July 13 – Cement Mixer

Posted on July 13, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Gross Gastronomy

Today I’ll be examining the foods I don’t like to eat. Because if I don’t like to eat them, neither should you, right? I draw inspiration from today’s shot, which while it tasted well enough, is actually intended to curdle in your mouth (needless to say, the texture isn’t what I would define as “pleasant”). When I was just a little sipper, I was a very picky eater. Thankfully, I evolved and now there’s basically nothing I won’t try… except these deplorable substances:

Cheese

I’ve made some peace with my old enemy. I’m okay with most melted options and have recently expanded to try the odd non-melted offering, but in general, I have a hate-on for the stuff that seems to make girls melt (especially if you mention “cheese” and “wine” in the same sentence). It was hard growing up not liking cheese because rather like the mold in my bathtub, it was everywhere (that’s right, Mrs. Sip is slacking on her household chores again!). It wasn’t until my teens when I realized I could control the stuff by asking for sans fromage.

No one told me my cheese could come like this!

Sour Crème

Ironically, my favourite types of chips usually fall under the sour crème and [insert ingredient here – onion, bacon, etc.] category, but I can’t stand sour crème on its own or even on nachos or in dips. Perhaps it’s because I’m a diehard supporter of ranch dressing and have just found a better substitute for sour crème in my growth as an eater. One day, they will build statues in my honour grasping a ranch dressing bottle!

Yogurt

You must be getting the impression that I don’t like dairy, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. I just don’t like the taste of yogurt in the slightest. It’s made from bacteria and it tastes just like that. I won’t even kiss Mrs. Sip if she’s recently consumed some and trust me, she’s on to that fact and uses it as a repellant to my advances. But just like the persistent mosquito, I eventually get my bite in!

Popcorn

This is my least favourite of all the snack foods. I hate that the kernels always find a way to get stuck in my teeth and gums and even throat. Mrs. Sip and her family are big popcorn people, so you can start to see our vast philosophical differences. I will eat it on some occasions, but I’m a chippy man, through and through. Which begs the question: why don’t theatres sell potato chips? They’re less messy than popcorn and soooooo much better.

Tuna

My cats sure love the chicken of the sea and have been known to come in from miles away if Ma Sip is cracking open a can. Sadly, though, I’m not a fan (although I do love watching the kitties go nuts over the tuna water). The taste is just off-putting to me, regardless if it’s in sashimi form or part of a tuna salad sandwich. Give me salmon, cod, halibut, or literally anything else from the ocean, before tuna.

Ribs

Okay I know I’m against the huge majority of Rib lovin’ eaters out there, but I just don’t understand how food in which you have to constantly work around the bone is so damn popular. I eventually got over the whole bone thing for fried chicken, but with ribs, even when you get around the bones, the often fatty meat doesn’t do much for my meal enjoyment. I also don’t like getting too messy when eating and we all know that ribs are like the poster child of dirty foods, necessitating bibs and a multitude of napkins.

Tapioca/Rice Pudding

It doesn’t take a scientist to tell you what this gunk actually looks like… just any red-blooded male! I’d rather eat paper mache until my stomach exploded more dramatically than a fourth grade science fair project. And can someone explain to me the whole bubble tea craze? Do people actually want to suck tapioca bubbles through a massive straw? What am I missing here?

Drink #194: Cement Mixer

0.75 oz Bailey’s Irish Crème
0.75 oz Lime Juice
Garnish with a Lime Wedge

So, which foods irk you? Let’s see what happens when we share a little… come on sippers, bring in the love!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
I was curious as to how this shooter would come together given the mix of acidic Lime Juice and thick, rich Irish Crème. As long as it didn’t curdle, I figured we’d be in business! On my first attempt, the shot turned into instant cement and we had to start from scratch. After a little more research, I found you had to actually mix the shot in your mouth by doing two separate shots or carefully layering the shooter. Luckily I have a split shot glass, so I took advantage of that. After swishing the liquids around in my mouth it does get lumpy quick. Don’t get me wrong, it tastes good, but the texture takes a little getting used to and may incite gagging for some.

July 8 – Bend Me Over Slammer

Posted on July 8, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Drinking Class

Over my years of experience, I’ve noticed that there are many different classes of drinkers. Like a Lord of the Rings quest, you have your wizards, elves, dwarves, and hobbits and together, you all make up a party of sorts. Let’s take a look at who might be travelling with your troupe:

Sippers

The Sipper slowly consume their drinks. They may only have a couple at a gathering, taking their time to work their way through a drink… a drink that is largely ice-diluted by the time they finish. I’m not saying Mama Sip belongs in this category, but Broski Sip and I once humourously watched her gingerly sip at a drink for nearly an hour when we were at a family function in Germany and wanted to get back to our hotel (it was 3am and we had been outside all night with people who mostly only spoke the native language, as fabulous as they all were… we assume). The heartbreaking moment came at the point where she went in for a sip, got distracted by a relative and pulled the drink away from her mouth.

