October 1 – Slapshot

Posted on October 1, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Hockey Tough

It’s not even debatable… hockey players are the toughest athletes in the world. While baseball players miss time with blisters and soccer stars writhe on the pitch and clutch their legs on phantom touches, NHL’ers play through devastating injuries on a regular basis. As the league returns to action tonight for their 2013-14 season, these hombres must be saluted as the toughest of the sporting bunch!

Steve Yzerman (2002)

Steve Yzerman is known as one of the greatest leaders in sports history. In 2002, Yzerman suffered a serious knee injury, but refused to let it keep him down. Yzerman had good reason to continue playing, though. His Detroit Red Wings lifted the 2002 Stanley Cup, mere months after he was an integral member Canada’s 2002 gold medal triumph at the Winter Olympics. Following that glorious year of events, Yzerman had to have his knee completely realigned, but still returned to hockey that season.

Patrice Bergeron (2013)

Continuing to play at a professional level with broken ribs is one thing, but imagine that same injury resulted in a punctured lung. Most normal people can’t even laugh with broken ribs, let alone play a highly physical and demanding sport. Patrice Bergeron played through Stanley Cup Final games with a punctured lung, among other injuries. It’s not like Bergeron didn’t already have a Stanley Cup on his resume, as the Bruins had won the grand prize just two years earlier, but Bergeron continued to play so as not to let down his team.

Jacques Plante (1959)

You’re already pretty tough in my books if you’re willing to stand in front of the net and have shots fired at you, as well as players crashing your crease… you’re even tougher if you did it back in the days of limited padding and no face masks. In a 1959 game, Jacques Plante took a slapshot to face, breaking his nose and cutting him open. Plante simply got stitched up, put on a mask and returned to ice. The occurrence ushered in the goalie mask as a regular protective device in the NHL.

Mario Lemieux (1993)

In January 1993, following repeat Stanley Cup championships and amid another wildly successful season, Mario Lemieux announced that he would be taking some time away from hockey to treat his Hodgkin’s lymphoma cancer diagnosis. Not ever cancer could stop Super Mario, though. He returned to hockey two months later and on the same day as radiation treatment to score a goal and add an assist. He was even given a standing ovation from the opponent Philadelphia Flyers fans, some of the toughest supporters in all of sports.

Gregory Campbell (2013)

There’s something about the current crop of Boston Bruins that is admirable. On top of Patrice Bergeron’s struggles from the Stanley Cup Finals, there is also the case of Gregory Campbell, who stayed on the ice to kill the rest of a penalty after blocking a shot which broke his leg. Campbell struggled to stay in the play and break up whatever he could before hobbling to the bench and leaving the game.

Bobby Baun (1964)

During the Toronto Maple Leafs 1964 Stanley Cup finals series with the Detroit Red Wings, defenseman Bobby Baun broke his leg blocking a Gordie Howe shot. He was taken from the ice on a stretcher, but reemerged on the bench for the overtime period. Although he wasn’t known for his offensive abilities, the hockey gods looked down kindly upon Baun that night and he notched the overtime winner, forcing a game seven. The Leafs would hoist the cup days later with Baun still in the lineup.

Paul Kariya (2003)

Before concussions were such a hot button topic, a player could “get his bell rung” and be back on the ice in no time. But imagine taking one of the hardest open ice body checks in hockey history, from one of hockey’s all-time thunderous hitters and returning to the ice minutes later to score a huge goal, extending your team’s playoff life and championship bid. That’s exactly what Paul Kariya did when Scott Stevens flattened him in game six of their Stanley Cup Final Series.

Drink #274: Slapshot

Rim glass with Pop Rocks
2 oz Tequila (I used Sauza Gold)
Top with half Brisk Strawberry-Melon and half Club Soda
Garnish with Lime Wedge

There are people out there who don’t go to work when they twist their ankle or have a cold… not the noble hockey player, however. Much respect to the brotherhood of hockey players out there. Let the games begin!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
This was an impressive drink. The Brisk Strawberry-Melon, which had found itself tucked away in the fridge for far too long, came out and had a career-making appearance. No more riding the pine for this mixer… it earned itself a brand spanking new contract with this gutsy performance!

September 20 – Blue Hawaiian

Posted on September 20, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Mahalo

Mrs. Sip and I, along with members of the Sip Alliance are off to Hawaii in a couple days to celebrate my ‘Dirty 30’! I figured it would be a good time to look into things to do on the islands (I will focus on Oahu and the city of Honolulu, as that’s where we’re staying) and while the list could basically say “do absolutely nothing,” there are actually a few must-see and must-do attractions to be enjoyed!

