November 10 – Movember Rain

Posted on November 10, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

‘Stache Central

In honour of all the dudes out there that are growing mustaches that make their partners less attracted to them, all in the name of raising awareness for men’s health, particularly prostate and testicular cancer, here’s a look at some of the greatest whiskers in the media world!

Magnum PI – Tom Selleck is so associated with his trademark facial hair that the network wouldn’t allow him to get rid of it for his role on Blue Bloods. Can you believe Selleck turned down the role of Mitch Buchannon (later went to David Hasselhoff) on Baywatch because he didn’t want to be a sex symbol… uh, hey Tom, too late, buddy!

Hulk Hogan – Hogan’s Fu-Manchu plays a vital role in his image as a do-gooder and leader of Hulkamaniacs everywhere. So much so, that when he finally became a bad guy and leader of the reprehensible New World Order, a dirty black beard was added to show he had fully embraced the dark side.

Ned Flanders – Everyone’s favoruite religious zealot has had many storylines center around his nose neighbour. Usually when Ned is forced to shave the facial hair, good things come his way. Surprisingly, when he refused to rid his upper lip of fur, the omnibenevolent one was labeled and rebel and troublemaker.

Yosemite Sam – Sam has such a wicked moustache that it actually encompasses his entire face, including around his eyes. Sam is a mentor of mine, as just like him, I am prone to obscenity-laced tirades when I’ve been outsmarted by a no-good varmint.

Captain Hook – Whether the cartoon character or the live action depiction by Dustin Hoffman, Captain Hook’s trademark cookie-duster is comical and to be feared all at the same time. If you were in his position, wouldn’t you also grow a mustache and do anything else to distract from the hooked hand!?

Snidely Whiplash/Boris Badenov/Dick Dastardly – It seems that back in the day, you couldn’t be an animated villain without sporting some sort of soup strainer. These are some of the most despicable dudes to ever exist and they evilness was only accentuated by their lower brow.

Ron Swanson – The man’s man of the Parks and Rec crew just wouldn’t carry the same respect if he was sans mustache. He is such an aficionado that he’s gone on to teach others how to grow a great mustache and NBC even has t-shirts with Swanson’s likeness available in their shop.

Mario, Luigi, Wario & Wailuigi – These four guys have a yearly competition to see who has the best lady tickler. My vote goes to Wario and his lightning bolt-esque flavour saver!

Machete – What would an anarchist assassin be without a badass ‘stache!? For Machete, the facial fur is all part of the look meant to strike fear in the hearts of those he is paid to dispose of.

Cleveland Brown – In flashbacks, it’s revealed that Cleveland has had a rockin’ ‘stache since his teenage years and when his son shaves it off in an act of revenge, we learn why. Apparently Brown’s voice is created thanks to the hairs and without the mustache, it sounds squeaky and pathetic.

Inspector Clouseau – Clouseau’s mustache was based off of fellow fictional investigator Hercule Poirot, but I’ll take the funny man over the more serious detective any day… providing it’s the Peter Sellers version and not the Steve Martin one.

Borat – I just can’t imagine Borat without his goofy lip foliage. The Kazakhstan journalist has been an inspiration to me and millions around the world, showing us all what lengths we should go to in order to get a story done.

Ron Burgundy – What would a 1970’s newsman be without an epic crumb catcher? In fact, some posters for the upcoming Anchorman sequel prominently focus on the icon’s mustache and that’s all you really need to know before going into the theatre!

J. Jonah Jameson – The Spiderman hater sports a push broom similar to one Adolf Hitler… could there be a connection there? I’m sure Spiderman and all his employees would think so.

Evil Abed/Evil Cartman/Evil Spock – For some reason, a character can be turned “evil” simply by adding facial hair to their usual look. I’ve experimented with this theory every Movember, by becoming a complete and total dick throughout the month!

Drink #314: Movember Rain

Muddle Berries and Mint Leaves
1 oz Vodka
0.5 oz Chambord
Top with half Grapefruit Juice and half Pineapple Juice
Splash of Lemon Juice
Dash of Simple Syrup
Garnish with Mint Leaves and a Berry

Who possesses your favourite upper lip caterpillar? Unfortunately, this is one area where you won’t all be shouting my name. I just can’t seem to grow great facial hair. Good, yes… but great… not for the Sip Advisor.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
There’s a lot going on in this cocktail and I think that detracts from the overall enjoyment on the drink. When you get a focused sip of the Chambord, for example, it’s very good. On other sips, however, you get a mix of different juices and so on and it’s hard to pinpoint a taste. I’m not a fan of weird, combined, unidentifiable flavours, so it’s too bad that happens in this recipe. I tried to make the mint leaves look like a moustache… mission accomplished!

November 9 – Mind Eraser

Posted on November 9, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Blackouts: Good or Bad?

Today, the Sip Advisor puts aside all the jokes and funny pictures and gets serious, examining one of the greatest issues facing the drinking world: blackouts.

