February 28 – Leap Year Cocktail

Posted on February 28, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Leap of Faith

Okay, I know 2013 is not a Leap Year and, in fact, we won’t see one again until 2016, but seeing as I don’t know how long this blog (aka my binge drinking) will keep going, I’m having the Leap Year cocktail now, just to make sure I get it onto the site.

Leap Day (1,096 drinks away, at my current pace) is very unique and we’re not even talking about the extra day in the year jazz. Here are some interesting Leap Day/Year facts:

Women can ask men to marry them on Leap Day – the premise to the crappy 2010 movie Leap Year. Does this mean that all the pressure is on women to pick out the right ring, plan the perfect proposal, and ask the husband to be’s parents for permission?

I wouldn’t mind me a little Sandy Bullock on her knees!

There are approximately 4 million people with birthdays on February 29. Among them, rapper Ja Rule, motivational speaker Tony Robbins and actor Anthony Sabato, Jr. The date also seems to be special for Canadian hockey players, as both Cam Ward and Simon Gagne share this birthday. Cam on Modern Family also enjoys Leap Day as his birthday, preferring to think of himself as 10 years old, when he’s hitting the big 4-0.

These people are called ‘Leaplings’ (is that anything like Lemmings?) and celebrate their birthday on either February 28th or March 1st in non-Leap Years. The chances of someone being born on this rare day are 1 in 1,461.

On the flip side, Davy Jones of The Monkees died on this day last year. Does that mean that he’s stuck in some sort of limbo – with a repeating loop of Daydream Believer constantly playing – because technically the day doesn’t exist?

February 29th also symbolizes Rare Disease Day… good job picking that out… Scientist: “So we’re agreed: we’ll only bring attention to our cause every four years, thus allowing us more time to worry about the stuff that really matters… like HD TV and faster streaming porn.”

Full disclosure: the boy in the picture is me.

Around the world, the Chinese believe that Leap Year babies are difficult to raise and are unlucky, while in Greece, you are advised not only to avoid marrying on February 29th, but throughout the entire Leap Year. And they thought they had trouble with their economic system!

Two separate women have given birth to children on three consecutive leap days. That would really suck. Not only does your birthday only come around once every four years, but when it does, you have to share it with two other siblings. Sir James Wilson, the Premier of Tasmania, Australia was born and died on February 29th. I hope he was a regular lottery player.

The Honor Society of Leap Year Babies exists for people born on February 29th. I tried joining once and when my membership was denied, I lodged a complaint with equal rights activists. The case is still pending.

Most importantly, in 2012 Disneyland and the Magic Kingdom in Disneyworld were open for a full 24 hours on Leap Day. Guess I know where I’m spending February 29th, 2016.

Drink #59: Leap Year Cocktail

2 oz Gin (I used Beefeater)
1 oz Grand Marnier
1 oz Sweet Vermouth
Dash of Lemon Juice
Garnish with lemon wedge

I pushed for having my wedding on Leap Day because then you would only have to celebrate once every four years. Just think of the savings. Although, I guess you would have a pretty big blowout whenever February 29th rolled around. Regardless, Mrs. Sip wanted a summer wedding and you know how it goes: happy wife, happy life… LAME!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
I can see why this cocktail is meant to only be enjoyed once every four years. It’s not that special and didn’t blow my mind in any way. The Grand Marnier was the nicest touch among the drink and luckily still came through, despite the other ingredients.

February 27 – Cap’n Stormy

Posted on February 27, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Boozemarked

While most experts maintain that you can’t put a trademark or copyright on a drink recipe, here are some examples where companies have tried to do so:

Lynchburg Lemonade

When the Jack Daniel’s Distillery launched a national campaign to promote the Lynchburg Lemonade drink, of course suggesting people use their whiskey for the concoction, Alabama lounge and restaurant owner Tony Mason sued them. He had created the drink in 1980 and alleged that a JD representative had learned the secret recipe and was now stealing it for the company’s use. I’m sure it took a crack investigative team to discover the drink was made of whiskey, triple sec, sour mix and lemon-lime soda. We’re not talking about 11 herbs and spices here.

Mason sought $13 million in compensation and although he won the case, he was awarded no money. Instead, the judge offered to pay him $1 of his own money for the case to go away. Wow, Alabama really is full of crazy people! Mason rejected the judge’s “generous” offer and appealed the decision. A new trial was ordered in 2006 and the results of the case were not known… until today when Judge Sip of the 18th District Court sided in favour of Jack Daniel’s Distillery after an under-the-table deal was reached in which Sip Advisor Enterprises (patent pending) will be sent a lifetime supply of Jack Daniel’s products.