Hike Diamond Head

While I’m vehemently opposed to any exercise while on vacation, the sights from atop Diamond Head are said to be spectacular, giving those brave enough to traverse the volcanic cone a view of the entire island paradise. I only wish it was like the 1975 game show The Diamond Head Game, where contestants stepped into a ‘money volcano’ and tried to grab flying cash!

Buy Something at the Aloha Stadium Market

When Mrs. Sip and I hit the market during our last visit, I grabbed a Hawaii 5-0 t-shirt that said “Book’em Danno” (my dad’s nickname for me when I was a wee little sipper), while Mrs. Sip grabbed a bottle of balsamic vinegar. There are so many other great items up for grabs here, but it doesn’t take too long before you tire of the search. Make sure to keep hydrated in the heat.

Pay Your Respects at Pearl Harbor and the USS Arizona Memorial

The Ben Affleck flick just doesn’t do the story justice… in fact, it probably detracts from the history. The site was home to Japan’s attack on the United States on Dec. 7, 1941, pulling the country into World War II. Make sure to grab your ticket for the attraction early in the day, as the limited vouchers are sold before the morning turns into afternoon.

Learn at the Polynesian Cultural Center

Eight different villages are honoured at the Cultural Centre, including Tonga, Samoa, New Zealand, Fiji, Tahiti, and others. Here, you can get a henna tattoo, learn how to hula dance, participate in tribal games, or even sample the utterly disgusting poi. A true highlight is the Royal Feast, which will leave you completely stuffed, as you enjoy Polynesian dancing and other performing arts.

Do an Island Pub Crawl

In researching this article, I found out there is a Dave & Buster’s in Honolulu, so that is definitely going on the list. Sadly, though, Senor Frog’s closed down this year due to a rent disagreement. When Mrs. Sip and I were on the island in 2009, we travelled around and found some amazing spots and drink deals. Pitchers of beer for $5 and $2 Mai Tais… this isn’t brain science!

Eat, Eat, Eat

There are numerous locations you have to visit in Hawaii for their culinary delectables. From American cuisine favourites at The Cheesecake Factory to romantic seafood meals at Duke’s and everything in between, there’s something for every taste on the island. Mrs. Sip and I found this hidden Mexican joint the last time we were there and hopefully we can track it down again!

Get Wet at Waikiki Beach

Whether you want to try your hand at surfing or snorkeling, play among the waves that crash against the shore, or just hang out on the sand and perfect your tan, hitting the beach offers all this and more. I like to grab a spot close enough to the bars on the other side of the street so that you’re primed for when hunger, thirst, or happy hour strikes.

Appreciate Wildlife at the Honolulu Zoo or Waikiki Aquarium

Perfect for kids and adults who still want to be young, both the zoo and aquarium are home to a number of amazing animal species. The zoo houses 1,230 animals that will keep you enthralled with their behaviour, while the aquarium is located right along the beach, the optimal setting for viewing creatures of the water. Must-see attractions for all ages.

Drink #263: Blue Hawaiian

0.75 oz Light Rum (I used Bacardi)
0.75 oz Vodka
0.5 oz Blue Curacao
Top with Pineapple Juice
Splash of Sweet & Sour Mix
Garnish with Lemon and Lime Slices

Do you have any suggestions for our upcoming trip and birthday celebration? We’ll try to squeeze it in among all the drinking and relaxing!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (2.5 Sips out of 5):
There are other Blue Hawaii and Blue Hawaiian recipes, but I went with the traditional offering. It was a strong drink and needed a little dilution to taste decent. Perhaps using a Pineapple or Lemon-Lime Soda in the future would give it a little more zip.

August 28 – Big Dipper

Posted on August 28, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Chippy Dippy Challenge

You little sippers should know quite well by now that I fancy myself to be a potato chip sommelier of sorts. With the Lays chip company presenting a new flavour competition, “Do Us a Flavour,” I assembled some of my rival chip connoisseurs (like gathering the heads of the five mafia families) to critique these new offerings suggested by the public. I tried submitting a flavour as well, but kept getting bounced out of the site, theorizing that the company and the world was not yet ready to handle Honey Garlic Ranch… sounds pretty awesome, doesn’t it! Here are our notes on the chosen flavours:

Creamy Garlic Caesar

I’ve had BLT chips before, so the idea of lettuce flavour on chips isn’t too foreign. This chip seemed to be the winning choice among the four tastes and I’m happy to report the contributing customer comes from my hometown. I love the Caesar dressing flavour and the chip reminded us all of Sour Crème and Onion, but enhanced. Cousin Sip suggested they could be crushed and used as croutons on salad, but you’d want to apply just before eating so as not to let them get too soggy.

