May 1 – Black Mojito

Posted on May 1, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Death Do Us Part

Some would say that the name Black Mojito conjures up images of the lively mojito (also known as the alcoholic rainforest) drying up and dying. In that vein, let’s take a look at some of the most bizarre deaths to occur in human history!

Uroko Onoja – Cause of Death: Sex machine blows a circuit

I think it’s every guy’s dream (or hope) to have endless sex. Unfortunately, that didn’t work out too well for this Nigerian polygamist. When five of his six wives demanded sex from him after catching him with the youngest wife (why this was a problem, I don’t know – surely the women knew the commandments of polygamy charter), he was able to go through four of them, in succession, before he stopped breathing. You have to give the guy some props for making it that far, but the last wife must have been pretty choked that she still got the short end of the stick (or rather, no stick at all to be exact).

Phillip Quinn – Cause of Death: And boom goes the lava lamp

We’ve all been mesmerized by the luminescent lava lamp before, but this dude tried to take the device to a whole new level. He put the lamp inside a microwave, and when it exploded (because that’s obviously what was going to happen) a shard of glass pierced his heart. How stoned was this guy that the thought of putting a lava lamp into a microwave even entered his mind? Was he going to eat the lava lamp’s gooey insides? That’s the only reason something should ever be put in a microwave, my little sippers, unless you’re warming up a rain-soaked pair of undies.

Garry Hoy – Cause of Death: Lawyer negligence

While trying to prove to a group of prospective articling law students that the glass throughout his office was unbreakable, this genius of a lawyer (from Toronto, no surprise there) slammed himself against the pane, which of course popped out and led to him taking a 24-floor dive. Ultimately not the best way to convince young lawyers that they had a bright future with that firm. Well, at least now they’ll never forget him.

Dick Wertheim – Cause of Death: Serve’s up

This one is really tragic, in my opinion. Mr. Wertheim was a tennis linesman working a 1983 US Open match. Player Stefan Edberg connected with a serve that hit the poor linesman right in the groin. While this pain would instantly kill most men, what got Werthheim in the end was blunt cranial trauma after he fell to the ground, hitting his head.

Lee Seung Seop – Cause of Death: Epic video game session

The most I’ve ever played a video game in one sitting is about two hours… and that’s a very rare chunk of time where I didn’t become disinterested, hungry, frustrated, or tired enough to shut off the console. My attention span just isn’t of that high a tolerance. Mr. Seop, on the other hand, played the online video game StarCraft for 50 consecutive hours before collapsing of fatigue. He must have been on one hell of a quest!

20 Crew and Passengers – Cause of Death: Crocodile strikes again

This incident all started when a passenger smuggled aboard a crocodile in a sports bag and the animal escaped. Panicked passengers – probably thinking they were extras in the long overdue Snakes on a Plane sequel – caused the plane to crash after they made the tiny aircraft unbalanced by all running to one side of the vessel. So many unanswered questions remain, like how the passenger got the crocodile past the crack airport security in Africa and what prompted this dude to smuggle a freakin’ dinosaur in the first place. Of course, the crocodile survived along with one passenger. Now I know why TV character Archer fears the lizards so much!

Drink #121: Black Mojito

Muddle 8 Mint Leaves and 4 Lime Wedges
1.5 oz Kraken Black Spice Rum
Top with Ginger Ale
Garnish with Lime Wedge

There are so many fascinating unusual deaths that have occurred throughout human history. Hence the existence of a show like Spike TV’s 1000 Ways to Die, which is always good for a few laughs. Ah, laughing at dead people… stay classy Sip Nation!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
Mojitos and their cousins rule. This recipe was different in that it required Ginger Ale, as opposed to either Club Soda or Lemon-Lime Soda, but that’s cool because I enjoy Ginger Ale. The drink also gave me a chance to use my new Kraken Black Spiced Rum, which I have absolutely nothing bad to say about.

