By nature, we are all parasites. The following entries are groups, people and products that I have chosen to leech onto. I’m not proud of it (just kidding, I actually am), but it’s time to clear my sins and admit what I am.
The Lovely Mrs.Sip
This little lady does a lot for me and, by extension, for Sip Nation. While I won’t go into details, pumping her tires any more than necessary, let me tell you that this wonderful site wouldn’t exist if not for her help. If I wasn’t already in love with Sweet Lady Liquor (more on her below), Mrs. Sip would have 100% of my heart!
Global Potato Chip Cartel
This one is more of a symbiotic relationship. The Cartel provides me with wicked delicious snack treats and in return, I give them money to procure more potatoes and make more chippies and the wheel goes round and round. If it was legal to do so, I would bathe in potato chips. On second thought, that could be dangerous with all the rippled edges against my silky smooth skin. Maybe I’ll just continue to eat them en masse.
That’s right, distract her with chips and bubbly and get that dress off!
Public Broadcasting
You know when you hear the slogan: “This program has been made possible by viewers like you!”… they’re not talking about me. All I do is mooch off of public TV and never give them a dime in return. I’ll happily sit through their half-hour long ads and telethon drives without flinching. I have this innate ability to shut my brain off when people are in need. It’s my gift. Mrs. Sip says I live most my life with my brain shut off, but I’m only faking it around her!
Peanut Butter & Jelly Conspiracy
The Mayans predicted that the mixing of peanut butter and jelly would eventually lead to the end of days. I have taken this train of thought and turned it into a marketing opportunity, dubbing my sandwiches “The Most Dangerous Lunch in the World!” Daredevil foodies will eat anything if they think the risk-reward is worth it and I’ve made a nice profit on the scheme.
Major League Baseball
Oh, such an easy comedic target. I take and I take and I take all I can from this organization. How about the guys who can’t play because they have a blister? Really!?!? You can’t take the field to play a kid’s game where you’re dressed in pajamas and stand around for most of the outing? How about the guys who fall asleep in their team’s dugout in the middle of the game? Yeah, I think we all find it pretty boring, but good job selling the sport.
Sweet Lady Liquor
Oh, my beautiful muse… I have suckled your sweet nectar too many times to count… and I have no plans to stop (after all, we still have about 300 drinks to go in the drink-per-day challenge)!
The raspberry jam gives the rim a blood look, which is kind of neat, and was my own personal idea for the cocktail. It befuddles me that I am THAT awesome!
Sip Advisor Bar Notes (2.5 Sips out of 5):
While the Raspberry Jam rim turned out pretty good, the drink itself was disappointing, in my opinion. I’m not sure if that was because I was using Wildberry Juice for the very first time, or if that’s a result of the ever-bitter Absinthe.
Today, we play with fire, aka red pepper. “Red pepper? In a drink?” you say… you question whether the ol’ Sip Advisor has finally lost all his mental faculties. Have the weeks of drinking and running this blog already taken a toll on this brainially fragile person? Eff that, I’m more awesome than ever! This blog is about pushing the boundaries of drinkdom and so I must share with you the joys of cocktails made with ingredients you normally wouldn’t see in a shaker. Plus, I’ll throw in a little tale about how the red pepper recipe first entered my consciousness:
Mrs. Sip and I were in Las Vegas to celebrate our 10-year dating anniversary – a decade of destruction, if you will. My liver sure thinks so. It was an amazing trip, where everything just seemed to go right for us. Most of our vacations work out this way, so we weren’t really surprised.
We were sitting at the gorgeous Hyde Lounge inside the Bellagio Hotel. Unfortunately, it was a violently windy day and the fountains were shut off, depriving visitor’s to the city of its dancing water splendor. Well, when life gives you lemonade, you push it aside and ask for a martini.
So, there we sat, at the bar with cocktails in hand, reminiscing about another amazing weekend together. The place was pretty empty, so we had a good chance to talk to the bartenders and a nice couple beside us. When they had to run off to a show, they left us with the platter they ordered which included caviar, smoked salmon, and pate. It was one of those trips where everything was clicking!
We paid our tab and were finishing the final sips of our beverages, when we were interrupted by the booming voice of a man behind us.
“Can I get you guys some drinks?” the large African-American stranger asked.
