October 17 – Wicked Witch of the East

Posted on October 17, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Musical Mayhem

Today we look at my favourite musicals I’ve been dragged along, kicking and screaming, to see. What do musicals have to do with alcohol, you might be asking? Well, whenever Mrs. Sip wants to go to one, she usually plies me with booze to get me in the mood. It’s a similar process to serving chocolate fondue to your better half when you want them to play video games with you. What’s that? Us dudes are supposed to use this tactic for other benefits… oh my, how very wrong I’ve been!

Avenue Q

The way I always describe this show is “Sesame Street gone badass”. The musical features scenes of gratuitous puppet sex, while also including songs like “Everyone’s a Little Bit Racist” and “The Internet Is For Porn”. I actually introduced Mrs. Sip to Avenue Q, suggesting we see it in London’s West End after I saw an ad. She wasn’t onboard until learning that it had actually won a number of Tony awards, including Best Musical (2004), beating out Wicked, the show Mrs. Sip wanted to see. The show didn’t disappoint in it’s larger London venue or when I recently saw it again in a smaller venue at Vancouver’s Granville Island Theatre.

Book of Morman

Mrs. Sip and I were lucky to see this amazing show during another trip to London recently. It’s the hottest show right now and tickets are hard to come by. We ordered months in advance… and then blanked on the date of our performance and missed it. They hold a lottery before every show to sell 21 tickets in the front row. Mrs. Sip and I entered and were fortunate to have our entry drawn! The show was produced by the creators of South Park, who have absolutely no problem lampooning everything under the sun from religion to race and Book of Mormon is no exception.

Rock of Ages

If you love 80’s rock from all the best hair bands, then this show is for you. The energy is fantastic, the music is rocking and there are a lot of laughs to be had, as the era is spoofed. Of course, the plot centers around a small town girl and a city boy coming together in Los Angeles, as they both reach for the heights of stardom. This is the first musical I’ve been to where they actually sell drinks routinely throughout the performance.

Jersey Boys

When you leave this musical, all you want to do is download some Frankie Valli and The Four Seasons tunes and go back in time to another era. I surprised Mrs. Sip with tickets to this show as a wedding shower gift… well, after Ma Sip forgot to pass the present along to her, on my behalf. The production, which we saw at Vancouver’s Queen Elizabeth Theatre, received an immediate standing ovation as it ended, not one of those “well, most people are standing, so I guess I’ll stand too” types of deals. Oh, what a night!

Lion King

Hakuna Matata… what a wonderful phrase! Mrs. Sip and I saw the Lion King in Las Vegas and it was an enjoyable show. While I personally found that the movie is better, the musical tried to separate itself a little from its source material with a few songs that aren’t in the film and the costumes were out of this world. Perhaps best of all, is it was combined with a free buffet dinner at the Mandalay Bay resort.

Singin’ in the Rain

This is the first musical I ever took Mrs. Sip to as part of a dating anniversary gift. I suppose I set myself up for future trips to the theatre with that gesture, but I guess it’s all worth it. The best part of this show was when they flooded the stage during the titular number. Then, throughout intermission, as they worked diligently to dry the stage, I worked just as hard to make sure my stage was getting wet at the bar!

Aladdin

In its 10th year at the Hyperion Theatre at Disneyland’s California Adventure park, Mrs. Sip and I have watched the production a handful of times throughout our visits and have always enjoyed ourselves. The Genie sometimes updates his jokes, so it’s never the same show. Full of acrobats, big theatrical numbers, and even an elephant and a flying carpet, this mini musical never disappointing! Plus, since you’re already inside the park, the musical is free and you can bring a Churro in with you for snacking!

Wicked

Perhaps my favoruite element of going to a musical is the use of staging and how it is quickly changed in the course of a performance. This show had perhaps the best stage work I’ve ever seen and I can totally understand why it’s a hit production. The story of how the Wicked Witch became her wicket self is an interesting twist on the Wizard of Oz franchise, which is full of other possible origin tales.

Drink #290: Wicked Witch of the East

1 oz Melon Liqueur
1 oz Vodka
0.5 oz Blue Curacao
Dash of Grenadine
Garnish with a Broomstick

Have any suggestions of shows I should check out in the future? I’m willing to try anything once, but if you send me down the wrong path, I’ll take away your little sipper membership and secret decoder.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
Okay, so I’ve pushed this cocktail back a number of times and Halloween seemed like the perfect time to finally get it done. It’s supposed to be layered, with the Melon Liqueur and Vodka mixed together and poured on top of the combined Blue Curacao and Grenadine, but although that didn’t work out, the blend of black with hints of green around the edges I felt looked neat enough. And the Broomstick garnish… I made that myself. I know, who would have thunk the Sip Advisor had some arts and crafts talent!

October 15 – Subway Rumbles

Posted on October 15, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Transit Troubles

Recently, the Sip Advisor received a little promotion at work (mild-mannered desk jockey by day, notorious boozehound by night), which required the move to a new office. I went from a five-minute walk to work to a half hour transit trip and I consider myself one of the lucky ones. I hate taking public transit with all the other weirdoes (like Mrs. Sip!). These are the things I deplore most about commuting:

Well, SpongeBob, I’m going to try anyway!

