September 18 – Mai-Tai

Posted on September 18, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Rum Diary

There are some pretty good rum slogans out there, as companies try to capitalize on the liquor’s perception as a laid back spirit. Here are some of my favourites, as we sail through the Caribbean!:

Sailor Jerry’s – This is no girly rum.

One of my favourite libations of all time and a brand that could be the first inductee into my own personal liquor hall of fame (oh, that sounds like a good article idea!), I love Sailor Jerry’s. And yes, it is certainly not a girly rum… even though there’s a picture of a girl prominently on the bottle. I’ve probably gone through more bottles of Sailor Jerry’s than any other alcohol and that’s something to be proud of!

Malibu – Malibu… seriously easy going.

With the company’s blend of light rum and fruit flavours, one could definitely conclude that Malibu is “seriously easy going”! Is there anything finer in life than relaxing on a sandy beach, the sun bronzing your skin, with a rum-based cocktail in your hand? The all-inclusive industry was based on this theory and now those companies thrive in having people get their R&R on, accompanied by the divine secrets of sweet lady liquor.

Appleton – Raise your rum!

And toast the liquor gods, while you’re at it. This slogan is two-fold. On one hand, they’re talking about raising the quality of the rum you drink when you choose Appleton. On the other hand, it can be viewed as a toast and celebration thanks to the fine folks at Appleton. I’m a big fan of Appleton, something I know I’m not alone on. So, raise your rum to the Sip Advisor and let’s get bombed!

Bacardi – Live like you mean it.

I grew up on Bacardi, as it was my parent’s rum of choice and as a result, I’ll always have a place in my heart for the spirit. I like to think I live most days to the fullest and Bacardi has often helped me with that quest. The Sip Advisor becomes a whole different being when the rum is flowing and good times are set to be had. Every day should be cherished in some way and Bacardi is always a good start!

Captain Morgan – Got a little Captain in you?

I certainly have a little Captain in me… just not in that way… not that there’s anything wrong with that! I have a sense of adventure and of boozing my way through those glorious good times. Pirating is surely in my blood, somewhere along the family lines because I love rum, the water, being aboard ships, and causing mayhem. For those of you that don’t like those things, you can apply to my school of rehabilitation and we’ll get that all sorted out.

Parrot Bay – The Parrot is calling.

If the Parrot is calling, I’m certainly listening! And that’s even though I absolutely hate birds. At least the parrot is a colourful species, which helps you ignore all the other annoying bird elements for a short time. Then, once you get to the rum drinking, you completely put aside all of your hatred towards the aviary animals. We can all get along thanks to a little shared enjoyment of the finer things in life.

Drink #261: Mai-Tai

0.75 oz Dark Rum (I used Captain Morgan)
0.75 oz Light Rum
0.5 oz Amaretto
0.5 oz Triple Sec
Top with half Orange Juice and half Pineapple Juice
Float Grenadine
Garnish with a Maraschino Cherry and Cocktail Umbrella

Which rum slogans are you particularly fond of? Has the Sip Advisor slipped up and left your favourite line off this list. Come on, give me hell!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
While I wasn’t able to pull of the traditional Mai-Tai recipe (not having access to Orgeat Syrup), Mrs. Sip and I found an adapted recipe that subs Amaretto in its place. The drink was good, surprising Mrs. Sip who has a dislike for Amaretto and a love for Mai-Tais. If it passes her taste test, it can’t be written off!

June 19 – Swashbuckler

Posted on June 19, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Let Your Freak Flag Fly

Pirates are pretty legendary customers. Just by listening to “A Pirate’s Life for Me,” we get an idea of what it was like during their time, even if it is Disney-fied. Sometimes a flag was all that was needed to terrorize anything from a ship to a settlement. Here are some of the most famous pirate flags from the golden age of swashbucklers:

Blackbeard

This is a pretty epic portrayal of a skeleton pirate king, complete with goblet (other sources say that it’s an hourglass, but I’d like to think it’s a rum goblet). Perhaps this could be an early depiction of cupid, as he is trying to put a spear through a heart. Apparently this signified that no mercy would be given to any captive. Blackbeard was some badass. Legend has it that he would put smoking fuses into his hair and beard to make himself look demonic and strike fear into those he wished to attack.

Black Bart 1

Bart’s first flag showed that time was running out for his victims with the pirate and skeleton both hanging onto an hourglass (again, I like to believe it’s a goblet fit for all the booze a pirate can handle). Bart captured approximately 400 ships in his three-year career as a pirate, which is a long tenure during those times.