Sorry, blacked out about being all serious and stuff!

In the interest of full disclosure, I have to admit that I am prone to the odd moment of blacking out when on a really heavy drinking bender. Most of Sip Nation jokes about missing scenes and not remembering what we did the night before. Some of these blackouts have been the cause for great stories and laughs later, but they can also be a little scary.

I know the day after one of these moments, I can feel a little off. I’m not sure if it’s from embarrassment over forgetting what happened or the brain having to reboot.

The Disney theme parks have been home to two of my most infamous blackouts. I detailed the first for the Hidden Mickey original recipe and in that post, I promised to share the details of Mrs. Sip and my country crawl at Disneyworld: Epcot, during our honeymoon. Well, little sippers, pack your bags and prepare for another adventure:

Our cruise ship (18-day Panama Canal route) arrived in Ft. Lauderdale, Fla. at 7am to end that leg of our journey and we were two of the first people off the ship, quickly catching a cab to the airport to grab a rental car, before making the three-hour drive to Lake Buena Vista and the last couple days of our vacation at the Florida theme parks.

While Mrs. Sip enjoyed a little nap, I drove furiously (is there any other way), with the goal of being in the park for 1pm. We arrived at our hotel, checked in, bought our tickets, and hopped on the shuttle to the park, making it into Epcot for just slightly after our target.

We had always hoped to do the Epcot country crawl of enjoying a drink in each showcase and this was our opportunity. We also visited during the park’s Food and Wine Festival, providing ample opportunity to make our dreams a reality. After a wonderful Mexican lunch outside that country’s pavilion, we grabbed our first beers of the day (each ordering a sampler, which contained four half glasses of various styles).

As we started to work our way through the brew, we looked at each other and neither of us was really feeling up to party. We had drank pretty heavily the night before, given it was the final night of our cruise and we had some stock to finish. We chatted about just taking it easy and enjoying the country showcases, perhaps returning to the country crawl idea later in the day… then fate intervened.

Out of nowhere, we started chatting with two brothers and their female friend from Philadelphia. They too were enjoying a beer sampler each, but seemed to be a little deeper into the drinking than we were. Once they heard it was our honeymoon, they decided to crash it and join us for a little bit, frequently announcing to the massive crowd that we were honeymooners.

Mrs. Sip and I played along and decided we’d hang out with these strangers for a little bit before splitting off and doing our own thing. We ended up spending the rest of the day with them, stopping off at each pavilion for drinks, food, and laughs. The two guys were great at poking fun at other guests (isn’t people watching awesome!) and drawing fellow drinkers into our circle. We even left the park briefly to meet their parents.

This is such an awesome idea… next time!

Given it was our honeymoon, they were also quite generous in buying Mrs. Sip and I a couple drinks and the last thing I remember from the park was downing Irish Car Bombs in the United Kingdom showcase pub. From that point on, things are a little fuzzy and even fuzzier as I write this one year later.

Ever the gentleman, I do remember making sure Mrs. Sip got a seat on the packed shuttle bus we boarded, while I swayed back and forth in the aisle. The rest of the night disappears into a black hole from that point on.

The next day I awoke to stories that Mrs. Sip had ordered late night cheese bread (a staple of her drinking diet) from Domino’s and that I had insisted on ordering a pizza to go along with it. After eating one slice, I reportedly passed out and was dead to the world until morning.

We visited the Universal Studios parks the next day (by the way, those attractions are not to be missed) and I was thankful I had driven and wouldn’t be inclined to drink. I did have a beer or two over the day, always quick to hop back on the trolley, but was definitely in recovery mode, as my frontal lobe tried to mend itself.

So, blackouts: good or bad? Wait, what was the question?

Drink #313: Mind Eraser

0.5 oz Vodka
0.5 oz Kahlua
Splash of Club Soda
Garnish with Lime Wedge

What is your opinion on the ominous blackout? Is it something to be enjoyed and marveled at? Or is it something to be feared and avoided at all costs? I await your replies!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4.5 Sips out of 5):
This shot was a pleasant surprise. I’m usually not enthralled by Coffee Liqueurs, but there was something about this recipe that made me forget all about my hate for java. Perhaps it was my inclusion of Smores Vodka that made this shooter so palatable. I even made myself a second round of the shot to enjoy it again!

November 8 – Sweet Tweet

Posted on November 8, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Technologically Traditional

Yesterday, we looked at my favourite apps and while I’ve embraced the games and information tools available to tablet and smart phone users, there is a lot of technology I refuse to adapt to. Kicking and screaming, I’m trying to hold onto my familiar way of life. Here are some items I refuse to give up or learn.

Laptop Mouse

It may surprise some that the Sip Advisor, this internet guru you’ve come to love, still uses a mouse with his laptop. I hate that little square built into the actual computer that you’re intended to use. I find that it completely slows my progress down. I occasionally use Mrs. Sip ‘s laptop for some site work and I wish she’d regress back to a mouse so that I’m more comfortable operating her computer.

