New Zealand – Pink Haze

Island Inhabitants

The Sip Advisor is a huge fan of New Zealand and it is perhaps the place I would choose to live if forced to leave Canada (it may happen one day!). I could become the country’s next big thing… and there are some serious high profile personalities to contend with. Here are some of the most famous citizens of New Zealand, affectionately known as Kiwis!

Kiwi Birds

Mrs. Sip’s sister (an avid reader) will love me for writing this piece on the kiwi bird, a national icon of New Zealand… so long as I don’t advocate for the mass consumption of the bird as a delicacy. The video game NewZealand Story focused on the adventures of Tiki, as he tries to save his mate Phee Phee and other friends, who have been abducted by a blue leopard seal. Kiwis live in pairs and mate for life, so Tiki and Phee Phee may have been together 25-50 years.

Kiwi Bird

AJ Hackett

An original bungee jumper and operator of the first commercial set-ups for the extreme sport, Hackett famously jumped off the Eiffel Tower in 1987, helping to popularize the whole concept. He also holds a number of World Records in the discipline. The Sip Advisor is a bungee enthusiast, completing my first jumps where else but New Zealand. I’ve even plunged off the Auckland bridge, dipping into the harbor far below and I have Mr. Hackett to thank for all of my thrills.

Sir Edmund Hillary

A distant ancestor of one Mrs. Sip, Sir Edmund Hillary was the first person (along with Nepalese guide Tenzing Norgay) to conquer the summit of Mount Everest. Forever grateful to the people of Nepal, Hillary spent a great deal of time there, setting up schools and hospitals to help the Sherpa people, through his Himalayan Trust foundation. The dude was knighted for his achievements, was viewed as New Zealand’s most trusted citizen, and is even on the country’s $5 bill.

Peter Jackson

The director most famous for taking on the Lord of the Rings trilogy and its Hobbit prequel series, Jackson has also worked on such notable films as King Kong and The Adventures of Tintin. Jackson is so fond of his homeland that he chose to bring the filming of the J.R.R. Tolkien books to New Zealand. Mrs. Sip and I visited Hobbiton, as part of a tour stop, but were more interested in grabbing a snack than posing in front of miniaturized doorways!

Peter Jackson

Lucy Lawless

Xena: Warrior Princess herself, Lucy Lawless was a perfect blend of strong and sexy when she starred in the mythological fantasy series. Lawless went on to appear in a number of other shows and has even launched a successful singing career. She currently has a recurring role on Parks and Recreation as the wife to Mr. Ron Swanson. If he can love her, then she should be in everybody’s good books!

Flight of the Conchords

Comprised of Jemaine Clement and Bret McKenzie, Flight of the Conchords began as a musical-comedy performance duo before venturing into the TV world together. The boy’s HBO show is extremely funny, with fellow Kiwi Rhys Darby joining in the fun as band manager Murray and Kristen Schaal as their lone fan. Sadly, it only ran for two short seasons, but in that time, they created a number of great songs, including Too Many Dicks on the Dance Floor and Hurt Feelings.

Lorde

While I’m personally not a fan of this young artist’s work, Mrs. Sip can be caught belting out her tunes from time to time, and she should be commended for hitting it big at such an early age. Hopefully, she doesn’t burn out like other teen stars. Born Ella Marija Lani Yelich-O’Connor (I can see why she shortened her stage moniker), Lorde’s first hit ‘Royals’ won her two Grammy Awards and she has enjoyed continued success with the song ‘Team’.

The Bushwackers

These rowdy New Zealanders were originally known as The Sheepherders, an ultraviolent tandem of brawling wrestlers, before they arrived on the scene of the child friendly World Wrestling Federation and became the goofy, loveable Bushwackers. Luke and Butch were known to do anything to win a match, from lick their opponent’s faces to use each other’s heads in a battering ram maneuver. The team even battled Steve Urkel and Carl Winslow on an episode of Family Matters.

New Zealand: Pink Haze

Pink Haze Cocktail

  • 0.5 oz Blackcurrant Liqueur
  • Top with Sauvignon Blanc Wine
  • Dash of Grenadine
  • Garnish with an Orange Slice

Also unique to New Zealand is Black Water Rafting, which Mrs. Sip and I participated in while visiting the country in 2008. In this activity, you explore the caves of Waitomo, repelling and ziplining into the dark depths, before floating downstream with vibrant glowworms lighting your route. You finish by scaling a small waterfall before returning to the surface.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
This drink provided the first chance to use the homemade Grenadine Mrs. Sip and I concocted recently and it was delicious. The Sauvignon Blanc Wine from The Ned is a very interesting vino with a fruity flavour that’s hard to describe, but goes down easy. All in all, the cocktail was quite nice and enjoyable.

