February 25 – The Party General

Posted on February 25, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Drunken Party Fouls

They happen… but that doesn’t mean we have to like them. I’ve instituted a three strikes and you’re out rule at my shindigs. If you break any three party foul rules, you’re out on the street. I don’t care if you’re Mrs. Sip or Mama Sip… hell, even future Baby Sip will be held to these stringent laws of the land. Don’t mess with The Advisor.

Spilling a Drink

A crushing moment at any soiree occurs when sweet, precious liquor is spilt. Small spills are bad enough, but when a nearly full drink hits the ground, it is perfectly reasonable for mob justice to occur. Punishment: Death… but I will settle for the offender having to drink the contents of their spill with a straw, no matter where it has landed (litter box, public bathroom floor, etc. are all fair game)!

Breaking Something

Unless it is done in the name of sweet mazel tov, the breaking of anything should never occur at a function. If the break is the result of drunkery, that’s even worse. (If it’s somehow the result of the cat you brought along on a leash, we’ll let it slide). Punishment: Replacing said item at equal or double the cost as a tax for your indiscretion.

Depressing or Complaining Conversation

We are here to party… not talk about how much your life sucks in comparison to mine (because let’s face it, it probably does), that children are starving in cities near you, or how you lost your fifth cousin, twice removed in a tragic microwave/hair drying incident. Even at a wake, things should be upbeat as we happily remember all the good times we had with that person. You want to be all depressed or moody? Don’t even bother coming out. This also likely goes for any talk about politics, unless we’re talking about Arnold Schwarzenegger. Punishment: Immediate banishment to the badlands. Forgiveness can be granted in exchange for a liquor run.

Stealing Booze

Whether you grab someone else’s beers from the fridge or help yourself to a shot from their bottle, if you don’t have the expressed written permission of the NFL to rebroadcast booze that is not yours, you should not do so. Some people carefully allot themselves what they plan on drinking in an evening and when someone else cuts into their stash, this can deny them of achieving the perfect level of zen. Punishment: Having your hand cut off… an extreme measure to be sure, but they won’t steal booze ever again. With only one hand, they won’t have the capability to do so!

So that’s where my bottle went…

Passing Out/Getting Sick

There are few examples where a guest passing out is a good thing. If they pass out in your own bed, then the only course of action is to send the two heaviest guests into the room to have a wrestling match, regardless of drunky’s (the eighth dwarf) wishes. A guest going nappy-nap is a better alternative to them getting sick, though. Nothing turns a party down a bad path quicker than someone praying to the porcelain gods or worse, letting loose in front of the entire gathering. Punishment: Do not pass go, do not collect $200 and no more Monopoly for you.

Not Paying Your Tab

Oh, this one makes Mr. Sip angry. You can spill a drink on my floors, break my glassware, talk about your dead uncle Artie, steal the last beer out of my fridge and puke all over my couch after half a sip and I may one day come to forgive you. But if you ever… and I mean EVER skip out on your tab and leave the rest of the group in a lurch, you are DEAD to me. Punishment: Well, you’re already dead to me, but I could also send the Ghostbusters after you and send you to ghostly purgatory.

Drink #56: The Party General

1.5 oz Whiskey
1.5 oz Amaretto
Top with Ginger Ale
Garnish with Maraschino Cherry

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I’ve always maintained that Ginger Ale is one of the most underappreciated mixers out there. Through it in with Whiskey and Amaretto, two of my favourite alcohols and we must surely be on the right track. Top with a Maraschino Cherry and all is well in the Land of Sip.

February 24 – Hidden Mickey

Posted on February 24, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

DisneyBANNED

It’s story time here at The Sip, as I have all the little kiddies gathered around for one of Uncle Sip’s most epic tales.

Let’s cut straight to the chase (almost literally):

The Sip Advisor and staff were on their way to Disneyland for a reunion of sorts and the trip will live in infamy as a result of the events that transpired. Let me sum up our experience in a few words: Disneyland, wine & beer festival, 10% beer, security, Space Mountain. The day really starts as we wake up, reach for our beers, and slowly nurse them in bed like babies with a bottle, as we wake up and plan our tasting options in Disneyland: California Adventure.