I panicked a little, foreseeing this turning into one of those ‘Indecent Proposal’ type things. He liquors us up then offers me a substantial amount of money for one night with my fiancée. And I could really use that money!
Sure ya did, honey…
Let’s make one thing clear: Mrs. Sip is hot. She’s what the Spanish would call muy caliente! I’m just lucky we met at the age of 18 and I locked that sweet honeybutt down pronto (well, eight years later, but who’s counting).
So back to our drink offer. We were hesitant. After all, we had only come for one last drink before we were to head to the airport. We told our new “friend” that and he argued that we weren’t “driving” the plane (sound logic), so we could stay for one more round.
Then it popped into my head that maybe this guy would want to take ME off Mrs. Sip’s hands. I’m sure she wouldn’t hesitate to take the deal, and get a few hours off to read her books in quiet serenity without this Sip Advisor constantly prodding her to edit his blog or get naked. I wonder what rate I would go for? A bag of jellybeans and a sticker book… she’d probably still sign off on the agreement.
Still mulling over the drink offer, the stranger made our decision for us, walking over to the bartenders and talking to them. He turned to us and bluntly asked, “Do you like sweet or savoury?” Before I could answer, Mrs. Sip piped in “savoury”, and he put in an order. We didn’t know what would come next… roofie-coladas?
When the bartender was done, I was served what seemed to be a simple vodka soda, while Mrs. Sip was given a drink garnished with a red pepper ring, that we had watched be double-strained and all that jazz. Okay, so clearly this man wasn’t after my heart. We took our first sip, thanked the stranger and told him we liked the cocktails. He paid the bar and left without saying another word. I personally felt stood up!
When he left, we asked the bartender if she knew who he was. Her reply: “He’s the Stoli Vodka rep… he does this all the time.”
Well, cross another item off the bucket list… a complete stranger bought me a drink. I don’t need to say that he was just advertising for his brand… no, he just wanted to get on board with the awesomeness. And after finding out he was a vodka rep, I would have certainly gone anywhere with him!
Muddle the lime juice, simple syrup, mint leaves and red pepper all together, then add ice and the gin to your mixer. Shake vigorously (as if there was any other setting to be at) and strain into a martini glass. Thanks to the muddled red pepper, this drink has a sweet and subtle, but enjoyable bite to it, which the mint cools down. All in all, a pretty awesome cocktail!
Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
Our attempt to recreate the drink we were served in Las Vegas may not have been a complete match, but I think it was a good effort and tasted very unique. I’d like to find more recipes that feature Red Pepper.
Admittedly, prior to last night, I’ve never seen the 1988 Tom Cruise “classic”, Cocktail. However, as a harbinger of liquor knowledge, I pushed my way through this cinematic masterpiece, for you, my little sippers. A heads up from the start, this entire post will be a spoiler alert, so if you don’t want to know what happens, stop reading at the end of the post. Really!?!? Would you be that pissed at me if I detailed a movie released 25 years ago? It’s not like I spoiled the ending to Wreck-It Ralph for you by writing that King Candy is revealed to be rogue video game character Turbo… oops… now I’ve gone and done it.
Anyway, on with the review:
Things get off to a roaring start as the Touchstone Pictures logo scrolls across the screen, distributor of some of my favourite films (Ernest Goes to Camp top among them) followed by neon light-themed credits and a typically wicked 80’s soundtrack.
Wow, it was even a Super Nintendo game… scary stuff!
Brian Flanagan (Tom Cruise) is back from army service… lucky to still have his legs intact (see Cruise’s work in Born on the Fourth of July). Flanagan and what I can only assume is a group of fellow Scientologists steal a cop car and chase down a bus heading for New York City, in order to get Flanagan onboard. Nowadays, this would be viewed as a terrorist threat, but it’s the 80’s, so who cares. Most of the people on the bus were probably coked up anyway.
After meeting with his uncle and complaining about having to pay $1 for a beer (god damn entitled celebrities), Flanagan is on the job hunt and is getting turned down everywhere… very similar to what Cruise experienced later in his career after going off the deep end with his Scientology beliefs and couch jumping exploits.
Flanagan’s Uncle Pat makes a comment that “If you want fun, you go play at the beach!” Could this be a reference to the famous beach volleyball scene in Top Gun, released two years earlier?
