June 1 – Procrastinator

Posted on June 1, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Distraction Guaranteed

The vast and wondrous internet is about more than just free porn and Facebook follies. There is unlimited entertainment out there on the wild, wild web, which a procrastinator such as myself can fall into for hours at a time! Here is some suggested viewing:

Epic Meal Time

These Canadian boys sure know how to do food right. Their videos begin with the team gathering various ingredients (usually from fast food restaurants like KFC, McDonalds and Burger King) before they unite to make a meal of epic proportions… hence the name. The EMT crew love their bacon (who doesn’t!) and they also feature Jack Daniel’s Whiskey in a bunch of their recipes. Sip Advisor Favourite: Fast Food Sushi – so many sauces!

Everyday Drinkers

I really like this guy and his videos on how to make a number of different cocktails. His laid back and common man approach puts you at ease and he shows that everyone is capable of making these multi-ingredient drinks, regardless of mixology acumen. My bar collection is pretty sweet, but the Common Man cocktail slinger has a stock of liquors that would make anyone envious. Sip Advisor Favourite: Too hard to narrow down, just check out the guy’s work!

LOLCats

It’s common knowledge that I’m a cat guy and have featured them favourably and heavily on this site. The LOLCats mix fun images of kitties messing around with any number of hilarious jokes. The quality ranges from mediocre to downright brilliant, but you won’t be disappointed after a visit to this site. Sip Advisor Favourite: Probably the “I Can Has Cheezburger” series.

Angry Video Game Nerd

What’s best about the Angry Video Game Nerd’s videos is that they take you back to a simpler time in your life, when your little world revolved around Nintendo (and other systems) and your difficulties in beating various games from its library. The guy is also pretty funny in his review of difficult or craptacular games. For anyone who enjoys watching others play at the arcade, these videos are for you. Sip Advisor Favourite: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles – difficult, but classic game…

Between Two Ferns

Hosted by Zach Galifianakis, these interviews (if you can call a host ignoring and degrading his guest an interview) are good for a few laughs. Some of Hollywood’s top names have visited Galifinakis’s little set, including Will Ferrell, Ben Stiller, Bradley Cooper, Conan O’Brien, and many more. In typical Galifianakis style, you never really know what he’s going to say, but you know it will be awkwardly funny. Sip Advisor Favourite: Bruce Willis because of the line from Galifianakis, “Did you know that some actors turn down roles?”

Addicting Games

This site got me through a large portion of my college years, messing around and trying different games. While I’m an ardent fan of the match three genre, there are many other casual games I enjoy giving a whirl. Sip Advisor Favourites: Cursed Treasure, for the tower defense fans out there and, of course, Kitten Cannon, where you launch a kitten out of a cannon and see how far it will fly. (No animals were harmed in the making of this post).

Botch-A-Mania

For the wrestling fans out there, you have to check out the Botch-A-Mania videos on YouTube. They let you relive some of professional wrestling greatest screw-ups (affectionately known in the industry as botches). Some of these are so funny you’ll be rolling on the floor, laughing your ass off. For bonus wrestling fun, check out WrestleCrap for the craziest in squared circle coverage. Sip Advisor Favourite: Probably when Booker T dropped an N-bomb on Hulk Hogan!

Drink #152: Procrastinator

Rim glass with Caramel Syrup and Skor Bits
0.75 oz Frangelico
0.75 oz Honey Whiskey

Of course, you could also spend countless hours on this site, enjoying all the Sip Advisor has to offer. Thanks to the fine folks above, I’ve wasted numerous hours of my life. While Mrs. Sip might wish things were different, I wouldn’t have it any other way!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
You can also make a Procrastination Martini with Gin, Dry Vermouth, Limoncello and Green Chartreuse, but I preferred the shooter recipe. This is a pretty strong shot, but it tastes good. I had trouble constructing the Skor Bit rim, having to resort to Caramel Syrup as an adhesive to make those suckers stick. Any chance I have to use Honey Whiskey is one I’m going to take!