After finishing our tasting tours, and with light buzzes all around, we moseyed on over to the Pacific Wharf area for (surprise!) some more beer. And here’s where the trouble began. We found out that they were offering a “festival beer” that was 10% alcohol. And since we are all for efficiency and avoiding necessary line-ups, why not grab two at a time… four times… I think… but my memory is not entirely clear on this point.

What followed was some tortilla eating, hang gliding, fortune cookie hunting, pure insanity… and then the park closed… and we promptly decided to hit up Disneyland: Magic Kingdom since it was open for another two hours. Of course, being absolutely trashed at this point we should have practiced some stealth… instead of hanging upside down from the letter “A” in the giant CALIFORNIA between the parks.

Not sure which of us were the penguins, but this is a pretty accurate portrayal of what happened that night…

As we finally started to make our way across the no man’s land, towards the main park’s entrance gates, a Disney security guard cheerily asked us where we were going. Jubilantly, we acted as if we’d just won the Super Bowl and shouted “WE’RE GOING TO DISNEYLAND!”. Security smiles kindly at us and responds: “No, you’re not”. Shit, the fuzz was onto us and they want to give us the Song of the South treatment! She started following us towards the turnstiles, telling us we were done (we were!) and couldn’t go mingle with all the happy little kids in the park.

Cleverly we came up with a devious plan: somehow managing simple math we realized there were four of us and only one of her and we split up! Okay, that’s a lie, we couldn’t manage simple math at that point. Instead one of our group realized he had forgotten his bag in the now closed other park and turned around to get it without telling Mrs. Sip and I. The end result was the same however: we managed to make our way into the Happiest Place on Earth (that doesn’t sell beer).

The next morning I woke up with my memory a haze. I grabbed the camera and started scrolling through the pictures from the night before Hangover-style. There were pictures of all four of us crammed into a tiny tea cup, riding the Casey Jr. Railroad Train (of course, locked in the Wild Animals cage) and having our photo snapped on Space Mountain. It was the best night I never remembered and apparently after the second park closed, we went off in search of more beer, the evidence was in our fridge– a fresh six pack… well, it was down to four at this point.

We came that night, ready to play and we went home with a ton of great memories… well maybe some fuzzier than others!

Drink #55: Hidden Mickey (A Sip Advisor Original Recipe)

Malibu Rum 0.5 oz
Irish Crème 0.5 oz
Cherry Liqueur 0.5 oz
Kraken Spiced Rum 0.5 oz
Europa Chocovine 2 oz
Yummy Candy garnish

This drink features a number of “Hidden Mickey’s”. Can you find them all?

In the future, I will also have to regale you, my little sippers, with the tale of our EPCOT pavilion crawl. Remember, at EPCOT, Every Person Comes Out Trashed!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
I wish I could have incorporated even more ‘Hidden Mickeys’ into the recipe, but them’s the breaks. For such a random building of a cocktail, the drink tasted pretty good. The Europa Chocovine is a fantastic liqueur, should anyone be looking for such a product in the future.

February 21 – Rainbow Orgy

Posted on February 21, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Open Bar

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot… concerned? You should be. As a result of this blog, I always have to be thinking about things to write about on a daily basis. Well today my brain wants a bit of a vacation and I’ve just let my thoughts drift and mingle (becoming an orgy of thoughts, if you will… see how I tied that all into today’s drink!). My thoughts are very skewed – random even – and tangents are easy to go off on. So, as Dr. Dre once rapped, “Journey with me into the mind of a maniac”…

1) All the best vices are often portrayed as women (hmmm, what does that say?). Alcohol is no exception and in fact many liquors have stripper/porn star names (it’s true, I did very in-depth and personal research to come to this conclusion): Tangueray, Bombay Sapphire (ooohhhh, exotic), Kahlua, Tia Maria, Amaretto, Cherry Liqueur (think about this one!), Peach Schnapps, Margarita… and the list goes on and on… the result of mixing a few of these ladies together in a shot glass is usually something really dirty (Porn Star, Slippery Nipple, Silk Panties with Lace, and Cum Shot, to name a few).

2) Why are women so opposed to deep fried food, but absolutely love fondue?

3) I wonder if any astronauts have ever got down with their bad self in space? Talk about a thousand mile-high club.

4) Is there anything sadder than a closed liquor store? Anything!?!? I think not.

