June 26 – Lemon Cry

Posted on June 26, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Just Dew It

We continue our four-part series examining the new Mountain Dew flavours today, tasting the White Out selection. With a name like that, this mixer is sure to be a favourite of white supremacists everywhere, but how will it fare in the Sip Advisor headquarters? Carrying on yesterdays theme, we again check out another smattering of liquors that look fascinating to try. If anyone wants to be my rich benefactor and allow me to sample these alcohols, I am open to a quid pro quo arrangement (*wink, wink*)!

Malibu Fresh

Most people wouldn’t think of combining coconut and mint, but that’s one of the greatest things about mixology: experimenting with different ingredients and stumbling upon something that is delicious, despite conventional wisdom saying those elements shouldn’t blend together very well. If I could get my hands on some Malibu Fresh (I saw it in stores briefly last year), I would put it straight to work in some coconut mojitos!

After Shock Liqueur / Fire & Ice

These two spirits combine cinnamon and peppermint liqueurs, which I find to be such an interesting contrast. I guess you could just put together ingredients like Fireball Whiskey and Peppermint Schnapps, but I don’t think the results would work out as well. I like the names of each alcohol, too, with Fire & Ice perhaps being one of the most aptly-named spirits in libation history!

Bombay Sapphire East

This alcohol takes the already wonderful Bombay Sapphire Gin and adds a couple “eastern” elements to alter the flavour. Lemongrass and black peppercorns join the party, apparently to offset the sweetness of American tonic water. I’m very curious to try this spirit and can see it working well in a number of cocktails. Let’s make all our dreams come true and track down this mysterious treasure.

Hot & Sweet Cactus

As I’ve mentioned on this site before, Hot & Sweet was one of the liqueurs Mrs. Sip and I found in Norway. It can best be described as a salty Black Sambuca. I have since found other flavours put out by the company including Hot & Sweet Cactus. I have no clue how the flavours of salt, licorice and cactus will all come together. I only hope that the prickly needles aren’t part of the alcohol, as it may be punishment enough just to swallow the concoction.

Oddka Electricity Vodka

When I first found out about Oddka Electricity, I immediately thought the taste would be similar to licking a battery. Now, Mrs. Sip will tell you that I do a lot of pretty stupid stuff, with a complete and utter disregard for my own body and well-being. That is why I must taste this vodka (licking the battery wasn’t enough to quell my curiousity!) and report to the world about its notes and highlights.

Drink #177: Lemon Cry

1.5 oz Whiskey
Top with half Sweet & Sour Mix and half Mountain Dew: White Out
Garnish with Lemon Wedges

Well, we’re now at the halfway point of the Mountain Dew discovery challenge. Two more days of liquors I want to taste and Mountain Dews I must taste are right around the corner. Won’t ya be my neighbour!?

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I found that this was a very good drink. My decision to use Honey Whiskey was amazing (no surprise there) and the other ingredients provided a fun sour martini experience.
The White Out Mountain Dew is probably the closest to the original flavour and works well as a refreshing soda and mixer.

June 18 – Paradise

Posted on June 18, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Paradise Found

Everyone has their own idea of paradise. Here’s mine:

Drinks

Let’s start with the easy stuff. There is a 24/7 all-inclusive open bar. All the best liquors from around the world are in full stock and the taps are filled with my favourite beers. Every garnish you can imagine is ready to be used and interesting glassware is in abundance.

Food & Snacks

All my favourites are served around the clock. We’ve even imported items from my preferred restaurants and room service is available at all hours of the day, with no extra charge. There is a bottomless (Mrs. Sip won’t be alone!) candy bar that is filled with all the finest chocolate, gummies, and sours the world over. Similarly, every chip flavor is represented with a fully-stocked chip bowl bar, where the motto is: “come for the salt, stay for the flavour!”

Wardrobe

It is illegal for Mrs. Sip to wear anything more than a bikini, including in the winter, although she is allowed to wear a robe then. Meanwhile, the weather is so perfect, that I spend my days in swimsuit and tank to show off my chiseled-out-of-rock body!

Music

Classic rock tunes are pumped into the atmosphere non-stop and only shut off for naps and sleepy time. Mrs. Sip is allowed the odd dance tune, but it has to be approved by my commission of music experts and it will cost her half her wardrobe.