April 14 – Captain Aaron

Posted on April 14, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Oh Captain, My Captain

There is only one man I trust to steer any ship I’m aboard… that’s my man, Captain Aaron! These are some other options I’d consider, even if most of them are nowhere near remotely real:

Captain Morgan

How could any Sip Advisor list in which an alcohol icon was a possible candidate, not lead off with said subject? Naturally, it can’t be any other way. While I’m more of a Sailor Jerry’s fan in the spiced rum category, Captain Morgan isn’t too shabby an alternative and I love the company’s ad campaigns.

Jesus Christ, the Cap`n gets a lot of sweet tail!

Sweet Jesus, the Cap`n sure gets a lot of sweet tail!

Captain Jack Sparrow

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirates life for me! Captain Jack Sparrow is a pretty resourceful guy. He can pretty much get himself out of any sticky situation, is pretty good at hunting long, lost treasure and is not too shabby with the ladies. More importantly, he’s a fan of the bottle and knows where to find hidden stashes of rum on deserted islands.

Captain Crunch

While Cap’n Crunch was far from my favourite cereal growing up, it was on the list of acceptable breakfast options I provided to Mama Sip as a youngster. Like any high profile athlete, my agent and I devised a list of demands that had to be met and cereal selection was chief among them.

Captain Kirk

Captain’s log, stardate 1077.69: I’ve never really been a science fiction nut, but I do have to give some respect to all the Trekkies out there, who show us what being passionate about something really should entail. Captain Kirk never has to buy a drink for himself as long as a geek is close by.

Captain America

While I’m more of a Tony Stark/Iron Man fan, Captain America is a strong leader, who I would be happy to follow into battle. Can you imagine a Canadian version of Captain America, who is light on crime and tries to help bad guys reform rather than punish them? Silly Captain Canada…

Captain Hook

I personally wouldn’t mind seeing Captain Hook get his hands on… oops! sorry, sensitive subject, I know, let me rephrase… get his hand and hook on Peter Pan. Maybe Hook can throw the little brat to the crocodile that’s always hounding him and use the time while the lizard is chowing down on some Pan to get some distance between himself and his pursuer.

Captain McCallister

You might be wondering who this captain even is. Well, I have one word for you: Yarrrrr! Okay, I know all pirates are known to say this, so I’ll just give you the answer. It’s the resident Sea Captain from The Simpsons. Often seen with a corncob pipe and tapping his glass eye, Captain McCallister is not only delightfully incompetent, but gets bonus points for being created by comedian, writer, and late show host Conan O’Brien.

Captain Stubing

While Mrs. Sip and I were on our honeymoon cruise, we were able to watch a few episodes of The Love Boat and quickly fell in love with how laugh-track cheesy the show is. Captain Stubing played a large role in our fondness for the sitcom as he tried to control his band of misfit employees.

Drink #104: Captain Aaron (A Sip Advisor Original Recipe)

1.5 oz Kraken Black Spiced Rum
Top with Ginger Ale
Splash of Lemonade
Garnish with a Captain’s Hat (If you happen to have one just lying around!)

In the interest of full disclosure, while this is an original recipe, it has been borrowed from the man, the myth, the legend, Captain Aaron himself. Happy birthday, buddy!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4.5 Sips out of 5):
The Cap’n and I love using Ginger Ale as a mixer and I really enjoyed his touch of adding Lemonade to the blend. The Spiced Rum works well with both ingredients, so the whole group comes together quite nicely.

April 8 – Grumpy Old Man

Posted on April 8, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Oldies, but Goodies

We’re supposed to honour and respect our elders, but the funniest ones are incoherent, maniacal, and out of touch with today’s world. That’s just the way we like them, though. From animation, to live action, to even puppets, here are the best angry octogenarians:

Grandpa Simpson – The Simpsons

Grandpa “Abe” Simpson is senile and irritable, but always lovable. In flashbacks, we learn that Abe was never really in touch with the world around him. In his senior years and angry that his family never wants to visit him, he has been known to write ranting letters to any business with an address and even yell at a cloud. I can’t really blame him though as I hate clouds with a passion, too.