I guess the fine folks at Jack Daniel’s didn’t get the message (or don’t care) that the recipe is not theirs…

Dark N’ Stormy

This is a cocktail that has been trademarked by Gosling’s Export Limited, makers of Black Seal Rum. It’s a basic recipe that takes the rum, mixes it with ginger beer and adds an optional lime for garnish. So, if I use lemon, instead of lime, does that mean I’m now exempt from the trademark? Gosling’s even market their own ginger beer for use in the drink.

Malcolm Gosling, Jr., of the Gosling’s Rum family (I hope one day that I’m the member of a rum family), says that fighting this trademark is exhaustive and costly, but that they will “defend that trademark vigorously.”

Painkiller

A New York-based tiki bar (not sure how tiki-themed a place in New York can be… it’s not exactly a tropical paradise), aptly titled Painkiller, was sent cease and desist letters from the Pusser’s Rum company, after it opened in 2010. The company claimed a trademark on the Painkiller name and drink recipe – Pusser’s Rum, pineapple juice, cream of coconut, and orange juice – which Pusser’s accused the bar of trying to capitalize on.

The bar decided to settle out of court, changing its name, giving up the internet domain (something you think the Pusser’s people would already have if they treasure their creation so highly) and removing the drink from its menu. This outraged the mixology community, causing drinkers and drink makers alike to take to social media and voice their displeasure with Pusser’s bullying tactics and many called for a boycott on the rum.

A Facebook page was created called Bartenders Against Trademarking of Cocktails and gained numerous members in a brief amount of time. One bartender even went as far as to change his bar menu and specifically challenge Pusser’s on the trademark issue (photo below). Conclusion from researching this article: rum companies are full of dicks.

Flaming Homer/Moe

Finally, there is the contentious, Simpson v. Szyslak famous case to discuss, a true transcript summarizing the event is as follows:

Marge Simpson: So, Mr. Hutz, does my husband have a case?

Lionel Hutz: I’m sorry, Mrs. Simpson, but you can’t copyright a drink.

Homer Simpson: [whines] Oh!

Lionel Hutz: This all goes back to the Frank Wallbanger case of ’78. How about that! I looked something up! These books behind me don’t just make the office look good, they’re filled with useful legal tidbits just like that!

Drink #58: Cap’n Stormy (A Sip Advisor Original Recipe)

1.5 oz Dark Rum (I used Captain Morgan’s, take that Gosling’s and Pusser’s!)
Top with Ginger Ale
Garnish with lemon and lime wedges

I had originally intended to make a Dark N’ Stormy, but realized it is a recipe copyrighted by the Goslings folks… I also didn’t have any ginger beer (really the bigger issue as no rum runners are going to stop me from making any drink), so I made my own concoction and this was the delicious result. I call trademark!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
I’d like to eventually make the Dark N’ Stormy (should the people at Gosling’s allow me). This was a decent replacement. I like how the Lemon and Lime Wedges looked together in the cocktail photo.

February 26 – Life’s A Peach

Posted on February 26, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Rough Starts

Sure it’s February and the weather may not be at its best in your neck of the woods. Maybe you’ve caught a winter flu or cold bug (like Mrs. Sip passed along to your friendly neighbourhood liquor slinger). But hey, things could be worse. You could be one of these people, having a not-so-peachy start to 2013:

Lance Armstrong

Lancelot finally revealed what made him so “Livestrong” en route to winning seven Tour de France titles. With his image tarnished, all the good he ever did for cancer research and being an inspiration to cancer victims and their families has been tossed out the window along with his legacy in cycling. At least he hooked up with Cheryl Crow… that you can never take away from the man.

Oscar Pistorius

The ‘Blade Runner’ went from hero to zero in South Africa (and around the world) when he killed his girlfriend, model Reeva Steenkamp. Pistorius shot Steenkamp four times, claiming he mistook her for a robber. Guess when you hear someone burgling your precious toiletries it’s better to shoot four times through the locked bathroom door first and let the jury ponder questions of self-defence later. The only person involved in the case with perhaps an even less peachy time of it than Pistorius is the chief investigating officer, Hilton Botha, who managed to botch most of the initial investigation. But hey, it’s really hard to get your investigation details right when your mind is probably on your own upcoming charge of attempted murder, right Mr. Botha?