Maple Moose

Basically this flavour could be summed up as a true slice of Canadiana, but it really translates to meat and maple syrup. Ma Sip liked its smoky taste, but others found that same zest to be a little overwhelming. I can’t say that I’ve ever had moose meat, so I’m not sure how close they came to mimicking that essence. I guess that makes me less of a Canadian… oh well!

Grilled Cheese and Ketchup

This flavour intrigued me as despite my hatred for cheese, I don’t mind grilled cheese sandwiches, providing a white cheese like mozzarella is used. However, this recipe favours a little too much on the cheese side, with Cousin Sip suggesting that the ketchup ingredient be enhanced a little more or even the addition of some dill powder would take this entry to a whole ‘notha level.

Perogy Platter

Something was missing from the Perogy Platter variety. Perhaps some more onion or bacon flavouring would make the taste a little bolder. It was still an enjoyable chip, though, similar to a fully-loaded baked potato type. It also proved that deep fried, crunchy perogies are the way to go and not noodle-esque boiled potato cartridges. Long live the fryer!

Drink #240: Big Dipper

1 oz Brandy
1 oz Dark Rum (I used Captain Morgan)
Dash of Cointreau
Splash of Lime Juice
Top with Lemon-Lime Soda
Garnish with Lime Wedge

This will not be the last Chippy Dippy Challenge, as I plan on hosting this event annually… or every couple weeks (I love potato chips that much!). What do you think of the above flavours? Have any suggestions of brands/styles/flavours to try? I’m just a click away!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
This was the first time I mixed Apricot Brandy with Rum, usually pairing it with Gin and both work very well. I subbed out the originally suggested Club Soda and Sugar and replaced it with Lemon-Lime Soda to even up all the requirements. I tried to make the Lime Wedge garnish look like a chip being dipped into the cocktail.

August 20 – Cactus Kicker

Posted on August 20, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

I’m With Stupid

Kicking a cactus would be a pretty stupid thing to do… but I’m no stranger to stupid! Here are some of the wicked awesome things I’ve done that most would construe as stupid:

Balcony Jumper, Extraordinaire

After a full day of poolside boozing, I stepped inside to order the Sip Alliance some pizzas (and Mrs. Sip some Indian food – she always has to be the difficult one). After re-emerging from the house I spotted a challenge I’d always wanted to tackle and never taken the chance. I quickly hopped up onto the ledge of the balcony that overlooks our pool, let out a manly growl, and cleared several feet of concrete leaping into the pool below.

Things went off without a hitch… until Cousin Sip posted a Facebook status about it, prompting Ma Sip to reply in a not-so-thrilled manner. Mrs. Sip, while impressed with the feat, wasn’t very happy with me either. She made me vow never to perform the death-defying jump again. When the two most important women in your life aren’t happy with you, you know you’ve done something wrong. I promised that evening that my balcony jumping days were a thing of the past… but no one ever said the roof was off limits!

You Win Some, You LUGE Some

The more you speed, the more you bleed! That was the local motto when Mrs. Sip and I took to the Commercial Street Luge track in Rotorua, New Zealand. We’re both speed demons, but Mrs. Sip wanted to ease herself into the luging, starting with the beginner track and working her way up through intermediate and expert. I jumped straight to intermediate and after one warm-up run, I was flying down the expert course with ease. This would make a spectacular video, I thought, as I finished up my second of three runs.

On our third run, we both hit the expert track, with Mrs. Sip leading the way. Since I was such an expert, or so I thought, I was in charge of filming the track. I started rolling tape, but steering and holding the camera at the same time was proving difficult. Rather than bail on my glorious plan, I tried to make it work. Then I got to the point in the track where there was a sharp turn and a steep drop where usually you gain a bit of air. Before I knew it, I was veering towards the concrete curb, launching myself out of my vehicle and onto the thankfully grassy embankment.

Sadly, this is not how Mrs. Sip treated my numerous boo-boos…

My shirt was stained with dirt and grass, my arm sliced open and bleeding, and our camera worse for the wear, and my watch scuffed. Mrs. Sip was waiting at the bottom of the course wondering why I was taking so long to finish and thinking she had beaten me handily and was a born-speedster. As I finally finished my run, she could sense something was wrong. Luckily the sorest thing was my pride and it ended up making a decent story.

Double-O-Stupid

My 19^th birthday was a mix of good and bad. On the plus side, I was now legal age to drink alcohol. Not a huge deal because I’d been drinking for a few years by that point, but it would make procuring liquor easier. On the downside, Mrs. Sip and my relationship was only six months old and she had recently left for the United Kingdom for a year-long exchange program.