5) How come every time a new black character is introduced in The Walking Dead, another one has to (spoiler alert) die? Is it that they are tagging out or is there some secret AMC contract about how many African American’s are allowed to appear in any one show at a time? You would think Mad Men would then balance everything out since apparently according to the show only white scotch drinkers existed in the 1950’s.

6) Why are “World Energy Conservation Days” and “World No Gadget Days” promoted so heavily on social media sites… and usually by the people who are online the most? Maybe if they scaled back their post and tweet output, the need for these days would lessen.

7) I really want to order the new 40-piece Chicken McNugget meal McDonalds’ restaurants in the U.S. are advertising lately. Then I want to see how many sauce packs it takes to get through the whole lot. Just one of my very deep thoughts that I wanted to pass along.

Alrighty, I’ve taken up enough of your time. Here’s what you all came here for: today’s delicious drink!

Drink #52: Rainbow Orgy

1 oz Melon Liqueur
1 oz Crème de Bananes
Top with half Orange Juice, half Brisk Strawberry-Melon
Garnish with Melon Liqueur-filled Strawberry

Like an amalgamation of my thoughts, this drink comes together quite nicely. The Crème de Bananes and Melon Liqueur mix very well with all the other ingredients and a drink you’d expect to be super sweet isn’t at all. I personally garnished the drink with a hollowed out strawberry that contained another shot of Melon Liqueur, but results may vary.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
The colouring of the drink is pretty wicked and the taste wasn’t bad. This is another cocktail that could have benefitted from some fizz and perhaps a splash of Lemon-Lime Soda would have done the trick. I don’t know if I’d do a liquor-filled strawberry again, as it got a little sticky and messy.

February 20 – Golden Shower

Posted on February 20, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Creative Control

When I first mentioned this drink to ‘The Network’ they wanted me to change the name of it. Well, friends, I absolutely despise censorship. I flat-out refused and then a full scale war between good and evil was initiated. We lost a lot of great men out there on the battlefield, but in the end, we came out triumphant. My blog, my say.

When we returned home from the war, we were lost souls. It was a hard adjustment to make back to civilian life and I felt we weren’t being appreciated for our efforts. Let me give you a little glimpse into my psyche… let’s call it the mind of a maniac.

Censorship is bad mmmkay. There’s no other way to put it. It takes away our freedom of speech and curbs creativity. Worse yet, it makes movies shown on TV completely unwatchable with all the bleeped out language and such. I mean, do we want this place to turn into communist China? (Which, despite its massive population, I note, is one of the few countries I have not received a single hit for this website).

Here are some mind-boggling examples of censorship that actually happened:

When Lucille Ball became pregnant, they incorporated this into her show I Love Lucy, but no characters were allowed to say the word “pregnant,” only “expecting.”
Married couples on TV were not allowed to be shown sharing a bed, instead sleeping in separate twin beds.
Jeannie on I Dream of Jeannie was not allowed to show her belly button and fabric was specifically added to her wardrobe to cut out her midriff.
On Happy Days, Fonzie was only to wear his patented leather jacket in scenes where he was riding his motorcycle (as safety equipment, of course), because otherwise it would make him look like a hoodlum, censors decreed. Therefore, Fonzie always appeared on or near his motorcycle, often leaning on or polishing it.

Ever since my Mortal Kombat game on Super Nintendo lacked blood, while my friend’s on Sega included all the wonderful gore a young child could want, I’ve opposed censors and their inherent need to ruin things for audiences. I vowed, from that moment forward to wage a campaign of intolerance against the intolerants.

A battle that – with the help of the vast and lawless internet and in association with channels like Comedy Central and HBO – I’m happy to say we’re fucking winning! (Yay for titties and foul language!)

It is every person’s right to see full-frontal nudity and scenes of explicit violence, while hearing language that would make a sailor blush. If you don’t like it, don’t watch it, listen to it or buy it… but don’t you dare tell me I can’t enjoy it.

“Oh, what about the children!? Who will protect them?” someone cries in despair. Well folks, it’s called parenting. If you have young ones at home, then every once in a while drag yourself away from watching fine upstanding and moralistic shows such as The Bachelor, Real Housewives, or UFC (of if you are a reader, 50 Shades of Whatever or that other book where kids kill each other) and impart on them some values… if you can remember what those are. Just saying.