Statler & Waldorf – The Muppet Show

These two curmudgeons spend all their time attending shows they intend to pan. When they attack, they rip into their prey with such veteran venom that it’s a modern science miracle that said victim can walk away after the lashing he or she has received. An antidote has yet to be formulated, but using the DNA of one Fozzy Bear, we hope to have a vaccine ready for distribution by 2015.

Frank Costanza/Arthur Spooner – Seinfeld/King of Queens

Jerry Stiller has proven over the years that his old man act is pure comedy gold. From the cantankerous Frank Costanza, to the petulant ever-scheming Arthur Spooner, Stiller has thrived as an old age performer. Perhaps his greatest moments came in the episode of Seinfeld “The Strike”, where Frank Costanza brings back the holiday of Festivus; including the feats of strength, airing of grievances, and let’s not forget those Festivus miracles!

Mayor Adam West – Family Guy

Mayor West is the perfect candidate to lead Quahog. He erected a statue of cereal mascot Dig Em’, sent the town’s police force across the world to search for a fictional character, and legalized then quickly illegalized marijuana, as his many works in office. Sounds like your typical politician to me.

Pierce Hawthorne & Leonard Briggs – Community

Pierce Hawthorne is a sexist, racist, homophobic psychopath – all the ingredients for a wonderful character! He spends most of his time disrupting the activities of his study group, who often want him gone from the gang. Leonard Briggs is a reoccurring character on the show, who heads up a crew of other oldies-but-baddies called The Hipsters (because each member has had hip replacement surgery). Briggs also ran for student body president, changing his last name to Rodriguez to capitalize on the Latino voters.

Ken Titus – Titus

Ken Titus is as nasty as they come, with his penchant for alcohol, tobacco, women, gambling and mean-spirited fun. He’s the furthest from having a heart of gold – in fact he’s had numerous heart attacks and other health issues, thus making his core as black as his soul – but that doesn’t make him any less funny. In reality, Papa Titus was just trying to raise his kids right and hoping they didn’t turn out to be ‘wussies’, as he often called them when they weren’t living up to his expectations.

Professor Farnsworth – Futurama

Professor Hubert J. Farnsworth is as dementia-ridden as they come. The owner and operator of Planet Express, he sends his crew off on missions that are doomed to fail, while inventing the most insane and useless items known to future-kind. And you can’t really blame him for losing all his marbles. At the age of 29, I feel like I’m slowly starting to lose mine and Farnsworth is somewhere between 150 and 170 years old.

John Gustafson & Max Goldman – Grumpy/Grumpier Old Men

Jack Lemmon and Walter Mathau have appeared in numerous movies together, but nothing compares to their two entries as Grumpy Old Men. As they compete with one another and often prank each other, the laughs pile up. Along with Burgess Meredith (playing Grandpa Gustafson), the amount of old man comedy in these flicks is high and hilarious. The gag reel for these movies, shown at the end of the films are hysterical, particularly when Meredith tries a number of different lines to relay various sexual euphemisms.

Mr. Burns – The Simpsons

Monty Burns has done nearly every horrible act listed in the How to be Dastardly Handbook. He’s so evil, he even tried to block out the sun so the town would have to rely solely on his nuclear power. Nearly every person in Springfield has had a run-in with Mr. Burns, whose love of power and money come before any other feelings he may have. I still think there’s a softy buried underneath all that audacity though.

Drink #98: Grumpy Old Man

2 oz Jim Beam Black Cherry Bourbon
Splash of Lime Juice
Top with Ginger Ale or Sweet & Sour Mix
Garnish with Lime Twist

The original recipe calls for plain Bourbon, but I used Black Cherry and must admit the result was quite fantastic (if I don’t say so myself). We must learn from those who have come before us. Unfortunately, these folks aren’t the best example of people you’d want to take notes on. Meh, we drink in their honour, anyway!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4.5 Sips out of 5):
A great drink that I wasn’t able to completely enjoy as I battled a bad flu. I ask the rhetorical question: Is there anything Black Cherry Bourbon can’t do? The combo of Ginger Ale and Sour Mix may quickly become a favourite of mine.

