November 8 – Sweet Tweet

Posted on November 8, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Technologically Traditional

Yesterday, we looked at my favourite apps and while I’ve embraced the games and information tools available to tablet and smart phone users, there is a lot of technology I refuse to adapt to. Kicking and screaming, I’m trying to hold onto my familiar way of life. Here are some items I refuse to give up or learn.

Laptop Mouse

It may surprise some that the Sip Advisor, this internet guru you’ve come to love, still uses a mouse with his laptop. I hate that little square built into the actual computer that you’re intended to use. I find that it completely slows my progress down. I occasionally use Mrs. Sip ‘s laptop for some site work and I wish she’d regress back to a mouse so that I’m more comfortable operating her computer.

Touchscreen Keyboard

Recently, my old phone died on me and I was forced to upgrade. I had dreaded this day for some time, as I knew it meant losing my pullout keyboard. I think too many errors occur with the touch screen typing system and don’t even get me started on Mrs. Sip’s swiping texts that are littered with spelling errors and unrecognizable words. I often respond to her with a simple “?” because I have no clue what she’s writing me about. And sometimes I do it just to be a dick!

Websites (Instagram, Linked In, Foursquare)

While I’ve joined sites like Facebook, Twitter, and even Pinterest, there are numerous other social media hubs that I just can’t get into. I don’t get the rage over Instagram and the weird filters people use on their low-resolution pics, I don’t care to meet business contacts through Linked In (I mean, my contacts would just be winos and alcoholics anyway), and I don’t need to let everyone know I’m still sitting on my couch through Foursquare!

Cell Phone Photos

Speaking of low-res photos, I really don’t understand why people are relying on their cell phones to capture the greatest moments of their life. I get it that you’ve shelled out a fair amount of money for these devices and that bringing along an actual camera is another hassle to deal with, but you just can’t replace the quality of image a real camera provides. No matter how good cell phone pixel quality gets, it will never supersede the ol’ digital camera.

Ear Buds

Am I the only person in the world who absolutely despises these sound delivery devices? Everywhere I look, people have ear buds jammed into their head. That’s not to say I don’t like listening to music, but I prefer to have an actually set of headphones and not something that constantly feels like it’s going to fall out of the snugness of my earlobe. Perhaps my ears are made to the specifications desired for bud usage, but I hate those little things.

Tablets

I have nothing against tablets and I think they are actually pretty neat with the big screen and all the functions they can provide. That said, between my laptop and phone, I have no intention of ever purchasing one. Donations will be accepted (they always are!) at the Sip Advisor headquarters, however. If anyone is tired of their iPad, Tab, Surface, or Nexus, you know who to ship it to.

E-Reader

I barely read enough print books to justify having eyes and a brain, let alone an e-reader. Mrs. Sip spends countless hours on her digital book, which infuriates me to near madness. No, I don’t see the Sip Advisor picking up a Nook, Kindle, or Kobo anytime soon; unless it becomes the only way for little sippers to read my awesome work… then I’ll practically become the face of the industry!

Video Game Systems

I’ve said it before and I’ll probably have to say it again: I will not buy another video game console. After the Nintendo 64, I held out for years without buying a system until finally caving an buying a Playstation 2 near the dying days of the console. Then I said it again before becoming enamored with the Nintendo Wii, again in its later years of existence. Clearly, I’m not an early adopted and I may own all of these products right before they become useless!

Drink #312: Sweet Tweet

1 oz Rum
0.5 oz Galliano
0.5 oz Peach Liqueur
Splash of Lime Juice
Dash of Cherry Syrup
Garnish with Lime Wheel

Which items do you refuse to purchase and accept as the way things are done today? Am I the only one who refuses to give up the Discman, Sega Genesis, and MySpace!?

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
I “borrowed” this recipe from a photographed menu from the Mandarin Oriental Hotel in New York, which also offers guests the Garden of Google, Brbon Tumblr, and… the SipAdvisor. Hey, wait, hold on a second. Should I be asking for royalties? Perhaps a cease and desist order? I’ll have to contemplate my legal options! As for the cocktail, it wasn’t bad, but it was a little too sweet. I guess that was implied in the drink’s name.

November 3 – Dragon’s Breath

Posted on November 3, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Mythological Mayhem

I’m not really one for mythological beings, but if forced to pick a few favourites (as I’m being charged to do so here) these are the creatures I would pick:

Dragon

I like some movies based around dragons. How to Train Your Dragon was really good and Pete’s Dragon was a childhood treat. In each of those films, the dragons (Toothless and Elliot, respectively) were of a friendlier, loveable personality. I’m also a fan of the Eddie Murphy-voiced Mushu, but not particularly in the movie Mulan, but for the little dragon’s appearance as co-host of the Disney Animation Building’s ‘How to Draw’ attraction.

Pegasus

The winged horse that I best remember from Disney’s Hercules cartoon, where it helped our hero Herc battle the forces of James Woods (otherwise known as Hades and evil incarnate). Wrestler Chris Benoit was also known as the Pegasus Kid and Wild Pegasus early in his career, as he toured Japan, Mexico, and Europe. Back to the stallion, one myth states that Pegasus was born from the spurting blood of a decapitated Medusa. Those Greeks sure no how to spin a yarn!

