January 18 – Crouching Tiger

Posted on January 18, 2014 by Daniel Wilson

Counter Culture

I fell asleep during the movie Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, despite the fact I thought I’d enjoy the fantastical martial arts film with a name that sounds like a wicked sex position. This is far from the first popular film (at least according to most of the world) that I have walked away from disliking. Here are the top five movies I refuse to watch, despite their large fan base:

#5: The Hunger Games

Okay, so I only saw the first entry of this series, but it will be hard for Mrs. Sip to get me to return for more. Sorry to drop a spoiler for those who haven’t seen the film, but I absolutely hated how they built up this entire competition for what seemed like forever, only to kill off half the competitors immediately. Then, the fact producers wanted the film to be PG-13 eliminated any chance of serious themes from the book being examined. And so, we slowly wound our way to the inevitable and predictable finish. The Japanese flick Battle Royal is a far better offering in the realm of kids being challenged to kill one another in the name of survival.

#4: Moulin Rouge

Good lord, Mrs. Sip loves her musicals. The Sip Advisor, however, despises any media that is largely based around singing. Tragically, I’ve been dragged to a number of films or forced to watch movies where even the simplest dialogue is crooned. I’m not talking about Disney or other animated offerings, but live action movies where song and dance drives the entire production. Back to Moulin Rouge, I’ve actually been outside of the cabaret club in Paris, France and even without entering, cold chills were running through my system and I suffered flu-like symptoms just being in its presence.

#3: Lord of the Rings/The Hobbit

Middle Earth is simply a place I don’t want to visit… and I definitely don’t want to get stuck there for six movies and 525 hours (running time is purely an estimate of Peter Jackson’s need to have super extended versions of his films). For most of the Lord of the Rings trilogy, Mrs. Sip and I watched the DVD’s and I made sure a clause was put in our contract that we’d halt the movie half way through to take a break playing pool or throwing darts or something else to get me through the second half of the film. The tactic was not very successful with regards to my overall enjoyment.

#2: The Matrix

I just don’t understand these films and the truth of the matter is, I don’t really want to. When I saw the first installment many moons ago, all I could think about was how hungry I was. Thankfully, my McDonald’s feast afterwards wasn’t as disappointing as my cinema choice. Sadly, Mrs. Sip loved that first movie, so when the sequels arrived and we were now dating, I was dragged to midnight openings like I was some nerd who enjoys standing in lines for his entertainment. I only do that at Disneyland, thank you very much!

#1: Star Wars

Mrs. Sip was absolutely shocked when we started dating and I told her I had never seen the original Star Wars trilogy. She had grown up on the films and in short order, made me watch all three of the original releases. I’ve never really been a huge fan of science fiction. I think some of the concepts are neat, but in general, the whole space setting isn’t my cup of tea and too much fantasy and made up stuff irritates me. I must say, this was one of the few new experiences we shared that summer that I didn’t enjoy!

Super Saturday Shot Day: Crouching Tiger

0.5 oz Tequila (I used Hornitos)
0.5 oz Lychee Vodka/Liqueur
Splash of Lychee Juice
Garnish with Lemon Wedge

Looking back at my list, not only are most of my selections popular movies, they’re god damn franchises, meaning I’m usually forced to sit through multiple movies I’d rather not see. Movies like Twilight and Titanic should have made the list, but I’ve actually been able to avoid watching any of these, so I’ll just leave them off and pretend they don’t exist!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
This shot was pretty strong, thanks to the Tequila and my choice to go with Lychee Vodka rather than Lychee Liqueur. I added the splash of Lychee Juice to try and lighten the recipe and that helped in getting the flavour across. A decent shooter, but nothing to go out of your way for.

Canada – Unsuspecting Victim

Posted on January 9, 2014 by Daniel Wilson

Legend of Poutine

As we continue our trek across Canada’s often frozen tundra, we discover another of the country’s greatest products: poutine. For those who are unfamiliar with the term, it basically means fries with gravy and cheese curds, but it can also be so much more. Let’s take a look at Canada’s cultural cuisine.

As with most things that earn a cult status and become famous, there are many that claim to have created the dish. A number of French Canadian cities also assert that they are the home of poutine’s invention. Drummondville, Saint-Jean-sur-Richelieu, Victoriaville, and Warwick each have ponies in this race.

It is commonly believed that poutine earned its name (which is French slang for “a mess”) when a trucker asked cook Fernand Lachance to add cheese curds to his fries in the 1950’s.

You can really make anything with the poutine base of fries and curds. Butter chicken, ribs, ground beef, pulled pork, and most other meats can be used in recipes. There are also Greek and Italian poutines which include Greek salad and gyro meat and Bolognese sauce and Italian sausage, respectively.

