January 17 – Attorney Privilege

Order in the Court

With Mrs. Sip’s birthday right around the corner, I thought I’d salute her profession and take a look at the greatest fictional lawyers. I have to preface this piece by saying that I did not include serious legal dramas, such as Law & Order (and all its subsidiaries), The Practice, Boston Legal, etc. So, without further ado, here are the litigators I’d choose to have watching my interests!

#5: Barry Zuckercorn – Arrested Development

Barry Zuckercorn has looked after the legal interests of the Bluth family for decades, but is out of his league when George Sr. is arrested and charged with investment fraud and even treason against the country. After years of negligent representation, Zuckercorn is finally replaced by the smooth, fast-talking Bob Loblaw, although is hired back when Loblaw deserts the Bluth’s. Still, you gotta love a lawyer whose ads ask: “Why should you go to jail for a crime someone else noticed?”

Zuckercorn

#4: Dan Fielding & Christine Sullivan – Night Court

One of the things that made Night Court so amazing was the banter back and forth between district attorney Dan Fielding and public defender Christine Sullivan – throw in judge Harold T. Stone and you have the makings of some fine legal repartee. Ironically, it was the sleazy, womanizing Fielding who was actually the prosecutor, while truthful and naïve Sullivan was the public defender. And who couldn’t love that wicked theme song blasted at the start of each episode!

#3: Lionel Hutz – The Simpsons

Lionel Hutz is an ambulance chasing, injury-faking, schyster, who makes every joke about lawyers seem accurate and all contempt hurled towards that profession justifiable. Hutz represented the Simpson family in a variety of suits, including Bart being hit by Mr. Burns vehicle, Bart ingesting a jagged metal Krusty-O cereal toy, and Homer being barred from a seafood buffet. This character could have had so many more great moments had its voice actor Phil Hartman not been tragically killed.

Lionel Hutz

#2: Vincent Gambini – My Cousin Vinny

The gruff, inexperienced lawyer – who seemed to be out of his element in the courtroom – eventually earned the respect of the entire court, including the judge who jailed him for contempt. Vinny’s different style of practicing law saves his wrongly accused cousin from a murder charge and possible death penalty. A sequel to the film never took place, despite a script being written. Marisa Tomei, despite winning an Oscar for her role as Vinny’s girlfriend, was not interested in reprising the character.

#1: Saul Goodman – Breaking Bad

When you represent (among other seedy clients) a pair of meth cooks, you’re bound to get a little dirty yourself… and that’s just the way Saul likes it. Heck, Saul Goodman isn’t even the guy’s real name. If you break it down, he’s really saying “It’s all good, man!” Saul is willing to go to all lengths for his clients, so long as the compensation is there. Saul will be getting his own show soon, aired exclusively on Netflix. So, if you ever find yourself in trouble, you “Better Call Saul!”

Super Saturday Shot Day: Attorney Privilege

Attorney Privilege Shot

  • 1 oz Bourbon
  • 0.5 oz Orgeat Syrup
  • Dash of Angostura Bitters
  • Garnish with a Lemon Twist

Wow, was this ever a hard list to narrow down… I would also hire Fletcher Reede (Liar Liar), at least before he went all soft; Harvey Birdman (Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law), because the Sip Advisor is really a rejected Hanna-Barbera animated character; and Ben Matlock and Perry Mason, simply because they’re badass lawyers who rarely lose a case, despite having the odds stacked against them!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I decided to go with this shooter, over another recipe, because Mrs. Sip is a fan of Orgeat Syrup and this drink is dedicated to her, after all! It was pretty good and what I would call a Man’s Man shot, what with the classic Bourbon and Angostura Bitters combo. This would make for a Mad Man-esque cocktail, if the proportions were upped.

Norway – Cloud Walker

Munch Mix

Norwegian artist Edvard Munch is famous for his masterpiece, The Scream. Let’s take a look at the man and what drove him to create such a haunting image, which is universally appreciated and an icon of Norway:

Munch was born on Decmber 12, 1863 in Löten, Norway, the second of five children. Tragedy seemed to follow the Munch family. When Edvard was very young, his mother died from tuberculosis, followed by one of his sisters. Another sister was troubled with mental illness issues and committed to an asylum in her teens and a brother died young after a bout of pneumonia. Munch, himself, suffered from mental health issues, which were exacerbated by alcoholism. The artist spent periods of time in a private sanitarium.

the-scream-grumpy-cat

After originally studying to be an engineer, Munch left school to pursue art, which he did at the Royal School of Art and Design, starting in 1881. From there, he rented a studio with six other artists, with the intention of creating an exhibition. Munch specialized in Expressionism and some historians believe he was the father of the movement, before it took off in the early 1900’s.