Despite working at his uncle’s bar previously, Flanagan doesn’t know how to make a Cuba Libre or a Martini when he finally lands a gig at a New York pub. Seriously!?!? You can’t make a friggin’ Cuba Libre? So, the concept of mixing rum with coke is foreign to you… good luck surviving the bar scene.
I’m sure this movie is largely responsible for “flair bartending“, which makes me very angry. Oh, great, you can twirl a bottle and spill half of the contents nowhere near a glass. Remember, little sippers, no drops wasted. That is a cardinal sin among Sip Nation.
Flanagan’s boss/co-bartender Doug Coughlin (Bryan Brown) is full of great witticism, proving once again, that everything you ever need to know can be learned in a bar. He takes Flanagan under his wing and the two grow close over liquor and flairing and drunk poetry and such. Flanagan seems like a fun guy to be around when drunk… I wonder if Tom Cruise would be the same?… I wonder if Scientologists are allowed to drink? In one scene, Coughlin takes a tumble down some subway stairs, which will likely remain the highlight of the movie for me, long after it’s finished.
The buddies move on to work at another bar called Cell Block, which looks kind of neat and you pray that their top selling drink is toilet wine. It is here that Flanagan delivers a wonderful speech about liquor that should be recited before every epic night out (click here).
Flanagan meets some promiscuous woman and they do the sex thing. During their passion, Flanagan takes a break to down his beer, which has given me a George Costanza-esque challenge for the next time Mrs. Sip and I are getting amorous!
While Flanagan didn’t jump on a couch after nailing this chick, his celebration was pretty close… a haunting foreshadow of things to come said the ghost of Christmas future.
After a falling out with Coughlin, Flanagan takes off to Jamaica, providing audiences with scenes of Tom Cruise in tight white pants and fluffy shirts. One scene even has him running in this get-up and I nearly snotted all over the place.
Flanagan meets Jordan Mooney (Elisabeth Shue) after rescuing her friend who has passed out from drinking champagne… typical loser lightweight… no wonder Jordan ditches her for the rest of their vacation to hang out with Flanagan, who seems to have all the time-off in the world all of a sudden.
At this point, the movie becomes an advertisement for Jamaican travel, leading to Flanagan and Jordan having a tryst in a secluded watering hole, complete with waterfall. They get naked together and throw their suits away, which surely floated downstream, leaving the two with an embarrassing trip back to the resort. This scene has surely since caused many copycat incidents of indecent exposure beneath a waterfall. The two also have sex on the beach (not the cocktail… although they may have had that, too), which I’ve never understood. I don’t really like beaches because of all the sand and wouldn’t having sex on one result in sandblasting a lot of very intimate areas!?
Anyway, as is usually the case in movies, Flanagan blows things with Jordan by sleeping with some rich woman to prove a point to Coughlin, who with his new rich wife, has somehow tracked down Flanagan in Jamaica, despite no communication between the two in years.
Everyone returns to New York where Flanagan is a kept man (living the dream!) by a jazzercising, relatively attractive, affluent lady, but he ruins this too. He tries to get back together with Jordan, who he learns actually comes from money (the total package, yo!) and is also pregnant with his baby. So, I guess the whole 80’s AIDS scare didn’t bug these kids enough to use protection when sleeping with a complete stranger in a foreign country (and a bar tender at that!). Perhaps they thought the sterile waters of Jamaica would wash away all those bodily fluids…
Flanagan and Coughlin make up, as Flanagan gives him a $500 bottle of cognac and finds out Coughlin isn’t doing well, having lost his lady’s fortune in the stock market. Coughlin later kills himself by slitting his throat with the bottle of cognac. A totally extreme way to go out, but I’m more saddened by the wasting of such high-end liquor. Despite drinking heavily and contemplating suicide, Coughlin still managed to write Flanagan a perfectly legible and coherent letter before offing himself. Nerves of steel, man.
The movie ends with Flanagan and Jordan getting back together, despite Jordan’s father’s disapproval. Flanagan then buys the bar he always dreamed of having and can now suddenly and somewhat inexplicably can afford, and is told that Jordan is pregnant with twins. Should a pregnant lady really be in a bar, anyway? Oh those 80s!
