June 21 – Raspberry Mojito

Posted on June 21, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Summer Gift Guide

On this, the first glorious day of summer, I’ve compiled a gift guide inspired by products to keep you and your cocktails cool this season, along with other items that will surely keep the good times rolling until fall rolls around and sadly shuts down pool and barbecues once again. Don’t miss out on these wonderful items, as summer is only so long…

Margaritaville Blender – $199.99

Mrs. Sip and I received one of these as a wedding gift last year and we’ve since had a bunch of fun coming up with different iced concoctions to be enjoyed poolside and even by a roaring fire. It’s amazing how efficiently this machine crushes ice and then mixes it with whatever ingredients you’re throwing together. Be careful, though, because getting your measurements figured out can take a while and you may have to consume a number of strong drinks before you get it just right!

Beer Pong Ice Rack – $29.99

Beer Pong is a summer favourite at the Sip Advisor offices and this creative item purports to help keep your cups and beer cool during those games played at the peak of sun and heat. The rack also helps keep your cups in place, stopping them from sliding around or being blown over by wind. Let the games begin!

Ice Balls – $9.99

Ice in ball form is said to melt at a slower pace, allowing you to enjoy your drink for longer periods of time before it becomes watered down. This item is near the top of my personal wish list (hint, hint, Mrs. Sip!).

Corkcicle – $24.95 / Vinoice – $28.00

Put these freezable products into your wine bottle and let them do their work, quickly chilling your libation of choice to the perfect temperature.

Chillsner – $29.95

This is the beer version of the above products. Like the corkcicle, I think chillsner is an awesome name for a beer cooler and only wish I had come up with it, myself!

Wine Pearls $25.00

Similar to whiskey stones, these pearls can be dropped in a glass of wine to keep your vino cool. Just be careful not to swallow the gel pockets.

Deluxe Chill It Wine Cooler $12.95

We all care deeply for our alcohol and with this product you can nurse a warm bottle of wine to a chilled state and keep it at a perfect temperature for serving. Heck, even inanimate objects must like a good blanket every now and again!

Cool Breather – $50.00 / Instant Wine Chiller – $39.95

Both of these items are said to aerate and chill your wine at the same time. They may be a little more pricey than other items, but if they work as well as advertised, the money may be worth getting to your wine even quicker.

Molecular Mixology Kit: Mojito Set – $30.00

This set intrigues me. I love my Mojitos and am curious to experiment with them further. I still don’t fully understand what this set exactly entails, but I will summon my lawyers to read all the details. The reviews are very positive, so it might be worth the small investment, when the kit purports to allowing the making of 300 drinks with its enclosed ingredients.

Cool Shooters Ice Shot Glasses – $9.95

I was given molds to make frozen shot glasses a couple years ago by Mrs. Sip’s aunt. They’re easy to make and extract from their encasement and are a lot of fun for summer shooters. I particularly like using this technique for drop shots because you don’t risk breaking a glass within your drink and there’s no mess to clean up afterwards.

Beer Bell – $8.89

While I have rarely found myself in the position of being served cocktails, it would be nice if one day this summer Mrs. Sip puts on her best (and skimpiest) serving outfit and rushes around getting me drinks and snacks. This little bell will help do the trick as we celebrate Sip Advisor Appreciation Day!

Sunset Wine Tote – $33.99

Perfect for picnics and other outdoor activities, for efficient packing and enjoyment of wine and other libations. The set includes two glasses, a corkscrew/bottle opener, and checkered napkins. Sadly, the wine is sold separately!

Inflatable Pool Bar – $40.00

Perfect for the Sip Advisor summer retreat, just blow this bar up, fill with ice and drinks and let it float around the pool until empty… which knowing my crew, won’t take very long at all. The cup holders are a bonus addition to the whole set up, helping to keep your cocktail out of the water.

GoBar Portable High Top Bar – $99.99

Going on the road and want to bring your bar skills and collection with you? Pick up this gem and you can be a travelling libation slinger. You’ll be the talk of the town and a hit among all your friends, family and acquaintances. Best yet, you’ll get to live life as if you are the Sip Advisor, adored and beloved by legions of fans!

Remote Controlled Rolling Beverage Cooler – $79.95

The only thing stopping me from immediately picking up this item is that the chances of it being driven straight into Ma and Pa Sip’s pool are way too high (and tempting!). Still, it would be nice to not have to get off my ass to pass Mrs. Sip her drink or anything else. Then again, when I do get up, I usually multitask and get into some trouble, splashing her with water or stealing her book.