And it is my right to make and appreciate a drink called the Golden Shower.

Drink #51: Golden Shower

0.5 oz Tequila
0.5 oz Southern Comfort
0.5 oz Galliano
Splash of Apple Juice
Top with Lemonade
Garnish with a lemon wedge

Nothing tops waking up and enjoying the splendor of a nice Golden Shower… the drink, I mean. Pervert!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
While the drink’s name might throw some people off, it was a wonderful concoction. The best part about mixology is trying different ingredients together that you normally never would. Just look at the listing of alcohols and mixers above, many of which you normally wouldn’t combine. They all work well together here.

February 18 – Candy Rider

Posted on February 18, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Ride Wit Me

In a recent post, I mentioned rock band Van Halen’s odd tour rider request to have all the brown M&M’s removed from candy dishes backstage at their appearances. Today I look at some other celebrity demands; some humourous, some reasonable and some downright bizarre.

Taylor Swift – Kraft Mac N’ Cheese, chocolate milk, ice cream, Twizzlers

I know Taylor is young – only 23 – but her rider makes it seem like she should still be eating at the kiddy table. Granted it looks like an ideal meal for Mrs. Sip as well. If this is a consistent part of Swift’s diet however, I wouldn’t be surprised if she often hits the stage with an upset tummy.

Eminem – peanut butter, strawberry jelly, Lunchables… oh, and a koi pond

Again, Slim Shady’s rider reminds me of something a young child going on a field trip would ask for. PB&Js and Lunchables sounds like a nice simple meal if you’re a picky kid. However, not really what I envisioned for someone rapping about drugs and sex, but then again I do love me a good PB&J. Both are favourites of Mrs. Sip (the PB&J and Lunchables that is, not the drugs and sex unfortunately)… she’s starting to look like a bit of a diva. The koi pond is completely out of left field, but given his other easy-to-achieve asks, we’ll give him a pass on the pond.

Adele – Marlboro lights, fans who get free tickets must make a donation to charity

Ever wonder how Adele gets that smoky voice of hers. The Marlboro lights she requests on her rider may play a role. I’m not sure how she keeps tabs on who gets free tickets to her concerts though… perhaps she has ESP (enhanced suspicions of people).

Kanye West – shampoo, lip balm, soft-bristle toothbrush

Wouldn’t want to hurt those voice-of-a-generation gums, hey Kanye? These are all items any normal person would travel with and supply themselves with, but hey, why not make someone else buy them for you and save $10 from your millions?

John Kerry – no tomato-based products or sandwiches

This is a very ironic request given his wife’s fortune – which likely helped fund Kerry’s bid for the American presidency – comes from her first marriage to the heir of the Heinz ketchup legacy. Perhaps that fact still bothers him. After all, what guy likes being constantly reminded of the other people who have seen his wife’s naughty bits?

Foo Fighters – colouring and activity books

Sounds like Dave Grohl and the guys have found a sure-fire way to kick-start their creativity prior to a performance. I can totally see Grohl lying on the floor and doing his best to keep within the lines. Then again, he is a drummer and maybe the exercise is all about breaking the rules. The group also provides this great drawing as an example of acceptable catering.

Michael Buble – local hockey team puck, bottle of scotch, wine, veggies and dip

A good Canadian kid, all Buble wants is a bottle of scotch, some reasonably-priced wine, veggies and dip, and a hockey puck from the local team. It’s a well-known fact that Buble is a massive hockey fan and perhaps he’s just trying to build a one-of-a-kind collection. Fans of Bubbles have even posted in forums, trying to send him pucks from their area teams.

Mariah Carey – 20 white kittens, 100 doves

I only hope the 20 kittens are allowed to feast on the 100 doves and that is the only reason the two are ordered in unison (reminder: The Sip Advisor does not like birds in any form… except tuxedoed and flightless). Man, what a glorious massacre that would be. I know The Sip Advisor’s little sidekick, Furious B, would have an absolute feast if allowed to join this party.

Marilyn Manson – bald-headed, toothless hooker

We hope that this is a joke request, but with Mr. Manson (who sometimes prefers to go by Mrs.), you can never be too sure. Maybe he’s just using the woman as an example of how to do his own make-up!