People who don’t clear a path for exiting passengers

I won’t hesitate to throw a shoulder tackle or roaring elbow at anyone, male or female, who blocks my path from exiting a vehicle. I’ve always operated that when you are boarding a vessel, you stand to the side and let people exit before rushing on. That doesn’t seem to happen anymore and I sadly get off at a very busy station when people will feel my wrath.

Cars that fill up and you can’t get out at your stop

As if the tension of exiting a vehicle into a crowd wasn’t bad enough, some days it’s a struggle to even get to the exit at all. People don’t seem to respond to me saying excuse me, which I have to start to do before the train has even come to a full stop. Wading my way through the unintelligent humanity is often difficult and my reward is to be greeted by more as the doors open.

People who have loud, annoying conversations

Young people today (now that I’ve hit 30 and ‘old age’, I can really bash the younger generations) don’t seem to have a buffer between their brains and their mouths. They’re sharing the intimate details of their life for the world to hear, as they yap loudly into phones and to their travelling buddies. I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard a little too much information.

People who listen to their music at ear-blistering levels

I hate most people’s choice in music, but if they keep it to themselves, we have no issue. Unfortunately, there are those commuters that think their artist selection abilities are so epicly awesome they feel the need to share their tunes with every single person they encounter. The volume will only go up as they continue to erode their hearing with the horribly brash music.

People who smell awful

There are some funky-smelling people riding public transport! Luckily I only have to go two stops on my more constricted form of transportation. You can’t really blame someone who’s been out working all day for their body odor, but there are ways of masking that. If you don’t have time to put on some deodorant before rushing home, at least hang a couple air fresheners from yourself.

Delays due to incidents

I have my route to work perfectly timed. Unfortunately, all the nut cases out there in transit land seem to want to work against me and cause issues that delay my trips to the office. Unfortunately, you never really know the status of your commute until you board the system and then, you’re taking your life into your own hands with all the concerns I outlined above.

Drink #288: Subway Rumbles

1 oz Scotch (I used Glenfiddich)
1 oz Gin
Splash of Lemon Juice
Splash of Grenadine
Dash of Egg Whites
Dash of Peychaud’s Bitters
Garnish with Orange Zest

October was a good month to do this post in because public transit can be more nightmarish than a haunted house. Tell me your worst commuter stories below… come on, vent a little!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I was surprised with how much I enjoyed this cocktail. The Scotch adds a strong finish to each sip, but not so strong that you don’t like the drink. The other flavours all come together quite nicely and the drink is neither too bitter nor too sweet. It falls right in the middle for a great recipe.

October 10 – Simpson & Son Revitalizing Tonic

Posted on October 10, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Cocktail Creations

There are some pretty interesting fictional cocktails out their in media land. I vow to try each and every one of them eventually. Here’s what made it to the top of the wishlist!

Flaming Homer/Moe – The Simpsons

When Homer Simpson is stuck at home with his terrible step-sisters and not a drop of beer to be found, he panics and puts together a cocktail made of all the booze he has left, accidentally adding some children’s cough medicine to the mix. Ash from one of his step-sister’s cigarettes lights the concoction on fire and makes it taste amazing. When Homer shares the recipe with bartender Moe Szyslak, Moe steals the drink and markets it as a Flaming Moe, gaining fame and fortune until Homer reveals the secret ingredient as revenge.

The Flaming Moe is actually served at Universal Studios: Florida… another reason to go back to that amazing park!

Screaming Viking – Cheers

When Cheers has one bartender too many, the regulars want to keep Woody Boyd on the job over newcomer Wayne. When Wayne bets his job against being able to make any drink ordered, the Cheers gang makes up this cocktail on the fly in order to throw Wayne off. Of course, it’s pretty hard to replicate a recipe that doesn’t exist. The drink has since been produced by a couple of bars with varying recipes. Unless it’s served while you’re saddled up between Norm Peterson and Cliff Clavin, it just wouldn’t feel right.

Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster – The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

Invented by Zaphod Beeblebrox, the drink is described as “the alcoholic equivalent of a mugging – expensive and bad for the head” and it “is like having your brain smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick”. The drink has been created in reality for stage productions of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy and at bars around the world. Suggested recipes I was able to find largely just throw a ton of different boozes into the mix.

Green Russian – Archer

Absinthe and milk… a winning combination? Just think about it, you get your daily calcium nourishment, as well as an elixir meant to make you trip balls. This potent cocktail is the invention of Pam Poovey, director of human resources at the ISIS spy agency. Pam can often be seen walking around bars with her own personal booze chilling units, so it’s no surprise she is a liquor hound. She will even pour absinthe directly into a carton of milk! There are other Green Russian recipes available online, but I think Pam was on the right track with her rendition.

Kidney Killer – American Dad

Francine Smith was once a hard-partying girl along with her partner in crime Kelly Wilk. When Kelly comes back into Francine’s life, the two try to recreate their wild times, with Haley Smith insisting she can keep up with the women. Haley drinks the fabled Kidney Killer and winds up in need of a kidney that Francine can’t offer, herself a victim of the booze. There is a Kidney Killer recipe on the internet. It combines tequila and Southern Comfort into a shot glass. The jury’s out as to how many you need to drink to actually kill your kidney!