Chef Chuck Hughes even won an episode of Iron Chef America with an offering of lobster poutine, which sounds so amazingly fantastic. Not so fantastic (to the Sip Advisor, at least) are recipes which include foie gras, caviar, and truffles. I’d still give them a shot, though and probably end up eating crow.

Despite its wonderful taste, one major downside of poutine is its high-caloric value. Servings can range from 750-1,500 calories depending on how many ingredients are thrown on top of the base.

A number of fast food joints have also jumped aboard the literal gravy train. New York Fries, KFC, Burger King, Dairy Queen, A&W, Wendy’s, and even McDonald’s, known for their world famous skinny fries, have got in on the poutine act. A number of poutine specific restaurants have also began popping up across Canada. In a small area of downtown Vancouver, you can find La Belle Patate, Smoke’s Poutinerie, Mean Poutine, and others.

My favourite rendition of the meal is available at my local watering hole, Jimmy’s Taphouse. It’s not an elaborate serving of the delicacy, but what pushes it over the edge is the chipotle drizzle they put over the fries, giving it a bit of spice. The menu item is also on the bar’s half price happy hour menu, which makes it all the more amazing.

Jones Soda released a poutine-flavoured beverage for a limited time in 2013, which was met with mostly harsh reviews. Still, I wish I could track it down and use it in a drink recipe. If you have a bottle lying around, donations to The Sip Advisor are always accepted and like a church offering plate are strongly encouraged!

Some close family members of poutine include Disco Fries (using mozza cheese and served in New Jersey and New York since the 1970’s), Chili Cheese Fries, and In-N-Out Burger’s Animal Fries (with cheese, onions, and secret sauce).

All this talk of poutine has worked up quite an appetite for me, so we’ll close with a note on perhaps the most famous moment for the popular dish. For Rick Mercer’s satirical ‘Talking to Americans’ segment on This Hour Has 22 Minutes, during the 2000 U.S. election, Mercer told George W. Bush that Prime Minister Jean Poutine had endorsed him. The actual Canadian PM at the time was Jean Chretien, but not a single interviewee picked up on the discrepancy. When President Bush made his first trip to Canada, he joked that he wanted to thank Mr. Poutine for the endorsement, finally clued in to the gag.

Canada: Unsuspecting Victim

0.75 oz Crown Royal Whiskey
0.75 oz Chambord
0.75 oz Amaretto
Top with Pineapple Juice and Sweet & Sour Mix
Splash of Lemon-Lime Soda
Garnish with Lemon and Lime Wheels

This is one of the few things we can thank the French for… that and an endless number of liquor options. Please share your favourite poutine recipe, fact, or story. Then go get yourself some of Canada’s finest gastronomic delight!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
Well, my little sippers, it happened again. I ended up with some Pineapple Juice that had gone bad and came out as clumpy as some poutine gravies. Luckily, I had some Pineapple Soda still lying around and it added a very nice touch to the drink. The always reliable (aren’t all Canadian items!) Crown Royal Whiskey tasted really good combined with the Chambord and Amaretto and everything mixed together made for an excellent cocktail.

September 5 – Banana Pepper

Posted on September 5, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Crazy Condiments

I’ve recently fallen in love with actual banana peppers (although the drink was quite tasty, too) and I enjoy experimenting with different tastes and combinations on burgers, hot dogs, sandwiches, salads, and nearly everything else I stuff in my mouth. Of course, I’m a fan of all your usual condiments (ketchup, mustard, mayo, etc.), but here are some of the more unique items I love to add to my meals:

Baconnaise

I’d be happy if everything in my life came with bacon on board. Mayo is already a wonderful condiment, but when you combine it with the healing powers of bacon (seriously, bacon is the best known hangover cure), you just can’t go wrong. Baconnaise would be best enjoyed on… anything. It’s that simple of a concept.

Bacon Bits

Sticking with the most delicious meat known to man, I love bacon bits (real or simulated, it doesn’t really matter!) and will toss some on many different meals. They go great on tacos, Caesar salads, poutine, and pizza, among others. I weep for those that do not eat bacon and have spent countless nights lost in prayer for their souls.

Tzatziki

What would Greek food be without Tzatziki? Well, it would still be pretty damn good, but Tzatziki is the icing on the cake… or in this case, the souvlaki, potatoes, rice, Greek salad, calamari, lamb… shall I continue?! Sure, the substance can leave your breath with a long-lasting garlic resonance, but it’s all worth it for the taste.

Oh, I want these so bad!