May 24 – Crackhouse

There Goes the Neighbourhood

Last week we took a look at some of the best neighbourly relationships ever, which means this week, it’s time to do an about face and examine the worst neighbours you could ever find yourself living next door to. Prepare to see the neighbourhood go down the tubes:

#5: Homer Simpson & Ned Flanders – The Simpsons

Ned is the consummate neighbour (or neighbourino as he would prefer to put it) and has an almost infinite well of patience for Homer. Despite that, Homer can’t stand stupid sexy Flanders and always seems to be at odds with the mustachioed one. With the way the two treat each other, you’d figure Ned would be the one to be short and rude with Homer and not the other way around. For example, half of Ned’s possessions have found their way into the Simpson home, as Homer seems to borrow items with no return date and Homer is jealous of the Flanders superior lifestyle.

homersimpsonzombie

#4: Jerry Seinfeld & Cosmo Kramer – Seinfeld

These two may actually be friends, but Kramer’s penchant for using Jerry’s apartment as an offsite location for himself would grate on any person. Kramer’s constant raiding of the fridge, use of the telephone, and occupation of Jerry’s couch would drive me crazy. Worst of all, Kramer is friends with Jerry’s sworn enemy, Newman, and often brings him around to the apartment. Add in Kramer’s string of bizarre adventures, get-rich-quick schemes, and other outlandish behaviour and you’re in for a bumpy ride, whether you like it or not.

#3: Winslow Family & Steve Urkel – Family Matters

Sure, by the end of each episode whoever Steve had upset within the Winslow family had made peace with the uber nerd, but that kid brought some serious tough times to the household. Steve’s clumsiness caused an untold number of repairs to be necessary to the home and because his own parents were so absent in his life, Steve practically lived with the Winslow’s. The threat of a surprise visit from the suspender-clad dork would cause great tension for myself, even though I love the guy. I just don’t think I could take the destruction that follows Steve like a cursed shadow.

Urkel Damage

#2: Bundy Family & D’Arcy Family – Married with Children

While most of them are reasonably amiable with one another, Al and Marcy have been feuding for years and things get even more tense when Marcy’s women’s group clashes with Al’s NO MA’AM organization. Admittedly, it would be tough existing next door to the Bundy clan and their unique way of living. From the always scheming Bud, to dim-witted Kelly, to parents Al and Peg, who are always taking advantage of the more well-off D’Arcy’s, it would be exhausting to come home. Then again, you can’t feel too bad, given they don’t seem to even like each other, let alone their neighbours.

#1: John Gustafson, Jr. & Max Goldman – Grumpy Old Men

The way these two curmudgeons prank each other comes from years of being rivals. John and Max have grown up together and even competed over girls during their younger days. That set off a lifelong animosity between the two neighbours, one that flares up when an attractive woman moves into the town and both grumps end up fawning over the lady. In the end, the joke is all on John and Max, though, as their kids end up married to one another, meaning the two will forever be linked. Something could also be said for the two old men needing each other, whether they realize it or not.

Super Saturday Shot Day: Crackhouse

May 24

  • 1 oz Blackcurrant Liqueur
  • 0.5 oz Peach Schnapps
  • Splash of Cranberry Juice
  • Garnish with Cranberries

All that’s left is to decide which one of you has to put up the ‘For Sale’ sign. Either that, or continue to battle forever, passing the torch on to future generations. Sometimes you just have to stand your ground and hope for the best!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I liked this shot. It could have been too sweet, but the Cranberry Juice neutralizes that. For some reason, I really love chewing on Cranberries when the shooter is done. Yeah, I’d probably be one of those neighbours you hate with vehement passion!

September 7 – Jelly Bean

Meme-orization

Today marks drink #250 and as we’ve done every time we hit the half-century mark, the Sip Advisor presents to you a smattering of hilarious alcohol-fueled memes!

burn-the-beer-schlitz-ad

Some people will never be good cooks, but so long as there’s beer nearby, men and women alike will never go without sustenance. There’s nothing wrong with the odd liquid dinner. I’d say I go liquid only four to five times a week. I do follow that up, though, with a dessert of burgers, hot dogs, and pizza, so everything works out in the end!

drunk on patios

Is there a better place to drink than on a patio? Well, perhaps in your underwear on your favourite couch, but patios are a close second! Mrs. Sip and I love to find a nice little spot where we can be one with the outdoors, while sharing good times with friends, family, and liquor. That’s about as outdoorsy as we get, preferring all the comforts the indoors have to offer.

Don't Judge

One day, when the world goes to hell (even more so than it already has), there will be an epic battle between the forces of good and evil. On one side, will be all us boozers. On the other side, will be the people who think so highly of themselves that they look down upon all the people that are actually enjoying life. The winners will inherit the earth and providing we’re not too busy nursing a hangover, my money is on us!

beersign

I’ve found my short-term memory to be absolutely horrible lately. Whether that is the result of age or all the drinking I do… where was I going with this!? In all seriousness, I’m not too worried about my short term memory being unreliable. As long as I can remember all the important stuff, like my name and such, I don’t necessarily see a reason for all that other junk.