Black Bart 2

This one has Bart standing on top of the heads of captains from his two least favourite ports, Barbados and Martinique. The ABH stood for “A Barbadian’s Head”, while AMH was “A Martinico’s Head”. Bart treated seized ships and their captains and crew from these ports especially bad because their colonial governments were always after him.

Calico Jack

This is the pirate flag that most of us recognize, thanks to its popularity in modern media. Ironically, Jack wasn’t a very successful pirate captain, but he is remembered for allowing women to join his ship (although the harlots totally betrayed him) and, of course, for this flag. The skull over crossed cutlasses has largely been recognized as the most common flag and now represents all pirates to some degree.

Henry Morgan

I had to include our good friend, Captain Morgan, whose rums have always been stocked at the Sip Advisor headquarters. Morgan used the classic “skull and crossbones” flag, but with the added twist of the skull wearing an eye patch. Why he did this, isn’t entirely clear. It’s not like he wore a similar patch and the skull was meant to depict himself. Morgan was so successful that he was able to retire from piracy and became Lieutenant Governor of Jamaica.

Drink #170: Swashbuckler

1.25 oz Tequila (I used 1800 Reposado)
0.75 oz Grand Marnier
2 oz Sweet & Sour Mix
Top with Fruit Punch
Garnish with Red and Green Grapes and Runts

If I had ever been granted the luxury of being a pirate, my flag would have depicted a bottle of rum being poured into the open mouth of a smiling skull as the skeleton was giving a thumbs up gesture. Damn, I would have been one rockin’ buccaneer!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I’ve been wanting to play with Fruit Punch for some time now and I’m glad I finally had the opportunity. It’s a hell of a mixer, tasting so good and refreshing… perhaps my favourite of all the fruit juices. I’m a little surprised with a drink called Swashbuckler, that Tequila was the featured alcohol, over Rum, but whatevs.

April 14 – Captain Aaron

Posted on April 14, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Oh Captain, My Captain

There is only one man I trust to steer any ship I’m aboard… that’s my man, Captain Aaron! These are some other options I’d consider, even if most of them are nowhere near remotely real:

Captain Morgan

How could any Sip Advisor list in which an alcohol icon was a possible candidate, not lead off with said subject? Naturally, it can’t be any other way. While I’m more of a Sailor Jerry’s fan in the spiced rum category, Captain Morgan isn’t too shabby an alternative and I love the company’s ad campaigns.

Jesus Christ, the Cap`n gets a lot of sweet tail!

Sweet Jesus, the Cap`n sure gets a lot of sweet tail!

Captain Jack Sparrow

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirates life for me! Captain Jack Sparrow is a pretty resourceful guy. He can pretty much get himself out of any sticky situation, is pretty good at hunting long, lost treasure and is not too shabby with the ladies. More importantly, he’s a fan of the bottle and knows where to find hidden stashes of rum on deserted islands.

Captain Crunch

While Cap’n Crunch was far from my favourite cereal growing up, it was on the list of acceptable breakfast options I provided to Mama Sip as a youngster. Like any high profile athlete, my agent and I devised a list of demands that had to be met and cereal selection was chief among them.

Captain Kirk

Captain’s log, stardate 1077.69: I’ve never really been a science fiction nut, but I do have to give some respect to all the Trekkies out there, who show us what being passionate about something really should entail. Captain Kirk never has to buy a drink for himself as long as a geek is close by.

Captain America

While I’m more of a Tony Stark/Iron Man fan, Captain America is a strong leader, who I would be happy to follow into battle. Can you imagine a Canadian version of Captain America, who is light on crime and tries to help bad guys reform rather than punish them? Silly Captain Canada…

Captain Hook

I personally wouldn’t mind seeing Captain Hook get his hands on… oops! sorry, sensitive subject, I know, let me rephrase… get his hand and hook on Peter Pan. Maybe Hook can throw the little brat to the crocodile that’s always hounding him and use the time while the lizard is chowing down on some Pan to get some distance between himself and his pursuer.

Captain McCallister

You might be wondering who this captain even is. Well, I have one word for you: Yarrrrr! Okay, I know all pirates are known to say this, so I’ll just give you the answer. It’s the resident Sea Captain from The Simpsons. Often seen with a corncob pipe and tapping his glass eye, Captain McCallister is not only delightfully incompetent, but gets bonus points for being created by comedian, writer, and late show host Conan O’Brien.

Captain Stubing

While Mrs. Sip and I were on our honeymoon cruise, we were able to watch a few episodes of The Love Boat and quickly fell in love with how laugh-track cheesy the show is. Captain Stubing played a large role in our fondness for the sitcom as he tried to control his band of misfit employees.

Drink #104: Captain Aaron (A Sip Advisor Original Recipe)

1.5 oz Kraken Black Spiced Rum
Top with Ginger Ale
Splash of Lemonade
Garnish with a Captain’s Hat (If you happen to have one just lying around!)