I decided to celebrate quietly with a couple friends and in a moment of nostalgia, we made plans to play the classic James Bond video game Goldeneye (much like we had done together in our formative years). The one caveat: each time you were killed, you had to do a shot of whiskey.

I have no clue why I ever agreed to this idea… I was never that great at the video game to begin with. It wasn’t long before I was running to the sink to lose my milk and cookies and my buddies weren’t far behind. Here’s where the Sip Advisor legend began to grow though… I went back to doing shots. Not many folks can get drunk twice in the same night!

Speed Trap Follies

I’ve only been pulled over for speeding once in my 14-year driving history. I think that’s a pretty damn good record. During the one time I wasn’t so lucky, I had just returned Mrs. Sip to her university residence and had a 30-45 minute drive in front of me to get back home. Given it was already 3am and I had school myself in the morning, I was looking to make short work of the trip. I had just hit about 30 kilometers above the speed limit, on a road I knew to be a trap for police, when I spotted a cop car ahead. I tried to slow down, but I was already busted.

The officer took my license and registration and asked me a couple questions, which mortified, I answered. As a struggling student, I surely didn’t need to be paying off a hefty speeding ticket. When the patrolman returned, he handed me back my papers and license and revealed that he was going to let me off with a warning. His parting words: “By the way, happy birthday!”

Drink #232: Cactus Kicker

1.5 oz Tequila (I used Hornitos)
0.5 oz Melon Liqueur
Top with Pineapple Juice
Splash of Sour Mix
Splash of Lemon-Lime Soda
Garnish with a Lime Wedge

What stupid things have you done, perhaps after a few too many beverages? Surely, I can’t be the only dumb person around here. Or maybe that’s what makes me a legend!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
This cocktail is like a twist on the margarita. While I enjoyed most of the ingredients, I wasn’t very fond of the Pineapple Juice. When it became a little more diluted I enjoyed the drink more.

July 25 – Boilermaker

Posted on July 25, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Beer… The Musical!

There are countless songs out there that could have made this beer playlist, but all you little sippers know that I strive to provide you with the pinnacle of entertainment and in doing so, I can’t include everything. Therefore, I present to you, songs you can get blotto to, the beer edition!

The Beer Song – ‘Weird’ Al Yankovic

Might as well get started with a little humour. I’ve always enjoyed Weird Al, having grown up on the parodist’s work. So long as he isn’t performing one of his polka numbers, I’m down with giving his tracks a chance. The best line of the song has to be “Beer is liquid bread it’s good for you, We like to drink till we spew,” which would have been appreciated even more by adolescent Sip Advisor!

Red Solo Cup – Toby Keith

While not solely used for beer consumption, red Solo cups figure heavily into beer pong and the downing of suds during many a barbecue and party. The song is performed by country star and boozehound Toby Keith, who has so many tracks involving alcohol that he should be the patron saint of all country and liquor fans.

Friends in Low Places – Garth Brooks

“Where the whiskey drowns and the beer chases my blues away”… a Garth Brooks classic that somehow became the anthem of my and Mrs. Sip’s wedding… regardless of the live band that played some amazing classic rock covers. This song is perfect for everything from camping to parties, to apparently even the exchange of nuptials. And trust me, we all have friends in low places… our wedding proved that fact!

One Bourboun, One Scotch, One Beer – George Thorogood

I’m not a fan of story songs and this one runs a little long, but the message is what it’s all about. The dude is having a tough day and all he wants is one bourbon, one scotch, and one beer. What’s wrong with that? He’s even drinking them in the proper order of liquor before beer and you’re in the clear. I personally think any beer drinking occasion should begin with this process, to honour Mr. ‘Bad to the Bone’!

Beer Drinkers and Hell Raisers – ZZ Top

Leave it to the wise, beardly ZZ Top boys to slam brews and raise hell. I could see myself totally getting bad ass to this song… which in my realm means slamming a bunch of beers and doing stupid stuff in and around Ma and Pa Sip’s pool. This is a really good tune for anyone that hasn’t heard it before and will probably be my theme music for future beer pong tournaments (I host one every year!).

In Heaven There is No Beer – Soggy Bottom Boys

Well, if this is true, it’s very disheartening. We work our entire lives to be good and virtuous, with the hopes it will get us entry through the pearly gates and into a land of paradise. If we get there and no beer is to be found, well I for one will be one grumpy Sip Advisor. I’m sure much of Sip Nation would feel the same. That’s when we rebel and burn the place down. I bet they serve iced cold ones in hell!

Warm Beer and Cold Women – Tom Waits

Continuing with our downward trend, these could quite possibly be two of the worst things known to humans. Thankfully, for myself, Mrs. Sip is a freakin’ furnace and warm suds have never really been a concern for me, thanks to my great ability to plan and organize beer refrigeration ahead of my arrival. It’s like I’m a god damn celebrity up in here!