Drink #49: Candy Rider

Rim glass with Cherry Fun Dip
2 oz Gin (I used Beefeater)
Top with Cherry Dr. Pepper
Garnish with Twizzler Straw

My demands for today’s drink included a cherry Fun Dip rim and a Twizzler straw. If you were a touring celebrity, what would be on your rider? Write me your own requests and I’ll decide whether or not you’re worth booking. The best replies may be posted in a future Sip Advisor blog!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I would have never thought that Gin and Dr. Pepper went together very well… boy, was I wrong. I’m particularly proud of the Twizzler stir stick/straw I added to go along with the post above.

February 17 – Voodoo

Posted on February 17, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Randomness

Today is Random Acts of Kindness Day, one of the most underappreciated days of the year. I’ve already won a lifetime achievement award from the Centre of Kindness, although my distinction was not in the area of Random Acts. Here, though, are some of my noteworthy achievements in the field of randomocity:

I once held a door open for people coming in and out of a building for a world record (yet not Canadian record) time.

I educate kids about the magic of the 1980’s – and I’m not just talking about the excess – from a Transformers franchise that Michael Bay had yet to ruin to professional wrestling still being sold as a legitimate competition. I even do a special lecture detailing the wonders of Sir Teddy Ruxpin.

I’ve frequently eaten at McDonalds restaurants over the years. Someone has to keep these struggling enterprises afloat.

Selflessly, I’ve given cats a lap to nap on for many, many years. To their benefit, I’m just about as lazy as they are.

I’ve donated thousands of Mrs. Sip’s books to local bookmobiles (and all without bothering her about it or telling her). It’s not like I had any intention of reading them and I’m tired of her keeping me up at night when she’s really into a series. Plus, clearing them out leaves more shelf space for liquor. Problem is, those books are promptly returned to me when youngsters realize they can’t get these paperbacks transferred onto their E-readers, cell phones or portable gaming devices.

I’ve watched countless hours of pornography as crucial research to help women feel good about their bodies.

Finally, here’s my most recent (and last ever) act of kindness: I made this drink for all of you to enjoy… seriously, if you hold a straw up to whatever device you’re viewing this on, you can have a taste. It’s the greatest advancement since the scratch-and-sniff.

Drink #48: Voodoo

1 oz Malibu Rum
1 oz Kahlua
1 oz Butterscotch schnapps
Top with Milk
Garnish with Coconut Shavings or Chocolate

Since it’s Random Act of Kindness Day, I got this recipe from webtender.com, through their random drink generator. There are other sites out there that include the random recipe feature, including one that gets bonus points for having cats as mixologist mascots. Give them a shot sometime and let me know what they came up with for you!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (5 Sips out of 5):
One word can quickly sum up this drink: delicious! The Butterscotch Schnapps, Kahlua, and Malibu Rum offer three very different flavours that all just seem to meld together well. Any drink with Coconut Shavings is going to get high marks from me!

February 12 – Skor Bar

Posted on February 12, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

He Shoots, He Skors

There are a number of drinks named after popular chocolate bars. Today we enjoy the Skor Bar cocktail and we learn what some of The Sip Advisor’s favourite chocolate treats are:

Chocolate PayDay

The Chocolate PayDay bar has become a unicorn of sorts for myself and Mrs. Sip. We found it once, in a hotel vending machine. It was the last bar of its type in the machine and we’ve never seen it again. It took the classicly awesome PayDay bar – salted peanuts held together by chewy caramel – and covered it with chocolate. Had I not seen the bar with a witness, I’d begin to wonder if my years of drinking were taking a toll on the ol’ noggin.

Wunderbar

The Wunderbar is a favourite shareable for me and the little lady. Hell, she thinks every chocolate bar is a shareable… and don’t even get me started on our long standing McDonalds’ fries dispute (if I knew you were going to eat half of my fries, I would have ordered the larger size!!!). But I digress. I like to accuse her of eating more than her fair share of the chocolate bar and then she leaves me more the next time. It’s the ol’ bait and switch, executed to perfection!