Centaur/Minotaur

Sometimes I wish I was half-man and half-beast… well, even more so than when I’m on a raging bender! What’s the difference between a centaur and a minotaur? A centaur has the body of a beast and head of a man, while a minotaur is of the opposite persuasion. While some may think that it’s hard to pick from one of these designations, I’d choose centaur in a heartbeat. That way I could look as gorgeous as I do now and be able to be a high profile athlete thanks to my tremendous lower body strength.

Unicorn

The national animal of Scotland (which still cracks me up to this day), was purported to have magic qualities. It was thought that the unicorn’s horn could be ground up and used in potions to help cure the ill. During medieval and Renaissance times, the horn of the narwhal was often sold to those looking to harness the unicorn’s powers. Nowadays, the horns of rhinoceroses are sold to those looking to increase their sexual virility. To sum up: horn = good.

Griffin

This creature mixes the head and wings of an eagle with the body of a lion. Geez, can you imagine if lions could fly. Good luck keeping them pent up in a zoo, even if they do sleep away most of the day. I like big cats like lions and such because I think they possess a surliness of sorts. Anyway, getting back on track, the griffin combines an animal I love with an animal I detest, so what does one do in cases like that? I guess you just focus on the positives… go Hufflepuff!

Gremlin

While I prefer gremlins when their still in their Mogwai state and they haven’t been fed after midnight, like the uber cute Gizmo, they do serve an entertaining and often hilarious role even when they’ve crossed over to the dark side. Gremlins are often portrayed negatively, which has upset supporters of their society. They’re usually seen tampering with in-flight airplanes and disrupting other machinery. They should not be trusted, should you ever come across one.

Kraken

I like Kraken Black Spice Rum and shouting “Release the Kraken!” when we’re swimming in Ma and Pa Sip’s pool is a favourite pastime of mine, so the Kraken is a must for the list. The Kraken is usually depicted as an enormous sea monster, similar to a giant squid or octopus. It is capable of bringing down an entire ship and has been blamed for numerous tragedies at sea. These false accusations have caused the Kraken to remain hidden, deep beneath the surface and we may never know of its actual existence.

Gargoyle

The Disney cartoon, Gargoyles, is one of those extremely underrated shows that had enjoyable elements for kids and adults alike. Along with the humour of gargoyles adapting to a 20th century New York City (after being awakened from thousands of years trapped in stone) many storylines were dark, complex, and featured adult themes such as betrayal and hatred. Being a self-effacing person, I’ve adopted Moe Szyslak’s line about being a gargoyle, although I’m told I have model cheekbones!

Phoenix

While the first thing I think about when I hear the word Phoenix (aside from the Arizona town, of course) is Jean Grey’s evil character in X-Men (making her so much more interesting that plain old, boring Jean Grey), the Pheonix is another mythological bird that must be vanquished from the world. The only problem is, the Phoenix will continually rise from the ashes of its predecessor and haunt me with loud noises, poop bombs, and dive-bomb attacks.

Werewolf

There’s a great episode (aren’t they all!) of American Dad where Steve thinks he’s been turned into a werewolf, while at the same time, Roger has taken in a wolf to overcome his distress after the death of his two sea monkeys. Don’t just take it from me, go watch the episode. I’ve never really been a huge fan of werewolves and the whole Twilight franchise did nothing to help with that matter. Team “Who Gives a Fuck” was a more accurate take on the series.

Drink #307: Dragon’s Breath

Rim glass with Caesar Spice
1.5 oz Dragonberry Rum
Top with Cranberry Juice
Splash of Lime Juice
Dash of Hot Sauce
Garnish with a Lime Wheel

What are your favourite mythological animals? And please don’t send me any replies citing Pokemon or anything else having to do with Japanese culture like Godzilla and Mothra. Seriously, those people come up with the craziest stuff!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
I added just the right amount of Hot Sauce to this cocktail. It wasn’t so much that the drink was hard to enjoy and it wasn’t too little that you didn’t get a slight burn at the finish of each sip. I added a Caesar Spice Rim to give each sip that extra kick of heat!

October 19 – Zombie Guts

Posted on October 19, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Brrraaaiiinnnsss

While zombies are meant to be scary and ignite fear within viewers of undead material, sometimes the genre can be flipped upside down and be used to portray romantic and comedic stories. Here are some flicks that eschew the typical Zombie story:

Warm Bodies (2013)

What happens when a zombie falls in love with a woman and feelings begin to return to an undead being? This is the question that Warm Bodies looks to answer. The zombie, known only as R spots Julie and is attracted to her. Having just killed her boyfriend and kidnapped her, he tries to make amends and the two slowly grow close. I loved Rob Corddry in this movie as fellow zombie M. His presumed best friend relationship with R is done quite well, given they’re non-communicative zombies.