Munch’s first major work was called The Sick Child and illustrated the death of his sister. It was also based on times he visited ill patients with his father, who was a doctor. When it was first unveiled, the painting drew harsh criticism, with many detractors claiming the piece was unfinished. Munch made six copies of the painting, which reside in galleries around the world.

After moving to France in 1889, Munch got down to business, creating a number of pieces based on feelings for the 1902 Berlin Exhibition. These works included Despair, Melancholy, Anxiety, and Jealousy. Munch’s claim to fame, The Scream, was also created during this period. It is actually based on a real location in Ekeberg, Norway. With Oslo pictured faintly in the background, past the safety railing and down the hill was the sanitarium which housed Munch’s sister. There was also a slaughterhouse nearby and it’s claimed that screams could be heard emanating from both buildings.

The Scream Cat

There are four versions of the famous image. One hangs in the Norwegian National Gallery, one in the Munch Museum, and pastel and lithograph varieties also exist. The National Gallery’s version of The Scream was stolen in 1994 on the opening day of the Lillehammer Winter Olympics, with the two male burglars leaving behind a note that read: “Thanks for the poor security.” The National Gallery refused to pay a $1 million ransom for the piece and a police sting operation recovered the painting a few months later, as well as procuring convictions against four men that were later overturned.

The Scream was also one of two pieces stolen from the Munch Museum in Oslo, Norway in 2004. Masked gunmen nabbed The Scream, as well as Munch’s ‘Madonna’. The work suffered some damage before it was recovered in 2006. The piece was put on display for a short time, with damage and all, before disappearing for restoration work. It finally returned to being on display again in 2008. In all, six men were arrested in connection with the theft.

In 2012, The Scream sold for $120 million U.S., breaking the record previously set by Pablo Picasso’s “Nude, Green Leaves and Bust,” which went for $106.5 million U.S. in 2010. The piece went up in value because the frame is also painted by Munch and includes a poem describing his motivation for creating it. Bidding began at a mere $40 million, with the auction lasting more than 12 minutes.

the-scream movie

The Scream has found its way into numerous avenues of popular culture. It was the inspiration for Ghostface’s mask for the Scream movie franchise, which is known the world over. Pop artist Andy Warhol recreated the piece as a silk print, which became quite famous. It was also chosen by the Norwegian Postal Service as one of four Munch works to be turned into stamps. Imaging getting a letter with that haunting face staring back at you. No wonder so many Scandinavians go crazy!

In 1938, The Nazi’s declared Munch’s catalogue of work “degenerate art” and removed his collections from German galleries, putting them up for auction. Norwegian art dealer Harald Holst Halvorsen (the original Triple H) nabbed as many of the pieces as he could to return them to their homeland. Halvorsen then distributed some of the pieces to other parts of the continent, based on discussions he had with Munch and Munch’s desire for recognition in other parts of Europe.

Munch moved to Ekely, Norway and chose to live mostly in isolation, where he died on January 23, 1944, aged 81. He enjoyed painting the landscape and farm life in his twilight years, but perhaps more importantly, he did a fair bit of work on nude paintings with a slew of female models, some of which he likely had relationships with. Now, that is the mark of a true master!

Norway: Cloud Walker

Cloud Walker Cocktail

  • 1 oz Cloudberry Liqueur
  • 0.75 oz Whiskey or Bourbon
  • Top with Lemonade
  • Splash of Lime Juice
  • Garnish with a Lime Wedge

I must admit, that as I did research for this article, I was able to appreciate The Scream and other works by Munch more. Sadly, when the Sip Syndicate visited Oslo and tried to visit the Munch Museum, the place was closed. We all screamed in agony and then went to drown our sorrows at a nearby bar!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4.5 Sips out of 5):
Lemonade goes so well with Whiskeys and Bourbons. Luckily I’ve been around recently when a couple friends have had doubts to that. The Cloudberry Liqueur is the icing on this classic southern recipe cake and this was a wonderful cocktail which I will serve again in the future!

