May 24 – Flirtini

Posted on May 24, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Man Made, Woman Approved

Richard Christy, heavy metal drummer and writer for The Howard Stern Show enjoys the Flirtini, but calls it the Viking Testicle to man-up the drink a little more. With that in mind, here are my suggestions for turning a girly drink into a manly one.

First, we should define what exactly a girly drink is and what constitutes a man’s beverage. A girly drink has been defined as anything that comes in colours red, pink, and purple and may contain bubbly and copious amounts of fruit. A man’s beverage, on the other hand, should be made up of hues like clear, black, brown and grey and garnishes be damned! I guess yellow counts too, but only if in beer form. The rest of the colour wheel is kind of a neutral no-man’s land. Those who swing both ways have access to all the colours of the rainbow.

Now onto how to disguise your favourite bevvy… because nothing says man-made more than a little fabrication:

Manly vs. Girly… which is which?

Lie About Ingredients

Just because your friends can see what colour your drink is, doesn’t mean they know what’s in it. Instead of champagne, say it’s ginger ale. If they question why you’re pouring yourself some cranberry juice, kindly correct them that it’s actually plasma and you’re a new breed of vampire. Yeah, that should work well.

Change the Name

Instead of a Cosmo, order a Blood Bucket. Sure, the bartender might not know what the hell you’re talking about, but you’ll maintain your manly appearance. Also, try to remember to grunt while ordering and if at all possible, neglect to wear any deodorant or cologne, while working up a good sweat en route to the bar.

Mix it with Beer

For some reason, beer is viewed as one of the manliest drinks out there. I don’t get how a usually 5% alcoholic beverage compares with all these cocktails that use 40% alcohols and above, but I don’t write the rules… yet. When I AM elected to the World Liquor Council, there will be sweeping changes to the Drinker’s Code and alcoholism will never, ever be the same again.

Slam the Drink

It doesn’t matter what it is, just make sure it’s in your stomach preferably before it’s set down on the table or bar. Then, proceed to let out a wicked burp and order another round. When that drink comes, repeat the earlier process and continue doing so until everyone at the table is convinced you’re an asshole and you no longer receive invites to their gatherings. That’s when you know you’ve really made an impression.

Shoot it Out

When ordering a girly drink, also ask the barkeep for six shot glasses. If you’re quick to pour your Bellini in the six shot glasses, no one will have any clue what the contents are. Then, down all six in a matter of seconds! Women will flock to you like some sort of pheromone and some dude will probably want to fight you, but these are the ups and downs that come with being a stud.

Don’t Garnish Anything

I can get away with garnishing because I’m so wicked awesome, but most dudes walking around with a cornucopia of fruit hanging from their cocktail just can’t pull it off. Lemon and lime wedges are the only acceptable man garnish and even those border on the edge of femininity. Just makes sure you drop whatever garnish is attached to your drink into the glass as soon as humanly possible.

Smash the Empty Glass Over Your Head

While this is certainly taking things to extremes, no one will doubt how man-tastic you really are if you give yourself some permanent scarring and draw a little red for the ladies. If you’re too much of a pretty boy, you do have the option of throwing your glass to the floor, but the inherent risk here is starting a glass shard fight or a Jewish wedding.

Drink #144: Flirtini/Viking Testicle

1.5 oz Raspberry Vodka
Top with Champagne
Splash of Pineapple Juice
Garnish with Raspberries

I guess what I’m trying to point out with this post is that it’s okay to like “girly” drinks. Just make sure you mix in the odd MAN-tini to even yourself out!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes: (2.5 Sips out of 5):
I didn’t really enjoy this cocktail. First of all, I’m not the biggest bubbly fan and I never will be. I also think that something about my proportions were off and the mix could have been better. A teaspoon of sugar might have balanced the drink out more and given it some more points.