A Little Bit Zombie (2012)

Steve, a mild-mannered HR manager is bitten by a zombie mosquito and therefore, he’s only “a little bit zombie”. Complicating matters is Steve’s wife-to-be, who’s gone all bridezilla on their upcoming wedding. That’s a pretty funny premise to me and although it’s not the greatest movie out there, it is a unique twist on the zombie film.

Shaun of the Dead (2004)

According to Shaun, the safest place to take refuge in the middle of a zombie uprising is at the local watering hole. So, Shaun and pal, Ed, are charged with rounding up Shaun’s mom and girlfriend in an attempt to make it to the shelter of the Winchester Pub. After all, that’s where drinks, food, and good times can be had. This film launched the careers of Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, and others and is the first of the Three Flavours of Cornetto Trilogy (Hot Fuzz and The World’s End being the other offerings).

Army of Darkness (1992)

Ash Williams (Bruce Campbell) is back to fight the undead and this time, he’s got a boomstick (a shotgun) and chainsaw (affixed to his arm, of course) to keep him company. The third and final film in The Evil Dead franchise (as of now) is a cult favourite for its catchphrases, humour and cheesiness. There are plans for an Army of Darkness 2 to be released sometime in the future, with Campbell returning to his titular role of Ash.

Dead Alive aka Braindead (1992)

Directed by Peter Jackson (yes, the same Peter Jackson that has since gone on to make the Lord of the Rings and Hobbit trilogies), this zombie outbreak is caused by the dreaded ‘Sumatran Rat-Monkey’, which infects the mother of Lionel Cosgrove. Cosgrove now must care for his undead mother, while fending off his uncle who wants the family estate. The flick is full of wonderful gore, so much so that the uncut version is still banned in Germany.

Zombieland (2009)

The best part of Zombieland is the “rules” the viewer learns along the way, as Columbus, Tallahassee, Wichita, and Little Rock pursue freedom, Twinkies, and the Pacific Playland amusement park. It all leads to a final showdown between the weary survivors and the deadly zombies at the theme park, where creative kills come in spades. Although there was talk of a sequel and even a TV series, neither came to fruition, although a pilot was filmed in 2013 with the series later being rejected.

Drink #292: Zombie Guts

0.75 oz Vodka (I used Pinnacle Strawberry-Kiwi)
0.5 oz Bailey’s Irish Crème
Splash of Lime Juice
Dash of Grenadine
Garnish with a Candy Finger

Which movies would you suggest to the Sip Advisor to get his zombie viewing on? That way I can be as brainless as the undead beings I’m watching!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
This is quite the process to make this shooter. Mix the Vodka and Lime Juice together before straining into a shot glass. Then, add drips of Irish Crème, which will curdle thanks to the Lime Juice and form the basis of the guts. Finally, add a couple drips of Grenadine for the bleeding effect. That’s what’s supposed to happen, but as you can see above, I had no such artistic luck. Still, things turned out okay and throw in a Candy Finger to complete the project.

September 26 – Lost Generation

Posted on September 26, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

My Generation

Every person thinks that their generation was the cat’s pajamas. I’m no different. But, in my role as your Sip Advisor, I have to play an impartial role. Therefore, today, I will be examining the highs and lows of my generation. We’re pretty flipping awesome, but we’re not perfect… and here’s why!

Why I’m glad I grew up now:

Technology

The fact that I have lived in different parts of the world (as has Mrs. Sip) and we’ve been able to communicate with each other, as well as friends and family, for absolutely nothing, alone makes me happy that I grew up in this age. Programs and sites like Skype, instant messaging, Facebook, Twitter, MSN (remember MSN?) and others have helped maintain communication with friends and family that normally may have disappeared from my life as a result of the distance separating us.

Flavour Revolution

What I like to think of as the Flavour Revolution has benefitted me in so many ways. Not only am I enjoying all the different liquor and mixer flavours that is part of this experimental boom, but everything from potato chips to condiments has vastly grown from what it was mere years ago. Everyone seems to be trying to come up with the next big thing so that playing around with tried and tested recipes is the norm today. We are not happy to simply rest on our laurels.

No Rush to Have Families

Oh, sweet heaven, thank you for this! My parents didn’t have children until they were about 27 and even for them, that was later than most folks of their generation. I’m just not ready to be unselfish and settle down with kids of my own. Despite Ma and Pa Sip looking forward to grandchildren, it’s just not in the cards right now. Mrs. Sip and I are just living too freely and enjoying our adult years too much to have little ones. It will happen eventually, but until then, party on!

Child of the 80’s

Being a “child of the 80’s” was wicked. Us dudes had Transformers, He-Man, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (I guess they still have that now), and so many more treasures. Girls had their My Little Pony, Care Bears, Barbie, and all that other good stuff. We weren’t force-fed a steady diet of Japanimation. And that’s only looking at the TV side of things. Our food had yet to be attacked by zealous health nuts, our music yet to be diluted by voice-altering technology, and movies were allowed to be silly and geared towards kids. It was good, no–scratch that, GREAT times!

