March 24 – Red Alert

Posted on March 24, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Border Jumpers

About 75% of the Canadian population lives along the Canada-U.S. border. This is a tease for these Canadians, as the United States gets products that just can’t be found up here and what you CAN find in both countries usually comes in at a much lower price point south of the border.

For example, Cherry Dr. Pepper, used in today’s bevvy, has been available in the U.S. for a couple years now. In Canada, it is still advertised as a new product, having just hit store shelves in 2012. Cherry Coke, despite existing for decades has never popped across the border to say hi and same goes for Vanilla Coke (previously available in Canada), Mello Yellow, and unique spin-off flavours of Fanta, Mountain Dew, Snapple, etc.

If Gene Simmons is okay with it, why did Canada take so long?

If Gene Simmons is okay with Cherry Dr. Pepper, why did Canada take so long?

Pop (or soda as the Yanks prefer to call it) isn’t the only thing us Canadians have to chase down on trips to the States. There are a number of chocolate bars that can’t be picked up at the local Canadian convenient store. Pay Days (a Sip Advisor favourite), Coconut M&Ms, Butterfingers, and Heath Bars, form the bulk of this list. Although we do try to make up for Butterfingers by substituting Crispy Crunch and Heath by having Skor. And apparently, up north, we do have the market cornered on Coffee Crisp, Smarties, and Aero (all Nestle products)… even Kinder Surprise (eff the chocolate, I love getting little toys!). And I’ll never figure out why it’s two Reese Peanut Butter Cups in each American package and three in Canada… but I’m not complaining.

Recently I compiled a couple blogs about cereals and their slogans. For example, don’t bother looking for Trix in Canada… although perhaps the Trix Rabbit should take refuge in this country to avoid all the loser kids rubbing it in his face that the breakfast is not meant for him. I’m surprised the poor guy hasn’t gone on a breakfast-stealing rampage through an elementary school. Similarly, Apple Jacks cereal was once sold in Canada, but no longer share store shelf space. Cookie Crisp was apparently banned in Canada, which really pisses me off. How can a country ban Cookie Crisp, when its most famous culinary dish is the curd- and gravy-heavy poutine?

Books, dairy (particularly cheese), meat, fruits and vegetables, cigarettes, gas, tires, and most junk food top the list of items that are way cheaper in the U.S. than Canada. Here are some other cross border notes:

Seagram’s Gin, despite once being a Canadian-owned company, is no longer sold in Canada
Canadian Netflix sucks compared to the U.S. version, causing many subscribers to manipulate their systems allowing access to the American subscription
Hulu and other TV and movie streaming services will not work in Canada, where we are told they are not available in our region… despite us sharing the same region as the U.S.
Stores you can’t find in Canada: Barnes & Nobles, Trader Joes, Victoria’s Secret, Macy’s, and Nordstrom’s (although rumour has it that at least one Nordstrom’s is crossing the border to downtown Vancouver and apparently the International terminal of Vancouver airport now hosts a Vicky’s)
Restaurants exclusively serving the U.S.: White Castle, Cheesecake Factory, In-N-Out Burgers, Carl’s Jr., Jack in the Box

Yowza, we really need Victoria Secret in Canada!

Perhaps some of these items will finally be available in Canada with Target stores coming to the Great White North, but if not, I have no issues taking a trip down to the States to load up on Pay Days, Cookie Crisp, Victoria’s Secret lingerie (for Mrs. Sip, of course) and a meal or two at Jack in the Box.

At least we have Tim Horton’s, White Spot (in Western Canada), Ketchup Chips, Kraft Dinner, Swiss Chalet, and Hickory Sticks. I don’t really see Americans coming to our fair country for any of these items (although they should, especially for the White Spot Legendary Burger, Mmmmmm). Americans will probably just order most of these items online and have them shipped for free, while us suckers in Canada always have to pay extreme taxes and fees for the same service.

Drink #83: Red Alert

1.5 oz Whiskey (I used Crown Royal)
Top with half Orange Juice and half Cherry Dr. Pepper

To my Canadian brethren, I ask, what do you like to grab on trips to the States? To my friends from the south, is there anything you like in Canada that you can’t get from home? Do you even travel to our little country? Hit me back!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
I’m a big fan of the Cherry Dr. Pepper pop and it probably saved this cocktail It was neat to see the Orange Juice and Dr. Pepper mix together and luckily we were able to snap some good quick photos of the effect.

