July 17 – Gambon’s Corner

Posted on July 17, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Are You Being Served?

Perhaps it’s my old age, but I’ve found myself increasingly becoming a bit of a stickler for high standards… providing I’m not expected to deliver them! With that in mind, here are the most annoying things about bars:

Troubles Waiting to be Served

It absolutely sucks when you feel that you’re constantly being passed over by the bar staff, in favour of girls who are falling out of their tops and douche bags that are pushy and demanding to be helped. I understand that the bar can get busy, but that’s why queues of any sort should be established. I like the bars where servers work one general area, allowing orders to be processed in a logistical fashion.

Nowhere for Coats

Obviously, this isn’t a big deal during the summer, but I don’t discriminate over seasonal drinking, so it sucks to walk into a bar that only features stools so that you have to throw your coat over your lap or sit on it. I’ve noticed that some joints actually have hooks underneath tables and ledges, allowing you to discard your jacket or other layered paraphernalia.

Lineup outside, Empty Inside

This is a dirty little trick businesses use to drum up business, making it appear like their place is so rocking that people are lining up around the block for the privilege of getting inside. Then, when you do get in, you find the bar, dance floor, etc. to be deserted and you wonder why you ever had to wait to get in at all. Luckily I refuse to wait in line to drink. Why overpay for cocktails I can make myself and waste my time in line when my personal bar is so much better?

Bars that Don’t Announce Last Call

Ever go up to purchase what you think will be your last drink of the evening (at least at the bar… night caps at home are always on the agenda!) and the barkeep informs you that last call has already passed? Well, excuse me… oh no he didn’t… you see, the announcement of last call must be audible to all in attendance and if your establishment is too loud for that (more on that subject later), you should have some sort of bell to impart that wisdom. Otherwise, serve me my god damn drink!

Sticky Floors

When you walk around a bar and you constantly have to pry your feet from the floor, it makes you start to wonder if the hygiene behind the bar matches. How clean is the glassware, the garnishes, the taps, everything? I’m not complaining about a small patch where some jackass just spilled his entire Jager Bomb, but the kind of pub where every step is like Velcro being pulled apart.

People Taking Large Tables for Small Groups

As much as it sucks to walk into a bar and not be able to find a seat, I can live with that (after all, first come, first served), providing people are at tables fit for their party. I understand that grabbing any table that opens up is a huge score, especially if you’ve been waiting a while, but to see two people occupying a table meant for six or eight customers can really be heartbreaking.

Loud/Bad Music

I hate going to places where I can’t converse with Mrs. Sip or any of the friends we may be out with. What’s the point! If we wanted to sit there and listen to music we have no control over, yelling at each other to be heard, and paying for expensive drinks, we should just go to my house. You can donate to the Sip Foundation, while I blast a random iPod, and yell at people about my grievances!

Gross Bathrooms

Given most bars are trying to encourage your appetite for either food, booze, or both, it’s amazing how many places have disgusting bathrooms. Granted, the people drinking in the establishment are really to blame for the mess, but a little regular upkeep will have customers returning to their tables still in the mood for beer and poutine. Mmmm, beer and poutine!

Unisex Bathrooms

Sticking with washroom issues (no, not that kind of issue), whoever dreamt up this idea was a total fool. Guys go the bathroom to get away from the ladies. Otherwise we’d be as rude as we wanted in their presence. And no girl wants to share a bathroom with a dude. They want to keep all their secrets to themselves. Plus, guys love that they never have to wait in line and laugh at the winding queue that usually builds outside the ladies room.

Obnoxious Drunks

We’ve all been there and it’s not a bar’s fault, unless they haven’t done their job to stop serving some twerp, but an obnoxious drunk can be the last straw on whether you stay at a pub or move on to another place. It’s bad when that obnoxious drunk is in your group and they follow you around to every joint you try to hit. Worst yet, if that obnoxious drunk is you, you’ll never be able to escape…

Drink #198: Gambon’s Corner

1.5 oz Tequila (I used 1800 Reposado)
Top with Watermelon Juice
Splash of Lemon Juice
Dashes of Orange Bitters

This drink comes from the Be At One menu I liberated, while on vacation in London recently. It was in this wonderful bar where I first concocted the idea for this post, noting that many other pubs I had visited just couldn’t compare. What draws you ire when you’re out and about town looking for the love of your life, sweet lady liquor!?

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I wasn’t sure where to rank this drink. Then I added a little Simple Syrup to the mix to combat how strong the Tequila and Lemon Juice were and we had a hit. For those wondering where the name for this cocktail comes from, that mystery has now been solved thanks to a little research. It is named after Sir Michael Gambon, who completed a Top Gear test track corner (now named in his honour) on only two wheels!