Slammers

The Slammer arrives at a party and goes to work like liquor is a commodity on the brink of extinction. They down a few drinks in quick succession, taking little time to actually enjoy the concoction, be it beer, wine, well drink or anything else. Before you know it, the Slammer is drunk off their ass and looking for a place to nap (in best case scenarios). Don’t get me wrong, the Slammer is fun for those few hours they’re able to join the party, but when they come crashing down, it’s best to send them on their way, find them a bed or at the very least, make sure they know where the vomitorium is.

Guzzlers

The Guzzler seems to always have a drink in his hand. Once one is finished, another is being poured. This is likely the category where your friendly neighbourhood Sip Advisor falls into. It is the alcohol version of a chain smoker… minus the emphysema and cancer.

Complainers

I’m often working hard in The Sip Advisor lab making creations for our friends. Most people enjoy getting to try unique drinks for free that anywhere around where we live would cost $8-$10 minimum. But you get the odd guest who doesn’t necessarily complain about the taste of the drink, but the alcohol content. You make them a single and they say they can’t taste the alcohol. Well, in a perfectly made cocktail, you shouldn’t be overwhelmed by the alcohol. So, I do what any spurned bartender would: double up the alcohol in their next drink. Of course, now they’re complaining that it’s too strong. What do I care, it’s not like I get tipped anyway!

Shooter

A Shooter enjoys their drinks in a similar fashion to the Slammer, but has greater longevity. They drink quickly and often, having a high survival rate. These are the people you want in charge of a function because they can keep their stuff together no matter how many libations they have imbibed in.

Unfinishers

This is the group I like the least. A cardinal rule in the Sip Advisor offices is that no drop of liquor goes wasted. The Unfinisher routinely leaves drinks half consumed… a total waste of precious alcohol and mixer. In my opinion, this should be a punishable offence. And that punishment shall be death by intoxication. Okay, maybe that’s a little harsh. How about they have to go around and finish every single half-downed drink at the party?

The Jekyll & Hyde

This one is quite obvious; it’s the drinker whose personality drastically changes with only a couple drinks: The quiet people who become loud and obnoxious. The tame people who become bold and daring. The people whose language of choice seems to change with each libation. You’ll notice that drinking never really has an opposite effect on Type-A personalities, only Type-B. If a person is already an asshole, drinking will only enhance their assholeness.

Like looking in a mirror!

The Yo-Yo

One drink, one water… slow and steady wins the race. These are the folks who fear hangovers so much that they spend a great deal of time prepping against one. Hey, whatever works for ya. Thankfully, I’m impervious to being hung. Not that I’m opposed to water… I love that shizzle!

One More Drink People

Another section that you could lump the Sip Advisor into. I’m always down with the concept of one for the road. The problem is, myself and my kin never really know when “one for the road” should ever really stop. Does it really matter, though? We’re pretty awesome people… just enjoy our company while it lasts!

Drink #189: Bend Me Over Slammer

1.5 oz Crown Royal Whiskey
1 oz Amaretto
Dash of Sweet & Sour Mix
Top with Club Soda
Garnish with Lime Wedge

Slam that sucker on the table and down it with vim and vigor. So, what kind of drinker are you? No complainers please!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
This is the first “slammer” we’ve featured at The Sip Advisor and it’s a fun little drink, despite the mess… and there was quite a bit of mess from the shaking and slamming in an attempt to get some bubbles going. I think the slammer concept is better performed in shot glasses, but I did as the recipe suggested. As far as taste goes, it was nice, but nothing amazing.

July 6 – Bert and Ernie

Posted on July 6, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

All Grown Up

No matter my age, I will always love cartoons. Of course, there is a large selection of animated comedies for an adult audience (The Simpsons, South Park, Family Guy, Archer, among them), but there is also a special cross section of shows meant for children that have subtle adult themes and so can be enjoyed by young and old alike. Here are some of the best:

Fillmore

This is a very clever show that spoofs the 1980’s crime shows and movies like Miami Vice and the Lethal Weapon franchise. Instead of episodes involving drug trafficking, the case may be about tartar sauce smuggling, while stolen cars are replaced by scooter theft. Unfortunately, Fillmore’s crime solving only lasted a couple seasons and now the creator does work for The Walking Dead. Yeah, kids show to zombie apocalypse drama… that seems like a totally obvious creative jump!