March 21 – Bottle Cap

Posted on March 21, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Penny Candy Perfection

I’m sure everyone can remember back to his or her childhood – liquor-decimated brain cells be damned – to the days when a trip to the local convenience store with your allowance money was special. Well, maybe this doesn’t apply to kids nowadays who seem to be ushered around everywhere and are never let out of sight of their helicopter parents. Do they even know the rush and reward of walking to get candy, blowing your allowance all in one place and finding that perfect treat for the walk home? Probably not, but that doesn’t mean us kidults can’t reminisce. Here were some of my favourites:

Double Bubble

I remember the odd time when the Sip Household would have one of those big tubs of Double Bubble chewing gum. Once, I had so many back-to-back pieces of the gum – hell, we were making gum sandwiches and burritos with the stuff – that I got a massive headache from all the chewing. This was the first of many brain injuries (as I’m sure you can tell) and led to a placement on the injured reserve list for months. Yeah, that last joke was about as funny as the comics they packaged with the gum!

Shockers

God bless the Wonka candy company (makers of Nerds, Runts, Gobstoppers, etc.), which capitalized on the popularity of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (book and movie). Shockers can certainly be credited for every cavity that has ever been filled in my mouth. These extremely sour, but fun to chew candies never lasted long around The Sip Advisor headquarters. Each of the five Shockers flavours – sour green apple, blue raspberry, grape, orange and cherry – tasted great, which often can’t be said for candy packs. There’s usually one slacker flavour that doesn’t pull its own weight, but not with this treat.

Pixy Stix

Man, kids are stupid. I remember acting like Pixy Stix were some kind of drug. Myself and friends would shoot a bunch of sticks before a hockey game and we were probably sugar buzzing so high that we’d come out, have a couple good shifts, and then crash hard. If the small “snack size” sugar packets weren’t enough, you had to upgrade your dose to those massive two-foot long tubes and before you knew it, you were a junkie.

Jelly Tots

When I decided to put together a candy table for my wedding last summer, I started to gather some favourite treats from past and present. When I found a package of Jelly Tots, I was instantly reminded of how much I enjoyed them in my youth. It had been a while since I’d had any, my need for candy replaced by liquor desires in my teens. The candy table was a hit, a highlight of the wedding, I dare say. Well, it was largely demolished by the time I and the rest of the wedding party returned from our photo excursion. I still managed to get some Jelly Tots, though!

Bottle Caps

What today’s drink is all about! The only thing that sucks about Bottle Caps candy are the grape-flavoured ones, which taste worse than most cough medicines. And it always seems like there are a disproportionate amount of those terrible death-tasting grape candies in each box. Give me more of the Cherry, Root Beer, Orange Crush and Cola pieces and sub out the grape candies for a lemon-lime soda tablet. Hell, throw in a Red Bull flavor… anything but yucky grape.

Drink #80: Bottle Cap

1 oz Root Beer Schnapps
1 oz Raspberry Liqueur
Splash of Sweet & Sour Mix
Top with Cola
Garnish with Sour Soother

Thankfully, I still get a weekly stipend from Mrs. Sip, specifically for penny candy. It was part of our prenuptial agreement and I’m thankful every day that I had that written in. You can’t see me!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
This drink tastes exactly like a Bottle Cap candy. It’s not very heavy on liquor, which can sometimes be a nice change of pace. I wish I could have garnished the drink with an actual Bottle Cap, but it was made impromptu, so I settled for a yummy Sour Soother. C’est la vie!

March 17 – Irish Car Bomb

Posted on March 17, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Luck of the Irish

Today we celebrate St. Patrick’s Day here at Sip Advisor headquarters. What better way to do so than follow a little bit of Irish wisdom (aside from drinking a lot of Irish beer of course)?

The Irish are full of great sayings and that’s one of the many endearing qualities we love about them. Being drunken fighters is another high value trait for the Leprechaun people, as well. In fact, what I just said will probably get me into one of those drunken fights… BRING IT ON!

“Who gossips with you will gossip of you.”

What a great piece of advice! I talk behind people’s backs all the time… but it’s only because I like to whisper in their ears and surprise them!

“Beware of people who dislike cats.”

Regular readers know that The Sip Advisor is a huge backer of felines. I’m also a staunch supporter of the Irish, so I’m very happy to see that they feel the same way I do about kitties. If only we could all share some drinks together without it being labeled animal abuse… and I’m talking about drinking with the Irish!

“A good laugh and a long sleep are the two best cures.”

And the third best cure is a thorough round of boozing…

“Better fifty enemies outside the house than one within.”

I’m not sure about this one. Simple arithmetic shows that one is much less than 50. Plus, if they’re already inside, then you know their whereabouts when you want to bash them with a shillelagh!

