April 29 – Sin City

Posted on April 29, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Sin-sational

Over the Easter weekend, Mrs. Sip and I visited one of our favourite places in the world, Las Vegas. Along with many of our usual haunts (not one, but two trips to the Hyde Lounge!), here are a few new places we tried on our recent long weekend extravaganza, with wonderful cocktail options at almost every turn.

Max Brenner’s

This place specializes in chocolate, mixing it into every recipe on the menu (food, drink, dessert). Mrs. Sip and I went during its bar happy hour, sampling three of their dessert cocktails ($6 down from their normal $12), while also sharing some appies – waffle fries with chili-chocolate powder… um, yes please! Mrs. Sip enjoyed the classic chocolate martinii (garnished with a huge chocolate dipped strawberry) while my favourite drink was the wonderfully delicious Satisfaction Guaranteed, made with peanut and caramel liqueurs. When I think of a drink that is 5 sips out of 5, this is it!

Wynn Buffet

We like to get to at least one buffet on each trip to Las Vegas and over time, we’ve been able to try nearly every hotel’s offering on the strip. On this excursion, I gorged myself on a selection of Asian delicacies, from sushi to noodles and vegetables and followed that up with a plate of crab legs. Dessert was great too, with a make your own gelato sundae bar. Althoght a bit more pricey than your regular buffet ($38 for dinner), the Wynn Buffet is well worth the price and everything you would expect from the 5 star hotel and casino!

Parasol Down

While I can’t fully recommend the little shows that run every half an hour on the Lake of Dreams (two balls birthing a baby ball???) the place does provide a lovely setting for an evening cocktail, with it’s lake and forest atmosphere. Here, I tried the Sinatra Smash, made with Crème de Cassis, whiskey, sweet and sour mix, vanilla syrup, and blackberries.

Guns & Ammo Garage

It has long been on my bucket list to shoot a gun. Not at anything in particular (might I suggest the birds infesting my patio), but just to merely shoot a gun. When the opportunity arose to go to one of the many gun ranges in Las Vegas, I was happy to tag along. There, I shot a M9 and an Uzi (relatively well) and gained a whole new respect for the fine folks that have to carry a piece as part of their daily living.

Rock & Rita’s

A little off the main strip, but worth the trip, this restaurant features a southern barbecue menu, complete with massive drinks you can get in a souvenir toilet glass. I tried the 2000 Flushes recipe, while splitting an appie platter. This is a fun place for adults and kids alike, as while flair bartenders did their thing just outside the joint, one of the greatest balloon artists I’ve ever seen visited each table, making amazing creations for the little ones.

Go Pool Cabana

Mrs. Sip and I have done the hotel pool thing a few times before, but when Mama Sip (also in Vegas at the time) wanted to reserve one of the poolside cabanas for the day, it brought a whole new meaning to swim luxury. Myself and Papa Sip were able to watch a hockey game, while the ladies soaked in the sun. We also had around the clock service, which resulted in me ordering the Alligator Bite drink, made with a host of liquors and pineapple juice.

The ladies and me at the cabana!

Carlos & Charlie’s

This wild restaurant inside the Flamingo was just being built the last time we were in Vegas and we stopped here for lunch one day before hitting the pool. While splitting a scrumptious quesadilla stuffed with the works, I enjoyed a Lazarillo cocktail, made with tequila, cranberry juice, and lime. It was basically a Mexican Cosmo, but it really hit the spot as a good starter drink to another wild day.

New Cocktails

As previously mentioned, we enjoyed the Bellagio fountains at the Hyde Lounge twice on this trip and while there sampled a number of fantastic concoctions. Mrs. Sip finally gave the nitrogen drink, Bees Knees, a go, while I ordered a host of luxury cocktails, including the sweet and spicy Burning Mango, bell pepper-infused Love Unit, and subtle yet delicious Cucumber Watermelon Margarita.

Drink #119: Sin City

1.5 oz Vodka (I used Absolut Raspberri)
Top with Cranberry Juice
Splash of Club Soda
Garnish with a Maraschino Cherry and Cinnamon Stick

We will be back to Sin City again soon. It doesn’t take long before that itch returns and we’re booking our flights and hotel, salivating over the copious options available and prepping for a weekend filled with booze, sun, food, lack of sleep and hard partying!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (2.5 Sips out of 5):
This cocktail was your typical Vodka-Cran-Soda. I was hoping the addition of the Cinnamon Stick would change things up – even using it as a straw for a couple sips – but unfortunately, any difference was so subtle that the flavour wasn’t modified at all.

