Mrs. Sip’s Last Meal

After publishing what would be included in my last meal (if I were so lucky as to get to make such choices), I thought it might be fun to try and prepare a similar feast for Mrs. Sip. My muse had no input prior to when I asked for her involvement, where she will mark my work in each section. Let the fun begin:

Mains (3):

Quesabirria Tacos – Mrs. Sip and I first had quesabirria at a craft brewery in Boston and it blew our minds. It has since become a favourite dish of Mrs. Sip, typically consumed at amusement parks and drinking events.

Lobster… completely deshelled by anyone else! – Mrs. Sip is a lobster connoisseur, so long as she doesn’t have to do the dirty work. Perhaps she can use the meat to compile another preferred meal of hers, a lobster roll.

Eggs Benny with bacon instead of ham – Mrs. Sip is such a fan of brunch, I believe it’s her favourite meal of the day. While she doesn’t typically stray too far from the traditional serving of the dish, she always subs bacon for ham where possible.

It was fairly easy to put together Mrs. Sip’s main courses. While other contenders were considered, such as a plain cheeseburger from McDonald’s, the only fast food Mrs. Sip likes; pepperoni pizza, with stuffed crust and light on the sauce; and an Indian dish like butter chicken or palak paneer, complete with garlic naan; the three items I chose are above and beyond preferences of hers.

Mrs. Sip’s Mark: 4.75 – Very well done! I would only add melted butter and a glass of dry white are lobster meal necessities. Aaannnnd Ma Sip’s cornflake breaded chicken and cheesy hash browns would be a serious contender (you should definitely learn to make it!). I had to deduct 0.25 for not mentioning how the Quesabirria Tacos should be fried in crispy cheese for maximum delciousness!

Sides (4):

Charcuterie Platter with LOTS OF CHEESE!!! – Cheese and crackers… you’re basically describing Mrs. Sip’s teenage diet. Add some other nibblies, such as some cured meats, as well as dark chocolate and nuts to mix things up, and she has everything she needs to pair with one of her preferred beverage choices below.

Seven-Layer Dip with Chips – Mrs. Sip loves her some tortilla chips and her preferred dip to dunk those chips into has seven layers of goodness. I recently made the mistake of picking up what I thought was a seven-layer dip, but was merely a ‘Fiesta Dip’. I paid dearly for those missing couple of layers.

Seafood Chowder – In our many travels around the world, Mrs. Sip has enjoyed a number of chowders. This includes visits to Dublin, San Francisco, Boston, Disneyland, Halifax, etc.

Caprese Salad – Providing the ingredients are fresh, such as they are in Europe, this is Mrs. Sip’s favourite salad.

This was perhaps the most challenging segment of this exercise, with many dishes worthy of consideration. I wanted to use one slot simply for bread, as Mrs. Sip loves that being included prior to meals, however I felt the four appies I chose better reflected a meal worthy of consumption. Other notable sides that were left off, included Chicken McNuggets with sweet and sour sauce, a baked potato with all the fixings, nachos, cornbread, and cheesy bread.

Mrs. Sip’s Mark: 4.0 – This is pretty well done and would likely change on any given day. I think I would sub out charcuterie for a really good garlic cheese bread, but this is dependent on just how much good wine is on hand. Also, is there truffle burrata and red wine cheddar on the board? Hmmm, hard choice!  Burrata for the caprese and a breadbowl for the chowder, and those sides sound just about right! However, I would take the appie-sized butternut squash ravioli from Cactus Club as my number one side!

Snacks (2):

Popcorn – A childhood favourite treat for Mrs. Sip (which she passed onto the Siplings) has remained a preferred snack during movies, sporting events and amusement park visits.

Beef Jerky/Pepperoni Sticks – Another ingredient of her younger years, Mrs. Sip will often pick up one of these products from the impulse buy area of store checkouts.

Another easy section to compile for the lady of the house!

Mrs. Sip’s Mark: 4.75 – Don’t forget the popcorn needs to be drowning in real butter!!!

Desserts (3):

Ice Cream Cake – Mrs. Sip loves ice cream cake, with Dairy Queen novelties regularly being served for her birthdays and other milestones. Another version she enjoys is the Billy Miner Pie offered by The Keg restaurant chain. She even likes this indulgent dessert, despite its coffee flavour.