March 27 – Loopberry Splash

Posted on March 27, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

You Will Get Wet

I usually try to theme each day’s post in relation to the featured drink. Today’s subject may be a bit of a stretch, but given the word “loop” and “splash” are there, I wanted to discuss my favourite amusement park rides from around the world. So, let’s secure our personal belongings in the seat front pouch and hold on for dear life!

Crush’s Coaster – Disneyland: Paris

When you combine a kid’s movie with a turbulent rollercoaster, you satisfy all of my needs! This attraction takes guests through the East Australian Current, riding on Crush the surfing turtle’s shell. What starts out as a normal coaster turns (literally) into a very memorable one, when your vehicle begins spinning with the gravity and speed created by the ride track, at one point going into a dark room that gives space mountain a run for its money. Mrs. Sip and I are continually surprised the ride hasn’t been picked up by any of the other Disney parks.

The Amazing Adventures of Spider-Man – Universal Studios: Islands of Adventure

This is one of those classic 3-D movie attractions, but with the twist that you move from scene-to-scene in your ride vehicle. You speed, web sling, and plunge through the streets of New York, watching Spidey battle the Sinister Syndicate. Spider-Man rules, so this attraction gets bonus points on that fact alone.

Riddler’s Revenge – Six Flags

I’m not sure why so many attractions are trying to gain revenge on their riders (Montezuma’s Revenge also comes to mind), but this stand-up coaster is a wonderful salute to the Batman franchise and the insanity of Edward Nigma. Highlights of the actions include the pumping techno soundtrack and the vertical loops that wraps around the launch lift.

Jurassic Park – Universal Studios: Hollywood

I never really got the obsession with Jurassic Park until I rode this water ride. Everything starts off all nice and normal as you take a relaxing trip through pens belonging to many herbivore dinos. That all takes a drastic twist when your boat goes off course and you enter raptor cages, with the looming threat of an accidentally released T-Rex. Before you know it, the only route to safety is a dramatic plunge into the cold waters below.

The Four Mountains – Disney Parks

Splash Mountain, Space Mountain, Big Thunder Mountain, and Matterhorn Mountain are some of the original amazing E-ticket attractions to exist and are must hit rides for any visit to the Disney Parks that house them. Without these tracks, so many other advancements in theme park technology would not have been possible.

Ghost Rider – Knott’s Berry Farm

When they warn you not to go on rides if you have back or neck problems, they were probably thinking of this attraction. It’s a classic wooden rollercoaster that spans the parks and even crosses over into the parking lot. The wildest part about it is that you’re constantly ducking your head, thinking that it’s going to get sliced off by the beams above.

Toy Story Mania – Disneyland: California Adventure

The rapid advancements in ride technology are amazing. This attraction brings out the competitive spirit in riders as you compete with your mate and all other guests, in fact, to record the highest score possible. Throw on some 3-D glasses, and shoot at as many targets as possible on the screen in front of you before moving on to the next Midway challenge. Each ride experience is different, providing you don’t mind waiting 40 minutes to an hour in line for this popular attraction!

Valhalla – Blackpool Pleasure Beach

I refuse to buy ponchos for water rides… that totally defeats the purpose. But in this case, as we watched ride attendants vacuum water out of each boat that arrived at the loading zone, we were happy we’d taken the advice to grab a couple. I’ve never been so drenched, in my life… even with the damn poncho. Had it not been a dreary English spring day, we would have rode the ride – which featured a ton of special effects, as well as going backwards in a log flume – again, but as it was, we were already chilled to the bone.

Hollywood Rip, Ride, Rockit – Universal Studios: Florida

Rides that have their own soundtrack are amazing… but how about a ride where you get to pick the song of your choice, which is perfectly edited for the duration of the track. You can pick from rock, rap, country, dance and just about everything else. There are even hidden songs that you can access. That will keep the guests coming back for more, looking for the perfect jam to their experience.

Drink #86: Loopberry Splash

1.5 oz Three Olives Loopy Vodka
Top with half Cranberry Juice and half Ginger Ale
Garnish with Lemon Wedge

While there are many theme parks we have yet to visit, this is a list of some of our favourites thus far. Sadly, I had to leave so many rides I love with all my being off this list. Hopefully I can squeeze them into a future post.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
The final drink in my trilogy of Loopy Vodka recipes was pretty decent. The mix of half Cranberry Juice and half Ginger Ale was good and worked well with the spirit. I should have done more with the garnish, but I guess I got a little lazy.