April 28 – Matador

Posted on April 28, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Taking the Bull by the Horns

While I never intend to be a matador, I have done my fair share of crazy. Here are my experiences in the realm of extreme activities!

Zorbing

Rolling down a hill inside a giant rubber ball filled with water is something only the Kiwi’s could have invented. Mrs. Sip and I jumped into the ball together and tumbled our way to the bottom of the hill, giggling as we crashed around inside our vessel. As you exit the ball, you feel as if you’re being birthed. We also did solo runs down a zig-zag course, trying to stay upright as long as possible, but always ending up flipping our way down the track.

Commercial Luge

The more you speed, the more you bleed… I found this out the hard way. Again, while in New Zealand, Mrs. Sip and I took to a commercial street luge track. Mrs. Sip played it safe and did two runs on the beginner track before advancing to intermediate. I did one intermediate run before hitting the expert slope twice. On my last run, feeling ballsy, I tried to videotape my journey. This didn’t go well, as holding the camera, while trying to steer was nearly impossible. I crashed into the embankment, rolled a few times and walked away with a gnarly gash on my arm, a grass- and dirt-stained shirt and a camera that struggled to open and close. Eh, you win some, you luge some!

Bungee Jumping

I’ve bungeed a total of five times from three different locations, including one epic jump off the Auckland Harbour Bridge in New Zealand. Your mother always told you to never follow your friends and jump off bridges… that’s why I went solo and started the trend. Amazingly, Mrs. Sip has often accompanied me to view these jumps, despite her fear of heights. While I’m a fan of flipping through the air while bungeeing, I didn’t fully enjoy the backwards free-fall I once performed.

Ziplining

Despite what the creators of South Park might think about ziplining, I’ve always enjoyed flying through the air from platform to platform. Mrs. Sip and I have ziplined in Mexico, Costa Rica and into a cave in New Zealand (for a round of black water rafting). I like the lines where you can do some more elaborate tricks, like go upside down and pretend you’re a spider, hanging from your own webbing!

Scuba Diving

I know what you’re thinking (especially if you’ve never done it), how is scuba diving a danger sport? Well, just the concept of breathing deep underwater is something that can be difficult to wrap your head around. When Mrs. Sip (a certified diver) signed me up for an introductory scuba session, I was apprehensive to say the least. Once you get in the water, relax, and get used to the breathing and goggle techniques, the views are amazing and you can keep your fears subdued. I was privileged to do my dive at Australia’s Great Barrier Reef and I think I even found Nemo!

Drink #118: Matador

1.5 oz Tequila (I used 1800 Añejo)
Top with Pineapple Juice
Splash of Lime Juice
Garnish with Lime Wedge

In the future, I hope to do other crazy shit like run with the bulls, skydive, base jump and cliff dive. For those that are afraid to try any of these activities, just remember how dangerous normal everyday things can be like walking the streets of a downtown core and you should have no problem jumping out of a plane, off a cliff, or into a stampede!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
I liked this cocktail. It’s fun to put the odd non-bubbly-based drink into a champagne flute and I thought it worked really well for this recipe. All the ingredients mixed well together with many citrus notes shining through… plus you can never go wrong with Añejo Tequila!

April 25 – Gimlet

Posted on April 25, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Dirty Drinkin’

Gin’s dirty little nickname is ‘the blue ruin’ and after checking out these songs, while getting down with my inner gin lover, I can completely understand why. Here are the tunes I’ve been listening to:

First Drink: Gin & Juice – Snoop Dogg

The quintessential gin anthem has got the baller in me “Rollin down the street, smokin’ endo, sippin’ on gin and juice.” Laid back, with my mind on my money and my money on my mind, of course! I could basically just rock this jam all night and keep the gin flowing, but let’s check out some other tracks.

Second Drink: Cold Gin – Kiss

This song is pretty rocking and a good follow-up to Snoop Dogg. I gotta say though, that if cheap cold gin is the glue in the relationship Sir Gene Simmons is singing about, things aren’t looking good for this couple’s future. I know a couple good family law lawyers, though!

Third Drink: Bathtub Gin – Phish

These guys really must have loved gin because they also covered Snoop Dogg’s aforementioned Gin & Juice. I think making bathtub alcohol would be a fun little experiment (at this point of inebriation, anything is possible!)… you know, providing the distillation process didn’t blow up your home or anything.