Recess

I watched a lot of Recess during my college years, as it had a nice timeslot around the time I was back home from classes and prepping for the odd nap. The series provided a great reminder of years gone by and the fun enjoyed during elementary school, running around with your buddies and getting up to trouble during recess and lunch breaks. I still get up to trouble on my work lunches, but without any recess, the number of sticky situations I’m involved in has drastically dropped.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

I vowed to never watch any TMNT revival show. I mean, how could it ever compare to the legendary original while I was growing up? As Mrs. Sip and I lazily got ready for a day in Las Vegas (aka as Mrs. Sip refused to get out of bed until her hangover subsided), we stumbled upon a Saturday morning cartoon block and ended up half watching an episode of the newest relaunch series. It actually had a few laughs and earned a second episode opportunity (that or we were being really, um…slothful), which was also enjoyable.

SpongeBob SquarePants

I’ve only seen a few episodes of this surreal series, but I can see why both kids and adults could appreciate SpongeBob SquarePants together, at significantly different levels. I don’t even think you have to be stoned (if you’re an adult, of course) to enjoy many of the themes and jokes each episode contains.

Looney Tunes

I have always been a fan of Looney Tunes, since I was a little sipper all the way up to being a Sip Advisor. With all the delicious and gratuitous cartoon violence, it’s hard to fathom that these shows have a target audience of young children. The same can be said for Tiny Toon Adventures, Animaniacs, and any other series that involves the Looney Tunes franchise characters.

The Muppet Show

Puppets are pretty great and The Muppet Show has provided some of my favourite fabricated-Americans. While Kermit the Frog and the gang lure in the younger audience with slapstick comedy and heartfelt songs, there is also some real zingers flying about, especially when the likes of Statler and Waldorf get their screen time.

Sesame Street

Similar to The Muppet Show, I think the adult appeal with Sesame Street, is all about the characters. Characters we’ve all grown up watching and enjoying. I mean, you have the Cookie Monster and Oscar the Grouch getting laughs with their love of cookies and trash, respectively, and you also have a Big Bird and a Snuffleupagus, whatever the hell that is. Plus Bert and Ernie’s questionable relationship is groundbreaking. Speaking of the duo…

Drink #187: Bert and Ernie (A Sip Advisor Original Recipe)

0.5 oz Jagermeister
0.5 oz Creme de Banane
0.5 oz Orange Soda
Pair with a Rubber Ducky

There have been many search attempts for a Bert and Ernie shot, which have led people to this site. Since that drink doesn’t seem to exist in the liquor world, I decided to create one, so these wonderful people won’t go home unhappy any longer!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
For months I searched for a rubber ducky for this shot and on the day I finally found and bought one, I found one at Ma and Pa Sip’s place. The Creme de Banane is the first thing you smell and taste and probably the most predominant flavour, until the Jager almost seemingly hidden under the surface, hits you and gives the shot that little something extra.

June 29 – Seven Deadly Sins

Posted on June 29, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Sin-tillating

The Seven Deadly Sins have always fascinated me. I have one problem with them though. Looking back, I know I’ve broken each and every one of them and I’m still kicking ass. Here’s how I’ve broken all the rules (and lived to tell about it)!

Lust

Have you seen Mrs. Sip? How could you NOT lust over this gorgeous creature? Perhaps I haven’t been busted for this sin because my advances are often rebuffed. It kind of makes sense. She can’t just give it away for free… or so I’ve been told. Similarly, sometimes I pass by a mirror and catch a glimpse of myself. Unlike Narcissus, I’m able to pull myself away from this godly image for happy hours!

Greed

If I wasn’t so lazy, I’d have more time to be greedy. That said, I do find great pleasure in my possessions, notably my prized muddler, cocktail shaker and jigger. Some of my favoruite characters are the type who have everything and would be hard to buy gifts for, including Scrooge McDuck, Iron Man, and the Million Dollar Man, Ted DiBiase.

Envy

I get jealous every time I walk into a bar and see their liquor collection. While my cabinet is nothing short of amazing, I would love to have all the different flavours at my disposal that most lounges have. I’ll get there one day, but it seems every time I add a couple bottles, I run out of other spirits. It’s a constant vicious circle which I plan to eventually conquer.

Gluttony

I am prone to the occasional feast, usually centered on chips and cookies as main courses! Then, in reverse order, we follow up with starters of pulled pork, hot dogs, burgers, and a menagerie of side dishes. Dessert still finishes the meal and is comprised of a complete ice cream sundae bar, with a million toppings, like crushed chocolate bars, cookie bits, syrups and, of course, sprinkles!

Sloth

Let’s look at my daily schedule: wake up, watch TV, drink, take a nap, drink some more, order food to be delivered, watch more TV, go to bed. Yup, seems like I can check off this sin, as well. It gets a little sad when you end up making an indentation in your favourite couch spot. This is as close to marking your territory as a human should get though, so we should all let it slide.

Wrath

Hell hath no fury like the Sip Advisor scorned… in general, I’m like the Ned Flanders of the liquor world, letting folks walk all over me. But just like when ol’ Neddy finally hit his breaking point and snapped in epic proportions, I’ve been known to spontaneously combust and when that occurs, look out. Richter scale readings have been registered when I boil over and go boom.