Drink #172: Raspberry Mojito

Muddled Mint, Raspberries and Lime Wedges
1.5 oz White Rum (I used Bacardi)
Top with Club Soda or Lemon-Lime Soda
Garnish with a Lime Wheel and Raspberry

As we all know, it can get pretty hot during the summer and nothing beats the heat like a nice cold beer, glass of wine, or cocktail. I hope this gift guide will help all my little sippers keep things cool. If you enjoyed this gift guide, just wait until you see the Christmas version that will come out sometime in November. It’s the most wonderful time of the year!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (5 Sips out of 5):
This is the cocktail that put the Sip Advisor on the map, so you better believe it was getting a 5-Sip rating long before the mint, lime and raspberries were even muddled. I don’t hesitate for a second to announce to anyone who will listen that I make the best Mojitos they will ever taste. What a brilliant way to kick off the summer months!

June 20 – Screwdriver

Posted on June 20, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Tool Time

The screwdriver is one of the handiest tools known to man… and not just because of its alcoholic properties! Here are some other inventions that we just couldn’t live without:

Roomba

This little creation will travel across your home and vacuum your floors as it goes. It’s perfect for pet fur, dirt, and other small messes. Hell, the thing is probably (scratch that, IT IS) smarter than me. If can change directions after bumping into an object and detect falls, as well as dirty spots. On Parks and Recreation, Tom Haverford even attached an iPod dock to his Roomba, creating DJ Roomba, which throws down the sickest beats while working its way around your party.

Batteries

For everything from TV controllers to sex toys, batteries are an essential part of everyday life. Without them, we’d have to get off our asses to change the channel. One of the WORST things that can EVER happen to you is when batteries die on you. The worst for me was the Wii video game controller, which always seemed to go out while I was in the middle of a big boss battle. Oh, first world problems!

Pen

The pen is mightier than the sword (although the Game of Thrones folks would beg to differ) and as a scribe myself, I’ve felt great power when I wield the pen of destiny and begin etching my thoughts of intelligence. All us great philosophers feel a sense of omnipotence (that’s omnipotence, NOT impotence!) when writing. If only anybody would trust us enough to listen.

Chainsaws

If Leatherface has taught us anything, it’s that a chainsaw means business. Relied upon for everything from efficiently taking down a tree to terrorizing teenage travelers, the chainsaw must be loved and feared all at the same time. When you hear that engine revving, it’s probably wiser to run for safety rather than sticking around, hoping it’s just a lumberjack in the forest.

Perhaps I ran away much too quickly!

Umbrella

What I love about the umbrella is its dual-function ability. Yes, it can keep you dry on a wet, rainy day, but it can also double as a weapon. For example, I’ve found that swinging it at cars that cut you off in crosswalks might not be in the best interest of calming a situation, but it sure brings a smile to your face.

Toilet

Can you imagine life if we still had to use primitive things like holes in the ground and pots and pans to do our business!? And what would you do when you indulge in one too many of the Sip Advisor’s wonderful recipes? Thank you Mr. Toilet!

Drink #171: Screwdriver

Rim glass with Orange Sugar
Muddled Oranges
1.5 oz Vodka (I used Absolut Citron)
Top with Orange Juice
Garnish with Orange Slice

I’m just waiting for someone to chirp that I’m a valuable tool and while you would be 100% correct, let’s not start throwing stones in glass houses. Which tool have I missed? Let me know your favourite and we discuss at length why you’re wrong!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
A very simple cocktail that had to be done at some point during this 365-day cocktail project. It was delicious, as I spiced things up with Muddled Orange Wedges and Fruitopia Orange Groove (thanks McDoanlds!), instead of plain old OJ. The results were very respectable, making me think I might have a future in this business!

June 19 – Swashbuckler

Posted on June 19, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Let Your Freak Flag Fly

Pirates are pretty legendary customers. Just by listening to “A Pirate’s Life for Me,” we get an idea of what it was like during their time, even if it is Disney-fied. Sometimes a flag was all that was needed to terrorize anything from a ship to a settlement. Here are some of the most famous pirate flags from the golden age of swashbucklers:

Blackbeard

This is a pretty epic portrayal of a skeleton pirate king, complete with goblet (other sources say that it’s an hourglass, but I’d like to think it’s a rum goblet). Perhaps this could be an early depiction of cupid, as he is trying to put a spear through a heart. Apparently this signified that no mercy would be given to any captive. Blackbeard was some badass. Legend has it that he would put smoking fuses into his hair and beard to make himself look demonic and strike fear into those he wished to attack.

Black Bart 1

Bart’s first flag showed that time was running out for his victims with the pirate and skeleton both hanging onto an hourglass (again, I like to believe it’s a goblet fit for all the booze a pirate can handle). Bart captured approximately 400 ships in his three-year career as a pirate, which is a long tenure during those times.

