June 30 – Flamingo

Only a Mother Could Love

I’m not a big fan of flamingoes. I think they look weird and smell ever worse. I do like the hotel in Las Vegas, however, home to many Mr. and Mrs. Sip adventures, but I digress. Here is a quick look at some of earth’s other weird, odd, and not-so-attractive wildlife:

Vulture

The vulture is so ugly that they make the perfect villain. Add that to the fact that they scavenge prey that is hurt or sick and eat dead flesh (even letting other animals go first to make their job easier) and you really have one nasty bird. If their eating habits weren’t bad enough, vultures are known to vomit when approached or threatened. Can it get any worse? Of course it can. Vultures urinate down their own legs to kill bacteria from all the carcasses they wade through and also to cool themselves.

vulture

Camel

They spit at people because they know they’re ugly and won’t ever be able to repair their image. Camels aren’t even easy to ride on thanks to their humps, their humps, their lovely lady lumps. I would know. Sure they can survive forever in the desert without water and other amenities, but so can sand and I hate that, too. Apparently eating a camel’s hump is considered a delicacy in some parts of the world (you know, the crazy ones) and I’m not sure I could stomach it.

Turkey

These creatures are lucky they’re delicious, or else we would have made sure they went extinct years ago. What’s with the whole bug-eyed giblet look? It’s like they’re not even trying and have made peace with the fact that they look best cooked and served at Thanksgiving or Christmas. At least they have some self-worth, I suppose. I hope the one that is saved every year by the American president enjoys its temporary safety… for now!

Aye-Aye

These bat-rodent crossbreeds are apparently killed on the spot by natives in Madagascar, as they’re viewed as bad omens. Take one look and you can kind of understand why someone may think the little oddity brings bad luck. While I’m completely against animal cruelty, I have to admit that the Aye-Aye is one creepy looking being. As a general nuisance, myself, I kind of have a soft spot for these little freaks, who villagers believe can puncture a victim’s aorta with their little fingers.

Aye-Aye-Captain

Star-Nosed Mole

While regular moles don’t look half bad, the star-nosed mole just looks odd thanks to its tentacle-like nose, which helps the blind as a bat animal do everything it needs to, like see, taste, touch, etc. Thankfully, this isn’t the type of mole depicted in my beloved Wind and the Willows, as I don’t think Ratty would want to live with a star-nosed mole and it certainly wouldn’t be welcome at the prestigious Toad Hall.

Soft-Shell Turtle

I’d rather be viewing soft-serve ice cream than a soft-shell turtle and here’s a little TMI: these turtles pee through their mouth! While your normal everyday turtle can also have its critics, at least we’ve turned them into the loveable Teenage Mutant variety, causing a generation of kids to ask their parents for a turtle, only to find out it doesn’t eat pizza and whip out catch phrases like “radical”, “gnarly”, and “cowabunga”!

Blobfish

What a nightmare this creature is. It looks like a slug with a bitter beer face. If Jabba the Hut was ever to be a real living being, this would be it. All it does is float around and eat whatever is right in front of it and happens to get swallowed. I can respect an animal that works hard and catches its own food. One that doesn’t do much of anything will have to work harder for my endorsement.

blobfish

Proboscis Monkey

While I hate to put any monkey on this list, I just can’t let this species slide under the radar. It demeans all other primates if I don’t out them. The schnoz on these beasts is pretty epic. It looks like a giant yam, except you wouldn’t be able to get yummy fries out of it. The proboscis monkey does have a wild sex life, but unfortunately isn’t very long-lasting, another mark against it.

Naked Mole Rat

And the mole makes the list twice… well done genus… or is it phylum? Ah, who cares! I normally love hearing the word ‘naked’, but in this case, all I can do is close my eyes and shed a tear. Why didn’t anybody ever tell this creature to put its clothes back on? Perhaps if it ran around wearing a miniature Hawaiian shirt and khakis it wouldn’t be so bad to look at. Add some shades and you might even have a loveable creature.

Monkfish

I can’t believe these things are actually edible and their tail meat has been compared to that of the uber-delicious lobster. It has even been dubbed “the poor man’s lobster”, but can sometimes command market prices equal or even higher than lobster. All this talk about lobster has got me all hungry. Then I take another look at the monkfish photo and adios appetite.

Drink #181: Flamingo

Flamingo Martini

  • 1.5 oz Gin (I used Tanqueray)
  • 0.5 oz Apricot Brandy
  • Dash of Lime Juice
  • Splash of Grenadine
  • Garnish with a Flamingo Stir Stick & Lime Wedge

After viewing all that ugly, I have to flip through cute kitten memes before bed, just to make sure I don’t have any nightmares. Here’s a site I suggest for some happy viewing. Thanks for reading!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
There is also a Flamingo recipe that consists of Vodka, Triple Sec, Peach Schnapps, and Cranberry Juice, as well as a blend that involves Apple Schnapps, Melon Liqueur and Cranberry Juice. Why there are so many different Flamingo drinks, we may never know. This drink has a little of everything. It’s sweet with the Apricot Brandy and Grenadine, sour with the Lime Juice and bitter with the Tanqueray Gin. The taste is complex, but it works and you can’t say anything bad about the colour that results from the ingredients mixing.

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