“Here’s to our wives and girlfriends. May they never meet.”

I don’t think I could ever lead a double life. I’m already such a burden in my original existence, two of me would just be torture.

“Don’t give cherries to pigs or advice to fools.”

I hate giving advice. I find, more often than not, that when someone solicits your guidance on a subject, they don’t even do what you tell them. I now charge for my counsel (much like a lawyer would) and that will hopefully result in good returns for me, regardless of how errant my advice turns out to be.

“God invented whiskey to keep the Irish from ruling the world.”

While this may be true, it assumes that the Irish have any interest in ruling the world.

“It is often that a person’s mouth broke his nose.”

It is so nice to see mouthpieces get their comeuppance every now and again. You know, those loudmouths (blog writers!) who spout off to anyone in his proximity until finally someone takes issue with what he is saying and makes him eat some teeth. It’s especially memorable when it’s a little guy taking down a big dude.

“Dance as if no one’s watching, sing as if no one’s listening, and live everyday as if it were your last.”

Aside from the fact that this quote is most commonly quoted by high school girls, dancing and singing are two or The Sip Advisor’s worst performing arts. How about we play sports like there’s no one in the audience (my regular beer league hockey experience) and we drink like bottles are infinite. I know the Irish are down with that.

“A best friend is like a four leaf clover: hard to find and lucky to have.”

Amen to this statement. You only have so many good friends throughout your life. Now let’s all share a drink to commemorate how lucky we are that we found each other!

Drink #76: Irish Car Bomb

0.75 oz Bailey’s Irish Crème
0.75 oz Jameson Irish Whiskey
1 Guinness Beer

I’d like to close today’s post with my own Irish blessing: May your beers of green be wonderful on this holiest of days and may you wake up tomorrow ready to go again!

Happy St. Paddy’s Day!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
While slamming drinks down might not be for everyone, I do like the Irish Car Bomb. And really, you have to drink this one fast or else the Irish Crème will curdle and you won’t be having very much fun at all.

March 15 – Bloodsucker

Posted on March 15, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Parasitic Activity

By nature, we are all parasites. The following entries are groups, people and products that I have chosen to leech onto. I’m not proud of it (just kidding, I actually am), but it’s time to clear my sins and admit what I am.

The Lovely Mrs.Sip

This little lady does a lot for me and, by extension, for Sip Nation. While I won’t go into details, pumping her tires any more than necessary, let me tell you that this wonderful site wouldn’t exist if not for her help. If I wasn’t already in love with Sweet Lady Liquor (more on her below), Mrs. Sip would have 100% of my heart!

Global Potato Chip Cartel

This one is more of a symbiotic relationship. The Cartel provides me with wicked delicious snack treats and in return, I give them money to procure more potatoes and make more chippies and the wheel goes round and round. If it was legal to do so, I would bathe in potato chips. On second thought, that could be dangerous with all the rippled edges against my silky smooth skin. Maybe I’ll just continue to eat them en masse.

That’s right, distract her with chips and bubbly and get that dress off!

Public Broadcasting

You know when you hear the slogan: “This program has been made possible by viewers like you!”… they’re not talking about me. All I do is mooch off of public TV and never give them a dime in return. I’ll happily sit through their half-hour long ads and telethon drives without flinching. I have this innate ability to shut my brain off when people are in need. It’s my gift. Mrs. Sip says I live most my life with my brain shut off, but I’m only faking it around her!

Peanut Butter & Jelly Conspiracy

The Mayans predicted that the mixing of peanut butter and jelly would eventually lead to the end of days. I have taken this train of thought and turned it into a marketing opportunity, dubbing my sandwiches “The Most Dangerous Lunch in the World!” Daredevil foodies will eat anything if they think the risk-reward is worth it and I’ve made a nice profit on the scheme.

Major League Baseball

Oh, such an easy comedic target. I take and I take and I take all I can from this organization. How about the guys who can’t play because they have a blister? Really!?!? You can’t take the field to play a kid’s game where you’re dressed in pajamas and stand around for most of the outing? How about the guys who fall asleep in their team’s dugout in the middle of the game? Yeah, I think we all find it pretty boring, but good job selling the sport.

Sweet Lady Liquor

Oh, my beautiful muse… I have suckled your sweet nectar too many times to count… and I have no plans to stop (after all, we still have about 300 drinks to go in the drink-per-day challenge)!