Fourth Drink: Love is Like a Bottle of Gin – The Magnetic Fields

The romantic side of gin is starting to show through and I’m feeling amorous. Unfortunately, I’m home alone, so that means an ice cold shower I suppose. Perhaps the next drink will have me back at a subdued level of passion. There are some interesting lyrics in this little ditty, as the band makes their case for comparison between love and gin.

Fifth Drink: Misery and Gin – Merle Haggard

Now we’re entering the sad portion of the drinking (country music almost always plays a role in the downturn of the evening… that’s why I largely refuse to listen to it).

Sixth Drink: Gin Soaked Boy – Tom Waits

At this point, I am definitely a gin-soaked boy! This is another good tune for its dirty guitar work. A perfect song for getting smashed in some seedy dive bar!

Seventh Drink: You, Me and the Bottle Makes Three – Big Bad Voodoo Daddy

Unlike most of the male population, I’ve never really been into the thought of a ménage à trois. However, if Mrs. Sip wants to snuggle up with me and a bottle of gin, who am I to turn that down!

Drink #115: Gimlet

2 oz Gin (I used Bombay Sapphire)
Splash of Lime Juice
Garnish with Lime Wedge

Well, that was an interesting swing through some ginny music. I’ve concluded I’d rather drink gin than listen to songs about the spirit, but there were a couple decent tracks in this playlist.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
This classic drink is wonderfully refreshing! The simplicity of not having to dump a ton of different ingredients into a cocktail has always been preferred by the Sip Advisor. The Lime Juice works really well with the juniper taste of the Gin and would be enjoyed by Gin enthusiasts and rookies alike.

April 24 – Frostbite

Posted on April 24, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Bangers and Mash

Both Mrs. Sip and I have had the privilege to live in England for some time as part of school exchange programs. She lived two hours south of London, at Herstmonceaux Castle, while I spent a term in Preston, in the Northwest… not a castle. Living in England allowed us ample opportunity to explore the country and have numerous adventures!

Beatles Mania

You can’t walk through much of Liverpool without being reminded of the contributions The Beatles made to the realms of music, style, entertainment, politics, and pop culture. Whether walking through Mathew Street to grab a pint at the infamous Cavern Club, visiting The Beatles Story along the Liverpool docks or hell, flying out of the John Lennon Airport (I’ve done them all!) the band and their aura are always around you.

Old Trafford

Home to the perennial contenders, Manchester United, Old Trafford is a haven for fans of the massively popular football club. I was fortunate to get to see a live game at the legendary stadium and also return later with Broski Sip to enjoy the stadium tour, complete with Manchester United Museum. On the subject of football glory, I should also mention that the National Football Museum was located a short walk from my accommodations in Preston, so I was a frequent visitor!

Lake District

Northwest England’s Lake District provides a beautiful and tranquil opportunity to… chase sheep. Okay, so my journey with Mrs. Sip to the Lake District started out as a chance to get away from the hustle and bustle of the city and see all the beautiful landscapes the area had to offer, but it degenerated into a search for crisps, lager, and wildlife harassment!

Stonehenge

No one knows exactly why it’s there and what its purpose was, but that doesn’t mean they won’t charge you to see the wonder of the world. It was an awe inspiring site to see, to be sure, but on the day I visited, by my lonesome, it was a gusty, drizzly day and all I could really do is rush around the entire façade, snapping quick pictures, before taking refuge in the gift shop.

This might be more impressive than the real landmark!

Alton Towers

This theme park had some really neat attractions over its expansive landscape. I remember being impressed by the Duel: The Haunted House Strikes Back ride where you are given a laser gun and have to shoot various haunted targets as you move through a creepy house aboard a vehicle. This park also featured some of the wildest roller coasters I’ve been on including Nemesis and Oblivion.

Canterbury Tales

Most of us have read these harrowing tales sometime throughout our education. My travels to Canterbury were exhaustive, but it was cool to see the Canterbury Cathedral and also embark on the Canterbury Tales interactive tour. It was a little creepy to walk through these story boards with lifelike characters acting out a few of the tales, while being the only person in the entire attraction. I felt as if it was only a matter of time before the cutout came to life and I became the next unwilling member of the stories.