Chipotle/Southwest/Baja Sauce

This is another dressing that I’ve really gotten into in the last little while. I enjoy a little heat with my food (nothing crazy, because I’m more about flavor than burn) and these spreads are the perfect touch for getting that mild to medium singe. Burritos, in particular, have become an absolute pleasure since these sauces became so popular.

Tartar Sauce

I’ve recently fallen back in love with tartar sauce after a few years of barely being friends. Of course, the stuff perfectly complements fish and chips, but can also be used with other seafood delicacies. I recently realized that I’ve never tried a McDonald’s Filet-O-Fish and that’s something that needs immediate remedying. I’ll report back to you soon!

Olives

I love all types of olives: black ones, green ones, stuffed, pitted. There’s no olive I won’t try. We’ve also become quite enamored of late with tapenades around the Sip Advisor offices. These dips mix chopped olives with a host of other ingredients that can include capers, anchovies, juices, oils, herbs and spices. They’re great on breads and crackers.

Triple O Sauce

I can best describe this as a mayo-ketchup-thousand island hybrid that is so delicious it truly makes the burger. It’s only available at White Spot restaurants, which are largely located throughout B.C., Canada. I had a family member who used to work with the company and legend has it she would bring a massive container of the sauce to family gatherings… sadly, I wasn’t even born yet.

Drink #248: Banana Pepper

1 oz Dark Rum
0.5 oz Crème de Banane
0.5 oz Amaretto
Top with Cola
Garnish with a Banana Slice and a Banana Pepper

I bet you’re thinking to yourself: “Did the Sip Advisor just write an entire post about condiments and sauces?” You’re damn right he just did… now if only they paid me to do this!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
This cocktail is advertised as a banana-flavoured Dr. Pepper and on that point, it hits its mark. It’s a pretty decent, if not amazing drink, but one that would be enjoyed by most people.

July 22 – Cincinnati Lunchbox

Posted on July 22, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Burger Bar

Very few things compliment a tall, cold mug of beer like burgers do. I’ve been privileged to enjoy a number of fine selections. Here are some of my favourites:

Legendary Burger – White Spot

A darling of Western Canada (particularly the province of British Columbia), I can rarely remember a trip to White Spot that didn’t result in ordering this burger. You scan the menu every single time and even contemplate ordering something other than the norm, but you always end up asking for your favourite and you never regret doing so. The secret recipe Triple-O sauce is to die for and should be available to purchase.

Prime Rib Burger – The Keg

Ordered off of its bar menu, most Keg restaurants will allow this to be selected even if you’re in their main dining room, as well. The ones that don’t are listed near the top of my always growing ‘enemy list’. This burger is absolutely fantastic. The seasoning, combined with all the toppings makes for one tasty meal. Take my advice and throw in an extra buck for the bacon. Unbelievably, it’s one of the cheapest items on the restaurant’s menu to boot!

Whopper – Burger King

Flame broiled, yes please! The thing I love best about the Whopper is that it is loaded with toppings. Toppings are essential to any burger enjoyment and the King has read that message loud and clear. I appreciate that the chain has found its way into a number of airports, giving me an opportunity to have a decent meal on the run. Burger King is also one of the few food vendors in movie theatres around my parts, taking advantage of hungry moviegoers.

Big Xtra – McDonalds

Although I can only find this burger (known as the Big N’ Tasty in the U.S.) at Wal-Mart-connected McDonalds, it is worth the trip. In my opinion, all burgers need essential ingredients and this meal covers all the bases. You have your lettuce, tomato, mayo, ketchup, pickles, and onions… all the colours of the rainbow. Perhaps the only thing missing is a couple strips of bacon, but we’ll let that transgression pass.

Big Crunch – KFC

I had to include a chicken burger on this list and the best place in the world for bird meat is hands down KFC. I haven’t had a Big Crunch in a couple years, but just writing this has me craving the delicious 11 secret herbs and spices recipe. A little tip for chicken burger connoisseurs, try dipping your meal in ketchup before each bite, adding another wonderful flavour to the mix.

Kobe Beef Sliders – Milestones

Perhaps the only thing better than one big burger is three mini burgers! Most of my beef selections come sans cheese, but in this case, I’m happy to leave the mozzarella on. The Milestones sliders are topped with crispy onion straws and are accompanied by a delicious sesame mustard sauce for dipping. The appetizer is perfect for sharing and Mrs. Sip and I have been known to gorge ourselves on a couple starters prior to skipping dinner!