Crème Brûlée – I have watched Mrs. Sip eat many servings of crème brûlée, as it is not among my own likes. Perhaps that’s why she orders it, eliminating the need to share. Either way, Mrs. Sip especially enjoys the burnt top of this meal finisher.

Cookie Dough – Sometimes, the cookies don’t even get baked, as Mrs. Sip (not unlike other females) has been known to consume the dough straight from whatever device it has been cased in. Warning labels be damned, sometimes stuff is better raw.

This was another difficult section to fill out, as Mrs. Sip likes a number of sweet treats. I almost included a Nanaimo Bar to completely troll my love, who as a youngster once feasted on too many at a family party and ended up getting sick. She hasn’t touched one since. Notable omissions, included scones with clotted cream and jam, as well as chocolate fondue.

Mrs. Sip’s Mark: 4.95 – I think this is pretty accurate. I may replace Creme Brûlée with salted chocolate caramels from Purdy’s, but I’m really not sure myself when it comes down to it.

Beverages (2):

White Wine – Regardless of grape (chardonnay, pinot grigio/gris or even bubbly), Mrs. Sip loves her wine, preferably sipped in a beautiful vineyard.

London Fog Chai Tea Latte – This is practically a daily treat for Mrs. Sip. I’ve picked up so many for her or driven her to get one over our many years together that I have second-hand London Fog issues.

Another fairly easy category to curate for Mrs. Sip. Narrowly missing the cut here were drinks such as Horchata and a Mai Tai cocktail.

Mrs. Sip’s Mark: 2.75 – 0.25 deducted for calling a London Fog a CHAI tea latte. Tsk, tsk. Chai lattes are good, London Fogs are better. I would also just accept a cup of Double Cream of Earl Grey (with a splash of milk). HOWEVER -2.0 for “regardless of grape!?” Sir, you did NOT!!! Now I’m not deducting full points as I assume the slip was omitting the word “dry”. Then you would be correct, as I like any good dry white wine varietal. But if someone had brought me a Moscato or Gertz for my last meal, I would probably have just cried into my cup. Make those corrections and this was 5/5.

Rusty Rail

  • 1 oz Scotch
  • 1 oz Fernie Fog Liqueur
  • Garnish with Dark Chocolate

For this article’s beverage, I wanted to incorporate the Fernie Fog Liqueur Mrs. Sip bought me, as the flavours replicate an Earl Grey Tea taste. I also made sure to use the bottle of Scoth Mrs. Sip one at a whiskey tasting a few years back. Top it off with a chunk of dark chocolate, a callback to the charcuterie board mentioned above and you have a cocktail made for a queen!

December 16 – Christmas Blizzard

We Wish You a Meme-y Christmas

Today marks the 350th drink the Sip Advisor has presented on this site and as it has been with every 50-mark, I present to you some of the funny memes I’ve found on the internet. Given it’s Christmas, it will have a decidedly yuletide theme!

Cat Christmas Party

Office Christmas parties are a weird beast. For most, it’s the one time of the year when you see your co-workers a little lit up and acting in ways they wouldn’t around the office. It seems this little kitty got a little cray cray and wound up passing out on the floor. I’ve been there! Thankfully, I’ve never been “that guy” or “that girl” who takes things to the extreme and ends up with a lampshade on their head… or even worse.

White Christmas

I’m pretty sure most female members of the Sip Family follow this line of thinking. I enjoy snow at Christmas, although given I live in a part of the world where we don’t see much of the white stuff, our beautiful city completes shuts down with even a light dusting. Plus, most of the population is not prepared for snow and can’t drive very well in the best of conditions. I think I’d rather stick to the wines than the snow.

Santa Judges

Now that’s a job everyone would be envious of. I work 365 days a year and my only solace is that I also get to judge all of you! I’m an equal opportunity kind of guy, however, and I appreciate any judgments that come my way. Ol’ Santy Claus here doesn’t like us taking pot shots at him… like calling him fat… or lazy… or a bad employer. He’s watching me right now (who wouldn’t!?), so I guess I’m not getting anything but a lump of coal for Christmas.