National Rifle Association

Speaking of gun violence, with all the recent incidents in the United States, the NRA is really under fire. How the NRA continues to push their pro-weapon message, in spite of all the school shootings, mall massacres, and other tragedies is beyond this simple Canadian boy. It’s sad that it seems there needs to be even more unnecessary killings in order to finally get the message across. Then again, if the past is any indication, the NRA isn’t listening to any messages that don’t call for principals, babysitteres, and girl scouts to start carrying guns. Whoa, a completely serious Sip Advisor. I must apologize for that, readers. It won’t happen again.

Subway

The hoagie haven has been busted for serving 11-inch sandwiches instead of the advertised 12-inches. How many more 12-inch sandwiches could have been made with the inch that was missing from every sandwich Subway has sold over the years? That’s an extra bite or two of glorious sandwich goodness and I for one am outraged!!! Apparently, I’m not alone, as there are several pending lawsuits against the chain. It’s hard to believe people would actually file suit over this. Can they claim extreme mental anguish because of the missing inch? Does an extra inch really make the difference (Mrs. Sip says it does). I personally think all the litigants should get paid out in coupons for one-inch subs. There, problem solved!

Victims of Russian Meteorite

Videos of this event have been astonishing viewers for weeks now. The crappiest part, aside from the more than 1,000 injuries, was the sonic boom that shattered so many windows in the area. Daytime temperatures in this part of Russia were only as high as -12-degrees Celsius, so you can assume that a lot of Russkies were freezing their asses off waiting for their insolation from the harsh climate to be restored. At least they have vodka and while it’s been proven to not actually heat a body, it’ll get ya drunk and make it easy for you to fall asleep, regardless of temperature. (Warning: passing out in extreme temperatures may cause frost bite, death, or your buddy to draw fallic symbols on your face).

Woman with Deadly Vagina

An unidentified Brazilian (the place, not the wax job) has been caught trying to kill her husband by putting a poisonous substance on her hoo-ha and demanding her husband pleasure her orally. Given she had recently asked for a divorce, that should have been his first clue to get the fuck outta Dodge. Lucky for our lethario, he has some bloodhound in him and smelled something fishy… and then he smelled something poisonous (*rimshot*).

To top it all off, the woman is being sued by her estranged husband… that’s right, sued… not criminally prosecuted, although sources say that is still a possibility. And we all thought Brazilian fart porn would be the country’s worst export in the sex department. Now we could see a rash of poison vagina murder copycat plots…

Pope Benedict XVI

Shouldn’t the pope be saying that prayer and faith will heal him and help him continue to lead the church? His stepping down due to age and illness (the first pope to resign since Gregory XII in 1415) shows that his election was totally the wrong choice (although he was given 7-1 odds to take the job… do people gamble on the papacy nowadays?). Personally I think the Catholic Church should just select someone young and sexy in its next conclave. Is Justin Bieber available?

2012 Doomsdayers

The fact that we’re all (well, most of us are) still here in 2013 is enough to drive an apocalypse theorist nuts (if they’re not already there). It won’t be long before another theory emerges and these crackpots get back to building their bomb shelters and stocking supplies for the “end of days.” I happen to think that I’d thrive in a post-apocalyptic world. Liquor would be in high demand and if you search my home, that seems to be all I’ve hoarded for emergency purposes!

Drink #57: Life’s A Peach

1 oz Vodka (I used Pinnacle Strawberry-Kiwi)
1 oz Peach Schnapps
Top with Lemonade
Garnish with a real Peach Wedge and a Fuzzy Peach candy

Yes, 2013 has been rough so far for the folks listed above. And to think, we’re only two months deep into the calendar. People still have another 10 months to completely mess up their year and everyone else’s. Never fear, though, my little sippers, I’ll always be here to make things better!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
I wasn’t entirely impressed with this cocktail. The Strawberry-Kiwi Vodka disappointed and didn’t blend well with the Peach Schnapps. With the drink done, I went to eat the Peach Wedge and realized, I don’t care much for peaches!

February 25 – The Party General

Posted on February 25, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Drunken Party Fouls

They happen… but that doesn’t mean we have to like them. I’ve instituted a three strikes and you’re out rule at my shindigs. If you break any three party foul rules, you’re out on the street. I don’t care if you’re Mrs. Sip or Mama Sip… hell, even future Baby Sip will be held to these stringent laws of the land. Don’t mess with The Advisor.