Morocco – Night in Casablanca

Lights, Camera, Action

If we’re being honest, for some people, the only exposure they have to Morocco is through the classic film Casablanca. Ironically, not a single scene of the movie was filmed on location in the city for which it’s named. Morocco, however, has become a popular destination for some of the world’s greatest directors and stars. These popular productions share Morocco as a location, despite rarely being set in the African country:

Game of Thrones

The immensely popular HBO TV series has filmed scenes around the world and that includes Morocco (Ait Benhaddou and Essaouira), which has provided the setting for the cities of Yunkai, Astapor, and Essos. This is where Daenerys Targaryen travels in season three to build her army. Morocco was also used in the pilot episode of the series and can perhaps take a little credit in the massive success of the show… but probably not the copious amount of sex, nudity, murder, and other misdeeds.

game-of-thrones-naked

Lawrence of Arabia

This cinematic gem was originally pegged to be filmed entirely in Jordan, but added other locales during production. Ouarzazate, Morocco doubled for the Syrian town of Tafas (site of the Tafas massacre), with Moroccan armed forces subbing in for the Turkish army. Apparently filming was problematic because of the unaccommodating soldiers. In the end, all Arab countries (except for Egypt) banned the movie due to its portrayal of Arabian culture.

The Mummy & The Mummy Returns

While four days was about all the Sip Advisor needed in Marrakesh, the first Mummy production stayed for 17 weeks. Kidnapping insurance was taken out on each of the movie’s stars, who weren’t told of this until shooting had wrapped. The sequel only used the Erg Chebbi Dunes as its “Egyptian” desert. For some reason, Morocco wasn’t used for The Scorpion King prequel to the franchise, nor the third film in the trilogy Tomb of the Dragon Emperor, although that story was based out of China.

Inception

The Christopher Nolan, Leonardo DiCaprio thriller featured a couple scenes filmed in Morocco, most notably the exciting chase scene set in the narrow alleys of the Tangier, Morocco medina. It also served as the place where Dominick Cobb adds con artist Eames and chemist Yusef to his team, prior to the dash. Finally, it is the setting for the riot images, as Cobb infiltrates Japanese businessman Saito’s mind at the start of the film.

inception-explained

The Man Who Knew Too Much

Another Alfred Hitchcock-Jimmy Stewart collaboration which sees an innocent family become embroiled in an international assassination plot, with their son even being kidnapped. The opening scenes of the film, including the murder of a French intelligence operative, are all filmed in Marrakesh, where Stewart and family are vacationing. This movie (murder, kidnapping, and assassination plots, oh my) provided the basis of what I expected from Morocco!

Gladiator

While this Ridley Scott, Russell Crowe epic is set in the Roman Empire, a large chunk of the movie was actually filmed in Ouarzazate, Morocco (which Mrs. Sip and I visited). This Berber city provided the location for Maximus’ gladiator training, early slave life, and scenes traversing the desert. A mud brick stadium for the battle sequences was built using local techniques. I guess that’s all fair enough, given the Roman Empire did extend into Africa.

gladiator-like-life

Othello

One of the first foreign productions to capitalize on Morocco as a filming destination, this Orson Welles adaptation of William Shakespeare’s classic tragedy ran into a number of logistical issues, resulting in using some unique filming techniques. This included a battle sequence was first filmed in Morocco, but finished while on location in Rome a few months later. When the film won the Palme d’or at the 1952 Cannes Film Festival, it was recognized as a Moroccan creation.

Prince of Persia

While perhaps not on the same level as the other films listed in this article, I have to mention this one, because Mrs. Sip and I were inside one of the Berber homes used during a battle scene of the movie. In fact, the production spent eight weeks in Morocco, which isn’t a huge surprise given the movie largely takes place in the desert. Hell, the movie’s subtitle is The Sands of Time… Morocco was an obvious choice for filming.

Morocco: Night in Casablanca

Night in Casablanca Cocktail

  • 2 oz Mahia
  • 1 oz Dry Vermouth
  • 0.25 oz Bourbon
  • Dash of Peychauds Bitters
  • 1 Sugar Cube
  • Garnish with a Lemon Wheel

Of course, not every movie made in Morocco is a classic… after all, Sex and the City 2 filmed there. Given it was hard for our crew to find cocktails around the country, I wonder how easily the girls were able to locate their favoured Cosmopolitans!?