Twix

Twix is another perfect “sharing” bar that brings out the Cookie Monster in me. I hate when chocolate bars are hard to share, like what do you do with the third peanut butter cup (note: in the United States, packages come with two cups, but in Canada, there’s three… yup, we’re better! …never mind the fact that you can probably buy two U.S. 2-packs for the price of one Canadian 3-pack). Obviously, you can break the third cup in half, but then your fingers get all chocolatey and delicious and such. Perfect for wiping on your loved one’s finest clothing.

Snickers

I like the new line of Snickers “you’re not you when you’re hungry” commercials, as it’s always nice to see Joe Pesci in front of the camera again. Mrs. Sip isn’t a fan of Snickers bars, so I get this one all to myself! She doesn’t like Oh Henry!, either, so I bet you can guess which treats are well-stocked at the Sip Advisor offices… that’s right, not these ones. These are the delicacies I hide around the house – toilet tank, recycle bin, among the DVD collection – for when I’m not acting myself.

Toblerone

They were 3-D first and we have to thank them for that. While travelling through Switzerland a handful of years ago, it seemed we were buying Toblerone bars like they were going out of style. When we took the trip up Jungfrau Mountain, we made sure to have this wonderful chocolate on hand, as eating some can actually help you adjust to the altitude. Either that or you need to down some serious wobbly-pops.

Drink #43: Skor Bar Cocktail

Rim glass with Skor bits
1 oz Irish Crème (I used Bailey’s)
1 oz Kahlua (or Frangelico for a twist)
1 oz Butterscotch Schnapps
1 oz Crème de Cacao

Everybody has their favourite chocolate bar… what’s yours? I know it’s a hard choice to narrow down. Maybe it’s easier to pick one you hate. It is Fat Tuesday today, so make sure to enjoy as many bars (chocolate or otherwise), guilt-free, as possible!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
This actually tasted like a Skor Bar. I know that’s how it’s advertised, but sometimes the results don’t match the name. Butterscotch Schnapps and Crème de Cacao make an amazing pair and the Skor Bit rim was a lot of fun, too.

February 11 – Berried Treasure

Posted on February 11, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Odd Couples

In today’s recipe, Crème de Cacao is combined with lemonade, which may seem like a strange pairing to some. It actually comes together deliciously like peanut butter and chocolate, wine and cheese, and Doritos and porn. The same can’t be said for these mismatched duos:

Flavor Flav & Brigitte Nielsen

What do you get when you throw two recovering addicts together, with the tease of their own reality show spinoff? True love, yo!!! And so we were treated to Strange Love, which chronicled the couple’s relationship, ending when Nielsen decided to return to her fiancé… wait, what!?! She was engaged during the entire charade.

Roger Ebert & Oprah Winfrey

Granted they only went on a couple of dates, before either one had become a household name, but their relationship just seems weird. Ebert did urge Oprah to take her local talk show into syndication, helping her become the high-power, influential brand she’s become since her early days with the movie critic. So now you know you have Ebert to thank for Oprah’s Book Club, among other things that at one time or another, have likely ruined every dude’s life.

Lance Armstrong & Ashley Olsen

One of them used performance enhancing drugs and the other likely should in order to beef up her gaunt, skeleton look. Fifteen-year age gap be damned. At least she’s not dating one of her former parental figures on Full House. Now that would be creepy.

Tom Green & Drew Barrymore

First, you have sweet, innocent Drew Barrymore (Playboy pictorial and history of addictions notwithstanding), member of the Barrymore Hollywood dynasty. Then, you have Canadian Tom Green, who somehow became a cult hit in the late 90’s/early 2000’s with his brand of off-the-wall prank humour. Somehow the crazy kids got together and it was even at a time in Barrymore’s life when she was sober.

Dennis Rodman & Madonna

Perhaps these two weren’t as mismatched as first thought. They’re both bizarre individuals with far-out personalities and they each like wearing coned bras and dresses while dyeing their hair a million different colours. They also have a knack for starring in movies, despite the fact they’re more famous for other professions (he of basketball and she of enormous sexual appetite).

Jesse James & Sandra Bullock

Why these two were ever together is an unexplainable mystery. The fact HE cheated on HER takes the absurdity level of the relationship to a whole ‘nutha level. When you look at the gremlin he cheated on her with, you’re left absolutely flummoxed (remember, I’m trying to bring this word back to the streets). What a scumbag! Plus, he’s not even related to legendary outlaw, Jesse James, as he’s always claimed.