Thankstini – How I Met Your Mother

This martini of vodka, cranberry juice and a bouillion cube is perfect for celebrating the Thanksgiving holiday. It’s like having a home-cooked family meal in a cocktail glass. Inventor Barney Stinson has provided me with the perfect libation for upcoming Thanksgiving celebrations. All that’s missing is the turkey, potatoes and stuffing, but I’m working on it. Stinson also has drink suggestions for Christmas, Arbor Day, Independence Day, and Ramadan!

Drink #283: Simpson & Son Revitalizing Tonic

1.5 oz Vodka (I used Smirnoff Blueberry)
1 oz Southern Comfort
Top with half Orange Juice and half Sweet & Sour Mix
Splash of Grenadine
Garnish with Berries

Look forward to future posts about fictional companies, restaurants, sports teams, sodas, and just about anything else this old, battered mind can think up!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
Sadly, the tonic didn’t send Mrs. Sip and myself into the throes of passion (as it worked in the cartoon… let down by TV once again!). Despite that small discrepancy, this drink was pretty good. All the citrus and berry notes were very enjoyable and the liquors did their jobs, as well.

October 7 – Superman Cocktail

Posted on October 7, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Celebrity Collectables

Jay Leno is known for his car collection and George Cloonery for his avid motorcycle passion. These celebrities, however, take collecting to whole new levels!

TV-Show Board Games – Quentin Tarantino

A man after my own heart! How many of us wanted to have the various home-edition games given to losers of a TV game show? Growing up, I had Classic Concentration, Wheel of Fortune, Family Feud, and Jeopardy, among others. Of course, the oft-deranged Tarantino would choose this as his obsession. We differ in that he prefers the classic games based on shows like I Dream of Jeanie, The A-Team, and The Dukes of Hazzard and movies such as Dawn of the Dead and Platoon.

Who wouldn’t want to have this in their man-cave!

Model Trains – Rod Stewart

Pa Sip is a train-o-phile, but I can forgive him for that! Apparently Stewart also have a desire to put on the conductor’s hat and guide his own mini locomotives around a track, complete with fake landscapes, homes, and people. When Model Railroader did a cover story on the singer for their December 2007 issue, Stewart exclaimed, “It means more to me to be on the cover of Model Railroader than to be on the cover of a music magazine.” Perhaps you choose the wrong field then, Roddy!

Typewriters – Tom Hanks

I’m a little surprised Hanks accepted the male lead role for You’ve Got Mail, given his professed love for the typewriter. He was basically helping to usher in the death of the device… or maybe that was his plan all along, driving up the market price for the collection he had amassed. How does one collect typewriters? Do you go all crazy over the feel of the keys or is it the roller that gets your motor running. Perhaps Mr. Gump could let us in on his trade secrets.

Superman Paraphernalia – Shaquille O’Neal

Big Diesel is apparently a huge fan of Clark Kent, letting the super hero’s symbol and colours adorn everything from vehicles to even his bedspread. That’s thinking highly of yourself if you’re warning every person that shares that mattress with you that you think you’re Superman between the sheets! Perhaps Shaq Daddy is, but that’s a question I like not having the answer to.

Knives – Angelina Jolie

I’m going to pass on this one… I vehemently despise Jolie and I have a few idea of what she could do with her collection. I’ll leave it at that.

Star Trek Memorabilia – Ben Stiller

While collecting Star Trek items is a pretty common ailment (yes, I called it an ailment, likely causing my entire Star Trek fan demographic to never return to this site) and industries such as Comic-Con have been born thanks to fans’ passion for the show, I wouldn’t have pegged Stiller as a Trekkie. The highlight of Stiller’s collection is reportedly the set of Spock Vulcan ears he has had signed by Leonard Nimoy, himself.

Surrounded by more than 1,400 Marines and sailors, actor Ben Stiller greets fans, signs autographs and poses for photos before treating troops to an advance screening of DreamWorksÕ ÒTropic Thunder.Ó

Ben Stiller gets mobbed by geeks just like his Star Trek idols!

Beanie Babies – Lou Ferrigno

Who could have thought that big, tough Lou Ferrigno (he played the Hulk on the 1970’s action show The Incredible Hulk… and I mean the green monster, not Dr. Bruce Banner) is a fan and collector of Beanie Babies!? You know, the cute, cuddly, bean-bag-filling stuffed toys. That seems like such a wild contrast, but perhaps Ferrigno is simply a child at heart. Hulk can smash the Beanie Babies all he wants… they’re practically indestructible.

Pig Figurines – Janet Jackson

Apparently Janet Jackson has a thing for pig figurines, proving that every member of the Jackson family has their own oddities. Why pigs? Why not? I, myself, like pigs. They provide me with glorious bacon, pulled pork, ham, sausage, and many other gluttonous items. I suppose they can be cute, as well. At least when they’re not covered in mud and slop and other filth. Too bad they always seem to be covered in these substances until they hit my plate!

Drink #280: Superman Cocktail

0.75 Vodka (I used Grey Goose Cherry Noir)
0.75 Peach Schnapps
Splash of Blue Curacao
Top with Lemonade
Float Grenadine
Garnish with an Orange Peel Cape

It should also be mentioned that Lindsay Lohan collects arrest warrants and Miley Cyrus has a passion for tongues… I just wish she’d keep hers in her god damn mouth.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
There are other Superman Cocktail recipes out there, but I picked this one for simplicity and ingredients I enjoy (and boy did I enjoy them here!). It wasn’t easy putting together my Orange Peel Cape, but I hope I kind of got the message across. I love how the blue and red colours mixed together in the photo!