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (2.5 Sips out of 5):
This cocktail was pretty strong, but the ingredients come together well. The Sugar Cube really helps even out the drink. Mahia is an interesting spirit and I’m not quite sure how I feel about it yet. I’ll have to give it another shot and see how it works out with different bed fellows…

May 31 – False Start

Legendary Leagues

Most leagues fail within their first year of operation. If they survive long enough to hand out their inaugural championship, then they usually face other elements of strife, such as low attendance, trouble landing a TV broadcasting deal, and teams folding or relocating. The waters are rough, but if a leagues treads long enough, it just may endure. Here are the top 5 defunct sports leagues and their intriguing stories:

#5: X Football League

Because the NFL just wasn’t fun enough, along came the XFL from World Wrestling Entertainment mogul Vince McMahon. Ironically, while most believe the ‘X’ stood for eXtreme, this is not actually the case and the ‘X’ was never defined. In partnership with NBC, the league only lasted one season. With a few rule changes that were meant to spice up pro football, the eight-team league was dogged by the stigma attached to professional wrestling and what many thought was an inferior quality of play. Ratings were initially strong, but dropped in half from week one to week two and continued to decline over the course of the year. The XFL fizzled out following the season-ending Million Dollar Game and closed up shop on May 10, 2001. Both McMahon and NBC reportedly lost $35 million each in the joint venture.

XFL

#4: SlamBall

A sport with trampolines and full body contact… sounds like a recipe for success to the Sip Advisor and the one time in my life I was mildly interested in the sport of basketball. When TNN (now Spike TV) was making strides to change its image from a country music station to a network geared towards male viewers, one of their early experiments was SlamBall. Unfortunately, the league only ran seasons in 2002, 2003 and 2008, but did hold an international tournament in 2012, in China. Created by Mason Gordon, SlamBall grew from six to eight teams for the 2003 season, but a disagreement between Gordon and Warner Bros. ended with the league being dissolved. The 2008 season returned to a six-team format and the winning coach was Samuel L. Jackson… er, I mean Coach (Ken) Carter.

#3: Roller Hockey International

The early 90’s were a wonderful time and part of that amazing period was the advent and popularity of rollerblades. So, along comes the RHI, hoping to capitalize on that fad. Games were even broadcast on ESPN2 during the early years, showing the potential popularity the sport could have harnessed. The high-scoring (RHI averaged 16.7 goals per game, compared to the NHL’s seven at the time) league played from 1993-97 and also in 1999. Played 4-on-4, a number of NHL alum also strapped on the blades, including Hall of Famer Bryan Trottier. Unfortunately, a planned Super Nintendo video game never materialized, although that fact probably saved me hours in front of the TV and instead, I was outside playing roller hockey! RHI folded operations for good in 2001, despite some of the best team names ever seen in sport.

RHI SNES

Sadly, it never came to be!

#2: United States Football League

Looking to compete with the NFL and offer fans an alternative to fill their growing football needs, the USFL may not have succeeded, but many of the innovations they brought to the game, as well as markets they used for franchises, would eventually be adopted by the NFL juggernaut. Backed by Donald Trump and others with deep pockets, the league produced a number of stars who also enjoyed success in the NFL, as well as two future wrestling World Champions in Lex Luger and Ron Simmons. The crushing blow to the USFL came when they filed an antitrust lawsuit against the NFL, claiming it had established a monopoly. Despite expecting a substantial windfall, the USFL was awarded $1 (that’s not a typo). Heavily in debt, the league ceased operations. The ESPN’s 30-for-30 documentary Who Killed the USFL? examines the league’s brief existence.

#1: World Hockey Association

Launching in 1972 with 12 teams, the WHA made an immediate big splash with the signing of NHL star Bobby Hull to a 10-year, $2.7 million contract. In all, 67 players jumped ship from the NHL to the WHA for the inaugural season. Sadly, the league was plagued with difficulties, including financial struggles, arena issues, teams relocating, and franchises folding. Four WHA franchises still exist in today’s NHL: the Edmonton Oilers, Winnipeg Jets (moved to Phoenix), Quebec Nordiques (moved to Colorado), and Hartford Whalers (moved to Carolina). The league’s legacy also lives on via European stars coming to North America, higher salaries, and a lower draft age. For an in-depth look at the WHA’s seven tumultuous seasons, check out Ed Willes book, The Rebel League: The Short and Unruly Life of the World Hockey Association.

Super Saturday Shot Day: False Start

False Start Shot

  • 0.4 oz Cider
  • 0.4 oz Bourbon
  • 0.4 oz Brandy
  • Splash of Lemon Juice
  • Garnish with an Apple Slice

Honourable mentions include the American Basketball Association, which was loosely spoofed in the Will Ferrell film Semi-Pro, and the Arena Football League, which cancelled their 2009 season, but has since been resurrected under new ownership. Which defunct sports league do you miss?

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
This shooter went down very easy and was fun thanks to the bubbles of the Cider. The Bourbon and Brandy flavours do play a role, but not too aggressively. That makes for a couple good Cider recipes for me in the last little while and I might be experiencing a change of heart as far as the beverage goes!

