Bermuda – Bella Donna

Objectified

For a small island nation (population 64,237 according to a 2010 census), there are a number of objects that have been attributed to Bermuda. Let’s take a look at some of these items:

Bermuda Shorts

These coverings were introduced to the world by the British Army and were worn by soldiers in tropical and desert settings. In fact, the British Navy still wear them. Today, Bermuda Shorts are worn in their country of creation as business attire by men, when combined with knee high socks, dress shirt, tie and blazer. Sounds a little goofy to me, but whateves. Bermudans probably think what I wear to work is just as ridiculous.

meanwhile in bermuda

Bermuda Kite

Let’s go fly a kite, up to the highest height… I hope that song is now stuck in the heads of all you little sippers! The Bermuda Kite may vary in shape, but is typically hexagonal. The kites are mostly only flown at Easter in Bermuda and have taken on more of an art form role in the country. They are meant to symbolize Jesus Christ’s resurrection. Bermuda Kites have been used for world record attempts in the highest and longest flight categories.

Bermuda Grass

Other names for Bermuda Grass (or Cynodon Dactylon – it’s scientific title) include dog’s tooth grass, devil’s grass, and couch grass. The green stuff originates from the Middle East, but is found in abundance in Bermuda. While the grass is able to grow in salt-damaged soil, apparently, a version of this deadly weed-like lawn can produce cyanide in certain environments, accidentally killing livestock.

Bermuda Onion

A member of the Sweet Onion family, the Bermuda Onion was introduced to the country in 1616 and grew to be one of Bermuda’s greatest exports. As a result, Bermuda’s citizens were once known as ‘Onions,’ while Bermuda itself was known as ‘The Onion Patch.’ This industry saw a sharp decline after World War I, when similar onions began being farmed in other countries, namely the United States. Mark Twain once described the crop as “The pride and joy of Bermuda.”

grumpy-love-onions

Nautical Terms

Being an island, Bermuda has long had an association with watercrafts. Therefore, a number of seafaring objects and techniques have been given the Bermuda prefix. These include the Bermuda Fitted Dinghy, Bermuda Rig, and Bermuda Sloop. The Fitted Dinghy is a sail boat meant for racing using a design that dates back to the 17th century. The Rig and Sloop are different styles of rigging meant for sail boats, both developed around the same time as the Fitted Dinghy.

Animals

Among fauna unique to the country are the Bermuda Land Snail, the Bermuda Petrel, and the Bermuda Rock Skink. The Land Snail is thought to have existed for over 300,000 years. They were thought to be extinct at one point, thanks in some part to the introduction of edible snails, but a collection of them were found by a zoo intern in 2002 and efforts to repopulate the animal have since occurred.

snail-drunk

The Petrel is commonly called a cahow and is a nocturnal seabird. Early Spanish settlers avoided the island fearing that it was inhabited by devils, but it was actually the cries of the Petrel. When the English arrived on the island, the introduction of animals such as rats, cats, and dogs, resulted in the death of numerous birds, nearly wiping out the species. Today, the Petrel has recovered, thanks to being protected by law.

The Rock Skink, known as a rock lizard, these little guys only grow to about 8cm long, feeding on crickets, beetles, and small crustaceans. The Rock Skink is also protected under the law due to being endangered. I can’t have a ton of respect for the lizard, though, as they apparently can get stuck inside discarded bottles and cans and are unable to climb out… kind of like an alcoholic!

Bermuda: Bella Donna

Bella Donna Cocktail

It should be noted that there is also the Bermuda Triangle, which we looked at earlier this week. Although only one of the tips of the Devil’s Triangle touches Bermuda, the entire death trap has been given the Bermudan namesake. Perhaps Bermuda was the last to pass the blame on and got stuck with the moniker.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
Nothing against this drink, but I wasn’t a fan of how the Amaretto and Sour Mix came together. It didn’t taste bad, but it had its own unique flavour that took some getting used to. The cocktail was kind of booze heavy, but in the end I would give it my recommendation.

Chile – Ménage à Trois

Mine Craft

In 2010 the world was captivated by the story of 33 Chilean miners who were trapped underground for an astonishing 69 days – kind of ironic given the title of today’s cocktail! – before being rescued. That’s three sets of digits I’ve thrown your way already and here’s some more, as we look at the Copiapó mining accident by the numbers:

miner

August 5th – When the mine collapse first occurred, as a result of a cave-in. No souls were ever lost in my mashed potato mine cave-ins, but to this day, gravy is still cursed in the region.

15 Minutes – Duration of the claustrophobic ride to safety inside the rescue capsule… soon to be an attraction at Disneyland: Chile.