April 5 – Pond Water

Posted on April 5, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Thoughts of Random

As I sipped this delicious cocktail, thoughts, ideas, and ponderings begin to pop into my head. It was as if this jungle juice was making my brain go into overdrive. Here’s what I was able to come up with, as I downed some Pond Water (which consequently doesn’t appear to be the colour of any pond water I’ve ever seen):

1) While in California a few weeks back, I overheard a Disneyland cast member say that while an entire area, dubbed Fantasy Faire, has been built to house all the Disney princesses, Tiana (from The Princess and the Frog) will remain in New Orleans Square… thus proving that segregation still exists in Disneyland?

Oh, so Beast is allowed to hang out with the princesses, but Tiana has to stay on the other side of the park!

2) Liquor stores should have wedding registries (just found out one of my favourite booze palaces actually offers this). This would have saved Mrs. Sip and myself a lot of time and aggravation. Can you imagine the fun your faithful Sip Advisor would have had going through the local liquor distributor and selecting items for guests to pick up? Hell, any item picked from there would be greeted with much happiness.

3) Why do jackasses at sports event try to be seen on TV? I don’t care that you’re there, and you probably won’t either once the $10 beer buzz wears off. Now sit your ass down and watch the game you paid hundreds of dollars to be at.

4) How can McDonalds call their burger Cheeseburger Deluxe when it doesn’t come with pickles? Seriously!?

5) Staying with Mickie D’s, it was very disappointing to finally order the 40-piece McNugget Meal and not get one box full of 40 nuggets (instead receiving four 10 McNugget boxes). At least they gave me ample sauces.

These tubs rule, but boys, you're looking a little light on the sauces!

These tubs absolutely rule, but fellas, you’re looking a little light on the sauces!

6) A friend recently wrote that putting out her recycling lets her neighbours know that she’s a functional alcoholic. Here’s my own experience in that realm: I was shopping at my local liquor emporium, pushing a buggy (hey, I’m a serious consumer) between the aisles and picking up a number of items. When I reached the checkout, the kind cashier asked, “Having a party?” “Nope,” I bluntly replied.

A couple days later I was taking a massive load of recycling to the bins in my building when I ran into a neighbor in the elevator. After scanning the contents of my recycle box, he asked, “You have a party?” “Nope,” I once again replied. Moral of the story: What is with these nosey people!?

7) I have some issues with the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air opening theme… why does Will have to take a cab to the Banks’ residence? Couldn’t they have sent a driver? It’s not like he was an uninvited guest who travelled from the other side of the country in hopes of crashing with them.

Sadly (or awesomely), this is the kind of stuff that keeps me up at night.

Drink #95: Pond Water

Rim glass with Orange Fun Dip
1.5 oz Raspberry Vodka
Splash Blue Raspberry Mixer
Splash Sweet & Sour Mix
Top with Orange Crush

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I don’t remember pond water ever being bright orange, but who cares when it gives you the chance to enjoy Orange Soda. A particular highlight of this martini was the Orange Fun Dip rim I gave it, which made every sip a complete pleasure.

March 25 – Babbling Brook

Posted on March 25, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Sweet Serenity

Today’s drink had me turn my mind towards serenity. For me, total relaxation can be best achieved with a cocktail in hand, laying on a pool float, the sun beaming down upon me, and the sounds of rock n’ roll filling the air. If the pool was surrounded by naked ladies, well, that would be nirvana. I’ll settle for serenity, though.

Yeah, this is pretty close!

Sure there are other methods to achieving peace within oneself. For example, those CD’s (can you remember compact discs!? They’re only about $5 each in stores nowadays… at least they can double for cheap Frisbees) filled with relaxing, tranquil sounds: ocean waves, babbling brooks, gentle rain, sounds of nature, etc.

Then there’s meditation and yoga. I get that yoga can be a good stretching tool and can help with relaxation, but anyone who thinks yoga is exercise is probably a yoga instructor or form of yoga. I did yoga once and was pretty bored. Perhaps it’s because I hadn’t started drinking yet. I was also waiting for someone to let a fart slip out and when nobody did, the comedy element to the whole thing was missing. Don’t even get me started on hot yoga. If I wanted to sweat, I’d eat a pile of meat and go for a jog. Man that would smell gross.