Black Bart 2

This one has Bart standing on top of the heads of captains from his two least favourite ports, Barbados and Martinique. The ABH stood for “A Barbadian’s Head”, while AMH was “A Martinico’s Head”. Bart treated seized ships and their captains and crew from these ports especially bad because their colonial governments were always after him.

Calico Jack

This is the pirate flag that most of us recognize, thanks to its popularity in modern media. Ironically, Jack wasn’t a very successful pirate captain, but he is remembered for allowing women to join his ship (although the harlots totally betrayed him) and, of course, for this flag. The skull over crossed cutlasses has largely been recognized as the most common flag and now represents all pirates to some degree.

Henry Morgan

I had to include our good friend, Captain Morgan, whose rums have always been stocked at the Sip Advisor headquarters. Morgan used the classic “skull and crossbones” flag, but with the added twist of the skull wearing an eye patch. Why he did this, isn’t entirely clear. It’s not like he wore a similar patch and the skull was meant to depict himself. Morgan was so successful that he was able to retire from piracy and became Lieutenant Governor of Jamaica.

Drink #170: Swashbuckler

1.25 oz Tequila (I used 1800 Reposado)
0.75 oz Grand Marnier
2 oz Sweet & Sour Mix
Top with Fruit Punch
Garnish with Red and Green Grapes and Runts

If I had ever been granted the luxury of being a pirate, my flag would have depicted a bottle of rum being poured into the open mouth of a smiling skull as the skeleton was giving a thumbs up gesture. Damn, I would have been one rockin’ buccaneer!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I’ve been wanting to play with Fruit Punch for some time now and I’m glad I finally had the opportunity. It’s a hell of a mixer, tasting so good and refreshing… perhaps my favourite of all the fruit juices. I’m a little surprised with a drink called Swashbuckler, that Tequila was the featured alcohol, over Rum, but whatevs.

June 18 – Paradise

Posted on June 18, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Paradise Found

Everyone has their own idea of paradise. Here’s mine:

Drinks

Let’s start with the easy stuff. There is a 24/7 all-inclusive open bar. All the best liquors from around the world are in full stock and the taps are filled with my favourite beers. Every garnish you can imagine is ready to be used and interesting glassware is in abundance.

Food & Snacks

All my favourites are served around the clock. We’ve even imported items from my preferred restaurants and room service is available at all hours of the day, with no extra charge. There is a bottomless (Mrs. Sip won’t be alone!) candy bar that is filled with all the finest chocolate, gummies, and sours the world over. Similarly, every chip flavor is represented with a fully-stocked chip bowl bar, where the motto is: “come for the salt, stay for the flavour!”

Wardrobe

It is illegal for Mrs. Sip to wear anything more than a bikini, including in the winter, although she is allowed to wear a robe then. Meanwhile, the weather is so perfect, that I spend my days in swimsuit and tank to show off my chiseled-out-of-rock body!

Music

Classic rock tunes are pumped into the atmosphere non-stop and only shut off for naps and sleepy time. Mrs. Sip is allowed the odd dance tune, but it has to be approved by my commission of music experts and it will cost her half her wardrobe.

Movies & TV

Only the best in adult animated comedy is broadcast in my paradise… okay, I’ll allow some other programming, but it will largely be comedy-based, with only a few dramatic shows sprinkled amongst the line-up schedule. Everything is, of course, viewed on a state-of-the-art projection screen in our theatre wing.

Activities

Aside from the open bar and buffet, there are a few essential setting elements I can’t forget. There is a lazy river that I can wind down every day, eventually finishing off with a dramatic raft waterslide and pool drop. There is also a hot tub where we can party and relax our tense muscles. Looking for evening entertainment? How about trying your luck at the casino or taking your lady on a date night to the fully-stocked games room or even 18-hole mini-golf course! Finally, what dreamland would be complete without one of these…

Exercise

In a perfect world, we would all look exactly how we wanted without having to put any effort into keeping fit and healthy. That said, all my favourite sports equipment is readily available, including an ice rink for hockey and a complete gym. Best of all, in this little world, you don’t get gross callouses on your hands that take forever to fully heal. Let’s not forget about the hardcore calorie-burning sexercise either!

Miscellaneous

There has to be some pets in this perfect world and that would definitely include kitties and puppies. Birds are shot on sight, if they somehow manage to make it past my crack security staff. I think that about sums it up. Ah, I love imagination!