May 31 – A Brisk Walk through the Red Light District

Posted on May 31, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

The Tales We’ll Tell

This drink has, by far, the longest name I’ve ever seen in my years of cocktail experiences. That makes it all the more intriguing to try. It also harkens back to memories of the Red Light Districts this Sip Advisor has traversed. Some of those remembrances are foggier than others, so let’s tip-toe our way together through the seedy underbelly of some of the world’s most famous cities!

Amsterdam, Netherlands

Okay, so this visit was a little messed up… and that’s probably putting it lightly. Amsterdam is home to many pot cafes and such and whether you’re a regular user of the drug or not, it’s all part of the experience. Our night started out innocently enough at one of the district’s classic sex shows, where we received a grab bag of little treats and watched performers do much more than bump and grind. The weirdest part, aside from the “smoking scene” was all the Asian business dudes sitting quietly in the back and taking the show quite seriously.

Next, we were off to the Sex Museum, free entry with our sex show ticket stub, with a quick stop to sample some of the city’s famous delicacies. Mrs. Sip and I agreed to split a “special” brownie and wait a little while before trying anything else (as suggested on a health advisory slip that came with the product we chose). After only waiting about 20 minutes, we threw caution to the wind and try something else because “we didn’t feel anything”. Famous last words…

The brownie finally kicked in at the top floor of the Sex Museum, where you could sit on a giant toadstool (at least I hope they were toadstools) and watch an animated Snow White parody porno. Did I mention that there was a giant 7 foot phallus in the room, too… oh, and some creepy dude who seemed to be in there all by his lonesome watching the Snow White cartoon a tad to seriously.

Somehow, we made it back to our hostel that night, a little worse for wear. We returned to the district on our own the next night, still feeling a little foggy from the activities of the evening before, and hoping to experience the area in a different mood.

New Orleans, U.S.A.

Ah, sweet Bourbon Street. Home to Mardi Gras and by extension, beads and boobies. When I was just a little sipper, the Sip Family stopped in N’Orleans along our cross country train trip. Although myself and Broski Sip weren’t of legal age yet, we were allowed to walk the famous boulevard and get a glimpse of its partying ways. With jazz music bellowing out of many establishments and posters advertising strip shows at nearly every corner, I thought I’d found heaven. I have pledged to return to the area and do it properly, although Mrs. Sip might have to think twice about wearing those low-cut tops!

Paris, France

Home to the infamous Moulin Rouge cabaret, Mrs. Sip and I wandered the district briefly and waited for our tour bus to pick us up. Sadly, it never came and we had to figure out our own way back to our campsite far outside of town… stupid budget tours! We weren’t there for too long, but one of the highlights of being in the area was just watching all the different people and traffic, as it filled the streets. What an eclectic gathering of humanity!

Hamburg, Germany

While visiting family, we were treated to a tour of the world famous Reeperbahn (which sounds like the site of a serial killer’s stalking ground… and it probably was at some point). The area is full of history and not just of a sexual nature. Did you know The Beatles first gained fame outside of Liverpool there? It’s also where they met Ringo Starr, who would eventually replace Pete Best as the band’s drummer.

Even the Queen goes to the Reeperbahn to get blitzed!

You might think it a little awkward to be exploring streets lined with sex shops, legal prostitution and other sinful recreational activities with your family, but it’s more funny than anything else. Pa Sip joined myself and Broski Sip for a walk down the alley where ladies try to sell their wares… and if you give them a tough time, legend has it you could be on the receiving end of a bucket of water… or, at least you hope it’s water.

During the evening, we stopped in this tiny little pizza joint for a quick bite. The place had the most disgusting bathrooms I’ve ever seen, but some of the most delicious pizza I’ve ever tried. The mathematical formula I’ve come up with is pizza > bathroom + drunk = who the hell cares!

