell, Lassie is even a Collie… and a Rough Collie at that! Shelties are highly intelligent and to be honest, would likely outwit me!

#3: Shar Pei

One of my favourite fictional dogs of all time is Satchel Pooch of the comic strip Get Fuzzy. The lovable oaf is a Shar Pei-Labrador Retriever cross, but we’ll forgive him for an ancestry he can’t control! My favourite aspect of Shar Peis is their rolly-polly body type and wrinkled fur, particularly as puppies. They look so adorable, especially when they snuggle up into a tight ball and almost disappear into themselves. As the name suggests, the breed comes from China and translates to “sand skin”.

Shar Pei Hasselhoff

#2: Jack Russell Terrier

Perhaps the most famous terrier was the ever-animated Eddie on the hit comedy Frasier. Played by a father and son duo for the duration of the show’s run, the dog was heavily featured on the sitcom. Eddie’s not alone, though, joined by other iconic Terriers, including Wishbone, Milo (The Mask), and Uggie (Nintendo spokesdog). One issue that could arise is that these dogs have a high energy level and are in constant need of exercise and stimulation, which may not jive with the Sip Advisor’s preferred lazy lifestyle!

#1: Golden Retriever

This is another breed of bigger dogs that I’d be cool with, given their awesome personalities and behaviour patterns. I’m also down with labs of all colours… no racism here! The Golden Retreiver seems to be the presidential dog of choice, as both Gerald Ford and Ronald Reagan brought them to the White House. The pooches’ names were Liberty and Victory, respectively. Other popular media to feature Golden Retrievers, include Up, Homeward Bound, Full House, and the Air Bud franchise, of course.

Super Saturday Shot Day: Salty Chihuahua

  • Rim glass with Salt
  • 1 oz Tequila
  • 0.5 oz Grapefruit Juice

The noble German Shepherd narrowly missed making this list. I mean, you gotta love The Littlest Hobo, particularly the theme song, which is a treasured memory from many kids’ childhoods.” Maybe tomorrow, I’ll want to settle down. Until tomorrow, the whole world is my home!”

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February 2 – Groundhog’s Shadow

My Nightmare

Nightmare

In the 1993 movie Groundhog Day, Bill Murray is forced to repeat the same day over and over again until he gets it right. Here’s a version of that same premise starring everybody’s favourite superhero, The Sip Advisor.

I’m awoken abruptly, voices coming through the thin walls of our resort hotel (I know, a resort hotel isn’t the best setting for a nightmare, but just wait, all will be explained). The clock reads 7:30am and I can never understand why people feel the need to have loud conversations that early in the morning. Seriously, when my wife and I wake up that early on the very rare occasion that we have to, it’s like we communicate in sign language. I motion that I’d like a little morning action, she shoots me down swiftly with a wave of her hand and I’m off to the bathroom to get ready for the day!

Next part of the nightmare: We get to the 24-hour buffet and every food item is out and the staff has no plans to replace them. There are rumours of a revolt, guests storming the kitchens to take whatever they can find. One basket of tortilla chips is brought out and the server is ambushed. I try to get my hands on at least one chip, but my efforts are fruitless. I walk away with multiple chips cuts and the salt stings my wounds. I suffer a black eye as well, as Mrs. Sip Advisor takes the opportunity to get a shot in, probably for all the attempts at morning fun over the years. She doesn’t understand that I would have shared the chip I was fighting for with her.

A news brief comes on the TV informing us that all kittens in the world have been eliminated, thanks to a new worldwide law passed by the pro-dog lobby (actually made up of famous dogs, including Lassie, the ghost of Old Yeller and Eddie from Frasier). I shed a tear, but the worst is yet to come. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking: there could be something worse than no more kitties!?!?

Kitty

So, no sleeping in, no food, and no kitties, but I’m still not panicking yet. I head over to the bar and, you guessed it, they are all out of liquor!!! There’s not a drop in the house. My pupils dilate, blood pressure rises and I go into fight or flight mode. I’m throwing bartenders into the nearby pool, smashing bottles over my  head and squirting lemon and lime juice into guest’s eyes. It’s complete chaos as I go on my rampage.

Finally, I am subdued, thanks to a clubbing blow to the back of the head. When I wake up, it’s 7:30am again and the neighbours are yelling… or are they just having a normal conversation. It’s so hard to tell when you can’t understand what they’re saying.

I am released from the Groundhog Day cycle when I learn to embrace a world with no liquor, early wake-ups, a lack of buffet food and a kitten-less existence. That’s the real nightmare!

Drink #33: Groundhog’s Shadow Shot (a Sip Advisor original creation)

Groundhog's Shadow Shooter

  • Pour a dollop of chocolate syrup at the bottom of the glass
  • Stick gummy bear (acting as gummy groundhog) in syrup
  • 1.5 oz Galliano to fill glass

I tried finding a Groundhog Day-themed drink that already existed, but when none satisfied me, I made my own. Sounds like a euphemism for most people’s sex lives. The chocolate syrup is the earth, the groundhog’s home and the Galliano is the sun greeting the little critter, encouraging him to rise to the surface. The gummy bear is the tiny fella sticking his nose above ground to meet the brand new day.

Did he see his shadow, causing him to retreat to his underground dwelling and making humans believe they will have to suffer through six more weeks of winter? Or did he stay above the surface, signaling an early spring to come. With this shot, we’ll never really find out, so that means eternal winter… kind of like Game of Thrones! Awesome, drinking with Tyrion Lannister!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (2.5 Sips out of 5):
Where to begin with breaking down this drink? I tried a couple different mixes and ways to get that damn gummy bear to look decent and kept on getting tripped up by various issues. The Galliano make-up of the shooter might have completely saved it.