Why I hate having grown up now:

Reality Shows

When I was younger, the 6 O’Clock News was the only form of reality programming. Today, it’s all you find on TV. People think they can dance, or sing, or do all sorts of crazy things. They’re volunteering to be thrown into ridiculous situations which they are supposed to survive from, but nobody watching them really wants them to pull through and live to see another day. This all leads to the next thing I hate…

Celebrity Culture

Good lord I hate Celebrity Culture. Everyone wants to be a star and they’re willing to do anything it takes to achieve their 15 minutes of fame. Anytime I’m unfortunate enough to pass by a gossip magazine or television program, I’m blown away by how many names I don’t recognize. If I can identify 50% of the people listed, I consider that a good day… and good days are rare in these here parts. How so many people can be famous for doing so little is mind boggling.

Missed out on Golden Ages of Rock

Because of my birthdate, I was never able to experience the brilliance of bands like The Beatles, Led Zeppelin, etc. live. While other acts have experienced more longevity or reformed with some replacement players, I missed out on seeing them in their prime. It would have been great to live during the days of highly publicized record releases and the music culture of say the 70’s (minus the disco, of course), where bands were followed by diehard fans all around the world.

Death of the Sitcom

There really aren’t that many sitcoms (situational comedies) anymore. Fighting for space amongst dramatic and reality TV (more on this soon) programming, the sitcom has largely been buried and eulogized. There are a few holdouts on the air today, such as Modern Family, Big Bang Theory, and Community, but it’s a dying breed. Each year, a new set of sitcoms debut, with few lucky enough to survive a full season. And the numbers continue to dwindle.

Drink #269: Lost Generation

2 oz Rum (I used Bacardi)
Top with Grapefruit Juice
Splash of Lime Juice
Splash of Lemon Juice
Dash of Maraschino Cherry Juice
Garnish with Lemon Slices and a Maraschino Cherry

So, what makes your generation the best or the worst? I’m sure with enough responses, I could put together an interesting cross section of why every feels they are the best and the worst, at the same time!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
While this drink wasn’t bad by any means, I find Grapefruit Juice to be quite the acquired taste. I was supposed to use Maraschino Cherry Liqueur, but since I had none on hand, I subbed in some Maraschino Cherry Juice for flavouring. Whether the two are remotely similar and can cover one another is a complete mystery!

September 24 – Twister

Posted on September 24, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Roll the Die

Yesterday I discussed my favourite board and card games and sticking with that topic, these are the games I’ve never played. If anyone wants to join me and do a couple rounds of Candy Land or something, just give me a shout. If you’re willing to foot my travel costs, we’ll get this done!

Twister

Never have I ever played Twister… hmmm, I should say that for my next game of Never Have I Ever! I’m not really sure I want to play either, unless it’s just Mrs. Sip and me and clothing is optional. That is one tangled mess I wouldn’t mind being part of. Otherwise, I’ve always appreciated my own personal space and that of others. It could make a fun drinking game through, with those who lose being punished with shots!

Mouse Trap

As a youngster, I owned Mouse Trap, but I’m certain I never actually played a full contest of the crazy contraption game. By the time you had all the traps set up, which could be a total pain to do, you just wanted to play with that and trap all the mousies. Worst of all, the contraption often didn’t work properly. Does anyone out there also remember Grape Escape? It was similar to Mouse Trap, but you were trying to crush Play-Doh grapes with different devices.

Balderdash

With such a wicked name, you think I would have tried my luck at the classic word definition game. As a writer, I feel I would get upset when I suggested a definition for one of the words and it wasn’t selected as the correct one. That’s when I throw all my cards up in the air, drop a couple dozen curse words, and storm out of the party!

Hungry Hungry Hippos

I know what you’re saying: “Surely, you, you stud of studs, must have played Hungry Hungry Hippos at some point in your life.” Sadly, while I remember having friends who had the game and I remember using the hippo to gobble up the little white ball, I’ve never played an actual competitive contest. Something new for the bucket list, I guess. How cool would it be to play a life-sized version of this game? Jumanji!

Chess

I whole-heartedly believe that Chess is beyond my learning abilities. I tried going through a computer tutorial one time, but it didn’t help matters. Once the game started, I just sat there staring at the screen. Then I played an entire round via the computer “suggest a move” option. I still lost! That’s why I don’t believe I’ve ever played the game before.

Candy Land

The children’s classic Candy Land has never been played by the Sip Advisor, despite his love of candy and other confectionary treats. My version of Candy Land is a shopping trip to Walmart, followed by gorging myself on all the delicious treats I’ve just picked up. If we need a little action, I pretend Mrs. Sip is trying to chase me down to steal my goods and I have maneuver to avoid her attacks!

Dungeons & Dragons

In actuality, we are all geeks in our own special way. That said, I can fully certify that I have never played a role-playing game of this magnitude. I have thoroughly enjoyed the episodes of Big Bang Theory that have centered on the fellas playing the dungeon master’s quest. I have to admit, though, that I’m not really into games that you should remain sober for… too much thinking = bad.