In the interest of full disclosure, while this is an original recipe, it has been borrowed from the man, the myth, the legend, Captain Aaron himself. Happy birthday, buddy!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4.5 Sips out of 5):
The Cap’n and I love using Ginger Ale as a mixer and I really enjoyed his touch of adding Lemonade to the blend. The Spiced Rum works well with both ingredients, so the whole group comes together quite nicely.

February 27 – Cap’n Stormy

Posted on February 27, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Boozemarked

While most experts maintain that you can’t put a trademark or copyright on a drink recipe, here are some examples where companies have tried to do so:

Lynchburg Lemonade

When the Jack Daniel’s Distillery launched a national campaign to promote the Lynchburg Lemonade drink, of course suggesting people use their whiskey for the concoction, Alabama lounge and restaurant owner Tony Mason sued them. He had created the drink in 1980 and alleged that a JD representative had learned the secret recipe and was now stealing it for the company’s use. I’m sure it took a crack investigative team to discover the drink was made of whiskey, triple sec, sour mix and lemon-lime soda. We’re not talking about 11 herbs and spices here.

Mason sought $13 million in compensation and although he won the case, he was awarded no money. Instead, the judge offered to pay him $1 of his own money for the case to go away. Wow, Alabama really is full of crazy people! Mason rejected the judge’s “generous” offer and appealed the decision. A new trial was ordered in 2006 and the results of the case were not known… until today when Judge Sip of the 18th District Court sided in favour of Jack Daniel’s Distillery after an under-the-table deal was reached in which Sip Advisor Enterprises (patent pending) will be sent a lifetime supply of Jack Daniel’s products.

I guess the fine folks at Jack Daniel’s didn’t get the message (or don’t care) that the recipe is not theirs…

Dark N’ Stormy

This is a cocktail that has been trademarked by Gosling’s Export Limited, makers of Black Seal Rum. It’s a basic recipe that takes the rum, mixes it with ginger beer and adds an optional lime for garnish. So, if I use lemon, instead of lime, does that mean I’m now exempt from the trademark? Gosling’s even market their own ginger beer for use in the drink.

Malcolm Gosling, Jr., of the Gosling’s Rum family (I hope one day that I’m the member of a rum family), says that fighting this trademark is exhaustive and costly, but that they will “defend that trademark vigorously.”

Painkiller

A New York-based tiki bar (not sure how tiki-themed a place in New York can be… it’s not exactly a tropical paradise), aptly titled Painkiller, was sent cease and desist letters from the Pusser’s Rum company, after it opened in 2010. The company claimed a trademark on the Painkiller name and drink recipe – Pusser’s Rum, pineapple juice, cream of coconut, and orange juice – which Pusser’s accused the bar of trying to capitalize on.

The bar decided to settle out of court, changing its name, giving up the internet domain (something you think the Pusser’s people would already have if they treasure their creation so highly) and removing the drink from its menu. This outraged the mixology community, causing drinkers and drink makers alike to take to social media and voice their displeasure with Pusser’s bullying tactics and many called for a boycott on the rum.

A Facebook page was created called Bartenders Against Trademarking of Cocktails and gained numerous members in a brief amount of time. One bartender even went as far as to change his bar menu and specifically challenge Pusser’s on the trademark issue (photo below). Conclusion from researching this article: rum companies are full of dicks.

Flaming Homer/Moe

Finally, there is the contentious, Simpson v. Szyslak famous case to discuss, a true transcript summarizing the event is as follows:

Marge Simpson: So, Mr. Hutz, does my husband have a case?

Lionel Hutz: I’m sorry, Mrs. Simpson, but you can’t copyright a drink.

Homer Simpson: [whines] Oh!

Lionel Hutz: This all goes back to the Frank Wallbanger case of ’78. How about that! I looked something up! These books behind me don’t just make the office look good, they’re filled with useful legal tidbits just like that!

Drink #58: Cap’n Stormy (A Sip Advisor Original Recipe)

1.5 oz Dark Rum (I used Captain Morgan’s, take that Gosling’s and Pusser’s!)
Top with Ginger Ale
Garnish with lemon and lime wedges

I had originally intended to make a Dark N’ Stormy, but realized it is a recipe copyrighted by the Goslings folks… I also didn’t have any ginger beer (really the bigger issue as no rum runners are going to stop me from making any drink), so I made my own concoction and this was the delicious result. I call trademark!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
I’d like to eventually make the Dark N’ Stormy (should the people at Gosling’s allow me). This was a decent replacement. I like how the Lemon and Lime Wedges looked together in the cocktail photo.

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