Drink #74: Bloodsucker

Rim glass with Raspberry Jam
1.5 oz Absinthe
Top with Wildberry Juice

The raspberry jam gives the rim a blood look, which is kind of neat, and was my own personal idea for the cocktail. It befuddles me that I am THAT awesome!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (2.5 Sips out of 5):
While the Raspberry Jam rim turned out pretty good, the drink itself was disappointing, in my opinion. I’m not sure if that was because I was using Wildberry Juice for the very first time, or if that’s a result of the ever-bitter Absinthe.

March 14 – Monkey Gland

Posted on March 14, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Monkeying Around

You may not have noticed by now, but I kind of love monkeys. Along with kittens and potato chips, monkeys have made frequent guest appearances in blog posts. Even after a group of monkeys assaulted me and viciously violated me while on vacation in Indonesia, I still have a massive respect for the creatures. After all, I was guilty of holding a bag of peanuts that they wanted (that’s right elephants, peanuts are not just for you!). Thank god I had a little Indonesian woman to protect me by shooing them away with her sandal. I beg forgiveness my simian friends. Without further ado, are some of my favourite primates:

George – Curious George

You’d think with all the trouble George gets into that the Man in the Yellow Hat would send the little guy packing. And what was up with that Man in the Yellow Hat anyways? Doesn’t he realize how ridiculous he looks? Looks like a freakin’ banana if you ask me (and I know you do). No wonder Curious George was so troublesome, it was probably the result of slow psychotic breakdown from having to live with a giant talking banana. Curious George should just try to eat him sometime.

Abu – Aladdin

I often dress my kitty sidekick, Furious B, in Abu’s trademark fez hat and vest. It may result in numerous scratches and one pissed off pussy, but it’s worth it for the half second I can see him clothed before he runs and hides behind the couch and pees on my DVDs.

Mr. Teeny – The Simpsons

The roller-skating, cigar-smoking chimp and sidekick to Krusty the Clown, has lived a life few monkeys have the opportunity to. It is one of celebrity, which comes with good and bad. Hell, I’d be Krusty’s subordinate if it meant an increase in pay and getting to wear a bowtie… even if Krusty has plans to take one of Teeny’s lungs should he ever need a replacement.

Evil Monkey – Family Guy

We later learn that this monkey isn’t so evil after all. He’s actually a nice, mild-mannered being who was just down on his luck (his monkey wife had cheated on him) and found a home in Chris Griffin’s closet. If my wife cheated on me with a monkey, I’d just be crossing my fingers that it turned into a threesome.

Donkey Kong

Originally a villain, Donkey Kong worked his way into the hearts of gamers by barrel blasting and enemy bopping his way through King K. Rool’s gang of baddies. It turns out he just wants his god damn bananas back. Poor guy has to deal with a serious potassium deficiency!

King Louie – Jungle Book and Tale Spin

This orangutan sure knows how to party. His joint is always swinging with song and merriment, especially when he and best friend Baloo were given new life in the 90’s cartoon Tale Spin. In that series, he became the owner of Louie’s Place, a tropical bar, which this Sip Advisor aspires to one day track down and go to work there.

Monkey Talents

Whether it’s the air duct-invading monkey (Community), the cigarette-smoking, drug-dealing monkey (The Hangover 2), the skeleton monkey (Pirates of the Caribbean) or any other simian performer, they’re all good in my books.

Phonics Monkey – South Park

Oh my god, he killed Kenny… you bastard!

Drink #73: Monkey Gland

1.5 oz Gin (I used Beefeater)
0.5 oz Absinthe
Top with Orange Juice
Dash of Grenadine
Garnish with Orange Zest

Monkeys and their distant relatives are awesome… there’s even a gorilla in San Francisco that has a thing for breasts. And yet some people still don’t believe in evolution! Let’s not forget the Ikea Monkey (now somehow available on Twitter), whose winter coat made us all melt.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
I’d love to know why this drink is called Monkey Gland. Regardless, the cocktail was decent and one in which I actually enjoyed Orange Juice. I like how the Orange Twist came across too, as it looks more like a Blood Orange, when it wasn’t.

March 12 – Sepultura

Posted on March 12, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Grave Diggin’

In Portuguese, Sepultura means grave. And while this drink may eventually send you there, you still have time to figure out what will be written on your headstone. Here’s some things to consider:

Do you want to be remembered for your legacy?

“That’s All Folks!”
The Man of a Thousand Voices

Mel Blanc (voice of numerous Looney Tunes characters)

“The Entertainer”
He Did It All

Sammy Davis, Jr. (triple threat: actor, singer, comedian)

Do you want to tell your story?