I was pretty sure these models would end up killing me…

Blackpool Pleasure Beach

The really neat thing about Blackpool Pleasure Beach, was how many of its rides were meant to echo famous Disneyland attractions. As an as-regular-as-possible visitor to the California park, Mrs. Sip and I immediately noticed knockoffs of Space Mountain and Alice in Wonderland. There were also some original offerings at the park, such as the intensely wet Valhalla, fast-paced Steeplechase, and bobsled coaster Avalanche.

Cadbury World

Cadbury is the maker of some of the finest chocolate products on the market, so this little landmark was a must hit while Broski Sip and I were in Birmingham to see Ricky Gervais on his stand-up tour. A highlight of the visit was, of course, the chocolate samples, which provided a great picture of your Sip Advisor with chocolate splash across my mouth and a disgustingly sweet grin!

Drink #114: Frostbite

1 oz Gin (I used Tanqueray)
0.5 oz Blue Curacao
0.5 oz Peppermint Schnapps
Top with Lemon-Lime Soda
Garnish with Lemon Wedge

Now before you go off, wildly packing your bags and booking last minute flights to England, I should remind you of the country’s downsides. Um… well, there’s the… no, I actually like that… oh, just go ahead and don’t forget your neck pillow… it’s going to be a looooong flight!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I’m always cautious when throwing Peppermint Schnapps into any cocktail. It just seems like a liquor that doesn’t necessarily play well with others. On this occasion, though, it made friends for life with all its fellow ingredients and the group could have auditioned for America’s Best Dance Crew with the way they were entertaining my mouth!

April 21 – Gin & Tonic

Posted on April 21, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

GIN-Trification

Throughout this 365 drink-per-day challenge, I’ve tried to avoid recipes that are simply [insert alcohol] and [insert mixer]. It pisses me off when liquor companies run ads promoting recipes for their drinks and they’re so basic. I get it; you don’t have time to list a never ending set of ingredients, but at least give me something a little more substantial. That all said, you simply can’t have Gin Week without making a good ol’ fashioned Gin & Tonic!

Now here are some facts about gin that will surely have you salivating for a cocktail:

The libation was actually created in Holland, not England, where it is often associated thanks to all of the London Dry Gin companies (Beefeater, Gordon’s, Plymouth, etc.). In fact, gin’s name comes from the Dutch word for juniper, jenever. Juniper is a key ingredient in gin production and gives it that pine needle taste.

Gin is meant to be mixed with other ingredients, which help the spirit come to life. I remember shooting gin when I was a lot younger and while it would get you drunk, it was not the tastiest of liquors.

The alcohol was once public enemy #1, as in its earlier years it was often a poisonous blend of ingredients made by cheap distillers. Many poor Londoners died from drinking gin and the death rate was higher than the birth rate in the slums of the city. And we all thought Jack the Ripper was evil.

Keeping gin consistently badass, it was a very popular liquor during Prohibition because it could be manufactured anywhere, like in a bathtub, and didn’t have to be stored or aged in barrels. I bet Ernie and his rubber ducky wouldn’t mind having a soak in a Gin-filled tub… at least I wouldn’t mind. I happen to think I would have done well during the Prohibition Era, whether as a gin joint operator, bootlegger, distiller, etc. Just give me one of those wicked tommy guns and let’s rock!

The Philippines is the world’s largest consumer of gin. The gin & tonic drink is popular in tropical regions because gin was traditionally used to mask the taste of quinine, which happens to be the cure for malaria and is now also the key ingredient in tonic water (get it? hence the name tonic water). Unfortunately, the amount of quinine in tonic water today is so minimal, you would have to drink about 67 G&Ts per day to get enough of the tonic in order to actually prevent malaria.

Gin used to be the main ingredient in many popular cocktails, such as the martini, but thanks to Smirnoff Vodka’s very successful ad campaign “Vodka leaves you breathless”, vodka has often been substituted for gin. Further cocktails have also seen gin removed in favour of other spirits.

Finally, there is some controversy over the garnishing of gin-based drinks, particularly today’s recipe. While most mixologists insist that a lime be used to accentuate a G&T, in some places, such as the United Kingdom, lemon wedges are sometimes substituted. Some experts have attacked this substitution, calling it an “uncultured alternative”. Poor little lemons… what did they ever do to earn so much ire? (except give people canker sores).