17 Days – When the first contact between rescuers and miners was made. The survivors had taped a note to a drill bit that was exploring the mine shaft, hoping to find signs of life. I’m a little surprised endorsement deals weren’t handed out by 3M or other companies claiming it was their tape that was used in the communication.

Foo Fighters - Miners

This was requested by two trapped Australian miners in 2006… whatever the Chilean miners asked for, they asked wrong!

18 Pounds – The average weight each man lost by the time the group was discovered still alive. All you little sippers out there should take note that this is a steadfast way to drop some pounds and get back into shape.

21 Inches – The size in diameter of the rescue capsule. Some might describe the shape of the pod as bullet-like, but others might come to a more phallic conclusion.

24 Hours – How long the entire rescue operation took to extract all the men who had been buried. That sounds about right, as it takes me about 24 hours to get myself out of any hot water with Mrs. Sip.

chilean-miners-media

The 33 – Name of the feature film being made on the entire ordeal. It’s set to star Antonio Banderas and Martin Sheen. Jennifer Lopez was once attached to the project and despite no women being among the trapped, you can bet Lopez would have seen a fair bit of screen time (largely shot from behind!) in some sort of grieving role.

54 Years Old – The age of foreman Luis Urzúa, who is largely credited with leading the group of miners through their ordeal. He was the last man to be raised to the surface. Having a drink with this hombre would be quite the experience.

121 Years Old – The age of the Copiapó copper-gold mine, which lacked proper escape equipment such as ladders in the ventilation shafts and up-to-date maps. To be fair, all 121-year-olds operate without all the necessary faculties.

sex-with-miners

If it wasn’t 33 dudes trapped, I bet it wouldn’t have taken 69 days for a successful rescue!

540 Square Feet – The size of the emergency shelter the miners were forced to occupy. That’s smaller than my apartment and Mrs. Sip and I often get in each other’s way as just two people.

2,300 Feet – How deep the miners were trapped. That’s like Jules Verne’s Journey to the Center of the Earth, one of many books I never quite finished!

$20,000,000 – The cost of the entire rescue operation, which was paid for by private donations, the mine owners, and the government. That $20 million could have gone to funding this site with an endless supply and selection of booze.

October 13th – The rescue effort is deemed a success with the final miner emerging from their tomb. Now let’s drink to their achievement and well-being!

Chile: Ménage à Trois

Ménage à Trois Cocktail

  • 1.5 oz Pisco
  • 2 oz Riesling Wine
  • Splash of Sour Mix
  • Dash of Simple Syrup
  • Garnish with Grapes

Aren’t numbers fun! I feel like the Count from Sesame Street right now… minus the accent, fangs, and cape. I do have the monocle however!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
This drink was a mix of sweet and sour thanks to the Riesling Wine/Simple Syrup and Pisco/Sour Mix, respectively. The Grape garnishes were a nice touch and I don’t get to play with them often enough.

September 20 – Blue Hawaiian

Mahalo

Mrs. Sip and I, along with members of the Sip Alliance are off to Hawaii in a couple days to celebrate my ‘Dirty 30’! I figured it would be a good time to look into things to do on the islands (I will focus on Oahu and the city of Honolulu, as that’s where we’re staying) and while the list could basically say “do absolutely nothing,” there are actually a few must-see and must-do attractions to be enjoyed!

Hike Diamond Head

While I’m vehemently opposed to any exercise while on vacation, the sights from atop Diamond Head are said to be spectacular, giving those brave enough to traverse the volcanic cone a view of the entire island paradise. I only wish it was like the 1975 game show The Diamond Head Game, where contestants stepped into a ‘money volcano’ and tried to grab flying cash!

Diamond-Head

Buy Something at the Aloha Stadium Market

When Mrs. Sip and I hit the market during our last visit, I grabbed a Hawaii 5-0 t-shirt that said “Book’em Danno” (my dad’s nickname for me when I was a wee little sipper), while Mrs. Sip grabbed a bottle of balsamic vinegar. There are so many other great items up for grabs here, but it doesn’t take too long before you tire of the search. Make sure to keep hydrated in the heat.

Pay Your Respects at Pearl Harbor and the USS Arizona Memorial

The Ben Affleck flick just doesn’t do the story justice… in fact, it probably detracts from the history. The site was home to Japan’s attack on the United States on Dec. 7, 1941, pulling the country into World War II. Make sure to grab your ticket for the attraction early in the day, as the limited vouchers are sold before the morning turns into afternoon.