Pride

I can be a very boastful person… you have to be when you’re a blog entrepreneur. I have no problem annoying Facebook, Twitter, and other social media outlets with my posts and advertising this wonderful site that has brought so much pleasure to me and perhaps even to one or two others. If you have a problem with this, I’d like to see you stop me!

Drink #180: Seven Deadly Sins

0.25 oz Southern Comfort
0.25 oz Bailey’s Irish Crème
0.25 oz Sambuca
0.25 oz Blue Curacao
0.25 oz Kahlua
0.25 oz Grenadine

As it says in my mixology app, the seventh sin is drinking the shot… well, consider that done!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
Layer the ingredients in order from the bottom to the top. I thought this shot tasted really good, with a slight burn, but nothing too extreme. The layering of spirits worked out reasonably well, although some of the colours blended together, like the Kahlua and Blue Curacao. You can’t win ’em all!

June 22 – Four Horsemen

Posted on June 22, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Day/Dawn/Night of the Walking Resident Evil Dead

At some point in time, everyone likes to think about what they would do in the case of an apocalyptic world. Especially with all the media out today involving these situations and the huge obsession with zombie culture. Here’s how your faithful Sip Advisor would fare in a world without order…

First, let’s set the stage:

Pauly Shore has risen to President of the United States (can you imagine!), backed by all the burnouts of Generation X. He is, in fact, the Anti-Christ that Nostradamus warned us all about and he means business. After nuking half the planet, only the Western Hemisphere exists and we’re too busy partying to realize what’s going on until it’s too late.

Here’s where the Sip Man comes into the picture!

While everyone is out getting their hands on any last food and supplies they can find, I’m out looting bars and liquor stores. This tactic has two-fold potential and benefits. First, if the world really has gone to shit, might as well be drunk and disorderly along with it. Second, when people are looking to get their fix, who do you think will wield all the power? That’s right, the boozers. I could charge ridiculously inflated prices (we’re talking stadium numbers) for my stock.

After I’ve begun to build my empire, people take notice and I gain a following. Too bad, I’m a lone wolf. I can barely take care of myself, let alone a mass of worshippers. I appreciate the sentiment, but it’s time to get outta dodge. President Shore wants Canada next.

Decked out in the best post-apocalyptic Road Warrior-style leather and spikes, I hit the road. There’s nothing left for me at home anymore. I work my way south – after all, we’ve always been led to believe that the south will rise again – and form an alliance with some of the best barbecue masters still remaining. Our strategy: bring the people in with barbecue and charge a king’s ransom for my booze. Plus we get all the pulled pork and beef brisket we could ever want to stuff our faces with.

I look so bad ass, I bet they’d take the time to make action figures of me!

We party for weeks on end, seemingly forgetting all our troubles, but eventually they catch up with us. Now it’s turned into one of those zombie apocalypse dealies. I’ve watched my fair share of undead horror movies and TV shows and here are my tips for staying safe:

Zombies love cuddles… this has never been explored in zombie fiction, but in reality, if you hug a zombie, they will never kill you. If you’re willing to do even more with a zombie, then you might be able to lead an entire army of walkers.
Don’t go outside. Why would you ever leave the safety of your home? You need food? Eat a couch cushion. You want some entertainment? I’m sure AMC will eventually put out an all-zombie network for us to enjoy. Then HBO will counter with their own zombie-demographic programming. We’ll be fine.
If I’ve learned anything the past few years, it’s that zombies already exist. All we have to do is distract them with the same devices they are currently obsessed with. Put either a smart phone or Facebook in front of them, and they will be content for hours, just drooling all over the place, their faces aglow from high screen resolution.
Really, your best advice in a zombie apocalypse is to never listen to me. I don’t have a grasp on reality, so how am I going to be any help with fictional worlds!?

Somehow, I’m able to survive and get to Mexico, where copious amounts of tequila convince people that I should be their leader and at the same time, I accept the position. Once again, we party like there’s no tomorrow… because there might not be one. I don’t treat my subjects very well, however, thanks to the summoning of my many spirit gods.

Then, in one of the saddest scenes you will ever witness, the ol’ Sip Advisor finally runs out of his nine lives. While reaching for a bottle of whiskey, I expose myself just a little too much and the coup trying to overthrow me is finally successful. Fade to black…

I bet you’re wondering where Mrs. Sip has been during this entire adventure. Well, she dumped my ass, got hitched to Pauly Shore and enjoyed the rest of her days in power and luxury. Buuuuuuddddyyyy!

Drink #173: Four Horsemen

0.5 oz Whiskey
0.5 oz Bourbon (I used Black Cherry Bourbon)
0.5 oz Scotch
0.5 oz Tequila

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
On paper this looks like a pretty scary shot, but it went down very smooth and didn’t feel like I was being punished. Perhaps my choice of spirits helped, as I used Anejo Tequila, Honey Whiskey, Black Cherry Bourbon, and a nice Scotch. This shooter also provided me a perfect opportunity to bust out my new cowboy boot shot glasses, courtesy Ma and Pa Sip!