Drink #111: Gin & Tonic

Muddle three Lime Wedges
1.5 oz Gin (I used Hendricks)
Top with Tonic Water
Garnish with a Lime Wedge

So, even with a very basic recipe, I found a way to spice it up a little with some muddled lime. I always forget how much I dislike Tonic Water until I make a G&T and then it all comes back to me. Once again, I have sacrificed myself for the good of all Sip Nation!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
This is a solid drink, but I’ve never been a huge fan of tonic water. What helped make the concoction a little more palatable was muddling the lime wedges and leaving them in the drink to counteract against the beyond bitter tonic.

April 19 – Mad Fuzzy Melonade

Posted on April 19, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

The Pursuit of Pucker

Like Bilbo Baggins running out of his hut and through the shire, I yell, “I’m going on an adventure!”

The difference is, while Bilbo traversed much of Middle Earth and had to contend with orcs, dwarves, elves and other wacky creatures (not to mention singing), all I had to do was walk out dejectedly from a handful of American Walmart stores (although the front door greeters can often resemble Gollem) and set off to the next possible home of the magical elixir I was questing.

These are certainly not the greeters I’m accustomed to…

As much as I like drinks featuring the blue raspberry flavour, my absolute favourite taste is watermelon. I’m a fiend for the fruit, almost eating the rind to get every last morsel of watermelon goodness.

When I first heard of the existence of Watermelon Pucker, I knew that I would one day have to own the nectar, and have since always made a point of checking liquor and other grocery stores hoping to stumble upon my sought after treasure.

Repeatedly, it was not meant to be. The closest I could find in my home province of B.C. was Bols Melon Liqueur. Recently, I’ve also tracked down Midori, but neither of these is really meant to highlight the essence of watermelon.

Imagine my surprise when Mrs. Sip and I stopped into a store at the Flamingo Hotel in Las Vegas last month and I found the beautiful concoction. As I always do, I headed straight for the liquor display (knocking down fellow customers in my wake) and started checking out the bottles available. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I caught the word “Pucker” on one of the mickeys.

It was only an offering of the cherry-flavoured Pucker, but I felt as if Las Vegas’ lady luck was smiling upon me that day. Behind the cherry bottle were two other Pucker varieties. I threw them off the display, causing the poor store attendant to summon security. And there it was… the last of the three options was my Watermelon Pucker.

Sweet baby Jesus, my long wait and hard effort had paid off. I never lost sight of the light at the end of the tunnel and for that, I was rewarded.

As we paid, I kept the bottle tightly pressed to my chest, stroking its smoothness and muttering “my precious.” It finally dawned on me that we were in an erotica store, complete with books on beginner BDSM and other naughty mementos.

Today, I share with you the sweet potion I rescued from an eternity without me. Just don’t let it go to your head!

Drink #109: Mad Fuzzy Melonade

1.5 oz Dekuyper Watermelon Pucker
Top with half Lemonade and half Lemon-Lime Soda
Garnish with Watermelon Candies

Sip Adivsor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
A sweet and sour drink, I enjoyed it despite the fact that it was not a very boozy drink (the Watermelon Pucker is only 15%). The drink tasted similar to a watermelon Jolly Rancher candy, so can’t complain!

April 18 – Golden Cadillac

Posted on April 18, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Carmageddon

I’ve never been a big car nut. Hell, the instant someone starts talking to me about engines, makes and models, or brake pads in need of replacement… well, that’s when the ol’ mind drifts more than a suped-up Tokyo racer. That said, there are a number of vehicles I wouldn’t mind taking a spin in. Drivers, start your engines!

Mystery Machine – Scooby-Doo

Granted, today it looks more like a van where either smokeouts or rapes would occur, but the Mystery Machine is a pretty fine vehicle. I could join the entire gang as we traipse across the world and solve mysteries, getting paid with food and lodging. I would certainly rival Freddy for best ascot and perhaps Shaggy and Scooby could teach me how to stuff an entire 40-layer sandwich into my mouth in one gulp.

Pope-mobile

My only wish for riding in the Pope-mobile is that someone would make an assassination attempt on my life and then I could laugh at them through the bulletproof glass. Why someone would have a beef with The Sip Advisor will forever be an unsolved mystery. Perhaps they are a time traveler from the Prohibition Era and they realize I am the reason the whole concept never worked out. Bring it on, you anti-alcoholite.