Touchscreen Keyboard

Recently, my old phone died on me and I was forced to upgrade. I had dreaded this day for some time, as I knew it meant losing my pullout keyboard. I think too many errors occur with the touch screen typing system and don’t even get me started on Mrs. Sip’s swiping texts that are littered with spelling errors and unrecognizable words. I often respond to her with a simple “?” because I have no clue what she’s writing me about. And sometimes I do it just to be a dick!

Websites (Instagram, Linked In, Foursquare)

While I’ve joined sites like Facebook, Twitter, and even Pinterest, there are numerous other social media hubs that I just can’t get into. I don’t get the rage over Instagram and the weird filters people use on their low-resolution pics, I don’t care to meet business contacts through Linked In (I mean, my contacts would just be winos and alcoholics anyway), and I don’t need to let everyone know I’m still sitting on my couch through Foursquare!

Cell Phone Photos

Speaking of low-res photos, I really don’t understand why people are relying on their cell phones to capture the greatest moments of their life. I get it that you’ve shelled out a fair amount of money for these devices and that bringing along an actual camera is another hassle to deal with, but you just can’t replace the quality of image a real camera provides. No matter how good cell phone pixel quality gets, it will never supersede the ol’ digital camera.

Ear Buds

Am I the only person in the world who absolutely despises these sound delivery devices? Everywhere I look, people have ear buds jammed into their head. That’s not to say I don’t like listening to music, but I prefer to have an actually set of headphones and not something that constantly feels like it’s going to fall out of the snugness of my earlobe. Perhaps my ears are made to the specifications desired for bud usage, but I hate those little things.

Tablets

I have nothing against tablets and I think they are actually pretty neat with the big screen and all the functions they can provide. That said, between my laptop and phone, I have no intention of ever purchasing one. Donations will be accepted (they always are!) at the Sip Advisor headquarters, however. If anyone is tired of their iPad, Tab, Surface, or Nexus, you know who to ship it to.

E-Reader

I barely read enough print books to justify having eyes and a brain, let alone an e-reader. Mrs. Sip spends countless hours on her digital book, which infuriates me to near madness. No, I don’t see the Sip Advisor picking up a Nook, Kindle, or Kobo anytime soon; unless it becomes the only way for little sippers to read my awesome work… then I’ll practically become the face of the industry!

Video Game Systems

I’ve said it before and I’ll probably have to say it again: I will not buy another video game console. After the Nintendo 64, I held out for years without buying a system until finally caving an buying a Playstation 2 near the dying days of the console. Then I said it again before becoming enamored with the Nintendo Wii, again in its later years of existence. Clearly, I’m not an early adopted and I may own all of these products right before they become useless!

Drink #312: Sweet Tweet

1 oz Rum
0.5 oz Galliano
0.5 oz Peach Liqueur
Splash of Lime Juice
Dash of Cherry Syrup
Garnish with Lime Wheel

Which items do you refuse to purchase and accept as the way things are done today? Am I the only one who refuses to give up the Discman, Sega Genesis, and MySpace!?

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
I “borrowed” this recipe from a photographed menu from the Mandarin Oriental Hotel in New York, which also offers guests the Garden of Google, Brbon Tumblr, and… the SipAdvisor. Hey, wait, hold on a second. Should I be asking for royalties? Perhaps a cease and desist order? I’ll have to contemplate my legal options! As for the cocktail, it wasn’t bad, but it was a little too sweet. I guess that was implied in the drink’s name.

November 7 – Angry Bird

Posted on November 7, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

App-ology

I think apps are pretty great, for the most part. They help us get through those boring dinners with “friends” and keep us distracted when taking awful public transportation. No need to app-ologize, here are some of my favourite programs:

Mixology

The Mixology app has been wildly important with the operation of this blog. It is full of thousands of drink recipes and I have often consulted the program for ideas for this site. Even before I became the Sip Advisor, I was using the app to impress friends and family with cocktail creations. One of its functions allows you to enter in all the ingredients you currently have stock and it will provide you with all the drink recipes you can achieve with your bar supplies.

Angry Birds

I’ve discovered that the only birds I can tolerate are Angry Birds. Perhaps I appreciate that we are on the same level rage-wise. I like how the franchise is always coming up with new ideas (and dastardly birds) to keep fans engaged in sequels. While I’ve enjoyed each Angry Birds game I’ve played, I would have to say that my favourite versions have been the Rio movie partnership and the Space setting. I have yet to play Angry Birds: Star Wars.

TV Show Favs

As you all know, the Sip Advisor is a TV connoisseur. As such, there are a lot of shows and episodes for me to keep track of. Thankfully, this little program was designed and I’m able to check off each episode of a show I’ve watched, so as to not repeatedly view the same program over and over again. There’s even a scheduler, which will keep you informed of airings of your favourited series’, keeping you completely in the television loop.

