A little quote from The Eagles hit “Hotel California” to get us diving head first into the wine week’s themed playlist. I never knew there were so many songs about chardonnays, merlots and pinot grigios. I should have known better!
Red, Red Wine – UB40
Goes to my head… by far, the best wine song in existence. The lyrics read like a true story, as we’ve all experienced the red wine buzz that makes the brain feel like it’s floating and only remains encased in our head by the strong structure of the skull. What a wonderful sensation indeed!
Spill the Wine – War
This song is pretty sweet and anytime the flute comes out, you know you’re in for a hell of an aural experience… I said aural, not the other one! The song has also been performed by The Isley Brothers, but I prefer the War version. It’s just a little more psychedelic, in my opinion.
Wine Take Me Away – Merle Haggard
Ol’ Merle takes us down a country road and into wine country. This dude sang a bunch of songs about the grapes, but this has to be one of his better tunes. Like many people, Merle considers wine a friend of his and I can’t really blame him.
Strawberry Wine – Deana Carter
In the interest of full disclosure, I have to admit that I muted this song shortly after it started and just watched the beautiful Miss Carter. Hey, I don’t get paid for this, so I have to enjoy the perks when they come my way! The song isn’t that bad, though, hitting number one on the country billboard charts in 1996. You have to love the title of her debut CD, “Did I Shave My Legs for This”!
Hey, Brother, Pour the Wine – Dean Martin
This Deano song is a pretty good tune. No surprise there, the Rat Pack members are total legends in the singing, entertaining and drinking communities. Marge Simpson also sings the song in one of the earliest episodes of the show after getting drunk at Homer’s company picnic.
The one thing I don’t like about wine songs is that so many of them are slow and sad. I’m more of an upbeat and fast pace music fan, not wanting to get too moody or anything like that. Enjoy this selection of wine melodies the next time you crack a bottle or box open!
Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5): This is like a Wine-based margarita and it’s a fun cocktail. The Red Wine cooperates very well with the Tequila and Triple Sec (among other ingredients) to make a solid drink. Mrs. Sip has asked for it again since. As for me, put a salt rim on most things and I’m a pretty happy fella.
Movie history is littered with films that, for one reason or another, governments have banned its constituents from viewing or possessing. I’m a staunch supporter of anti-censorship. In my opinion, the discretion falls on the person themselves to decide what they do or don’t want to see, or, in the case of children, it is the responsibility of their parents to make these choices. That said, here are some notable movies that have been deemed forbidden:
Lolita
The name of today’s cocktail comes from the classic novel by Vladimir Nabokov (those crazy Russkies) that was later adapted into two movies. The story centers on an older man’s lust for a young girl, which brings about obvious concerns over subject matter. Lolita is one of the most controversial works of all time, but it’s also one of the most highly regarded, most likely due to the poetic language of its writing. I just hope the drink is decent!
Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Leatherface is one badass dude, hacking his way through any unfortunate victim(s) who stumble upon his messed up backwoods family. One of the creepiest parts of this film is right at the start when the viewer is informed that what you’re about to see is based on a true story. Of course, it isn’t, but that thought sticks with you throughout. I don’t understand why this film was banned while other similar entries in the genre flew under the radar. Perhaps, it was just ahead of its time.
Monty Python Films
The movies, Life of Brian and Meaning of Life, from the comedy troupe were banned in a few countries, such as Ireland, because they were considered blasphemous. Of course, the clever team used the bans to their advantage, creating ads that said “So funny it was banned in Norway!”.
Barney’s Great Adventure
Personally I wonder why the entire world couldn’t ban the giant purple dino! Good on Malaysia for realizing that a figment of children’s imagination that tells kids to love and hug each other is sending bad messages to youth. The government found that the film was unacceptable for children and never provided any further details… and why should they?
Cannibal Holocaust
Where to begin with this film? Most countries banned it due to violence committed on animals, but there were also rumours that actors had legitimately died in the filming and the movie was therefore of the “snuff” variety. While the human deaths were disproven, the animal cruelty was in fact real, which is not cool. The Colombian natives were also treated poorly by director Ruggero Deodato. Credit does have to be given to the makers of this movie for being one of the first “found footage” stories, however.