November 29 – Black Friday

Bloody Friday

I’ve never taken part in a Black Friday shopping event, at home or abroad. I don’t like crowds, waking up early, and the idea of fighting over limited deals. I did do Boxing Day shopping on a couple of occasions when Mrs. Sip and I were in our early dating years and those were bad enough that we fazed them out. Good thing, too, here are some of the craziest Black Friday stories!

black-friday-trample

Door Crashers

In 2008, a 34-year-old Wal-Mart employee was trampled to death in Valley Stream, New York when Black Friday consumers stampeded into the store. Shoppers continued to pour into the location, despite the injury and co-workers trying to stop the rush and help their fallen comrade. Even police where shoved by deal-seekers as they tried to assist on the scene. A pregnant woman was also hurt in the incident, begging the question: what the hell was she doing there in the first place!?

Toys R’ Us Kid

On the same day, across the country, two people were shot and killed following an altercation at a Toys ‘R’ Us store in Palm Desert, California. As two women began fighting, their respective male counterparts pulled guns on each other and ended up killing one another (no loss there!). The incident was said to be more personal than a fight over merchandise and could have been gang-related. When I go to Toys ‘R’ Us, I’m always packing heat!

Cutting Edge

In 2010, a woman was arrested outside a Toys ‘R’ Us (what is with people shopping for their kids?) in Madison, Wisconsin after cutting in line and threatening to shoot people who objected to her budging. No cuts, no butts, no coconuts, am I right! Lanessa Lattimore was quoted as saying, “I just wanted to get my daughter the toy that she wanted for Christmas, which probably won’t be there when I go today.” Did ya think they might restock sometime in the next month!?

Black Friday Savings

Pour Some Pepper On Me

In Porter Ranch, California, in 2011, a woman used pepper spray on fellow shoppers to “get an advantage” on them over discounted Xbox 360 video game systems. This was in a wealthy suburb, of all places! The attack injured about 20 shoppers and unfortunately, the perpetrator got away in the chaos… whether she was also able to grab her prized Xbox is unknown. You have to hope that at some point, karma comes back to haunt this loser.

‘Tis the Season

In 2011, Walter Vance, 61, collapsed after entering a Target store on Black Friday and later died in hospital from a previously known heart condition. These things happen, but the tragedy comes when people stepped over the man and continued their shopping while he was in distress. I have to point out, if you know you have a heart condition, why in the hell are you joining the madness of Black Friday… and this dude should have known better, he was a freakin’ pharmacist! Worst yet, apparently all he wanted was Christmas decorations. As if those couldn’t have waited!

Black Friday Survival

Parking Wars

Sometimes folks don’t even get into the stores before violence breaks out on Black Friday. Two people were shot outside a Wal-Mart in Tallahassee, Florida after a dispute over a parking spot. I think one of the things I hate most in life is crowded parking lots and the whole pursuit of a suitable spot. I know I’m far from the only one who gets put on edge as you spend countless time going up and down aisles hoping for an opening and when you finally find one, you feel like celebrating… with gun shots!

Love at First Line

Things aren’t all bad, though, on Black Friday. In 1991, two random people lined up outside a K-Mart in Valley Stream, New York and made small talk as they waited for seven hours for the store’s doors to open. Two years later, they married and in 2009, Matthew and Michaelle Tulloch, won a $1,000 shopping spree at Best Buy for sharing their story in an essay contest. The couple now has two kids and celebrates every Black Friday the same way they spent that fateful day in 1991.

Drink #333: Black Friday

Black Friday Drink Recipe

  • 1.5 oz Bourbon (I used Jim Beam Black Cherry)
  • Top with half Ginger Ale and half Cola
  • Splash of Lime Juice
  • Garnish with Crushed Lime Wedges

Did you know that the last Friday before Christmas has also been dubbed ‘Black Friday’ in the United Kingdom, due to it being a popular night for office Christmas parties and the resulting need for emergency services following hard drinking and an increase in fights!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I really liked this cocktail thanks to its taste and simplicity. My favourite touch of the entire recipe is to use Crushed Lime Wedges which are meant to honour the many that have been trampled attending these Black Friday sales. I thought that was such a great idea and tried to reflect that in my work.

November 17 – Southern Hospitali-tea

Whiskey, Bourbon, Scotch, Rye

Today marks the beginning of Whiskey Week at the Sip Advisor and while we will look quite closely at the Tennessee favourite, we will also examine all of the liquor’s familial members: Bourbon, Scotch, and Rye.