Drink #151: A Brisk Walk through the Red Light District

Rim glass with Lemon Sugar
1.5 oz Whiskey (I used Crown Royal)
1 oz Sweet Vermouth
Top with Iced Tea
Garnish with a Lemon Wedge

It’s funny how much these notorious Red Light Districts are now must-hit tourist attractions for all ages. If a city you’re travelling to has one, I’d say you have to visit it and take in all it has to offer (well, maybe not everything), for better or worse!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (2.5 Sips out of 5):
I didn’t really like the way this cocktail came together. The Sweet Vermouth, despite only being a splash dominated the drink when I wanted to taste the Iced Tea. Oh well…

May 30 – Root Beer Fizz

Posted on May 30, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Thanks for the Meme-ories

Today marks post #150 of this blog, which has now surpassed Wikipedia as the most reliable source on the Internet. To celebrate, I present to you, my loyal and faithful little sippers, a smattering of memes to enjoy!

I’m not too sure who this old dude is, but he looks pretty dapper and his message is bang on. On second glance, he looks a little shitfaced and maybe leaning on the bar to hold himself up. I think alcohol has a passing record when you add up the births minus the deaths and divide by awesomeness!

I can only half agree with this message. Partly because I believe alcohol AND milk can solve problems. How many times have you been hanging out with your posse and decisions have been made or fences mended thanks to a little liquid libation? And how many times has a serving of cookies and milk helped you solve all of life’s little problems? Both substances are invaluable, in my honest opinion.

This little trooper is a Sip Advisor in training. Like a Jedi, he must go through tremendous sacrifice in order to harness the power of the force. It’s pretty funny that the beer is bigger than the kid and I love the thought of putting a young one through a sobriety test.

That is one massive beer! And lucky for this young chap, it’s a Hoegaarden, one of the finest brews in the world. That guy doesn’t even look of legal age though. Not that I’m condemning him (I started my Sip Advisor conditioning at an unheard of age because I was a “chosen one”). Imagine if doctors could prescribe ginormous alcohol servings and then you’d go to your local pharmacy to get your prescription filled… only in a perfect world!

This chick seems a little scattered, but it’s probably because she’s out of that aforementioned vodka. It’s sad that future generations won’t even know what an etch-a-sketch was or many of the other amazing devices we grew up with. Nowadays a kid turns four and they get a tablet device or cell phone loaded with enough content to babysit them for years. So much for imagination, which will one day be the world’s most scarce commodity.

A cat wearing a bow tie with glasses… how many scratches do you think that owner received in order to snap this awesome photo!? I bet they lost half their blood volume, but it was totally worth it. A scary thought just crossed my mind, however, what if this feline dressed himself and actually possess the intelligence to be a scientific wizard? If cats ever rise up against their human suppressors, I guess we’re still safe given that they sleep 20 hours a day and we can counter attack them while they’re napping.

Drink #136: Root Beer Fizz

1.5 oz Gin (I used Tanqueray)
Top with Root Beer
Splash of Lemon Juice
Garnish with Lemon Slices

Sip Advisor Bar Notes: (5 Sips out of 5):
This drink was delicious. I don’t know if that comes from its relatively simple recipe or the fact that Root Beer rules, but either way, I thoroughly enjoyed this cocktail. It gets my full, 100% recommendation.

May 29 – Red Lotus

Posted on May 29, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Land of Cherry Blossoms

Today we continue part two of our epic tour of Japan… for part one, head to our Japanese Slipper post.

Buy a High-Tech Gadget You Don’t Understand

Japan is a haven for electronic gadgets nobody really needs. Think about those Tamagotchi Pets and other junk. I’m not sure what I’d be searching for at the stores and stands hawking these treasures, but if I could find some kind of device that makes Mrs. Sip a little less late and a little more on time, I’d scoop it up in a heartbeat!

Go to Tokyo Disney Resort

I have made it a bucket list goal to visit every Disney theme park and this holiday would cross another stop off the register. Comprised of two parks – Tokyo Disneyland and Tokyo DisneySea – there are a ton of old classics and new favourites to check out. I just think it would be a psychedelic trip to go through the usual Disney fare, but have everything voiced in Japanese.

See “The Cove”

Whether you’re pro- or anti-dolphin hunting (not really sure who out there is actually in favour of slaughtering Flipper and his mates), if you’re looking for some adventure, you should visit “The Cove”, aka Taiji, Wakayama, Japan. Perhaps you can get into a fight with hunters or protestors or both. I say, why not swing wildly and let God sort ‘em out.