Movies & TV

Only the best in adult animated comedy is broadcast in my paradise… okay, I’ll allow some other programming, but it will largely be comedy-based, with only a few dramatic shows sprinkled amongst the line-up schedule. Everything is, of course, viewed on a state-of-the-art projection screen in our theatre wing.

Activities

Aside from the open bar and buffet, there are a few essential setting elements I can’t forget. There is a lazy river that I can wind down every day, eventually finishing off with a dramatic raft waterslide and pool drop. There is also a hot tub where we can party and relax our tense muscles. Looking for evening entertainment? How about trying your luck at the casino or taking your lady on a date night to the fully-stocked games room or even 18-hole mini-golf course! Finally, what dreamland would be complete without one of these…

Exercise

In a perfect world, we would all look exactly how we wanted without having to put any effort into keeping fit and healthy. That said, all my favourite sports equipment is readily available, including an ice rink for hockey and a complete gym. Best of all, in this little world, you don’t get gross callouses on your hands that take forever to fully heal. Let’s not forget about the hardcore calorie-burning sexercise either!

Miscellaneous

There has to be some pets in this perfect world and that would definitely include kitties and puppies. Birds are shot on sight, if they somehow manage to make it past my crack security staff. I think that about sums it up. Ah, I love imagination!

Drink #169: Paradise

1.5 oz Gin (I used Tanqueray)
1 oz Apricot Brandy
Top with Orange Juice
Garnish with Apricot Slice

I guess, for the most part, I basically described a cruise where you largely stay in your room, eat and drink what you want and have a number of entertainment options at your fingertips. What would you include in your paradise? There are NO wrong answers… except for birds!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
Like all Orange Drink/Apricot Brandy concoctions, this reminds the palate of a Creamsicle. The addition of Gin makes it a little boozier than other recipes, but it tastes good. I subbed Orange Soda for Orange Juice because I wanted to try something different and OJ, I’m just not that into you!

June 17 – Mojave Green Rattlesnake

Posted on June 17, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Fear Factor

I am an ophidiophobe. There, I said it. The first step on the road to recovery is admitting what I am. In layman’s terms: much like Indiana Jones, Conan the Barbarian, Johnny Cash, Andre the Giant, Pee Wee Herman, and Bam Margera (among other legendary characters of my ilk!), The Sip Advisor has a deathly fear of snakes.

It could stem from a cousin chasing me around when we were younger with a Tung Lashor (He-man and the Masters of the Universe) action figure. This toy had a long darting tongue that could be launched by rolling a wheel on the villain’s back. I can still vividly see my pose-able nightmare.

Heh, you’re not so tough anymore, are ya… with your fruit roll-up tongue!

I was also a wrestling fan as a wee lad and watching Jake ‘The Snake’ Roberts bring his menagerie of serpents with him to the ring (and often use them on a fallen foe). This surely had some psychologically damaging effects on me… well, I guess no more so than the average wrestling maniac.

Over the years, I’ve tried to make peace with the slithering ones and it is on my bucket list to work up the courage to touch a live snake. That may be harder to do than I ever thought, as just going near the snake aquariums at any zoo give me the no-no feeling.

I wrote a psychology paper once, detailing my efforts to get over my fear. It included looking at pictures of snakes and watching snake movie and TV programs, working all the way up to going into a pet store and walking right up to the snake tanks without hurriedly and nervously speeding by. I got a decent grade on that paper, but I never actually went into the store. A good drinker knows that recovery can be faked!

Apparently actress Salma Hayek spent two months with therapists getting over her fear of snakes so she could take the part of Satanico Pandemonium in From Dusk Till Dawn. Director Robert Rodriguez tricked her into thinking that Madonna was about to sign on for the role, prompting Hayek to face her fears.

I’m a little surprised the snake is so limp!

All that said, I do have a fascination with the creatures, often watching movies and TV programs involving serpents. Although, I have to admit, when I am watching any of the Anaconda movies or the Austin Stevens: Snakemaster biography series, I’m careful to keep my feet off the ground, for fear that a snake is waiting under the couch, poised to attack me with its toxic venom.

After all, my boy Launchpad McQuack thought he was okay with snakes until one tried to eat him. All we need is for everyone to have an experience like this and we’ll all be on the same page, fighting a common enemy. Talk about world unity y’all.