Learn at the Polynesian Cultural Center

Eight different villages are honoured at the Cultural Centre, including Tonga, Samoa, New Zealand, Fiji, Tahiti, and others. Here, you can get a henna tattoo, learn how to hula dance, participate in tribal games, or even sample the utterly disgusting poi. A true highlight is the Royal Feast, which will leave you completely stuffed, as you enjoy Polynesian dancing and other performing arts.

hawaii-oahu-polynesian

Do an Island Pub Crawl

In researching this article, I found out there is a Dave & Buster’s in Honolulu, so that is definitely going on the list. Sadly, though, Senor Frog’s closed down this year due to a rent disagreement. When Mrs. Sip and I were on the island in 2009, we travelled around and found some amazing spots and drink deals. Pitchers of beer for $5 and $2 Mai Tais… this isn’t brain science!

Eat, Eat, Eat

There are numerous locations you have to visit in Hawaii for their culinary delectables. From American cuisine favourites at The Cheesecake Factory to romantic seafood meals at Duke’s and everything in between, there’s something for every taste on the island. Mrs. Sip and I found this hidden Mexican joint the last time we were there and hopefully we can track it down again!

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Get Wet at Waikiki Beach

Whether you want to try your hand at surfing or snorkeling, play among the waves that crash against the shore, or just hang out on the sand and perfect your tan, hitting the beach offers all this and more. I like to grab a spot close enough to the bars on the other side of the street so that you’re primed for when hunger, thirst, or happy hour strikes.

Appreciate Wildlife at the Honolulu Zoo or Waikiki Aquarium

Perfect for kids and adults who still want to be young, both the zoo and aquarium are home to a number of amazing animal species. The zoo houses 1,230 animals that will keep you enthralled with their behaviour, while the aquarium is located right along the beach, the optimal setting for viewing creatures of the water. Must-see attractions for all ages.

Drink #263: Blue Hawaiian

Sept 20

  • 0.75 oz Light Rum (I used Bacardi)
  • 0.75 oz Vodka
  • 0.5 oz Blue Curacao
  • Top with Pineapple Juice
  • Splash of Sweet & Sour Mix
  • Garnish with Lemon and Lime Slices

Do you have any suggestions for our upcoming trip and birthday celebration? We’ll try to squeeze it in among all the drinking and relaxing!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (2.5 Sips out of 5):
There are other Blue Hawaii and Blue Hawaiian recipes, but I went with the traditional offering. It was a strong drink and needed a little dilution to taste decent. Perhaps using a Pineapple or Lemon-Lime Soda in the future would give it a little more zip.

August 20 – Cactus Kicker

I’m With Stupid

Kicking a cactus would be a pretty stupid thing to do… but I’m no stranger to stupid! Here are some of the wicked awesome things I’ve done that most would construe as stupid:

Balcony Jumper, Extraordinaire

After a full day of poolside boozing, I stepped inside to order the Sip Alliance some pizzas (and Mrs. Sip some Indian food – she always has to be the difficult one). After re-emerging from the house I spotted a challenge I’d always wanted to tackle and never taken the chance. I quickly hopped up onto the ledge of the balcony that overlooks our pool, let out a manly growl, and cleared several feet of concrete leaping into the pool below.

Things went off without a hitch… until Cousin Sip posted a Facebook status about it, prompting Ma Sip to reply in a not-so-thrilled manner. Mrs. Sip, while impressed with the feat, wasn’t very happy with me either. She made me vow never to perform the death-defying jump again. When the two most important women in your life aren’t happy with you, you know you’ve done something wrong. I promised that evening that my balcony jumping days were a thing of the past… but no one ever said the roof was off limits!

balcony jump

You Win Some, You LUGE Some

The more you speed, the more you bleed! That was the local motto when Mrs. Sip and I took to the Commercial Street Luge track in Rotorua, New Zealand. We’re both speed demons, but Mrs. Sip wanted to ease herself into the luging, starting with the beginner track and working her way up through intermediate and expert. I jumped straight to intermediate and after one warm-up run, I was flying down the expert course with ease. This would make a spectacular video, I thought, as I finished up my second of three runs.

On our third run, we both hit the expert track, with Mrs. Sip leading the way. Since I was such an expert, or so I thought, I was in charge of filming the track. I started rolling tape, but steering and holding the camera at the same time was proving difficult. Rather than bail on my glorious plan, I tried to make it work. Then I got to the point in the track where there was a sharp turn and a steep drop where usually you gain a bit of air. Before I knew it, I was veering towards the concrete curb, launching myself out of my vehicle and onto the thankfully grassy embankment.