Last Tango in Paris
Seriously!? A country like Italy banned a movie for strong sexual content??? Didn’t they invent the language of love and all that other junk? Sure there’s a scene that involves the use of butter as lubrication, but come on, who hasn’t reached for the dairy in a pinch?! Italy, I am so disappointed in you.
A Clockwork Orange
Let’s see, why would this movie ever be banned? Could it be the gratuitous violence perpetrated by Alex and company? Could it be the home invasion, crippling and rape of an innocent couple? Not bad enough for you yet? What about the murder of another woman with a giant penis statue? Yeah, that one did it for me, too. Regardless, this cult favourite is actually a intriguing watch. This is yet another adapted screenplay from a novel and perhaps we should just ban all books, so movies don’t have to suffer.
2012
Well, this has got to be one of the craziest bans of a movie I’ve ever seen. Apparently, in North Korea, it was made illegal to show the fictional Apocalypse tale because 2012 marks the 100th birthday of former leader, Kim Il Sung, and North Korean’s had dubbed the year “the year for opening the grand gates to becoming a rising superpower”. Thus, according to the country, a film that says the year 2012 will bring about the “end of days” was too negative a message. Citizens caught with a pirated copy of the film or even viewing the movie are arrested and charged with “grave provocation against the development of the state”.
Saw VI
Saw VI was banned for scenes of gory violence and torture… yeah, because it differs so drastically from movies I through V! I like the Saw series of movies, particularly the first two entries. While I can see why some would hesitate to watch this franchise (and the many that have followed in a similar fashion since), that is their decision to make and not the government’s.
Goldfinger
The James Bond film was banned in Israel after a short run when it was revealed that Gert Fröbe, who played villain Auric Goldfinger, was once a member of Germany’s Nazi Party. The ban was lifted a few months later when a man came forward saying that he and his mother had been hidden and saved from the Nazi Gestapo by Fröbe. This was the planned sequel to Schindler’s List.
Hostel Movies
These horror flicks were banned for depicting the people of Eastern European countries as buyers of human slaves… which is incredibly accurate, but something the Ukrainian government took great offense to. It’s like if Canada took offense to a movie about hockey goons, who love their poutine.
Of all these banned movies, I’ve only seen a handful of them. I’m intrigued to check out the one’s I have yet to view, with Barney’s Great Adventure topping my list. Perhaps I’ll even review it for all my little sippers!
Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5): The simple recipe largely recreates a Sangria taste and that is totally welcome in my little world! I particularly like how this drink is garnished, especially when you think of the Lolita story.
If you combine The Beatles “Yellow Submarine” and “Strawberry Fields Forever”, you would get a Yellow Strawberry, the name of today’s cocktail. Call that a mash-up, if you will. Here are some other very interesting mash-ups using The Beatles extensive library:
Whole Lotta Helter Skelter – Led Zeppelin vs. The Beatles
I had to include a song that mashed my two favourite bands and this is a pretty good mix. The guitar work on Zeppelin’s Whole Lotta Love is some of the best you’ll ever hear and it nicely compliments The Beatles Helter Skelter.
The Beatles vs. MGMT
It’s always interesting to see how The Beatles classic rock songs mix with contemporary artists and different genres of music. The psychedelic rock band MGMT provides a nice background for The Beatles nostalgic “In My Life”.
Beatles Mashup Medley
While it’s kind of a clusterfuck of a song, it’s also neat how they put all the different combos together and if you watch the bottom right hand corner, they always update you as to what exactly is being mixed.
Fat Bottomed Girls Come Together – Queen vs. The Beatles
Another pairing of two classic rock legendary bands. I found that these two songs went pretty seamlessly together. Who doesn’t want Fat Bottomed Girls to Come Together!?
Beatles vs. LCD Soundsystem vs. The Kinks
It’s a feat in and of itself to combine the works of two musicians into one song, but this track throws in an extra tune just for added difficulty points. I like the energy that’s maintained throughout this mash-up.
Beatles vs. Pink Floyd
One more for the road! I was surprised at how well these two songs mixed together, but I guess that’s the whole point of mashing songs together. Always remember: If you don’t eat your meat, you can’t have any pudding!
Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5): While it looked cool, it disappointed the palate. Perhaps it was the way I made the cocktail with Muddled Strawberries, but something was off. The Crème de Banane was heavily noticeable, which is usually a good thing. I’m still trying to solve this mystery.