Speaking of jogging, going for a nice long walk can often clear the mind. This is about half true in my neighbourhood, where you always have to be on a vigil lookout for dog poop, homeless people, idiot’s texting and walking, idiot’s texting and driving, and so many other pedestrian obstacles. Maybe if you live out in the burbs this will work better, but not so much for us city folk.

Mrs. Sip likes to read to relax. She says it allows her to escape into a fantasy world, to which I often reply (with very little success) that I have a few fantasies that we could venture into together. She just doesn’t understand that guys have needs like someone baking chocolate chip cookies for them while they watch Saturday morning cartoons and take frequent cat naps.

I wish this was part of Mrs. Sip’s fantasy collection…

Personally, I think we have to look to our pets for good relaxation techniques. Cats sleep like 30 hours each day. When they’re not passed out, taking up half the couch, despite their tiny frames, they’re usually snuggling up to someone and trying to get a good spot for their next snooze. And we think we’re their master…

In closing, use whatever you think works for you: a cup of hot tea, a trip to the spa, a quiet night in, a bubble bath (the Sip Advisor looks really good all sudsy)… you get the drift. Namaste!

Drink #84: Babbling Brook

1.5 oz Raspberry Vodka (I used Absolut)
0.5 oz Blue Curacao
Top with Sour Mix
Garnish with a Lemon Wedge

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I liked this cocktail with its sweet and sour taste. The colour of the drink was really neat and I enjoyed the foamy effect produced when shaking the mix.

March 1 – Berrynade

Posted on March 1, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Making Words Up

Well, you learn something new every day. Do you know what a portmanteau is? Sounds kind of like a dirty bedroom move, but it’s actually when two words are combined to make one. Kind of like the celebrity trend with couple’s names: Brangelina, Bennifer, TomKat. While those are utterly stupid, here are some portmanteaus (really roles off the tongue nicely… adding to its filthy sex maneuver mystique) that, like me, are pretty awesome:

Yellular – Ever notice how people’s voices go up about a million decibels when they’re on their cell phone? Right, because everyone on the bus wants to hear about your STD test results. If you got the clap, we’ll give you a round of applause!

Bromance – There’s absolutely nothing wrong with having a fond appreciation of your fellow man and sometimes there’s nothing better in the world than hanging with your buds, downing drinks, shooting the shit, and being stupid. Sex may top this, but if you’re in a “true” bromance, you’re getting that as well.

The Flight of the Conchords guys know all about bromance…

Nonversation – Ever talked to someone about absolutely nothing, but it still wastes 20 minutes of your day? Welcome to my workplace world, home of excruciating exchanges with people you don’t care to know anything about.

Social Notworking – Why work when you can spend hours a day liking Facebook statuses, posting photos of what you had for lunch on Instagram and hashtagging on Twitter?…Or making your next blog post…

Turducken – I’ve never actually had the pleasure of enjoying this delicacy. Perhaps someone can whip up a turkey-duck-chicken sandwich for me and e-mail it on over.

Chillax – The problem with me is that I chillax too much, to the point of really doing nothing at all. It’s my gift and my curse, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Imagineering – Walt Disney coined the concept of combining imagination and engineering and in our own little ways, we can all live up to this title.

Kidult – Ask Mrs. Sip and she will exasperatedly confirm that I am a kidult. I won’t let age get in the way of enjoying anything from cartoons to playground equipment and everything in between. Just try and stop me.

Frenemy – I’m frenemies with too many people to list. Among them: Mrs. Sip, my publisher, and the network (all which may actually be the same person). But especially my kitty. When he won’t sit with me, we are SO friends off…

Edutainment/Infotainment – What I like to consider this blog (another portmanteau, in fact) to be.

Mathlete – One day we will look up to the great minds of our world, as we do to sports icons like Lance Armstrong, Tiger Woods and O.J. Simpson… okay, maybe those three are bad examples. I wonder if the intellectual world is rife with scandal as well, like mathematicians using protractors and compasses to do the dirty or something.