Drink #168: Mojave Green Rattlesnake

1.5 oz 1800 Añejo Tequila
0.5 oz Melon Liqueur
Top with Sweet & Sour Mix
Garnish with Gummy Snakes

I much prefer my snakes shaken and stirred in a beverage, rather than slithering toward this sexy beast we know as The Sip Advisor. I’ve even mustered the courage to have eaten fried rattlesnake before. I know I’ve likely disappointed some of you, to let it be known that I, the ‘Slicker of Liquor’ do indeed fear something. A drink of this and living with yourself will be much easier.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (5 Sips out of 5):
This drink was originally on the schedule all the way back in April. I had this vision of garnishing the cocktail with a gummy snake, which seemed easy enough to achieve. And then it took two months for me to track one down. Ironically, on the same day I finally found one in a candy store in London, Ma Sip located one in Hawaii. As for the martini itself, the best part is the smoky aftertaste that comes from the Añejo Tequila, rounding out the flavours of the Melon Liqueur and Sweet & Sour Mix.

June 5 – Asian Mist

Posted on June 5, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Spit Roast

I’m not sure if this is where the drink gets its name, but it’s a common gimmick in wrestling for a Japanese grappler – Great Kabuki, Great Muta, Killer Khan, Yoshihiro Tajiri, Kwang, and the list of foreign baddies goes on and on – to spit “Asian Mist” in their opponent’s eyes. The act is so common that the different-coloured mists even have diverse “effects”. Green blinds temporarily, red burns, black blinds for prolonged periods, blue puts rival’s to sleep, yellow paralyzes, and purple causes memory loss… only in the crazy world of wrestling! Here are some other well-known spitters:

Acid Reflux

In the Mortal Kombat game franchise, the character of Reptile can spit poisonous venom at his opponent – “forward, forward, A”– was the move combo, I believe. Reptile was one of my favourite characters to use in the game because of his bad ass ways. Over the years, his fatalities (a hallmark of the MK series) have included biting off the head of an opponent and regurgitating deadly acid upon a prone foe.

Bloody Hell

In a somewhat similar vein to the Asian Mist, gothic wrestler Gangrel was known to drink “blood” from a goblet and then spit it into the air, or into the face of a foe, blinding them in the process. Those crazy vampires… what will they think of next? If only us humans could harness a way to spit daylight in their faces and eradicate your Edwards and Bellas from the world.

Dilophosaurus Venomous

In Jurassic Park, these little bastards are known to spit blinding venom at their human creators and captors… you think the little monsters would have some sense of gratitude! On the theme park attraction based off the movie franchise, the first sign of danger occurs when some Dilophosaurs pop up and promptly spit at the passing vehicles and passengers. They’ve caught me a time or two and I have to say that I must be immune to their toxins because I reacted to it similarly to everyday tap water.

Dis-Service Industry

There has always been a fear amongst restaurant complainers that their food will be returned to them with a loogie special sauce added to their meal, courtesy of a disgruntled cook or cashier. I’m not a natural complainer (don’t you hate those people!), but this fear provides an additional reason not to do so in fast food joints or any other eatery. I like my burger sans spit, thank you very much.

Sports Salivation

There have been a number of spitting incidents in the realm of professional sports, each more disgusting than the last. It doesn’t seem to matter which sport is being played, as even golfer Tiger Woods had to deal with an incident after spitting on a green during a tournament in Dubai. Possibly the most famous spit scandal belongs to Roberto Alomar, who loogied on an umpire. He still managed to gain entry into the Baseball Hall of Fame, despite the controversy.

I’m Hit: The Keith Hernandez Story

This may be one of my favourite Seinfeld moments, as Kramer and Newman tell the story of baseball star Keith Hernandez spitting on them following a game. The entire scene mimics the movie JFK, and the recounting of the story is filmed in a similar fashion to the Zapruder videos of John F. Kennedy’s assassination. Jerry takes the role of conspiracy theorist and proves that there had to be a second spitter to explain the outlandish tale.

Spit-Take

Comedian and actor Danny Thomas is often credited with inventing the spit-take. I wonder if he would have come up with the gag if he knew that many years later, wrestlers would be blinding their opponents and causing memory loss using the same tactic he used to get laughs!?