June 15 – Carpet Licker

Posted on June 15, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Regionals

The world is littered with wonderful wine regions, where fans of the grape can pilgrimage to and get blasted winery-hopping style. While wine is far from my favourite libation, I do like to get travel wasted and visiting a winery provides some of the greatest surroundings for doing so. Here are some of the best stops to hit if you’re a connoisseur of reds and whites (and pinks, I suppose!):

Barossa Valley – Australia

This was a fun little wine tour Mrs. Sip and I did while visiting Adelaide, Australia. As good as the wine and scenery was, what I will always remember most from the tour was our picnic-style lunch, where the main course was barbecued kangaroo, marinated in red wine. I never thought kangaroo meat could be so delicious. I gorged myself on the delicacy, as well as the rest of the lunch, probably facilitated by the copious wine samples we had already enjoyed up to that point.

Okanagan Valley – British Columbia

Mrs. Sip just got back from visiting the Okanagan wine region on a stagette and if the 13 new bottles taking up space in my liquor racks is any indication, she had a good time and found some wines she really enjoyed. Heck, rumour has it Cousin Sip brought back 30 bottles of grape goodness after this 2 day trip!

Champagne/Beaujolais – France

Champagne was another wine excursion enjoyed by Mrs. Sip, minus your faithful Sip Advisor. How do I let her get away with this desertion!? While there, she sampled the wines and champagnes the region is renowned for. We were together for a brief stop in Beaujolais, where we climbed to the “Top of the World” and had a wine and picnic lunch before staying the night at a Beaujolais winery property.

Hood River – Oregon

On a weekend away with family, we hit a number of stops criss-crossing the Washington-Oregon border. We had a convoy of vehicles stopping at each business and it was fun to roll through a tasting with such a large, increasingly boisterous group. Our favourite stop was probably the Maryhill Winery, home to a summer concert series, and where guest can even hop into a tub and stomp some grapes.

Columbia Cascade – Washington

On yet another wine tour (damn, we go on a lot of these!), Mrs. Sip and I, along with Cousin Sip and her husband braved the oncoming winter to sample a number of wines in the Cascade area. The last stop of our tour was the Bavarian-themed town of Leavenworth, where the main drag houses many underground wine tasting options. Getting Mrs. Sip and Cousin Sip back on the bus was far from easy for us guys.

Napa Valley & Sonoma Valley – California

Over the years, I’ve enjoyed many California wines, but never had the chance to visit any of the winery regions the state is home to. While Mrs. Sip and I enjoyed a wonderful and quite memorable wine tasting in San Francisco (see Bay Breeze), we have never had the time to do a tour of the Napa or Sonoma Valleys. It is on our Bucket List to do together, we just need to be in the area for longing than a cruise port stop.

Santorini – Greece

The last stop as part of a tour exploring the island was visiting the Wine Museum of Santorini and Koutsoyannopoulos Winery. How do I remember such a crazy long Grecian name, you ask? Well, you see, Mrs. Sip has (or at least had) this little habit of “collecting” souvenirs from her travels. On this occasion, she wanted a glass from the little winery and to make a long story short, she got it!

Monticello – Virginia

While visiting Washington, D.C., our hosts took us out of the American capital to Virginia, specifically Monticello, where we had access to numerous wines and enjoyed a nice picnic lunch on the storied grounds of the winery surrounded by 19th century plantation ruins. Later, we ventured to the home of Thomas Jefferson, where unfortunately, no wine was served, which would have been a great tribute to the former president.

Drink #166: Carpet Licker

1 oz White Wine
0.5 oz Melon Liqueur (I used Watermelon Pucker)
0.5 oz Southern Comfort
0.5 oz Dr. Pepper
Top with Whipped Cream
Garnish with Sprinkles

I’m sure I’m missing some of the best wine regions, but I wanted to focus on areas we’ve actually visited or plan to visit in the very near future. Have any suggestions for a future getaway? Feel free to give us your best Lonely Planet review.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4.5 Sips out of 5):
I thought this shot tasted fantastic, especially with my substitution of Watermelon Pucker for Melon Liqueur… I just had a feeling. The presentation is spectacular which certainly justifies the high score. The shooter ingredients and measurements are enough for two servings, so share the love!

June 8 – B-52

Posted on June 8, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Numerically Yours

We discover our favourite numbers through a variety of sources. They can be religious in meaning, the numbers of your sports’ idols, a special date, or they could have absolutely no back story whatsoever… you just like the damn digits. Here are some of my favourite numerals:

Lucky #7 has always been my preferred jersey number. It dates back to my favourite hockey player when I was really young, Cliff Ronning. I was a small little guy growing up and Ronning was a bit of an inspiration for me giving his stature in the size-dominated sports world. I even attended Ronning’s hockey school a couple years in a row, which was an early highlight in this amazing life I lead.