Mocktail – Won’t find any of those around here…

Sexercise – Is there a better way to drop a few pounds!?

Sexting – The thorough stretching that goes into a good round of sexercise.

Sexcapade – What happens when your sexting and sexercise get you in trouble… but I like trouble!

Emoticon – My favourite emoticon is the one as shown here: :-0 <==8
Translation: Time for some archery, bitches!

Hangry – I get a little cranky when I’m hungry… speaking of which, I’m feeling a little peckish right now. Let’s wrap things up and get to today’s drink.

Drink #60: Berrynade (A Sip Advisor Original Recipe)

1 oz Gin (I used Bombay Sapphire)
0.5 oz Raspberry Vodka
Top with Lemonade
Garnish with raspberries and a strawberry wedge

Much like a portmanteau, I took berries and lemonade and made Berrynade. Now it’s time to have some fricken (fried chicken) before procrasterbating (not going to break this one down for you!).

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
I liked this little recipe I put together on the fly. Bombay Sapphire is such a nice Gin to build on top of. The Raspberry Vodka and Lemonade just helped with some nice flavours and all the fruit garnishes were fun to eat along with the cocktail.

February 23 – Berry Delight

Posted on February 23, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Rim Jobs

One of my favourite ways to complete the aesthetics of a cocktail is to give it a good rimming. Apparently the network isn’t too happy with me terming it that way… don’t really understand why. And, actually, I shouldn’t say it’s how I complete the drink, as it’s usually the starting point… let’s call it a thorough round of foreplay. Oh, now I see the issue!

I like to use anything that will stick to a glass, no holds barred style. With today’s cocktail, I used strawberry pop rocks. In the past, I’ve used anything from salt (perfect for margaritas) to coconut shavings to cinnamon sugar. And over the rest of this blog’s run, I will continue to experiment with other substances: cocaine, cereal, gravel, etc.

For those who are inexperienced rimmers (we can’t all be experts at the rimming arts), there are a few techniques that will help you put together the best looking cocktail. Here are some tips:

First, coat the rim of your glass with something sticky that will hold whatever you want to stick to it. You can use lemon or lime juice or different syrups (simple syrup in particular is handy).

Most rimming sets have you dunk your glass upside down into whatever liquid you’ve chosen to use and then into whatever rim you want to achieve.

Some people will only rim the outside of a glass, so as not to disturb the drink inside. You can accomplish this by dipping you glass at a 45-degree angle into the liquid, spinning so only the outside of the glass is coated. Then do the same with the rim ingredient. For this, you might want to use small plates, rather than a rimming set.

Note: Those are not the Sip Advisor’s hands… mine are sexier!

Make sure that your rimming material isn’t so heavy that it will not hold. I’ve had issues with rock salt and crushed candy cane bits before. The lighter the item, the more likely it will adhere to the rim coating.

Once the rim is complete, you can use a moist paper towel to clean up the edges and remove anything that has fallen into the glass, if you want a clean cut look. Be careful adding any garnish to the glass, so as not to disturb your work of art.

If serving to friends, you could choose to only rim half the glass in case guests don’t want to taste the rim contents with each sip. Otherwise, they can man (or woman) up, take the first sip with the rim and drink every subsequent sip in the same spot… wussies.

Now let’s feel the snap, crackle and pop of today’s rimming. Satisfaction ALWAYS guaranteed.

Drink #54: Berry Delight (A Sip Advisor Original Recipe)

Rim glass with Strawberry Pop Rocks
1 oz Raspberry Vodka
0.5 oz Cranberry Ginger Ale

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
This was a relatively plain shot, so I took it upon myself to add the Pop Rock rim, which was fun to eat even after the liquor was already down the hatch.

February 11 – Berried Treasure

Posted on February 11, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Odd Couples

In today’s recipe, Crème de Cacao is combined with lemonade, which may seem like a strange pairing to some. It actually comes together deliciously like peanut butter and chocolate, wine and cheese, and Doritos and porn. The same can’t be said for these mismatched duos:

Flavor Flav & Brigitte Nielsen

What do you get when you throw two recovering addicts together, with the tease of their own reality show spinoff? True love, yo!!! And so we were treated to Strange Love, which chronicled the couple’s relationship, ending when Nielsen decided to return to her fiancé… wait, what!?! She was engaged during the entire charade.