Sing Karaoke

These people invented the drunken entertainment, so we might as well drop a few sake bombs and sing our hearts out with the Yakuza. Perhaps we can find an arcade where visitors can take a spin at Dance Dance Revolution, while belting out a Neil Diamond classic!

Woo a Geisha

Although we’re only there for a few weeks, I think I have the ‘moves like Jagger’ to make a Geisha smitten with me. While I can’t provide all the usual financial support associated with the normal patrons of these ladies, I can offer wonderful drink recipes and regale them with stories of my triumphs.

Ride a Bullet Train

While the case would have to be solved quickly, given we’re aboard a Bullet Train, it would be neat to be aboard a choo-choo where a murder has occurred (ala The Orient Express)… and EVERYONE is a suspect! If the victim is anyone I work with, then I’ll likely turn out to be the killer. I won’t even make it a difficult case for investigators… full on confession: I did it and I’d do it again.

Wear a Kimono

Of course I’d be donning this traditional wardrobe at a public bath house, where I would then proceed to bathe rich Japanese businessmen, in exchange for yen and customary noodle dishes. It is a good life if you can get it!

Drink #149: Red Lotus

2 oz Vodka
Top with Lychee Juice
Splash of Cranberry Juice

Well, that about wraps up our Japanese adventures. Have I missed anything? Rhetorical question, my little sippers… I’m kind of awesome that way!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
This is a very light drink that would probably get you drunk quickly without even noticing your buzz rising. It’s the first time I’ve ever had Lychee Juice and I’m looking forward to future play dates!

May 28 – Japanese Slipper

Posted on May 28, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Land of the Rising Sun

Near the top of Mrs. Sip’s and my “Countries We’d Like to Visit” list is Japan. When we go, we’d like to be there for about a month, so we can really soak in all the country has to offer. As a result, this will be the first ever Sip Advisor two-part epic, as we examine all the touristy things we’d like to hit. Of course, if I cut out all the entries where I’m just trying to be funny, we could probably get it down to a one-part epic, but that would be blasphemous, so just bear with me. And away, we go!

Meet Godzilla

I’m sure he’d be cool with signing a few autographs for me and Mrs. Sip. I heard Godzilla and Mothra were currently touring together, hitting all the sci-fi conventions. Good for them and a lesson for the entire world to put aside their differences and unite in the name of making mad money!

Watch Wrestling

Of course, there’s the cultural sumo wrestling, which would be on the list, but I also grew up watching the odd bootlegged tape of Japanese professional wrestling (known as Puroresu) and so I would also need to attend one of these shows, as well. The fans are very different in Japan than in North America (or anywhere else in the world, for that matter). They are very respectful and often sit quietly in their seats until something important happens, causing them to let out a roar of cheers or disapproval before returning to their hushed state.

Eat Sushi

Vancouver (the city made famous by The Sip Advisor) has really good sushi, thanks to being located so close to the ocean. That said, you would have to try this phenomena in its native land. I’ve heard it recommended that you try one of the conveyor belt sushi restaurants, so I’m down with that. I’ve also been warned that Japanese sushi and other fish may contain toxins that tourists can’t handle. Sounds like a good challenge!

Train as a Ninja

I’m very good at sneaking around, but my martial arts skills could use some work. I think the fun part would be weapons training, where I’m sure I’d bash myself in the groin with nun chucks and kendo sticks, alike. Hopefully by the time we move onto katanas (swords) and shurikens (throwing stars), this is no longer a reoccurring issue.

Stay in a Love Hotel

While Mrs. Sip and I frequent hourly rate accommodations, this would be a new experience. She can take her usual catnap, while I can peruse the erotic TV programs, try on some kinky costumes and try to chat with all the employees who are supposed to remain out of sight and anonymous. This way, we’ll both be refreshed for the next stop on our whirlwind tour!

Lose Money Playing Pachinko

A game similar to the famous Price is Right contest, Plinko, Pachinko Parlours can be found all throughout Japan. The cool thing about gambling at this game is that you would have something physical – the little balls you try to get to drop in the right slots – to show your winnings, like how Vegas and other gambler’s havens used to actually reward players with coins, not credits.