Truth and History.
21 Men.
The Boy Bandit King–
He Died As He Lived

William H. Bonney “Billy the Kid” (legendary outlaw)

Are you hoping to deliver a lasting message?

…that nothing’s so sacred as honor and nothing’s so loyal as love

Wyatt Earp (old west lawman)

Workers of all lands unite.
The philosophers have only
interpreted the world in various ways;
the point is to change it.

Karl Marx (Communist manifestonian)

“Tomorrow is the most important thing in life.
Comes into us at midnight very clean.
It’s perfect when it arrives and it puts itself in our hands
It hopes we’ve learned something from yesterday”

John Wayne (cowboy)

Why not crack a joke on your way out?

There goes the neighborhood

Rodney Dangerfield (comedian)

Jack Lemmon
in

Jack Lemmon (actor)

“I will not be right back after this message.”

Merv Griffin (talk show host/game show creator)

“I’m a writer, but then nobody’s perfect.”

Billy Wilder (movie icon)

Or, do you just want to get in the last word?

Quoth the Raven,
“Nevermore”

Edgar Allan Poe (writer)

After careful consideration, I’ve decided that my tombstone should read:

The Sip Advisor
He provided the world with endless joy
So we drink to him, eating Chips Ahoy
He was a legend, a stud, never rude
To sum up: he was one good dude!

Of course, if you have to pay per letter, I’m cool with it simply saying “C U”. Ah hell, I want to be cremated anyway, with my ashes to be sprinkled in a distillery, so I can be with my loved ones forever. Or at least until they sweep up around the place.

Drink #71: Sepultura

0.75 oz Absinthe
0.75 oz Fireball Whiskey (or Cinnamon Schnapps)
1 Beer (I used Rickard’s Red)

Take the two liquors and put them into a shot glass, drop the shooter into the beer and voila, you have a liquid grave to drown your sorrows in. Only happiness is allowed around here!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
I used a frozen shot glass for this dropped shot cocktail, which eliminated much of the mess and clean up when the drink was done. I would like to try this recipe with other beers and see which one works best.

March 11 – Death in the Afternoon

Posted on March 11, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

The Green Fairy

Legend has it that Death in the Afternoon was Ernest Hemingway’s preferred absinthe cocktail. So, I decided to give the recipe a try and sure enough, I was transported into a hazy world of absinthe-induced imagery. The infamous Green Fairy was my guide and like Dorothy Gale, I was no longer in Kansas.

It all started with the harsh ringing of an alarm. Was I in danger? My eyes slowly popped open and I realized for the first time that I was in bed… with Adam West (TV’s Batman) standing over me. He explained that the time had come for me to begin my hero life… that dark forces were gathering and that my help would soon be needed to save the world. My first instinct was to go back to bed, but West picked me up by the scruff of my neck (apparently I’m a puppy in this hallucination) and tossed me from the comfort of my blankies.

I could wake up to this, any day!

I followed him into a large boardroom where a buffet breakfast of all my favourites was being served. There was a make-your-own potato chip platter station, prime rib burgers on a nearby barbecue, and a full service bar. I ordered a Death in the Afternoon for some reason… as if I needed delusional Sip Advisor to go into a delirious state, thus enacting some form of inception.

In the boardroom were all my heroes from childhood: Cookie Monster, 1960’s Batman (Adam West had changed during the opening credits – yes, my fantasy had credits, all set to Queen’s ‘We Will Rock You’, naturally) and Robin, Vancouver Canucks legend Trevor Linden, Willy Wonka, Optimus Prime, the professor and Mary Ann, all here on Sip Advisor’s Isle.

Morgan Freeman narrated the entire meeting, where it was revealed that all the baddies in fictional history had pooled their resources in a last ditch attempt to take over the world. I was summoned to defend the planet Inebriatopia, as I had the most experience there.

Upon being teleported to the land, I was immediately attacked by Ben Stiller and his Globo-Gym thugs. As they hurled dodge balls at my precious face, I dodged, ducked, dipped, dived and dodged, but the onslaught kept coming. That is, until Dikembe Mutombo came to my rescue, smacking down every ball thrown our way.

Sure, Mutombo should have been ruled out, according to Rule 9(a) of the Dodgeball Handbook, but this was life or death and I was happy to have the giant on my side. When we were ready, Mutombo and I returned fire of all the balls, one by one eliminating Stiller and his goons. As we celebrated, Mutombo was hit in the face by a ball meant for me. He crumpled to the ground and I tearfully said goodbye to my new friend. The question remained: who had thrown the ball.