Nightmare

This classic VCR-based board game (remember those!?) was meant to spook the crap out of you, but most people just found the video scenes, particularly the host ‘Gatekeeper’ character, to be comedic. Still, I’d love to turn the lights out one time, throw on this game and see if it is at all scary. I bet I end up having nightmares… who wants in on this action!

Drink #267: Twister

2 oz Vodka (I used Pinnacle Strawberry-Kiwi)
Top with half Orange Juice and half Lemon-Lime Soda
Splash of Strawberry-Banana Juice
Dash of Lime Juice
Garnish with Orange Slices

I hope you enjoyed this nostalgic look back at board and card games as much as I did. Which games have you never played? Together we can end that injustice!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
This drink was an interesting mix of flavours thanks to all the different juices. The Strawberry-Kiwi Vodka was a nice touch and those notes came through the strongest.

September 19 – Daiquiri

Posted on September 19, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Rum-stravaganza

There are a lot of rum memes out there and I’ve narrowed it down to the best of the lot. Once again, I do it for all you little sippers… free of charge!

As I’ve written before, I often get an odd look when I’m pouring myself a drink in the early hours of the day. I personally see nothing wrong with a nip in the morning. Call it the breakfast of champions, if you will. At least now I know I’m not alone and I properly belong as an audio-animatronic on Pirates of the Caribbean!

I’ve always felt akin to felines and now I know we share the same feelings on rum and the fear of discovering it’s all gone. Luckily, I always keep a thorough stock of the spirit, usually in a variety of styles and flavours. Relax little kitty, you’re always welcome to come party with the Sip Advisor!

I hate running… but if I saw a group of people running with the thoughts that we were all chasing down some sweet liquor, I’d be right at the head of the group and doing everything I could, Wacky Races style, to finish first. Like this meme, though, the minute I learned everyone was just going for a jog, I’d quietly disappear!

Now this is my kind of exercise. Bringing your glass routinely to your lips is a form of bicep curls and if you’re constantly getting up and down to make a new beverage, that could be looked at as doing squats. Finally, drinking while also not dying can be thought of as breathing exercises, and now you’re getting a full body workout!

We can learn a lot from our elders, particularly this wise meme lady. I need to do a better job of having contingency liquor. Right now, I have everything in one basic spot and that’s not planning ahead properly. Most importantly, everyone should have one bottle stashed in their bedroom in case they don’t feel like getting out of bed!

Drink #262: Daiquiri

1.5 oz Light Rum (I used Bacardi)
Splash of Lime Juice
Dash of Simple Syrup
Garnish with a Lime Wheel

Today we drink the daiquiri, one of the world’s most noble cocktails. Join me, won’t you!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
Last month, I included the Wildberry Daiquiri as part of Frozen Cocktail Week, but it’s such a classic cocktail, it had to be done for Rum Week, as well. This version isn’t too bad, but there’s not a whole lot going on and the Light Rum taste isn’t masked as well as most might hope for. I like my drinks to play on the strong side, so that’s okay with me, but other’s might want to hesitate.

September 12 – Furry Purple Squirrel

Posted on September 12, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Mascot Mess

Teams largely have mascots to engage young fans and as a merchandising opportunity. I don’t know why college teams have mascots, as well, but I guess alcohol and people dressed as animals is always a winning combination. Each major league (NHL, MLB, NBA, NFL) is guilty of poorly chosen characters. Here are some of the worst mascots in the wide world of sports:

Carlton the Bear – Toronto Maple Leafs (NHL)

How in the hell is a bear the mascot for this team? Did they just want to be able to sell oodles of merchandise using a cute teddy bear? The team’s mascot should really be a dude dressed up in a leaf costume and they could do this performance introduction, where the leaf blows through the sky and lands flat on the ground, only to be crushed by passersby. Just like the team itself… symmetry, my friends, symmetry. Leafs suck, btw.

Heh, golfing… just like the Maple Leafs every spring!

Raymond – Tampa Bay Rays (MLB)

There’s just no zip to this name and the character is even worse, described as a seadog and wearing large sneakers and a backwards ball cap. Raymond is really just a slacker, complete with unkempt facial hair. Why couldn’t the mascot be a sting ray, with the tag line “I killed Steve Irwin, so don’t mess with us!” Now that would be bad ass.

Bear – Utah Jazz (NBA)

They couldn’t even give their mascot a decent nickname? The marketing department sat around and just settled with Bear? I’d be more impressed with Bear if he occasionally picked up a musical instrument and belted out some jazz scat tunes. Then again, the Jazz name doesn’t even work in Utah and is only a carryover from the franchise’s New Orleans origins. Ridiculous all around.

Rowdy – Dallas Cowboys (NFL)

Rowdy looks like Fix-It Felix from Wreck-It Ralph… except he appears a little more Broke Back Mountain than the team would probably want. The Cowboys legacy as a rough and tumble team doesn’t hold up so well when Rowdy is paired with that lineage. He has to be the creepiest looking cowboy I’ve ever seen, making the blood of Clint Eastwood boil to extreme levels.