Bacon Deluxe – Red Mill Burgers

I learned of Red Mill Burgers watching Man vs. Food, as host Adam Richman toured a selection of restaurants in Seattle, Washington. Thankfully, that means the franchise’s locations are only a two-hour drive away for Mrs. Sip and I. Well worth it, I would say! When we arrived, the line-up for ordering was out the door and it didn’t take long to understand why. Loaded with toppings and the delicious Mill Sauce, I was in burger heaven and I enjoyed the euphoria the entire two-hour trip home!

Drink #203: Cincinnati Lunchbox

1 oz Amaretto
Top with half Orange Juice and half Beer (I used GIB Hefeweizen)
Garnish with Orange Slice

All this talk of burgers has got me really hungry… and all this mentioning of beer has got me really thirsty. Why won’t someone satisfy my needs!? I don’t ask for much. Only to be fed, thirst quenched, and legions of fans who will do my bidding!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
Not a bad beer cocktail, but a little sweet and not really memorable… it doesn’t live up to the burgers listed above. I was looking forward to this drink, as Hefeweizen Beers are my favourite, but I think the Orange Juice took over too much.

May 8 – McNuggetini

Posted on May 8, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

McHappy Day

While I don’t go there nearly as often as I did in a previous life, I still have a fondness for the “golden arches”! One of my favourite McDonald’s menu items of all time is the Big Xtra (or Big N’ Tasty for the American audience). This sandwich has vastly disappeared from most McDonald’s restaurants, but for some reason is available at all Wal-Mart McDonald’s outlets.

When I once worked conveniently across the street from a McDonald’s, I would occasionally walk a couple extra blocks to the nearby Wal-Mart to get my true menu item of choice. On a recent Wal-Mart shopping expedition, complete with Big X-tra indulgence, I got to thinking about McDonald’s mains and sides I’d love to see back on the menu.

Shaker Fries

Back when Mickey-D’s featured a limited-time “Taste of the Month” menu item, the shaker fries were introduced. The flavour options included sour crème and onion and barbecue. The gimmick was simple. You’d pour your carton of fries into a shaker bag, along with your seasoning of choice, give it a quick whirl and voila, flavoured fries. When Mrs. Sip and I were visiting New Zealand, we came across a McDonald’s that had these very fries and best of all, you were able to eat your meal inside a replica small plane!

Arch Deluxe

A precursor of sorts to the company’s current crop of “luxury” burger offerings, the Arch Deluxe featured a larger than normal beef patty, along with lettuce, tomato, onion, cheese, and optional bacon. Today, the chain offers Angus burgers in its place (in Canada, at least) and we have this innovator to thank for the progressive burger movement.

McPizza

Another McDonalds oddity that was actually pretty decent. I remember Papa Sip – never a huge fan of McDonalds food, except breakfast – would always order this menu item. McPizza was taken off the menu because it took the restaurants too long to make each order, thus not falling in line with the concept of fast food.

McDonaldland Cookies

A very memorable childhood treat and featured in a little cardboard box, the McDonaldland chocolate chip cookies existed in a time where we didn’t force kids to have a side of apple slices with their cheeseburger because they don’t know what it’s like to go outside and exercise. Sadly, these cookies have been extinct for some time now. I wonder if anyone is selling a pack on EBay or something.

Orange Drink

This stuff was totally radical! It was like that Super Socco juice box, except watered down to extreme levels. If I could get my hands on this substance today, first I’d also ask to take a tour of the McDonalds facility (do you remember when they used to do that at birthday parties?) and play in the ball pit, before heading home and coming up with some drink ideas for the sweet nectar.

Deli Sandwiches

These subs were pretty good… not Subway good, but not too shabby, either. The sandwiches were released at a time when McDonalds was trying to improve its image as a healthy choice in the fast food market and compete with restaurants like Quiznos and the aforementioned Subway. My choice among the lot was the Turkey BLT, which came with all the ingredients you’d expect from its name.

Meal Days

Mondays were Big Mac day, Tuesdays featured the Big Xtra, Wednesdays brought the McChicken to the yard and so on. The only meal day I didn’t much care for was Filet O’ Fish on Fridays, but cheap burgers each day of the week was pretty epic. Why they ever got rid of this promotion, which surely had to be successful, I’ll never know. At least it existed during my high school days. Ah, so many classes skipped to hang out at McDonalds, playing cards, and scoring cheap eats!