September 23 – Boggle

Posted on September 23, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Spin to Win

I love board and card games. Sitting around with friends and family, playing an old pastime provides a wonderful opportunity for the booze to start flowing and the laughs to pile up. I’m always open to trying newly discovered releases, but these are my all-time favourites:

Monopoly

Mrs. Sip is not a fan of the full-sized board game, preferring to play the faster-paced and quick playtime card versions (Monopoly: Deal and Monopoly: Millionaire) of the classic pastime. I always liked being the banker when I was young and perhaps I can credit Monopoly for my reasonably strong math skills. People often complain about the length of Monopoly games, but that’s just because they lack my style of endurance!

Cards Against Humanity

I only recently played Cards Against Humanity a few times, but I have no doubt that with even more games it will continue to rise up my favourite list. Basically, you’re given a subject, often naughty in nature, and you have to match one of your cards to that subject, usually with hilarious results. Then, one player has to choose the best reply among them all and that person wins the round. It’s good time fun!

Rail Baron

This is a game I suspect few have ever heard of, but I wish everyone knew it. Rail Baron challenges players to build a railway empire, connecting their pieces of track across the United States. Similar to Monopoly, only you have to collect rail lines instead of properties, the game sees who can reach $200,000 first and then return to their home city (selected at the start of the game). Chooooo-woooooo!

Clue

Who doesn’t love a good mystery? Clue was awesome for the investigating aspect, trying to narrow down your list of suspects, weapons and kill rooms (this is starting to sound an awful lot like Dexter!). I always liked using Mr. Green because he looked like a hardened detective type, similar to Lt. Columbo. Ms. Scarlett was kind of sexy, too! Does anyone remember the Clue movie? No, didn’t think so!

Colors & Shapes

Colors & Shapes was a classic for Cousin Sip, Broski Sip, and myself when we were younger and it’s even better in modern times after a few cocktails! It’s a very simple game, showing our collective intellect. Each player gets a mat of six coloured shapes and you flip cards one-by-one until someone fills their sheet. Things can get pretty tense when someone only needs one more card. It’s like Bingo for the even lazier!

Chinese Checkers

The thing I like about checkers-themed games is that you always have to be thinking ahead, usually multiple moves. I like to fancy myself a Checkers all-star, given it’s one of the few games I win regularly, but in actuality, I’m probably not that great. At least I’m able to wallop Mrs. Sip every now and again and that makes y years of dedication to the sport totally worth it.

Snakes & Ladders

The funny thing about Snakes & Ladders is that it taught kids what to do and not to do, while also giving them some entertainment (ie. shutting them up for a few minutes of peace time). If your pawn misbehaves, down you go. If your pawn performs a feat of good, up you rise. I even had a pool towel with this game on the back and Mrs. Sip and I were sure to take advantage of that.

Scene-It

This series of games (Movies, TV, Disney, Sports, etc.) were the 21st century twist on the VCR-game, using DVD players instead. Even if you didn’t play using the actual board, it was fun to have competitions seeing who could guess the most mini-games right. Mrs. Sip was practically unbeatable at the Disney variety, where as I dominated the Sports edition. Movies and TV were more of a toss-up.

Cranium

This is a Sip Family tradition, as most gatherings included a rousing round of Cranium with teams that varied from kids vs. adults to battles of the sexes. No matter which way it was played, games were full of laughs and learning people had skills you never thought they had before. For example, the Sip Advisor was quite the putty sculptor… perhaps I missed out on my true calling!

Boggle

If you looked up the word dominance in the dictionary, there would be a picture of me standing over a crestfallen Mrs. Sip with a Boggle game in my hands and a maniacal laugh spread across my face. It took forever for the poor girl to finally defeat me, including a loss in the Amsterdam airport, where she challenged my word and we searched for a dictionary to prove me right… mission accomplished!

Drink #266: Boggle

1 oz Vodka (I used Grey Goose Cherry Noir)
0.5 oz Midori
0.5 PAMA Pomegranate Liqueur
Top with Orange Juice
Dash of Grenadine
Garnish with Orange Wheel

Board game-themed cocktails seem to be in short supply, but someone has taken the time to create a drink recipe for each Clue character. That sounds like a challenge I’ll have to create sometime!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I didn’t know what to expect from this cocktail, but I was pleasantly surprised with the results. I used some higher end spirits, which probably helped with the overall taste. The Orange Juice provided the strongest flavour, but hints of cherry, melon, and pomegranate also came in thanks to the liquors.

September 18 – Mai-Tai

Posted on September 18, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Rum Diary

There are some pretty good rum slogans out there, as companies try to capitalize on the liquor’s perception as a laid back spirit. Here are some of my favourites, as we sail through the Caribbean!:

Sailor Jerry’s – This is no girly rum.

One of my favourite libations of all time and a brand that could be the first inductee into my own personal liquor hall of fame (oh, that sounds like a good article idea!), I love Sailor Jerry’s. And yes, it is certainly not a girly rum… even though there’s a picture of a girl prominently on the bottle. I’ve probably gone through more bottles of Sailor Jerry’s than any other alcohol and that’s something to be proud of!

Malibu – Malibu… seriously easy going.