Drink #169: Paradise

1.5 oz Gin (I used Tanqueray)
1 oz Apricot Brandy
Top with Orange Juice
Garnish with Apricot Slice

I guess, for the most part, I basically described a cruise where you largely stay in your room, eat and drink what you want and have a number of entertainment options at your fingertips. What would you include in your paradise? There are NO wrong answers… except for birds!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
Like all Orange Drink/Apricot Brandy concoctions, this reminds the palate of a Creamsicle. The addition of Gin makes it a little boozier than other recipes, but it tastes good. I subbed Orange Soda for Orange Juice because I wanted to try something different and OJ, I’m just not that into you!

June 17 – Mojave Green Rattlesnake

Posted on June 17, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Fear Factor

I am an ophidiophobe. There, I said it. The first step on the road to recovery is admitting what I am. In layman’s terms: much like Indiana Jones, Conan the Barbarian, Johnny Cash, Andre the Giant, Pee Wee Herman, and Bam Margera (among other legendary characters of my ilk!), The Sip Advisor has a deathly fear of snakes.

It could stem from a cousin chasing me around when we were younger with a Tung Lashor (He-man and the Masters of the Universe) action figure. This toy had a long darting tongue that could be launched by rolling a wheel on the villain’s back. I can still vividly see my pose-able nightmare.

Heh, you’re not so tough anymore, are ya… with your fruit roll-up tongue!

I was also a wrestling fan as a wee lad and watching Jake ‘The Snake’ Roberts bring his menagerie of serpents with him to the ring (and often use them on a fallen foe). This surely had some psychologically damaging effects on me… well, I guess no more so than the average wrestling maniac.

Over the years, I’ve tried to make peace with the slithering ones and it is on my bucket list to work up the courage to touch a live snake. That may be harder to do than I ever thought, as just going near the snake aquariums at any zoo give me the no-no feeling.

I wrote a psychology paper once, detailing my efforts to get over my fear. It included looking at pictures of snakes and watching snake movie and TV programs, working all the way up to going into a pet store and walking right up to the snake tanks without hurriedly and nervously speeding by. I got a decent grade on that paper, but I never actually went into the store. A good drinker knows that recovery can be faked!

Apparently actress Salma Hayek spent two months with therapists getting over her fear of snakes so she could take the part of Satanico Pandemonium in From Dusk Till Dawn. Director Robert Rodriguez tricked her into thinking that Madonna was about to sign on for the role, prompting Hayek to face her fears.

I’m a little surprised the snake is so limp!

All that said, I do have a fascination with the creatures, often watching movies and TV programs involving serpents. Although, I have to admit, when I am watching any of the Anaconda movies or the Austin Stevens: Snakemaster biography series, I’m careful to keep my feet off the ground, for fear that a snake is waiting under the couch, poised to attack me with its toxic venom.

After all, my boy Launchpad McQuack thought he was okay with snakes until one tried to eat him. All we need is for everyone to have an experience like this and we’ll all be on the same page, fighting a common enemy. Talk about world unity y’all.

Drink #168: Mojave Green Rattlesnake

1.5 oz 1800 Añejo Tequila
0.5 oz Melon Liqueur
Top with Sweet & Sour Mix
Garnish with Gummy Snakes

I much prefer my snakes shaken and stirred in a beverage, rather than slithering toward this sexy beast we know as The Sip Advisor. I’ve even mustered the courage to have eaten fried rattlesnake before. I know I’ve likely disappointed some of you, to let it be known that I, the ‘Slicker of Liquor’ do indeed fear something. A drink of this and living with yourself will be much easier.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (5 Sips out of 5):
This drink was originally on the schedule all the way back in April. I had this vision of garnishing the cocktail with a gummy snake, which seemed easy enough to achieve. And then it took two months for me to track one down. Ironically, on the same day I finally found one in a candy store in London, Ma Sip located one in Hawaii. As for the martini itself, the best part is the smoky aftertaste that comes from the Añejo Tequila, rounding out the flavours of the Melon Liqueur and Sweet & Sour Mix.

June 16 – Big Daddy

Posted on June 16, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Man Models

It’s Father’s Day and here at The Sip we salute all the male role models out there. I’d like to take this opportunity to send a special shout out to Papa Sip for his years of hockey and soccer coaching, allowance providing, driving in difficult weather conditions, pool maintenance, barbecue mastery, household upkeep, road trip navigation, and the list goes on and on and on!

Ron Swanson – Parks and Recreation

The Alpha Male of the Parks and Recreation crew, Ron Swanson is quick to look after all of his colleagues and is really a big, sweet teddy bear, despite his outward gruffness. In particular, he’s very handy with a set of tools and even hand-crafted Leslie Knope’s wedding ring, prior to an impromptu ceremony. Heck, he’s even not too bad with his recent ladyfriend’s two devilish little girls!