Spartacat – Ottawa Senators (NHL)

I don’t get the orange hair. Doesn’t the Senators organization know that the world hates gingers!? Not myself, I find them to be loveable folks, but I am a rare breed. Readers know of my love for cats, but this one just doesn’t sit right. The name is okay too, but I just don’t see the necessity for that orange hippie hair. Call me crazy (and I’m sure you have), but I just can’t get past that.

Screech – Washington Nationals (MLB)

How awesome would it be if the Washington Nationals mascot wasn’t a anthropomorphic bald eagle, but was, in fact, Screech from Saved by the Bell!? Other than that minor note, I really don’t have any problem with Screech. He falls in line with the team name and the city the franchise plays out of. I probably should have left him off the list… but that Saved by the Bell thing still bugs me.

Hip Hop the Rabbit – Philadelphia 76ers (NBA)

Sure, basketball teams need to cater to the hip hop market and fans of the music genre, but this is really taking things a little too far. Hip Hop looks like a “gangsta” Trix Rabbit on roids, who instead of searching aimlessly for the beloved cereal, performs slam dunks off trampolines to pass the time. Let’s just hope Hip Hop doesn’t become a casualty of the East-West Rap Feud.

Stinger – Columbus Blue Jackets (NHL)

How anyone could consider an insect cute and cuddly is a question I’ll never be able to answer. Still, this pest was able to find work with the Columbus Blue Jackets, despite being a yellow jacket bug. That mixed with the teams blue colours, has turned him green, just to confuse people even more. I foresee a large swatter and a satisfying splat in Stinger’s future!

Sparky the Dragon – New York Islanders (NHL)

Why a dragon is the mascot for this team is perplexing. Sure, the owner, Charles Wang (heh… wang) is of Asian descent, but is that enough to justify this move? Not to mention he simply transferred the character over from his former Arena Football League franchise and you have the makings of a mascot conspiracy. We must form a task force to get to the bottom of this!

Dinger – Colorado Rockies (MLB)

The Colorado Rockies entered Major League Baseball around the time that Barney the Dinosaur was huge for many youngsters. I guess they decided to capitalize on that marketing craze when conceptualizing Dinger. Apparently, making Dinger a Triceratops was based on reports of dinosaur fossils being discovered as the franchise built its Coors Field stadium. I have to say that I do like the name Dinger, though.

Bernie Brewer – Milwaukee Brewers (MLB)

This mascot has to be the closest thing to resemble a 1970’s porn star in the sporting world, complete with a full, bushy, handlebar moustache. I bet under that jersey is a chest full of wild, curly hair and if we keep travelling downwards, a Ron Jeremy-esque member. The Brewer probably drinks a ton, too, and may be the best candidate on this list to party with!

Youppi – Montreal Canadiens (NHL)

The only thing worse than a bad mascot is a bad mascot that was meant for another team. When the Montreal Expos were relocated to become the Washington Nationals, Youppi became a free agent, quickly snapped up by the Canadiens. I do have to give credit to Youppi for being the first mascot ever kicked out of a Major League Baseball game, which occurred in 1989 following LA Dodgers manager Tommy Lasorda complaining to umps about the mascot’s behaviour.

Drink #255: Furry Purple Squirrel

Rim glass with Grape Candy Powder
1 oz Blue Curacao
1 oz Light Rum
1 oz Coconut Rum (I used Malibu)
Top with Club Soda
Splash of Lime Juice
Dash of Grenadine
Garnish with a Maraschino Cherry

I must admit, I left off the many amateur sport mascots that could have filled three of these lists. Olympic mascots have always been ridiculous too. Just to keep things simple, I only focused on professional team mascots. Did I miss any? Leave a message after the beep. BEEEEEEEP!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
This is an interesting recipe that includes floating the Coconut Rum on top of the drink right before serving. I picked this cocktail because it somewhat went with the topic of today’s post and because the blend of ingredients intrigued me. My Grape Candy Powder rim worked out better than others. I still don’t understand why every drink that purports itself to be purple never turns out that way and remains blue. Maybe I’m not using enough Grenadine, but then again, I don’t want to use a ton of Grenadine.

August 28 – Big Dipper

Posted on August 28, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Chippy Dippy Challenge

You little sippers should know quite well by now that I fancy myself to be a potato chip sommelier of sorts. With the Lays chip company presenting a new flavour competition, “Do Us a Flavour,” I assembled some of my rival chip connoisseurs (like gathering the heads of the five mafia families) to critique these new offerings suggested by the public. I tried submitting a flavour as well, but kept getting bounced out of the site, theorizing that the company and the world was not yet ready to handle Honey Garlic Ranch… sounds pretty awesome, doesn’t it! Here are our notes on the chosen flavours:

Creamy Garlic Caesar

I’ve had BLT chips before, so the idea of lettuce flavour on chips isn’t too foreign. This chip seemed to be the winning choice among the four tastes and I’m happy to report the contributing customer comes from my hometown. I love the Caesar dressing flavour and the chip reminded us all of Sour Crème and Onion, but enhanced. Cousin Sip suggested they could be crushed and used as croutons on salad, but you’d want to apply just before eating so as not to let them get too soggy.