99 Bottles of Beer – Everyone Ever

This is probably a good one to end the list with, as it shows just exactly how low we’ve regressed thanks to the pyramid of beer cans we’ve built. Our beer-amid is a gift to the world, more meaningful than the Statue of Liberty, Eiffel Tower, and Leaning Tower of Pisa combined. This tune could take us a little while to get through, so why don’t we just say we did it and head off to bed for that wonderful drunk and delirious sleep we all crave!

Drink #206: Boilermaker

1.5 oz Tequila (I used Hornitos)
Top with Beer
Garnish with Lime Wedge

Hit repeat on Red Solo Cup, drop that Tequila shot into your mug of beer, and slam that sucka!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
What can you say about a shot of Tequila in a Beer that hasn’t already been said? This cocktail packs a punch, but personally, it’s one I’d line up for to get knocked out!

July 21 – Michelada

Posted on July 21, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Beer-telligence

Let’s kick off Beer Cocktail Week on the right note with some education on the… you know what? It’s the middle of summer and I’m trying to get my tan on, so I’m going to go the lazy route with this one (ha ha, very funny, “isn’t that what you always do, Sip man?”). Rather than delight you with facts and trivia I’m able to dig up from around the internet, I’m going to let someone else do my dirty work. So, here’s an infographic from WearYourBeer.com… enjoy!

24 Things You Didn't Know About Beer

Drink #202: Michelada

1 Beer (I used Okanagan Springs 1516 Lager)
Splash of Lemon Juice
Dash of Soy Sauce
Dash of Tabasco Sauce
Dash of Worcestershire Sauce
Pinch of Salt & Pepper
Garnish with Lime Wedge

Well, this cocktail is supposed to be perfect for a hangover… thankfully, I never get them. Gotta drink something though. Cheers!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
This is a very interesting beer cocktail. Its ingredients are similar to what you’d throw into a Caesar or Bloody Mary, minus the Clamato or Tomato Juice. That said, I have heard of Michelada versions that include those juices or other alterations and I’d be curious to try some different varieties.

July 13 – Cement Mixer

Posted on July 13, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Gross Gastronomy

Today I’ll be examining the foods I don’t like to eat. Because if I don’t like to eat them, neither should you, right? I draw inspiration from today’s shot, which while it tasted well enough, is actually intended to curdle in your mouth (needless to say, the texture isn’t what I would define as “pleasant”). When I was just a little sipper, I was a very picky eater. Thankfully, I evolved and now there’s basically nothing I won’t try… except these deplorable substances:

Cheese

I’ve made some peace with my old enemy. I’m okay with most melted options and have recently expanded to try the odd non-melted offering, but in general, I have a hate-on for the stuff that seems to make girls melt (especially if you mention “cheese” and “wine” in the same sentence). It was hard growing up not liking cheese because rather like the mold in my bathtub, it was everywhere (that’s right, Mrs. Sip is slacking on her household chores again!). It wasn’t until my teens when I realized I could control the stuff by asking for sans fromage.

No one told me my cheese could come like this!

Sour Crème

Ironically, my favourite types of chips usually fall under the sour crème and [insert ingredient here – onion, bacon, etc.] category, but I can’t stand sour crème on its own or even on nachos or in dips. Perhaps it’s because I’m a diehard supporter of ranch dressing and have just found a better substitute for sour crème in my growth as an eater. One day, they will build statues in my honour grasping a ranch dressing bottle!

Yogurt

You must be getting the impression that I don’t like dairy, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. I just don’t like the taste of yogurt in the slightest. It’s made from bacteria and it tastes just like that. I won’t even kiss Mrs. Sip if she’s recently consumed some and trust me, she’s on to that fact and uses it as a repellant to my advances. But just like the persistent mosquito, I eventually get my bite in!

Popcorn

This is my least favourite of all the snack foods. I hate that the kernels always find a way to get stuck in my teeth and gums and even throat. Mrs. Sip and her family are big popcorn people, so you can start to see our vast philosophical differences. I will eat it on some occasions, but I’m a chippy man, through and through. Which begs the question: why don’t theatres sell potato chips? They’re less messy than popcorn and soooooo much better.

Tuna

My cats sure love the chicken of the sea and have been known to come in from miles away if Ma Sip is cracking open a can. Sadly, though, I’m not a fan (although I do love watching the kitties go nuts over the tuna water). The taste is just off-putting to me, regardless if it’s in sashimi form or part of a tuna salad sandwich. Give me salmon, cod, halibut, or literally anything else from the ocean, before tuna.