March 22 – Southern Frost

Posted on March 22, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Meteoro-losers

Straight up: I hate weathermen, weather reports, weather gossip, weather channels, weather balloons, weather vanes (also hilariously known as weather cocks), and generally anything else having to do with weather reporting or prediction.

Mrs. Sip, on the other hand, is always updating me on what the weather will be like where we live and most frustratingly, what it will be like during our next vacation destination a month before we’re set to be there (I think this trait is hereditary, so hopefully it’s not passed down to our children… *shudder* children). Weather guys and gals can’t even get their forecasts right the day of, so how the hell can they accurately predict what the weather will be like a month ahead of time?

In any other industry, if you were wrong more than half the time, you would be fired and never work in that field again. For some reason, meteorologists get a pass and I’m not cool with that. But what’s more bizarre is that WE KEEP LISTENING TO THEM! (And I obviously do not include myself in that “we” because I’m clearly in the small percentage of the population who has leveled up and evolved beyond weather reporting).

I say the only way to check the weather is to look out your own window and examine what the sky is doing at that present time. If you live in a stable environment, then this should be all you need to do for weeks at a time. I live in a volatile, urban, rainforest (kind of wish I lived in the Rainforest Cafe), where you can have multiple weather patterns in a single day. Still, the check-out-your-window process works fine for me.

I think a fitting punishment for all weathermen would be for them to be sucked into their own green screens and be mauled by the various monsters that have come to life thanks to CGI special effects. The hotties that are put into the role of weatherwomen, regardless of education and training, can be spared, provided they perform their duties in the buff, going forward. Now there are some chances of precipitation I can get behind!

I can’t believe there’s a whole channel dedicated to weather. What do I care if it’s snowing in Eastern Canada or if there’s a heat wave in Dubai? The Weather Channel should be turned into another sports channel, giving airtime to games like Dodge Ball, Ultimate Frisbee, and Hackeysacking. It could be called ESPN Stoner and it would be a haven for advertisers like Doritos, Taco Bell, Pizza Hut and Red Bull (I may have said too much now. I call dibs on the sports channel idea).

Back to weather reports, I think we can all agree that it only provides entertainment to seniors and for that reason alone, I suppose we can allow it to continually exist. I have great respect for our elders and I want them to enjoy a happy retirement and twilight years… they’ve earned it. *Sniff* Now I’m getting all emotional. Let’s get on with today’s drink.

Drink #81: Southern Frost

1.5 oz Southern Comfort
Top with half Cranberry Juice and half Ginger Ale
Garnish with an Orange Slice and a Raspberry

Quite frankly, the only weather phenomena I want to hear about is one that I can drink. At least it will help me get through the daily weather report. God speed!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
While the drink tasted great, I was especially happy with the garnish job I put together. I’ve found Southern Comfort to be a really solid liquor contribution and the combo of Cranberry Juice and Ginger Ale works really well together.

March 19 – PAMA-Jama

Posted on March 19, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Thunder Shower

We ain’t talking about a weather system… when Mama and Papa Sip were getting hitched, their friends threw them a party where each guest brought a bottle of alcohol for the happy couple to set them up with a nice bar for the start of a new life together (marriage drives a person to alcoholism joke inserted here). Wanting to pass that tradition on, the Parents Sip planned the same party for Mrs. Sip and me, about a month prior to our wedding. This was our Thunder Shower!

Frankly, it was a wonderful break from the daily wedding planning and a chance to gauge where we were at with the guests who would soon be sharing our special day with us.

With the party being Mexican Fiesta-themed (the food included a make your own nachos, tacos and burritos bar – what can I say, Mama and Papa Sip know how to throw a good bash) we were given four bottles of tequila, as well as a couple bottles of margarita mix. Some favourites I’m known for knocking back like Fireball Whiskey, Bacardi Rum, and Smirnoff Vodka were also bequeathed to us.