Candy Crush Saga

I’m enjoying the puzzles in Candy Crush Saga, but I’m not a fan of being asked to pay to continue playing or bugging people of Facebook to get more levels and power-ups. I understand that the company needs to make money somehow, but it sucks to be locked out of a game for two days at a time, waiting for more adventures. While I’ve enjoyed other casual games more, I like the gameplay and art of this entry and would recommend it.

Super Stickman Golf

While I’m just getting into the sequel, I have to admit that I like the original entry in the series better thus far. I feel, at times, that the developers of the second game over-extended themselves and made levels more difficult than they needed to. There was simplicity to the first Super Stickman Golf that I will forever love. For those who have never heard of the title, you play wonderfully-imagined golf courses, such as urban cityscapes, deserts, frozen wonderlands, and castles.

Bad Piggies

While I enjoy Angry Birds better than its spinoff Bad Piggies, this game is pretty good too. In each level, you’re trying to build a contraption for the bad piggy (the antagonists of the Angry Birds series) to race to the finish line, collecting valuable stars along the way. Some of the content I’ve encountered so far in this game has been a little confusing, but I’m slowly wading my way through the issues and getting accustomed to this new style of play.

Temple Run 2

I had seen people obsessively playing Temple Run before I had a phone that was capable of downloading it. When I finally grabbed the sequel for myself, I quickly found out why. While you’re basically doing the same thing over and over again, every run is different with alternate maps, obstacles, routes, and coin placements. I have a couple little complaints like there being a lack of gems and other artifacts to find (they just don’t come up as often as you would think), but I still recommend people check out the title.

Drink #311: Angry Bird

1 oz Scotch
1 oz Peach Liqueur
Top with Apple-Lime Juice
Splash of Lemon Juice
Garnish with Fuzzy Peaches

With a brand new phone that allows me to get all the apps my previous phone couldn’t handle, I’d love to know what all my little sippers out there are enjoying. Pass along your favourites and I’ll reward you with all my usual hard work!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (5 Sips out of 5):
Without a doubt, a truly wonderful drink. Apple-Lime juice once again earns a 5-Sip rating, but the real treasure in this cocktail is how you can’t even tell there’s Scotch in the recipe, which would make some people cringe at the idea of even sampling the drink. The stars totally aligned for this wicked martini!

November 6 – Dubble Bubble

Posted on November 6, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Chewing Good

I recently bought Mrs. Sip a bottle of Bubble Gum Vodka… okay, busted… it was for me, just as much as for her, but in my defense, I’ve never tasted it until making this drink, while Mrs. Sip is a fan of the fun spirit. Here are some other bubble gum facts to be enjoyed with this cocktail:

People who spell words like “gross” wrong make ME sick!

People have been chewing gum for over 5,000 years. The product was first made using natural latex (so, like chewing on a condom) and later a synthetic rubber (so, like chewing on a condom!).

Bubble gum was first invented by Walter E. Diemer, an accountant for the Fleer Chewing Gum Company, who was experimenting with new recipes. That’s a diehard accountant for you. This is the product that eventually became Dubble Bubble. The colour pink was chosen because it was the only dye available to Diemer, as well as being his favourite hue. This dude would have done quite well with the ladies, thanks to his dedication to his job and love to the rosy colour.

Sugar-free gum has been shown to reduce cavities and plaque and can actually help patients recovering from abdominal and gastrointestinal surgeries, as it helps with removing obstructions. Gum can also be beneficial with gastro-esophageal reflux disease because people chewing the candy swallow more, which neutralizes the acid on the esophagus. Plus, they’ll also have minty-fresh breath!

The Guinness World Record for biggest bubble blown is 23 inches, produced by Susan Williams of Fresno, California. Apparently the naughty girl used her hands to hold the massive bubble, as there is also a record for not using supports. Chad Fell produced this record with a 20-inch blow. And yes, I meant for that to sound dirty!

Gum isn’t all good, though, as there are many negative aspects to the products.

Swallowing gum may not reside in your stomach for seven years, as the old urban legend stated, but it can’t be digested and will pass through your system as is. I leave that to your own imagination.

Also, remember when you were a little sipper and gum was outlawed in elementary school? Well, it was also banned in Singapore in 1983 as the city-state grew tired of the cost of cleaning the sticky substance, as well as the possible dangers the discarded gum presented.

And doesn’t everybody hate getting gum stuck to the bottom of your shoes or reaching beneath a seat or table and touching someone’s discarded gum wad? One study found that 250,000 pieces of gum were stuck to the ground on Oxford Street, in London.

Other gum facts:

There are two famous bubble gum “art” areas in the United States, where tourists stick a piece of their gum among the millions of pieces fossilized in the region: Bubble Gum Alley in San Luis Obispo, California and the Gum Wall in Seattle, Washington (I’ve seen this one personally and it’s actually pretty gross… not even my bachelor party inebriation could mask my disgust). Somehow, the areas have become tourist attractions and popular stops for wedding photos!