George Bailey – It’s a Wonderful Life

Minus the whole attempted suicide thing, George Bailey is an upstanding citizen, helping countless friends and family members, while at the same time sacrificing some of his own dreams and desires for his family. In the end, he’s shown that his existence is necessary and has improved so many lives around him. Plus an angel got his wings thanks to ol’ George.

Kermit the Frog – The Muppets

Kermit the Frog is pseudo father to the entire Muppet gang. He keeps them all in line and they have Kermit to thank for their pay check, living accommodations and lifestyle. Without him, as has been shown countless times, they’d be lost. Similar leaders of rag tag groups include Gordon Bombay of the Mighty Ducks teams and Alex Rieger in the Taxi garage.

Al Bundy – Married with Children

While not your typical father figure, Al Bundy would much prefer to spend his time watching TV, drinking beer, and going to the nudie bar, than take care of his offspring. However, Al will defend his kids to a fault and has been involved in countless altercations with the boyfriends of his daughter, Kelly, and people who wish to cause harm to his son, Bud.

Paul Hennessy – 8 Simple Rules

Poor Paul Hennessy had to look after the stunning Kaley Cuoco during her (very generous) formative years. No wonder John Ritter suffered a legit heart attack on the set of the show. The thought of all the guys lining up to date his teenage daughter must have taken its toll. I love John Ritter for everything he’s done, even forgiving him for the Problem Child movies and his appearance on Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Cliff Huxtable – The Cosby Show

Raising a household of countless children, coming and going, Cliff Huxtable imparted many lessons on the viewing audience and Bill Cosby still pushes for strong father figures in the African American community to this day. Some accuse The Cosby Show of being “too white” – hell, scholarly essays have even been written on either side of the argument. I still have much respect for the Jell-O man!

Homer Simpson – The Simpsons

Aside from his regular strangling of son Bart, inability to connect with daughters Lisa and Maggie, alcohol dependence, questionable intelligence, and the ever-present likelihood that he will lose his job… Homer Simpson is a wonderful father. Homer learned the tricks of the father trade from one of the best, Abe ‘Grandpa’ Simpson, who largely raised the big lug on his own after Homer’s mother was forced to go into hiding when he was young.

Red Forman – That 70’s Show

Red Forman’s gruff exterior and “dumbass” catchphrase masks a sweet inner core. He definitely has a weakness in wife Kitty, who seems to be able to get whatever she wants from her husband. Red even took in his son Eric’s friend, Steven Hyde, after his parents left him behind. Ah, the 70’s, what a wild and crazy time to be alive!

Drink #167: Big Daddy

0.5 oz Vodka
0.5 oz Rum (I used Appleton)
0.5 oz Tequila
0.5 oz Whiskey
Top with Lemon-Lime Soda
Garnish with a Lime Wedge

Please make sure to sit down and have a drink with your dad or the important male role models in your life today. If it’s this particular cocktail, you’ve earned yourself some bonus points! If physical distance doesn’t allow this to happen, do something else nice for the guy. You wouldn’t be here without him!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
When putting together this cocktail, I decided to go the “top shelf” route, using my new Beluga Vodka from Russia, Appleton Rum, El Jimador Tequila and Crown Royal Whiskey. The results were quite enjoyable and you could compare this drink to a Long Island Iced Tea, with a few altered ingredients. I thought it made the perfect salute to fathers everywhere!

June 15 – Carpet Licker

Posted on June 15, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Regionals

The world is littered with wonderful wine regions, where fans of the grape can pilgrimage to and get blasted winery-hopping style. While wine is far from my favourite libation, I do like to get travel wasted and visiting a winery provides some of the greatest surroundings for doing so. Here are some of the best stops to hit if you’re a connoisseur of reds and whites (and pinks, I suppose!):

Barossa Valley – Australia

This was a fun little wine tour Mrs. Sip and I did while visiting Adelaide, Australia. As good as the wine and scenery was, what I will always remember most from the tour was our picnic-style lunch, where the main course was barbecued kangaroo, marinated in red wine. I never thought kangaroo meat could be so delicious. I gorged myself on the delicacy, as well as the rest of the lunch, probably facilitated by the copious wine samples we had already enjoyed up to that point.

Okanagan Valley – British Columbia

Mrs. Sip just got back from visiting the Okanagan wine region on a stagette and if the 13 new bottles taking up space in my liquor racks is any indication, she had a good time and found some wines she really enjoyed. Heck, rumour has it Cousin Sip brought back 30 bottles of grape goodness after this 2 day trip!

Champagne/Beaujolais – France

Champagne was another wine excursion enjoyed by Mrs. Sip, minus your faithful Sip Advisor. How do I let her get away with this desertion!? While there, she sampled the wines and champagnes the region is renowned for. We were together for a brief stop in Beaujolais, where we climbed to the “Top of the World” and had a wine and picnic lunch before staying the night at a Beaujolais winery property.