I don’t fear this number at all, as I had my best young hockey season (point wise) wearing jersey #13. I’ve always found it interesting that hotels and cruise ships, among other enterprises, don’t have a “13th” floor. Doesn’t that just make floor 14 bad luck? Now you’re spreading the poison and before you know it, all numbers will be infected with evil.

When I joined a beer league hockey team one year, available numbers were scarce. I decided to take #21, hoping that eventually I’d earn an internationally recognized nickname: Blackjack. While that stardom never happened, I did put up decent numbers for the team and given it was a beer league, the ale and lager were regularly flowing, which is what the game is all about!

What red-blooded male doesn’t have a fondness when these digits come together in perfect harmony and symmetry? While not many athletes have sported the filthy little number on their jersey, it should be noted that minor league hockey enforcer Mel ‘The Mangler’ Angelstad donned the #69 while suiting up for the Washington Capitals in two career NHL outings. He recorded two penalty minutes in those games.

666

The devil’s number… it might be a scary sign to some, but I think the darkside should be embraced. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those Satanists or something, I just believe that without bad, we wouldn’t know what good was. Damn, I just had this weird flashback to the Philosophy of Religion course I took many moons ago. I need something to wash that taste out of my mouth.

2012

Not only was this supposed to be the year of the Mayan-predicted “end of time”, but it was also the year I got married to Mrs. Sip… which I thought would surely bring about the apocalypse. I was pretty sure as we exchanged our vows and said our “I dos” that I could hear the faint galloping of the four horsemen… that would have made for some pretty epic wedding photos, am I right!?

6679

The above number looks totally random and while it is, it does hold special meaning for both Mrs. Sip and me. While I can’t divulge why it’s an important number for us, I’m sure that some smart hacker type out there will probably figure it out and ruin our lives. I say bring it on and we will destroy you!

Drink #159: B-52

0.5 oz Kahlua
0.5 oz Bailey’s Irish Crème
0.5 oz Grand Marnier

This post has been brought to you by the numbers 19, 22, 25, and 30… if anybody out there in Sip Nation can crack code as to what these numbers mean, drop me a line. We’re talking Da Vinci Code shizzle here!

Sip Advisor’s Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I thoroughly enjoyed this shot and am now inspired to try other members of the B-[insert number here] family. The Grand Marnier adds a nice orange taste to the Kahlua and Bailey’s, which often team up together for positive results. Layering these ingredients wasn’t nearly as difficult as other shots and cocktails that require the same technique.

June 1 – Procrastinator

Posted on June 1, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Distraction Guaranteed

The vast and wondrous internet is about more than just free porn and Facebook follies. There is unlimited entertainment out there on the wild, wild web, which a procrastinator such as myself can fall into for hours at a time! Here is some suggested viewing:

Epic Meal Time

These Canadian boys sure know how to do food right. Their videos begin with the team gathering various ingredients (usually from fast food restaurants like KFC, McDonalds and Burger King) before they unite to make a meal of epic proportions… hence the name. The EMT crew love their bacon (who doesn’t!) and they also feature Jack Daniel’s Whiskey in a bunch of their recipes. Sip Advisor Favourite: Fast Food Sushi – so many sauces!

Everyday Drinkers

I really like this guy and his videos on how to make a number of different cocktails. His laid back and common man approach puts you at ease and he shows that everyone is capable of making these multi-ingredient drinks, regardless of mixology acumen. My bar collection is pretty sweet, but the Common Man cocktail slinger has a stock of liquors that would make anyone envious. Sip Advisor Favourite: Too hard to narrow down, just check out the guy’s work!

LOLCats

It’s common knowledge that I’m a cat guy and have featured them favourably and heavily on this site. The LOLCats mix fun images of kitties messing around with any number of hilarious jokes. The quality ranges from mediocre to downright brilliant, but you won’t be disappointed after a visit to this site. Sip Advisor Favourite: Probably the “I Can Has Cheezburger” series.

Angry Video Game Nerd

What’s best about the Angry Video Game Nerd’s videos is that they take you back to a simpler time in your life, when your little world revolved around Nintendo (and other systems) and your difficulties in beating various games from its library. The guy is also pretty funny in his review of difficult or craptacular games. For anyone who enjoys watching others play at the arcade, these videos are for you. Sip Advisor Favourite: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles – difficult, but classic game…

Between Two Ferns

Hosted by Zach Galifianakis, these interviews (if you can call a host ignoring and degrading his guest an interview) are good for a few laughs. Some of Hollywood’s top names have visited Galifinakis’s little set, including Will Ferrell, Ben Stiller, Bradley Cooper, Conan O’Brien, and many more. In typical Galifianakis style, you never really know what he’s going to say, but you know it will be awkwardly funny. Sip Advisor Favourite: Bruce Willis because of the line from Galifianakis, “Did you know that some actors turn down roles?”