After an 18-month investigation headed up by Lt. Columbo, Perry Mason, Matlock and myself, we were informed that the good guys had won and our services were no longer needed. Before snapping out of my delirious state, Mutombo’s assassin was revealed to me by an informant. I bet you’re wondering who it was. Well, I’ll never tell. Or you could scroll down after today’s drink and find the answer…

Drink #70: Death in the Afternoon

1 oz Absinthe
Top with Champagne
Garnish with a lemon wedge

The man who balled (sounds kind of dirty) my good friend Dikembe Mutombo was none other than (spoiler alert)… New World Order Hulk Hogan, complete with air guitar, leather weightlifting belt, and black spray paint. Damn you Hogan, damn you!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
Ernest Hemingway’s favourite drink was a decent treat. It’s a pretty simple recipe and my favourite element of it was probably the Lemon Juice, as it added a sweetness to the bitter Absinthe and Champagne.

March 7 – Loopy Lemonade

Posted on March 7, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Cereal Killer

Today is Cereal Day… which I guess really means that literally anything can have its own day of recognition. Therefore I am in discussions to make September 22nd, your Sip Advisor’s birthday, National Sip Appreciation Day. We’ll have carnival rides and balloons and all that other good shit. Will there be drinks, you ask? Oh, you better believe there will be drinks! We’re all going to get hooched and Cookie Monster crazy! Anyway, that’s months away. Today we look at my favourite cereals from past, present and future.

Cookie Crisp

Speaking of Cookie Monster, it has been well-documented that I too am a monster of cookies. So what better way to get one of my manly daily doses of cookies than as part of a not-so-balanced breakfast. This cereal was tits and although it could only be found across the border in the United States (no surprise there), Mama Sip grabbed it on a few shopping trips so us Canadian kids could enjoy the experience, too.

Reese Puffs

What could be better than a cookie-based cereal? Oh, I don’t know… how about a breakfast constructed from Reese Peanut Butter Cups!? Mmmm, Reese Witherspoon’s peanut butter cups… why does my mind always go there. Back to the cereal… great, now I’m drooling. Screw it, let’s move on to the next entry.

Trix

Trix are for kids… and me. Another cereal that was hard to find in Canada, but at hotels that offered continental breakfasts in the US, you could often find a mini box of this fruit-flavoured treat. Froot Loops were, of course, easier to find in these here parts, which while also being a solid cereal choice, just wasn’t exactly up to par with its rabbit-mascotted counterpart. Plus, I hate birds so much that Toucan Sam always pissed me off.

Golden Grahams/Cinnamon Toast Crunch

On their own: reliable, hardworking, heart on their sleeves, character cereals (okay, so I described them like you would a fourth line hockey player, what of it?). Together, a magical union of honey and cinnamon sugar, graham crackers and toast. I have often experimented with other crossbreeds, but this is by far one of the best. Give it a try sometime and let me know how awesome it was!

Raisin Bran

I know what you’re thinking… Sip Advisor and Raisin Bran don’t seem to be a good fit. I assure you, my little sippers, that the pairing shocks me, as well. I have to say though, I love getting my two scoops of raisins on and I can’t really complain about the internal scrub brush that is fibre either.

Now let’s wash down this cereal with today’s cereal flavoured vodka cocktail!

Drink #66: Loopy Lemonade

1.5 oz Three Olives Loopy Vodka
Muddle Blackberries and Mint Leaves
Top with Lemonade
Garnish with Blackberry and Froot Loops

You know, they just don’t make cereals like they used to. Back in the day, cereal was a major marketing item for kid’s shows and such. Everything from Star Wars (C-3PO’s) to Gremlins had its own brand of breakfast product. I guess all the crap about childhood obesity nowadays has limited these campaigns. Maybe if fatty got up off the couch and played outside a little, we could see the return of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cereal, among many other childhood memories (like the one below).

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I liked the combination of muddled Blackberries and Mint. The Loopy Vodka is a great tasting libation that has many citrus notes and reminds me of Triple Secs and Curacaos.

March 6 – Skinny Miami (The Drink)

Posted on March 6, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

A-MUSE Me

Inspiration can come in many forms. After all, Walt Disney conceived the idea for Disneyland while watching his daughters play at a Southern California playground and realizing that there weren’t many places that offered entertainment both kids and adults could enjoy together.

For a pseudo-bartender (I only play one on TV), original drink ideas can come from a wide array of avenues.