Hood River – Oregon

On a weekend away with family, we hit a number of stops criss-crossing the Washington-Oregon border. We had a convoy of vehicles stopping at each business and it was fun to roll through a tasting with such a large, increasingly boisterous group. Our favourite stop was probably the Maryhill Winery, home to a summer concert series, and where guest can even hop into a tub and stomp some grapes.

Columbia Cascade – Washington

On yet another wine tour (damn, we go on a lot of these!), Mrs. Sip and I, along with Cousin Sip and her husband braved the oncoming winter to sample a number of wines in the Cascade area. The last stop of our tour was the Bavarian-themed town of Leavenworth, where the main drag houses many underground wine tasting options. Getting Mrs. Sip and Cousin Sip back on the bus was far from easy for us guys.

Napa Valley & Sonoma Valley – California

Over the years, I’ve enjoyed many California wines, but never had the chance to visit any of the winery regions the state is home to. While Mrs. Sip and I enjoyed a wonderful and quite memorable wine tasting in San Francisco (see Bay Breeze), we have never had the time to do a tour of the Napa or Sonoma Valleys. It is on our Bucket List to do together, we just need to be in the area for longing than a cruise port stop.

Santorini – Greece

The last stop as part of a tour exploring the island was visiting the Wine Museum of Santorini and Koutsoyannopoulos Winery. How do I remember such a crazy long Grecian name, you ask? Well, you see, Mrs. Sip has (or at least had) this little habit of “collecting” souvenirs from her travels. On this occasion, she wanted a glass from the little winery and to make a long story short, she got it!

Monticello – Virginia

While visiting Washington, D.C., our hosts took us out of the American capital to Virginia, specifically Monticello, where we had access to numerous wines and enjoyed a nice picnic lunch on the storied grounds of the winery surrounded by 19th century plantation ruins. Later, we ventured to the home of Thomas Jefferson, where unfortunately, no wine was served, which would have been a great tribute to the former president.

Drink #166: Carpet Licker

1 oz White Wine
0.5 oz Melon Liqueur (I used Watermelon Pucker)
0.5 oz Southern Comfort
0.5 oz Dr. Pepper
Top with Whipped Cream
Garnish with Sprinkles

I’m sure I’m missing some of the best wine regions, but I wanted to focus on areas we’ve actually visited or plan to visit in the very near future. Have any suggestions for a future getaway? Feel free to give us your best Lonely Planet review.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4.5 Sips out of 5):
I thought this shot tasted fantastic, especially with my substitution of Watermelon Pucker for Melon Liqueur… I just had a feeling. The presentation is spectacular which certainly justifies the high score. The shooter ingredients and measurements are enough for two servings, so share the love!

June 14 – Countdown Cocktail

Posted on June 14, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

3…2…1…

Life is full of countdowns of varying importance. Whether you’re waiting for your next vacation or the end of the world is rapidly approaching, we’re all watching time tick away to something. Here are some of the most infamous countdowns:

Y2K

Heading into the new millennium, concerns were raised over computer clocks rolling over to the new date, thus causing internal malfunctions. Some people feared that this would cause computer systems across the world to fail, with results being as catastrophic as nuclear missiles being launched and the planet destroying itself. In fact, in Onagawa, Japan, an alarm at a nuclear power plant sounded two minutes after midnight, but luckily it was a false alarm. Worst yet, 150 slot machines in Delaware stopped working, causing hardcore gamblers to declare martial law.

Year 10,000 Problem

If we even make it there, there are already fears that an issue similar to Y2K will haunt us again in the year 10,000. I’m not too concerned, as clearly they haven’t taken the time to come up with a clever name for the event like they did for Y2K, which shows they’re not all that worried about something that may occur 8,000 years from now. Besides, I don’t even know if my lineage will continue past myself, let alone eight millennia from now.

Popular Culture

Lists are used by everyone nowadays. Hell, it’s largely what I do here at The Sip Advisor, on a daily basis… but I’m one of the few who does it with class and dignity! While some lists are awesome (again, like the ones featured on this site), others are utterly useless. Don’t even get me started on music video countdowns. Those are so horrible it makes me want to throw a record player through my TV screen and eliminate all possible audible nightmares.

New Year’s Eve

Every year, people are given the chance to reboot, start fresh, and kiss some random stranger in the name of celebration! As the Times Square ball and other imitators drop on the beginning of a new year, we are all given a chance to reflect on where we’ve come from and where we’re going. For some this can be a good experience and for others it can disappoint. Remember though, New Year’s brought about The Sip Advisor, so we should all be thankful!