There were also some new tastes to try, which I’m always happy to oblige. Cousin Sip contributed a bottle of cucumber-infused Hendricks Gin, which I have taken a particular liking to. One set of friends passed along a bottle of Jim Beam Black Cherry Bourbon, as well as a bottle of Cointreau. Mama and Papa Sip gifted us a bottle of Chocolate Whipped Vodka, which quickly became a favourite of Mrs. Sip, whose wine and champagne collection was topped up, too.

All in all, it was a wonderful evening with great food and drinks, good fun with friends and family, and the beginning of our wedding celebration summer.

Why do I bring this event up? Well, for a number of reasons. My forum provides me with another chance to thank all of our guests for their generosity and truly show them how much we appreciated and enjoyed their gifts. Next, because I think every couple should get to enjoy a similar event and finally, because today’s drink features PAMA Pomegranate Liqueur, a bottle we received at our Thunder Shower and although we only recently opened it, the results have been thoroughly enjoyable thus far.

Drink #78: PAMA-Jama

8 Muddled Mint Leaves
1.5 oz PAMA Pomegranate Liqueur
Top with Ginger Ale
Dash of Lemon Juice
Garnish with Lemon Wedge

This has to be one of my favourite drinks of the project to date. I wasn’t sure how much I’d like the liqueur, as I don’t have any recollection of having actually ever eaten a real pomegranate, but once again life proves that as long as alcohol is inside something, it will be enjoyed (or at least consumed). How much did I like the drink? Well, given I’m making at least 365 drinks over the next calendar year, I try not to double up too often. I ended up making three of these for myself and just had to share the recipe with Mrs. Sip. Track it down and give it a shot (literally!). You won’t be disappointed.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (5 Sips out of 5):
A fantastic drink… I can’t say enough good things about this cocktail. It was the first time I busted out my PAMA Pomegranate Liqueur and what a wonderful mix I was treated with to begin my relationship with the spirit!

March 3 – Goldfinger

Posted on March 3, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Trivia Time

This cocktail could be honouring anything from the legendary King Midas, a sexual euphemism or anything in between. I’m going to assume (making an ass out of you and me… it’s what I do best) it’s a tribute to the James Bond book and film of the same name. So, let’s look at some trivia on the subject.

In nearly every scene that he appears in, villain Auric Goldfinger wears yellow or gold items of clothing. In one scene he is seen donning a US Army uniform, but is carrying the famous golden gun.

Advisor’s Take: So, Goldfinger basically dresses like a Richard Simmons/Rod Roddy cross… oh man, that’s a scary sight… but scary as in one of those car wreck type deals, where you can’t look away and want to see the carnage. Although that golden gun in the video games kills with only one bullet. No need for headshots here, just shoot them in the foot and the game gives the victim instant gangrene, which results in a quick death.

The Goldfinger movie marked the first time an Aston Martin vehicle was used by James Bond. The car and character are now synonymous with one another. The company was originally reluctant to provide the production with two of their vehicles, but after the success of the movie, which translated into great business for the vehicle manufacturer, the company was more than willing for future sequels to provide anything the producers were looking for.

Advisor’s Take: I’ve never really been a car guy, so I don’t bust a nut over the vehicles in this movie or any other film. The only driving experience I’d like to enjoy in my life is being in a convertible, while driving along a winding beach, with dark shades on and feeling the wind run through my hair… that or rocking a monster truck through the streets of a bustling downtown core, running over everything from smart cars, to people who walk while texting, to the little designer dogs that cover the streets with poop.

The name Pussy Galore was almost changed to Kitty Galore, in order to appease censors, but producers were allowed to continue with the original name, as long as it did not appear on promotional material for the film. Actress Honor Blackman, who played the titular (literally) character enjoyed embarrassing her interviewers during press junkets by repeatedly saying the name.