Drink #128: McNuggetini

Rim glass with Barbecue Sauce
1.5 oz Vodka (I used Pinnacle Chocolate Whipped)
Top with McDonald’s Chocolate Milkshake
Garnish with a Chicken McNugget

Such an awe-inspiring concoction! There are many McDonalds’ items that I have yet to try, as I constantly add to my “To Eat” list. This includes the McRib and McLobster sandwiches as well as McPoutine. Help me on my quest by donating to the ‘Make a Sip Foundation’. Seriously, though, go out and grab a menu item that provides money for charity on this, the happiest of all days, McHappy Day!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4.5 Sips out of 5):
Most people probably can’t wrap their heads around the Barbecue Sauce rim working with a Chocolate Milkshake, but I have to say that the sweet sauce was a nice compliment to the chocolate shake. Chocolate Whipped Vodka was also an excellent call, on my behalf.

May 7 – Caesar

Posted on May 7, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Well Hung

I never get hung over. Don’t get me wrong, I can feel a little off the day after a heavy drinking effort, but I do not display the normal symptoms of a hangover. Mrs. Sip and friends marvel over my invincibility against hangovers… or more accurately they get green with jealousy. Haters say that the dreaded morning after monster will catch up to me, but how can it ever sneak up on you when you have a perpetual buzz going!?

The Caesar (a Canadian original and menu staple), today’s libation du jour, is thought to be a steadfast hangover cure. Although this isn’t a proven fact, most drinkers would swear by it. Here are some other solutions to your throbbing headache, nausea, dehydration, and weakness – at least I’ve heard that’s what a hangover feels like:

Coffee

I don’t drink the stuff at the best of times, so I’m pretty sure it would make me sicker than I was before, if I tried it as a cure. According to some studies, drinking coffee may increase your alertness the morning after drinking, but it will also increase your dehydration. So, to sum up, I have once again proven that coffee and all its subsidiaries suck and should be stricken from the earth.

Aspirin, Gravol & Other Meds

I have been advised before to take an Aspirin before going to bed after drinking heavy. I laughed obnoxiously at the time and I’m still laughing today. Meds can actually be helpful to cure what ails you, though. Aspirin will relieve your headache and Gravol will settle your stomach. If you don’t have any pills lying around, Ginger Ale can also work wonders on the system. It makes a great mixer, to boot!

Fast Food

A morning run to McDonalds, Burger King, or any other fast food joint may not actually cure a hangover, but it’s a perfectly good reason to start the day right with a greasy meal! Then when you’re sitting on the couch all day feeling lethargic, you can blame your breakfast, rather than your hangover.

More Alcohol

This would be my favourite solution to a hangover, but apparently the “hair of the dog” approach will eventually make you feel worse, as you build toxins on top of already consumed poisons. The Caesar would fall into this category, with drinkers arguing that the blend of ingredients, and in particular the clamato juice (tomato juice if you’re making a Bloody Mary), is enough to jump start their body the day after getting smashed.

Exercise

Don’t get me wrong, I like a good workout, but after a night out, even when I don’t get hangovers, the thought of an early morning bike or weight lifting session makes me shiver. I like to start the day slowly after getting blotto. I’ll eventually hit the gym, but I’m in no rush whatsoever to get there. The only exercise I want the morning after painting the town red is a little cuddling, if you smell what I’m cookin’.

Sleep

The complete opposite of exercise, staying in bed is a little more up my alley. Sleeping one off is as literal a hangover cure as you can find. A true warrior, though, doesn’t save his drinking for the weekends. Yes, us man-among-men types can hit the bottle with a fire so strong that it’s mesmerizing and still wake up early the next day, hop out of bed and be a stud at work. That’s when you know you’re a legend… or an alcoholic, whateves.

Bacon

My good friend and future best man (you should always be planning ahead), bacon, has actually been recently proven to help make people feel better after they’ve hit the bottle too hard. Specifically a bacon sandwich can do the trick, thanks to the carbs in bread and the protein in bacon. Both these substances provide the body with essential amino acids which will help with recovery. Is there anything bacon can’t do!?

Water/Sports Drinks

If I’m not having an alcoholic bevvy and you see the Sip Advisor with a drink in my hand, it’s likely going to be water. I drink so much water every day, I figure that’s why I never get a hangover. Oddly, I don’t drink much water during a hardcore boozing session, but I have friends who swear by doing a 1-1 or 2-1 ratio of alcohol to water or sports drink (Gatorade, Powerade) beverages. I’ve never been a mathematician, so that just seems like too much work to me.