Spilling a Drink

A crushing moment at any soiree occurs when sweet, precious liquor is spilt. Small spills are bad enough, but when a nearly full drink hits the ground, it is perfectly reasonable for mob justice to occur. Punishment: Death… but I will settle for the offender having to drink the contents of their spill with a straw, no matter where it has landed (litter box, public bathroom floor, etc. are all fair game)!

Breaking Something

Unless it is done in the name of sweet mazel tov, the breaking of anything should never occur at a function. If the break is the result of drunkery, that’s even worse. (If it’s somehow the result of the cat you brought along on a leash, we’ll let it slide). Punishment: Replacing said item at equal or double the cost as a tax for your indiscretion.

Depressing or Complaining Conversation

We are here to party… not talk about how much your life sucks in comparison to mine (because let’s face it, it probably does), that children are starving in cities near you, or how you lost your fifth cousin, twice removed in a tragic microwave/hair drying incident. Even at a wake, things should be upbeat as we happily remember all the good times we had with that person. You want to be all depressed or moody? Don’t even bother coming out. This also likely goes for any talk about politics, unless we’re talking about Arnold Schwarzenegger. Punishment: Immediate banishment to the badlands. Forgiveness can be granted in exchange for a liquor run.

Stealing Booze

Whether you grab someone else’s beers from the fridge or help yourself to a shot from their bottle, if you don’t have the expressed written permission of the NFL to rebroadcast booze that is not yours, you should not do so. Some people carefully allot themselves what they plan on drinking in an evening and when someone else cuts into their stash, this can deny them of achieving the perfect level of zen. Punishment: Having your hand cut off… an extreme measure to be sure, but they won’t steal booze ever again. With only one hand, they won’t have the capability to do so!

So that’s where my bottle went…

Passing Out/Getting Sick

There are few examples where a guest passing out is a good thing. If they pass out in your own bed, then the only course of action is to send the two heaviest guests into the room to have a wrestling match, regardless of drunky’s (the eighth dwarf) wishes. A guest going nappy-nap is a better alternative to them getting sick, though. Nothing turns a party down a bad path quicker than someone praying to the porcelain gods or worse, letting loose in front of the entire gathering. Punishment: Do not pass go, do not collect $200 and no more Monopoly for you.

Not Paying Your Tab

Oh, this one makes Mr. Sip angry. You can spill a drink on my floors, break my glassware, talk about your dead uncle Artie, steal the last beer out of my fridge and puke all over my couch after half a sip and I may one day come to forgive you. But if you ever… and I mean EVER skip out on your tab and leave the rest of the group in a lurch, you are DEAD to me. Punishment: Well, you’re already dead to me, but I could also send the Ghostbusters after you and send you to ghostly purgatory.

Drink #56: The Party General

1.5 oz Whiskey
1.5 oz Amaretto
Top with Ginger Ale
Garnish with Maraschino Cherry

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I’ve always maintained that Ginger Ale is one of the most underappreciated mixers out there. Through it in with Whiskey and Amaretto, two of my favourite alcohols and we must surely be on the right track. Top with a Maraschino Cherry and all is well in the Land of Sip.

February 24 – Hidden Mickey

Posted on February 24, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

DisneyBANNED

It’s story time here at The Sip, as I have all the little kiddies gathered around for one of Uncle Sip’s most epic tales.

Let’s cut straight to the chase (almost literally):

The Sip Advisor and staff were on their way to Disneyland for a reunion of sorts and the trip will live in infamy as a result of the events that transpired. Let me sum up our experience in a few words: Disneyland, wine & beer festival, 10% beer, security, Space Mountain. The day really starts as we wake up, reach for our beers, and slowly nurse them in bed like babies with a bottle, as we wake up and plan our tasting options in Disneyland: California Adventure.

After finishing our tasting tours, and with light buzzes all around, we moseyed on over to the Pacific Wharf area for (surprise!) some more beer. And here’s where the trouble began. We found out that they were offering a “festival beer” that was 10% alcohol. And since we are all for efficiency and avoiding necessary line-ups, why not grab two at a time… four times… I think… but my memory is not entirely clear on this point.