Batmobile – Batman

I don’t know what would be more exciting: riding in the Batmobile with Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson, or getting access to the super-secret Batcave. If those bastards blindfold me before taking me there (and it’s not for anything kinky), I will be super pissed. The second we spot that bat signal, we roll and I only pray that the villain for our selected adventure is one of the hotties, like Catwoman, Poison Ivy or Harley Quinn!

General Lee – Dukes of Hazzard

Really the only thing anyone wants to do in the General Lee is slide through the open window into a seat and go off some crazy dirt road jump. Aside from that, who would ever want to live in Hazzard County with the nefarious Boss Hogg and his lackey Rosco P. Coltrane? Unless you’re looking to settle down with Daisy Duke and get her out of those cutoffs, then it’s just not worth the hassle.

DeLorean – Back to the Future

Doc Brown, Marty McFly, and I would have made an amazing trio, revving up to 88 miles per hour and seeing where the DeLorean takes us for our next adventure. It would be a foregone conclusion that I would somehow find a way to make myself never born. I feel that would make me invisible and that way I could go around and spy on Mrs. Sip undetected. I could then perform hilarious antics like hide her contact solution and eat her freshly-baked cookies.

K.I.T.T. – Knight Rider

I’ve been on too many late night, lonely drives to count and it would have been nice on these journeys to have someone – or more aptly something – to converse with. A talking car is just the beginning of what K.I.T.T. (Knight Industries Three Thousand) has to offer drivers. All those fun buttons to push would keep me entertained four hours, like a never-ending sheet of bubble wrap. Plus you get to hang out with David Hasselhoff… not too shabby!

Ecto-1 – Ghostbusters

Imagine hauling ass, in the Ecto-1, to the site of a ghostly disturbance with your proton packs charged at the ready and the thrill of being a member of the Ghostbusters team. Yeah, The Sip Advisor, Egon, Ray, Peter and Winston… has a nice ring to it, don’t you think!? I wonder if Slimer is as cool behind the scenes as he seems in front of the camera. I ain’t fraid of no ghost!

A-Team Van – The A-Team

Riding shotgun with B.A. Barracus and the gang, in the A-Team van, would be pretty sweet. I don’t think I’d bring much to the A-Team, but perhaps I could be their manager or something – setting up an A-Team website and organizing their bookings – letting Hannibal concentrate on strategy for taking down the bad guys.

Ferrari – Magnum P.I.

I’m an associate of Robin Masters, much like my boy Thomas Magnum. As an acquaintance, I have been given access to all of Mr. Masters’ toys, including the Ferrari. Together, Magnum and I would work the Hawaiian Islands, helping those who have found themselves in trouble and landing countless babes with our wild moustaches and overgrown chest hair.

Drink #108: Golden Cadillac

2 oz Galliano
1 oz Crème de Cacao
Top with Milk
Garnish with a Kit Kat Stick

My only requirement with all of these vehicles is that their respective theme songs be pumping on a continuous loop whenever we go for an outing. What track would be blasted in the Pope-mobile? Well, Hell’s Bells by AC/DC, of course!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
A very tasty drink indeed! Perfect for dessert, the Milk-based cocktail is delicious and the Kit Kat Stir Stick was the much-needed final touch to take the cocktail up a few notches.

April 17 – Kinky Bubbles

Posted on April 17, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Hot and Bothered

Today I’m going to talk about the more, how do you say, “sensual” side of the Sip Adivsor (akin to what Zumanity is to a regular Cirque du Soleil show). Despite what critics may say, I am a normal, red-blooded, male and as such, I am prone to being turned on by women wearing sexy outfits. Here are some of the get-ups that get this Sip Advisor up!

Business Woman

Now this may have something to do with Mrs. Sip’s chosen profession, but I love me a powerful woman. One who can take charge and exemplify that air of swagger. Perhaps the best thing business wear offers is the idea of corruption… turning a hardworking, dedicated-to-her-profession lady into your possession. Sounds pretty good, huh!?

Why waste time with the stock market when you have other, more delicate matters, to attend to!?

Super Heroine

There are some sexy female super heroes (and villains) out there. Whether it’s Batgirl or Catwoman, Rogue or Mystique, DC or Marvel, it really doesn’t matter. Put them into a costume and tell them their greatest superpower is they can take care of all of your needs. Then let the fun commence!

Schoolgirl

This seems to work for almost all fellas out there and on any given Halloween, you’re bound to see a ton of girls out there dressed up like they’re en route to attending class. It’s gotta have something to do with the short plaid skirts and tight white tops. This is why I refuse to send my kids to private school in the future!