Drink #127: Caesar

Rim glass with Celery Salt
1.5 oz Vodka (I used Bakon Vodka)
Top with Clamato Juice
Pinch of Salt
Pinch of Pepper
Dash of Hot Sauce
Dash of Worcestershire Sauce
Dash of Horseradish
Garnish with Celery Stalk, Pickled Skewer, Spicy Bean, and Lime Wedge

Apparently, there are actually hangover pills. Personally, I wouldn’t give them much stock. Why waste your money on something that probably doesn’t even work, when you all you apparently really need is bacon and water? If you hate me because I don’t get hangovers, let me know. The best insults you can hurl my way may appear in a future post!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4.5 Sips out of 5):
I’ve always been a fair-weather friend of the Caesar. I neither love it, nor hate it. However, now I’m a fan as apparently I just had to make one for myself. This eco-system of a drink was delicious. It was salty, spicy, savoury, and flavourful, all at the same time. A cocktail that was wonderfully enjoyed on a beautiful day!

April 15 – Whiskey Sick Day

Posted on April 15, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Under the Weather

Recently, your faithful Sip Advisor contracted a flu which knocked me for a loop and caused me to miss my very first days of work due to illness. During my three-day sabbatical, I worked diligently to document my ordeal and I hope to share those notes with you, my little sippers, today. Don’t worry, all the gross stuff has been removed unless you find under-garnished hamburgers as disgusting as I do!

The first day I wasn’t feeling well I still dragged my butt to work and even played soccer, part of a rotating sports league I’m a member of. For some reason, I’ve always played well when ill. While this wasn’t the seven goals I sniped a few weeks back in ice hockey while playing with a cold, it was a half decent performance. Afterwards is when I really started feeling grungy, though.

The next morning I woke up and decided to pull the plug on my iron-man streak. I grabbed a spot in front of the TV and searched for some suitable entertainment… quickly learning that there’s not much out there.

When I myself was just a little sipper and was home from school sick, The Price is Right was a favourite viewing pleasure of mine. Bob Barker and his crusade to get your pets spayed and neutered was something all viewers could get behind… plus Plinko was pretty awesome!

The first thing I noticed when watching the show last week is that it now employs a male prize model. The strapping young man is hard not to notice among the horde of attractive women. I wonder if Bob Barker’s sexual harassment allegations would have been any different with less of Barker’s Beauties around. Rod Roddy, on the other hand, would have certainly found himself in hot water with all the males running about.

The funniest thing is seeing male contestants win a prize and go to hug all the ladies, only to double clutch when approaching the guy and go for the ol’ handshake-hug-reacharound.

My TV viewing pleasures didn’t stop there as I tuned into the Maury Show for some paternity results. Not the best idea to try and catch a nap while moms are screaming about babies having the same eyebrows as prospective daddies and these fine gents are denying they’re fathers with more passion than they’ve ever put into, well… anything!

One case in particular caught my attention as a guy, who was denying his daughter, kept bringing up that he had bought his girlfriend a $900 engagement ring. It was mentioned like 10 times, no exaggeration. Did he follow up the proposal by treating her a two-can-dine for $9.99 meal at Mickie D’s!?

Later on during my sickness, I had a massive craving for salt and grease. In my mind, I knew that a quick jaunt to McDonalds was the only way to appease these desires. Without Mrs. Sip around to take care of me and explain to me that McDonalds is not recovery food – she was off gallivanting around town, selling my secret recipes to unscrupulous barkeeps… or so my delirious mind told me – I had to venture out into the rain, umbrella-less and forage for food. While at the restaurant, and figuring I didn’t want to make the brief trip again, should the urge arise a second time, I ordered four hamburgers.

Sadly, I was only able to stomach one (and that was a challenge… damn, I hate it when Mrs. Sip is right!) before throwing the other three in the fridge for a later date with destiny. Those other meals were massive disappointments, with two of the three sandwiches only containing one pickle… and tiny slices at that. This has been a longstanding issue between myself and Ronald McDonalds’ peeps. I’ve complained before, something I’m rarely charged enough to do, but the results of my pleas have not been satisfactory.

Lastly, I largely stayed away from alcoholic bevvies during my recovery, save for my work on this site. However, I felt best – and this could be a disturbing sign – after I had a couple of drinks nearly a week after I was first sick. Alcohol: it cures what ails you!

Drink #105: Whiskey Sick Day

0.75 oz Whiskey (I used Wiser’s Spiced)
0.75 oz Bailey’s Irish Crème
Top with Hot Chocolate (I used Rolo Cocoa Powder)
Garnish with Whip Cream and Chocolate Sprinkles

My final observation of the week is that being sick absolutely sucks. You think it won’t be so bad being away from work and lazing around, but it’s horribly lonely, boring and tedious. At least I had sweet lady liquor and this little gem to keep me company!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
An impromptu drink to “celebrate” my recent illness, this was quite tasty, although totally messy… not that there’s anything wrong with that! The whip cream runneth over the glass, but it is forgiven because of how well it mixed with the hot chocolate based concoction on the inside of the glass. I never mind getting a little sticky for the sake of discovery!