Drink #156: Asian Mist

1.5 oz Malibu Rum
0.75 oz Melon Liqueur
0.25 oz White Rum
Top with half Lemon-Lime Soda and half Pineapple Juice
Garnish with a Lemon Wedge

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
This drink was a little on the sweet side, but it’s relatively strong and, like always, that’s a good thing. The coconut and lemon flavours work well together, but sometimes I just can’t get my head around pineapple juice. I mean, I love Hawaiian-style pizza, but drinking the stuff has been known to throw me off.

June 3 – Rob Roy

Posted on June 3, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Reading Rainbow

Mrs. Sip will sadly tell you that I don’t read very much of anything. I suppose I’m a visual learner, but that may be a complete fabrication. I’ve often bragged that I’m the world’s first non-reading writer. That said, I have found great enjoyment from these drink recipe books and other gifts:

Old Man Drinks

These are cocktails solely meant for hardened veterans of the booze wars. Spliced together with quotes from advanced drinkers are many wonderful recipes, mostly invoking strong alcohols like whiskey, scotch, rum and gin. I’ve used this brilliant little book for a bunch of drinks that have been featured on this site, including today’s libation.

The Ultimate Bar Book

This book is massive! Massive is a good thing, though, as that means it holds a copious amount of recipes, tips and other notes. You can really find almost anything in the manual’s 816 pages. For example, there are entries on selected brands for virtually every liquor I’ve ever heard of… and I’ve heard of a lot of spirits. There are also a ton of recipes which will make you thirst for a cocktail.

Pink Panther Cocktail Party Deck

Sure, this set contains a full-deck of cards, except they’re not of the playing variety, they’re of the drinking variety. I’ve played a fun little game before where I draw a random card and then make said drink. Best of all, you can play this game all by your lonesome. It’s like the best game of solitaire ever… until some ass hat says you’re an alcoholic for drinking alone!

Margarita Martini Mojito

I’ll give you three guesses as to what types of recipes are contained in this book. Need a couple hints? Well, you’re wrong, it covers champagne, beer and wine cocktails. Just kidding, you were totally right, as you used your ESP to tap into my train wreck of a brain. There are some wicked drinks in this book, covering the three M’s of cocktails, that I’ll surely have to consider going forward.

Drink #154: Rob Roy

2 oz Scotch (I used Glenfiddich Millennium Vintage)
1 oz Sweet Vermouth
Dash of Orange Bitters
Garnish with a Maraschino Cherry

This seems like the perfect drink to sit back with, open up one of my recipe books and take notes on the next great creations for all you little sippers. Just let me grab my ol’ reading goggles and notepad. Mrs. Sip better check up on me every few minutes to make sure I don’t doze off or flip on the TV!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
This is such a classic drink and it’s been well-documented that I like my Manhattan family cocktails. This was also the first time I got to play around with a new bottle of Orange Bitters (courtesy Ma and Pa Sip). There’s not too much to really complain about for this drink, so make one today and enjoy!

May 31 – A Brisk Walk through the Red Light District

Posted on May 31, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

The Tales We’ll Tell

This drink has, by far, the longest name I’ve ever seen in my years of cocktail experiences. That makes it all the more intriguing to try. It also harkens back to memories of the Red Light Districts this Sip Advisor has traversed. Some of those remembrances are foggier than others, so let’s tip-toe our way together through the seedy underbelly of some of the world’s most famous cities!

Amsterdam, Netherlands

Okay, so this visit was a little messed up… and that’s probably putting it lightly. Amsterdam is home to many pot cafes and such and whether you’re a regular user of the drug or not, it’s all part of the experience. Our night started out innocently enough at one of the district’s classic sex shows, where we received a grab bag of little treats and watched performers do much more than bump and grind. The weirdest part, aside from the “smoking scene” was all the Asian business dudes sitting quietly in the back and taking the show quite seriously.

Next, we were off to the Sex Museum, free entry with our sex show ticket stub, with a quick stop to sample some of the city’s famous delicacies. Mrs. Sip and I agreed to split a “special” brownie and wait a little while before trying anything else (as suggested on a health advisory slip that came with the product we chose). After only waiting about 20 minutes, we threw caution to the wind and try something else because “we didn’t feel anything”. Famous last words…

The brownie finally kicked in at the top floor of the Sex Museum, where you could sit on a giant toadstool (at least I hope they were toadstools) and watch an animated Snow White parody porno. Did I mention that there was a giant 7 foot phallus in the room, too… oh, and some creepy dude who seemed to be in there all by his lonesome watching the Snow White cartoon a tad to seriously.