Ribs

Okay I know I’m against the huge majority of Rib lovin’ eaters out there, but I just don’t understand how food in which you have to constantly work around the bone is so damn popular. I eventually got over the whole bone thing for fried chicken, but with ribs, even when you get around the bones, the often fatty meat doesn’t do much for my meal enjoyment. I also don’t like getting too messy when eating and we all know that ribs are like the poster child of dirty foods, necessitating bibs and a multitude of napkins.

Tapioca/Rice Pudding

It doesn’t take a scientist to tell you what this gunk actually looks like… just any red-blooded male! I’d rather eat paper mache until my stomach exploded more dramatically than a fourth grade science fair project. And can someone explain to me the whole bubble tea craze? Do people actually want to suck tapioca bubbles through a massive straw? What am I missing here?

Drink #194: Cement Mixer

0.75 oz Bailey’s Irish Crème
0.75 oz Lime Juice
Garnish with a Lime Wedge

So, which foods irk you? Let’s see what happens when we share a little… come on sippers, bring in the love!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
I was curious as to how this shooter would come together given the mix of acidic Lime Juice and thick, rich Irish Crème. As long as it didn’t curdle, I figured we’d be in business! On my first attempt, the shot turned into instant cement and we had to start from scratch. After a little more research, I found you had to actually mix the shot in your mouth by doing two separate shots or carefully layering the shooter. Luckily I have a split shot glass, so I took advantage of that. After swishing the liquids around in my mouth it does get lumpy quick. Don’t get me wrong, it tastes good, but the texture takes a little getting used to and may incite gagging for some.

July 8 – Bend Me Over Slammer

Posted on July 8, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Drinking Class

Over my years of experience, I’ve noticed that there are many different classes of drinkers. Like a Lord of the Rings quest, you have your wizards, elves, dwarves, and hobbits and together, you all make up a party of sorts. Let’s take a look at who might be travelling with your troupe:

Sippers

The Sipper slowly consume their drinks. They may only have a couple at a gathering, taking their time to work their way through a drink… a drink that is largely ice-diluted by the time they finish. I’m not saying Mama Sip belongs in this category, but Broski Sip and I once humourously watched her gingerly sip at a drink for nearly an hour when we were at a family function in Germany and wanted to get back to our hotel (it was 3am and we had been outside all night with people who mostly only spoke the native language, as fabulous as they all were… we assume). The heartbreaking moment came at the point where she went in for a sip, got distracted by a relative and pulled the drink away from her mouth.

Slammers

The Slammer arrives at a party and goes to work like liquor is a commodity on the brink of extinction. They down a few drinks in quick succession, taking little time to actually enjoy the concoction, be it beer, wine, well drink or anything else. Before you know it, the Slammer is drunk off their ass and looking for a place to nap (in best case scenarios). Don’t get me wrong, the Slammer is fun for those few hours they’re able to join the party, but when they come crashing down, it’s best to send them on their way, find them a bed or at the very least, make sure they know where the vomitorium is.

Guzzlers

The Guzzler seems to always have a drink in his hand. Once one is finished, another is being poured. This is likely the category where your friendly neighbourhood Sip Advisor falls into. It is the alcohol version of a chain smoker… minus the emphysema and cancer.

Complainers

I’m often working hard in The Sip Advisor lab making creations for our friends. Most people enjoy getting to try unique drinks for free that anywhere around where we live would cost $8-$10 minimum. But you get the odd guest who doesn’t necessarily complain about the taste of the drink, but the alcohol content. You make them a single and they say they can’t taste the alcohol. Well, in a perfectly made cocktail, you shouldn’t be overwhelmed by the alcohol. So, I do what any spurned bartender would: double up the alcohol in their next drink. Of course, now they’re complaining that it’s too strong. What do I care, it’s not like I get tipped anyway!

Shooter

A Shooter enjoys their drinks in a similar fashion to the Slammer, but has greater longevity. They drink quickly and often, having a high survival rate. These are the people you want in charge of a function because they can keep their stuff together no matter how many libations they have imbibed in.

Unfinishers

This is the group I like the least. A cardinal rule in the Sip Advisor offices is that no drop of liquor goes wasted. The Unfinisher routinely leaves drinks half consumed… a total waste of precious alcohol and mixer. In my opinion, this should be a punishable offence. And that punishment shall be death by intoxication. Okay, maybe that’s a little harsh. How about they have to go around and finish every single half-downed drink at the party?

The Jekyll & Hyde

This one is quite obvious; it’s the drinker whose personality drastically changes with only a couple drinks: The quiet people who become loud and obnoxious. The tame people who become bold and daring. The people whose language of choice seems to change with each libation. You’ll notice that drinking never really has an opposite effect on Type-A personalities, only Type-B. If a person is already an asshole, drinking will only enhance their assholeness.