There are some great vodka ads out there. Whether in print, video, or hell, even the dead art of radio, the liquor is well represented and here are some of the best examples I was able to find (in photos only):
Mrs. Sip and I both really enjoy this Van Gogh Vodka ad campaign. My particular favourite is the one about women not getting their panties in a bunch because they’re rocking it commando style! The company makes a very valid point with this ad and I believe that all us gentlemen should support such a cause. Perhaps we should even host charity functions to get the message out.
And some of us have too many vices to list! One of them is in the above ad… good lord I love typography! While I haven’t heard of this vodka brand before, this message will remain with me until it’s pushed out of my mind by other useless junk and I will keep my eyes open for it until then. If it comes with one of those blindfold thingies, it may make the perfect night out combo!
Yeah, I would definitely have a drink with me. I would also certainly have a drink with Hugh Hefner. You could ask him to divulge the secret of how he’s been so awesome for so long. I mean, the guy was dating three young, hot women at the same time. I can barely handle one lady and this octogenarian was keeping up with three girls that could have been his great granddaughters.
It’s a little hard to read, but the text next to the woman says “Nothing warms me up like Effen by the fire.” I’ve seen some losers post complaints about the name of this vodka. I personally think it’s clever. It will definitely stick with you as you try to choose one brand from the many that are available. Plus it provides an almost unending number of advertising possibilities, like the ones seen above.
These ladies and I practiced ‘O’ faces all night long until we finally had it right. Three Olives has so many crazy flavours and they have ads similar to the ones above for each concoction. There’s even one that features a dude… hey, I’m all for equal opportunity. But who really wants to see a guy’s ‘O’ face? Let’s face it, we don’t pull it off as well as the ladies. Why do you think we’re usually the ones behind the camera!
I really enjoyed this look at vodka advertisements and I hope all you little sippers did, too. In the future, I hope to design my own vodka and with it, a series of commercials that feature inanimate objects being attracted to the libation. Just wait until I release the storyboards… it’s going to be a doozy!
Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5): The pear is certainly not near the top of my favourite fruit list, but I was intrigued by Pear Vodka and this drink was decent. However, there are a lot of different flavours competing for your attention, drowning each other out, which isn’t how I like my drinks.
In reality, we are all “aliens” to someone else. However, the following characters are completely out of this world. If life really exists “out there”, I only hope that these beings are similar to the entries that I’ve compiled below. That would make for some very interesting extra-terrestrial visitors and hopefully a few folks to share some drinks with!
Mork – Mork & Mindy
Only the high-intensity comedic stylings of Robin Williams could make this character really work. It probably helped that he was pretty coked up during this portion of his life. I mean, standing on your head when asked to take a seat (which is how Williams landed the gig on the spot)… how crazy is that! You also have to remember Mork for the catchphrases he created, including the greeting “Na-Nu, Na-Nu” and the curse word “Shazbot”.
Roger Smith – American Dad
One of my favourite characters of all time! Roger is a booze consuming, costume wearing, mayhem causing, intergalactic traveler. Did I mention that he drinks a lot? He puts us all to shame with the copious amounts of liquor he can throw back. I guess aliens just know how to party better than we do and maybe we should be learning from them, rather than the other way around.
Dr. Zoidberg – Futurama
There are so many characters I could choose from the futuristic series (Kif, Nibbler, etc.), but I’ll settle for poor Dr. Zoidberg. Sadly, nobody really gets the big fellow and it’s a recurring joke about how disliked the good doctor is. Zoidberg is really a gentle soul… at least until he returns to his home planet, where he becomes embroiled in the mating battle of his species and nearly kills colleague Philip J. Fry in the frenzied process.
Alf – Alf
You little sippers out there know that the Sip Advisor loves his puppets and Alf places very respectively on my list of favourites. His verbal sparring with Willie Tanner, the man of the house, was always fun to watch. I’m not one for violence against animals, but it would have been interesting if Alf ever got his hands on the Tanner’s cat, Lucky. Hey, hold on a second. The Full House family was also named Tanner. I wonder if they were related!?
Marvin the Martian – Looney Tunes
While I never really thought much of Marvin when he was placed in the role of protagonist, it was always fun to see him get blown up and maimed in other manners at the hands of Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck. You still have to give credit to Marvin for being one of the first alien characters ever, debuting in 1948.