Sexy Nurse

Sadly, this is not how Mrs. Sip treated my numerous boo-boos…

My shirt was stained with dirt and grass, my arm sliced open and bleeding, and our camera worse for the wear, and my watch scuffed. Mrs. Sip was waiting at the bottom of the course wondering why I was taking so long to finish and thinking she had beaten me handily and was a born-speedster. As I finally finished my run, she could sense something was wrong. Luckily the sorest thing was my pride and it ended up making a decent story.

Double-O-Stupid

My 19th birthday was a mix of good and bad. On the plus side, I was now legal age to drink alcohol. Not a huge deal because I’d been drinking for a few years by that point, but it would make procuring liquor easier. On the downside, Mrs. Sip and my relationship was only six months old and she had recently left for the United Kingdom for a year-long exchange program.

I decided to celebrate quietly with a couple friends and in a moment of nostalgia, we made plans to play the classic James Bond video game Goldeneye (much like we had done together in our formative years). The one caveat: each time you were killed, you had to do a shot of whiskey.

Goldeneye

I have no clue why I ever agreed to this idea… I was never that great at the video game to begin with. It wasn’t long before I was running to the sink to lose my milk and cookies and my buddies weren’t far behind. Here’s where the Sip Advisor legend began to grow though… I went back to doing shots. Not many folks can get drunk twice in the same night!

Speed Trap Follies

I’ve only been pulled over for speeding once in my 14-year driving history. I think that’s a pretty damn good record. During the one time I wasn’t so lucky, I had just returned Mrs. Sip to her university residence and had a 30-45 minute drive in front of me to get back home. Given it was already 3am and I had school myself in the morning, I was looking to make short work of the trip. I had just hit about 30 kilometers above the speed limit, on a road I knew to be a trap for police, when I spotted a cop car ahead. I tried to slow down, but I was already busted.

speeding doughnuts

The officer took my license and registration and asked me a couple questions, which mortified, I answered. As a struggling student, I surely didn’t need to be paying off a hefty speeding ticket. When the patrolman returned, he handed me back my papers and license and revealed that he was going to let me off with a warning. His parting words: “By the way, happy birthday!”

Drink #232: Cactus Kicker

Cactus Kicker Cocktail

  • 1.5 oz Tequila (I used Hornitos)
  • 0.5 oz Melon Liqueur
  • Top with Pineapple Juice
  • Splash of Sour Mix
  • Splash of Lemon-Lime Soda
  • Garnish with a Lime Wedge

What stupid things have you done, perhaps after a few too many beverages? Surely, I can’t be the only dumb person around here. Or maybe that’s what makes me a legend!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
This cocktail is like a twist on the margarita. While I enjoyed most of the ingredients, I wasn’t very fond of the Pineapple Juice. When it became a little more diluted I enjoyed the drink more.

March 25 – Babbling Brook

Sweet Serenity

Today’s drink had me turn my mind towards serenity. For me, total relaxation can be best achieved with a cocktail in hand, laying on a pool float, the sun beaming down upon me, and the sounds of rock n’ roll filling the air. If the pool was surrounded by naked ladies, well, that would be nirvana. I’ll settle for serenity, though.

Yeah, this is pretty close!

Yeah, this is pretty close!

Sure there are other methods to achieving peace within oneself. For example, those CD’s (can you remember compact discs!? They’re only about $5 each in stores nowadays… at least they can double for cheap Frisbees) filled with relaxing, tranquil sounds: ocean waves, babbling brooks, gentle rain, sounds of nature, etc.

Then there’s meditation and yoga. I get that yoga can be a good stretching tool and can help with relaxation, but anyone who thinks yoga is exercise is probably a yoga instructor or form of yoga. I did yoga once and was pretty bored. Perhaps it’s because I hadn’t started drinking yet. I was also waiting for someone to let a fart slip out and when nobody did, the comedy element to the whole thing was missing. Don’t even get me started on hot yoga. If I wanted to sweat, I’d eat a pile of meat and go for a jog. Man that would smell gross.

Yoga Cat

Speaking of jogging, going for a nice long walk can often clear the mind. This is about half true in my neighbourhood, where you always have to be on a vigil lookout for dog poop, homeless people, idiot’s texting and walking, idiot’s texting and driving, and so many other pedestrian obstacles. Maybe if you live out in the burbs this will work better, but not so much for us city folk.

Mrs. Sip likes to read to relax. She says it allows her to escape into a fantasy world, to which I often reply (with very little success) that I have a few fantasies that we could venture into together. She just doesn’t understand that guys have needs like someone baking chocolate chip cookies for them while they watch Saturday morning cartoons and take frequent cat naps.

I wish this was part of Mrs. Sip's fantasy collection...