Maple Moose

Basically this flavour could be summed up as a true slice of Canadiana, but it really translates to meat and maple syrup. Ma Sip liked its smoky taste, but others found that same zest to be a little overwhelming. I can’t say that I’ve ever had moose meat, so I’m not sure how close they came to mimicking that essence. I guess that makes me less of a Canadian… oh well!

Grilled Cheese and Ketchup

This flavour intrigued me as despite my hatred for cheese, I don’t mind grilled cheese sandwiches, providing a white cheese like mozzarella is used. However, this recipe favours a little too much on the cheese side, with Cousin Sip suggesting that the ketchup ingredient be enhanced a little more or even the addition of some dill powder would take this entry to a whole ‘notha level.

Perogy Platter

Something was missing from the Perogy Platter variety. Perhaps some more onion or bacon flavouring would make the taste a little bolder. It was still an enjoyable chip, though, similar to a fully-loaded baked potato type. It also proved that deep fried, crunchy perogies are the way to go and not noodle-esque boiled potato cartridges. Long live the fryer!

Drink #240: Big Dipper

1 oz Brandy
1 oz Dark Rum (I used Captain Morgan)
Dash of Cointreau
Splash of Lime Juice
Top with Lemon-Lime Soda
Garnish with Lime Wedge

This will not be the last Chippy Dippy Challenge, as I plan on hosting this event annually… or every couple weeks (I love potato chips that much!). What do you think of the above flavours? Have any suggestions of brands/styles/flavours to try? I’m just a click away!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
This was the first time I mixed Apricot Brandy with Rum, usually pairing it with Gin and both work very well. I subbed out the originally suggested Club Soda and Sugar and replaced it with Lemon-Lime Soda to even up all the requirements. I tried to make the Lime Wedge garnish look like a chip being dipped into the cocktail.

August 22 – Shark’s Tooth

Posted on August 22, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Bite Me

There are some serious teethers out there… sets of mouths that I hope I never have to come across. While most entries on this list are animal-related, sadly, some humans (living and undead) have also made a name for themselves, thanks to their chompers. Here are some entities I don’t want to be bit by:

Killer Shark

It’s not like the idea behind the Jaws movies (and numerous other films about the creature’s thirst for human blood) came from nowhere. Sharks are vicious animals and have been known to attack humans with bites so bad that they lose limbs, or worse, lives. In its defense, a shark has even been known to aid in a murder investigation, when a Tiger Shark vomited up a human forearm in Sydney, Australia.

Venomous Snake

I’ve made it quite clear that I have a fear of snakes. Knowing just how deadly they can be doesn’t really help. Some of the most deadly snakes in the world include the King Cobra, Puff Adder, and Taipan… all of which I hope to never encounter. Shockingly, a Honey Badger (perhaps the coolest animal in the world behind cats) is resistant to some of the most deadly venoms in the world and can eat a snake in short order!

Bullet Ant

This little fella has been ranked as having the most painful bite in the world, with people comparing it to being shot (likely people who have never actually been shot, but I digress). The Bullet Ant is found in South America and is actually used by the Satere-Mawe tribe as a rite of passage for boys, who have to wear a glove of the ants for ten minutes, suffering numerous bites and painful symptoms that can last for days.

Vampire

Turning to our fictional biters, in much of vampire mythology, biting is a source of fear, dominance, sexuality, and necessity. Just watch an episode of True Blood (not that lame-ass Twilight garbage) and you’re bound to see numerous scenes of fangdom. Some real life vampires actually exist, usually of the crazy serial killer variety. This list includes Countess Elizabeth Báthory and Fritz Haarmann, who was beheaded for his crimes.

Gila Monster

What do you get when you combine sharp teeth, thorough chewing and toxic venom… the Gila Monster, of course. Luckily for us humans, the Gila Monster’s laziness means we probably won’t have to deal with the animal, but they should not be approached or provoked. The killer lizard has even been used as a school mascot, as Eastern Arizona College has Gila Hank, complete with cowboy hat and gun!

Mosquito

Along with my constant attention and devotion, Mrs. Sip is live bait for Mosquitos, who will bite her throughout and evening, while other people in the same setting escape unscathed. She is my own personal Citronella Candle! Not only can the Mosquito leave you with a tremendous itch and splotchy skin, but they also spread the deadly malaria virus, which has killed unfathomable numbers throughout history.

Brazilian Wandering Spider

This spider has the highest human kill rate among arachnids and its venom can cause a long-lasting erection (is that really so bad!?). Look out Viagra, your days may be numbered as the most prolific boner pill… you know, once they figure out the whole toxic venom side effect. So much for the Black Widow Spider being so bad. Perhaps Mrs. Sip won’t be so eager to travel to Brazil anymore after reading this!

Mike Tyson

The bite heard ‘round the world’ occurred June 28, 1997, when the ‘Baddest Man on the Planet’ proved his reputation and sunk his pearly whites into the ear of opponent Evander Holyfield. It was the final straw in Tyson’s rollercoaster boxing career, which saw the heavyweight fighter rise to championship glory at the age of 20 and fall hard from grace, following a rape conviction, substance abuse problems, financial woes, and failed comebacks.