In Africa, gum is sometimes used as a dowry payment for a wife, as opposed to sheep and oxen. It took me two tubs of Dubble Bubble for Mrs. Sip’s father to permit me to marry her… he wanted three, but I bartered him down!

Drink #310: Dubble Bubble

1.5 oz Bubble Gum Vodka
Top with Jones Bubble Gum Soda
Garnish with Pieces of Gum

What is your favourite bubble gum-related fact? I wish you all the best in your chewing endeavours!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
This martini was in fact a Triple Bubble, thanks to my garnishing of the drink with a spear of Dubble Bubble gum pieces. I offered it to Mrs. Sip and she liked it, being a fan of the Bubble Gum Vodka. She didn’t even know a product like Jones Bubble Gum Soda existed, but that’s part and parcel of my job… bring little known ingredients to the masses attention!

November 5 – International Incident

Posted on November 5, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Drink Nation

I recently stumbled upon a report about the 10 greatest drinking nations in the world. Sadly, Canada did not make that list, but neither did our neighbours to the south… or even their neighbours to the south. Here are my thoughts on those that did crack the top 10 and where I think Canadians need to improve to better our future ranking.

10. Australia

While Australia has wine and beer creations to its credit, I can’t think of any liquors they’ve introduced to the world. The article does point out that former Australian Prime Minister Bob Hawke made the Guinness Book of World Records for downing 2.5 pints of beer in 2.5 seconds. If that’s the effort your politicians are putting forward, I guess you deserve to be on this list.

Wow, even the roos are getting in on the act!

9. Germany

The land of Oktoberfest; the event which has largely earned them this spot on the countdown. Germany is known for their beer making, beer serving (wenches impressively carrying eight beer steins at the same time), and beer consumption. Although the Czech citizens drink more beer than the Germans, that’s still not enough to topple this suds nation.

8. Uganda

How does an African nation make this list? Does professional wrestler Kamala (the Ugandan Giant) have something to do with this, forcing the country’s way onto the list through sheer intimidation tactics? Apparently residents will gather and sit around a pot of ajono (beer-like substance) and pass a long straw around. Not sure that earns their way onto this list.

7. South Korea

All this despite South Korea’s strict social guidelines. Apparently, it’s common practice in the country to get plastered on mixes of beer and whiskey and let loose, getting out all of your pent-up anger and frustration. So, basically what every drinker in the world does when they’re a few wobbly pops deep into the night!

6. Moldova

According to the World Health Organization, Moldova is the most liquored up nation in the world. Stats say that per person, each resident drinks 18 litres of alcohol in a year. Does that include children? The former Soviet nation’s favourite hangover cure is pickle juice and I’m down with that. Perhaps we could share some Moldovian fruit brandies, followed by pickles for breakfast!

5. Ecuador

The local liquor in Ecuador, Zhumir, is affectionately known as “hangover in a bottle”… that’s a challenge the Sip Advisor would like to take, given my invincibility towards the morning after suffering. Etiquette in the country dictates that you cannot start drinking until someone has made a toast, so if you’re all alone, make sure there’s a mirror in your room to cheers yourself.

4. France

Home to the Champagne region and too-many-to-count wineries. Apparently the people of France turn their nose up to selling liquor from other countries. That’s not really surprising, but it means they’re really missing out, especially with Belgian beers, Spanish sangria and English gin offerings so close to their borders.

What does this have to do with drinking? Nothing, but I’m posting it anyway! Suck it, France!

3. Russia

Russians drink vodka at all times of the day. It’s just their way of life. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, bedtime snack… no time of day is enjoyed sans vodka. Russia is the all-important buckle of the Vodka Belt. I’m totally down with people that don’t drink in normal conventions. We’d get along real well.

2. China

Sadly, this site has never received a viewer from the massive country of China. Thanks to the nation’s censorship laws, citizens often have to tether on to other countries internet signals to access non-governmental approved sites. I guess the more citizens you have (and China of course has tons) the more liquor you need to keep the population docile and happy and therefore your portfolio in the alcohol world grows.

1. United Kingdom

While I’ve always had a good time drinking in the U.K., I’m not sure I agree with the country taking the top spot on this list. That said, the country is lined with bars that are often packed to the brim with people looking to get boozed up. They can also be credited with much of the world’s gin production and for that, we thank them. Party on Brits!

Drink #309: International Incident

0.5 oz Irish Crème
0.5 oz Vodka
0.5 oz Amaretto
0.5 oz Coffee Liqueur
0.5 oz Macadamia Nut Liqueur
Splash of Milk
Garnish with Macadamia Nuts

If the fine folks in Mexico can’t even crack the list, despite their IP on tequila production, then us schlubs in Canada shouldn’t feel so bad. I also question nations like Ireland (although I guess it’s kind of part of the U.K.) and Belgium not cracking the top 10. I want answers, dammit!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4.5 Sips out of 5):
This recipe is intended to be a shot, but I increased the ingredient increments and turned it into a nightcap cocktail. The drink gave me my first chance to use our Macadamia Nut Liqueur, which I subbed for the originally scheduled Hazelnut Liqueur and it tasted great. A highlight of the cocktail was the hint of salt you got with each sip, thanks to the Macadamia Nuts garnish!