I wish this was part of Mrs. Sip’s fantasy collection…

Personally, I think we have to look to our pets for good relaxation techniques. Cats sleep like 30 hours each day. When they’re not passed out, taking up half the couch, despite their tiny frames, they’re usually snuggling up to someone and trying to get a good spot for their next snooze. And we think we’re their master…

In closing, use whatever you think works for you: a cup of hot tea, a trip to the spa, a quiet night in, a bubble bath (the Sip Advisor looks really good all sudsy)… you get the drift. Namaste!

Drink #84: Babbling Brook

Babbling Brook Cocktail Martini

  •  1.5 oz Raspberry Vodka (I used Absolut)
  • 0.5 oz Blue Curacao
  • Top with Sour Mix
  • Garnish with a Lemon Wedge

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I liked this cocktail with its sweet and sour taste. The colour of the drink was really neat and I enjoyed the foamy effect produced when shaking the mix.

January 30 – Firestone

Yuck… I’m Not Drinking That

There are those out there who think that Fireball Whiskey (a cinnamon-flavoured liquor) is gross. To those people I scream, “What, are you crazy?” Fireball is delicious and my go-to flask filler. For those that aren’t down with the Fireball or, more accurately, aren’t balling with the fire, I suggest you reserve your criticisms for these libations:

Alaska Distillery Smoked Salmon Vodka

Salmon belongs on a plate – wonderfully cooked by Mrs. Sip Advisor – with a couple sides, not in a bottle. The makers of this vodka suggest using it in Caesar recipes and perhaps they are onto something. Unfortunately, I think most people would find it hard to get their head wrapped around the concept of drinking a fish-flavoured drink, regardless of how good it could possibly taste. Suggested recipe: Bloody Mary

Smoked Salmon Vodka

Oddka Wasabi Vodka

I don’t even like wasabi on my sushi, let alone in my vodka. This spirit seems like something you would have on a dare. Maybe I’ll gather the Sip Advisor executive board for a game of spin the bottle and we’ll see if Wasabi Vodka makes an appearance on the path to enlightenment. One thing is for sure, this liquor might make a good chaser with some sashimi… providing you’re a fan of the green stuff to begin with. Suggested recipe: Japanese Garden

Oddka Wasabi

Oddka Electricity Vodka

Looking for an easy buzz? How about some electricity-flavoured vodka? Seriosuly, though, how do you bottle the taste of electricity? Did you lick a battery and then try to match the subtle notes of death? Perhaps ol’ Ben Franklin discovered this recipe when he conducted his famous kite during a lightning storm experiment all those years ago. He is known to have invented like a bazillion things. Suggested recipe: Electricity Shot

Oddka Electricity

Three Olives Purple Vodka

Is purple even a flavour? Growing up, purple (better known as grape) was one of my least favourite candy tastes. I found it to be too hit and miss to invest my piggy bank money in and pushed more of my assets towards stocks and bonds in watermelon and strawberry essences. Although, I will admit that the attractive woman enjoying a purple popsicle in the ad for this bottle makes me want to give it a chance. Fingers crossed it doesn’t taste like children’s cough syrup. Suggested recipe: Purple Rain

Three Olives Purple

360 Buttered Popcorn Vodka

I don’t like popcorn (the real thing) because I hate getting kernels stuck in my teeth. While the flavour of this vodka intrigues me, I’m currently at a complete loss as to what this liquor could possibly be paired with to make any drinkable cocktail. In the end, I think I’d rather buy rip-off movie theatre popcorn, choke on a couple kernels and call it a day, than sample some popcorn vodka blends. Suggested recipe (by 360): Caramel Corn Collins (actually want to try this!)

360 Buttered Popcorn Vodka

Three Olives Tomato Vodka

With “Bakon” and Tomato vodkas already existing, we are so close to making BLT or Clubhouse cocktails. I hope scientists out there are trying to come up with lettuce and chicken spirits (a much better use of their time than curing cancer or fixing global warming or anything like that). Like the Smoked Salmon Vodka, this spirit is probably best suited for the Caesar/Bloody Mary family of drinks, but I’m not sure it has any prospects outside of this realm. Suggested recipe: Bloodhound Variation

Three Olives Tomato

Drink #30: Firestone

Firestone Drink

  • 1.5 oz Fireball Whiskey
  • Top with half sour mix half orange juice
  • Garnish with trio of wheels (lemon, lime, orange)

If any company out there wants to send me a sample of their spirits and prove me wrong, I would welcome them with open arms and if my mind is changed, I would happily retract any criticism I have made and advise my little sippers to give these alcohols a chance.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
What I liked best about this cocktail was the faint burn that comes through on the aftertaste, thanks to the Fireball. Using the trio of fruit wheels ended up looking pretty good, so I’m happy I went down that route.