Drink #321: Southern Hospitali-tea

Southern Hospitali-tea Drink Recipe

So, how was school today? Not settle yourself on the couch for cookies and milk and afternoon cartoons… ah, those were the days!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
With a pretty simple recipe, you know full well what you’re getting into and in this case, that’s a good drink. The JD Honey Whiskey was a nice touch and worked well with the Iced Tea. I made sure to toss a fair bit of Lemon Wedges in the cocktail for added flavour. A nice addition would have been some Lemonade.

August 19 – Mint Julep

N’Awlins

We’ve travelled to many lands far and wide, but today we venture into the deepest, darkest parts of… New Orleans! Throw on your beads and mask cause things are about to get cray-cray around here. How crazy you ask? We’re talking take an episode of True Blood and turn it up to 11 crazy!

Eat Amazing Food

Alligator, gumbo, po-boy (sandwich stuffed with oysters and shrimp), crayfish… you name it, you can probably find it among N’Orleans eclectic restaurants. The place is also famous for hot sauces, so make sure to pick up a couple bottles that will make steam shoot out of your friend’s heads. Remember, chef Emeril Lagasse was heavily influenced by the New Orleans style, so it must be good. BAM!

Po Boy

Not true little Po, I love you lots!

Plantation Tour

On these tours, you will see some beautiful landscapes, wonderful architecture and learn the amazing history of the families that built and owned the properties. Perhaps you’ll even pick up on some of the Cajun/Creole ways and language or sit back and enjoy some fresh squeezed lemonade as you rock back and forth, fanning yourself, and complaining of the intolerable heat.

Live Music

Home to the birth of Jazz, as well as perhaps the most famous musician to ever scat, Louis Armstrong, you can bet any visit to ‘The Big Easy’ would be highlighted by live music performed in any of the city’s hottest venues. There is even jazz concerts at funerals in these parts. Visitors can also choose from a number of annual festivals to get their groove on, including the Jazz and Heritage Festival, Bayou Boogaloo, and Satchmo SummerFest. Or they can stroll down to venues such as Preservation Hall, to catch some of the top jazz musicians our time.

Show Your $&%@^#*

Even if you’re not there at Mardi Gras, there’s nothing wrong with flashing some skin… you might even be rewarded with beads, providing you got curves like Mrs. Sip! If you get taken away in cuffs, never fear, that’s just part of the foreplay! Apparently, nudity can be exchanged for other “trinkets” as well. While I wonder if the trinkets would have any value whatsoever, I’m up for some scientific investigation!

Beads Kitty

Air Boat Adventure

A favourite activity of one Sterling Archer, thanks to his obsession with Burt Reynolds and the movie Gator, these tours take guests through the waters outside the city, where they can view wildlife such as alligators, snakes, turtles, and a number of species of birds. If you want to take things at a slower pace, you can take a slower swamp boat tour or even a Mississippi River steamboat.

A Trip through History

For the history buffs out there, New Orleans provides a number of outlets to get your learning on. There’s Jackson Square (named after President Andrew Jackson), the site of the Battle of New Orleans during the Civil War, and the World War II Museum, among others. N’Orleans was founded in 1718, so that has given the place plenty of time to become marinated with history.

Bourbon Street Pub Crawl

It would fulfill a dream of mine to have a Mint Julep (today’s feature drink) at a Bourbon Street bar. New Orleans is also responsible for a number of other cocktail inventions, such as the Sazerac, the Obituary Cocktail, and the Ramos Gin Fizz. Joints like The Old Absinthe House and Lafitte’s Blacksmith Shop will have you throwing your doubloons around until the wee hours of the morning. Best of all, public drinking is allowed (if not encouraged) in the quarter.

bourbon faced

Cemeteries and Haunted Tours

In New Orleans, bodies are buried in above ground graves and tombs because of the high water table and increased probability of flooding. That, coupled with the city’s long history, including activity in the Civil War, and prevalence of occult culture (voodoo, etc.), makes for an interesting tour. The original Haunted Mansion at Disneyland was based on a New Orleans style antebellum home, so surely the real thing would be just as creepy!

Sports

I have a soft spot in my heart for the New Orleans sports scene, given that they’ve lost as many teams as my hometown of Vancouver and seem to always be looking over their shoulder as franchises threaten relocation. Your options consist of the Saints (NFL) and Pelicans (NBA) on the professional level, but there is also a myriad of college action to choose from in a variety of disciplines.