While perusing Facebook recently, a friend’s status recollected her enjoying a “Skinny Miami” while eating waffles on a hot summer day on her balcony (yes, it actually gets warm in Canada… we’re not all igloos and polar bears). Instinctively, I concluded that this must be some sort of cocktail I hadn’t heard of. After all, the comment thread was started by her kindly promoting this site (which everyone out there should be doing daily!). Being the Sip Advisor that I am, I inquired about the recipe and showcased my enthusiasm to try this new treat, hoping to share it with all of Sip Nation.

The response I received wasn’t exactly what I expected. As other mutual friends made jokes about my comment (as they were in the know) and even Mrs. Sip took a shot at me, saying we’d talk when she got home, the friend in question private messaged me, explaining that her version of a Skinny Miami, was in fact code for the thin guy from Miami she had dated last summer (okay, maybe what they were doing wasn’t exactly dating per se).

Let me tell you, my little sippers, there isn’t much that embarrasses this old dog anymore, but here I was, basically inquiring about drinking… a dude. Boy was my face red… well, more of an auburn-magenta combo.

I guess, in the end, I wasn’t far off in my assumption that a Skinny Miami was a COCKtail. And the two can have similar effects: loss of inhibition, flushed appearance, short attention span, increased self-confidence, decreased anxiety, blurred vision and all that other good stuff.

On the plus side, this gaffe of mine provided the impetus to come up with a pretty cool drink recipe that was recently tried out and results have so far come back in the positive side of the ledger.

So, if you’re anything like me, don’t be afraid to make silly mistakes. Hell, most great inventions are stumbled upon accidentally. You never know when you’ll come up with your next great idea!

Drink #65: Skinny Miami – The Drink (A Sip Advisor Original Recipe)

Rim glass with Sugar
1 oz Malibu Rum
Top with Champagne
Dash of Grenadine
Add Coconut Shavings (optional)

As you can see, this drink is served in a long skinny glass (at least six inches tall is preferable or so I’m told), and has a nice warm peachy colour (or flesh-like tone). And as for the white sugar around the rim… a reference to cocaine, clearly. After all, it’s Miami and I’m a huge Don Johnson fan!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
This drink actually came together pretty well. I liked how the Grenadine sank to the bottom and gave the cocktail a distinct split mixture look. The Sugar rim was also a nice visual touch, as were the Coconut Shavings at the top of the liquid.

March 5 – Caribbean Buck

Posted on March 5, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Cocktail Party

Admittedly, prior to last night, I’ve never seen the 1988 Tom Cruise “classic”, Cocktail. However, as a harbinger of liquor knowledge, I pushed my way through this cinematic masterpiece, for you, my little sippers. A heads up from the start, this entire post will be a spoiler alert, so if you don’t want to know what happens, stop reading at the end of the post. Really!?!? Would you be that pissed at me if I detailed a movie released 25 years ago? It’s not like I spoiled the ending to Wreck-It Ralph for you by writing that King Candy is revealed to be rogue video game character Turbo… oops… now I’ve gone and done it.

Anyway, on with the review:

Things get off to a roaring start as the Touchstone Pictures logo scrolls across the screen, distributor of some of my favourite films (Ernest Goes to Camp top among them) followed by neon light-themed credits and a typically wicked 80’s soundtrack.

Wow, it was even a Super Nintendo game… scary stuff!

Brian Flanagan (Tom Cruise) is back from army service… lucky to still have his legs intact (see Cruise’s work in Born on the Fourth of July). Flanagan and what I can only assume is a group of fellow Scientologists steal a cop car and chase down a bus heading for New York City, in order to get Flanagan onboard. Nowadays, this would be viewed as a terrorist threat, but it’s the 80’s, so who cares. Most of the people on the bus were probably coked up anyway.

After meeting with his uncle and complaining about having to pay $1 for a beer (god damn entitled celebrities), Flanagan is on the job hunt and is getting turned down everywhere… very similar to what Cruise experienced later in his career after going off the deep end with his Scientology beliefs and couch jumping exploits.

Flanagan’s Uncle Pat makes a comment that “If you want fun, you go play at the beach!” Could this be a reference to the famous beach volleyball scene in Top Gun, released two years earlier?

Despite working at his uncle’s bar previously, Flanagan doesn’t know how to make a Cuba Libre or a Martini when he finally lands a gig at a New York pub. Seriously!?!? You can’t make a friggin’ Cuba Libre? So, the concept of mixing rum with coke is foreign to you… good luck surviving the bar scene.

I’m sure this movie is largely responsible for “flair bartending“, which makes me very angry. Oh, great, you can twirl a bottle and spill half of the contents nowhere near a glass. Remember, little sippers, no drops wasted. That is a cardinal sin among Sip Nation.