I made sure to enjoy this drink (many times) while watching the movie. Let me tell you, it definitely helped. The end result is that Flanagan largely lived my dream in this movie. He even gets to trash a douchebag artist’s piece of work and smack him around. Myself and Mrs. Sip now have plans to move to Jamaica, where I’ll open up my own bar and under-the-table money laundering service, while she can parade around the island half naked!
Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
The Lime Juice and Ginger Ale added a really nice bite to this cocktail, to go with the subtle, but tasty Malibu Rum. Throw some Coconut Shavings on top and things are looking up for this drink!
This cocktail could be honouring anything from the legendary King Midas, a sexual euphemism or anything in between. I’m going to assume (making an ass out of you and me… it’s what I do best) it’s a tribute to the James Bond book and film of the same name. So, let’s look at some trivia on the subject.
In nearly every scene that he appears in, villain Auric Goldfinger wears yellow or gold items of clothing. In one scene he is seen donning a US Army uniform, but is carrying the famous golden gun.
Advisor’s Take: So, Goldfinger basically dresses like a Richard Simmons/Rod Roddy cross… oh man, that’s a scary sight… but scary as in one of those car wreck type deals, where you can’t look away and want to see the carnage. Although that golden gun in the video games kills with only one bullet. No need for headshots here, just shoot them in the foot and the game gives the victim instant gangrene, which results in a quick death.
The Goldfinger movie marked the first time an Aston Martin vehicle was used by James Bond. The car and character are now synonymous with one another. The company was originally reluctant to provide the production with two of their vehicles, but after the success of the movie, which translated into great business for the vehicle manufacturer, the company was more than willing for future sequels to provide anything the producers were looking for.
Advisor’s Take: I’ve never really been a car guy, so I don’t bust a nut over the vehicles in this movie or any other film. The only driving experience I’d like to enjoy in my life is being in a convertible, while driving along a winding beach, with dark shades on and feeling the wind run through my hair… that or rocking a monster truck through the streets of a bustling downtown core, running over everything from smart cars, to people who walk while texting, to the little designer dogs that cover the streets with poop.
The name Pussy Galore was almost changed to Kitty Galore, in order to appease censors, but producers were allowed to continue with the original name, as long as it did not appear on promotional material for the film. Actress Honor Blackman, who played the titular (literally) character enjoyed embarrassing her interviewers during press junkets by repeatedly saying the name.
Advisor’s Take: Sounds like my kind of girl, talking all dirty. Such outlandish names like Pussy Galore in the Bond franchise has led to some great monikers in spy spoofs. Of course, there was the Austin Powers trilogy, which featured names like Alotta Fagina, Ivana Humpalot, Fook Mi and Fook Yu, and Dixie Normous. My favourite occurred in an American Dad episode lampooning the spy genre, as Francine became Sexpun Tocome. I kind of wish Pussy Galore had remained Kitty Galore, and instead of her team of Flying Circus pilots she had a menagerie of cats whose offensive array included napping on people to subdue them and killing birds and mice that could later be used as projectiles.
This was the first movie appearance for a laser beam, as seen when Goldfinger has Bond strapped to a table, on the verge of being snuffed out. In the book, a spinning buzzsaw is inching closer to Bond, rather than a laser beam, but producers felt this gag was no longer original.
Adviser’s Take: If a buzzsaw worked for Dudley Do-Right cartoons and 1960’s live action Batman episodes, it could have also worked here. Funnily enough, now the whole laser beam thing seems unoriginal. The times they are a changing. If I ever have a hero at my mercy, I would finish them off with the dreaded purple nurple. If left untreated, the purple nurple can turn into a deadly blood clot, causing nausea, seizures, and eventual organ failure. I’m not a doctor, but I play one on the internet.
The role of Goldfinger’s minion, Odd Job was given to former Olympic medalist and professional wrestler Toshiyuki “Harold” Sakata. Another wrestler, Milton Reid, who had played a henchman in Dr. No, wanted the Odd Job role and challenged Sakata to a match with the winner getting the part. Producers decided that wasn’t necessary, since Reid’s character had been killed off in Dr. No and the match never took place. Reid later appeared as baddie Sandor in The Spy Who Loved Me over a decade later.