Olympics

It has become tradition that the next city to host the Olympics constructs a big clock in one of its popular centres and then ticks away the days, hours, minutes and seconds until its time to shine and host the world arrives. Legend has it, that if these clocks pause at any time prior to the Games, the Olympics will be cancelled by the International Olympic Committee… that’s only a Sip Legend though.

2012 Apocalypse

According to Mayan predictions, the world was supposed to end on Dec. 21, 2012. Well, it didn’t. All it provided was a chance for zealous nutcases to form cults and for comedy shows to spoof the so-called “end of days”. The best part about living on the west coast (although there are many reasons) is that in all these time-based doomsday theories, we’ll be the last to be hit and can enjoy what’s left of our time while others kick the bucket.

Shuttle Launch

Space, the final frontier… The last thing astronauts hear before being launched into the wild abyss of space is the shuttle countdown that precipitates every launch. The rush that must go through these folk’s system would surely measure off the charts, as they experience something very few ever will. I hope affordable space travel eventually exists in my lifetime. I’d go searching for Alf, so we can chase cats together!

Final Countdown

The classic hit from the band Europe should definitely be mentioned in this post. Seriously, I challenge you to go have a listen and try not to get into it. This is a special favourite of all Arrested Development fans, thanks to the character J.O.B., who uses it as part of the magician routine.

Drink #165: Countdown Cocktail

Muddle Mint Leaves
2 oz Disaronno (or other Amaretto)
Splash of Red Wine
2 Tsp Sugar
Garnish with Sugar-coated Mint Leaf

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
I like recipes that involve Mint, but I wasn’t sure about how that element would work with Red Wine. Mrs. Sip, not being a fan of Amaretto and preferring wine cocktails to heavily feature the Wine itself, was not a fan of this drink, but I thought it wasn’t half bad. It’s true that the Disaronno makes its presence felt in this recipe, but I thought the Wine played a role, as well. The cocktail was more sweet than I would like, hence the point deductions.

June 13 – Cactus Berry

Posted on June 13, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Please Bring Me My Wine

A little quote from The Eagles hit “Hotel California” to get us diving head first into the wine week’s themed playlist. I never knew there were so many songs about chardonnays, merlots and pinot grigios. I should have known better!

Red, Red Wine – UB40

Goes to my head… by far, the best wine song in existence. The lyrics read like a true story, as we’ve all experienced the red wine buzz that makes the brain feel like it’s floating and only remains encased in our head by the strong structure of the skull. What a wonderful sensation indeed!

Spill the Wine – War

This song is pretty sweet and anytime the flute comes out, you know you’re in for a hell of an aural experience… I said aural, not the other one! The song has also been performed by The Isley Brothers, but I prefer the War version. It’s just a little more psychedelic, in my opinion.

Wine Take Me Away – Merle Haggard

Ol’ Merle takes us down a country road and into wine country. This dude sang a bunch of songs about the grapes, but this has to be one of his better tunes. Like many people, Merle considers wine a friend of his and I can’t really blame him.

Strawberry Wine – Deana Carter

In the interest of full disclosure, I have to admit that I muted this song shortly after it started and just watched the beautiful Miss Carter. Hey, I don’t get paid for this, so I have to enjoy the perks when they come my way! The song isn’t that bad, though, hitting number one on the country billboard charts in 1996. You have to love the title of her debut CD, “Did I Shave My Legs for This”!

Hey, Brother, Pour the Wine – Dean Martin

This Deano song is a pretty good tune. No surprise there, the Rat Pack members are total legends in the singing, entertaining and drinking communities. Marge Simpson also sings the song in one of the earliest episodes of the show after getting drunk at Homer’s company picnic.

Drink #164: Cactus Berry

Rim glass with Salt
1.25 oz Tequila (I used El Jimador)
1.25 oz Red Wine
1 oz Triple Sec
Top with Sweet & Sour Mix
Splash of Lemon-Lime Soda
Dash of Lime Juice
Garnish with Lime Wheel

The one thing I don’t like about wine songs is that so many of them are slow and sad. I’m more of an upbeat and fast pace music fan, not wanting to get too moody or anything like that. Enjoy this selection of wine melodies the next time you crack a bottle or box open!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
This is like a Wine-based margarita and it’s a fun cocktail. The Red Wine cooperates very well with the Tequila and Triple Sec (among other ingredients) to make a solid drink. Mrs. Sip has asked for it again since. As for me, put a salt rim on most things and I’m a pretty happy fella.