Drink #231: Mint Julep

Mint Julep

  • Muddle Mint Leaves
  • 2 oz Bourbon (I used Jim Beam)
  • 2 tsp Turbinado Simple Syrup
  • Garnish with Mint Sprig

I’ve only been to New Orleans once when I was 13, so I’m due for a return trip when I can actually get into bars. Mrs. Sip is there right this very minute and having a great time… lucky girl!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
This is a slow sipper drink thanks to the high concentration of liquor and really no mixers, other than Simple Syrup. My choice of Black Cherry Bourbon was nice for a unique flavour on the spirit side of things.

August 18 – Sunday Snuggie

Putrid Products

I love commercials for “As Seen on TV” products. The acting is hokey and the products range from ridiculous to utterly useless. Here are some of the craziest items, past and present, which will require shipping and handling:

Snuggies

I think what bugs me the most about Snuggies is that the commercial makes everyone look like a giant blanket-wrapped dork. While I’m not opposed to blankets, I would never be caught wearing one at tailgating parties, the theatre, sporting events, or anywhere inhabited by people or penguins. What’s next, the pillow hat? You can wear it when you want to take that quick cat nap on the train, at a park, or during those endless office meetings! Hmmm…maybe I’m on to something!?

Zoomies

These binoculars-on-the-go are both practical and the height of modern fashion… said no one ever (throw on a bright blue Snuggie while you’re at it and then you’ll look real bad ass… or like The Tick, whateves). The thing the makers don’t really point out is that Zoomies only let you focus on one particular spot in the distance. The commercial acts as if your entire vision will be enhanced.

Tush Turner

This swivel seat allows you to spin in a chair, thus eliminating even the most simple of torso movements. I’ve seen this product hilariously described as a Lazy Susan for your ass. You know eventually there will be a Guinness World Record for fastest Tush Turner or most Tush Turns in an hour.

Cami Secret

These commercials are classic for the awesome portrayals of they dying art of sexual harassment. I deplore this product, however, because it covers up women’s breasts. Don’t listen ladies, be loud, be proud, and flaunt your assets!

Kush Support

Speaking of sexual harassment, this allows women to maintain their cleavage while sleeping on their side. Brilliant, I say! I have often turned to Mrs. Sip while she is deep in dreamland and thought, ‘Man, I wish she had more cleavage right now.’ For those keeping score, that was a joke!

Booty Pop

While most women are trying to eliminate the junk in their trunk, the Booty Pop will provide all the vroom-vroom anyone could ever want. These butt-enhancers fill a back pocket in a similar vein to stuffing a bra, except it’s your backside. I say put a couple Pizza Pops in there and you have a quick lunch, too!

Better Marriage Blanket

So, the gimmick behind this little gem is that it absorbs the odor of farts so your wife (or maybe it’s the other way around) will never know you’ve been cooking under a Dutch oven all these years. I think the name is totally classic. If flatulence is a major concern for your relationship, then you’re in for a rough ride once kids come along!

Fanny Bank

In complete contrast to the Better Marriage Blanket, this piggy bank rewards you with a ripping fart upon making a deposit. I wonder if the fart gets louder with the more cash you shove into the butt crack opening… scratch that, I don’t ever want to know. Who makes this crap!?

The Backup

I know I’ve always wanted to have a gun rack located not directly beside my bed, not directly behind my bed but actually IN my bed. Luckily now I have been afforded that opportunity with The Backup, a gun rack that slides between your bed’s box spring and mattress. Now I just need a gun for my rack. The fact that a product like this even made it to air, tells us something quite disturbing about society. Even scarier, it’s probably a best seller.

UroClub

This ingenious device allows dudes to hold their real putter whenever they want on a golf course. It comes complete with retractable curtains, so you can relieve yourself in privacy, while your buddies merciless chirp you. There are other portable urinal products, begging the question, when will someone step up and seize the women’s potty-on-the-go market!?

SlobStopper

This giant bib for eating and drinking while driving surely has to be some kind of joke. How many stories are there of people spilling scalding hot coffee on themselves? However, this product won’t stop you from receiving third degree burns. Here’s a suggestion, maybe just don’t eat and drink while on the road.

Pajama Jeans

These pajamas are designed to make it appears as if you’re wearing jeans. Can you imagine actually wearing these out to a lounge or nightclub and impressing ANYONE!? These PJs give a whole new meaning to casual Friday at the office. Now all they need to do is design pajamas that look like dress pants and the corporate world will fall to the slackers!