With the company’s blend of light rum and fruit flavours, one could definitely conclude that Malibu is “seriously easy going”! Is there anything finer in life than relaxing on a sandy beach, the sun bronzing your skin, with a rum-based cocktail in your hand? The all-inclusive industry was based on this theory and now those companies thrive in having people get their R&R on, accompanied by the divine secrets of sweet lady liquor.

Appleton – Raise your rum!

And toast the liquor gods, while you’re at it. This slogan is two-fold. On one hand, they’re talking about raising the quality of the rum you drink when you choose Appleton. On the other hand, it can be viewed as a toast and celebration thanks to the fine folks at Appleton. I’m a big fan of Appleton, something I know I’m not alone on. So, raise your rum to the Sip Advisor and let’s get bombed!

Bacardi – Live like you mean it.

I grew up on Bacardi, as it was my parent’s rum of choice and as a result, I’ll always have a place in my heart for the spirit. I like to think I live most days to the fullest and Bacardi has often helped me with that quest. The Sip Advisor becomes a whole different being when the rum is flowing and good times are set to be had. Every day should be cherished in some way and Bacardi is always a good start!

Captain Morgan – Got a little Captain in you?

I certainly have a little Captain in me… just not in that way… not that there’s anything wrong with that! I have a sense of adventure and of boozing my way through those glorious good times. Pirating is surely in my blood, somewhere along the family lines because I love rum, the water, being aboard ships, and causing mayhem. For those of you that don’t like those things, you can apply to my school of rehabilitation and we’ll get that all sorted out.

Parrot Bay – The Parrot is calling.

If the Parrot is calling, I’m certainly listening! And that’s even though I absolutely hate birds. At least the parrot is a colourful species, which helps you ignore all the other annoying bird elements for a short time. Then, once you get to the rum drinking, you completely put aside all of your hatred towards the aviary animals. We can all get along thanks to a little shared enjoyment of the finer things in life.

Drink #261: Mai-Tai

0.75 oz Dark Rum (I used Captain Morgan)
0.75 oz Light Rum
0.5 oz Amaretto
0.5 oz Triple Sec
Top with half Orange Juice and half Pineapple Juice
Float Grenadine
Garnish with a Maraschino Cherry and Cocktail Umbrella

Which rum slogans are you particularly fond of? Has the Sip Advisor slipped up and left your favourite line off this list. Come on, give me hell!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
While I wasn’t able to pull of the traditional Mai-Tai recipe (not having access to Orgeat Syrup), Mrs. Sip and I found an adapted recipe that subs Amaretto in its place. The drink was good, surprising Mrs. Sip who has a dislike for Amaretto and a love for Mai-Tais. If it passes her taste test, it can’t be written off!

September 12 – Furry Purple Squirrel

Posted on September 12, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Mascot Mess

Teams largely have mascots to engage young fans and as a merchandising opportunity. I don’t know why college teams have mascots, as well, but I guess alcohol and people dressed as animals is always a winning combination. Each major league (NHL, MLB, NBA, NFL) is guilty of poorly chosen characters. Here are some of the worst mascots in the wide world of sports:

Carlton the Bear – Toronto Maple Leafs (NHL)

How in the hell is a bear the mascot for this team? Did they just want to be able to sell oodles of merchandise using a cute teddy bear? The team’s mascot should really be a dude dressed up in a leaf costume and they could do this performance introduction, where the leaf blows through the sky and lands flat on the ground, only to be crushed by passersby. Just like the team itself… symmetry, my friends, symmetry. Leafs suck, btw.

Heh, golfing… just like the Maple Leafs every spring!

Raymond – Tampa Bay Rays (MLB)

There’s just no zip to this name and the character is even worse, described as a seadog and wearing large sneakers and a backwards ball cap. Raymond is really just a slacker, complete with unkempt facial hair. Why couldn’t the mascot be a sting ray, with the tag line “I killed Steve Irwin, so don’t mess with us!” Now that would be bad ass.

Bear – Utah Jazz (NBA)

They couldn’t even give their mascot a decent nickname? The marketing department sat around and just settled with Bear? I’d be more impressed with Bear if he occasionally picked up a musical instrument and belted out some jazz scat tunes. Then again, the Jazz name doesn’t even work in Utah and is only a carryover from the franchise’s New Orleans origins. Ridiculous all around.

Rowdy – Dallas Cowboys (NFL)

Rowdy looks like Fix-It Felix from Wreck-It Ralph… except he appears a little more Broke Back Mountain than the team would probably want. The Cowboys legacy as a rough and tumble team doesn’t hold up so well when Rowdy is paired with that lineage. He has to be the creepiest looking cowboy I’ve ever seen, making the blood of Clint Eastwood boil to extreme levels.

Spartacat – Ottawa Senators (NHL)

I don’t get the orange hair. Doesn’t the Senators organization know that the world hates gingers!? Not myself, I find them to be loveable folks, but I am a rare breed. Readers know of my love for cats, but this one just doesn’t sit right. The name is okay too, but I just don’t see the necessity for that orange hippie hair. Call me crazy (and I’m sure you have), but I just can’t get past that.

Screech – Washington Nationals (MLB)

How awesome would it be if the Washington Nationals mascot wasn’t a anthropomorphic bald eagle, but was, in fact, Screech from Saved by the Bell!? Other than that minor note, I really don’t have any problem with Screech. He falls in line with the team name and the city the franchise plays out of. I probably should have left him off the list… but that Saved by the Bell thing still bugs me.