Christmas

Christmas is one of my favourite times of the year. Giving and getting presents is awesome. Spending quality time with loved ones is special. Seeing ladies in sexy Christmas-themed lingerie might as well be the icing on the eggnog. And don’t you dare forget the jingle bells!

Which one do you unwrap first!?

Sex Kitten

It’s simple, but effective: tights, ears, tail, whiskers… not much to the whole look aside from that. Other animal costumes work too. During Easter, you can go bunny style (cotton tail on the tush!… something that we saw the bikini version of around the pool in Vegas recently!) and show rabbits how it’s really done. Well, I guess not all animals work. I don’t even know how you’d pull off a giraffe.

Naked

Of course, if all else fails, I’ve never been opposed to a little skin… or a lot!

Drink #107: Kinky Bubbles

1.5 oz Kinky Liqueur
Top with Champagne
Garnish with Orange Twist

Well ladies? How about you? What looks do you like your guy to pull off? Let me know… all’s fair after all!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
This was my first opportunity to use our recently purchased Kinky Liqueur and while I see potential in the libation, I still can’t give top marks to any Bubbly cocktail. We shall march on!

April 16 – Alabama Slammer

Posted on April 16, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Locked Up

I’ve never been to jail… but I’m willing to bet that it would be fun. If TV and movies have taught me anything (they haven’t), it’s that I’d be able to keep quite active by joining football, basketball, and baseball teams to compete against the guards. When you factor in running from scary inmates – a form of dodge ball – and all the weight lifting I could do, I’m pretty sure that I would be in the best shape of my life! There’s also the lifelong (til death penalty do us part) friendships I would make. So based on my vast television watching experience and the one time I had a run in with “the fuzz”, which almost resulted in a speeding ticket, here are my tips for surviving the slammer:

1) Getting acquainted with your bunk mate

You’re new to the place and really have no right to claim top bunk. If the dude you’re stuck with has already claimed that spot, guess what… you’re bottoms, boieeeee! Better get comfortable, brotha, you might be there a while.

2) Picking a gang

While you could try to fly solo in the clink, it’s probably best that you align yourself with similar-minded people. If the Mighty Ducks movies have taught us anything, it’s prudent of you to go into a flying-V formation, while shouting “quack, quack, quack”. Not only will that show other gangs that you are a united front, but also that your clique has some serious mental instability and is not to be messed with.

3) Making a shiv/shank

No matter how protected you might be thanks to the crew that has adopted you, having a readymade weapon in case of any brouhaha would be quite beneficial. My suggestion is to try and fashion some sort of makeshift gun. Your fellow prisoners will never know what hit them!

4) Earning a reputation

You don’t have to be the tough guy in your cell block, but if you bring something unique to the table, you might be able to slip under the radar for your extended stay. Morgan Freeman (The Shawshank Redemption) was known as the guy who could procure things… Clint Eastwood (Escape from Alcatraz) had only one passion: to escape from prison… Burt Reynolds (The Longest Yard) liked playing football… and Sean Penn (Dead Man Walking) had a thing for lethal injections.

5) Getting drunk

You will miss things you once knew and loved in the outside world. But just because you’re locked up doesn’t mean you can’t have some of those things, even if it is at a lower-graded experience. I have a wonderful recipe for toilet wine. If you’d like the details, please send your credit information to me. See, this is how I got into trouble in the first place.

6) Finding God

I heard that this often happens in jails, which could be good if, like me, you haven’t managed (or gotten around to) finding him, her, or it “on the outside”. And who knows, you may even manage to turn your whole spiritual discovery into a profit, just like George Bluth did with his infomercial promoting his video series “Caged Wisdom”.

If all else fails, the consumption of toilet wine often leads to self-discovery of prayer to the porcelain god as you return your elixir to where it once came from…

Now let’s enjoy something much better than toilet wine!

Drink #106: Alabama Slammer

0.5 oz Vodka
0.5 oz Southern Comfort
0.5 oz Amaretto
Top with Orange Juice
Splash of Grenadine
Splash of Sweet & Sour Mix
Garnish with an Orange Slice and a Maraschino Cherry

Really, if I was sent to prison, I’d probably just do a ton of napping. I’d probably be known as the ‘cat guy’… that is until someone tried to chase my tail and got scratched for doing so!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
It had been a couple years since my last Alabama Slammer and I was quickly reminded of how enjoyable this drink is. I’ve seen other versions of this recipe, but this is the one I was able to pull off with the ingredients I had. Sloe Gin would have been a nice touch, but it just can’t be found in Canada.