Liquor Shopping

This is a fantastic question Mr. Dinosaur. This is something we could debate for hours on end (and I look forward to our next conversation) but ultimately, the results are the same. Regardless of where you are, you’re going to spend stupidly on things you technically don’t need, but they’ll be a pleasure to have while it’s there!

Red Solo Cup

Red Solo Cups are perhaps the greatest party tool ever invented. I never really knew that they were designed to give users an idea of measurements until I saw this meme and that makes them all the more amazing. What if you used the cup to make a layered drink of each listed alcohol and filled it to the proper line. A beer, wine, liquor combo. I’m going to have to give that a try sometime!

Drink #250: Jelly Bean

Jelly Bean Shot

  • Rim glass with Jelly Beans
  • 0.5 oz Southern Comfort
  • 0.5 oz Sambuca
  • 0.5 oz Blackcurrant Liqueur

250 drinks is quite the milestone. Have you enjoyed the ride so far?

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
The shooter actually does taste like a Jelly Bean, so that was a pleasant surprise. If you don’t have a Blackberry or Blackcurrant Liqueur, you can always sub Grenadine in its place. The Jelly Bean rim was a bit of a pain to put together because I wasn’t able to pick up the exact Jelly Beans I had envisioned for this shot, but it came together well enough, with the assistance of Mrs. Sip!

September 1 – Kir Royale

Your Majesty

There have been many fictional monarchs over the course of history. Some rulers are worthy of mention, while others have had subpar reigns. Here are some of the most liked and most hated to take the throne:

Joffrey Baratheon

As I’ve written before, I can’t wait to see this little brat get his comeuppance. It will happen and the only question is who will deliver that sweet blow? Will it be Tyrion Lannister, who has struggled to rein in Joffrey’s psychopathic behavior? Will it be Daenerys Targaryen, who is building an army to reclaim her family’s rightful place of power? My money is on Arya Stark, who only has sweet revenge on her mind. It will probably be someone we never expected, however. And if you are one of those self righteous people who has some inside knowledge because you’ve “read the book” (cough, cough, Mrs. Sip), don’t tell me a damn thing!

Joffrey

Jerry ‘The King’ Lawler

Jerry Lawler earned his crown in the Memphis wrestling territory and went on to hold that region’s championship countless times… it probably helped that he was usually an owner of the promotion. World Wrestling Entertainment used to also host an annual King of the Ring tournament, which was won by such dignitaries as Randy Savage (with Queen Sherri Martel), Steve Austin, and Brock Lesnar.

Queen of Hearts

Off with their heads! Poor Alice, stuck in Wonderland and having the most bizarre time ever… she goes from a quiet game of croquet to running for her life, while some mad queen wants her head served up by the executioner. And they call croquet a gentleman’s game (I don’t know that for fact, if you haven’t already noticed by now I just make stuff up as I go along). Luckily, Alice escape with her skull still attached to her body, but will she ever be the same?

Kingdom of Eternia

Most people are probably asking: what the hell is this. Well friends, this kingdom would consist of King Randor, Queen Marlena, Prince Adam, and Princess Adora. The last two are otherwise known as He-Man and She-Ra. Together, they were part of one of the greatest marketing concepts ever: combining action figures with cartoons and comics. I only wish I had come up with this billion-dollar idea.

He-Man & She-Ra

Evil Queen

There are few queens that are as wicked as the Evil Queen. She actually enlisted a huntsman to track down Snow White, the fairest of them all, kill her and bring back her heart as proof of the assassination. Her maliciousness has only been heightened on Once Upon a Time where she continues her battles with Snow White, Prince Charming, and all the other characters of Disney fantasy.

Burger King

I wish that I was king of burgers… I’m sure this would come with an endless supply of the meals from all parts of the world. You could probably summon a burger whenever you wanted one. Then, all you’d have to do is become buddies with the Fry King and Milkshake King and you’d have the full meal deal! As long as I didn’t have to look as creepy as the Burger King mascot, I’d be fine with the challenges and responsibilities of such a title.

Simba

Of course I had to have a kitty entry into this category. King of the Pride Lands, Simba has a rough go of things when he is led to believe that his actions caused his father Mufasa’s death. Thankfully, he meets Timon and Pumbaa, who restore his confidence. He also bangs his childhood sweetie, Nala, and then returns home to battle his uncle Scar over his right to the throne. Upon victory, he literally becomes the Lion King, although I have a feeling other kitties would challenge his claims.

Drink #244: Kir Royale

Kir Royal Drink Recipe

I think I’d be a good king, similar to how I preside over all you little sippers. I would make sure that my constituents are provided for in all realms of the booze world, including liquor, mixers, garnishes, and even drunken snackies like chips and pulled pork. If we really want to make this happen, let’s start a revolution tomorrow. Are you in!?

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
Mrs. Sip really liked this mix and she seemed to stumble upon the perfect fix for wines and champagnes that are a little too sweet. As for myself, I enjoyed the cocktail. The Blackcurrant Liqueur is a unique spirit and the Cherry garnish looked awesome!