November 4 – Cajun Kiss

Posted on November 4, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Tender Loving Care

Everybody has their own way of expressing love towards family and friends. I’m prone to copying cats and bashing my head against people to let them know of my affection! Here are some other examples of how to share your adoration:

Hongi

When Maori people greet each other (or even non-Maori folk), they lovingly touch their noses and foreheads together in a momentary embrace. If exchanged with an outsider, that person is no longer considered a visitor to the tribe. This action means that individual could be required to assist with tribal needs and that can include anything from tending to crops to even helping the tribe during times of war. Mrs. Sip and I have received this rite of passage and I will come to the defense of the Maori, if I am ever summoned.

Butterfly Kiss

This is the act of fluttering your eyelashes together with your lover, much like a butterflies wings flap. I’ve been led to believe that this type of kiss can be quite romantic, as two lovers stare longingly into each other’s eyes. I’m not a fan of getting eyelashes into my own peepers, so I certainly don’t want to welcome other’s lashes in, either. That said, Mrs. Sip has some tempting, lovely eyes, so perhaps I’ll have to get over my own fears.

Eskimo Kiss

The Inuit are known to rub their nose against a loved one’s faces when greeting one another in an act known as a kunik. A kunik can be done against a family member or friend’s nose, cheek or forehead. It is a misconception to think the Inuit perform this act so they don’t freeze together while sharing a kiss. It is actually done because the people often only have their nose and eyes exposed when outdoors, where they may come across someone they have to greet.

French Kiss

Most people know about the French kiss (the act of locking tongues with your lover in an open mouth embrace), but they don’t know how the term came about. Look no further, as the Sip Advisor has all the answers. Apparently it comes from the French having a reputation for engaging in more sexually adventurous practices and that includes the act of “the lover’s kiss”. You have to imagine that someone would have discovered this kissing variance eventually, though.

Spiderman Kiss

The smooch made famous by Tobey Maguire and Kirsten Dunst (or at least their stunt/body doubles). Every time I’ve put myself upside down (and trust me, it happens much more often than Mrs. Sip would ever like) I don’t receive any sugar in response. I thought women got all hot and bothered by that scene in Spiderman. Why do I get such disdain when I’m hanging upside down from ziplines, diving boards, and other inanimate objects?

Hickey/Vampire Kiss

Halloween just passed, but that doesn’t mean you can’t break someone’s skin every now and again with a perfectly planted artery attack! When Mrs. Sip and I were just young teenagers in love (or was it lust), we didn’t do the hickey thing much. Anytime it did happen, we were teased so much by our family and friends that we decided to abandon the neck kissing arts. Nowadays, I think Mrs. Sip sometimes tries to get me marked just to embarrass me… that no-good, sexy she-devil!

Drink #308: Cajun Kiss (A Sip Advisor Original Recipe)

1 oz Cajun Spiced Rum
0.5 oz Midori
0.5 oz Gin
Top with Apple-Lime Juice
Garnish with Lime Wheel

Have I missed your favourite style of kissing? Just remember to keep it clean. You never know how many fucking kids read this site!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4.5 Sips out of 5):
This was a very good drink, which we created while experimenting with our new Cajun Spiced Rum. I largely created the recipe, but Mrs. Sip suggested the addition of the Gin and it was the touch that completed the cocktail. The Apple-Lime Juice was its usual spectacular contributor and has really become a go-to mixer for me.

November 3 – Dragon’s Breath

Posted on November 3, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Mythological Mayhem

I’m not really one for mythological beings, but if forced to pick a few favourites (as I’m being charged to do so here) these are the creatures I would pick:

Dragon

I like some movies based around dragons. How to Train Your Dragon was really good and Pete’s Dragon was a childhood treat. In each of those films, the dragons (Toothless and Elliot, respectively) were of a friendlier, loveable personality. I’m also a fan of the Eddie Murphy-voiced Mushu, but not particularly in the movie Mulan, but for the little dragon’s appearance as co-host of the Disney Animation Building’s ‘How to Draw’ attraction.

Pegasus

The winged horse that I best remember from Disney’s Hercules cartoon, where it helped our hero Herc battle the forces of James Woods (otherwise known as Hades and evil incarnate). Wrestler Chris Benoit was also known as the Pegasus Kid and Wild Pegasus early in his career, as he toured Japan, Mexico, and Europe. Back to the stallion, one myth states that Pegasus was born from the spurting blood of a decapitated Medusa. Those Greeks sure no how to spin a yarn!