Hip Hop the Rabbit – Philadelphia 76ers (NBA)

Sure, basketball teams need to cater to the hip hop market and fans of the music genre, but this is really taking things a little too far. Hip Hop looks like a “gangsta” Trix Rabbit on roids, who instead of searching aimlessly for the beloved cereal, performs slam dunks off trampolines to pass the time. Let’s just hope Hip Hop doesn’t become a casualty of the East-West Rap Feud.

Stinger – Columbus Blue Jackets (NHL)

How anyone could consider an insect cute and cuddly is a question I’ll never be able to answer. Still, this pest was able to find work with the Columbus Blue Jackets, despite being a yellow jacket bug. That mixed with the teams blue colours, has turned him green, just to confuse people even more. I foresee a large swatter and a satisfying splat in Stinger’s future!

Sparky the Dragon – New York Islanders (NHL)

Why a dragon is the mascot for this team is perplexing. Sure, the owner, Charles Wang (heh… wang) is of Asian descent, but is that enough to justify this move? Not to mention he simply transferred the character over from his former Arena Football League franchise and you have the makings of a mascot conspiracy. We must form a task force to get to the bottom of this!

Dinger – Colorado Rockies (MLB)

The Colorado Rockies entered Major League Baseball around the time that Barney the Dinosaur was huge for many youngsters. I guess they decided to capitalize on that marketing craze when conceptualizing Dinger. Apparently, making Dinger a Triceratops was based on reports of dinosaur fossils being discovered as the franchise built its Coors Field stadium. I have to say that I do like the name Dinger, though.

Bernie Brewer – Milwaukee Brewers (MLB)

This mascot has to be the closest thing to resemble a 1970’s porn star in the sporting world, complete with a full, bushy, handlebar moustache. I bet under that jersey is a chest full of wild, curly hair and if we keep travelling downwards, a Ron Jeremy-esque member. The Brewer probably drinks a ton, too, and may be the best candidate on this list to party with!

Youppi – Montreal Canadiens (NHL)

The only thing worse than a bad mascot is a bad mascot that was meant for another team. When the Montreal Expos were relocated to become the Washington Nationals, Youppi became a free agent, quickly snapped up by the Canadiens. I do have to give credit to Youppi for being the first mascot ever kicked out of a Major League Baseball game, which occurred in 1989 following LA Dodgers manager Tommy Lasorda complaining to umps about the mascot’s behaviour.

Drink #255: Furry Purple Squirrel

Rim glass with Grape Candy Powder
1 oz Blue Curacao
1 oz Light Rum
1 oz Coconut Rum (I used Malibu)
Top with Club Soda
Splash of Lime Juice
Dash of Grenadine
Garnish with a Maraschino Cherry

I must admit, I left off the many amateur sport mascots that could have filled three of these lists. Olympic mascots have always been ridiculous too. Just to keep things simple, I only focused on professional team mascots. Did I miss any? Leave a message after the beep. BEEEEEEEP!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
This is an interesting recipe that includes floating the Coconut Rum on top of the drink right before serving. I picked this cocktail because it somewhat went with the topic of today’s post and because the blend of ingredients intrigued me. My Grape Candy Powder rim worked out better than others. I still don’t understand why every drink that purports itself to be purple never turns out that way and remains blue. Maybe I’m not using enough Grenadine, but then again, I don’t want to use a ton of Grenadine.

August 22 – Shark’s Tooth

Posted on August 22, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Bite Me

There are some serious teethers out there… sets of mouths that I hope I never have to come across. While most entries on this list are animal-related, sadly, some humans (living and undead) have also made a name for themselves, thanks to their chompers. Here are some entities I don’t want to be bit by:

Killer Shark

It’s not like the idea behind the Jaws movies (and numerous other films about the creature’s thirst for human blood) came from nowhere. Sharks are vicious animals and have been known to attack humans with bites so bad that they lose limbs, or worse, lives. In its defense, a shark has even been known to aid in a murder investigation, when a Tiger Shark vomited up a human forearm in Sydney, Australia.

Venomous Snake

I’ve made it quite clear that I have a fear of snakes. Knowing just how deadly they can be doesn’t really help. Some of the most deadly snakes in the world include the King Cobra, Puff Adder, and Taipan… all of which I hope to never encounter. Shockingly, a Honey Badger (perhaps the coolest animal in the world behind cats) is resistant to some of the most deadly venoms in the world and can eat a snake in short order!

Bullet Ant

This little fella has been ranked as having the most painful bite in the world, with people comparing it to being shot (likely people who have never actually been shot, but I digress). The Bullet Ant is found in South America and is actually used by the Satere-Mawe tribe as a rite of passage for boys, who have to wear a glove of the ants for ten minutes, suffering numerous bites and painful symptoms that can last for days.

Vampire

Turning to our fictional biters, in much of vampire mythology, biting is a source of fear, dominance, sexuality, and necessity. Just watch an episode of True Blood (not that lame-ass Twilight garbage) and you’re bound to see numerous scenes of fangdom. Some real life vampires actually exist, usually of the crazy serial killer variety. This list includes Countess Elizabeth Báthory and Fritz Haarmann, who was beheaded for his crimes.