What followed was some tortilla eating, hang gliding, fortune cookie hunting, pure insanity… and then the park closed… and we promptly decided to hit up Disneyland: Magic Kingdom since it was open for another two hours. Of course, being absolutely trashed at this point we should have practiced some stealth… instead of hanging upside down from the letter “A” in the giant CALIFORNIA between the parks.

Not sure which of us were the penguins, but this is a pretty accurate portrayal of what happened that night…

As we finally started to make our way across the no man’s land, towards the main park’s entrance gates, a Disney security guard cheerily asked us where we were going. Jubilantly, we acted as if we’d just won the Super Bowl and shouted “WE’RE GOING TO DISNEYLAND!”. Security smiles kindly at us and responds: “No, you’re not”. Shit, the fuzz was onto us and they want to give us the Song of the South treatment! She started following us towards the turnstiles, telling us we were done (we were!) and couldn’t go mingle with all the happy little kids in the park.

Cleverly we came up with a devious plan: somehow managing simple math we realized there were four of us and only one of her and we split up! Okay, that’s a lie, we couldn’t manage simple math at that point. Instead one of our group realized he had forgotten his bag in the now closed other park and turned around to get it without telling Mrs. Sip and I. The end result was the same however: we managed to make our way into the Happiest Place on Earth (that doesn’t sell beer).

The next morning I woke up with my memory a haze. I grabbed the camera and started scrolling through the pictures from the night before Hangover-style. There were pictures of all four of us crammed into a tiny tea cup, riding the Casey Jr. Railroad Train (of course, locked in the Wild Animals cage) and having our photo snapped on Space Mountain. It was the best night I never remembered and apparently after the second park closed, we went off in search of more beer, the evidence was in our fridge– a fresh six pack… well, it was down to four at this point.

We came that night, ready to play and we went home with a ton of great memories… well maybe some fuzzier than others!

Drink #55: Hidden Mickey (A Sip Advisor Original Recipe)

Malibu Rum 0.5 oz
Irish Crème 0.5 oz
Cherry Liqueur 0.5 oz
Kraken Spiced Rum 0.5 oz
Europa Chocovine 2 oz
Yummy Candy garnish

This drink features a number of “Hidden Mickey’s”. Can you find them all?

In the future, I will also have to regale you, my little sippers, with the tale of our EPCOT pavilion crawl. Remember, at EPCOT, Every Person Comes Out Trashed!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
I wish I could have incorporated even more ‘Hidden Mickeys’ into the recipe, but them’s the breaks. For such a random building of a cocktail, the drink tasted pretty good. The Europa Chocovine is a fantastic liqueur, should anyone be looking for such a product in the future.

February 23 – Berry Delight

Posted on February 23, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Rim Jobs

One of my favourite ways to complete the aesthetics of a cocktail is to give it a good rimming. Apparently the network isn’t too happy with me terming it that way… don’t really understand why. And, actually, I shouldn’t say it’s how I complete the drink, as it’s usually the starting point… let’s call it a thorough round of foreplay. Oh, now I see the issue!

I like to use anything that will stick to a glass, no holds barred style. With today’s cocktail, I used strawberry pop rocks. In the past, I’ve used anything from salt (perfect for margaritas) to coconut shavings to cinnamon sugar. And over the rest of this blog’s run, I will continue to experiment with other substances: cocaine, cereal, gravel, etc.

For those who are inexperienced rimmers (we can’t all be experts at the rimming arts), there are a few techniques that will help you put together the best looking cocktail. Here are some tips:

First, coat the rim of your glass with something sticky that will hold whatever you want to stick to it. You can use lemon or lime juice or different syrups (simple syrup in particular is handy).

Most rimming sets have you dunk your glass upside down into whatever liquid you’ve chosen to use and then into whatever rim you want to achieve.

Some people will only rim the outside of a glass, so as not to disturb the drink inside. You can accomplish this by dipping you glass at a 45-degree angle into the liquid, spinning so only the outside of the glass is coated. Then do the same with the rim ingredient. For this, you might want to use small plates, rather than a rimming set.

Note: Those are not the Sip Advisor’s hands… mine are sexier!

Make sure that your rimming material isn’t so heavy that it will not hold. I’ve had issues with rock salt and crushed candy cane bits before. The lighter the item, the more likely it will adhere to the rim coating.

Once the rim is complete, you can use a moist paper towel to clean up the edges and remove anything that has fallen into the glass, if you want a clean cut look. Be careful adding any garnish to the glass, so as not to disturb your work of art.