Advisor’s Take: Sounds like my kind of girl, talking all dirty. Such outlandish names like Pussy Galore in the Bond franchise has led to some great monikers in spy spoofs. Of course, there was the Austin Powers trilogy, which featured names like Alotta Fagina, Ivana Humpalot, Fook Mi and Fook Yu, and Dixie Normous. My favourite occurred in an American Dad episode lampooning the spy genre, as Francine became Sexpun Tocome. I kind of wish Pussy Galore had remained Kitty Galore, and instead of her team of Flying Circus pilots she had a menagerie of cats whose offensive array included napping on people to subdue them and killing birds and mice that could later be used as projectiles.

This was the first movie appearance for a laser beam, as seen when Goldfinger has Bond strapped to a table, on the verge of being snuffed out. In the book, a spinning buzzsaw is inching closer to Bond, rather than a laser beam, but producers felt this gag was no longer original.

Adviser’s Take: If a buzzsaw worked for Dudley Do-Right cartoons and 1960’s live action Batman episodes, it could have also worked here. Funnily enough, now the whole laser beam thing seems unoriginal. The times they are a changing. If I ever have a hero at my mercy, I would finish them off with the dreaded purple nurple. If left untreated, the purple nurple can turn into a deadly blood clot, causing nausea, seizures, and eventual organ failure. I’m not a doctor, but I play one on the internet.

The role of Goldfinger’s minion, Odd Job was given to former Olympic medalist and professional wrestler Toshiyuki “Harold” Sakata. Another wrestler, Milton Reid, who had played a henchman in Dr. No, wanted the Odd Job role and challenged Sakata to a match with the winner getting the part. Producers decided that wasn’t necessary, since Reid’s character had been killed off in Dr. No and the match never took place. Reid later appeared as baddie Sandor in The Spy Who Loved Me over a decade later.

Advisor’s Take: I think all movie roles should be decided in the wrestling ring. Can you imagine Keanu Reeves battling Will Smith (turned the part down) for the role of Neo in The Matrix series? Or the catfights that would occur when any of Hollywood’s leading ladies battled over a character? The Oscars could become Tinsletown’s version of WrestleMania, complete with a stacked card of bouts. Put it on pay-per-view and I bet the viewers would tune in. If you build it, they will come.

Okay, that’s enough trivia for today. Alex Trebek I am not. Unless he’s a boozehound too!

Drink #62: Goldfinger

1 oz Goldschlager
1 oz Grand Marnier
Top with Ginger Ale

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
Sadly, this drink disappointed in presentation, as it was hard to see any of the Goldschlager in the martini. The cocktail tasted great and even looked awesome, but the gold flakes disappeared and that was sad.

February 25 – The Party General

Posted on February 25, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Drunken Party Fouls

They happen… but that doesn’t mean we have to like them. I’ve instituted a three strikes and you’re out rule at my shindigs. If you break any three party foul rules, you’re out on the street. I don’t care if you’re Mrs. Sip or Mama Sip… hell, even future Baby Sip will be held to these stringent laws of the land. Don’t mess with The Advisor.

Spilling a Drink

A crushing moment at any soiree occurs when sweet, precious liquor is spilt. Small spills are bad enough, but when a nearly full drink hits the ground, it is perfectly reasonable for mob justice to occur. Punishment: Death… but I will settle for the offender having to drink the contents of their spill with a straw, no matter where it has landed (litter box, public bathroom floor, etc. are all fair game)!

Breaking Something

Unless it is done in the name of sweet mazel tov, the breaking of anything should never occur at a function. If the break is the result of drunkery, that’s even worse. (If it’s somehow the result of the cat you brought along on a leash, we’ll let it slide). Punishment: Replacing said item at equal or double the cost as a tax for your indiscretion.

Depressing or Complaining Conversation

We are here to party… not talk about how much your life sucks in comparison to mine (because let’s face it, it probably does), that children are starving in cities near you, or how you lost your fifth cousin, twice removed in a tragic microwave/hair drying incident. Even at a wake, things should be upbeat as we happily remember all the good times we had with that person. You want to be all depressed or moody? Don’t even bother coming out. This also likely goes for any talk about politics, unless we’re talking about Arnold Schwarzenegger. Punishment: Immediate banishment to the badlands. Forgiveness can be granted in exchange for a liquor run.