July 2 – Journalist Cocktail

Posted on July 2, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Journalistically Yours

Did you know that the Sip Advisor is actually a trained journalist, specializing in the field of sports writing? Well, today just happens to be World Sports Journalists Day. With that in mind, let’s take a look at some of the best fictional anchors, correspondents, and news teams!

Ron Burgundy & Channel 4 News Team – Anchorman

Ron Burgundy and the gang are a ratings sensation, which doesn’t please their rivals at Channel 2, especially fellow anchor Wes Mantooth. Aside from competition, Burgundy and company also have trouble in the form of women entering the news game and wanting their fair share of screen time and top stories. I can’t wait for the Anchorman sequel to come out and for so many new catchphrases to become part of the pop culture lexicon.

Will McAvoy & News Night Staff – The Newsroom

Mrs. Sip and I have just started watching this series and while I find all the yelling at each other and “I love my job so much I’m going to cry” looks very tiring, it’s a great program with amazing writing and characters you can actually root for (unlike another show that shall not be named because I refuse to have it linked in any way to these awesome “journalists”). The second season begins in just a couple weeks and we find ourselves learning more about the world through fiction than we do through, well…the actual news!

Channel 5 News Team – Family Guy

Led by anchor Tom Tucker and his wonderful mustache, the newscast also featured co-anchor Diane Simmons (until she snapped and tried to kill half the town’s residents), angry weatherman Ollie Williams, and token Asian reporter Tricia Takanawa. Tucker is the heart and soul of this team, though, and it’s always fun seeing him report on the absurd news that occurs in Quahog.

Stephen Colbert – The Colbert Report

Yes, Stephen Colbert is a real person, but his persona while delivering the news is completely fabricated… or at least we all hope it is! The super conservative’s take on world events highlights how insane some people’s view of the world can actually be. While I don’t watch The Colbert Report or Daily Show much anymore, I respect both Colbert and Jon Stewart for their work in becoming more trusted than actual newsmen.

FYI Team – Murphy Brown

Featuring hard-hitting reporter Murphy Brown, the FYI program, based in Washington, D.C., does a top job on covering the American capital. Brown is joined by anchor Jim Dial, investigative journalist Frank Fontana, media darling Corky Sherwood, and executive produced Miles Silverberg. The show was known for taking many of their storylines straight from the real headlines. When not on the set, the FYI crew could often be found at their local watering hole, Phil’s, and that I can get down with!

Kent Brockman & Channel 6 News Team – The Simpsons

Springfield’s resident journalist, Kent Brockman, is a trusted source within the community, even if he does have a spotty news record. His feud with traffic reporter Arnie Pye has led to on-air arguments between the two, which is about as professional as you’d expect a person from Springfield to be. Brockman also hosts other programs, such as Eye on Springfield, Smartline, and even game show Springfield Squares. His segment ‘My Two Cents’ is a highlight of most broadcasts.

The Lone Gunmen – X-Files

This troupe of nerd conspiracy theorists and magazine publishers has investigated some of the world’s greatest mysteries. Because of the nature of their examinations, they choose to remain underground and out of the public eye. Sadly, their spinoff show lasted only 13 episodes. While I never really watched the X-Files, I was interested in The Lone Gunmen because conspiracy theories are interesting to consider, while aliens bore me. Stunningly, the show’s pilot episode featured an attack on the World Trade Centre by hijacked planes six months before the actual 9/11 tragedy.

Weekend Update – Saturday Night Live

Whether you think of the original host, Chevy Chase, or the current presenter, Seth Meyers, Saturday Night Live has had a long run of comedians riffing on the news in what is often the show’s best segment. It’s hard to pick my favourite anchor or team among all the candidates, but I enjoyed Jane Curtain’s pairing with Dan Aykroyd, as well as the all-female duo of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler.

Drink #183: Journalist Cocktail

1.5 oz Gin (I used Hendrick’s)
0.5 oz Sweet Vermouth
0.5 oz Dry Vermouth
Splash of Triple Sec
Splash of Lemon Juice
Dash of Orange Bitters
Garnish with Lemon Wheel and Pen

This was a hard list to narrow down, as it seems every show has a news element to help forward storyline and such. I even had to cut Sesame Street’s resident journalist, Kermit the Frog!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I like this cocktail, despite my sometimes negative feelings about Vermouths. All the ingredients went well together and none were overwhelming in the recipe. The Hendick’s Gin was a nice touch.

June 3 – Rob Roy

Posted on June 3, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Reading Rainbow

Mrs. Sip will sadly tell you that I don’t read very much of anything. I suppose I’m a visual learner, but that may be a complete fabrication. I’ve often bragged that I’m the world’s first non-reading writer. That said, I have found great enjoyment from these drink recipe books and other gifts:

Old Man Drinks

These are cocktails solely meant for hardened veterans of the booze wars. Spliced together with quotes from advanced drinkers are many wonderful recipes, mostly invoking strong alcohols like whiskey, scotch, rum and gin. I’ve used this brilliant little book for a bunch of drinks that have been featured on this site, including today’s libation.