If serving to friends, you could choose to only rim half the glass in case guests don’t want to taste the rim contents with each sip. Otherwise, they can man (or woman) up, take the first sip with the rim and drink every subsequent sip in the same spot… wussies.

Now let’s feel the snap, crackle and pop of today’s rimming. Satisfaction ALWAYS guaranteed.

Drink #54: Berry Delight (A Sip Advisor Original Recipe)

Rim glass with Strawberry Pop Rocks
1 oz Raspberry Vodka
0.5 oz Cranberry Ginger Ale

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
This was a relatively plain shot, so I took it upon myself to add the Pop Rock rim, which was fun to eat even after the liquor was already down the hatch.

February 22 – Blue Lagoon Margarita

Posted on February 22, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

National Margarita Day

Margarita, margarita, there ain’t nothin’ sweeter… that, my little sippers, is the little tune I sing whenever I’m having a margarita. And today is a holy day for those who love their tequila and triple sec (TNT) based drinks! To celebrate in my own way, I made a Blue Lagoon Margarita.

Blue Lagoon (no relation to the cocktail) is a 1980 movie that is largely remembered for featuring a young Brooke Shields parading naked around a deserted island – although a body double was used in most scenes and Shields’ hair was glued to her breasts in others, but I digress – and that got me thinking about (among other more titular things) what I would want to have with me if I was stranded alone on an island.

Reading Material:

Well, there’s one fork in the road this can go down… I mean, you are all alone with no human contact for the foreseeable future. Porn may be the best choice here, however, here at The Sip, I like to think we are of average intelligence and class and therefore I will actually bring books with me (Mrs. Sip would be so proud). I would probably pack a collection of the Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader entries as these books are massive and full of thousands of interesting tidbits. Once you read them all, you could go back to the start and scan them over again, filling your head with so much trivia (aka useless knowledge) and nobody to share it with. If you were ever rescued, you could then go on Jeopardy and place second… gotta be careful with those daily doubles.

Watchables:

Obviously you can’t pack up your entire DVD collection for this trip and while resorting to a laptop filled with illegally downloaded movies and TV shows (again my legal counsel has forced me to state that the Sip Advisor does not endorse the illegal downloading of copyright material) would be the super-geek thing to do, you also have to consider the fact that there would be no outlets to charge your battery. Therefore, with a portable DVD player and an eight-hour battery I’m going to narrow my choices down to three movies: Slap Shot, Dumb & Dumber and Anchorman. The jury has spoken.

Tunes:

We are accustomed to going everywhere we travel with the ability to listen to our own music, creating a playlist for your entire life. On the island, though, you’d be limited to your one charge of battery, just like the DVD player. Would you use it all up in one epic jam, or would you spread the songs out over an extended period of time? I’d probably try to make everything seem like a montage and kill the battery in a matter of hours. I’m not very good with the long-term planning.

Food & Drink:

My main concern here is how difficult it would be for me to create my own alcohol (and ice… warm drinks suck). Providing the island has lush amounts of fruits, I may be able to make my own flavoured concoctions. Maybe I would luck out and there would be a hidden stash of rum on the island like the one Captain Jack Sparrow was abandoned on.

As far as munchies go, a lifetime supply of potato chips would be great. Any flavor will do, except for any of those god-awful country-specific special flavours like Lamb & Mint (UK) or Vegemite (Australia). For the sweet tooth, any collection of chocolate should suffice. As for real food, who needs it? If no one is around to see how gross and out-of-shape you’re getting, does it really matter? And do you really want to max out your life expectancy on a deserted island?

Miscellaneous:

Oh, let’s see… the ability to harness electricity would surely help… you know, the usual stuff.

Comforts:

I think a pet is necessary when stranded. If I can’t have some sort of monkey sent to help me out, than a cat will do the trick. Anything to rid the island of all bird species, who provide nothing meaningful to my existence. Stupid poop machines.

Finally, if I could swing it, I’d have Mrs. Sip sent to the island to join me (kicking and screaming!). Then I’d impose the Brooke Shields rule into action and without a body double to do all the heavy lifting, you could finally call the place paradise!

Drink #53: Blue Lagoon Margarita

1 oz Tequila
1 oz Blue Curacao
Splash of Lime Juice
Top with Pineapple Juice/Soda
Garnish with Orange Slice

Everyone has their own idea of what they would bring to a deserted island. What would help you survive the lonely exile?