Stealing Booze

Whether you grab someone else’s beers from the fridge or help yourself to a shot from their bottle, if you don’t have the expressed written permission of the NFL to rebroadcast booze that is not yours, you should not do so. Some people carefully allot themselves what they plan on drinking in an evening and when someone else cuts into their stash, this can deny them of achieving the perfect level of zen. Punishment: Having your hand cut off… an extreme measure to be sure, but they won’t steal booze ever again. With only one hand, they won’t have the capability to do so!

So that’s where my bottle went…

Passing Out/Getting Sick

There are few examples where a guest passing out is a good thing. If they pass out in your own bed, then the only course of action is to send the two heaviest guests into the room to have a wrestling match, regardless of drunky’s (the eighth dwarf) wishes. A guest going nappy-nap is a better alternative to them getting sick, though. Nothing turns a party down a bad path quicker than someone praying to the porcelain gods or worse, letting loose in front of the entire gathering. Punishment: Do not pass go, do not collect $200 and no more Monopoly for you.

Not Paying Your Tab

Oh, this one makes Mr. Sip angry. You can spill a drink on my floors, break my glassware, talk about your dead uncle Artie, steal the last beer out of my fridge and puke all over my couch after half a sip and I may one day come to forgive you. But if you ever… and I mean EVER skip out on your tab and leave the rest of the group in a lurch, you are DEAD to me. Punishment: Well, you’re already dead to me, but I could also send the Ghostbusters after you and send you to ghostly purgatory.

Drink #56: The Party General

1.5 oz Whiskey
1.5 oz Amaretto
Top with Ginger Ale
Garnish with Maraschino Cherry

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I’ve always maintained that Ginger Ale is one of the most underappreciated mixers out there. Through it in with Whiskey and Amaretto, two of my favourite alcohols and we must surely be on the right track. Top with a Maraschino Cherry and all is well in the Land of Sip.

February 19 – Strawberry Sentiment

Posted on February 19, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

The Big 5-0

It’s milestone time here at The Sip as we hit the half-century mark on the 365-day drink challenge! It’s been a wilder ride than Mr. Toad’s, thus far, and to celebrate, here are some liquor-related memes to enjoy!:

Bill Cosby rules and for a man who put Jell-O on the map, he must wonder what all these kids are doing nowadays tinkering with Jell-O innocence. Well, Bill, kids do say and do the darnedest things!

This is about as bad as when you’re at Disneyland and someone uses their wheelchair to get to the front of the line-up only to then step out of it and able-bodily enter and exit the ride, while you’ve waited hours for the same attraction. You almost hope they slip and fall on some karma.

This is a religion I can get behind. Gotta love that there is not one, but two bottles by this guy’s feet. However, I’m worried that his condition will no longer allow him to reach those bottles, which would be a shame. He’s got a rocking beard, though.

I don’t think this is what his AA sponsor meant by getting clean. Personally, I think this guy looks a little too happy given that he is surrounded by empties. Well, when you can’t get lucky, I guess the next best thing to do is take a bath with all your closest friends.

Yeah, salad sucks… unless it’s Caesar salad. This idea looks like an awesome good time. Hopefully the crash at the end of the stunt was worth it. It would be hard explaining to your wife the big hole in your wall afterwards, especially with a chalk outline that includes a beer can!

I absolutely love this guy. I wish I knew who he was. You can write anything around this picture and it’s hilarious. Mrs. Sip is often startled from her nap as I lose my shit viewing memes involving this happy ginger. Rock on, buddy… rock on!

Drink #50: Strawberry Sentiment (A Sip Advisor Original Recipe)

Rim glass with salt
1.5 oz Tequila
0.75 oz Cointreau
Top with half Ginger Ale, half Brisk Strawberry-Melon
Garnish with a Strawberry Heart

Cheers and here’s to the next 50 drinks here at The Sip Advisor!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4.5 Sips out of 5):
I really liked this margarita-esque recipe. From the salt rim to the Strawberry-Melon mixer, I enjoyed every ingredient. A great way to celebrate this Sip Advisor 50^th post milestone!

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