Addicting Games

This site got me through a large portion of my college years, messing around and trying different games. While I’m an ardent fan of the match three genre, there are many other casual games I enjoy giving a whirl. Sip Advisor Favourites: Cursed Treasure, for the tower defense fans out there and, of course, Kitten Cannon, where you launch a kitten out of a cannon and see how far it will fly. (No animals were harmed in the making of this post).

Botch-A-Mania

For the wrestling fans out there, you have to check out the Botch-A-Mania videos on YouTube. They let you relive some of professional wrestling greatest screw-ups (affectionately known in the industry as botches). Some of these are so funny you’ll be rolling on the floor, laughing your ass off. For bonus wrestling fun, check out WrestleCrap for the craziest in squared circle coverage. Sip Advisor Favourite: Probably when Booker T dropped an N-bomb on Hulk Hogan!

Drink #152: Procrastinator

Rim glass with Caramel Syrup and Skor Bits
0.75 oz Frangelico
0.75 oz Honey Whiskey

Of course, you could also spend countless hours on this site, enjoying all the Sip Advisor has to offer. Thanks to the fine folks above, I’ve wasted numerous hours of my life. While Mrs. Sip might wish things were different, I wouldn’t have it any other way!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
You can also make a Procrastination Martini with Gin, Dry Vermouth, Limoncello and Green Chartreuse, but I preferred the shooter recipe. This is a pretty strong shot, but it tastes good. I had trouble constructing the Skor Bit rim, having to resort to Caramel Syrup as an adhesive to make those suckers stick. Any chance I have to use Honey Whiskey is one I’m going to take!

May 25 – Banana Boomer

Posted on May 25, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Attached at the Hip

I got the formula for today’s shot from one of those recipe cards attached to the bottle of Crème de Banane I bought a few months back. While it’s somewhat common nowadays to receive a few ideas on how to use the liquor you’re buying, companies have also come up with a number of creative freebies to entice customers to purchase their brand over another. Here are some of those items:

Beef Jerky – Alberta Premium Whiskey

Nothing beats buying a bottle of liquor and having a suggested snack right there waiting for your consumption. It’s one stop shopping, as now you don’t have to hit the convenience store on your way home and can get straight to the important part: the drinking! One little side note about Alberta Premium Whiskey: it was the favourite drink of one Jim Lahey on Trailer Park Boys, except the label was covered (for copyright reasons) with Jeddore Premium, a joke on the French J’adore, meaning “I love”!

Glasses – Various

As common as it is to get recipe cards with your booze, a glass to enjoy those recipes in is frequently thrown into the sale’s mix. My favourite glasses that I’ve been able to accumulate include the always classy Crown Royal, the fun-loving Bacardi, and delicious Jack Daniel’s Honey Whiskey shot glass. One day, this could be like a young kid’s baseball card collection… just a little more scrumptious.

Pump – Big Bottles (Smirnoff Vodka, Jack Daniel’s Whiskey)

I’m not sure if anyone other than me has looked close enough, but you know those giant bottles of liquor… I’m talking about the ones that come in at a price of about $100 and are 3 litres… did you ever notice that they come with a giant pump, similar to ones that come on hand soap? I guess that’s not really a freebie and more of a necessary accessory, but it’s pretty cool nonetheless.

Mini Bottles – Various

Another fixture of the liquor freebie is the mini bottle of the same or another brand. If I have the choice between buying a bottle with no mini bottle attached and buying a bottle that comes with a mini bottle of another liqueur I’ve been wanting to try, of course I’m going to take the free mini. I’m smarter than the average alcoholic, after all!

Muddler – Bacardi White

I’ve already recounted the tail about how I went out and bought a $40 bottle of rum a few years back, just because it came with a muddler. It was at a time when I was just getting into mixology and experimenting with different ingredients and techniques. While I could have just gone to a kitchen utensil store and picked up a muddler for $10, I figured it never hurts to have a giant bottle of rum accompany said muddler.

Luggage Tags – Fuzion Wines

This is just a neat little add on and a fantastic marketing ploy by Fuzion Wines. What a perfect way to spread word of their wines across the world than have customers (or as I like to affectionately call them, mules) do it for you, as they travel the globe. Not to mention, buyers will be more drawn to your wine among the thousands that exist if you are offering them a little something extra. It’s win-win-win!

Chocolates – Bailey’s Irish Crème, etc.

You might as well indulge your sweet tooth while grabbing some booze to go. These treats are often combined with Irish Crèmes and Chocolate Liqueurs, but can also be found with bottles of wine and even tequila brands. Usually the chocolates are long gone before the bottle of booze has even been tapped (especially with Mrs. Sip around), but it’s the thought that counts.