Make sure to have your daily does of vitamin-M (margarita) today and party like it’s 2013!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (2.5 Sips out of 5):
I was disappointed with this recipe. Perhaps it’s because I used Pineapple Soda, instead of juice, which drastically changed the drink’s taste to a more fizzy one.

February 21 – Rainbow Orgy

Posted on February 21, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Open Bar

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot… concerned? You should be. As a result of this blog, I always have to be thinking about things to write about on a daily basis. Well today my brain wants a bit of a vacation and I’ve just let my thoughts drift and mingle (becoming an orgy of thoughts, if you will… see how I tied that all into today’s drink!). My thoughts are very skewed – random even – and tangents are easy to go off on. So, as Dr. Dre once rapped, “Journey with me into the mind of a maniac”…

1) All the best vices are often portrayed as women (hmmm, what does that say?). Alcohol is no exception and in fact many liquors have stripper/porn star names (it’s true, I did very in-depth and personal research to come to this conclusion): Tangueray, Bombay Sapphire (ooohhhh, exotic), Kahlua, Tia Maria, Amaretto, Cherry Liqueur (think about this one!), Peach Schnapps, Margarita… and the list goes on and on… the result of mixing a few of these ladies together in a shot glass is usually something really dirty (Porn Star, Slippery Nipple, Silk Panties with Lace, and Cum Shot, to name a few).

2) Why are women so opposed to deep fried food, but absolutely love fondue?

3) I wonder if any astronauts have ever got down with their bad self in space? Talk about a thousand mile-high club.

4) Is there anything sadder than a closed liquor store? Anything!?!? I think not.

5) How come every time a new black character is introduced in The Walking Dead, another one has to (spoiler alert) die? Is it that they are tagging out or is there some secret AMC contract about how many African American’s are allowed to appear in any one show at a time? You would think Mad Men would then balance everything out since apparently according to the show only white scotch drinkers existed in the 1950’s.

6) Why are “World Energy Conservation Days” and “World No Gadget Days” promoted so heavily on social media sites… and usually by the people who are online the most? Maybe if they scaled back their post and tweet output, the need for these days would lessen.

7) I really want to order the new 40-piece Chicken McNugget meal McDonalds’ restaurants in the U.S. are advertising lately. Then I want to see how many sauce packs it takes to get through the whole lot. Just one of my very deep thoughts that I wanted to pass along.

Alrighty, I’ve taken up enough of your time. Here’s what you all came here for: today’s delicious drink!

Drink #52: Rainbow Orgy

1 oz Melon Liqueur
1 oz Crème de Bananes
Top with half Orange Juice, half Brisk Strawberry-Melon
Garnish with Melon Liqueur-filled Strawberry

Like an amalgamation of my thoughts, this drink comes together quite nicely. The Crème de Bananes and Melon Liqueur mix very well with all the other ingredients and a drink you’d expect to be super sweet isn’t at all. I personally garnished the drink with a hollowed out strawberry that contained another shot of Melon Liqueur, but results may vary.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
The colouring of the drink is pretty wicked and the taste wasn’t bad. This is another cocktail that could have benefitted from some fizz and perhaps a splash of Lemon-Lime Soda would have done the trick. I don’t know if I’d do a liquor-filled strawberry again, as it got a little sticky and messy.

February 20 – Golden Shower

Posted on February 20, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Creative Control

When I first mentioned this drink to ‘The Network’ they wanted me to change the name of it. Well, friends, I absolutely despise censorship. I flat-out refused and then a full scale war between good and evil was initiated. We lost a lot of great men out there on the battlefield, but in the end, we came out triumphant. My blog, my say.

When we returned home from the war, we were lost souls. It was a hard adjustment to make back to civilian life and I felt we weren’t being appreciated for our efforts. Let me give you a little glimpse into my psyche… let’s call it the mind of a maniac.

Censorship is bad mmmkay. There’s no other way to put it. It takes away our freedom of speech and curbs creativity. Worse yet, it makes movies shown on TV completely unwatchable with all the bleeped out language and such. I mean, do we want this place to turn into communist China? (Which, despite its massive population, I note, is one of the few countries I have not received a single hit for this website).