Advisor’s Take: I think all movie roles should be decided in the wrestling ring. Can you imagine Keanu Reeves battling Will Smith (turned the part down) for the role of Neo in The Matrix series? Or the catfights that would occur when any of Hollywood’s leading ladies battled over a character? The Oscars could become Tinsletown’s version of WrestleMania, complete with a stacked card of bouts. Put it on pay-per-view and I bet the viewers would tune in. If you build it, they will come.
Okay, that’s enough trivia for today. Alex Trebek I am not. Unless he’s a boozehound too!
Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
Sadly, this drink disappointed in presentation, as it was hard to see any of the Goldschlager in the martini. The cocktail tasted great and even looked awesome, but the gold flakes disappeared and that was sad.
Okay, I know 2013 is not a Leap Year and, in fact, we won’t see one again until 2016, but seeing as I don’t know how long this blog (aka my binge drinking) will keep going, I’m having the Leap Year cocktail now, just to make sure I get it onto the site.
Leap Day (1,096 drinks away, at my current pace) is very unique and we’re not even talking about the extra day in the year jazz. Here are some interesting Leap Day/Year facts:
Women can ask men to marry them on Leap Day – the premise to the crappy 2010 movie Leap Year. Does this mean that all the pressure is on women to pick out the right ring, plan the perfect proposal, and ask the husband to be’s parents for permission?
I wouldn’t mind me a little Sandy Bullock on her knees!
There are approximately 4 million people with birthdays on February 29. Among them, rapper Ja Rule, motivational speaker Tony Robbins and actor Anthony Sabato, Jr. The date also seems to be special for Canadian hockey players, as both Cam Ward and Simon Gagne share this birthday. Cam on Modern Family also enjoys Leap Day as his birthday, preferring to think of himself as 10 years old, when he’s hitting the big 4-0.
These people are called ‘Leaplings’ (is that anything like Lemmings?) and celebrate their birthday on either February 28th or March 1st in non-Leap Years. The chances of someone being born on this rare day are 1 in 1,461.
On the flip side, Davy Jones of The Monkees died on this day last year. Does that mean that he’s stuck in some sort of limbo – with a repeating loop of Daydream Believer constantly playing – because technically the day doesn’t exist?
February 29th also symbolizes Rare Disease Day… good job picking that out… Scientist: “So we’re agreed: we’ll only bring attention to our cause every four years, thus allowing us more time to worry about the stuff that really matters… like HD TV and faster streaming porn.”
Full disclosure: the boy in the picture is me.
Around the world, the Chinese believe that Leap Year babies are difficult to raise and are unlucky, while in Greece, you are advised not only to avoid marrying on February 29th, but throughout the entire Leap Year. And they thought they had trouble with their economic system!
Two separate women have given birth to children on three consecutive leap days. That would really suck. Not only does your birthday only come around once every four years, but when it does, you have to share it with two other siblings. Sir James Wilson, the Premier of Tasmania, Australia was born and died on February 29th. I hope he was a regular lottery player.
The Honor Society of Leap Year Babies exists for people born on February 29th. I tried joining once and when my membership was denied, I lodged a complaint with equal rights activists. The case is still pending.
Most importantly, in 2012 Disneyland and the Magic Kingdom in Disneyworld were open for a full 24 hours on Leap Day. Guess I know where I’m spending February 29th, 2016.
I pushed for having my wedding on Leap Day because then you would only have to celebrate once every four years. Just think of the savings. Although, I guess you would have a pretty big blowout whenever February 29th rolled around. Regardless, Mrs. Sip wanted a summer wedding and you know how it goes: happy wife, happy life… LAME!
Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
I can see why this cocktail is meant to only be enjoyed once every four years. It’s not that special and didn’t blow my mind in any way. The Grand Marnier was the nicest touch among the drink and luckily still came through, despite the other ingredients.
Valentine’s Day 2013 has come and gone, which means you have 365 days to find a partner (or new partner, if you weren’t happy with your V-Day gift) for the 2014 edition. If you follow The Sip Advisor’s date night advice (yeah, I’m good at that, too) you’ll do just fine… only fine, not great (our legal counsel insisted I throw that line in to cover our asses).