April 15 – Whiskey Sick Day

Posted on April 15, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Under the Weather

Recently, your faithful Sip Advisor contracted a flu which knocked me for a loop and caused me to miss my very first days of work due to illness. During my three-day sabbatical, I worked diligently to document my ordeal and I hope to share those notes with you, my little sippers, today. Don’t worry, all the gross stuff has been removed unless you find under-garnished hamburgers as disgusting as I do!

The first day I wasn’t feeling well I still dragged my butt to work and even played soccer, part of a rotating sports league I’m a member of. For some reason, I’ve always played well when ill. While this wasn’t the seven goals I sniped a few weeks back in ice hockey while playing with a cold, it was a half decent performance. Afterwards is when I really started feeling grungy, though.

The next morning I woke up and decided to pull the plug on my iron-man streak. I grabbed a spot in front of the TV and searched for some suitable entertainment… quickly learning that there’s not much out there.

When I myself was just a little sipper and was home from school sick, The Price is Right was a favourite viewing pleasure of mine. Bob Barker and his crusade to get your pets spayed and neutered was something all viewers could get behind… plus Plinko was pretty awesome!

The first thing I noticed when watching the show last week is that it now employs a male prize model. The strapping young man is hard not to notice among the horde of attractive women. I wonder if Bob Barker’s sexual harassment allegations would have been any different with less of Barker’s Beauties around. Rod Roddy, on the other hand, would have certainly found himself in hot water with all the males running about.

The funniest thing is seeing male contestants win a prize and go to hug all the ladies, only to double clutch when approaching the guy and go for the ol’ handshake-hug-reacharound.

My TV viewing pleasures didn’t stop there as I tuned into the Maury Show for some paternity results. Not the best idea to try and catch a nap while moms are screaming about babies having the same eyebrows as prospective daddies and these fine gents are denying they’re fathers with more passion than they’ve ever put into, well… anything!

One case in particular caught my attention as a guy, who was denying his daughter, kept bringing up that he had bought his girlfriend a $900 engagement ring. It was mentioned like 10 times, no exaggeration. Did he follow up the proposal by treating her a two-can-dine for $9.99 meal at Mickie D’s!?

Later on during my sickness, I had a massive craving for salt and grease. In my mind, I knew that a quick jaunt to McDonalds was the only way to appease these desires. Without Mrs. Sip around to take care of me and explain to me that McDonalds is not recovery food – she was off gallivanting around town, selling my secret recipes to unscrupulous barkeeps… or so my delirious mind told me – I had to venture out into the rain, umbrella-less and forage for food. While at the restaurant, and figuring I didn’t want to make the brief trip again, should the urge arise a second time, I ordered four hamburgers.

Sadly, I was only able to stomach one (and that was a challenge… damn, I hate it when Mrs. Sip is right!) before throwing the other three in the fridge for a later date with destiny. Those other meals were massive disappointments, with two of the three sandwiches only containing one pickle… and tiny slices at that. This has been a longstanding issue between myself and Ronald McDonalds’ peeps. I’ve complained before, something I’m rarely charged enough to do, but the results of my pleas have not been satisfactory.

Lastly, I largely stayed away from alcoholic bevvies during my recovery, save for my work on this site. However, I felt best – and this could be a disturbing sign – after I had a couple of drinks nearly a week after I was first sick. Alcohol: it cures what ails you!

Drink #105: Whiskey Sick Day

0.75 oz Whiskey (I used Wiser’s Spiced)
0.75 oz Bailey’s Irish Crème
Top with Hot Chocolate (I used Rolo Cocoa Powder)
Garnish with Whip Cream and Chocolate Sprinkles

My final observation of the week is that being sick absolutely sucks. You think it won’t be so bad being away from work and lazing around, but it’s horribly lonely, boring and tedious. At least I had sweet lady liquor and this little gem to keep me company!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
An impromptu drink to “celebrate” my recent illness, this was quite tasty, although totally messy… not that there’s anything wrong with that! The whip cream runneth over the glass, but it is forgiven because of how well it mixed with the hot chocolate based concoction on the inside of the glass. I never mind getting a little sticky for the sake of discovery!

Sip Advisor

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