Somehow, we made it back to our hostel that night, a little worse for wear. We returned to the district on our own the next night, still feeling a little foggy from the activities of the evening before, and hoping to experience the area in a different mood.

New Orleans, U.S.A.

Ah, sweet Bourbon Street. Home to Mardi Gras and by extension, beads and boobies. When I was just a little sipper, the Sip Family stopped in N’Orleans along our cross country train trip. Although myself and Broski Sip weren’t of legal age yet, we were allowed to walk the famous boulevard and get a glimpse of its partying ways. With jazz music bellowing out of many establishments and posters advertising strip shows at nearly every corner, I thought I’d found heaven. I have pledged to return to the area and do it properly, although Mrs. Sip might have to think twice about wearing those low-cut tops!

Paris, France

Home to the infamous Moulin Rouge cabaret, Mrs. Sip and I wandered the district briefly and waited for our tour bus to pick us up. Sadly, it never came and we had to figure out our own way back to our campsite far outside of town… stupid budget tours! We weren’t there for too long, but one of the highlights of being in the area was just watching all the different people and traffic, as it filled the streets. What an eclectic gathering of humanity!

Hamburg, Germany

While visiting family, we were treated to a tour of the world famous Reeperbahn (which sounds like the site of a serial killer’s stalking ground… and it probably was at some point). The area is full of history and not just of a sexual nature. Did you know The Beatles first gained fame outside of Liverpool there? It’s also where they met Ringo Starr, who would eventually replace Pete Best as the band’s drummer.

Even the Queen goes to the Reeperbahn to get blitzed!

You might think it a little awkward to be exploring streets lined with sex shops, legal prostitution and other sinful recreational activities with your family, but it’s more funny than anything else. Pa Sip joined myself and Broski Sip for a walk down the alley where ladies try to sell their wares… and if you give them a tough time, legend has it you could be on the receiving end of a bucket of water… or, at least you hope it’s water.

During the evening, we stopped in this tiny little pizza joint for a quick bite. The place had the most disgusting bathrooms I’ve ever seen, but some of the most delicious pizza I’ve ever tried. The mathematical formula I’ve come up with is pizza > bathroom + drunk = who the hell cares!

Drink #151: A Brisk Walk through the Red Light District

Rim glass with Lemon Sugar
1.5 oz Whiskey (I used Crown Royal)
1 oz Sweet Vermouth
Top with Iced Tea
Garnish with a Lemon Wedge

It’s funny how much these notorious Red Light Districts are now must-hit tourist attractions for all ages. If a city you’re travelling to has one, I’d say you have to visit it and take in all it has to offer (well, maybe not everything), for better or worse!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (2.5 Sips out of 5):
I didn’t really like the way this cocktail came together. The Sweet Vermouth, despite only being a splash dominated the drink when I wanted to taste the Iced Tea. Oh well…

May 28 – Japanese Slipper

Posted on May 28, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Land of the Rising Sun

Near the top of Mrs. Sip’s and my “Countries We’d Like to Visit” list is Japan. When we go, we’d like to be there for about a month, so we can really soak in all the country has to offer. As a result, this will be the first ever Sip Advisor two-part epic, as we examine all the touristy things we’d like to hit. Of course, if I cut out all the entries where I’m just trying to be funny, we could probably get it down to a one-part epic, but that would be blasphemous, so just bear with me. And away, we go!

Meet Godzilla

I’m sure he’d be cool with signing a few autographs for me and Mrs. Sip. I heard Godzilla and Mothra were currently touring together, hitting all the sci-fi conventions. Good for them and a lesson for the entire world to put aside their differences and unite in the name of making mad money!

Watch Wrestling

Of course, there’s the cultural sumo wrestling, which would be on the list, but I also grew up watching the odd bootlegged tape of Japanese professional wrestling (known as Puroresu) and so I would also need to attend one of these shows, as well. The fans are very different in Japan than in North America (or anywhere else in the world, for that matter). They are very respectful and often sit quietly in their seats until something important happens, causing them to let out a roar of cheers or disapproval before returning to their hushed state.

Eat Sushi

Vancouver (the city made famous by The Sip Advisor) has really good sushi, thanks to being located so close to the ocean. That said, you would have to try this phenomena in its native land. I’ve heard it recommended that you try one of the conveyor belt sushi restaurants, so I’m down with that. I’ve also been warned that Japanese sushi and other fish may contain toxins that tourists can’t handle. Sounds like a good challenge!