April 5 – Pond Water

Posted on April 5, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Thoughts of Random

As I sipped this delicious cocktail, thoughts, ideas, and ponderings begin to pop into my head. It was as if this jungle juice was making my brain go into overdrive. Here’s what I was able to come up with, as I downed some Pond Water (which consequently doesn’t appear to be the colour of any pond water I’ve ever seen):

1) While in California a few weeks back, I overheard a Disneyland cast member say that while an entire area, dubbed Fantasy Faire, has been built to house all the Disney princesses, Tiana (from The Princess and the Frog) will remain in New Orleans Square… thus proving that segregation still exists in Disneyland?

Oh, so Beast is allowed to hang out with the princesses, but Tiana has to stay on the other side of the park!

2) Liquor stores should have wedding registries (just found out one of my favourite booze palaces actually offers this). This would have saved Mrs. Sip and myself a lot of time and aggravation. Can you imagine the fun your faithful Sip Advisor would have had going through the local liquor distributor and selecting items for guests to pick up? Hell, any item picked from there would be greeted with much happiness.

3) Why do jackasses at sports event try to be seen on TV? I don’t care that you’re there, and you probably won’t either once the $10 beer buzz wears off. Now sit your ass down and watch the game you paid hundreds of dollars to be at.

4) How can McDonalds call their burger Cheeseburger Deluxe when it doesn’t come with pickles? Seriously!?

5) Staying with Mickie D’s, it was very disappointing to finally order the 40-piece McNugget Meal and not get one box full of 40 nuggets (instead receiving four 10 McNugget boxes). At least they gave me ample sauces.

These tubs rule, but boys, you're looking a little light on the sauces!

These tubs absolutely rule, but fellas, you’re looking a little light on the sauces!

6) A friend recently wrote that putting out her recycling lets her neighbours know that she’s a functional alcoholic. Here’s my own experience in that realm: I was shopping at my local liquor emporium, pushing a buggy (hey, I’m a serious consumer) between the aisles and picking up a number of items. When I reached the checkout, the kind cashier asked, “Having a party?” “Nope,” I bluntly replied.

A couple days later I was taking a massive load of recycling to the bins in my building when I ran into a neighbor in the elevator. After scanning the contents of my recycle box, he asked, “You have a party?” “Nope,” I once again replied. Moral of the story: What is with these nosey people!?

7) I have some issues with the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air opening theme… why does Will have to take a cab to the Banks’ residence? Couldn’t they have sent a driver? It’s not like he was an uninvited guest who travelled from the other side of the country in hopes of crashing with them.

Sadly (or awesomely), this is the kind of stuff that keeps me up at night.

Drink #95: Pond Water

Rim glass with Orange Fun Dip
1.5 oz Raspberry Vodka
Splash Blue Raspberry Mixer
Splash Sweet & Sour Mix
Top with Orange Crush

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I don’t remember pond water ever being bright orange, but who cares when it gives you the chance to enjoy Orange Soda. A particular highlight of this martini was the Orange Fun Dip rim I gave it, which made every sip a complete pleasure.

February 21 – Rainbow Orgy

Posted on February 21, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Open Bar

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot… concerned? You should be. As a result of this blog, I always have to be thinking about things to write about on a daily basis. Well today my brain wants a bit of a vacation and I’ve just let my thoughts drift and mingle (becoming an orgy of thoughts, if you will… see how I tied that all into today’s drink!). My thoughts are very skewed – random even – and tangents are easy to go off on. So, as Dr. Dre once rapped, “Journey with me into the mind of a maniac”…

1) All the best vices are often portrayed as women (hmmm, what does that say?). Alcohol is no exception and in fact many liquors have stripper/porn star names (it’s true, I did very in-depth and personal research to come to this conclusion): Tangueray, Bombay Sapphire (ooohhhh, exotic), Kahlua, Tia Maria, Amaretto, Cherry Liqueur (think about this one!), Peach Schnapps, Margarita… and the list goes on and on… the result of mixing a few of these ladies together in a shot glass is usually something really dirty (Porn Star, Slippery Nipple, Silk Panties with Lace, and Cum Shot, to name a few).

2) Why are women so opposed to deep fried food, but absolutely love fondue?

3) I wonder if any astronauts have ever got down with their bad self in space? Talk about a thousand mile-high club.

4) Is there anything sadder than a closed liquor store? Anything!?!? I think not.