Drink #234: Shark’s Tooth

1.5 oz Dark Rum (I used Captain Morgan)
Splash of Lime Juice
Splash of Lemon Juice
Dash of Grenadine
Dash of Soda Water
Garnish with Lemon Wedge

When you really think about it, is there such a thing as a “good bite”? I guess if you’re into a little pain with your pleasure you might want to go down this road, but otherwise, I’ll take my loving sans teeth!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
There is also a Shark Bite cocktail, which is quite clever in that it includes a couple drops of grenadine to simulate the look of blood within the rest of the mix. As for this recipe, you think the drink will be too sweet, but the soda really takes the edge off… for some reason I tasted chocolate despite the ingredients having nothing to do with the stuff.

August 21 – Village Idiot

Posted on August 21, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Dumb and Dumber

Yesterday we had a look at some of the stupid things I’ve done over my many awesome years. Did you really think that was it, though? There are so many other wild tales of great idiocy in my archives. Here are a few more select stories!

One More for the Road

Well before I became the seasoned drinker you see before you today, I was still learning the ropes of the liquor game and picking up experience points where I could. At a party very early in my drinkdom, shortly after high school graduation, I was having a great time catching up with folks I hadn’t seen since our days of set school schedules and also meeting some newbies to the Sip Advisor’s world.

Before I knew it, I was 10 beers deep. With the party still in full swing, I was sad to discover that my stock had been completely depleted. I was now regretting giving out the couple brews I had gifted to others for past offerings bestowed upon me. For shame, Sip Advisor… but it gets worse. In my bag of goodies was one Mike’s Hard Lemonade – the popular drink of my graduation summer. Why I brought it with me, I don’t know. Perhaps the devil slipped it in my bag for its own amusement.

Without much thought, I cracked the can open, took a big swig, and immediately felt it not sitting very well. Being young and dumb as I was, I finished the beverage and decided to make my way home. What was usually only a ten minute walk home took me nearly double, as I was forced to stop frequently to get sick on some poor stranger’s lawn. I eventually made it home to get sick once more in my room, before passing out. Lesson learned, my little sippers: beer before liquor, never been sicker… liquor before beer, you’re in the clear!

Wax-on, Wax-off

For years following Mrs. Sip and I becoming an item, I had complained about not liking my chest hair and wanting to have it removed. Mrs. Sip must have finally hit her breaking point because one night, she showed up at my place with a waxing kit and said the time had finally come to put up or shut up. So, there we stood, in the bathroom, Mrs. Sip warming and dripping hot wax over my body, as Broski Sip snickered and filmed the incident for prosperity purposes (or at least that’s what they told me!).

Finally, it was time. RIP! Mrs. Sip pulled away the first patch and left in its place was a bald patch of skin. I was surprised that the whole process didn’t really hurt that much. So, we continued and in no time we were finished and I had a nice smooth chest. End of story, right!? Not so fast. Within minutes my chest was covered in all these tiny red little bumps that never really went away until the hair started growing back. A man just can’t catch a break!

Cruise Ship Quarantine

Back in early May, I wrote an article about how to enjoy an open bar. Let’s just say I wrote that post a little too well. You see, my aunt was getting married aboard a cruise ship and the wedding package featured a one-hour open bar with little appies and such. With only an hour to drink like kings, a game plan was needed and I captained that ship straight into the rocky cliffs.

Video and photo evidence from the event shows me with two drinks in hand for nearly every appearance. We also lined up at least 10 rounds of shots to go with the double fisting of doubled drinks. I can throw down pretty good in the game we call alcohol, but my biggest mistake that day was building all that booze on top of nothing. I hadn’t eaten that morning (not a huge surprise, as I’m not really a breakfast guy) and still hadn’t touched anything edible by the time the wedding ceremony was over around 2pm.

I guess it could have been worse!

Largely on my advice (and coercion) three of us ended up getting quarantined, while a couple others were incapacitated for much of the trip. Worst of all, we were banished to our rooms because those of us who got sick did so in front of ship staff and we were forced to miss much of the post-wedding celebration. Let’s just sum up by saying that it was far from my finest moment, but I can still provide a lesson of sort to all you little sippers to keep yourself on track and only lose your cookies in the privacy of your stateroom!

Drink #233: Village Idiot

1 oz Gin (I used Bombay Sapphire)
1 oz Vodka
Top with Lemonade
Dash of Lime Juice
Garnish with Lemon and Lime Slices

Again, I implore you to share your stories of stupidity. I’m starting to feel a little lonely here, sharing all my goof ups and not hearing any of yours. Let’s make this a give-take idiot relationship!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (5 Sips out of 5):
If you make one of these, you’ll be far from a village idiot, you’ll be a genius. It’s so refreshing and tasty, crisp and clean. The recipe is pretty simple, so I spiced it up a bit with top shelf liquors Grey Goose Cherry Noir Vodka and Bombay Sapphire Gin. Everything worked well together and left me thirsting for more!

Sip Advisor

The Good, The Bad & The Bubbly

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