Train as a Ninja

I’m very good at sneaking around, but my martial arts skills could use some work. I think the fun part would be weapons training, where I’m sure I’d bash myself in the groin with nun chucks and kendo sticks, alike. Hopefully by the time we move onto katanas (swords) and shurikens (throwing stars), this is no longer a reoccurring issue.

Stay in a Love Hotel

While Mrs. Sip and I frequent hourly rate accommodations, this would be a new experience. She can take her usual catnap, while I can peruse the erotic TV programs, try on some kinky costumes and try to chat with all the employees who are supposed to remain out of sight and anonymous. This way, we’ll both be refreshed for the next stop on our whirlwind tour!

Lose Money Playing Pachinko

A game similar to the famous Price is Right contest, Plinko, Pachinko Parlours can be found all throughout Japan. The cool thing about gambling at this game is that you would have something physical – the little balls you try to get to drop in the right slots – to show your winnings, like how Vegas and other gambler’s havens used to actually reward players with coins, not credits.

Buy Something Crazy in a Vending Machine

Apparently these dudes and dudettes have everything from panties to hot dogs to umbrellas in their vending machines. Perhaps I’ll grab one of each!

Drink #148: Japanese Slipper

1 oz Melon Liqueur
1 oz Cointreau
1 oz Lemon Juice
Garnish with Sour Watermelon

Tomorrow we continue with our tour of Japan. Join us as we offend nearly every citizen of Japanimation!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
In a perfect world, I would have been able to use Midori for this martini, but it is unfortunately not easily or economically available to me. Therefore, I resorted to my Melon Liqueur, which always comes through in clutch situations. I find that Lemon Juice can sometimes be too dominant in a recipe, but that doesn’t happen here. It works well with the Melon Liqueur and Cointreau and you taste different things with each sip, which is enjoyable.

May 20 – Sex on the Beach

Posted on May 20, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Making Whoopee

I certainly don’t advocate getting freaky along the shoreline. What with all that sand that could wind up literally anywhere. I don’t even like sand getting in between my toes, so I would abhor the substance being wedged betwixt my buttocks. While I’d like to think that any setting provides a good opportunity for doing the down and dirty, here are some other places you might want to avoid:

Airplane Bathroom

Getting two people crammed into this very tight space would be a modern miracle. Then, putting up with the stench the last guy left for you long enough to finish your business would be a performance of Iron Man proportions. I know that a lot of folks want to join the “Mile High Club”, but is it really worth all the coordination and effort. My advice is to keep it on the ground, unless you’re ever financially set enough to have your own private plane. In that case, go nuts… literally!

Theme Park Ride

Perhaps this was more achievable many years ago when cameras weren’t everywhere and security was more lax. Today, you never really know where people are located on rides, hidden in the darkness and making sure riders follow all the rules. I remember being on Splash Mountain once and I had the double-wide backseat to myself with Mrs. Sip in front. Just before the big drop she tried to slide back to sit with me (not to do anything sensual, but just because it’s fun to sit together heading into the briar patch), until some dude emerged from the shadows, scaring the bejesus out of both of us. Mrs. Sip promptly returned to her assigned spot and as soon as we finished the attraction, we got the eff out of dodge.

Forest

Unless you want to go home with sap and pine needles pasted all over your body (similar to stripper pasties, but tougher to remove… as if I have comprehensive knowledge of the devices), the forest may not be the best place to find an intimate moment. Sure it provides the two elements that the above entries lack – privacy and spaciousness – but it’s not the cleanliest of settings. If you thrive on getting dirty, in all manner and senses, then go wild!

Dance Floor

I know with all the raunchy bumpin’ and grindin’ that occurs at the clubs nowadays, it’s hard not getting all hot and bothered. I can remember many times (and I am far from a clubbing regular) where a guy and a girl were getting really physical with each other, likely thinking everybody was doing their own thing and not paying them attention. On the contrary, every single person on the dance floor stopped en masse and was watching this exhibit of primal passion. Might as well give them a golf clap for their efforts.

Body of Water

Surely, someone will die during your exploits in the H2O. Whether it is from drowning or the always hilarious going over a waterfall, one or both of you are not going to have a very good time. With questions regarding the purity of nearly every body of water on earth today, is that really something you want to be trifling in. Remember, that’s where fishies pee!