The Solomons – 3rd Rock From the Sun
This show was vastly underappreciated during its time, but it had a really talented cast and good writing. The show involved a team of four aliens who were sent to earth to observe humans and report back to their leader, The Big Giant Head. You had Dick, the captain of the mission; Harry, the communications officer; Sally, the security and weapons expert; and young Tommy, the wise, old (despite his teenager appearance) information guru. As they adapted to the foreign world around them, hilarity ensued showing just how funny interspecies interaction can be.
Kang & Kodos – The Simpsons
Making regular guest appearances for The Simpsons Treehouse of Horrors Halloween specials, Kang and Kodos have done everything from abduct the Simpson family to win the American presidential election and overthrow earth. I think you’d have to be an alien to want to be a politician. All that smiling and ass kissing you have to do certainly couldn’t be tolerated by most normal people of the human species. Perhaps they’re just ingesting…
Drink #138: Alien Piss
Rim glass with Alien Piss (just kidding, it’s Caramel Syrup)
I always find it amazing that so many shows with aliens involve them wanting to learn about our culture and behavior. Really! Do aliens really need to know about selfies, monster truck rallies, and beer pong?… well, maybe that last one would come in handy.
Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
This is a fun little shot with lots of ingredients. Going in, I had no clue what it would taste like and all I can describe it as afterwards is delicious. It’s a very light shooter, but all the ingredients are nice, so you make peace with it not getting you blitzed. If you wanted it to be more boozy, you could switch to Sour Apple Puss or Pucker and use some sort of Citrus Rum or Vodka, as well.
Mary Jane isn’t my relaxant of choice – hell, she’s not even my favoruite Spider-Man girlfriend – but I don’t frown upon those who love their weed. And since it’s 4/20, a holy day for reefer connoisseurs, I thought we should take a look at the most prolific stoners as boozers and smokers unite to enjoy this shot:
Cheech & Chong – Numerous movies and albums
These two famous overachieving potheads took their stand-up comedy routine and turned it into numerous movies and albums, working together off and on for over 30 years. They are responsible for a number of famous catchphrases, most notably “Dave’s not here, man.” Not only do these two play fictional stoners, but one of them also plays the role in real life. Tommy Chong was sent to prison in October 2003 for selling bongs and other paraphernalia over the internet. This incarceration occurred while he was a cast member of That 70’s Show, playing, you guessed it: a hippie burnout named Leo Chingwake.
Dale Denton & Saul Silver – Pineapple Express
First off, let me say that the pants James Franco wears for the duration of this film are, quite possibly, the greatest wardrobe choice in the history of film. If someone were to ever bequeath these to me, I would honour them with their own special holiday. Dale (Seth Rogen) and Saul (Franco) get stuck in a hilarious set of circumstances thanks to their enjoyment of Pineapple Express, an extremely potent brand of marijuana. Their dealer, Red, (Danny McBride) also joins in on the fun and the three have to triumph over a oppressive drug kingpin.
Jeff Spicoli – Fast Times at Ridgemont High
It’s so hard to believe that this character was played by Sean Penn, given all the serious roles Penn has since gone on to play. Spicoli, a laid back, pot smoking, surfer dude, became so popular that he’s featured on the cover of the movie, despite being a tertiary character. One of the subplots of the movie is teacher Mr. Hand trying to get the best he can out of Spicoli. When Mr. Hand thinks he’s achieved results, he releases Spicoli but eventually comes to the conclusion that everyone at the school is “on dope”. Spicoli meanwhile goes on to save a drowning Brooke Shields, but wastes the reward money hiring Van Halen to perform at his birthday party… sounds about right.
The Gang – That 70’s Show
One of the most enjoyable running gags on That 70’s Show was ‘The Circle’, where any number of the group’s members – Eric, Hyde, Kelso, Fez, Donna, Jackie and any number of their friends – would wax philosophically after enjoying some marijuana, as the camera rotated around the table. Some of the shows funniest lines came out of these scenes. One memorable segment included the kids’ parents sitting in the circle, high from “special” brownies and mimicking their children’s actions.