Centaur/Minotaur

Sometimes I wish I was half-man and half-beast… well, even more so than when I’m on a raging bender! What’s the difference between a centaur and a minotaur? A centaur has the body of a beast and head of a man, while a minotaur is of the opposite persuasion. While some may think that it’s hard to pick from one of these designations, I’d choose centaur in a heartbeat. That way I could look as gorgeous as I do now and be able to be a high profile athlete thanks to my tremendous lower body strength.

Unicorn

The national animal of Scotland (which still cracks me up to this day), was purported to have magic qualities. It was thought that the unicorn’s horn could be ground up and used in potions to help cure the ill. During medieval and Renaissance times, the horn of the narwhal was often sold to those looking to harness the unicorn’s powers. Nowadays, the horns of rhinoceroses are sold to those looking to increase their sexual virility. To sum up: horn = good.

Griffin

This creature mixes the head and wings of an eagle with the body of a lion. Geez, can you imagine if lions could fly. Good luck keeping them pent up in a zoo, even if they do sleep away most of the day. I like big cats like lions and such because I think they possess a surliness of sorts. Anyway, getting back on track, the griffin combines an animal I love with an animal I detest, so what does one do in cases like that? I guess you just focus on the positives… go Hufflepuff!

Gremlin

While I prefer gremlins when their still in their Mogwai state and they haven’t been fed after midnight, like the uber cute Gizmo, they do serve an entertaining and often hilarious role even when they’ve crossed over to the dark side. Gremlins are often portrayed negatively, which has upset supporters of their society. They’re usually seen tampering with in-flight airplanes and disrupting other machinery. They should not be trusted, should you ever come across one.

Kraken

I like Kraken Black Spice Rum and shouting “Release the Kraken!” when we’re swimming in Ma and Pa Sip’s pool is a favourite pastime of mine, so the Kraken is a must for the list. The Kraken is usually depicted as an enormous sea monster, similar to a giant squid or octopus. It is capable of bringing down an entire ship and has been blamed for numerous tragedies at sea. These false accusations have caused the Kraken to remain hidden, deep beneath the surface and we may never know of its actual existence.

Gargoyle

The Disney cartoon, Gargoyles, is one of those extremely underrated shows that had enjoyable elements for kids and adults alike. Along with the humour of gargoyles adapting to a 20th century New York City (after being awakened from thousands of years trapped in stone) many storylines were dark, complex, and featured adult themes such as betrayal and hatred. Being a self-effacing person, I’ve adopted Moe Szyslak’s line about being a gargoyle, although I’m told I have model cheekbones!

Phoenix

While the first thing I think about when I hear the word Phoenix (aside from the Arizona town, of course) is Jean Grey’s evil character in X-Men (making her so much more interesting that plain old, boring Jean Grey), the Pheonix is another mythological bird that must be vanquished from the world. The only problem is, the Phoenix will continually rise from the ashes of its predecessor and haunt me with loud noises, poop bombs, and dive-bomb attacks.

Werewolf

There’s a great episode (aren’t they all!) of American Dad where Steve thinks he’s been turned into a werewolf, while at the same time, Roger has taken in a wolf to overcome his distress after the death of his two sea monkeys. Don’t just take it from me, go watch the episode. I’ve never really been a huge fan of werewolves and the whole Twilight franchise did nothing to help with that matter. Team “Who Gives a Fuck” was a more accurate take on the series.

Drink #307: Dragon’s Breath

Rim glass with Caesar Spice
1.5 oz Dragonberry Rum
Top with Cranberry Juice
Splash of Lime Juice
Dash of Hot Sauce
Garnish with a Lime Wheel

What are your favourite mythological animals? And please don’t send me any replies citing Pokemon or anything else having to do with Japanese culture like Godzilla and Mothra. Seriously, those people come up with the craziest stuff!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
I added just the right amount of Hot Sauce to this cocktail. It wasn’t so much that the drink was hard to enjoy and it wasn’t too little that you didn’t get a slight burn at the finish of each sip. I added a Caesar Spice Rim to give each sip that extra kick of heat!

November 2 – Porn Star

Posted on November 2, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Curiousity Killed the Pervert

I’m a curious person and as a curious person, I do a lot of thinking. In line with today’s shot, these are questions I have come up with for the porn industry!:

Good lord, Mrs. Sip would be Seductive Teaser… how incredibly accurate!

1) Can you do a threesome in the shower?

I just think that the risk-reward quotient and the dangers of tub slippage would prevent such scenarios. Heck, most showers don’t even fit TWO people comfortably, let alone three and you have to imagine that producers are searching for the cheapest option possible, which precludes mansions and their expansive bathing spaces.

2) Do porn stars get danger pay?

On the subject of dangerous situations, I wonder if performers receive some sort of additional pay in line with the added risks they take on a daily basis. For example, the larger the object used, the grungier the location filmed in… how about the more the merrier with each person added to a scene? The cash could add up pretty quickly if this is the case.

3) Are tramp stamps industry identification tags?