5) How come every time a new black character is introduced in The Walking Dead, another one has to (spoiler alert) die? Is it that they are tagging out or is there some secret AMC contract about how many African American’s are allowed to appear in any one show at a time? You would think Mad Men would then balance everything out since apparently according to the show only white scotch drinkers existed in the 1950’s.

6) Why are “World Energy Conservation Days” and “World No Gadget Days” promoted so heavily on social media sites… and usually by the people who are online the most? Maybe if they scaled back their post and tweet output, the need for these days would lessen.

7) I really want to order the new 40-piece Chicken McNugget meal McDonalds’ restaurants in the U.S. are advertising lately. Then I want to see how many sauce packs it takes to get through the whole lot. Just one of my very deep thoughts that I wanted to pass along.

Alrighty, I’ve taken up enough of your time. Here’s what you all came here for: today’s delicious drink!

Drink #52: Rainbow Orgy

1 oz Melon Liqueur
1 oz Crème de Bananes
Top with half Orange Juice, half Brisk Strawberry-Melon
Garnish with Melon Liqueur-filled Strawberry

Like an amalgamation of my thoughts, this drink comes together quite nicely. The Crème de Bananes and Melon Liqueur mix very well with all the other ingredients and a drink you’d expect to be super sweet isn’t at all. I personally garnished the drink with a hollowed out strawberry that contained another shot of Melon Liqueur, but results may vary.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
The colouring of the drink is pretty wicked and the taste wasn’t bad. This is another cocktail that could have benefitted from some fizz and perhaps a splash of Lemon-Lime Soda would have done the trick. I don’t know if I’d do a liquor-filled strawberry again, as it got a little sticky and messy.

February 15 – Banana Split Martini

Posted on February 15, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Sip Harmony

Valentine’s Day 2013 has come and gone, which means you have 365 days to find a partner (or new partner, if you weren’t happy with your V-Day gift) for the 2014 edition. If you follow The Sip Advisor’s date night advice (yeah, I’m good at that, too) you’ll do just fine… only fine, not great (our legal counsel insisted I throw that line in to cover our asses).

Dinner Out

I like to take Mrs. Sip to the finest McDonalds, which in our neck of the woods, means homeless people outside, bathrooms you have to be buzzed into, watered down pop stations and receiving you order wrong two-out-of-every-three times. Remember to always keep your options open. If your date is being fussy and wants to try something new on this special occasion, make sure there’s a Burger King nearby as a back-up.

Movie Time

The first obstacle with this option is agreeing on a movie. Unfortunately, as they don’t show pornography in megaplex cinemas, my second choice is usually a comedy. Problem is your date will likely want to see one of the romantic variety and now you’re really suffering. She better be worth it, friend. Sneaking in your own snacks is a must, or else you’ll be stuck putting a mortgage on your home to get a freakin’ drink (in a size that will burst your bladder and make you miss the climax of the film) and bag of popcorn.

Drinks on the Town

I’ve never been one to advocate drinking on a date…said the Sip Advisor never. I’ve had dates with drinks! The Cosmo and I once had a beautiful night out together, enjoying each other’s elixir. When it came time to seal the deal, though, I found out Cosmo saw me as more of a friend. We’re still close, but I’ll never forget how close I came to spending a night with sweet lady Cosmo.

Do Something Crazy!

As fun as bowling, mini-golf and ice skating (for us Canadians) can be, there’s nothing like giving your heart to each other while it’s jumping out of your chest. Great advancements have been made in tandem daredevil activities and even if you only go on one date together, he or she will never forget you or their near-death experience (I personally recommend Zorbing… what says love more than be stuck in a giant plastic ball and being pushed down a hill with that special someone?). Then again, the way I bowl, that may be as near-death as most people are willing to go.

Staying In

Lock the door, throw away the key and stay home. Better clear it with your date first, or else she’ll think you’ve taken her prisoner… although some ladies and gents might like that. Whether it’s to relax and watch Hockey Night in Canada (or, fine, a movie) together; have a romantic, candlelit dinner; or push the twin beds together for a night of wild passion; sometimes staying in is the best course of action.

The most important thing to plan for when staying home, is every night in together should start with a couple of these!

Drink #46: Banana Split Martini

1.5 oz Chocolate Whipped Vodka
1 oz Crème de Bananes (I used Bols)
1 oz Crème de Cacao
Top with Whip Cream
Garnish with chocolate sprinkles, banana slice and raspberry

If any of these tricks of the trade work for you, you can pay homage to me by giving your future child the middle name “Sip Advisor”… kind of has a nice ring to it, don’t ya think!?

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
This might have been my favourite of the Chocolate Week cocktails. It tasted very similar to the dessert of the same name and was just as fun to drink as it is to eat.

Sip Advisor

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