Harold & Kumar – Go to White Castle, Escape from Guantanamo Bay and A Very 3D Christmas
While not the biggest stoners per se, these two gentlemen enjoy their weed. Their zany adventures to White Castle, from Guantanamo Bay and attempting to save Christmas were often fuelled by the drug in some way. A highlight of all the movies is the performance of Neil Patrick Harris (playing himself), which practically revived his career. In the films, NPH is an even bigger drug user than Rolly and Kumar, who can definitely hold their own.
Norville “Shaggy” Rogers – Scooby-Doo
Although the show never quite comes out and says it, let’s look at the evidence: 1) Shaggy’s constantly searching for munchies 2) his attention span is minimal at best 3) his nerves are always shot and he appears strung out 4) he has conversations and hangs out with a dog… conclusion: Shaggy is your typical pothead. Still, Shaggy is one of the most beloved characters in the history of media, especially when paired with his pal Scooby. The two have teamed together for countless adventures, highlighted by my personal favourite, Scooby-Doo Meets the Boo Brothers.
Thurgood Jenkins et al – Half Baked
While Dave Chappelle himself was disappointed with how the movie turned out – he wrote the script and starred, but said the movie was dumbed down from being adult-oriented to more of a kids movie – there are still a number of funny moments in this film. Some favourites are when Thurgood describes the different types of pot users, particularly the Scavenger Smoker (Snoop Dogg), who comes into the scene at the first sniff of marijuana and proceeds to smoke the guy’s entire joint before moving on. The scene where Scarface quits his job at the fast food restaurant is also a highlight.
Jay & Silent Bob – Almost every movie by Kevin Smith
It’s hard not to notice that stoners in films often come in pairs or trios (whereas alcoholics are always portrayed as miserable loners, hmmm…). Jay and Silent Bob seem to always pop up in Kevin Smith’s View Askewniverse, and why not? Silent Bob is played by Smith. The duo’s notorious appearances in movies they weren’t the star in led to their own title adventure where they’re on a mission to shut down a movie based on their personas. The pair offer a great lesson too: if you have one loud mouth who never shuts up, then his buddy better be silent to help restore the balance.
As we down this shooter, I wish all my pothead brethren a very happy 4/20… enjoy your day!
Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5): This shot was sweet, but not overly so. It goes down nice and easy, but isn’t very exciting. Despite all the ingredients it’s relatively effortless to make. It’s not like you have to do layering or anything. Give it a shot (literally!) and see what you think.
I’ve never been to jail… but I’m willing to bet that it would be fun. If TV and movies have taught me anything (they haven’t), it’s that I’d be able to keep quite active by joining football, basketball, and baseball teams to compete against the guards. When you factor in running from scary inmates – a form of dodge ball – and all the weight lifting I could do, I’m pretty sure that I would be in the best shape of my life! There’s also the lifelong (til death penalty do us part) friendships I would make. So based on my vast television watching experience and the one time I had a run in with “the fuzz”, which almost resulted in a speeding ticket, here are my tips for surviving the slammer:
1) Getting acquainted with your bunk mate
You’re new to the place and really have no right to claim top bunk. If the dude you’re stuck with has already claimed that spot, guess what… you’re bottoms, boieeeee! Better get comfortable, brotha, you might be there a while.
2) Picking a gang
While you could try to fly solo in the clink, it’s probably best that you align yourself with similar-minded people. If the Mighty Ducks movies have taught us anything, it’s prudent of you to go into a flying-V formation, while shouting “quack, quack, quack”. Not only will that show other gangs that you are a united front, but also that your clique has some serious mental instability and is not to be messed with.
3) Making a shiv/shank
No matter how protected you might be thanks to the crew that has adopted you, having a readymade weapon in case of any brouhaha would be quite beneficial. My suggestion is to try and fashion some sort of makeshift gun. Your fellow prisoners will never know what hit them!
4) Earning a reputation
You don’t have to be the tough guy in your cell block, but if you bring something unique to the table, you might be able to slip under the radar for your extended stay. Morgan Freeman (The Shawshank Redemption) was known as the guy who could procure things… Clint Eastwood (Escape from Alcatraz) had only one passion: to escape from prison… Burt Reynolds (The Longest Yard) liked playing football… and Sean Penn (Dead Man Walking) had a thing for lethal injections.