Like looking in a mirror!

The Yo-Yo

One drink, one water… slow and steady wins the race. These are the folks who fear hangovers so much that they spend a great deal of time prepping against one. Hey, whatever works for ya. Thankfully, I’m impervious to being hung. Not that I’m opposed to water… I love that shizzle!

One More Drink People

Another section that you could lump the Sip Advisor into. I’m always down with the concept of one for the road. The problem is, myself and my kin never really know when “one for the road” should ever really stop. Does it really matter, though? We’re pretty awesome people… just enjoy our company while it lasts!

Drink #189: Bend Me Over Slammer

1.5 oz Crown Royal Whiskey
1 oz Amaretto
Dash of Sweet & Sour Mix
Top with Club Soda
Garnish with Lime Wedge

Slam that sucker on the table and down it with vim and vigor. So, what kind of drinker are you? No complainers please!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
This is the first “slammer” we’ve featured at The Sip Advisor and it’s a fun little drink, despite the mess… and there was quite a bit of mess from the shaking and slamming in an attempt to get some bubbles going. I think the slammer concept is better performed in shot glasses, but I did as the recipe suggested. As far as taste goes, it was nice, but nothing amazing.

July 7 – Watermelon Mojito

Posted on July 7, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Summer in the City

With summer upon us, it’s time to throw out some ideas for things you can do with the missus or the little ones. Here are some treasured Sip Advisor summer activities!

Drive-In Movie

The whole experience might as well be called, “How to Gorge Yourself on Snacks in a Few Hours,” but that’s all part of the fun. Our local drive-in presents two or three movies each night for the low price of $12.50! Because you’re in your own car, you can chat with your car mates without being shushed by other moviegoers and can even get a little naughty with your best gal, should the inspiration arise.

That’s one hell of a line-up!

Swimming

I’ve been lucky enough to grow up my entire life with a pool in the backyard, first an above-ground tank and later an in-ground swimming hole. It’s hard to see my life without easy access to water and a place to hang out with drinks, sun, and fun. Over the years, the pool has been home to some crazy behavior, such as backyard wrestling, balcony jumps and skinny dipping!

Fire Pit

After a day in the cement pond, we’ll often light up the fire pit at the Sip Advisor headquarters, where roasting marshmallows and building smores are the first order of business. Talk around the campfire is always entertaining, especially when one member of the Sip Alliance can’t control an Irish accent he’s never exhibited before and it only comes out when he’s tanked!

Camping

Ah, the great outdoors… where people stupidly risk the elements for the sake of “getting back to nature”. I’m just thankful that I’m a dude and I can pee wherever I want, while the ladies always have to have good facilities within walking distance. Food while camping is certainly a highlight of the entire experience, with so much junk that it would make any healthy person question the entire practice.

Baseball Game

While I prefer other sports more, the ‘boys of summer’ experience is one not to be missed. It’s a great night out to hit the diamond and support your local team, whether professional, amateur, or beer league. The snacks and beer at a baseball game often overtake the actual sport itself in attention spent, but sometimes you get that special experience where your team ties the game late and wins in extra innings prior to a fireworks show (true story!).

Picnic in the Park

Very few things are as relaxing and peaceful as a picnic in the park. Just throw your blanket down wherever you’re comfortable and lay out, enjoying a spread of sandwiches, salads, chips, cookies, and wine or beer if you can sneak your sips in. You can even combine your meal with a rollerblade, bike ride, or top it all off with some playground activity!

Drink #188: Watermelon Mojito

Muddled Watermelon, Lime and Mint
1.5 oz Appleton Rum
Top with Lemon-Lime Soda
Garnish with Watermelon Cube, Lime Wedge and Sugar Cane Stir Stick

While those are my favourite activities, there are a number of things I’d like to try again from the days of summer past, like busting out the ol’ slip and slide and getting soap in my eyes or a concussion from smacking noggins with another slider. Good… no, scratch that… GREAT times!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4.5 Sips out of 5):
I love Watermelon and I love Mojitos, so put the two together and you have a winning combination. I subbed Appleton Rum in for White Rum and it was a perfect choice given Watermelon’s light taste.

June 30 – Flamingo

Posted on June 30, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Only a Mother Could Love

I’m not a big fan of flamingoes. I think they look weird and smell ever worse. I do like the hotel in Las Vegas, however, home to many Mr. and Mrs. Sip adventures, but I digress. Here is a quick look at some of earth’s other weird, odd, and not-so-attractive wildlife:

Vulture

The vulture is so ugly that they make the perfect villain. Add that to the fact that they scavenge prey that is hurt or sick and eat dead flesh (even letting other animals go first to make their job easier) and you really have one nasty bird. If their eating habits weren’t bad enough, vultures are known to vomit when approached or threatened. Can it get any worse? Of course it can. Vultures urinate down their own legs to kill bacteria from all the carcasses they wade through and also to cool themselves.