Drink #145: Banana Boomer

1 oz Crème de Banane
0.5 oz Vodka
Garnish with Banana Runts

What was your favourite alcohol freebie? I’m sure there are many out there that I’ve missed, given that I largely have to do my liquor shopping in Canada and despite the fact we’re supposed to be some of the nicest, friendliest people in the world, we don’t seem to be extremely high on liquor swag. I guess you can only be so awesome!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
This shot tastes very good, an obvious conclusion given the ingredients. You’ll want to be careful with any candy you put into the shot, as they could become a choking hazard (unless you’re into auto-erotic asphyxiation). The one downside of the drink is that it’s a little plain. Still, it’s a fun one to bust out around friends!

May 18 – Alien Piss

Posted on May 18, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Alien-Nation

In reality, we are all “aliens” to someone else. However, the following characters are completely out of this world. If life really exists “out there”, I only hope that these beings are similar to the entries that I’ve compiled below. That would make for some very interesting extra-terrestrial visitors and hopefully a few folks to share some drinks with!

Mork – Mork & Mindy

Only the high-intensity comedic stylings of Robin Williams could make this character really work. It probably helped that he was pretty coked up during this portion of his life. I mean, standing on your head when asked to take a seat (which is how Williams landed the gig on the spot)… how crazy is that! You also have to remember Mork for the catchphrases he created, including the greeting “Na-Nu, Na-Nu” and the curse word “Shazbot”.

Roger Smith – American Dad

One of my favourite characters of all time! Roger is a booze consuming, costume wearing, mayhem causing, intergalactic traveler. Did I mention that he drinks a lot? He puts us all to shame with the copious amounts of liquor he can throw back. I guess aliens just know how to party better than we do and maybe we should be learning from them, rather than the other way around.

Dr. Zoidberg – Futurama

There are so many characters I could choose from the futuristic series (Kif, Nibbler, etc.), but I’ll settle for poor Dr. Zoidberg. Sadly, nobody really gets the big fellow and it’s a recurring joke about how disliked the good doctor is. Zoidberg is really a gentle soul… at least until he returns to his home planet, where he becomes embroiled in the mating battle of his species and nearly kills colleague Philip J. Fry in the frenzied process.

Alf – Alf

You little sippers out there know that the Sip Advisor loves his puppets and Alf places very respectively on my list of favourites. His verbal sparring with Willie Tanner, the man of the house, was always fun to watch. I’m not one for violence against animals, but it would have been interesting if Alf ever got his hands on the Tanner’s cat, Lucky. Hey, hold on a second. The Full House family was also named Tanner. I wonder if they were related!?

Marvin the Martian – Looney Tunes

While I never really thought much of Marvin when he was placed in the role of protagonist, it was always fun to see him get blown up and maimed in other manners at the hands of Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck. You still have to give credit to Marvin for being one of the first alien characters ever, debuting in 1948.

The Solomons – 3rd Rock From the Sun

This show was vastly underappreciated during its time, but it had a really talented cast and good writing. The show involved a team of four aliens who were sent to earth to observe humans and report back to their leader, The Big Giant Head. You had Dick, the captain of the mission; Harry, the communications officer; Sally, the security and weapons expert; and young Tommy, the wise, old (despite his teenager appearance) information guru. As they adapted to the foreign world around them, hilarity ensued showing just how funny interspecies interaction can be.

Kang & Kodos – The Simpsons

Making regular guest appearances for The Simpsons Treehouse of Horrors Halloween specials, Kang and Kodos have done everything from abduct the Simpson family to win the American presidential election and overthrow earth. I think you’d have to be an alien to want to be a politician. All that smiling and ass kissing you have to do certainly couldn’t be tolerated by most normal people of the human species. Perhaps they’re just ingesting…

Drink #138: Alien Piss

Rim glass with Alien Piss (just kidding, it’s Caramel Syrup)
0.3 oz Honey Whiskey (I used Jack Daniel’s)
0.3 oz Blue Curacao
0.3 oz Sour Apple Mixer
0.3 oz Sweet & Sour Mix
0.3 oz Lemon-Lime Soda

I always find it amazing that so many shows with aliens involve them wanting to learn about our culture and behavior. Really! Do aliens really need to know about selfies, monster truck rallies, and beer pong?… well, maybe that last one would come in handy.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
This is a fun little shot with lots of ingredients. Going in, I had no clue what it would taste like and all I can describe it as afterwards is delicious. It’s a very light shooter, but all the ingredients are nice, so you make peace with it not getting you blitzed. If you wanted it to be more boozy, you could switch to Sour Apple Puss or Pucker and use some sort of Citrus Rum or Vodka, as well.

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The Good, The Bad & The Bubbly

Category Archives: Shots & Shooters