5) Getting drunk
You will miss things you once knew and loved in the outside world. But just because you’re locked up doesn’t mean you can’t have some of those things, even if it is at a lower-graded experience. I have a wonderful recipe for toilet wine. If you’d like the details, please send your credit information to me. See, this is how I got into trouble in the first place.
6) Finding God
I heard that this often happens in jails, which could be good if, like me, you haven’t managed (or gotten around to) finding him, her, or it “on the outside”. And who knows, you may even manage to turn your whole spiritual discovery into a profit, just like George Bluth did with his infomercial promoting his video series “Caged Wisdom”.
If all else fails, the consumption of toilet wine often leads to self-discovery of prayer to the porcelain god as you return your elixir to where it once came from…
Now let’s enjoy something much better than toilet wine!
Garnish with an Orange Slice and a Maraschino Cherry
Really, if I was sent to prison, I’d probably just do a ton of napping. I’d probably be known as the ‘cat guy’… that is until someone tried to chase my tail and got scratched for doing so!
Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
It had been a couple years since my last Alabama Slammer and I was quickly reminded of how enjoyable this drink is. I’ve seen other versions of this recipe, but this is the one I was able to pull off with the ingredients I had. Sloe Gin would have been a nice touch, but it just can’t be found in Canada.
We’re supposed to honour and respect our elders, but the funniest ones are incoherent, maniacal, and out of touch with today’s world. That’s just the way we like them, though. From animation, to live action, to even puppets, here are the best angry octogenarians:
Grandpa Simpson – The Simpsons
Grandpa “Abe” Simpson is senile and irritable, but always lovable. In flashbacks, we learn that Abe was never really in touch with the world around him. In his senior years and angry that his family never wants to visit him, he has been known to write ranting letters to any business with an address and even yell at a cloud. I can’t really blame him though as I hate clouds with a passion, too.
Statler & Waldorf – The Muppet Show
These two curmudgeons spend all their time attending shows they intend to pan. When they attack, they rip into their prey with such veteran venom that it’s a modern science miracle that said victim can walk away after the lashing he or she has received. An antidote has yet to be formulated, but using the DNA of one Fozzy Bear, we hope to have a vaccine ready for distribution by 2015.
Frank Costanza/Arthur Spooner – Seinfeld/King of Queens
Jerry Stiller has proven over the years that his old man act is pure comedy gold. From the cantankerous Frank Costanza, to the petulant ever-scheming Arthur Spooner, Stiller has thrived as an old age performer. Perhaps his greatest moments came in the episode of Seinfeld “The Strike”, where Frank Costanza brings back the holiday of Festivus; including the feats of strength, airing of grievances, and let’s not forget those Festivus miracles!
Mayor Adam West – Family Guy
Mayor West is the perfect candidate to lead Quahog. He erected a statue of cereal mascot Dig Em’, sent the town’s police force across the world to search for a fictional character, and legalized then quickly illegalized marijuana, as his many works in office. Sounds like your typical politician to me.
Pierce Hawthorne & Leonard Briggs – Community
Pierce Hawthorne is a sexist, racist, homophobic psychopath – all the ingredients for a wonderful character! He spends most of his time disrupting the activities of his study group, who often want him gone from the gang. Leonard Briggs is a reoccurring character on the show, who heads up a crew of other oldies-but-baddies called The Hipsters (because each member has had hip replacement surgery). Briggs also ran for student body president, changing his last name to Rodriguez to capitalize on the Latino voters.
Ken Titus – Titus
Ken Titus is as nasty as they come, with his penchant for alcohol, tobacco, women, gambling and mean-spirited fun. He’s the furthest from having a heart of gold – in fact he’s had numerous heart attacks and other health issues, thus making his core as black as his soul – but that doesn’t make him any less funny. In reality, Papa Titus was just trying to raise his kids right and hoping they didn’t turn out to be ‘wussies’, as he often called them when they weren’t living up to his expectations.
Professor Farnsworth – Futurama
Professor Hubert J. Farnsworth is as dementia-ridden as they come. The owner and operator of Planet Express, he sends his crew off on missions that are doomed to fail, while inventing the most insane and useless items known to future-kind. And you can’t really blame him for losing all his marbles. At the age of 29, I feel like I’m slowly starting to lose mine and Farnsworth is somewhere between 150 and 170 years old.