Bert & Ernie

They’re just roommates… quit bugging them about the whole gay thing. Hell, Ernie’s closer to his rubber ducky than he is to Evil Bert.

Drink #42: Berried Treasure

1.5 oz Raspberry Vodka
0.75 oz Crème de Cacao
0.5 oz Chambord
Top with Lemonade
Garnish with lemon wedge

Some say that Mr. and Mrs. Sip are an odd couple. What with her beauty, success and joie de vive. To those people I say, you’re right… but I wouldn’t have it any other way!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
One disappointment with the drink was that the Lemonade mixer wasn’t fizzy, as I had expected it to be. The flavour was still okay, but a little zip would have helped score the cocktail higher.

February 8 – Limestone Breeze

Posted on February 8, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Cancelled

Yesterday we looked at some wonderful TV shows that were never given a fair chance to find an audience. Today, we discuss shows that were given more lives than they were ever entitled to and probably should have never seen the light of day. Enjoy!

Jenny

Apparently only “reality-based” shows with sexy people worked in the late 1990’s. This show starred Jenny McCarthy as a convenience store clerk who inherits a large fortune from the father she never knew, moves into his Hollywood mansion and pursues a career as a screen star. If only it was that easy for all us store clerks. Only 10 of the 17 episodes produced ever aired and you have to assume that there’s some serious TV gold on those last episodes. Spoiler alert: viewers would eventually find out that Jenny’s father wasn’t dead, only missing.

Stacked

Pamela Anderson as a breasty bookstore employee (as close to a librarian as you can get) seems like it should have pulled in the young male demographic, at the very least… providing they’ve received the proper hepatitis vaccinations. Christopher Lloyd was even a cast member. Maybe if the show had been about time travel and ol’ Doc Brown had travelled to 2005 to check out blonde bimbos, the program might have caught on.

No Ordinary Family

Because who doesn’t like to see a family fighting crime together. Sadly Julie Benz left her role on Dexter to be part of this series, which lasted a mere 20 episodes. The super powers they doled out were a little ridiculous in this show. Dad gets super strength, mom gets super speed, daughter gets telepathy and son gets… intelligence!? That’s it? Seriously? And here I thought getting stuck with telepathy sucked.

Wheel of Fortune

How many times must we see that wheel spin and some moron guess a letter of the alphabet? Vanna White gets paid to do something any computer could do electronically nowadays. Used to be she was actually turning letters over. Now she just touches them. Seems like a job even I could do, with my fourth grade level of reading. I’d like to waste some of my winnings and buy a vowel, Pat… that cool with you? At least it provided us with this classic South Park moment [below]…

Emeril

I can just see how this pitch went to the studio: Producer – Okay, we want to take a chef, with no acting skills whatsoever and only a small following based on his catchphrase (BAM!) and give him his own half-hour comedy. Network Executive – “Fantastic idea, but I have one little tweak, let’s pay him tons of money for 11 episodes of work”. This series was such a disaster that it doesn’t even have a Wikipedia entry. I have to admit though, I did like Emeril as Marlon the Gator from Disney’s The Princess and the Frog!

Drink #39: Limestone Breeze

1.25 oz Vodka
0.75 oz Amaretto
Top with Apple-Lime Juice
Dash of Lime Juice
Garnish with lime wedge

In doing some research for this post I saw that one person’s list of shows that should have been cancelled quickly included Buffy the Vampire Slayer and its spinoff Angel. Had to chuckle as these are two of Mrs. Sips favourite all-time programs. (See, hon, I’m not the only one who thinks this!)

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (5 Sips out of 5):
What a fantastic drink! I went out on a limb and used my Apple-Lime Juice as the mixer and what a fantastic choice it was. This is an obvious 5-star drink and I urge all of Sip Nation to put together the ingredients needed to pull this off on your own. You will not be disappointed.

February 7 – Lynchburg Lemonade

Posted on February 7, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

TV Injustice

It’s amazing with all the trash that airs on TV nowadays that some spectacular shows were never given a fair run and cancelled before they had a chance to gain an audience. Tonight, one of Mr. and Mrs. Sip’s favourite shows returns, as Community comes back to the airwaves with an abbreviated, delayed and, in all likelihood, fourth and final season. It’s really too bad Community was never given a fair shake, as it has a loyal following, but just can’t seem to gain ground in the mainstream. Here are some other shows that were treated poorly and unjustifiably lynched.