Cat Song

I’m surprised the kitty isn’t interested in the 8 Maids Milking so it has some drink to wash down all those birdies! I wish I could get a costume like this on one of Ma and Pa Sip’s cats. Problem is I’d shed more blood than a Dexter kill room sees and the outfit still wouldn’t be on the animal. I do agree with the fluff ball above that no one really needs pears (aka the forgotten for a reason fruit).

some-batteries

Now what could she be using those batteries for? Wait, I know! Her TV controller must be out. The obvious answer is always sitting there right in front of you. You know, in these times, when I’m not very hopeful for the generations that are coming after mine, I find it refreshing that this youngster, regardless of his motives, is thinking of his mother’s enjoyment and passing that along to Santa, who will surely fill her stocking with goodies!

Drink #350: Christmas Blizzard

Christmas Blizzard Drink Recipe

  • 1.5 oz Malibu Rum
  • Top with Cream Soda
  • Garnish with Coconut Shavings

Feel free to send any funny Christmas memes my way. It’s a busy time of the year, but that’s makes it especially important to take a step back and enjoy all the little things out there!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
This cocktail is a little plain in taste. The Malibu Rum isn’t very noticeable. It’s still an above average drink, though, with Cream Soda being a pretty enjoyable mixer.

June 12 – Sour Sex

It’s All in the Name

Some would say that today’s drink does not have a very appealing name. However, while a wine connoisseur I am not, I’ve noticed that wines and wineries in general have some very, let’s say “unique” trademarks. There can be some really clever names for wineries, and then there can be some god awful brands. Here are some of the best and worst out there:

Best:

Mischief and Mayhem (France)

This winery name perfectly describes what you’re likely to get up to after a bottle or two of its grapes. Throw in a brand like Naked Grape and hopefully that’s in your future as well! While I’m not a regular wine drinker, I have had a number of adventures start with a bottle of red or white (or even the occasional rosé when I’m feeling particularly crazy!) so thank you for that wine world!

Mischief and Mayhem

Tex Zin (Texas)

I actually found this moniker on someone’s list of bad winery names and I don’t know what they were thinking. I think it’s pretty catchy in it’s relation to the term Tex Zin. I think Zinfandels are the asiest wine to play off of for a winery name. There’s also 7 Deadly Zins, Cardinal Zin, and Original Zin.

Moral Compass (California)

Every good drinker knows that the ‘moral compass’ theory is utter nonsense. With each drink, the compass gets more and more damaged and by the end of the first bottle you’ve either lost it or its readings are coming in completely jumbled. My moral compass has been missing for years, even after I tacked pictures of it to milk cartons around the world.

Mad Housewife (California)

The wine’s label reads: “Somewhere near the cool shadows of the laundry room. Past the litter box and between the plastic yard toys. This is your time. Time to enjoy the moment to yourself. A moment without the madness. The dishes can wait. Dinner be damned.” That about sums up the family experience and why I’m not necessarily looking forward to it. I won’t be reaching for wine in a situation like the one presented above. I’ll be slamming whiskey instead.

Mad Housewife

Screw Kappa Napa (California)

This is one fraternity or sorority that I would actually golf clap for. It is true that wine can make you sleepy, but there’s absolutely nothing wrong with getting afternoon drunk and having a brief cat nap before evening fun.

Stu Pedasso (California)

Say the name slowly and you’ll get the joke. There is some dispute over whether Stu actually exists and even if he does, whether this is his real name. If he does, I’d like to induct him into The Sip Advisor Hall of Fame. So, will the real stupid asshole please stand up? Ha, I didn’t say Sip Advisor says…

Worst:

Cat’s Pee on a Gooseberry Bush (New Zealand)

Is this supposed to describe the taste of the wine? The aroma? That’s just what we need in today’s world… a wine that smells like ammonia and tastes even worse. I’m pretty sure cats don’t even pee on gooseberry bushes anyway. Perhaps if it were called Cat’s Pee in a Litter Box, it would make more sense… and be even harder to swallow.

Cat's Pee on a Gooseberry Bush

Booger Swamp (North Carolina)

This winery name gives me the mental image of a backwoods family flicking their nose gold into a swamp and then using a giant paddle to stir the mixture up before bottling the substance. So. Not. Right.