Dinner Out
I like to take Mrs. Sip to the finest McDonalds, which in our neck of the woods, means homeless people outside, bathrooms you have to be buzzed into, watered down pop stations and receiving you order wrong two-out-of-every-three times. Remember to always keep your options open. If your date is being fussy and wants to try something new on this special occasion, make sure there’s a Burger King nearby as a back-up.
Movie Time
The first obstacle with this option is agreeing on a movie. Unfortunately, as they don’t show pornography in megaplex cinemas, my second choice is usually a comedy. Problem is your date will likely want to see one of the romantic variety and now you’re really suffering. She better be worth it, friend. Sneaking in your own snacks is a must, or else you’ll be stuck putting a mortgage on your home to get a freakin’ drink (in a size that will burst your bladder and make you miss the climax of the film) and bag of popcorn.
Drinks on the Town
I’ve never been one to advocate drinking on a date…said the Sip Advisor never. I’ve had dates with drinks! The Cosmo and I once had a beautiful night out together, enjoying each other’s elixir. When it came time to seal the deal, though, I found out Cosmo saw me as more of a friend. We’re still close, but I’ll never forget how close I came to spending a night with sweet lady Cosmo.
Do Something Crazy!
As fun as bowling, mini-golf and ice skating (for us Canadians) can be, there’s nothing like giving your heart to each other while it’s jumping out of your chest. Great advancements have been made in tandem daredevil activities and even if you only go on one date together, he or she will never forget you or their near-death experience (I personally recommend Zorbing… what says love more than be stuck in a giant plastic ball and being pushed down a hill with that special someone?). Then again, the way I bowl, that may be as near-death as most people are willing to go.
Staying In
Lock the door, throw away the key and stay home. Better clear it with your date first, or else she’ll think you’ve taken her prisoner… although some ladies and gents might like that. Whether it’s to relax and watch Hockey Night in Canada (or, fine, a movie) together; have a romantic, candlelit dinner; or push the twin beds together for a night of wild passion; sometimes staying in is the best course of action.
The most important thing to plan for when staying home, is every night in together should start with a couple of these!
Garnish with chocolate sprinkles, banana slice and raspberry
If any of these tricks of the trade work for you, you can pay homage to me by giving your future child the middle name “Sip Advisor”… kind of has a nice ring to it, don’t ya think!?
Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
This might have been my favourite of the Chocolate Week cocktails. It tasted very similar to the dessert of the same name and was just as fun to drink as it is to eat.
No, we’re not talking about handing out cards to let past snuggle buddies know you have venereal disease, this is about showing my love for readers of this blog… the only issue is, like so many couples who find their “match” on Plenty of Fish, have had a few ambiguous dates, and have now progressed to the hourly texting of desperate messages such as “thinking of you” or “booty call? (winky face)”, I’m not sure what our relationship status is. On Facebook, I have it listed as “It’s Complicated,” so I bought a whole bunch of cards and please take whichever you feel applies to our situation.
Are we ‘in like’?:
Do we have similar tastes?:
Are we on-again, off-again?:
Are we friends with benefits?:
Are we passionate lovers?:
Maybe we’re just schoolyard pals?:
Then I said screw it to the card and I made you this drink… much love!
Staff at the Sip Advisor offices should expect to see some of these in their mail slots tomorrow, but only for those that get me a chocolate treat… of the booze variety, of course!
Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
This was my first attempt at doing a Chocolate-Syrup swirl within a martini glass and I think it worked out alright. Everything with the cocktail came together and the Whipped Chocolate Vodka proved itself, once again.
Well, my little sippers, it’s the start of Chocolate Drink Week here at The Sip Advisor and as will become customary with these feature weeks, we shall begin with a little education on the subject. So, take your seats and have your duotangs (do you remember those old things?) at the ready. Class begins… NOW!
The only thing you really need to know about chocolate is that women crave it and will kill for it – seriously, you should see the scars I incurred from Mrs. Sip’s wrath, when I once withheld chocolate from her. It wasn’t even a bar she likes. I was in intensive care for two weeks and now have to wear an eye patch and walk with a noticeable limp. Still, I should have known better… at least that’s what she tells me.
Chocolate, of course, is made from the wonderful cocoa bean, which other purposes absolutely don’t matter. ‘God food’ as the Mayans called it can actually increase serotonin and endorphin levels, thereby acting as an anti-depressant. Chocolate is often referred to as an aphrodisiac, but I theorize that women just behave in ways that will get them more chocolate.