Boomtown

Running for only 24 amazing episodes, this drama was critically acclaimed, but the audience just didn’t pick it up. The series featured stories told through the point-of-view of the various characters (beat cops, detectives, paramedic, reporter, district attorney, etc.) and that’s where they went wrong. The viewing audience just couldn’t handle having to put together a story by themselves (why do you think jigsaw puzzles have seen a drastic drop in sales in recent times? Okay I don’t know that for a fact, but I assume so since we’re all become brain dead from watching too much Real Houswives of Minnesota or some such crap). Instead audiences rather be spoon-fed their CSI Miami, CSI Las Vegas, and CSI Neptune formula crime dramas. (Note: it’s too bad CSI doesn’t take place on Neptune, at least it would explain why they are always looking for clues in the dark)

Arrested Development

Its original run lasted only three seasons, with a rushed 13-episode final season, in order to wrap up as many storylines as the writers possibly could. Nearly seven years later, the series is returning to the screen with a run of 14 shows, to be followed by a feature-length movie. Arrested Development is the kind of show when each time you watch it, you notice new things and you have to really pay attention to catch all the jokes… that’s exactly why it didn’t work for most audience members who would rather watch a bunch of losers with no personality or apparently dating skills, chase an attractive, but equally uninteresting woman on reality shows like The Bachelorette. Mr. Sip was once a contestant, by the way… I’m still a little bitter after being kicked off on the first episode of my season!

Firefly

I am not a big Sci-Fi fan, but even I have to admit that this show was wonderful and deserved much more than the 14 episodes it was originally allowed to air. The Fox network bungled this one pretty bad, placing the show on Friday nights and advertising it as a comedy. Sure, there’s a lot of humour in the show, but drama and action were also integral parts of the series. Fan demand (or in this case nerd demand… respect them, when they make rare appearances in public, they come out in large numbers… just look at any Comic-Con event!) was so high for the show – with many people discovering it long after it had been cancelled – that a feature film was made, 2005’s Serenity.

Titus

For those that have never watched this show, I urge you to search it out and enjoy every moment of it. Starring brilliant stand-up comedian Christopher Titus, the show takes a sharp look at the dysfunctional family, which as Titus proudly states has now become the majority in North America. What is so special about white picket fences, anyway? Titus was one of many gems Fox dropped in favour of its rotating door of failures. (See Arrested Development and Firefly above, as well as Family Guy, Married with Children, etc.) I guess they also need space in their schedule for more American Idol audition broadcasts.

Deadwood

The fact that what would turn out to be the conclusion of this series was so anti-climactic still bothers me to this day. Of course, the producers didn’t know they wouldn’t be renewed for a fourth season and thought they had time to finish the story. I hate it when networks don’t let a show close out its storylines. They might as well be flipping all of their viewers over for a probing. I get it, production costs on a period piece are astronomical, but shouldn’t you know that when you get into that business? I kind of wish Al Swearengen had the chance to let loose on one of his obscenity-laced tirades against the HBO team that killed this fine show. Awesomely, the F-word was used nearly 3,000 times during the shows run of 36 episodes.

Drink #38: Lynchburg Lemonade

1 oz Whiskey
1 oz Triple Sec (I used Cointreau)
1 oz Sweet & Sour Mix
Top with lemon-lime soda
Garnish with lemon wedge

I implore all my little sippers to enjoy the 13-episode offering of Community we will get this season. If you’ve never seen the show before, do whatever you can to get caught up. Illegally download it, steal the DVD’s from your local entertainment store… hell, hack into the NBC network if you have to …I mean er, go buy the DVD boxset as The Sip Advisor does not endorse or promote the illegal downloading or pirating of copyright material (PS: Do video stores even exist anymore?). Trust me though, (and I know you do), watch Community, it’s worth it!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
A great drink. I like sour and fizzy and this cocktail had that in spades. I don’t know if anyone playing at home noticed, but that’s a McDonald’s straw garnishing the drink with its yellow stripe. Thanks, Ronald!

Sip Advisor

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Category Archives: Crazy & Classic Cocktails