John Gustafson & Max Goldman – Grumpy/Grumpier Old Men
Jack Lemmon and Walter Mathau have appeared in numerous movies together, but nothing compares to their two entries as Grumpy Old Men. As they compete with one another and often prank each other, the laughs pile up. Along with Burgess Meredith (playing Grandpa Gustafson), the amount of old man comedy in these flicks is high and hilarious. The gag reel for these movies, shown at the end of the films are hysterical, particularly when Meredith tries a number of different lines to relay various sexual euphemisms.
Mr. Burns – The Simpsons
Monty Burns has done nearly every horrible act listed in the How to be Dastardly Handbook. He’s so evil, he even tried to block out the sun so the town would have to rely solely on his nuclear power. Nearly every person in Springfield has had a run-in with Mr. Burns, whose love of power and money come before any other feelings he may have. I still think there’s a softy buried underneath all that audacity though.
The original recipe calls for plain Bourbon, but I used Black Cherry and must admit the result was quite fantastic (if I don’t say so myself). We must learn from those who have come before us. Unfortunately, these folks aren’t the best example of people you’d want to take notes on. Meh, we drink in their honour, anyway!
Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4.5 Sips out of 5):
A great drink that I wasn’t able to completely enjoy as I battled a bad flu. I ask the rhetorical question: Is there anything Black Cherry Bourbon can’t do? The combo of Ginger Ale and Sour Mix may quickly become a favourite of mine.
As I sipped this delicious cocktail, thoughts, ideas, and ponderings begin to pop into my head. It was as if this jungle juice was making my brain go into overdrive. Here’s what I was able to come up with, as I downed some Pond Water (which consequently doesn’t appear to be the colour of any pond water I’ve ever seen):
1) While in California a few weeks back, I overheard a Disneyland cast member say that while an entire area, dubbed Fantasy Faire, has been built to house all the Disney princesses, Tiana (from The Princess and the Frog) will remain in New Orleans Square… thus proving that segregation still exists in Disneyland?
Oh, so Beast is allowed to hang out with the princesses, but Tiana has to stay on the other side of the park!
2) Liquor stores should have wedding registries (just found out one of my favourite booze palaces actually offers this). This would have saved Mrs. Sip and myself a lot of time and aggravation. Can you imagine the fun your faithful Sip Advisor would have had going through the local liquor distributor and selecting items for guests to pick up? Hell, any item picked from there would be greeted with much happiness.
3) Why do jackasses at sports event try to be seen on TV? I don’t care that you’re there, and you probably won’t either once the $10 beer buzz wears off. Now sit your ass down and watch the game you paid hundreds of dollars to be at.
4) How can McDonalds call their burger Cheeseburger Deluxe when it doesn’t come with pickles? Seriously!?
5) Staying with Mickie D’s, it was very disappointing to finally order the 40-piece McNugget Meal and not get one box full of 40 nuggets (instead receiving four 10 McNugget boxes). At least they gave me ample sauces.
These tubs absolutely rule, but fellas, you’re looking a little light on the sauces!
6) A friend recently wrote that putting out her recycling lets her neighbours know that she’s a functional alcoholic. Here’s my own experience in that realm: I was shopping at my local liquor emporium, pushing a buggy (hey, I’m a serious consumer) between the aisles and picking up a number of items. When I reached the checkout, the kind cashier asked, “Having a party?” “Nope,” I bluntly replied.
A couple days later I was taking a massive load of recycling to the bins in my building when I ran into a neighbor in the elevator. After scanning the contents of my recycle box, he asked, “You have a party?” “Nope,” I once again replied. Moral of the story: What is with these nosey people!?
7) I have some issues with the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air opening theme… why does Will have to take a cab to the Banks’ residence? Couldn’t they have sent a driver? It’s not like he was an uninvited guest who travelled from the other side of the country in hopes of crashing with them.
Sadly (or awesomely), this is the kind of stuff that keeps me up at night.
Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I don’t remember pond water ever being bright orange, but who cares when it gives you the chance to enjoy Orange Soda. A particular highlight of this martini was the Orange Fun Dip rim I gave it, which made every sip a complete pleasure.