Roger Ebert & Oprah Winfrey

Granted they only went on a couple of dates, before either one had become a household name, but their relationship just seems weird. Ebert did urge Oprah to take her local talk show into syndication, helping her become the high-power, influential brand she’s become since her early days with the movie critic. So now you know you have Ebert to thank for Oprah’s Book Club, among other things that at one time or another, have likely ruined every dude’s life.

Lance Armstrong & Ashley Olsen

One of them used performance enhancing drugs and the other likely should in order to beef up her gaunt, skeleton look. Fifteen-year age gap be damned. At least she’s not dating one of her former parental figures on Full House. Now that would be creepy.

Tom Green & Drew Barrymore

First, you have sweet, innocent Drew Barrymore (Playboy pictorial and history of addictions notwithstanding), member of the Barrymore Hollywood dynasty. Then, you have Canadian Tom Green, who somehow became a cult hit in the late 90’s/early 2000’s with his brand of off-the-wall prank humour. Somehow the crazy kids got together and it was even at a time in Barrymore’s life when she was sober.

Dennis Rodman & Madonna

Perhaps these two weren’t as mismatched as first thought. They’re both bizarre individuals with far-out personalities and they each like wearing coned bras and dresses while dyeing their hair a million different colours. They also have a knack for starring in movies, despite the fact they’re more famous for other professions (he of basketball and she of enormous sexual appetite).

Jesse James & Sandra Bullock

Why these two were ever together is an unexplainable mystery. The fact HE cheated on HER takes the absurdity level of the relationship to a whole ‘nutha level. When you look at the gremlin he cheated on her with, you’re left absolutely flummoxed (remember, I’m trying to bring this word back to the streets). What a scumbag! Plus, he’s not even related to legendary outlaw, Jesse James, as he’s always claimed.

Bert & Ernie

They’re just roommates… quit bugging them about the whole gay thing. Hell, Ernie’s closer to his rubber ducky than he is to Evil Bert.

Drink #42: Berried Treasure

1.5 oz Raspberry Vodka
0.75 oz Crème de Cacao
0.5 oz Chambord
Top with Lemonade
Garnish with lemon wedge

Some say that Mr. and Mrs. Sip are an odd couple. What with her beauty, success and joie de vive. To those people I say, you’re right… but I wouldn’t have it any other way!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
One disappointment with the drink was that the Lemonade mixer wasn’t fizzy, as I had expected it to be. The flavour was still okay, but a little zip would have helped score the cocktail higher.

January 6 – The Cosmopolitan

Posted on January 6, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Cosmo’s Aren’t Just for the Ladies

Don't be so shocked, Skeletor, dudes be drinknig Cosmos, too!

Don’t be so shocked, Skeletor, dudes be drinking Cosmos too!

When I was 12 I had one of my kidneys removed, leaving me with a wicked scar that surprisingly worked well with the ladies. I like to think I know how studs like Ryan Reynolds and Matthew McConaughey feel with people everywhere ogling their midsection… only problem, I don’t have a ripped abdominal core… I’m on the freak side of the awe and attention. But that’s not the point of this story.

Prior to the operation I met with a dietary physician or something like that – basically someone who tells you what to eat and drink and what not to indulge in. I was told to reduce my salt intake (never really happened… seasoning salt, I put that shit on everything), drink alcohol in small doses when I became of legal age (you think I listened to that advice… I’m doing this blog, aren’t I) and to drink cranberry juice (lame… gross… hated the vile substance). That is, until recently, when I tried a Cosmo on my honeymoon cruise – hell, it was handed out to me for free – and found that cranberry juice wasn’t so bad after all… providing vodka, triple sec and lime juice are large portions of the mix.