Flanagan’s boss/co-bartender Doug Coughlin (Bryan Brown) is full of great witticism, proving once again, that everything you ever need to know can be learned in a bar. He takes Flanagan under his wing and the two grow close over liquor and flairing and drunk poetry and such. Flanagan seems like a fun guy to be around when drunk… I wonder if Tom Cruise would be the same?… I wonder if Scientologists are allowed to drink? In one scene, Coughlin takes a tumble down some subway stairs, which will likely remain the highlight of the movie for me, long after it’s finished.

The buddies move on to work at another bar called Cell Block, which looks kind of neat and you pray that their top selling drink is toilet wine. It is here that Flanagan delivers a wonderful speech about liquor that should be recited before every epic night out (click here).

Flanagan meets some promiscuous woman and they do the sex thing. During their passion, Flanagan takes a break to down his beer, which has given me a George Costanza-esque challenge for the next time Mrs. Sip and I are getting amorous!

While Flanagan didn’t jump on a couch after nailing this chick, his celebration was pretty close… a haunting foreshadow of things to come said the ghost of Christmas future.

After a falling out with Coughlin, Flanagan takes off to Jamaica, providing audiences with scenes of Tom Cruise in tight white pants and fluffy shirts. One scene even has him running in this get-up and I nearly snotted all over the place.

Flanagan meets Jordan Mooney (Elisabeth Shue) after rescuing her friend who has passed out from drinking champagne… typical loser lightweight… no wonder Jordan ditches her for the rest of their vacation to hang out with Flanagan, who seems to have all the time-off in the world all of a sudden.

At this point, the movie becomes an advertisement for Jamaican travel, leading to Flanagan and Jordan having a tryst in a secluded watering hole, complete with waterfall. They get naked together and throw their suits away, which surely floated downstream, leaving the two with an embarrassing trip back to the resort. This scene has surely since caused many copycat incidents of indecent exposure beneath a waterfall. The two also have sex on the beach (not the cocktail… although they may have had that, too), which I’ve never understood. I don’t really like beaches because of all the sand and wouldn’t having sex on one result in sandblasting a lot of very intimate areas!?

Anyway, as is usually the case in movies, Flanagan blows things with Jordan by sleeping with some rich woman to prove a point to Coughlin, who with his new rich wife, has somehow tracked down Flanagan in Jamaica, despite no communication between the two in years.

Everyone returns to New York where Flanagan is a kept man (living the dream!) by a jazzercising, relatively attractive, affluent lady, but he ruins this too. He tries to get back together with Jordan, who he learns actually comes from money (the total package, yo!) and is also pregnant with his baby. So, I guess the whole 80’s AIDS scare didn’t bug these kids enough to use protection when sleeping with a complete stranger in a foreign country (and a bar tender at that!). Perhaps they thought the sterile waters of Jamaica would wash away all those bodily fluids…

Flanagan and Coughlin make up, as Flanagan gives him a $500 bottle of cognac and finds out Coughlin isn’t doing well, having lost his lady’s fortune in the stock market. Coughlin later kills himself by slitting his throat with the bottle of cognac. A totally extreme way to go out, but I’m more saddened by the wasting of such high-end liquor. Despite drinking heavily and contemplating suicide, Coughlin still managed to write Flanagan a perfectly legible and coherent letter before offing himself. Nerves of steel, man.

The movie ends with Flanagan and Jordan getting back together, despite Jordan’s father’s disapproval. Flanagan then buys the bar he always dreamed of having and can now suddenly and somewhat inexplicably can afford, and is told that Jordan is pregnant with twins. Should a pregnant lady really be in a bar, anyway? Oh those 80s!

Drink #64: Caribbean Buck

Rim glass with Coconut Shavings
1.5 oz Malibu Rum
Dash of Lime Juice
Top with Ginger Ale
Garnish with Coconut Shavings

I made sure to enjoy this drink (many times) while watching the movie. Let me tell you, it definitely helped. The end result is that Flanagan largely lived my dream in this movie. He even gets to trash a douchebag artist’s piece of work and smack him around. Myself and Mrs. Sip now have plans to move to Jamaica, where I’ll open up my own bar and under-the-table money laundering service, while she can parade around the island half naked!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
The Lime Juice and Ginger Ale added a really nice bite to this cocktail, to go with the subtle, but tasty Malibu Rum. Throw some Coconut Shavings on top and things are looking up for this drink!

Sip Advisor

The Good, The Bad & The Bubbly

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