Playground

Talk about rockin’ out teeter-totter style! The problem with a playground is that there’s too many apparatus options, all of which carry a high degree of risk and injury. You could go down the slide together, but one of you would surely topple over the other. You could try the swings, but one or both of you will be compelled to jump into the rough gravel below. Finally, there’s the fire pole, but that will just ruin all of your memories of the classic Batman live action show, not to mention some kind of chaffing with all that exposed skin.

Drink #140: Sex on the Beach

1.5 oz Vodka (I used Smirnoff Blueberry)
1 oz Peach Schnapps
Top with half Orange Juice and half Cranberry Juice
Garnish with a Mandarin Orange Slice

I like that the mocktail versions of this drink can be referred to as Safe Sex on the Beach, Dry Humping on the Beach, or Virgins on the Beach. Perhaps this is the only way to safely traverse through the world of sexual discovery… but you won’t have nearly as much fun!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I like the Peach Schnapps taste, despite not being a peach fruit fan. This was a very enjoyable martini that would be awesome poolside or, as the drink advises, on the beach! I regret not putting a cocktail umbrella into the drink as that would be a perfect finishing touch.

May 17 – PB&J Martini

Posted on May 17, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Peanut Butter Jelly Time

After yesterday’s debacle of a cocktail, I’m happy to follow it up with this treat. Like a professional athlete in need of a bounce back effort, here I am scoring the game winning goal, destroying the walk-off homerun, hitting the buzzer beater… you get my drift. While I’m a big fan of liquid lunches, I have to say that my heart flutters for sandwiches, as well. Here are some of the best ones:

Grilled Cheese

I’ve mentioned before that I’m not the biggest fan of cheese. That said, I’m bizarrely a fan of grilled cheese sandwiches, providing they’re made with a white cheese like mozzarella or swiss and not the processed American cheddar slices that are synonymous with the meal. With a side of potato chips and a dollop of ketchup to dip your sandwich into, I’m in kid-like heaven.

BLT & Club

When I was younger, I was a picky eater. A BLT, though, was a favourite of mine and a regular order at restaurants. As my tastes evolved, the club sandwich largely replaced the BLT for me and it doesn’t matter whether that extra meat is turkey, chicken, ham, or all three… they’re all going to the same wasteland known as my stomach! You have to remember, my little sippers, bacon is an essential item on nearly every sandwich, so don’t be stingy with it.

PB&J

The classic that I make better than most everyone else on the planet (if I don’t say so myself)! Now that I’ve also conquered the liquid form of this marrying of peanut butter and jelly, you might even say that I’ve become a god among men. There aren’t many tag teams out there that can compare with peanut butter and jelly. Ham and pineapple gave them a run for their money once, but it was an uphill battle.

Ice Cream

The first draft of this blog did not include the scrumptious ice cream sandwich. For that, I have repented my sins and after considering whether or not my best days were behind me and it was time to retire from the writing game, I have decided to carry on and work at redeeming myself. The best ice cream sandwich I’ve ever had is the Tollhouse Chocolate Chip Cookie one, which used to be infinitely better before meddlesome folks began their crusade against junk foods.

Beef Dip

Not a lot beats a nice soft roll, stuffed with thin slices of roast beef and a delicious hot au jus to dip the sandwich into. Flavouring a meat in its own drippings seems cannibalistic, but nobody’s on trial here, so go ahead and do your worst. Destroy that sandwich with the ferocity of a natural predator and don’t feel a moment of remorse. If you are not of the carnivoristic variety, then go on your merry way with your *chortle* salad.

Pulled Pork

I love barbecued meats, especially pulled pork. I could eat this stuff on the reg and never get sick of the deliciously shredded substance. If you throw a little creamy coleslaw down on that sammy, brother, your head will be spinning into orbit. You don’t trust the Sip Advisor? You know, I’m not a one dimensional cocktail jockey… I hate other skills to go along with my liquor awesomosity.

Now that is a beautiful sandwich!

Philly Cheesesteak

I had never really tried a cheesesteak sandwich until an American Cheesesteak restaurant opened up close to my home. I have to say, that I was completely blown away. My order of choice is The Cowboy, which includes shaved prime rib, crispy onion straws, barbecue sauce, bacon mayo and aged white cheddar (which by now, you know is disqualified from my order). It’s a delicious meal that I don’t indulge in often enough.