Buy Something Crazy in a Vending Machine

Apparently these dudes and dudettes have everything from panties to hot dogs to umbrellas in their vending machines. Perhaps I’ll grab one of each!

Drink #148: Japanese Slipper

1 oz Melon Liqueur
1 oz Cointreau
1 oz Lemon Juice
Garnish with Sour Watermelon

Tomorrow we continue with our tour of Japan. Join us as we offend nearly every citizen of Japanimation!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
In a perfect world, I would have been able to use Midori for this martini, but it is unfortunately not easily or economically available to me. Therefore, I resorted to my Melon Liqueur, which always comes through in clutch situations. I find that Lemon Juice can sometimes be too dominant in a recipe, but that doesn’t happen here. It works well with the Melon Liqueur and Cointreau and you taste different things with each sip, which is enjoyable.

May 27 – Yellow Strawberry

Posted on May 27, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Beatle Mania

If you combine The Beatles “Yellow Submarine” and “Strawberry Fields Forever”, you would get a Yellow Strawberry, the name of today’s cocktail. Call that a mash-up, if you will. Here are some other very interesting mash-ups using The Beatles extensive library:

Whole Lotta Helter Skelter – Led Zeppelin vs. The Beatles

I had to include a song that mashed my two favourite bands and this is a pretty good mix. The guitar work on Zeppelin’s Whole Lotta Love is some of the best you’ll ever hear and it nicely compliments The Beatles Helter Skelter.

The Beatles vs. MGMT

It’s always interesting to see how The Beatles classic rock songs mix with contemporary artists and different genres of music. The psychedelic rock band MGMT provides a nice background for The Beatles nostalgic “In My Life”.

Beatles Mashup Medley

While it’s kind of a clusterfuck of a song, it’s also neat how they put all the different combos together and if you watch the bottom right hand corner, they always update you as to what exactly is being mixed.

Fat Bottomed Girls Come Together – Queen vs. The Beatles

Another pairing of two classic rock legendary bands. I found that these two songs went pretty seamlessly together. Who doesn’t want Fat Bottomed Girls to Come Together!?

Beatles vs. LCD Soundsystem vs. The Kinks

It’s a feat in and of itself to combine the works of two musicians into one song, but this track throws in an extra tune just for added difficulty points. I like the energy that’s maintained throughout this mash-up.

Beatles vs. Pink Floyd

One more for the road! I was surprised at how well these two songs mixed together, but I guess that’s the whole point of mashing songs together. Always remember: If you don’t eat your meat, you can’t have any pudding!

Drink #147: Yellow Strawberry

Muddled Strawberries
1 oz White Rum (I used Bacardi)
0.75 oz Crème de Banane
Top with Sweet & Sour Mix
Garnish with Strawberry Wedge

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
While it looked cool, it disappointed the palate. Perhaps it was the way I made the cocktail with Muddled Strawberries, but something was off. The Crème de Banane was heavily noticeable, which is usually a good thing. I’m still trying to solve this mystery.

May 26 – Rusty Nail

Posted on May 26, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Scar Tissue

I think scars are kind of neat. They’re not always the most appealing feature to look at, but they are a landmark of sorts for life events and are almost always accompanied by a story – sometimes funny, sometimes tragic. I’ve often thought that compiling a book about scar stories would be an interesting idea for profiling human interest accounts. That said, here are the tales behind the scars that line my body and have dotted my journey.

Thigh

When I was just a little sipper, I was always trying to help around the house. That’s just how awesome I was. Whether it was licking cookie batter off spoons or providing my parents with a daily exercise regimen, chasing me around the park, I was always willing to lend a helping hand. At Christmas, when I was about three or four, I was trying to help Papa Sip gather some wood for a roaring fire (we didn’t have those fancy gas fireplaces in my young days).