Here are some other random choco-tastic factoids:
For the 1982 film E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial, producers wanted the alien to follow a trail of M&M’s into Elliot’s home, but the Mars company found the E.T. puppet to be so unattractive and potentially frightening (he is an ugly mook, after all) that they refused to allow their candy to be part of the movie. Reese’s Pieces were used instead and it turned out to be one of the greatest examples of a missed product placement opportunity in a movie ever.
Speaking of M&M’s, on their touring rider, rock band Van Halen always requested that there be no brown M&M’s in their backstage area. Sounds like a petty request… perhaps even racist, but there is actually sound reasoning behind it. The band wanted to ensure that promoters actually took the time to read their lengthy rider (a type-written 53 pages) and if the organizers couldn’t even pay attention to that detail, then other much more important specifics would be overlooked as well. You know, ones that would actually affect their performance. Hopefully the group always got their demanded tube of KY Jelly, without issue.
My touring rider is pretty epic, too, for those looking to book me for personal appearances: I ask for a vat of jello to bathe in, a jar of the finest snorting caviar and a room full of purring kittens, among other desires.
Finally, the world’s largest chocolate bar was made in the United Kingdom in 2011 and weighed over 12,770 pounds, the size of an African elephant. Shhh, don’t tell Mrs. Sip. She’s been looking to plan our next vacation and has always wanted to do a safari tour. I guess you can do those in the U.K.!
Garnish with raspberries and white chocolate flakes
What would be on your rider, if you had one? How much chocolate do you think a woman could eat before she finally gave up on the delicious mess? I’m dying to know the answers to these questions!
Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5): I thought this drink looked and tasted great. Those White Chocolate Shavings came personally from me… see how hard I work for you little sippers!? I knew Chambord and Crème de Cacao would complement each other, but Tequila did its part to behave and not overshadow the recipe.
We don’t need any encouragement to crack a bottle of our favourite libation, but these saying can sometimes really get you in the mood:
“It’s five o’clock somewhere”
A favourite saying among the Sip Advisor staff, as we just can’t stand to wait for 5:00pm to hit in our own neck of the woods. Imagine you actually had to wait until 5:00pm in your part of the world to be able to touch alcohol. I can see people with corkscrews and bottle openers at the ready, glasses already filled with ice, as the final seconds tick away from 4:59pm. It would be like New Year’s Eve every single day of the year!
“Sip happens”
You’re damn right it does… every day here at The Sip Advisor! This is the happy version of “shit happens,” which when you’re living downtown and people don’t care where their little pocket dogs poop and walking around is like going through a minefield… shit happens can often lead to sip happens, to restore order to yourself and the world.
“Wine a bit… you’ll feel better”
While I’m not the biggest connoisseur of wine, I can definitely get behind this message. Many of Mr. Sips friends and family sure do wine a lot, but I can’t really blame them with all the liquoring I do. Liquoring, by the way, is a crossbreed between ranting, raging and spitting. They all come together to form this beautiful medley of sound and light.
“Home is where the bar is”
A play off of the phrase, “home is where the heart is,” there’s nothing that warms my heart more than spending time with my home bar. Everything from stocking it, to making drinks for all my little sippers, is a complete joy. It’s the one piece of furniture in our apartment that I have absolutely no qualms about dusting and keeping clean and organized… despite Mrs. Sip’s role as primary dust neutralizer.
“Save water, drink beer” (or replace beer with your bevvy of choice)
An especially important message in places like Mexico, where water should be avoided in almost all situations. I prefer to sub the term ‘anything’ into this slogan: “Save water, drink anything.” On rare occasions, when I’m really feeling it, the motto can even be adapted to read: “Save water, drink EVERYTHING!”
“Have you had your sip today?”
Never heard this one before? That’s cause I just made it up. And soon enough, it will become part of the global lexicon. Together, we can make a difference.
Do you have your own drinking slogan? Share it with Sip Nation by leaving a comment. The best slogans may appear in a future Sip Advisor post!
Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
This is your prototypical dessert drink. I’m not sure I can get down that often with Irish Crème. It’s just not among my favourite liqueurs. This cocktail is definitely for the after dinner fans of libations.