It seems like you can’t get through a single scene without seeing at least one tramp stamp… multiple lower back tattoos if you’ve picked a really good movie! Is this like how puppies and kitties get tattooed on the inside of their ear in case they go missing? Can stars be tracked for research purposes and have their stats recorded for prosperity?

4) Will their every be a porno filmed in anti-gravity?

I’m not sure how much money has to be shelled out for someone to rent out an anti-gravity simulator, but you have to think that any erotic movie filmed in a setting like this would make that money back in spades. Thinking of this scenario has got a million procedural questions circling in my mind, but perhaps I should stop while I’m ahead, as thus far, I’ve been able to write an entire post about adult films and not delve into too controversial territory.

Drink #306: Porn Star

0.75 oz Blue Curacao
0.75 oz Raspberry Vodka/Liqueur
Dash of Milk
Garnish with Maraschino Cherry

I gotta say that the research for this post was probably the most fun I’ve had to do for this site. Do you have any questions you’d like me to forward to the adult industry?

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
This classic shot recipe had to be done at some point in this project. Most recipes don’t include the dash of Milk, but I thought that was a hilarious addition to the shooter. It was my choice to garnish the shot with a Maraschino Cherry and I’ll let your imaginations figure that one out. I can’t say a bad thing about the liquors used in this shooter and everything comes together in a nice, neat package (get it!).

November 1 – Day of the Dead Cocktail

Posted on November 1, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Burial Blitz

Halloween may be over, but we still have the Day of the Dead to celebrate. What better way to do so than look at interesting burial rituals from around the world! Here are some of the most bizarre:

Dining In (Papua New Guinea/Brazil)

Practiced by the Melanesians and Wari peoples, the ‘Feast of the Dead’ was used to bolster a lasting relationship between a recently deceased person and their loved ones. With the ingestion of the body, that dead person was also making one last sacrifice for the tribe, helping them get over their grief. Along these lines, the Yanomami will cremate a body first before consuming the ashes with a banana paste. Mmmm, that’s good eating!

Soul Searching (Tibet)

The Buddhist believe that the body is just a capsule for the soul to live. Therefore, when a person dies, the body no longer has any worth and is dismembered and left to be eaten by scavengers. Ground burial isn’t really a possibility in the frigid mountains of the region and so this is apparently the best way to deal with the deceased. Just think of all the condos that could be built if we no longer needed space for cemeteries.

Totem Poled (Pacific Northwest)

The Haida would take the bodies of their most respected citizens and crush it with clubs, making it fit into a box similar in size to a suitcase. It would then be placed upon a totem pole, which was to protect the individual and guide them into afterlife. Apparently this left quite the stench, though, as described by original missionaries to the areas. Bears must have also been a problem, as they searched for that ever-elusive picnic basket!

Hard Knock Life (Northern Europe)

The slave girl of a dead high-ranking Viking would be forced to have sex with every man in the village before being strangled to death and stabbed by a village matriarch. She would then be placed aboard a ship, with her master’s body and the ship would be lit on fire. This was all done to make sure the slave would serve her master in the afterlife and the Viking’s life force would be released through the mass sex (known today as rape).

Apparently you all aren’t good with grieving either!

Cliff Dive (China)

The Bo people buried their dead in caskets on platforms that jut out from the side of cliffs in southwest China’s Gongxian County. Why they did this is a mystery, as the civilization was largely wiped out by the Ming Dynasty centuries ago. Today, they are referred to as the “Sons of the Cliff” or “Subjugators of the Sky”. The cliffs also feature murals showing examples of how the Bo lived, similar to the Egyptians hieroglyphics.

Light My Fire (Bali)

This mass burning of bodies is at least followed by a feast of epic proportions, so at least you always have that to look forward to. The Hindu population of the island bury village members as they pass away in a mass grave. When there are enough bodies (I’m not sure of how many constitutes “enough”) the bodies are unearthed and placed on a float, which is showcased around the village (this ain’t no Disney parade), before being lit on fire in the hub of the settlement.

Immolation Sensation (India)

Today, we comfort a widow in the event their partner dies, but back in the day, it was a whole different story, particularly for women. In India, women were subjected to burn themselves to death during the funeral of their husband, in an act known as Sati. Of course, not all participants were willing. Some believe that the Sati was started to make sure wives wouldn’t poison or otherwise dispose of their husband to marry a lover. I hope Mrs. Sip keeps this in mind!

Drink #305: Day of the Dead Cocktail

1.5 oz Tequila (I used 1800 Reposado)
0.75 oz Grand Marnier
Splash of Orange Juice
Dash of Cinnamon
Garnish with Cinnamon-Dusted Orange Slice

Of course, there are many other burial traditions out there, but I found these to be the most interesting. Can you imagine having to take part in any of these? What burial techniques fascinate you? Until next time…

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
This cocktail wasn’t that bad. I like how the Cinnamon dusting kicked in at the end of each sip and added some spice and flavour to the drink. The Grand Marnier was my favourite component of the recipe and I feel the orange-flavoured liqueur works quite well with Tequila.