June 18 – Paradise

Paradise Found

Everyone has their own idea of paradise. Here’s mine:

Cat-Is-Ready-For-Paradise

Drinks

Let’s start with the easy stuff. There is a 24/7 all-inclusive open bar. All the best liquors from around the world are in full stock and the taps are filled with my favourite beers. Every garnish you can imagine is ready to be used and interesting glassware is in abundance.

Food & Snacks

All my favourites are served around the clock. We’ve even imported items from my preferred restaurants and room service is available at all hours of the day, with no extra charge. There is a bottomless (Mrs. Sip won’t be alone!) candy bar that is filled with all the finest chocolate, gummies, and sours the world over. Similarly, every chip flavor is represented with a fully-stocked chip bowl bar, where the motto is: “come for the salt, stay for the flavour!”

Wardrobe

It is illegal for Mrs. Sip to wear anything more than a bikini, including in the winter, although she is allowed to wear a robe then. Meanwhile, the weather is so perfect, that I spend my days in swimsuit and tank to show off my chiseled-out-of-rock body!

cute chick

Music

Classic rock tunes are pumped into the atmosphere non-stop and only shut off for naps and sleepy time. Mrs. Sip is allowed the odd dance tune, but it has to be approved by my commission of music experts and it will cost her half her wardrobe.

Movies & TV

Only the best in adult animated comedy is broadcast in my paradise… okay, I’ll allow some other programming, but it will largely be comedy-based, with only a few dramatic shows sprinkled amongst the line-up schedule. Everything is, of course, viewed on a state-of-the-art projection screen in our theatre wing.

Activities

Aside from the open bar and buffet, there are a few essential setting elements I can’t forget. There is a lazy river that I can wind down every day, eventually finishing off with a dramatic raft waterslide and pool drop. There is also a hot tub where we can party and relax our tense muscles. Looking for evening entertainment? How about trying your luck at the casino or taking your lady on a date night to the fully-stocked games room or even 18-hole mini-golf course! Finally, what dreamland would be complete without one of these…

paradise ball pit

Exercise

In a perfect world, we would all look exactly how we wanted without having to put any effort into keeping fit and healthy. That said, all my favourite sports equipment is readily available, including an ice rink for hockey and a complete gym. Best of all, in this little world, you don’t get gross callouses on your hands that take forever to fully heal. Let’s not forget about the hardcore calorie-burning sexercise either!

Miscellaneous

There has to be some pets in this perfect world and that would definitely include kitties and puppies. Birds are shot on sight, if they somehow manage to make it past my crack security staff. I think that about sums it up. Ah, I love imagination!

Drink #169: Paradise

Paradise Cocktail

  • 1.5 oz Gin (I used Tanqueray)
  • 1 oz Apricot Brandy
  • Top with Orange Juice
  • Garnish with Apricot Slice

I guess, for the most part, I basically described a cruise where you largely stay in your room, eat and drink what you want and have a number of entertainment options at your fingertips. What would you include in your paradise? There are NO wrong answers… except for birds!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
Like all Orange Drink/Apricot Brandy concoctions, this reminds the palate of a Creamsicle. The addition of Gin makes it a little boozier than other recipes, but it tastes good. I subbed Orange Soda for Orange Juice because I wanted to try something different and OJ, I’m just not that into you!

March 1 – Berrynade

Making Words Up

Well, you learn something new every day. Do you know what a portmanteau is? Sounds kind of like a dirty bedroom move, but it’s actually when two words are combined to make one. Kind of like the celebrity trend with couple’s names: Brangelina, Bennifer, TomKat. While those are utterly stupid, here are some portmanteaus (really roles off the tongue nicely… adding to its filthy sex maneuver mystique) that, like me, are pretty awesome:

Yellular – Ever notice how people’s voices go up about a million decibels when they’re on their cell phone? Right, because everyone on the bus wants to hear about your STD test results. If you got the clap, we’ll give you a round of applause!

Bromance – There’s absolutely nothing wrong with having a fond appreciation of your fellow man and sometimes there’s nothing better in the world than hanging with your buds, downing drinks, shooting the shit, and being stupid. Sex may top this, but if you’re in a “true” bromance, you’re getting that as well.

fotc_bromance

The Flight of the Conchords guys know all about bromance…

Nonversation – Ever talked to someone about absolutely nothing, but it still wastes 20 minutes of your day? Welcome to my workplace world, home of excruciating exchanges with people you don’t care to know anything about.

Social Notworking – Why work when you can spend hours a day liking Facebook statuses, posting photos of what you had for lunch on Instagram and hashtagging on Twitter?…Or making your next blog post…

Turducken – I’ve never actually had the pleasure of enjoying this delicacy. Perhaps someone can whip up a turkey-duck-chicken sandwich for me and e-mail it on over.

Chillax – The problem with me is that I chillax too much, to the point of really doing nothing at all. It’s my gift and my curse, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Chillax

Imagineering – Walt Disney coined the concept of combining imagination and engineering and in our own little ways, we can all live up to this title.

Kidult – Ask Mrs. Sip and she will exasperatedly confirm that I am a kidult. I won’t let age get in the way of enjoying anything from cartoons to playground equipment and everything in between. Just try and stop me.

Frenemy – I’m frenemies with too many people to list. Among them: Mrs. Sip, my publisher, and the network (all which may actually be the same person). But especially  my kitty. When he won’t sit with me, we are SO friends off…

Furry Frenemies

Edutainment/Infotainment – What I like to consider this blog (another portmanteau, in fact) to be.

Mathlete – One day we will look up to the great minds of our world, as we do to sports icons like Lance Armstrong, Tiger Woods and O.J. Simpson… okay, maybe those three are bad examples. I wonder if the intellectual world is rife with scandal as well, like mathematicians using protractors and compasses to do the dirty or something.

Mocktail – Won’t find any of those around here…

Sexercise – Is there a better way to drop a few pounds!?

Cardio Sex

Sexting – The thorough stretching that goes into a good round of sexercise.

Sexcapade – What happens when your sexting and sexercise get you in trouble… but I like trouble!

Emoticon – My favourite emoticon is the one as shown here:     :-0 <==8
Translation: Time for some archery, bitches!

Hangry – I get a little cranky when I’m hungry… speaking of which, I’m feeling a little peckish right now. Let’s wrap things up and get to today’s drink.

Drink #60: Berrynade (A Sip Advisor Original Recipe)

Berrynade Drink

  • 1 oz Gin (I used Bombay Sapphire)
  • 0.5 oz Raspberry Vodka
  • Top with Lemonade
  • Garnish with raspberries and a strawberry wedge

Much like a portmanteau, I took berries and lemonade and made Berrynade. Now it’s time to have some fricken (fried chicken) before procrasterbating (not going to break this one down for you!).

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
I liked this little recipe I put together on the fly. Bombay Sapphire is such a nice Gin to build on top of. The Raspberry Vodka and Lemonade just helped with some nice flavours and all the fruit garnishes were fun to eat along with the cocktail.