Drink #230: Sunday Snuggie

Sunday Snuggie Cocktail

  • 2 oz Jagermeister
  • 2 oz Bourbon
  • Top with Sweet & Sour Mix
  • Dash of Grenadine
  • Splash of Cranberry Juice
  • Garnish with a Lime Wheel and a Maraschino Cherry

I’d love to order some of these items, just to see how well they actually work. I bet some of them would just be too ludicrous to own, but at least they might make great gag gifts.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
The drink was pretty potent thanks to the Jagermeister and Bourbon. I used Black Cherry Bourbon to add an interesting twist to the cocktail and the results were as awesome as expected. This was quite the recipe to put together, but totally worth it.

June 22 – Four Horsemen

Day/Dawn/Night of the Walking Resident Evil Dead

At some point in time, everyone likes to think about what they would do in the case of an apocalyptic world. Especially with all the media out today involving these situations and the huge obsession with zombie culture. Here’s how your faithful Sip Advisor would fare in a world without order…

First, let’s set the stage:

Pauly Shore has risen to President of the United States (can you imagine!), backed by all the burnouts of Generation X. He is, in fact, the Anti-Christ that Nostradamus warned us all about and he means business. After nuking half the planet, only the Western Hemisphere exists and we’re too busy partying to realize what’s going on until it’s too late.

pauly-shore-president

Here’s where the Sip Man comes into the picture!

While everyone is out getting their hands on any last food and supplies they can find, I’m out looting bars and liquor stores. This tactic has two-fold potential and benefits. First, if the world really has gone to shit, might as well be drunk and disorderly along with it. Second, when people are looking to get their fix, who do you think will wield all the power? That’s right, the boozers. I could charge ridiculously inflated prices (we’re talking stadium numbers) for my stock.

After I’ve begun to build my empire, people take notice and I gain a following. Too bad, I’m a lone wolf. I can barely take care of myself, let alone a mass of worshippers. I appreciate the sentiment, but it’s time to get outta dodge. President Shore wants Canada next.

Decked out in the best post-apocalyptic Road Warrior-style leather and spikes, I hit the road. There’s nothing left for me at home anymore. I work my way south – after all, we’ve always been led to believe that the south will rise again – and form an alliance with some of the best barbecue masters still remaining. Our strategy: bring the people in with barbecue and charge a king’s ransom for my booze. Plus we get all the pulled pork and beef brisket we could ever want to stuff our faces with.

Lord Humungous

I look so bad ass, I bet they’d take the time to make action figures of me!

We party for weeks on end, seemingly forgetting all our troubles, but eventually they catch up with us. Now it’s turned into one of those zombie apocalypse dealies. I’ve watched my fair share of undead horror movies and TV shows and here are my tips for staying safe:

  1. Zombies love cuddles… this has never been explored in zombie fiction, but in reality, if you hug a zombie, they will never kill you. If you’re willing to do even more with a zombie, then you might be able to lead an entire army of walkers.
  2. Don’t go outside. Why would you ever leave the safety of your home? You need food? Eat a couch cushion. You want some entertainment? I’m sure AMC will eventually put out an all-zombie network for us to enjoy. Then HBO will counter with their own zombie-demographic programming. We’ll be fine.
  3. If I’ve learned anything the past few years, it’s that zombies already exist. All we have to do is distract them with the same devices they are currently obsessed with. Put either a smart phone or Facebook in front of them, and they will be content for hours, just drooling all over the place, their faces aglow from high screen resolution.
  4. Really, your best advice in a zombie apocalypse is to never listen to me. I don’t have a grasp on reality, so how am I going to be any help with fictional worlds!?

zombie-apocalypse

Somehow, I’m able to survive and get to Mexico, where copious amounts of tequila convince people that I should be their leader and at the same time, I accept the position. Once again, we party like there’s no tomorrow… because there might not be one. I don’t treat my subjects very well, however, thanks to the summoning of my many spirit gods.

Then, in one of the saddest scenes you will ever witness, the ol’ Sip Advisor finally runs out of his nine lives. While reaching for a bottle of whiskey, I expose myself just a little too much and the coup trying to overthrow me is finally successful. Fade to black…

I bet you’re wondering where Mrs. Sip has been during this entire adventure. Well, she dumped my ass, got hitched to Pauly Shore and enjoyed the rest of her days in power and luxury. Buuuuuuddddyyyy!

Drink #173: Four Horsemen

June 22

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
On paper this looks like a pretty scary shot, but it went down very smooth and didn’t feel like I was being punished. Perhaps my choice of spirits helped, as I used Anejo Tequila, Honey Whiskey, Black Cherry Bourbon, and a nice Scotch. This shooter also provided me a perfect opportunity to bust out my new cowboy boot shot glasses, courtesy Ma and Pa Sip!