Gila Monster

What do you get when you combine sharp teeth, thorough chewing and toxic venom… the Gila Monster, of course. Luckily for us humans, the Gila Monster’s laziness means we probably won’t have to deal with the animal, but they should not be approached or provoked. The killer lizard has even been used as a school mascot, as Eastern Arizona College has Gila Hank, complete with cowboy hat and gun!

Mosquito

Along with my constant attention and devotion, Mrs. Sip is live bait for Mosquitos, who will bite her throughout and evening, while other people in the same setting escape unscathed. She is my own personal Citronella Candle! Not only can the Mosquito leave you with a tremendous itch and splotchy skin, but they also spread the deadly malaria virus, which has killed unfathomable numbers throughout history.

Brazilian Wandering Spider

This spider has the highest human kill rate among arachnids and its venom can cause a long-lasting erection (is that really so bad!?). Look out Viagra, your days may be numbered as the most prolific boner pill… you know, once they figure out the whole toxic venom side effect. So much for the Black Widow Spider being so bad. Perhaps Mrs. Sip won’t be so eager to travel to Brazil anymore after reading this!

Mike Tyson

The bite heard ‘round the world’ occurred June 28, 1997, when the ‘Baddest Man on the Planet’ proved his reputation and sunk his pearly whites into the ear of opponent Evander Holyfield. It was the final straw in Tyson’s rollercoaster boxing career, which saw the heavyweight fighter rise to championship glory at the age of 20 and fall hard from grace, following a rape conviction, substance abuse problems, financial woes, and failed comebacks.

Drink #234: Shark’s Tooth

1.5 oz Dark Rum (I used Captain Morgan)
Splash of Lime Juice
Splash of Lemon Juice
Dash of Grenadine
Dash of Soda Water
Garnish with Lemon Wedge

When you really think about it, is there such a thing as a “good bite”? I guess if you’re into a little pain with your pleasure you might want to go down this road, but otherwise, I’ll take my loving sans teeth!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
There is also a Shark Bite cocktail, which is quite clever in that it includes a couple drops of grenadine to simulate the look of blood within the rest of the mix. As for this recipe, you think the drink will be too sweet, but the soda really takes the edge off… for some reason I tasted chocolate despite the ingredients having nothing to do with the stuff.

August 18 – Sunday Snuggie

Posted on August 18, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Putrid Products

I love commercials for “As Seen on TV” products. The acting is hokey and the products range from ridiculous to utterly useless. Here are some of the craziest items, past and present, which will require shipping and handling:

Snuggies

I think what bugs me the most about Snuggies is that the commercial makes everyone look like a giant blanket-wrapped dork. While I’m not opposed to blankets, I would never be caught wearing one at tailgating parties, the theatre, sporting events, or anywhere inhabited by people or penguins. What’s next, the pillow hat? You can wear it when you want to take that quick cat nap on the train, at a park, or during those endless office meetings! Hmmm…maybe I’m on to something!?

Zoomies

These binoculars-on-the-go are both practical and the height of modern fashion… said no one ever (throw on a bright blue Snuggie while you’re at it and then you’ll look real bad ass… or like The Tick, whateves). The thing the makers don’t really point out is that Zoomies only let you focus on one particular spot in the distance. The commercial acts as if your entire vision will be enhanced.

Tush Turner

This swivel seat allows you to spin in a chair, thus eliminating even the most simple of torso movements. I’ve seen this product hilariously described as a Lazy Susan for your ass. You know eventually there will be a Guinness World Record for fastest Tush Turner or most Tush Turns in an hour.

Cami Secret

These commercials are classic for the awesome portrayals of they dying art of sexual harassment. I deplore this product, however, because it covers up women’s breasts. Don’t listen ladies, be loud, be proud, and flaunt your assets!

Kush Support

Speaking of sexual harassment, this allows women to maintain their cleavage while sleeping on their side. Brilliant, I say! I have often turned to Mrs. Sip while she is deep in dreamland and thought, ‘Man, I wish she had more cleavage right now.’ For those keeping score, that was a joke!

Booty Pop

While most women are trying to eliminate the junk in their trunk, the Booty Pop will provide all the vroom-vroom anyone could ever want. These butt-enhancers fill a back pocket in a similar vein to stuffing a bra, except it’s your backside. I say put a couple Pizza Pops in there and you have a quick lunch, too!

Better Marriage Blanket

So, the gimmick behind this little gem is that it absorbs the odor of farts so your wife (or maybe it’s the other way around) will never know you’ve been cooking under a Dutch oven all these years. I think the name is totally classic. If flatulence is a major concern for your relationship, then you’re in for a rough ride once kids come along!

Fanny Bank

In complete contrast to the Better Marriage Blanket, this piggy bank rewards you with a ripping fart upon making a deposit. I wonder if the fart gets louder with the more cash you shove into the butt crack opening… scratch that, I don’t ever want to know. Who makes this crap!?

The Backup

I know I’ve always wanted to have a gun rack located not directly beside my bed, not directly behind my bed but actually IN my bed. Luckily now I have been afforded that opportunity with The Backup, a gun rack that slides between your bed’s box spring and mattress. Now I just need a gun for my rack. The fact that a product like this even made it to air, tells us something quite disturbing about society. Even scarier, it’s probably a best seller.

UroClub

This ingenious device allows dudes to hold their real putter whenever they want on a golf course. It comes complete with retractable curtains, so you can relieve yourself in privacy, while your buddies merciless chirp you. There are other portable urinal products, begging the question, when will someone step up and seize the women’s potty-on-the-go market!?