It’s amazing with all the trash that airs on TV nowadays that some spectacular shows were never given a fair run and cancelled before they had a chance to gain an audience. Tonight, one of Mr. and Mrs. Sip’s favourite shows returns, as Community comes back to the airwaves with an abbreviated, delayed and, in all likelihood, fourth and final season. It’s really too bad Community was never given a fair shake, as it has a loyal following, but just can’t seem to gain ground in the mainstream. Here are some other shows that were treated poorly and unjustifiably lynched.
Running for only 24 amazing episodes, this drama was critically acclaimed, but the audience just didn’t pick it up. The series featured stories told through the point-of-view of the various characters (beat cops, detectives, paramedic, reporter, district attorney, etc.) and that’s where they went wrong. The viewing audience just couldn’t handle having to put together a story by themselves (why do you think jigsaw puzzles have seen a drastic drop in sales in recent times? Okay I don’t know that for a fact, but I assume so since we’re all become brain dead from watching too much Real Houswives of Minnesota or some such crap). Instead audiences rather be spoon-fed their CSI Miami, CSI Las Vegas, and CSI Neptune formula crime dramas. (Note: it’s too bad CSI doesn’t take place on Neptune, at least it would explain why they are always looking for clues in the dark)
Its original run lasted only three seasons, with a rushed 13-episode final season, in order to wrap up as many storylines as the writers possibly could. Nearly seven years later, the series is returning to the screen with a run of 14 shows, to be followed by a feature-length movie. Arrested Development is the kind of show when each time you watch it, you notice new things and you have to really pay attention to catch all the jokes… that’s exactly why it didn’t work for most audience members who would rather watch a bunch of losers with no personality or apparently dating skills, chase an attractive, but equally uninteresting woman on reality shows like The Bachelorette. Mr. Sip was once a contestant, by the way… I’m still a little bitter after being kicked off on the first episode of my season!
I am not a big Sci-Fi fan, but even I have to admit that this show was wonderful and deserved much more than the 14 episodes it was originally allowed to air. The Fox network bungled this one pretty bad, placing the show on Friday nights and advertising it as a comedy. Sure, there’s a lot of humour in the show, but drama and action were also integral parts of the series. Fan demand (or in this case nerd demand… respect them, when they make rare appearances in public, they come out in large numbers… just look at any Comic-Con event!) was so high for the show – with many people discovering it long after it had been cancelled – that a feature film was made, 2005’s Serenity.
For those that have never watched this show, I urge you to search it out and enjoy every moment of it. Starring brilliant stand-up comedian Christopher Titus, the show takes a sharp look at the dysfunctional family, which as Titus proudly states has now become the majority in North America. What is so special about white picket fences, anyway? Titus was one of many gems Fox dropped in favour of its rotating door of failures. (See Arrested Development and Firefly above, as well as Family Guy, Married with Children, etc.) I guess they also need space in their schedule for more American Idol audition broadcasts.
The fact that what would turn out to be the conclusion of this series was so anti-climactic still bothers me to this day. Of course, the producers didn’t know they wouldn’t be renewed for a fourth season and thought they had time to finish the story. I hate it when networks don’t let a show close out its storylines. They might as well be flipping all of their viewers over for a probing. I get it, production costs on a period piece are astronomical, but shouldn’t you know that when you get into that business? I kind of wish Al Swearengen had the chance to let loose on one of his obscenity-laced tirades against the HBO team that killed this fine show. Awesomely, the F-word was used nearly 3,000 times during the shows run of 36 episodes.
Drink #38: Lynchburg Lemonade
1 oz Whiskey
1 oz Triple Sec (I used Cointreau)
1 oz Sweet & Sour Mix
Top with lemon-lime soda
Garnish with lemon wedge
I implore all my little sippers to enjoy the 13-episode offering of Community we will get this season. If you’ve never seen the show before, do whatever you can to get caught up. Illegally download it, steal the DVD’s from your local entertainment store… hell, hack into the NBC network if you have to …I mean er, go buy the DVD boxset as The Sip Advisor does not endorse or promote the illegal downloading or pirating of copyright material (PS: Do video stores even exist anymore?). Trust me though, (and I know you do), watch Community, it’s worth it!
Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
A great drink. I like sour and fizzy and this cocktail had that in spades. I don’t know if anyone playing at home noticed, but that’s a McDonald’s straw garnishing the drink with its yellow stripe. Thanks, Ronald!
Sip Advisor 