Now, the Cosmo is likely one of the most ordered “Girls Night Out” drinks, but I’m going to team up with the drink and bring equality to the cocktail world. Together, we will change this perception that the Cosmo is only for the ladies. Like the You Can Play campaign in the hockey/sport universe, I vow that You Can Drink a Cosmo, or any other martini, and not feel ashamed to be doing so.

There’s nothing wrong with a man holding a pink drink. A few months back, I even had a Cotton Candy Collins at Society in Vancouver. The restaurant being empty that particular afternoon might have helped, but it was worth the risk to enjoy this creative cocktail, which, of course, came with a healthy dose of pink cotton candy on the top of the drink and has inspired me to do a future Candy Drink Week.

Back to the Cosmo… I began to make them more regularly and before I knew it, a bottle of juice that I thought would sit in my fridge untouched for years was nearly empty. As you’ve seen in previous entries, I often don’t play by the rules in my cocktail construction, and for the Cosmo, this is no different. I personally prefer to drink a Cosmo on ice and in a rocks glass (as I first enjoyed it on the cruise), but for the purposes of this entry, I’ve presented the drink in a martini glass, as that is the traditional method. Just put all the ingredients into a shaker and strain.

Drink #6: The Cosmo

1.5 oz vodka (I used raspberry vodka just to girl it up a little more!)
1 oz Cointreau or other triple sec
Top with cranberry juice
Splash of lime juice
Garnish with lime wedge

All that’s left is to get cozy in a fuzzy robe and slippers (picture coming soon), throw on your favourite chick flick (mine’s Debbie Does Dallas – that counts right?!) and sip the night away!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
It may be a girly drink, but it’s a good one. The Cosmo was one of the first drinks that allowed me to enjoy Cranberry Juice and for that, I have to thank it. I have to admit though, my favourite ingredient is the splash of Lime Juice.

January 5 – Silk Panties with Lace

Posted on January 5, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Dirty Names

Is this what you were thinking when you searched the term that brought you to this site?

I’ve always found it funny that many shots have dirty names. Some would say the dirtier the better. Who are we kidding, I would normally say the dirtier the better! And what better day to post these shots than Saturday: the best day of the week, where you can sleep in, stay up late, enjoy a shot or 6, and not worry about the head shattering consequences until the next day. It’s a special I like to call, Super Saturday Shot Day!

As this blog is built, a major hurdle is apparently attracting viewers using “keywords” or “tags” or whatever you call these words that I highlight in different colours and my wife keeps bugging me to hyperlink. So… with posting shot names such as “silk panties” (and that’s one of the tamer names out there) I figure that I’ll naturally draw in those who really know how to appreciate the art and composition that is a fine shot when they are sitting alone in their room on a Saturday night (right? because that’s what guys sitting alone in their room search for on the internet).

I even tried the search, myself… you know, in the name of research. God bless Victoria’s Secret!

Anyhoo, without further ado, my first super shot is the “Silk Panties with Lace”, because who doesn’t enjoy indulging in a fine pair of panties or two on a Saturday night?

Shot #1: Silk Panties with Lace

Rim glass with sugar
3/4oz Raspberry Vodka or another vodka (plain or flavoured)
3/4oz Peach Schnapps
Garnish with lemon wedge

I’m guessing the sugar rim is the lace waistband at the top of the shot, while the liquors in the glass, particularly the silky peach schnapps would be the panties. I have no clue where the lemon fits into the whole analogy… well, I have a couple ideas, but I don’t want this post to be classified as erotic fiction.

If you’re enjoying this site so far, please sign-up to follow the page. Each post will then be delivered straight to your e-mail and you can keep up-to-date on my Sip Advisor activities and adventures.

If you have any drink suggestions you would like to see featured on Sip Advisor, leave me a comment or send me an e-mail. I will be doing a full week of suggested drinks in the very near future.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
While I’d prefer to have the lingerie, the shot version of this title was enjoyable, too. Peach Schnapps and Raspberry Vodka seem like a wonderful match and a Sugar Rim is like having a spoonful of sugar to make the medicine go down!

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Tag Archives: raspberry vodka