The Ultimate Bar Book

This book is massive! Massive is a good thing, though, as that means it holds a copious amount of recipes, tips and other notes. You can really find almost anything in the manual’s 816 pages. For example, there are entries on selected brands for virtually every liquor I’ve ever heard of… and I’ve heard of a lot of spirits. There are also a ton of recipes which will make you thirst for a cocktail.

Pink Panther Cocktail Party Deck

Sure, this set contains a full-deck of cards, except they’re not of the playing variety, they’re of the drinking variety. I’ve played a fun little game before where I draw a random card and then make said drink. Best of all, you can play this game all by your lonesome. It’s like the best game of solitaire ever… until some ass hat says you’re an alcoholic for drinking alone!

Margarita Martini Mojito

I’ll give you three guesses as to what types of recipes are contained in this book. Need a couple hints? Well, you’re wrong, it covers champagne, beer and wine cocktails. Just kidding, you were totally right, as you used your ESP to tap into my train wreck of a brain. There are some wicked drinks in this book, covering the three M’s of cocktails, that I’ll surely have to consider going forward.

Drink #154: Rob Roy

2 oz Scotch (I used Glenfiddich Millennium Vintage)
1 oz Sweet Vermouth
Dash of Orange Bitters
Garnish with a Maraschino Cherry

This seems like the perfect drink to sit back with, open up one of my recipe books and take notes on the next great creations for all you little sippers. Just let me grab my ol’ reading goggles and notepad. Mrs. Sip better check up on me every few minutes to make sure I don’t doze off or flip on the TV!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
This is such a classic drink and it’s been well-documented that I like my Manhattan family cocktails. This was also the first time I got to play around with a new bottle of Orange Bitters (courtesy Ma and Pa Sip). There’s not too much to really complain about for this drink, so make one today and enjoy!

May 14 – Time for a Change?

Posted on May 14, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Politically Declined

To sum up quickly, I hate elections, politicians and basically everything having to do with the political process.

I feel that government doesn’t do very much, what it does accomplish takes way too long to get done, and when it finally gets done, then we go and repeal it anyway. I would never trust a politician further than I could throw them… unless it was hilariously off a cliff Wile E. Coyote style!

Elections are the worst time of the year. Our news is inundated with one group of politicians going on about stupid things other politicians have done such as riding transit without a ticket or running a red light while taking their son to an early morning hockey practice, all presumably in an attempt to sway voters who won’t bother to actually look up the various parties’ platforms. With a multitude of rainbow signs going up everywhere you look and TV commercials interrupting my programming, I just want to take a three-month nap and avoid the whole scenario. And don’t even get me started on the annoying phone calls and pamphlets.

Perhaps if elections were solved with cage fights, I might be a little more interested. Think about it, you could have a stacked card of death matches and charge people to come and see who “wins” the battle. And all the proceeds would go to fund the “elected” government’s initiatives and programs.

If you look through the history of the world, every important issue has been settled at WrestleMania, so why not continue down this path in the political forum?

Sadly, this is not to be, but it’s something for future generations to keep in mind. Maybe when the polar ice caps eventually melt and we go into a state of martial law, we can revisit my proposal.

I took a political science course once and I couldn’t stand it. Every class, when the teacher looked like he was wrapping things up and was going to let us free a little earlier, there would always be one jackass who would keep asking questions – queries of a political nature, but having nothing to do with our current lesson – until before you knew it, we had actually run over the class time and would now be fighting each other to exit, Battle Royal style, in order to get to the parking lot.

All that said, today I have to go stand in line to execute my “right” as a free democratic being who enjoys the benefits of not living in a dictatorship, I guess.

Although, this guy looks like he knows how to party!

Mrs. Sip insists that I vote, even threatening to withhold potato chips and cookies from me. What she doesn’t know is that as soon as I enter the private voting booth, I promptly check off the candidate she dislikes the most, file my ballot, and call it a day!

Drink #134: Time for a Change?

Rim glass with Sugar
1.5 oz Black Cherry Bourbon
0.5 oz Cointreau
Splash of Lemon Juice
Splash of Wildberry Juice
Dash of Orange Bitters

Is it really time for a change? I say, who cares. It’s usually not too long before we hate the dude or dudette we all elected. People say if you don’t vote, you have no right to complain about what happens. And really, that’s the only reason the Sip Advisor goes to the polls every year!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
This is quite the cocktail to undertake. Sadly, I had to leave the lavender portion of the recipe out, but it wasn’t missed too much. I really enjoy any drink that contains Black Cherry Bourbon and this was no exception. I found it really hard to pick an election-themed cocktail, as most were American-related and well, that’s not where I live. I still love the drink name Obama Slammer, though.

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