Here are some mind-boggling examples of censorship that actually happened:

When Lucille Ball became pregnant, they incorporated this into her show I Love Lucy, but no characters were allowed to say the word “pregnant,” only “expecting.”
Married couples on TV were not allowed to be shown sharing a bed, instead sleeping in separate twin beds.
Jeannie on I Dream of Jeannie was not allowed to show her belly button and fabric was specifically added to her wardrobe to cut out her midriff.
On Happy Days, Fonzie was only to wear his patented leather jacket in scenes where he was riding his motorcycle (as safety equipment, of course), because otherwise it would make him look like a hoodlum, censors decreed. Therefore, Fonzie always appeared on or near his motorcycle, often leaning on or polishing it.

Ever since my Mortal Kombat game on Super Nintendo lacked blood, while my friend’s on Sega included all the wonderful gore a young child could want, I’ve opposed censors and their inherent need to ruin things for audiences. I vowed, from that moment forward to wage a campaign of intolerance against the intolerants.

A battle that – with the help of the vast and lawless internet and in association with channels like Comedy Central and HBO – I’m happy to say we’re fucking winning! (Yay for titties and foul language!)

It is every person’s right to see full-frontal nudity and scenes of explicit violence, while hearing language that would make a sailor blush. If you don’t like it, don’t watch it, listen to it or buy it… but don’t you dare tell me I can’t enjoy it.

“Oh, what about the children!? Who will protect them?” someone cries in despair. Well folks, it’s called parenting. If you have young ones at home, then every once in a while drag yourself away from watching fine upstanding and moralistic shows such as The Bachelor, Real Housewives, or UFC (of if you are a reader, 50 Shades of Whatever or that other book where kids kill each other) and impart on them some values… if you can remember what those are. Just saying.

And it is my right to make and appreciate a drink called the Golden Shower.

Drink #51: Golden Shower

0.5 oz Tequila
0.5 oz Southern Comfort
0.5 oz Galliano
Splash of Apple Juice
Top with Lemonade
Garnish with a lemon wedge

Nothing tops waking up and enjoying the splendor of a nice Golden Shower… the drink, I mean. Pervert!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
While the drink’s name might throw some people off, it was a wonderful concoction. The best part about mixology is trying different ingredients together that you normally never would. Just look at the listing of alcohols and mixers above, many of which you normally wouldn’t combine. They all work well together here.

February 19 – Strawberry Sentiment

Posted on February 19, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

The Big 5-0

It’s milestone time here at The Sip as we hit the half-century mark on the 365-day drink challenge! It’s been a wilder ride than Mr. Toad’s, thus far, and to celebrate, here are some liquor-related memes to enjoy!:

Bill Cosby rules and for a man who put Jell-O on the map, he must wonder what all these kids are doing nowadays tinkering with Jell-O innocence. Well, Bill, kids do say and do the darnedest things!

This is about as bad as when you’re at Disneyland and someone uses their wheelchair to get to the front of the line-up only to then step out of it and able-bodily enter and exit the ride, while you’ve waited hours for the same attraction. You almost hope they slip and fall on some karma.

This is a religion I can get behind. Gotta love that there is not one, but two bottles by this guy’s feet. However, I’m worried that his condition will no longer allow him to reach those bottles, which would be a shame. He’s got a rocking beard, though.

I don’t think this is what his AA sponsor meant by getting clean. Personally, I think this guy looks a little too happy given that he is surrounded by empties. Well, when you can’t get lucky, I guess the next best thing to do is take a bath with all your closest friends.

Yeah, salad sucks… unless it’s Caesar salad. This idea looks like an awesome good time. Hopefully the crash at the end of the stunt was worth it. It would be hard explaining to your wife the big hole in your wall afterwards, especially with a chalk outline that includes a beer can!

I absolutely love this guy. I wish I knew who he was. You can write anything around this picture and it’s hilarious. Mrs. Sip is often startled from her nap as I lose my shit viewing memes involving this happy ginger. Rock on, buddy… rock on!

Drink #50: Strawberry Sentiment (A Sip Advisor Original Recipe)

Rim glass with salt
1.5 oz Tequila
0.75 oz Cointreau
Top with half Ginger Ale, half Brisk Strawberry-Melon
Garnish with a Strawberry Heart

Cheers and here’s to the next 50 drinks here at The Sip Advisor!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4.5 Sips out of 5):
I really liked this margarita-esque recipe. From the salt rim to the Strawberry-Melon mixer, I enjoyed every ingredient. A great way to celebrate this Sip Advisor 50^th post milestone!

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Monthly Archives: February 2013