Jealousy… I’m not too familiar with the feeling myself, but I assume it’s that feeling that other guys get when they see me free lifting my 200 pound weights in the gym, living my rock n’ roll gangsta lifestyle, or busting my sweet gangnam-style moves on the dance floor. 99% of the above may almost certainly be a lie, but since it’s Tequila Week here at The Sip Advisor headquarters, I know all you loyal readers are a bit jealous. To even it up, here’s a small selection of those who earn my envy:
Imagine being able to eat whatever you want – cookies, plates, even the moon – and not gain a single pound. Seriously, Cookie Monster has been around since 1969 and despite eating whatever he wants, whenever he wants, he still looks the same, even though what he’s stuffed back would have other beings suffering the onset of diabetes or an incredibly gruesome and painful death or something. He may not lose any weight, but maintaining the body status quo would be classified a win for me. I love me some cookies (and chippies for that matter), so being able to eat so indiscernibly (and look cool in so much blue) definitely tops my list of enviable qualities.
Two words: adamantium skeleton. Sure the guy can’t remember who the hell he is or what his past life was, but he’s indestructible. Hell, I often can’t remember who I am or parts of my past life, thanks in large part to the subject matter of this blog. My mind is spinning with the stupid stuff I could get up to if I was immortal. Bungee jumping sans bungee cord, demolition derbies onboard a motorcycle, mixed martial arts fights with dinosaurs… the possibilities are endless, when your mind is as deteriorated as mine.
The fat orange cat is allowed to be as surly as he wants and we love him for it. His enviable attitude is something that doesn’t work so well with my wife, however. While I’m not really down with the whole lasagna obsession thing, I can totally get behind the blankie, teddy bear (Pooky), fuzzy slippers and pajamas. And just like Garfield, I would only be nice twice a year, on my own Halloween and Christmas specials. I mean, how could you not be nice at Halloween and Christmas with all the candy, candy, candy and presents, presents, presents!?
One has to admire Mr. Coyote’s passion and drive in his dogged pursuit of the Roadrunner. If I possessed the same ambition, I’d be able to get this 365-day challenge done in a month (never mind the fact that I may implode like said Coyote in the attempt to do so). I would also love to have the resources Wile E. has at his disposal. His ACME account must be unlimited and if they had an alcohol department, I would be all over that. The one drawback is his constant injuries. One can only fall off a cliff so many times before it would probably get tiresome. My hat is off to you buddy, keep chasing that rainbow and get yourself some sweet, sweet Roadrunner meat!
He may be a bumbling idiot (sounds a little too similar to MY personality profile!), but he’s a respected and accomplished detective. Plus, he gets to travel the world, chasing criminals and use an array of high-tech – well, mostly low-tech umbrellas and such – gadgets (wait!? Is that why he’s called Inspector Gadget? Another of life’s mysteries solved). Perhaps I’d be the one to finally catch Dr. Claw. After all, in my younger days, I was very successful in my hunt for Carmen Sandiego and her band of henchmen. Go-go-gadget 12 inches, am I right, ladies?
Simply put, the kid had a fully-staffed McDonald’s right inside his own house. We don’t even need to get into the whole gazillionaire, set-for-life kid, B.S. Nope, just McDonald’s… in your house… they would probably even do room service. I would hold these off-the-chain shindigs with the guys from Epic Meal Time and we’d get completely destroyed on Chicken McNuggets and milkshakes. It would be, well, epic.
So, doing a final tally, if I put all my traits together, like a wonderfully-blended cocktail, I would be invincible; surly, but lovable; driven, with uncapped resources; with my own personal McDonald’s restaurant where I could eat at every day and never gain weight… and let’s not forget about the 12-incher!
Garnish with Pineapple Wedge and Maraschino Cherry
Who (aside from super me) are you jealous of? Drop me a line and let me know. Perhaps your list will be better… I doubt it though, because I’m pretty awesome! Maybe there will be a list on narcissism in the future!
Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
I like how this drink came together visually with the Blue Curacao half resting at the bottom of the martini glass and the rest combining with the Pineapple Juice to make a greenish hue, perfect for the Envy moniker. The taste wasn’t half bad either.
Sip Advisor 