Camel

They spit at people because they know they’re ugly and won’t ever be able to repair their image. Camels aren’t even easy to ride on thanks to their humps, their humps, their lovely lady lumps. I would know. Sure they can survive forever in the desert without water and other amenities, but so can sand and I hate that, too. Apparently eating a camel’s hump is considered a delicacy in some parts of the world (you know, the crazy ones) and I’m not sure I could stomach it.

Turkey

These creatures are lucky they’re delicious, or else we would have made sure they went extinct years ago. What’s with the whole bug-eyed giblet look? It’s like they’re not even trying and have made peace with the fact that they look best cooked and served at Thanksgiving or Christmas. At least they have some self-worth, I suppose. I hope the one that is saved every year by the American president enjoys its temporary safety… for now!

Aye-Aye

These bat-rodent crossbreeds are apparently killed on the spot by natives in Madagascar, as they’re viewed as bad omens. Take one look and you can kind of understand why someone may think the little oddity brings bad luck. While I’m completely against animal cruelty, I have to admit that the Aye-Aye is one creepy looking being. As a general nuisance, myself, I kind of have a soft spot for these little freaks, who villagers believe can puncture a victim’s aorta with their little fingers.

Star-Nosed Mole

While regular moles don’t look half bad, the star-nosed mole just looks odd thanks to its tentacle-like nose, which helps the blind as a bat animal do everything it needs to, like see, taste, touch, etc. Thankfully, this isn’t the type of mole depicted in my beloved Wind and the Willows, as I don’t think Ratty would want to live with a star-nosed mole and it certainly wouldn’t be welcome at the prestigious Toad Hall.

Soft-Shell Turtle

I’d rather be viewing soft-serve ice cream than a soft-shell turtle and here’s a little TMI: these turtles pee through their mouth! While your normal everyday turtle can also have its critics, at least we’ve turned them into the loveable Teenage Mutant variety, causing a generation of kids to ask their parents for a turtle, only to find out it doesn’t eat pizza and whip out catch phrases like “radical”, “gnarly”, and “cowabunga”!

Blobfish

What a nightmare this creature is. It looks like a slug with a bitter beer face. If Jabba the Hut was ever to be a real living being, this would be it. All it does is float around and eat whatever is right in front of it and happens to get swallowed. I can respect an animal that works hard and catches its own food. One that doesn’t do much of anything will have to work harder for my endorsement.

Proboscis Monkey

While I hate to put any monkey on this list, I just can’t let this species slide under the radar. It demeans all other primates if I don’t out them. The schnoz on these beasts is pretty epic. It looks like a giant yam, except you wouldn’t be able to get yummy fries out of it. The proboscis monkey does have a wild sex life, but unfortunately isn’t very long-lasting, another mark against it.

Naked Mole Rat

And the mole makes the list twice… well done genus… or is it phylum? Ah, who cares! I normally love hearing the word ‘naked’, but in this case, all I can do is close my eyes and shed a tear. Why didn’t anybody ever tell this creature to put its clothes back on? Perhaps if it ran around wearing a miniature Hawaiian shirt and khakis it wouldn’t be so bad to look at. Add some shades and you might even have a loveable creature.

Monkfish

I can’t believe these things are actually edible and their tail meat has been compared to that of the uber-delicious lobster. It has even been dubbed “the poor man’s lobster”, but can sometimes command market prices equal or even higher than lobster. All this talk about lobster has got me all hungry. Then I take another look at the monkfish photo and adios appetite.

Drink #181: Flamingo

1.5 oz Gin (I used Tanqueray)
0.5 oz Apricot Brandy
Dash of Lime Juice
Splash of Grenadine
Garnish with a Flamingo Stir Stick & Lime Wedge

After viewing all that ugly, I have to flip through cute kitten memes before bed, just to make sure I don’t have any nightmares. Here’s a site I suggest for some happy viewing. Thanks for reading!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
There is also a Flamingo recipe that consists of Vodka, Triple Sec, Peach Schnapps, and Cranberry Juice, as well as a blend that involves Apple Schnapps, Melon Liqueur and Cranberry Juice. Why there are so many different Flamingo drinks, we may never know. This drink has a little of everything. It’s sweet with the Apricot Brandy and Grenadine, sour with the Lime Juice and bitter with the Tanqueray Gin. The taste is complex, but it works and you can’t say anything bad about the colour that results from the ingredients mixing.

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