Not being as careful as I am with things nowadays (Mrs. Sip would disagree after witnessing my balcony and bungee jumping ways) I picked up a slab of wood and when I went to boost it up with my leg going up our back porch stairs, a nail dug into my left thigh, slicing it open. It wasn’t a deep wound or anything, but it still left a wide scar. It is a constant reminder to be vigilant when helping others. The lazy guy in me just begging to get out (except that he’s so darn lazy) has told me before that this is what I get for assisting friends and family and that it’s just safer to not do so.

Middle Finger

Well, if this isn’t a slam dunk case of boys will be boys (or kids will be stupid), I don’t know what is. When I was 7 or 8, my parents were getting together with friends of theirs. They had a son about my age, so him, myself and Broski Sip were playing in their backyard. We decided we wanted to build a haunted house – stupid, I know… it was probably May, too – and were using tools like hammers, saws and yes, even an axe. I suppose I put myself in charge of keeping things clean, wiping the stump we were chopping away at every few minutes. The OCD in me must have flared up and as I went to swipe one more bit of stray sawdust out of the way, the axe came down on the middle finger of my right hand. I almost literally gave someone the finger.

Thankfully, the weaponry was being swung by a fellow child, but the finger was sliced pretty deep. We were also in luck that one of my parent’s friends was a nurse and she was able to clean and bandage the wound sufficiently. The last bit of good news was it was a Saturday and Hockey Night in Canada was on, so once I calmed down from the shock of the whole incident, I was able to lay back and watch some stick and puck.

Kidney

When I was 11, Mama Sip got really sick while we were visiting Disneyland. As much as that sucked, when we returned from our holiday, she was told that she needed to have one of her kidneys removed. She was also told her condition might be hereditary. Sure enough, it was, as I was also in need of a kidney removal (or a right nephrectomy if we want to get all scientifical). Shortly after I turned 12, I had my operation. Lucky for me, the ailment was caught so early that it has not continued to affect me.

Losing my kidney came with positives and negatives. I got a month off from school, was pampered during that time, and had a wicked scar that the ladies were surprisingly into when I returned to classes. I also went through a growth spurt once the nonfunctioning organ was eliminated. On the flip side, I had to quit playing hockey as it was hard to get insured to play once body contact started. All in all, it largely made me who I am today and I think Sip Nation would agree, in the end, that’s a good thing.

Drink #146: Rusty Nail

1.5 oz Drambuie
1.5 oz Scotch
Garnish with a Lemon Twist

I consider myself lucky that I only have three scars and really only the kidney one is noticeable. Tell me your scar story or stories. Perhaps I’ll one day get around to publishing that work and we’ll all be famous!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
The first sip of this drink didn’t go over as well as I had hoped. Once I let it sit for a moment, the Scotch diluted a little thanks to the ice, which allowed the Drambuie to come through better. This resulted in the cocktail’s score jumping from 3 to 3.5.

May 25 – Banana Boomer

Posted on May 25, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Attached at the Hip

I got the formula for today’s shot from one of those recipe cards attached to the bottle of Crème de Banane I bought a few months back. While it’s somewhat common nowadays to receive a few ideas on how to use the liquor you’re buying, companies have also come up with a number of creative freebies to entice customers to purchase their brand over another. Here are some of those items:

Beef Jerky – Alberta Premium Whiskey

Nothing beats buying a bottle of liquor and having a suggested snack right there waiting for your consumption. It’s one stop shopping, as now you don’t have to hit the convenience store on your way home and can get straight to the important part: the drinking! One little side note about Alberta Premium Whiskey: it was the favourite drink of one Jim Lahey on Trailer Park Boys, except the label was covered (for copyright reasons) with Jeddore Premium, a joke on the French J’adore, meaning “I love”!

Glasses – Various

As common as it is to get recipe cards with your booze, a glass to enjoy those recipes in is frequently thrown into the sale’s mix. My favourite glasses that I’ve been able to accumulate include the always classy Crown Royal, the fun-loving Bacardi, and delicious Jack Daniel’s Honey Whiskey shot glass. One day, this could be like a young kid’s baseball card collection… just a little more scrumptious.

Pump – Big Bottles (Smirnoff Vodka, Jack Daniel’s Whiskey)

I’m not sure if anyone other than me has looked close enough, but you know those giant bottles of liquor… I’m talking about the ones that come in at a price of about $100 and are 3 litres… did you ever notice that they come with a giant pump, similar to ones that come on hand soap? I guess that’s not really a freebie and more of a necessary accessory, but it’s pretty cool nonetheless.