Clos de Pise (Italy)

Roughly translated, this winery name means “field of piss”. Again, is this an idea we want to relate to something we are about to ingest? Imagine this was part of the wine making process, to flood the field of grapes, much like cranberries are with water, only this time the H2O is substituted with…well you get my point. Would wine be nearly as possible if this were the case?

Frog’s Piss (France)

Continuing what now appears to be the very original theme of comparing wine to urine, we now have this lovely French Winery. Nothing beats a nice refreshing glass of… Frog’s Piss??? Do frogs even pee? There’s so much I still need to learn. It figures a culture that indulges in frog’s legs would find uses for other parts of the amphibian, including its bodily fluids!

frog's_piss

Hair of the Dingo (Australia)

I’m sure this is meant to be similar to “hair of the dog”, both of which would be equally disgusting to drink. I will, however, take my morning after booze in the form of hard alcohol and not fermented grapes. Did we ever learn whether or not that dingo ate her baby?

White Trash White/Redneck Red (California)

I’m assuming that this wine is produced in a large oil drum – and an unwashed oil drum at that – by a group of rednecks who have grown tired of the risky moonshine business and have pledged to go legit with a winery. Sadly, their dreams will come to a crashing halt when Cousin Cletus realizes that they’ve been making moonshine all along and never came up with a new recipe.

Drink #163: Sour Sex

Sour Sex Wine Cocktail

  • 1.5 oz Whiskey
  • 1 oz White Wine
  • Top with Lemon-Lime Soda
  • Splash of Lemon Juice
  • Garnish with Warheads Sour Twist

I’d be interested to know how many people will buy a wine solely based on its name. Then, I’d like to know how many of those people end up having a good experience and how many regret their purchase. These are the kinds of statistics we should be looking into, not wasting our time with childhood obesity and global warming!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (2.5 Sips out of 5):
I could only assume that sour sex would be disappointing, and this drink is much the same. There’s just something a little off with concoction. Whether it’s Whiskey not mixing well with White Wine, or Lemon Juice wreaking havoc on the recipe, something is just not right. It’s a passable cocktail, but I can’t give it any more credit than that.

June 10 – Funky Garlic

Let the Wine Flow

The internet is filled with wine memes; some good, some bad. This is a small collection of memes I think are worth checking out, giving folks a little chuckle with their daily dose of libation goodness:

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Why can’t it be both!? Sure, wine can lead a woman down the path of awesome, but what really takes the fairer sex over the edge is the dude who gives her confidence and makes her comfortable in her own skin. Admittedly, it works both ways, but we would never credit beer with making us feel sexy and strong… drunk and disorderly fit that bill a little better!

finewine

Well, the ladies had their fun in the first photo and us fellas get our revenge here. I must say, if women love their wine so much, why would they be angry to be locked in the wine cellar? I guess the wine would eventually run out and it might be a little boring, but for the first week or so, you could have your own little one-woman party!

i-love-wine-funny-pictures

I’m pretty sure the exact same thing has happened to me before with Mrs. Sip! I let it slide because when she hears me say “I love you” before bed at night, I’m either talking to my cocktail nightcap or my serving of cookies and milk. Can you feel the love, little sippers!?

Sink Fixed

Damn, if I could turn one of my sinks into a wine dispenser, or better yet, a whiskey or rum version of the picture above, I’d be the happiest man in the world… and I’m basically there already, so let’s push me over the edge. I’m asking all my handyman friends out there to make my dream come true… I’ll even consider it an early birthday present!

funny-wine-someecards

This is a great idea and we might be onto something for the wino/vagrant community. Personally, I think tequila bottles would benefit most from this sort of marketing because you can get a little loco when pursuing the worm!

Drink #161: Funky Garlic

Funky Garlic Wine Cocktail

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
I really don’t get the name of this drink. That said, it tastes decent, but the Wine is largely buried. The Cola is quite prominent in the recipe, perhaps a little overwhelming. Combining Wine with conventional mixers like Cola and Lemon-Lime Soda makes for an interesting concoction, but it falls a little short in the taste department.