SlobStopper

This giant bib for eating and drinking while driving surely has to be some kind of joke. How many stories are there of people spilling scalding hot coffee on themselves? However, this product won’t stop you from receiving third degree burns. Here’s a suggestion, maybe just don’t eat and drink while on the road.

Pajama Jeans

These pajamas are designed to make it appears as if you’re wearing jeans. Can you imagine actually wearing these out to a lounge or nightclub and impressing ANYONE!? These PJs give a whole new meaning to casual Friday at the office. Now all they need to do is design pajamas that look like dress pants and the corporate world will fall to the slackers!

Drink #230: Sunday Snuggie

2 oz Jagermeister
2 oz Bourbon
Top with Sweet & Sour Mix
Dash of Grenadine
Splash of Cranberry Juice
Garnish with a Lime Wheel and a Maraschino Cherry

I’d love to order some of these items, just to see how well they actually work. I bet some of them would just be too ludicrous to own, but at least they might make great gag gifts.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
The drink was pretty potent thanks to the Jagermeister and Bourbon. I used Black Cherry Bourbon to add an interesting twist to the cocktail and the results were as awesome as expected. This was quite the recipe to put together, but totally worth it.

August 1 – New York Cocktail

Posted on August 1, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

New York Minute

Today we continue our hurried travels around New York City. There’s much more to do, so let’s get right down to it: Live from New York, it’s Sip Advisor Live!

Go to the Statue of Liberty

The iconic symbol of freedom and hope with the start of a new life, this statute is what many immigrants were greeted with when arriving from overseas to New York at Ellis Island to be processed into the country. It has remained a national treasure, gracing everything from sports jerseys to American coins. The French should be commended for such a nice gift.

Eat at Famous Restaurants

New York is home to a number of world-renowned eateries, in varying ranges of price and style. There’s Katz’s Deli, ‘21’ Club, Café Noir, Lanza’s, Lenny’s Pizza, and Sardi’s (famous for the caricatures of countless celebrities, which adorn the walls of this joint), all of which have appeared in numerous movies and TV shows.

Do a TV Tour of the City

So many popular shows were filmed in New York: Seinfeld, Sex in the City, Friends, How I Met Your Mother. Many of the locations highlighted in these series are incorporated into tours, allowing fans to reminisce about their favourite moments and characters. The Sex and the City tour even includes Cosmopolitan cocktails!

Attend Madison Square Garden

While we enjoyed a baseball game at Yankee Stadium yesterday, today we scout out New York’s other sports options. Whether it’s hockey with the Rangers, basketball with the Knicks or professional wrestling (MSG has long been considered WWE’s ‘home turf’), there’s much to choose from. Notable concerts have also taken place at the site, including six sold out dates for Led Zeppelin on their 1977 tour!

See a Concert/Comedy Show

With so many famous venues (Carnegie Hall, Apollo Theatre, Radio City Music Hall, etc.) you’re bound to stumble upon a great show and perhaps even see some entertainers before they hit the big time. In the comedy realm, I’ve heard the Upright Citizens Brigade is a popular attraction. The troupe has launched the careers of Amy Poehler and Horatio Sanz, among others.

Have Some Fun at Coney Island

If Coney Island is anything similar to the Santa Monica Pier, then I know Mrs. Sip and I will have a good time. Carnivals along the water provide ample opportunity for fun, amazing eats, and booze. You might even get to participate in the annual Fourth of July hot dog eating competition, although I wouldn’t recommend it.

Visit Times Square

Home to one of the biggest New Year’s Eve bashes every year, Times Square is a sight to behold even when it’s not packed with millions of people waiting for the big ball to drop. Personally, I wouldn’t be comfortable amongst a crowd of that size, so I’ll go on a normal day when it’s still infested with travelers gawking at all the cool signs, restaurants, stores, and other entertainment.

Hmmm… starting to regret going to Times Square!

Ride the Subway System

You’ve not truly visited New York until you’ve hopped aboard its underground trains. Hopefully you don’t have to deal with a Taking of Pelham 123 hostage situation or post-apocalyptic warfare, as depicted in The Warriors. Fingers crossed you only have to encounter some homeless people, a thug or two, and the occasional wafting smell of urine.

Take a Stroll through Central Park

The option of a horse drawn carriage through the park also exists, but a leisurely stroll around the massive grounds would suffice. Dedicating some time to visiting the Central Park Zoo would also be a priority. It’s crazy how much activity is going on in this park. Perhaps you’d even get to experience the “real” Harlem shake and get mugged!

Drink #213: New York Cocktail

2 oz Canadian Whiskey (I used Crown Royal)
Splash of Lime Juice
Dash of Simple Syrup
1 tsp of Grenadine
Garnish with Apple Slice

Sadly, New York is not in our immediate plans, despite my constant insistence on doing an east coast holiday. Feel free to start a letter writing campaign on my behalf to get Mrs. Sip to change her mind!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (2.5 Sips out of 5):
I find it slightly odd that the New York Cocktail specifically requires a ‘Canadian’ Whiskey, but I guess the American hub isn’t too far away from the Canadian border. I don’t understand why recipes always overvalue Lemon and Lime Juice measurements. It makes these juices stand out too strong and the cocktail becomes too tart. Once the drink diluted a little, it was decent, but not worthy of repeat servings.

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