Mini Bottles – Various

Another fixture of the liquor freebie is the mini bottle of the same or another brand. If I have the choice between buying a bottle with no mini bottle attached and buying a bottle that comes with a mini bottle of another liqueur I’ve been wanting to try, of course I’m going to take the free mini. I’m smarter than the average alcoholic, after all!

Muddler – Bacardi White

I’ve already recounted the tail about how I went out and bought a $40 bottle of rum a few years back, just because it came with a muddler. It was at a time when I was just getting into mixology and experimenting with different ingredients and techniques. While I could have just gone to a kitchen utensil store and picked up a muddler for $10, I figured it never hurts to have a giant bottle of rum accompany said muddler.

Luggage Tags – Fuzion Wines

This is just a neat little add on and a fantastic marketing ploy by Fuzion Wines. What a perfect way to spread word of their wines across the world than have customers (or as I like to affectionately call them, mules) do it for you, as they travel the globe. Not to mention, buyers will be more drawn to your wine among the thousands that exist if you are offering them a little something extra. It’s win-win-win!

Chocolates – Bailey’s Irish Crème, etc.

You might as well indulge your sweet tooth while grabbing some booze to go. These treats are often combined with Irish Crèmes and Chocolate Liqueurs, but can also be found with bottles of wine and even tequila brands. Usually the chocolates are long gone before the bottle of booze has even been tapped (especially with Mrs. Sip around), but it’s the thought that counts.

Drink #145: Banana Boomer

1 oz Crème de Banane
0.5 oz Vodka
Garnish with Banana Runts

What was your favourite alcohol freebie? I’m sure there are many out there that I’ve missed, given that I largely have to do my liquor shopping in Canada and despite the fact we’re supposed to be some of the nicest, friendliest people in the world, we don’t seem to be extremely high on liquor swag. I guess you can only be so awesome!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
This shot tastes very good, an obvious conclusion given the ingredients. You’ll want to be careful with any candy you put into the shot, as they could become a choking hazard (unless you’re into auto-erotic asphyxiation). The one downside of the drink is that it’s a little plain. Still, it’s a fun one to bust out around friends!

May 24 – Flirtini

Posted on May 24, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Man Made, Woman Approved

Richard Christy, heavy metal drummer and writer for The Howard Stern Show enjoys the Flirtini, but calls it the Viking Testicle to man-up the drink a little more. With that in mind, here are my suggestions for turning a girly drink into a manly one.

First, we should define what exactly a girly drink is and what constitutes a man’s beverage. A girly drink has been defined as anything that comes in colours red, pink, and purple and may contain bubbly and copious amounts of fruit. A man’s beverage, on the other hand, should be made up of hues like clear, black, brown and grey and garnishes be damned! I guess yellow counts too, but only if in beer form. The rest of the colour wheel is kind of a neutral no-man’s land. Those who swing both ways have access to all the colours of the rainbow.

Now onto how to disguise your favourite bevvy… because nothing says man-made more than a little fabrication:

Manly vs. Girly… which is which?

Lie About Ingredients

Just because your friends can see what colour your drink is, doesn’t mean they know what’s in it. Instead of champagne, say it’s ginger ale. If they question why you’re pouring yourself some cranberry juice, kindly correct them that it’s actually plasma and you’re a new breed of vampire. Yeah, that should work well.

Change the Name

Instead of a Cosmo, order a Blood Bucket. Sure, the bartender might not know what the hell you’re talking about, but you’ll maintain your manly appearance. Also, try to remember to grunt while ordering and if at all possible, neglect to wear any deodorant or cologne, while working up a good sweat en route to the bar.

Mix it with Beer

For some reason, beer is viewed as one of the manliest drinks out there. I don’t get how a usually 5% alcoholic beverage compares with all these cocktails that use 40% alcohols and above, but I don’t write the rules… yet. When I AM elected to the World Liquor Council, there will be sweeping changes to the Drinker’s Code and alcoholism will never, ever be the same again.