June 12 – Sour Sex

Posted on June 12, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

It’s All in the Name

Some would say that today’s drink does not have a very appealing name. However, while a wine connoisseur I am not, I’ve noticed that wines and wineries in general have some very, let’s say “unique” trademarks. There can be some really clever names for wineries, and then there can be some god awful brands. Here are some of the best and worst out there:

Best:

Mischief and Mayhem (France)

This winery name perfectly describes what you’re likely to get up to after a bottle or two of its grapes. Throw in a brand like Naked Grape and hopefully that’s in your future as well! While I’m not a regular wine drinker, I have had a number of adventures start with a bottle of red or white (or even the occasional rosé when I’m feeling particularly crazy!) so thank you for that wine world!

Tex Zin (Texas)

I actually found this moniker on someone’s list of bad winery names and I don’t know what they were thinking. I think it’s pretty catchy in it’s relation to the term Tex Zin. I think Zinfandels are the asiest wine to play off of for a winery name. There’s also 7 Deadly Zins, Cardinal Zin, and Original Zin.

Moral Compass (California)

Every good drinker knows that the ‘moral compass’ theory is utter nonsense. With each drink, the compass gets more and more damaged and by the end of the first bottle you’ve either lost it or its readings are coming in completely jumbled. My moral compass has been missing for years, even after I tacked pictures of it to milk cartons around the world.

Mad Housewife (California)

The wine’s label reads: “Somewhere near the cool shadows of the laundry room. Past the litter box and between the plastic yard toys. This is your time. Time to enjoy the moment to yourself. A moment without the madness. The dishes can wait. Dinner be damned.” That about sums up the family experience and why I’m not necessarily looking forward to it. I won’t be reaching for wine in a situation like the one presented above. I’ll be slamming whiskey instead.

Screw Kappa Napa (California)

This is one fraternity or sorority that I would actually golf clap for. It is true that wine can make you sleepy, but there’s absolutely nothing wrong with getting afternoon drunk and having a brief cat nap before evening fun.

Stu Pedasso (California)

Say the name slowly and you’ll get the joke. There is some dispute over whether Stu actually exists and even if he does, whether this is his real name. If he does, I’d like to induct him into The Sip Advisor Hall of Fame. So, will the real stupid asshole please stand up? Ha, I didn’t say Sip Advisor says…

Worst:

Cat’s Pee on a Gooseberry Bush (New Zealand)

Is this supposed to describe the taste of the wine? The aroma? That’s just what we need in today’s world… a wine that smells like ammonia and tastes even worse. I’m pretty sure cats don’t even pee on gooseberry bushes anyway. Perhaps if it were called Cat’s Pee in a Litter Box, it would make more sense… and be even harder to swallow.

Booger Swamp (North Carolina)

This winery name gives me the mental image of a backwoods family flicking their nose gold into a swamp and then using a giant paddle to stir the mixture up before bottling the substance. So. Not. Right.

Clos de Pise (Italy)

Roughly translated, this winery name means “field of piss”. Again, is this an idea we want to relate to something we are about to ingest? Imagine this was part of the wine making process, to flood the field of grapes, much like cranberries are with water, only this time the H2O is substituted with…well you get my point. Would wine be nearly as possible if this were the case?

Frog’s Piss (France)

Continuing what now appears to be the very original theme of comparing wine to urine, we now have this lovely French Winery. Nothing beats a nice refreshing glass of… Frog’s Piss??? Do frogs even pee? There’s so much I still need to learn. It figures a culture that indulges in frog’s legs would find uses for other parts of the amphibian, including its bodily fluids!

Hair of the Dingo (Australia)

I’m sure this is meant to be similar to “hair of the dog”, both of which would be equally disgusting to drink. I will, however, take my morning after booze in the form of hard alcohol and not fermented grapes. Did we ever learn whether or not that dingo ate her baby?

White Trash White/Redneck Red (California)

I’m assuming that this wine is produced in a large oil drum – and an unwashed oil drum at that – by a group of rednecks who have grown tired of the risky moonshine business and have pledged to go legit with a winery. Sadly, their dreams will come to a crashing halt when Cousin Cletus realizes that they’ve been making moonshine all along and never came up with a new recipe.

Drink #163: Sour Sex

1.5 oz Whiskey
1 oz White Wine
Top with Lemon-Lime Soda
Splash of Lemon Juice
Garnish with Warheads Sour Twist

I’d be interested to know how many people will buy a wine solely based on its name. Then, I’d like to know how many of those people end up having a good experience and how many regret their purchase. These are the kinds of statistics we should be looking into, not wasting our time with childhood obesity and global warming!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (2.5 Sips out of 5):
I could only assume that sour sex would be disappointing, and this drink is much the same. There’s just something a little off with concoction. Whether it’s Whiskey not mixing well with White Wine, or Lemon Juice wreaking havoc on the recipe, something is just not right. It’s a passable cocktail, but I can’t give it any more credit than that.