Meatball Sub

Make sure to have your pens and paper ready because I’m about to reveal to the world my typical Subway order, now famously referred to as ‘The Advisor’. I start with a 12-inch meatball sandwich on Italian herb and cheese bread (yeah, I oddly like cheese in my bread, but not on my sandwich). I elect to not have it toasted and then I add the following condiments: lettuce, tomato, pickles, black olives, green olives (if I’m at one of the rare Subway’s that carries this delicious addition) and topped with mayo. My order is rarely modified because consistency is an art form.

Drink #137: PB&J Martini

Rim glass with Peanut Butter and Jelly
1.5 oz Chambord
1.5 oz Frangelico
Top with Milk

I bet after reading this, every single one of you are hungry for a good sandwich! In writing this post, I realized that I’ve never really had a true Sloppy Joe before. I will have to give this a try and see if it cracks the list above. My money is on it making the list… anyone else care to enter a wager!?

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
A tasty drink made all the more better with a very fun rim job. You can also turn the ingredients into a shooter, if you remove the milk proportion. I’ve wanted to try this drink for some time and I was finally able to put it all together. It actually tastes like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, minus the bread and with a little more booze flavour than the lunch has. You won’t be disappointed if you try it yourself.

May 14 – Time for a Change?

Posted on May 14, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Politically Declined

To sum up quickly, I hate elections, politicians and basically everything having to do with the political process.

I feel that government doesn’t do very much, what it does accomplish takes way too long to get done, and when it finally gets done, then we go and repeal it anyway. I would never trust a politician further than I could throw them… unless it was hilariously off a cliff Wile E. Coyote style!

Elections are the worst time of the year. Our news is inundated with one group of politicians going on about stupid things other politicians have done such as riding transit without a ticket or running a red light while taking their son to an early morning hockey practice, all presumably in an attempt to sway voters who won’t bother to actually look up the various parties’ platforms. With a multitude of rainbow signs going up everywhere you look and TV commercials interrupting my programming, I just want to take a three-month nap and avoid the whole scenario. And don’t even get me started on the annoying phone calls and pamphlets.

Perhaps if elections were solved with cage fights, I might be a little more interested. Think about it, you could have a stacked card of death matches and charge people to come and see who “wins” the battle. And all the proceeds would go to fund the “elected” government’s initiatives and programs.

If you look through the history of the world, every important issue has been settled at WrestleMania, so why not continue down this path in the political forum?

Sadly, this is not to be, but it’s something for future generations to keep in mind. Maybe when the polar ice caps eventually melt and we go into a state of martial law, we can revisit my proposal.

I took a political science course once and I couldn’t stand it. Every class, when the teacher looked like he was wrapping things up and was going to let us free a little earlier, there would always be one jackass who would keep asking questions – queries of a political nature, but having nothing to do with our current lesson – until before you knew it, we had actually run over the class time and would now be fighting each other to exit, Battle Royal style, in order to get to the parking lot.

All that said, today I have to go stand in line to execute my “right” as a free democratic being who enjoys the benefits of not living in a dictatorship, I guess.

Although, this guy looks like he knows how to party!

Mrs. Sip insists that I vote, even threatening to withhold potato chips and cookies from me. What she doesn’t know is that as soon as I enter the private voting booth, I promptly check off the candidate she dislikes the most, file my ballot, and call it a day!

Drink #134: Time for a Change?

Rim glass with Sugar
1.5 oz Black Cherry Bourbon
0.5 oz Cointreau
Splash of Lemon Juice
Splash of Wildberry Juice
Dash of Orange Bitters

Is it really time for a change? I say, who cares. It’s usually not too long before we hate the dude or dudette we all elected. People say if you don’t vote, you have no right to complain about what happens. And really, that’s the only reason the Sip Advisor goes to the polls every year!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
This is quite the cocktail to undertake. Sadly, I had to leave the lavender portion of the recipe out, but it wasn’t missed too much. I really enjoy any drink that contains Black Cherry Bourbon and this was no exception. I found it really hard to pick an election-themed cocktail, as most were American-related and well, that’s not where I live. I still love the drink name Obama Slammer, though.

Sip Advisor

The Good, The Bad & The Bubbly

Category Archives: Martini Recipes