Slam the Drink

It doesn’t matter what it is, just make sure it’s in your stomach preferably before it’s set down on the table or bar. Then, proceed to let out a wicked burp and order another round. When that drink comes, repeat the earlier process and continue doing so until everyone at the table is convinced you’re an asshole and you no longer receive invites to their gatherings. That’s when you know you’ve really made an impression.

Shoot it Out

When ordering a girly drink, also ask the barkeep for six shot glasses. If you’re quick to pour your Bellini in the six shot glasses, no one will have any clue what the contents are. Then, down all six in a matter of seconds! Women will flock to you like some sort of pheromone and some dude will probably want to fight you, but these are the ups and downs that come with being a stud.

Don’t Garnish Anything

I can get away with garnishing because I’m so wicked awesome, but most dudes walking around with a cornucopia of fruit hanging from their cocktail just can’t pull it off. Lemon and lime wedges are the only acceptable man garnish and even those border on the edge of femininity. Just makes sure you drop whatever garnish is attached to your drink into the glass as soon as humanly possible.

Smash the Empty Glass Over Your Head

While this is certainly taking things to extremes, no one will doubt how man-tastic you really are if you give yourself some permanent scarring and draw a little red for the ladies. If you’re too much of a pretty boy, you do have the option of throwing your glass to the floor, but the inherent risk here is starting a glass shard fight or a Jewish wedding.

Drink #144: Flirtini/Viking Testicle

1.5 oz Raspberry Vodka
Top with Champagne
Splash of Pineapple Juice
Garnish with Raspberries

I guess what I’m trying to point out with this post is that it’s okay to like “girly” drinks. Just make sure you mix in the odd MAN-tini to even yourself out!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes: (2.5 Sips out of 5):
I didn’t really enjoy this cocktail. First of all, I’m not the biggest bubbly fan and I never will be. I also think that something about my proportions were off and the mix could have been better. A teaspoon of sugar might have balanced the drink out more and given it some more points.

May 23 – Orange Tundra

Posted on May 23, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Vodka Not-To-Playlist

I was looking forward to doing my monthly playlist based on the alcohol of the week, but that enthusiasm was quickly dashed when I could only dig up a few vodka-related songs. Worse yet, I have an inkling that all these tunes will suck harder than a black hole. Shall we have a listen together, for the first ever, in the long history of music, Not-To-Playlist?

VODKA by Korpilklaani

This Euro metal band also has songs about tequila and beer. I can’t understand a word they’re saying and I think that’s only partly because they’re not speaking English. Well, I do understand one word and that would be “vodka”, which they repeat often. The tune isn’t too bad, all things considered and the accordion addition is an interesting touch. Clearly these guy like to drink and I’m down with that.

The Vodka Song by Seamus Moore

I guess you’d call this a folk song!? I have no clue. Again, the song is okay, but I almost long for the days of songs in languages I couldn’t understand… like the one above. Also, why is an Irish dude singing about vodka. Shouldn’t he be concentrating on the Irish traditions of whiskey and stout beer?

Black Vodka by Ja Rule

Oh good, this is the “album version“… I guess that means that it’s better??? If this is a better version of the song, I hope they destroyed all the copies of any other takes of the track. Wow, this tune goes on for five whole minutes. That’s five whole minutes I’ll never get back. Eh, I probably would have wasted the time anyway watching infomercials or opening junk mail.

Drink #143: Orange Tundra

1.5 oz Vodka (I used Bols)
0.5 oz Kahlua
Top with half Cream Soda and half Orange Juice
Garnish with Orange Wedge

A key note for this cocktail is to not stir any of the ingredients, which results in the awesome look you see above. If anyone out there in Sip Nation can find a GOOD vodka song I wasn’t able to, please pass it along so that future generations will have something to jam to while getting their vodka blitz on!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
This drink was a pleasure to the taste buds and eyes. The Orange Tundra features the coming together of a bunch of different flavours – Kahlua, Cream Soda, Orange Juice – that tastes good and looks great. There was a party in my mouth and everyone was invited!